How insanely jealous is your SO?

[Smitty]

I was wondering if anyone else has any stories about a significant other who was jealous to the point of it being humorous. I would hate to think that I'm the only one.

My story:

My wife (girlfriend at the time) and I used to work together at a large school for the mentally retarded. Every May for Cinco de Mayo, each dorm would set up a small booth and sell a Mexican dish to raise money. The woman in charge of the project for the dorm on which I worked asked me to help her unload the stuff from her car. Unbeknownst to me, my wife saw me helping her. Later that day, my wife asked me, "What were you doing at that bitch's car?"
"Errrr... helping her carry cans of nacho cheese for the sale?", says I.
"No, see, that's how it starts. First they ask you to carry stuff from their car. Then they say, 'Oh, you did that so good, I have some stuff at home I need moved.' Next thing you know, you're in there f**king them."

Please tell me it's not just me!

[Carina42]

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who was a little unbalanced, though being young I thought he was charming & quirky. Afetr about 2 months of dating, I came home from work one day & found that someone had come through a window & stolen...my telephone. Nothing else. (Not that I had much to steal at the time.) Puzzled, & a bit concerned, I made a police report, just so there would be some kind of record if something more happened.

The following weekend I saw MY telephone at the boyfriend's house. His explanation? That he had called me several times but the line was busy, which made him angry, so he came & took my phone to "teach me a lesson." The fact that he thought this was a normal & appropriate response to my being on the phone to someone other than *him* spooked me, and I broke up with him.

He probably has a long record of domestic troubles, if not violence, by now. I regarded this then, as now, as an early indication of a severely inadequate & controlling little man; unfortunately there seem to plenty of women who tolerate this sort of crap.

Oopsie, that wasn't humorous. But, no you're not alone, and obviously every case of insane jealousy does not indicate total flakieness!

[Poysyn]

My SO is insanely jealous. It can be exhausting, as I am a friendly person. He is getting better, I think he is getting more secure in our relationship.

[manhattan]

Lest slythe get jealous and stop talking to me, I'm going to move this thread to its proper place, IMHO.

[thinksnow]

My ex-fiancee demanded to see all notes, pictures or references (like those in my day-planner) of or from ex-girlfriends or dates I had been on, then she ripped them up and burned them on a cookie tin in the middle of her floor.

Funny aside to this is that the small bonfire heated the pan so much it melted a 10" spot of her carpet.

[Feynn]

My ex broke all ties with her female friends when we were married.

Used to wail on me if I got home 5 minutes late.

Wanted me to change jobs so I wouldn't be working with any women.

Couldn't drive anywhere without her accusing me of looking at women. Like I can scope out chicks while doing 80 down the highway... maybe it was the car I was looking at?

Not funny.

Scary.

[Athena]

Current SO is the only guy I've ever been with who even shows any jealousy. I actually like it - after being with my ex, who hardly showed any emotion when I told him I wanted a divorce, the obvious emotion showed when SO is jealous makes me feel pretty good!

Ironically enough, it shows up most when I mention stuff about the SDMB or other message boards. He thinks all you guys are trying to pick me up, all the time. I just let him keep thinking that way...heheheheee....

[Suo Na]

I once dated a guy who insisted that I never see or talk to any of my male friends again. The funny part is that I lived in a very small university residence with all my male friends, and couldn't avoid seeing or talking to them. And I liked staying up all night playing cards with them.

This is the same guy who would come visit me on weekends and then go out to play Magic all day Saturday. I was supposed to stay in my room and study, I guess.

Needless to say, I dumped him shortly after he made the above demand (the next day, I recall).

[obfusciatrist]

Well, one time Baglady and I were in a pet shop and I saw this kitten who was just *so* cute and seemed to take to me immediately. I asked Baglady if we should get it, after all "it could keep me company when you are on the road."

She became so enraged that I was "trying to replace" her that when I turned my back she drowned the kitten in its water bowl!

We just laugh about it now, but at the time I was pretty aroused that someone cared for me so much.

What? The truth? Oh, well then I have never had an SO get particularly jealous (though I once had a cat that started to pee into stove burners when we got a new kitten).

[muppetsoup]

i'm not allowed to have any new female friends. I can keep the ones i already had, but no new ones. oh except one, but she's a lesbian. and my gf is even iffy on that one. but hey! who wants to hang out with chicks anyway?

