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glee
10-10-2007, 05:25 AM
I'm teaching some after-school classes of 7-10 year olds.
It's going really well and a small part of that is that I tell a joke at the end of every lesson. :cool:
The kids like the routine and look forward to the humour. In fact, I said once "Please listen or I won't tell the joke" - and they immediately all focused. :D

But I'm running out of jokes. :eek:

So far I have used:

- two goldfish on a tank. One of them says "How do you drive this?"

- two parrots on a perch. One of them says "Can you smell fish?"

- doctor, the Invisible Man is here. Tell him I can't see him!

- doctor, a nervous man is here. He thinks he's a pair of curtains. Tell him tp pull himself together!

As you see, the standard is not high - but they laugh out loud, so it's what they want.
Also a punchline that takes a little while to work out is interesting to them. "Oh, I get it now!"
If you have material along the above lines, I would be grateful for your help.

Gregor Samsa
10-10-2007, 05:33 AM
What flowers grow between your nose and your chin?

Tulips. (two lips)

twickster
10-10-2007, 05:46 AM
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

samclem
10-10-2007, 05:59 AM
Moved to MPSIMS.

samclem GQ moderator

DSYoungEsq
10-10-2007, 06:01 AM
I presume you are not looking for the old standbys like the ones about "Artie choke" or "What is black and white and read all over (not that they'd understand the concept of a black and white newspaper any more anyway)."

FairyChatMom
10-10-2007, 06:23 AM
My daughter used to love this one at that age:

What's the best way to catch a fish? Have it thrown to you.

And my youngest sister told this to everyone when she was that age:

Sis: Ask me if I took a shower last night.

Victim: Did you take a shower last night?

Sis: Why - is one missing? <insert much hilarity>

Grey
10-10-2007, 06:32 AM
Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

I've heard this one over and over and over and over.....

racer72
10-10-2007, 06:36 AM
A guy goes to a doctor. He tells the doc he has the same dream every night. First he's a teepee, then he's a wigwam. The doctor told him he needs to relax, he's too tense.

flodnak
10-10-2007, 06:49 AM
What do you get when you run over a canary with a lawnmower? Shredded tweet.

Did you hear about the bald man who got a comb for his birthday? He said Thanks! I'll never part with it.

Why do elephants paint their toenails? So they can hide in jellybean jars.
Hmm? You say you've never seen an elephant in a jellybean jar? Then you see how well it works!

Why do firemen wear red suspenders? To hold their pants up.

Malacandra
10-10-2007, 06:52 AM
How do you stop your dog barking in the back garden? - Put him in the front garden.

Why is the letter V like an angry wasp? - Because it comes after U.

Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself? - Because it's two-tyred.

What did the scarf say to the hat? - You go on ahead, I'll hang around.

Two eggs are boiling in a saucepan. One says "Cor, it's hot in here." The other one says "You wait till you get out, you'll get your head bashed in!"

Two flies are playing football in a saucer. One of them fouls, and the other one says "Hey, watch your tackling - I'm playing in the Cup next week!"

Hakuna Matata
10-10-2007, 07:10 AM
my daughter used to love to do this one

What you eating under there?

wait for it and your audience says



underwhere? (underwear)

much hilarity ensues
my daughter thought that was the funniest joke for years :)

SharkB8
10-10-2007, 07:42 AM
Teller: Knock knock
Answerer: Who's there?
Teller: Interrupting cow.
Answerer: Interrupting c--
Teller: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I went to buy some camouflage pants. I couldn't find any.

A semi truck filed with tortoises tipped over on the interstate. It was a turtle loss.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.

What do you can a blind deer in the woods?
No ideer.
What do you call a blind deer in the woods with no legs?
Still, no ideer.

I'm here all week!

TwoTrouts
10-10-2007, 08:31 AM
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guts!


What did the pirate say when he appeared on "Wheel of Fortune"?

Arrr. I would like to buy an "I" (eye). (Best if told while wearing an eye-patch).

Marlitharn
10-10-2007, 08:48 AM
Why did the pirate put a raincoat on his parrot?
So he'd be Polly-unsaturated.

What's green and red and goes 100 miles an hour?
A frog in a blender.

What's green and red and brown and goes 100 miles an hour?
Same frog two days later.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.

