I Pit This Guy at the Office Who Smells Like Hell Crammed Up the Ass of a Dead Salmon

[Grossbottom]

Dear Person of Arguable Importance,

You’re a man of taste and sophistication. Well, ok, not really. Actually, you’re the sort of self-promoting bourgeois douche whose indefatigable ability to spew semi-intelligent bullshit guarantees a certain degree of regrettable success in this business. But as repulsive as I might find you on a personal level, I can at least respect your ability to make it in the proverbial jungle. And what I mean is, you’re not exactly completely inept vis a vis the basic living skills of the modern human. You’ve litigated on three continents for over 30 years, and I think most people would agree that you have more than a passing familiarity with the body of law in which you practice.

Which is why I cannot understand why the fuck you stink so goddamn badly. Listen to me right now: the other day I walked into someone’s office, sniffed a cloud of solid vile reek lingering in the air, and then I said you’d just been there. Not in the form of a question, do you understand? An observation. Your recent departure was as clear and undeniable to me as a burning fucking bush in the dark of night. I smelled that you had been there, Pigpen. If we were in the wilderness, I now know that I could track you by scent alone. I would just follow whatever smelled most like a a handful of rotten meat after it's been raped by a skunk.

There have been days that your entire corner of this office building has reeked with the stench of whatever fucking odor you are managing, in violation of all the laws of what is pure and right, to produce. I think the wallpaper is coming off. Does it come from your mouth? Your skin? Your clothes? I don’t know, no one knows. I do know that I’ve offered associates two hundred dollars cash to leave a can of beribboned Right Guard on your desk. I’ve watched the mail girl actually stagger when passing your office door, each time she looks like Hong Kong Phooey just karate chopped the back of her neck.

How does a man at your level of social functionality get to this point, hygienically speaking? Aversion to soap? You and bathing just decided to part ways? Did someone drive an iron spike through your olfactory bulb on the way to cleaving your forebrain in two? For fuck’s sake, you are married. You go home to your wife, and she doesn’t say anything? If I was fuckin married to you and you came home smelling even remotely the way you do today, I would turn the hose on you and call the police. I would be convinced that my husband had been killed and had his clothes stolen by a hobo who was now assaulting my home with handfuls of his own feces, because nothing else could smell so goddamned horrible. If you left home smelling that way I’d commit seppuku from the wifely shame of it. What the fuck is going on in that house?

Do you remember when I drove you to the airport last year, and I suddenly swerved a little ways onto the shoulder of the road? And I said whoa, almost hit that turtle? I lied, there was no turtle. I blacked out for a second from the exposure to your body odor. After I dropped you off, I seriously considered setting my car on fire and going for the insurance money. The stench lingered a week, I drove around with Vicks VapoRub smeared into my nostrils.

We’ve tried being subtle, and you don’t get it. I have openly discussed the virtues of soap with other while you are in the room. Not because I find soap interesting, but because I am hoping against hope that you might begin to recognize that little white bar the hangs out in the bathroom. You think in moments of calm, me and the other guys sit around talking about Listerine because we just love it that much? No. All for your benefit, chief.

So on behalf of all those who have suffered and continue to suffer under the noisome stench of whatever toxins your body has taken upon itself to secrete, I say: bathe. Oh dead sweet christ, take a bath, maybe even two a day. Eat properly and brush your fucking teeth. Floss. Eat properly. Do these things and rejoin the human race. We all beg you.

Regards,

GB

[jali]

Eeeeeeeeewwwww!

[Waverly]

Very colorful. I can almost smell the stinky bastard through the monitor. I will not win humanitarian of the year for this, but the one time I encountered an employee with this type of problem, I told his manager to sit him down and teach him how take a shower or find cause to fire him. Pronto. He learned to shower.

[MsRobyn]

I find this amusing coming from a poster named Grossbottom. Nevertheless, some good, strong deodorant soap is in order, and perhaps a scrub brush.

Robin

[Dung Beetle]

I do know that I’ve offered associates two hundred dollars cash to leave a can of beribboned Right Guard on your desk.
I'll do it.

[Aangelica]

I'll do it.

Me too.

I could use the $200.

Hell, for $500 I'll come in and give him a gentle lecture on proper hygiene and refuse upon pain of more pain to reveal who hired me.

[ivylass]

Is it possible he suffers from some sort of medical condition, or do you know for sure he doesn't bathe more than once a month, whether he needs to or not?

[bump]

Is it possible he suffers from some sort of medical condition, or do you know for sure he doesn't bathe more than once a month, whether he needs to or not?


I'm going to have to be the insensitive one here, and ask if anyone cares if he has a medical condition or not?

He stinks, and it's not Grossbottom's job or any of his co-workers to put up with his reek, medical condition or not. He needs to get it treated, or stay away until he can somehow control it.

Sure, it sucks for him, but that's how it goes.

