Why do sex dreams always end before penetration?

[Acsenray]

Okay, maybe this is just me, but I find that my sex dreams almost invariably involve a lot of build up, rarely get to actual nudity, and almost never get as far as penetration.

Have sex dreams been studied to the extent that one might know how common this is and if so whether the the learned researchers have proposed any likely explanations?

[Gfactor]

Maybe it's not just you, but it's not everybody.

In Zadra's study, participants jotted down every dream they had, whether it was sexual or not. All in all, they noted 3,564 dreams. Of those dreams, 292 included sexual content.

"Sexual intercourse was the most common type of sexual content, followed by sexual propositions, kissing, and fantasies," Zadra writes.http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20070614/sex-dreams-equal-8-percent-of-adults-dreams?src=rss_psychtoday

[SSG Schwartz]

It may have something to do with your imagination, or the how often you look at naked people, but there is usually nudity in my sex dreams. Not always penetration, but some sort of sex act, why else would it be a sex dream. Not to orgasm, at least for the last 20 years.

You didn't ask, but Male, hetro, 39

SSG Schwartz

[Aioua]

My dreams rarely get to nudity, and never into actual sex.

Though, I'm a virgin, so I don't have much source material... ^^*

[OneCentStamp]

I'm a virgin, so I don't have much source material... ^^*I think there's something to this. My sex dreams, throughout my life, have gone about as far as my real-world experience at the time. I guess my mind is reluctant to speculate on the great unknown. These days, most of my sex dreams reach penetration.

34, hetero male

[Acsenray]

It may have something to do with your imagination

Perhaps. After I wake up, I get the feeling of having participated in a 1960s-style sex caper, in which there is a lot of running around, sneaking, avoiding notice, trying to persuade a partner, etc. It's all fun, but, you know, slightly unfulfilling.

or the how often you look at naked people

Well, I see my wife naked every day, and it's something I quite enjoy. And if you count pictures of naked people, then I'd say I should have a pretty good reference library for my dreams to draw on.

Not always penetration, but some sort of sex act, why else would it be a sex dream.

Well, I call them sex dreams because they're about sex, as in, all the actions within them are taken with sex as a goal, even if the broadcast is interrupted before the culminative scene has aired.

[Happy Lendervedder]

I guess this will generate quite a few thread views.


I haven't had sex dreams in a while, but the ones that stand out in my mind usually involved me scanning porno magazines (for masturbatory reasons), but unable to find any pictures of nude women. That to me seems as frustrating as the "no penetration" aspect described in the OP.

It also strikes me as somewhat humorous that in my dreams I was unable to get any, even from myself.

[DrDeth]

I sometimes have dreams that end in penetration or even orgasm. But "frustrating dreams/nitemares" are very common, those with a goal that keeps getting fruther out of reach. Like Alice and the egg.

[SSG Schwartz]

Perhaps. After I wake up, I get the feeling of having participated in a 1960s-style sex caper, in which there is a lot of running around, sneaking, avoiding notice, trying to persuade a partner, etc. It's all fun, but, you know, slightly unfulfilling.



Wow, your sex dreams seem better than mine. :D

SSG Schwartz

[John Mace]

Mine don't, at least not always. But, like many dreams, they more often than not involve some absurd scenario and end up going in an entirely different direction altogether.

[hotflungwok]

Heh, I hate sex dreams. I've never had a fullfilling one. They always end in frustration. Not a good way to start a day.

[mlees]

I don't have that many "frustrated ambitions" dreams, but most of my dreams end before a "touch down" is scored. Maybe because my brain was getting too excited to maintain a coherent dream-state. Dunno.

I know that a lot of what I consider exciting about sex isn't limited to the physical contact, but also the "anticipation" phase. Sharing deep passionate stares and/or kisses, holding hands, and knowing that I'm going to get some in a few short minutes tends to dominate my dreams of late.

[panache45]

I have all sorts of sex dreams. Interestingly, my most recurring sex dream involves the one thing that I can't do in reality* (I'm not that limber).

*My partner can do it, one of the many, many reasons why I envy him.

[Khadaji]

Mine almost always end before orgasm, but not necessarily before penetration.