[jessicala]

In college I started working at a local fast-food place less than a week after I had started dating a new guy. He would park his car in a parking lot across from the drive-thru and watch me work. Of course he didn't tell me he was doing this - I finally caught him at it. I had mentioned that the manager was a jerk, so maybe my ex thought he was protecting me somehow, but it was still a little creepy.

[Malarky]

I broke up w/this one guy and he asked me if it was because I wanted to "sleep w/someone else" or if I had "cheated on him". I thought this was funni considering he had cheated on me 3 times and I was totally faithful...and I had only broken up w/him because he moved far away and I didn't want to do the whole long distance relationship thing...I had actually forgiven him for cheating on me, but whatever, he can go to hell :)

[Satan]

You know what?

The best way to get a guy to cheat is to accuse him and badger him of doing so or wanting to do so when it was never there in the first place.

My ex-wife did this shit to me. No female friends allowed - even the woman who happened to work in the music industry was not someone I could become friendly with. One time she came into my job when I was a waiter and while I was talking to a table fo female customers, butted in and said, "Is this part of your job?"

Eventually, you rationalize it this way: I may as well actually fuck someone else if I am going to be made to feel guilty and be accused of the act. I mean, if the punishment is enevitable no matter what, may as well actually commit a crime, right?

I learned then that jealousy is just a manifestation of someone who is insecure about something - the relationship, themselves, or anything else.

(I never did cheat on her, FTR, but it never would have even been a thought in my mind if she hadn't put it there.)

Then there was heatherlee who WANTED me to act jealous. She would always make hints, like, "If you want me to take the pictures on my website down I will." I heard that several times, actually. There were other things too; I'd rather not get into them, but be assured she was quite upset that I was not upset at some things.

In her case, she just couldn't feel confident in the relationship unless I was somehow worried she was gonna fuck someone else. (Yes, the irony does not escape me.)

Well, fuck that noise.

I am now with someone with whom I don't have to worry about this bullshit.

We live 552 (but who's counting?) miles away. We wouldn't last long if either of us was jealous.

Trust me on this: There's nothing cute about jealousy. It is harmful, it is always the result of something more insidious laying beneath the surface, and nothing good can come of it.

To the OP: You need to have a talk with her. That's the shit my ex used to pull. It only gets worse...
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[scratch1300]

My ex used to get in a funk if she dreamed about me with another woman. She'd be mad at me the next morning....:rolleyes:

[Athena]

Originally posted by scratch1300
My ex used to get in a funk if she dreamed about me with another woman. She'd be mad at me the next morning....:rolleyes:

I've done that... not dreaming about my SO with another woman, but having a dream that made me mad. I dreamed once that my SO was doing something incredibly stupid, and it really pissed me off in the dream. I woke up FUMING MAD at him. Luckily, I figured out pretty quickly that he didn't really do whatever it was I was mad at him for, but it was a pretty weird feeling. Being mad for no reason, that is.

[pepperlandgirl]

My BF isn't insanely jealous of anyone, but he is possessive, in a slight, subtle way.
For example, if we are out and I run into a male friend, and we start talking, he will be sure to put his arm around my shoulder, or take my hand, or just find some way to touch me. I guess he's letting the other guy know not to mess with me, or him.
I think it's kinda cute, actually.

[delphica]

This thread is making me very thankful that my SO doesn't have a jealous or possessive bone in his body. It's amazing that he puts up with me, because previous jealous and demented boyfriends have made me a little defensive. Just a few weeks ago ...

SO: So, are you going to see your friend John while I'm out of town ....

Me (about to say): oh yeah bucko? well what if I am? what's it to you? you gotta problem with that? huh?

SO: because if you are, could you give him back this DVD I borrowed from him?

Me: Er. Oh.

Thank the powers that be for men who are secure and self-confident enough to be trusting and comfortable in a relationship!

[Lazarus7]

Originally posted by scratch1300
My ex used to get in a funk if she dreamed about me with another woman. She'd be mad at me the next morning....:rolleyes:

I can sooo feel for you on this one! ... This has happened to me on a couple of occasions. Not the sex thing (that was only once) but I would routinely get in trouble for things I had done or said in dreams ... I mean for crying out fucking loud!!!!