That last one was courtesy of www.jokesbykids.com And so was this one, although blonde jokes might not be the done thing for a classroom:

What do you get when you stick seven blondes in the freezer?
Frosted Flakes!

VunderBob
10-10-2007, 08:51 AM
I presume you are not looking for the old standbys like the ones about "Artie choke" or "What is black and white and read all over (not that they'd understand the concept of a black and white newspaper any more anyway)."
But if you say "a skunk with diaper rash", they'll get it.

Malodorous
10-10-2007, 08:52 AM
Q:What was the last thing that went through the flies mind when it hit the windshield?

A:His Butt!

As a bonus, even the ones who don't get it will laugh, because all seven-year olds will laugh at the word butt even without the joke.

freckafree
10-10-2007, 09:34 AM
A sheriff drives up to a rancher's house and says, "We're looking for a wanted man. Maybe you've seen him. He's wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, brown paper boots, and a brown paper hat."

Rancher: "What's he wanted for?"

Sherrif: "Rustling."

Foxy40
10-10-2007, 09:36 AM
My 8 year olds favorite joke.

A duck goes into a supermarket and asks the manager "Do you have any grapes?" Grapes not being in season, the manager said no. The next day, the same duck comes in and asks "Do you have any grapes?" Again, the manager says no. Third day, duck waddles in "Hey, do you have any grapes?". Now the manager is annoyed. If you ask me for grapes one more time I am going to staple your bill shut.
Next day duck comes back. "Do you have any staples?" No replied the manager. "Good. Then do you have any grapes?"

glee
10-10-2007, 09:44 AM
Thanks all!

Please keep them coming....

cwthree
10-10-2007, 09:46 AM
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.
I'll have you know this knocked 'em dead at an adults-only staff meeting last week. :)

Bobotheoptimist
10-10-2007, 09:47 AM
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

Two hookers and a pimp walk into a crack house, the first ... Wait, never mind.

Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stomp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stomp out flaming ducks.

Three little pigs walk up to a farmer and say - "Mr. Farmer, may we please have some straw to build a house?"
The farmer says "Holy crap! A talking pig."

Max Torque
10-10-2007, 09:57 AM
Elephant jokes are always good. My favorite:

Q: Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white, and smooth, they'd be aspirin.

And of course, what do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Elefino.

kayT
10-10-2007, 10:05 AM
Lady opens refrigerator and finds a rabbit staring at her. "What are you doing?!" she asks. Rabbit says, "Isn't this a Westinghouse?" Lady says yes it is. "Well, I'm just westing." (I loved this when I was 8. And 9. And today...)

Shirley Ujest
10-10-2007, 10:09 AM
Pete and Repeat were sitting on a log.

Pete fell off. Who was left?

Repeat.


Pete and repeat were sitting on a log.....



(This joke is my usually 'filler' joke when the kids are getting all " He's touching me" in the car. Drives the nuts and they fall for it every time.

HazelNutCoffee
10-10-2007, 10:10 AM
Three little pigs walk up to a farmer and say - "Mr. Farmer, may we please have some straw to build a house?"
The farmer says "Holy crap! A talking pig."
My favorite version of this joke is with the muffins:

Two muffins are in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Boy, it sure is hot in here."

And the other one jumps back and goes, "Holy crap a talking muffin!"

Jackmannii
10-10-2007, 10:21 AM
I wasn't going to post this, but compared to the flaming duck and fly jokes it is positively tasteful*:

"The only problem with Baptists is that they don't hold them underwater long enough."*



*source: Kinky Friedman.

might be better for the 10-year-old end of the range.

Septima
10-10-2007, 10:27 AM
This four ones sort of fit to together, so see if your kids can remeber from day to day.

Day 1: How do you get an elephant into the refridgerator? You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.

Day 2. How do you get a giraffe into the refridgerator? You open the door, take out the elephant, put the giraffe inside, and close the door.

Day 3. How do you get four elphants into a car? Two on the backseat, two on the front seat.


Day 4: How do you get four giraffes into a car? (see how many guess a repeat of day 2) You can't - the fourth one is still stuck in the fridge!

cwthree
10-10-2007, 10:39 AM
Q:What was the last thing that went through the flies mind when it hit the windshield?

A:His Butt!