[CalMeacham]

My dreams rarely get to nudity, and never into actual sex.

Though, I'm a virgin, so I don't have much source material... ^^*




I almost never have sex dreams, which annoys me, because I have a hyperactive imagination, and a great interest in sex. And I've been married for ...uhh... longer than I want to admit. I've almost never had a dream that even comes close to the subject of sex. Only one case I can recall that even had nudity.


But I've had several dreams where I INVENT things, and those I can remember -- 3D Television (it'd work, too). Butane-powered model cars. THESE I recall.


I'm obviously a hopeless nerd.

[The Scrivener]

My [female] sex dreams range from Rated G right through U, NC-17, and XXX, although about half of them only get as far as hitting it off conversationally and exchanging meaningful looks, first kisses or holding hands or whatnot. My main complaint is that I don't have enough of them (or recall having had them, anyway).

I had a doozy last night. Met a cute guy who was definitely a bit of a rascal, who just happened to be in my neighborhood -- actually, front yard -- again (in the real world, that would be stalking, but this was dreamland, and some of my judgement circuits were switched off), followed by a lot of flirting and talking, and finally some very nice first kisses. With his mother [WTH?!!?] just a few feet away, so we cut it short before he could get overly worked up, dammit (even though this was supposedly happening at my place... on a non-existent screened-in front porch with a non-existent front-porch swing for two... just another dream-logic non-sequitur). :smack:

Now if only my Dream Central Casting Couch would send me a cute rascal who happens to be orphaned, I might just get somewhere!

[Telperien]

I, um, have sex dreams more than any other kind of dream, and they tend to be widely varied and sometimes a bit bizarre. What I wouldn't do to have a nice flying dream at times.

[OneCentStamp]

I almost never have sex dreams, which annoys me, because I have a hyperactive imagination, and a great interest in sex. And I've been married for ...uhh... longer than I want to admit. I've almost never had a dream that even comes close to the subject of sex. Only one case I can recall that even had nudity.


But I've had several dreams where I INVENT things, and those I can remember -- 3D Television (it'd work, too). Butane-powered model cars. THESE I recall.


I'm obviously a hopeless nerd.So, do/did you just not have wet dreams very often? Or did you ejaculate to dreams of butane-powered cars? If the latter is true, you are a nerd, the likes of which I have rarely seen. :p

[marshmallow]

When I was 17-18 or so I had wetdreams every once in awhile and they were quite nice. Not only was there penetration, but there was always a very satisfying orgasm which would often wake me up. Somehow, this seemed to happen mostly in the morning when I was about to wake up anyway and not in, say, the dead of night. But I haven't had wetdreams like those for quite some time. I really do miss them, which is a rather sad statement.

[Ludy]

I think there's something to this. My sex dreams, throughout my life, have gone about as far as my real-world experience at the time. I guess my mind is reluctant to speculate on the great unknown. These days, most of my sex dreams reach penetration.

34, hetero male

I must be your polar opposite. I have had a relatively vanilla sex life and my dreams are anything but. For example the other night I had a crazy threesome dream with two women.

I am a straight female and the closest thing I have had to any female sexual contact was that one kiss in College. You know the story, group gets drunk, one adventurous girl in the group goes around kissing all the other girls to drive the guys crazy. (I was one of the innocents getting kissed ?)

Don’t tell my fiancé. He might get ideas…

[jtgain]

I must be your polar opposite. I have had a relatively vanilla sex life and my dreams are anything but. For example the other night I had a crazy threesome dream with two women.

I am a straight female and the closest thing I have had to any female sexual contact was that one kiss in College. You know the story, group gets drunk, one adventurous girl in the group goes around kissing all the other girls to drive the guys crazy. (I was one of the innocents getting kissed ?)

Don’t tell my fiancé. He might get ideas…

(Bolding mine)

I wish I knew the story. I wish I partied with your friends in college. Damn :smack:

[Hypnagogic Jerk]

I must be your polar opposite. I have had a relatively vanilla sex life and my dreams are anything but. For example the other night I had a crazy threesome dream with two women.
My sex dreams gravitate towards things that I fantasize about, but haven't actually done in real life, and might not do even if I had the chance. For example, I'm a straight male, but I have a few same-sex fantasies, and my sex dreams often involve gay sex.