[DoZ]

I love a jealous guy, and he's the best SO.
I don't live under his thumb, so he has plenty of chance to worry, but I always take time to reassure him. It's not fun for him, you know, being unsure of me. If you flaunt your independence and tease with unexplained absences, he will end up hating you.

[Fairy Princess Kitty]

pepperlandgirl, my SO is the same way, I think it's so cute. Actually he likkes to do that all the time anyway, I just like knowing that he's close and he cares. I think he's grown to detest my backpack, when I'm wearing it he can't get his arms around me, he's always trying to get me to take it off. I find it sweet.
For the OP, I don't think I've ever had an SO that was all that jealous, slightly possessive, yes, but not really jealous. The guys I go out with will have to realize that I am who I am and I'm not going to change because they're insecure. I hug my male friends... a lot. I hug my female friends too. That's not gonna change, so they learn to live with it.

Kitty

[Baglady]

obfusciatrist , in some delusional psychotic episode, "confessed": "Well, one time Baglady and I were in a pet shop and I saw this kitten who was just *so* cute and seemed to take to me immediately. I asked Baglady if we should get it, after all "it could keep me company when you are on the road." ...She became so enraged that I was "trying to replace" her that when I turned my back she drowned the kitten in its water bowl!

Hey Obfusciatrist, this would be funny if I didn't like cats so much!! [good thing he's working out at the gym now or I'd drown HIM in the water bowl!!]

[Kilt-wearin' man]

Some of you need new SO's, IMHO...

As far as jealousy:

I am a shameless flirt. My wife was warned of this when we started dating and (after some getting used to it) is perfectly ok with it now. Mostly because she can be just as bad as me with certain of her friends.

I'm not a jealous person, and it has caused problems in the past, particularly with a former girlfriend who didn't understand that insane jealousy did not equal love. She kept doing and saying things to try to get me angry so I'd yell at her or hit her(!) because she thought that was how men were supposed to show that they care. Of course both of those things are way out of character for me (especially the hitting) so the relationship was pretty well doomed.

[Cervaise]

delphica: This thread is making me very thankful that my SO doesn't have a jealous or possessive bone in his body.

Ditto here. My wife katrina actually encouraged me to rekindle a friendship (platonic, natch) with a former girlfriend because she and her new husband are so much fun to hang out with. I hadn't really thought about it before, but I guess that's yet another way in which I'm a lucky SOB...

[Suo Na]

Originally posted by pepperlandgirl
My BF isn't insanely jealous of anyone, but he is possessive, in a slight, subtle way.
For example, if we are out and I run into a male friend, and we start talking, he will be sure to put his arm around my shoulder, or take my hand, or just find some way to touch me. I guess he's letting the other guy know not to mess with me, or him.
I think it's kinda cute, actually.


This is one behaviour that I hated in the guy I mentioned above. I am no one's property, thank you. It's cloying and childish. As you said, he was letting the other guy know not to mess with me. My reply to that is: if that guy hits on me, I can take care of myself. He may be better than you, for all I know.

I'm not criticising you, pepperlandgirl. I understand that this isn't how you feel about the situation.

[thinksnow]

I was living in Ohio and on a business trip to Salt Lake for a week. I was due back Saturday morning, but my ex-fiancee was leaving for Vegas for 10 days Friday morning so, after taking an early morning hike in the gorge-type-area just south (I think) of downtown, I give her a call around 7 AM (9 for her).

She proceded to accuse me of having been out with someone and I must just be getting home and am calling her to make it seem like everything is fine. Why, you ask? Well, it seems that since we'd never gone hiking in Toledo (well known for it's mountainous areas), it was so highly unlikely that I had been hiking out West that it must be a lie.

Here's the kicker: I came home to a ring and a note.






'Course, 6 weeks later I found out she was dating someone else, so...

[Scotticher]

Originally posted by Cervaise


Ditto here. My wife katrina actually encouraged me to rekindle a friendship (platonic, natch) with a former girlfriend because she and her new husband are so much fun to hang out with. I hadn't really thought about it before, but I guess that's yet another way in which I'm a lucky SOB... [/B][/QUOTE]

Well, Cervaise, since I have met your wife katrina, I would have to say that you would be a fool if you didn't feel like a lucky man. She is intelligent, charming, beautiful and a dollface.