As a bonus, even the ones who don't get it will laugh, because all seven-year olds will laugh at the word butt even without the joke.

If butt jokes are OK, how about fart jokes?

Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Rabbit farts.

Rico
10-10-2007, 10:51 AM
You: Hey I got a great knock-knock joke for you! You start it!

Kid: Knock Knock!

You: Who's there?

Kid: ??????????


Gets 'em every time!

Yllaria
10-10-2007, 11:22 AM
Usually told together.

Knock Knock ----- Knock Knock
Who's There ----- Who's There
Ether -------------- Cargo
Ether who? ------- Cargo who?
Ether Bunny ------- Car go "beep, beep", run over Ether Bunny

And the ever popular elephant jokes:

What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

How can you tell if an elephant's been in your refrigerator?
Look for footprints in the butter.

How do you get down from an elephant?
You don't get down from an elephant - you get down from a duck.

glee
10-10-2007, 11:25 AM
This four ones sort of fit to together, so see if your kids can remeber from day to day.

Day 1: How do you get an elephant into the refridgerator? You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.

Day 2. How do you get a giraffe into the refridgerator? You open the door, take out the elephant, put the giraffe inside, and close the door.

Day 3. How do you get four elphants into a car? Two on the backseat, two on the front seat.


Day 4: How do you get four giraffes into a car? (see how many guess a repeat of day 2) You can't - the fourth one is still stuck in the fridge!

Day 5: How do you get two whales in a car?
Down the M4. :confused:

VunderBob
10-10-2007, 11:37 AM
Why are you not supposed to walk in the jungle between 2 and 4 PM?

Because the elephants are jumping out of the trees.


Why are Pygmires so short?

Because they walk in the jungle between 2 and 4.

Flander
10-10-2007, 11:46 AM
Why is a giraffe's neck so long?


Because it's head is so far away from it's body.


Makes me giggle every time.

Euryphaessa
10-10-2007, 12:03 PM
A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch!"

OneCentStamp
10-10-2007, 12:06 PM
A psychiatrist goes to visit three patients at his mental hospital who are scheduled for possible release if he decides they're well enough for the outside world. He walks into the room of the first guy and the guy is holding a toilet plunger, which he is swinging over and over again in a long, graceful arc.

"Hello there. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing there?"
"Well, if I get out of here, I was thinking of becoming a golfer. So I'm practicing my swing."
"That's great to hear." The doctor makes a little check mark on his chart and leaves.

He then walks into the second patient's room. This patient is holding a toilet plunger with one hand and jabbing it into the air in front of him. His other hand is on his hip.

"Well, good morning. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing with that?"
"If I can get out of here, I'm going to become an Olympic fencer. So I'm getting in some practice."
"What a great idea." The doctor again makes a little check mark on his chart and leaves.

The doctor arrives in the third patient's room. This one is sitting cross legged, completely naked, on his bed. In front of him is a large pile of acorns. The man is taking the acorns one at a time, rubbing them vigorously on his penis, and throwing them into a pile on the floor.

"Good morning. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing there?""Ah, man. I'll never get out of here...I'm fuckin' nuts.

What? :cool:

Slypork
10-10-2007, 12:14 PM
A psychiatrist goes to visit three patients at his mental hospital who are scheduled for possible release if he decides they're well enough for the outside world. He walks into the room of the first guy and the guy is holding a toilet plunger, which he is swinging over and over again in a long, graceful arc.

"Hello there. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing there?"
"Well, if I get out of here, I was thinking of becoming a golfer. So I'm practicing my swing."
"That's great to hear." The doctor makes a little check mark on his chart and leaves.

He then walks into the second patient's room. This patient is holding a toilet plunger with one hand and jabbing it into the air in front of him. His other hand is on his hip.

"Well, good morning. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing with that?"
"If I can get out of here, I'm going to become an Olympic fencer. So I'm getting in some practice."
"What a great idea." The doctor again makes a little check mark on his chart and leaves.

The doctor arrives in the third patient's room. This one is sitting cross legged, completely naked, on his bed. In front of him is a large pile of acorns. The man is taking the acorns one at a time, rubbing them vigorously on his penis, and throwing them into a pile on the floor.

"Good morning. I'm Dr. Smith. What are you doing there?""Ah, man. I'll never get out of here...I'm fuckin' nuts.