Also, I usually reach orgasm in these dreams, unless I wake up sufficiently to decide that I don't want a wet dream. I usually don't, since it's kind of messy.

[Cervaise]

My sex dreams, throughout my life, have gone about as far as my real-world experience at the time.Believe me, I wish I could take back that whole thing with the Disneyland mascot.I guess this will generate quite a few thread views.Yes, it's quite a sticky title.

[Shagnasty]

What I wouldn't do to have a nice flying dream at times.

I have basically the same "flying dream" at least once a week if you can call it that. I can jump and then hover a foot or so above the ground. The fun part is that I can surf or ski down any incline and any fall lands gracefully and gently like a video game character. It happens so often I decided to accept it as a real part of my life and it is quite fun. All of our reality is caused by the selective firing of neurons anyway so there is no need to exclude dreams if they are sufficiently convincing.

As to the sexual frustration point of the OP, I almost always have the same thing. I am a father of two young children so I have firm evidence that I have experience with taking things past the point of penetration but it almost never occurs in my dreams.

[fisha]

I have sex dreams all the time, and if I am not getting it at least every other day or so, they'll be wet dreams.

Never have a problem with completing the act. I wonder if I don't have a "stop" mechanism for wet dreams because I female, and ejaculation isn't a concern-I have not been trained out of it by parents or embarrassment from when I was younger.

[SailedTheOceanBlue]

It's not just you. While I always wake up right before dream penetration, I will occassioally dream orgasm which appears to happen in the real world too. Lucky me.

I don't have flying dreams either; I have bouncing, jumping dreams. I can leap to great heights and great distances. I'm like Tigger in my dreams.

[Lazlo]

1960s-style sex caper

Heh. New meme alert!

[Beaucarnea]

I have sex dreams all the time, and if I am not getting it at least every other day or so, they'll be wet dreams.

Never have a problem with completing the act. I wonder if I don't have a "stop" mechanism for wet dreams because I female, and ejaculation isn't a concern-I have not been trained out of it by parents or embarrassment from when I was younger.

Me too. Word for word. Does that mean something? That we are more relaxed, and comfortable with our fantasies and bodies? Or just a happy accident?

[Sofaspud]

I have basically the same "flying dream" at least once a week if you can call it that. I can jump and then hover a foot or so above the ground. The fun part is that I can surf or ski down any incline and any fall lands gracefully and gently like a video game character. It happens so often I decided to accept it as a real part of my life and it is quite fun. All of our reality is caused by the selective firing of neurons anyway so there is no need to exclude dreams if they are sufficiently convincing.
Whoa, creepy! I thought I was the only one who had that sort of 'flying' dream. Hovering is a much better word for it. I can 'feel' it, too, if that makes sense -- obviously I can't, physically, but I swear if I were able to do that while awake I know exactly what it would feel like, because I've felt it so often in dreams.

Mine usually take place (or start, anyway) in the same place -- an old abandoned mansion-type house with staircases and balconies and whatnot. Probably been there in person at some point, but damned if I can remember it consciously.

Whee, flying dreams!

</hijack>

[H3Knuckles]

Count me in with CalMeacham. Even in the height of puberty, I rarely had wet dreams. I still don't have many sex dreams. I think I can remember something like 3 or 4 in my entire life. None of those went past foreplay. Like Cal, I feel that I have a fairly vivid imagination, and (not necessarily like Cal) I'm a total pervert. For some reason though, I just don't have sex dreams.

Most of my surreal dreams disappear from my memory very quickly after I wake up. The ones that stick out in my mind tend to be very mundane, basically based off real-life situations, except people are acting somewhat out-of-character, or I'm anticipating a possible near-future event (like dreaming I've just woken up and I missed class). I have had a fairly large number of dreams where I became aware I was dreaming, but usually it was where something too good happens, or something notably improbable occurs. Nevertheless, even though I become aware that it's a dream, I still kind of play along, and don't seem to have the ability to choose what I do.