Just my humble opinion.

Scotti

[DAVEW0071]

Satan, you are so right. Bummer that you had to go through it, but obviously you don't have to concern yourself with Libby going gonzo on you (and vice versa).

I've been married 18+ years, and neither my wife nor I have the slightest jealous thoughts. She's got some great male colleagues at work, and she jokes to me that I've always gotten along great with any of the women I've worked with. But never any suspicions (and never any reason for them). I don't know how people can live in a relationship and either be torn apart by ridiculous unfounded jealousy or be treated with suspicion.

Brian, I don't know how much Psychology you took in school, but it doesn't matter. Your take on human nature is right on target. And you and Drain got a great thing going.

[CanadianSue]

Ye ole ex hubby would watch me like a hawk when we went out. If I talked to a male he would want to know the conversation verbatim. What did he say to you, who is that, etc. etc. I grew up here and so have alot of my old school friends that I still run into and everytime I saw one, I would introduce the hubby. Then afterwards he would grill me on that person. Who they are, how did I know them, did I ever go out with them. He was even jealous of my best friend and when we divorced he told everyone we were lesbians.

On the flip side, this is the man who also was flirting with a gorgeous woman one night and when I ran into her in the ladies room later on she said how nice it was that he had brought his sister (me) along. She hadnt realized he had a sister.

She had to pick her mouth up off the floor when I told her that I was actually his wife. I think somehow I ruined the evening for her.

[Rilchiam]

Mr. Rilch isn't jealous, but he is protective. I've told people that he doesn't trust anyone, except people he knows well. People sometimes confuse this with jealousy. Example:

Mr. Rilch was out with a mutual friend one afternoon. I didn't know this because I was working. I got off after dark and stopped at Lucky (sigh...now Albertson's). Before I left wherever I was working, I called to tell him that I would be stopping at Lucky near the house and also to get gas at the Arco. Well, I told this to the machine, since he wasn't there. I got home to find Mr. Rilch and friend, who'd arrived about five minutes before. Friend immediately announces that he wants to include me in his discussion with Mr. Rilch: why did I feel compelled to call and state when I was leaving and exactly where I would stop? Merely a precaution, I explained: since it was dark out, and near Christmas, I wanted Mr. Rilch to have detailed information Just In Case. If he had to report me missing, it would help a lot if he could tell them, "She left at 6:15 and stopped at Lucky and Arco" instead of "I dunno...I dunno...I dunno." He accepted that readily, rather than retain his image of Mr. Rilch as a control freak who only allowed me to keep to a certain schedule, or a jealous cat who thought every minute away from him was spent in the arms of another man.

[Rectangle]

I called the wife one morning to let her know I'd
be home a little late, (I work nights). She
IMMEDIATELY jumps on my case saying, "If I ever
catch you with that little blond friend of yours,
I'll shoot you and her!!!' Seems she'd had a dream
about me and Cyndi??? (only little blond friend)
I was like, "Oh Yea! I slept with Cyndi! COOL!!"
Not the best answer.

[Lexicon]

Jealousy sucks, big time. I don't put up with that kind of shit at all.
For example, I had this one girlfriend who had no reason to suspect me of any "extra-curricular behavior" but she was always on my nuts about it. I would go out with my brother to shoot some stick and knock back a couple Coca-Colas, and she would call me every 10-20 minutes:
"Where are you? Who's there? Who are you with? What are you doing? When are you leaving? Where are you going next?"

About the fiftieth time she called, I'd lose my cool and reply along the lines of "Damn-you-crazy-bitch-leave-me-alone-you're-driving-me-nuckin-futs!"

She finally dumped me because she "forbade" me to go to a titty bar and I went anyway. It was really strange, that was when I knew her grasp on reality was tenuous at best. The dump went like this:

"It's over! You lied to me!"
"When did I lie to you?"
"I told you not to go the titty bar and you went anyway!"
"How is that lying to you, exactly?"
"When I said you couldn't go, you said you wouldn't!"
"Uhh, no. I said 'Whatever,' and I went anyway. When you called me, and asked if I was at the titty bar, I said yes. Then you hung up on me."
"You still lied to me! I'm leaving!"
"You're obviously crazy as a shit-house rat. Thanks for just dumping me and not killing me in my sleep instead."
"I'M NOT CRAZY!!!"
"Okay." Showing (shooing?) her out the door. "Tell the rest of the Mansons I said hi... and oh yeah. Don't come back, ever."