What? :cool:Youd tell that to a 7 year old? Please Og let this be a whoosh and Im just too dense to catch it.

OneCentStamp
10-10-2007, 12:38 PM
Youd tell that to a 7 year old? Please Og let this be a whoosh and Im just too dense to catch it.Of course I wouldn't (I have a 7 year old!). I was just kidding. :D

Slypork
10-10-2007, 01:52 PM
Of course I wouldn't (I have a 7 year old!). I was just kidding. :DWhew! Youve restored my faith in humanity.

Knock, knock
Whos there?
Dwayne
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub, Im dwowning!

How do you shoot a blue rabbit?
With a blue rabbit gun.
How do you shoot a pink rabbit?
Hold it by the neck till it turns blue then use the blue rabbit gun.

What do you get when you have 100 rabbits in a row all marching backwards?
A receding hare line.

Slightly dirty: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?
He was trying to find Pooh.

Rysto
10-10-2007, 02:02 PM
This four ones sort of fit to together, so see if your kids can remeber from day to day.

Day 1: How do you get an elephant into the refridgerator? You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.

Day 2. How do you get a giraffe into the refridgerator? You open the door, take out the elephant, put the giraffe inside, and close the door.


The way I've heard this end is:

3. All of the animals in the jungle have a big meeting. Who misses it?
A: The giraffe -- he's stuck in the fridge

4. You come across a river known to be infested by piranha. How do you get across?
A: Just swim right across -- the piranha are at the meeting.

Arglefraster
10-10-2007, 02:39 PM
This is one that my cousin made up

Q. How do you catch a rabbit?
A. Hide behind a tree and make carrot noises

And this one is my friend's 6-year-old's favorite joke

Q. Did you hear about the new pirate movie?
A. It's rated Arrrr!

Also I just wanted to add that the talkin muffin is my new favorite joke.

Sauron
10-10-2007, 02:53 PM
What's big and red and eats rocks?
A big red rock-eater.

What's big and blue and eats rocks?
A big blue rock-eater.

What's big and green and eats rocks?
(Usually, at this point, the kids will figure out the pattern and will say "A big green rock-eater.") Nothing ... they only come in red and blue.

elucidator
10-10-2007, 02:54 PM
What did the Pink Panther say when it stepped on an ant?

Dead ant, dead ant, deadantdeadantdeadant.....

SharkB8
10-10-2007, 02:55 PM
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a beer and a mop.

grayhairedmomma
10-10-2007, 03:07 PM
I got these from some website that I don't remember:

What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.

What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding it's breath.

Where do you find a one-legged dog?
Where you left it.

FairyChatMom
10-10-2007, 03:16 PM
How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut.

sqweels
10-10-2007, 03:36 PM
Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

A: Beer Nuts are $1.39 and Deer Nuts are under a buck!

maggenpye
10-10-2007, 03:38 PM
Best told together,

Knock knock
Who's there?
Amos
Amos who?
A Mosquito

then

Anna
Anna who?
Another mosquito

Then

Yeti
Yeti Who?
Yet another mosquito

Then

Arnie
Arnie who?
Aren't ya glad I didn't say mosquito?

There are websites dedicated to kids jokes - they're the reason I don't let my child on the internet, I can't stand being the straightwoman.

Sunrazor
10-10-2007, 03:40 PM
My nephew made this one up one day:

What do you call a fish that works on Steinways?
A piano tuna.

I know, doesn't sound like much. But he was six. And I watched/listened to the process he went through "writing" the joke. I was blown away.

SharkB8
10-10-2007, 03:48 PM
I heard this one Scrubs a while back and I still get a tear in my eye:

One day a man walked into a doctor's office and says to the doctor, "Doc, I think I'm a moth."

The doctor goes, "You think you're a moth? Well I don't think you need a doctor, I think you need a psychiatrist."

The man goes, "Yeah, I know."

The doctor looks at him, puzzled, for a moment. "Then why did you come in here?"

"'Cause the light was on."

Bobotheoptimist
10-10-2007, 03:50 PM
Two snowmen standing in a field, the first says "Do you smell carrots?"