[Indistinguishable]

Nothing much to say, except that I'm right with the OP on this one. No idea why, but, hey, you're not alone.

[matt_mcl]

For a highly frustrating period a few years ago, it was because, without fail, whenever I would get to the sexy part, my annoying ex would phone me. In real life.

[garygnu]

...I still don't have many sex dreams... I feel that I have a fairly vivid imagination, and... I'm a total pervert. For some reason though, I just don't have sex dreams.
...
I'm no expert, but there might be a correlation here.
I, too, do not often have sex dreams, and I only remember one that got to penetration (and that one ended soon after that point). I am also a bit of a perv and have a vivid imagination.

[Sanity Challenged]

My [female] sex dreams range from Rated G right through U, NC-17, and XXX, although about half of them only get as far as hitting it off conversationally and exchanging meaningful looks, first kisses or holding hands or whatnot. My main complaint is that I don't have enough of them (or recall having had them, anyway).

I had a doozy last night. Met a cute guy who was definitely a bit of a rascal, who just happened to be in my neighborhood -- actually, front yard -- again (in the real world, that would be stalking, but this was dreamland, and some of my judgement circuits were switched off), followed by a lot of flirting and talking, and finally some very nice first kisses. With his mother [WTH?!!?] just a few feet away, so we cut it short before he could get overly worked up, dammit (even though this was supposedly happening at my place... on a non-existent screened-in front porch with a non-existent front-porch swing for two... just another dream-logic non-sequitur). :smack:

Now if only my Dream Central Casting Couch would send me a cute rascal who happens to be orphaned, I might just get somewhere!

My folks are halfway across the country, so I'll volunteer for an uninterrupted appearance in your sex dreams. ;)

[fessie]

It's all your fault that I had a terribly kinky dream involving Bill Maher last night.

[JRDelirious]

Shagnasty, Sofaspud, another dream-levitation-surfer (essentially it's like acrobatic skateboarding without the benefit of a skateboard or the risk of falling down. Thing is I haven't been on a board since I was a child and would probably kill myself if I tried to get back on one).

As for the sex dreams, yes, there is a lot of "Skinemax" dreaming, and my hypothesis is that the brain starts trying to get too many things straight to keep the dream running; specially if the other character is NOT someone I have encountered in that context IRL -- it's like, I detect the disconnect between the sense-memory and the scenario (that is, my brain knows what it feels like to do it with a limited number of people, and it's a set of sensory stimuli that is not only the feeling at the genital point-of-contact but various other visual, auditory, olfactory and kinesthetic clues. Sometimes the dreaming brain apparently can reassemble and transpose various such clues into a new composite that works, but other times, it begins to "feel wrong" and the dream state falls apart ("hold it, this new girl, she feels like A, but smells like B and is about the dimensions of C, and BTW since when do I have a fireplace in my den... and a picture window... and why is all the furniture bus seats... wait, I don't have a den... uh, oh, abnormal perception of reality...<wakeup>")

[CalMeacham]

So, do/did you just not have wet dreams very often? Or did you ejaculate to dreams of butane-powered cars? If the latter is true, you are a nerd, the likes of which I have rarely seen.



I had nocturnal emissions, but I never had "wet dreams" in the sense that sex dreams accompanied them. They didn't accompany dreams of cool technology, either (thank god -- I'm not that total a nerd). Usually there was no dream that I can recall at all, or else it accompanied a random, non-associated dream.




I might be a total pervert, too, H3Knuckles, or yoiu might NOT be. It depends on your definitions.

[chowder]

The burning question is "Why do sex dreams have to end?"

[fisha]

I'm no expert, but there might be a correlation here.
I, too, do not often have sex dreams, and I only remember one that got to penetration (and that one ended soon after that point). I am also a bit of a perv and have a vivid imagination.

Nah, that ain't it, either. Or I won the trifecta-perv, vivid imagination, and sex dreamer.

Beau, haven't we already established we are just slightly different versions of the same person?

[aldiboronti]

Clearly you're being prematurely ejaculated from your dreams. They must have a hair trigger.