In any case, it took me about a year to rid myself of The Plague That Shall Remain Nameless But Whose Name Rhymes With Calorie. Or PTSRNBWNRWC for short.

Now, my SO is totally cool. She is so Unjealous it's almost weird. Cool, though.

[hypergirl]

Well let's see. A female friend of mine, my SO and I were in a chatroom and I was being ignored. So I made a comment along the lines of "No one loves me." and some random guy jokingly replied "I love you." and my boyfriend flipped out. His face turned bright red and he told the guy that he had better be kidding. I'm also worried because I'm going to homecoming with him on Saturday, and he doesn't dance and I do. So I'm going to dance with my male friends and I'm worried that he's going to misinterpert it, but I'm not going to sit on my ass the whole time. The weird thing is, this is the same guy who has no problem watching another guy finger me. But that was a guy he trusts. And he also loves watching me flirt and dance with all my female friends. I love the guy, but I don't think I will ever understand him.

[Satan]

Originally posted by hypergirl

The weird thing is, this is the same guy who has no problem watching another guy finger me.

Wha?!?!?
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[red_dragon60]

Yes, hypergirl, do elaborate!

[Cervaise]

Scotticher: Well, Cervaise, since I have met your wife katrina, I would have to say that you would be a fool if you didn't feel like a lucky man. She is intelligent, charming, beautiful and a dollface.

:D :D :D

Of course, logically, just because I do feel lucky, that doesn't mean I'm not, strictly speaking, a fool anyway. But maybe my wife should answer that. :)

Oh, and I'm continuing to shake my head at what some of you other folks have to put up with. My first girlfriend in college was a little strange on the possessiveness issue -- she didn't want to kiss or even have my arm around her in public, but she used to go through my address book and ask for details about each of the women -- but that's nowhere near as bad as some of these other stories.

I guess I was lucky then, and really lucky now...

[Mr. Cynical]

Originally posted by hypergirl
But that was a guy he trusts.
I guess THAT straightens things up. :rolleyes:

[Sue Duhnym]

Not that anyone will read this waiting for hypergirl's answer...

My ex-asshole was insane. Oh yeah, he was jealous too, so I guess that would qualify him as insanely jealous.

The strangest manifestation of this was when I was wearing a slightly low-cut bodysuit with my jeans. Due to his height (6'4") and the fact that he was standing right next to me he could see straight down my shirt.

He insisted that I was flaunting my clevage to the mentally handicapped bag boy at the grocery store and exclaimed, "If you're going to show off your tits, I'm going to show off something too!"

Upon exiting the store, he proceeded to whip it out and saunter the length of the parking lot with Mr. Willy flapping in the breeze. :eek:

Wanna see a picture of him? Here: http://www.observer-eccentric.com/arts/dineout/archive/dine174.shtml It should be captioned: Stay away from this man, he is a lunatic!!!

Here

[CanadianSue]

Sue, one time I was approached by a guy in a trench coat while walking to my car in a parkade. I was about 8 months pregnant and I didn't really think anything of it until he got closer and i saw him undoing the belt. He flashed me and stood there so proud. All I could do is laugh hysterically, until he finally ran.

Maybe your ex has a part time job? ;)

[hypergirl]

Originally posted by red_dragon60
Yes, hypergirl, do elaborate!

Allrighty then, don't say you didn't ask for it.

Umm...first, you have to understand that all of my friends are extremely open sexually with each other. Me and my now boyfriend, then good friend, went to go visit another male friend of ours because he was moving. I wound up complaining that I had never seen a porn movie, and this male friend happened to have an extensive collection of videos. So we started watching one and all three of us were getting worked up. So I, being the only female there, was subject to the attentions of two guys, both of whom I was attracted to in some way. So they were sitting next to each other on the couch and I layed across both of their laps. And then they started taking turns "pleasuring me". Damn, that was fun.

OK, I think I put in a bit too much information, but oh well.

[Satan]

You didn't reciprocate? Even a little bit?

C'mon... I'm 552 miles away from my fiancee here. Help a brother out...
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I'm 552 miles away from you too, but I liked that story just fine the way it was...