Telemark
10-10-2007, 04:27 PM
What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

Slithy Tove
10-10-2007, 04:28 PM
(hold the child's hand, palm up, take his thumb, and as you place it in his palm):

Mommy brought the new baby home and put him it in its crib. The brothers and sisters gathered around to see. The mother told each of them

(hold each finger in turn)

Don't touch the baby!
Don't touch the baby!
Don't touch the baby!
Don't touch the baby!

Where's the baby?

(the child will touch his thumb with his free hand)

Don't touch the baby!

OneCentStamp
10-10-2007, 04:48 PM
(hold the child's hand, palm up, take his thumb, and as you place it in his palm):

Mommy brought the new baby home and put him it in its crib. The brothers and sisters gathered around to see. The mother told each of them

(hold each finger in turn)

Don't touch the baby!
Don't touch the baby!
Don't touch the baby!
Don't touch the baby!

Where's the baby?

(the child will touch his thumb with his free hand)

Don't touch the baby!I don't know about 7-10, but my three year old is going to laugh her little head off when I try this one on her. :D :D

Mikemike2
10-10-2007, 04:49 PM
What do you call a fish with no eye?

?

?

?

A ffsshhhh!

cwthree
10-10-2007, 05:30 PM
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, my brother thinks he's a chicken."

The doctor says, "Well, bring him to see me and I'm sure we can set him straight."

The man says, "I would, but we need the eggs."

Septima
10-10-2007, 07:59 PM
The way I've heard this end is:

3. All of the animals in the jungle have a big meeting. Who misses it?
A: The giraffe -- he's stuck in the fridge

4. You come across a river known to be infested by piranha. How do you get across?
A: Just swim right across -- the piranha are at the meeting.
Reply With Quote

Hah! I heard it that way too, and just couldn't remember the last two, so posted an alternative version. Figures someone here would get it right.

rowrrbazzle
10-11-2007, 03:38 PM
Who was the tallest President?

Dwight D. Eiffeltower.

IvoryTowerDenizen
10-11-2007, 07:48 PM
OK- here are some to fit the bill (sorry if any are repeats- I didn't read the whole thread).


Q. What has four legs and one arm?
A. A rotweiller

Q. What's the difference between mashed potatos and pea soup?
A. Anyone can mash potatos...


Q. How much do pirates pay for their earings?
A. A buccanear

Q. What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot?
A. A carrot

Q. If you're an American when you go into the bathroom and American when you come out of the bathroom what are you when you're in the bathroom?
A. European


Well, you asked.... :)

mnemosyne
10-11-2007, 10:22 PM
I didn't see it in this thread yet....

A pirate walks into a bar, and the bartender calls out "Hey, where are your buccaneers?"

"Under my bucking hat!"


What 7 letters did Garfield say when he opened the fridge for a snack?

"O I C U R M T"

(I used to think that was really clever when I was a kid!)

Rick
10-11-2007, 10:49 PM
Mommy, Mommy why do I keep running in circles?
Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

Green Bean
10-12-2007, 01:03 AM
If slightly potty-ish ones are okay:

Did you hear about the Indian who drank too much tea?

He drowned in his teepee.


IDT: That rottweiler one is SO BAD! :D

Mosier
10-12-2007, 01:53 AM
A man walks into the doctors office. He says "I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam! I'm a teepee! I'm a wigwam!" The doctor says "relax, you're two tents".

cochrane
10-12-2007, 04:51 AM
A man takes his Rottweiler to see the vet. He says, "Doctor, I think my dog is cross eyed." The vet picks the dog up and looks into its eyes.
After a minute he says, "Umm, I think I'm going to have to put him down."
"Put him down?" the man exclaims. "Why, just because he's cross eyed?"
"No," the vet replies. "He's heavy."

Here's one I read in another thread:

A man goes to see his doctor. He says, "Doctor, I think I'm losing my hearing."
The doctor says, "All right, what are the symptoms?"
The man replies, "They're a yellow cartoon family. What's that have to do with my hearing?"

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Tarzan.
Tarzan who?
Tarzan Tripes Forever.

Q. What do you call the Golden Gate Bridge at 5:00 p.m.? (Or substitute any local heavily-traveled bridge.)
A. The Car-Strangled Spanner.

irishgirl
10-12-2007, 11:35 AM
What big and red and eats rocks?
A big red rock eater.
What's big and red and eats sand?
A big red rock eater on a diet.
What's big and red and eats leaves?
A big red rock eater who is a vegetarian.