[corkboard]

My sex dreams frequently involve penetration, just not orgasm. Most of my sex dreams are pretty wild and include oral, vaginal and anal sex, sometimes with my wife but often with someone unknown, and always with other people present. Sometimes the others are also having sex as if it's an orgy, sometimes they're going about their normal daily business and don't give a second thought to the fact that two people right in full public view are having some rather wild sweaty naked penetrative sex right next to them.

But they always end by me waking up right before orgasm. So I usually roll over to spoon my wife and enjoy the real thing.

[Gfactor]

Seems like the factual part of this question has been answered, and this thread has become more of a poll. I'll move it from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion.

Gfactor
General Questions Moderator

[H3Knuckles]

I might be a total pervert, too, H3Knuckles, or yoiu might NOT be. It depends on your definitions.

Heh, I was trying to phrase it in such a way that it wasn't implying you were one. I'm definitely pervy though. If there is such a thing as a poster familiar with my history on this board, they probably knew that already. ;)

[Beaucarnea]

Nah, that ain't it, either. Or I won the trifecta-perv, vivid imagination, and sex dreamer.

Beau, haven't we already established we are just slightly different versions of the same person?

True, true. Let's retire to our respective chambers and take a nap. ;)

[The Scrivener]

As for the sex dreams, yes, there is a lot of "Skinemax" dreaming, and my hypothesis is that the brain starts trying to get too many things straight to keep the dream running; specially if the other character is NOT someone I have encountered in that context IRL -- it's like, I detect the disconnect between the sense-memory and the scenario (that is, my brain knows what it feels like to do it with a limited number of people, and it's a set of sensory stimuli that is not only the feeling at the genital point-of-contact but various other visual, auditory, olfactory and kinesthetic clues. Sometimes the dreaming brain apparently can reassemble and transpose various such clues into a new composite that works, but other times, it begins to "feel wrong" and the dream state falls apart ("hold it, this new girl, she feels like A, but smells like B and is about the dimensions of C, and BTW since when do I have a fireplace in my den... and a picture window... and why is all the furniture bus seats... wait, I don't have a den... uh, oh, abnormal perception of reality...<wakeup>")

This rings very true to me. It seems to me that the subconscious will quickly cobble together things like backgrounds and architecture (often getting them all wrong) and even a roomful of extras, but apparently struggles to make strange lovers and others I will meaningfully interact with seem very real -- although it doesn't feel labored when I'm dreaming them. (Although any fan of David Cronenberg's movies will recall that all things AI and artificial reality have always had difficulty with assembling "the new flesh". Living things are simply very complex.)

I think another factor is simply running out of time, be that REM-cycle duration or the alarm clock. By the time your brain establishes a situation, introduces the character[s], and gets the chemistry thing rolling, your time's almost up. My dreams often end when I can no longer ignore the wierd architecture, porch swings, etc., but that usually coincides with the termination of dreaming anyway.

I'd really like to have serial dreams, with recurrent story lines and characters; but I rarely ever dream about the same strangers twice. Unfortunately, the most oft-repeated dream themes for me are the banally realistic ones. For ex., in the months before Christmas, I often dream of getting stuck in an interminably long, barely-moving line in a post office or department store -- clearly a reflection of my anxieties about getting the shopping, wrapping, and mailings done on time.

Oh well, it could be worse. I should feel grateful that my post-office dreams have never morphed into sex dreams, 'cause that would get really ugly.

[Idlewild]

Many of my sex dreams cut short when I realize that, however wild and exciting the scenario is, my potential partner does not have a condom with him, and my wild, non-vanilla sex would also be unsafe. Apparently even my subconscious is totally hung up on the safe sex message, but geez, it's frustrating.

I don't dream about sex with women as often, although it'd be better, as that doesn't seem to result in the whole panicky search for dream birth-control thing.

[elfkin477]

I usually don't remember what my sex dreams are about. I only assume they're about sex since I've woken up at the uh, apparent climax of the dream, a few times ;) Definitely not a bad way to wake up. I think I actually prefer not remembering those dreams - one I do recall involved having an affair with a teacher I hadn't seen in a decade. Ick.

Until this summer I never had a flying dream. But now I've had one where flying on a broom suddenly became a reality. It was pretty neat.