Why do elephants have big ears?
Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.

What do you give a sick elephant?
Lots of room.

Why are elephants big, grey and wrinkly?
Because if they were small, white and round they'd be aspirins.

Monstera deliciosa
10-12-2007, 11:52 AM
What did the pony say after he cleared his throat?



"Excuse me, I'm a little horse."

IvoryTowerDenizen
10-12-2007, 12:11 PM
A big red rock eater who is a vegetarian.

Why do elephants have big ears?
Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.




Gotta say it- huh?

SiXSwordS
10-12-2007, 12:25 PM
Knock-knock
Who's there?
Ima Pielup. (Eura works too.)
Ima Pielup Who?Say it out loud.
tee hee

Sunrazor
10-12-2007, 01:31 PM
Why do elephants have big ears?
Noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
:confused: Probably because I'm not 7, this one goes right over my head.

Rilchiam
10-14-2007, 02:42 AM
Gotta say it- huh?

Big Ears and Noddy are cartoon characters.

I told that once to my British coworker. He laughed for almost a full minute.

IvoryTowerDenizen
10-14-2007, 09:21 AM
Big Ears and Noddy are cartoon characters.

I told that once to my British coworker. He laughed for almost a full minute.


Got it- thanks!

My daughter's contribution (she's 9 and made this up)

Q. What do you get when you cross a grandma with an octopus?

A. I don't know, but it can sure play bingo!

El Perro Fumando
10-14-2007, 10:18 AM
Forgive me if these have been told before. . .

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef


What did the snail say when he rode on the turtle's back?
(throw your arms in the air and yell) WHEEEE!

Shadez
10-14-2007, 10:30 AM
You can also go to your public library and check out the children's section.

My library has a few rows of joke & riddle books, in the non-fiction section in the 818.6s. Veryyyy popular. Fastest book display to disappear that I've ever had.

/Shadez

Clothahump
10-14-2007, 12:48 PM
Why is six afraid of seven?

Because seven ate nine....



An oldie but a goodie.

Tenebras
10-15-2007, 01:55 AM
Forgive me if these have been told before. . .

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef


What did the snail say when he rode on the turtle's back?
(throw your arms in the air and yell) WHEEEE!

What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.

What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.

You know how when geese migrate they fly in V's? How come the one side of the V is longer than the other?
Because there's more geese on that side.

What's green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

What do you call a boomarang that doesn't come back?
A stick.

What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.

DellieM
10-15-2007, 05:30 AM
What do you call without any eyes?
Fsh

There was a little boy who was tractor-crazy. Loved tractors. Had them on his bedspread, on his pyjamas, his lunchbox, posters of tractors on his wall. When he grew up he bought a big shiny tractor and it didn't work. Then he bought another and that didn't work either. So he gave up on tractors. One day he visited a diner and the waitress said, "Sorry about the smell of smoke in here but yesterday there was a fire in the kichen and we can't get rid of the smell". The man says "no worries, leave it to me" and when the waitress returns, she says "Wow the smell of smoke has gone! How did you do that?" and the man replies "I'm an ex-tractor fan."

(My 11 year old laughed and laughed, when he finally got it!)

Max Torque
10-15-2007, 09:48 AM
A chicken goes into a library, walks up to the librarian, and says [in your best chicken voice], "Book." So the librarian gives it a book. The chicken tucks the book under its wing and walks out.

The next day the chicken comes back. "Book, book." The librarian hands over two books. The chicken puts them under its wing and walks out.

The next day, the chicken comes back again. "Book, book, book." The librarian gives it three books this time. The chicken put the books under its wing and leave, but this time the librarian decides to follow the chicken. He follows the chicken out into the street, all the way across town, into the park, up to a pond, where there's a frog sitting on a rock.

The chicken shows the books to the frog. The frog says [in your very best frog voice], "Read it. Read it. Read it."

Seriously, it cracks the kids up.

SiXSwordS
10-15-2007, 10:14 AM
What did the farmer say when he lost hist tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"

Tripler
10-23-2007, 09:32 PM
Might be just a little risque for a 7-10 year old, but what the heck:

"What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?"

-- "Elephino!!! ("hell if I know!")"

Tripler
Thanks, I'm here all week!

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