A question for Grossbottom: Do the partners at your firm care? Seems to me that this stinky guy would repel clients, and therefore limit the firm's ability to make money, and as you know, there's nothing that law firm partners can't abide like the idea of money not made.

[OneCentStamp]

Thanks, GB. That's the hardest I've laughed at a Pit OP in a month or two. :p

[beanpod]

It's pretty funny from over here, out of range of the stench.

This sounds like an issue for HR to me. You guys have tried being subtle and dropping hints. Any way some of you could submit anonymous requests for someone in the HR department there to have a quiet word with him? It's obviously affecting your work.

[Omegaman]

Is it possible he suffers from some sort of medical condition, or do you know for sure he doesn't bathe more than once a month, whether he needs to or not?

That's why the anonymous can of Right Guard and 24 pack of bar soap is the appropriate course of action. He gets the hint and doesn't have to face the embarrassment of knowing that everyone is aware of the problem. That's if you can keep a straight face after doing it. I had the unfortunate occasion to have this discussion with a coworker after drawing the short straw as it were and it was no fun. Give me the easy way out any day. Just make sure you don't leave it on his desk with a fucking bow on it. It will be on then for sure.

[Hal Briston]

I know MsRobyn already mentioned this, but it bears repeating --

When a guy who goes by the moniker "Grossbottom" says you smell bad, dude, you smell bad.

[pool]

Besides the stench are there any obvious signs that the guy isn't showering? Does his hair look greasy or anything? We must narrow the source down.

[Waenara]

And I said whoa, almost hit that turtle? I lied, there was no turtle. Definitely my favorite part.

[Wolfian]

Besides the stench are there any obvious signs that the guy isn't showering? Does his hair look greasy or anything? We must narrow the source down.
To follow up: are we talking BO smell? Poo smell? Cigars? Rotted teeth?

[Miller]

I'm going to have to be the insensitive one here, and ask if anyone cares if he has a medical condition or not?

He stinks, and it's not Grossbottom's job or any of his co-workers to put up with his reek, medical condition or not. He needs to get it treated, or stay away until he can somehow control it.

Sure, it sucks for him, but that's how it goes.

That raises an interesting question: what if there's a medical cause for his stench, and there's no treatment for it? What should he do? Never leave his house again?

[Waverly]

That raises an interesting question: what if there's a medical cause for his stench, and there's no treatment for it? What should he do? Never leave his house again?I don’t think it’s logical to ignore the issue because there is a remote possibility that he suffers from an untreatable condition. That would be looking to set the policy based on the exceptions.

This is somewhat similar to the obese people on airplanes dilemma. Sure, the guy next to me may suffer from a thyroid condition, but that does not negate the certain fact that he’s taking up half the seat I paid for and making me uncomfortable to the point of physical pain.

[Great Dave]

Is there a medical condition that would cause BO? Seems like those who would offer this out should check to see if there is any validity to it.

[Zsofia]

To follow up: are we talking BO smell? Poo smell? Cigars? Rotted teeth?
Maybe it's moldy-unwashed-clothes smell. Think outside the box.

[Miss Purl McKnittington]

Is there a medical condition that would cause BO? Seems like those who would offer this out should check to see if there is any validity to it.
People with uncontrolled blood sugars sometimes smell bad because their flesh is rotting or they have uncontrolled skin infections (bacteria, yeast) or the sugar is being shed in their sweat. Then they smell kind of ferment-y and sickeningly sweet. People who have bad teeth or gum disease usually have bad breath -- not just "Oh, I need a Tic Tac," but "Something died in my mouth" bad. Diabetics with poor control sometimes have bad breath, too. If he had some sort of incontinence problem then he could very well smell horrible.

Of course, he might just being using Sex Panther as an aftershave, too.

I think we need to narrow down what type of smell this is. We know it smells bad, but is it mildewy? Necrotic? Rotting fruit? Rotting meat? Cat piss?

[Miller]

I don’t think it’s logical to ignore the issue because there is a remote possibility that he suffers from an untreatable condition. That would be looking to set the policy based on the exceptions.

Who said anything about setting a policy? The number of people who show up to work emitting an eye-watering reek is small enough that I think it can be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. If the guy in the OP could show medical proof that there's nothing he can do about his odor, should he still be shown the door? Seems a little harsh on the stinky guy, is all. Would you be happy to have your tax dollars go to supporting this guy, because his incurable stank renders him unfit for employment?

This is somewhat similar to the obese people on airplanes dilemma. Sure, the guy next to me may suffer from a thyroid condition, but that does not negate the certain fact that he’s taking up half the seat I paid for and making me uncomfortable to the point of physical pain.

Somewhat similar, but the crucial difference is that, if the fat guy wants to travel by airplane without discomforting other people, he can always buy a second seat. If this guy can't help how he smells, there's really nothing he can do to limit how it affects other people, short of boarding up his front door and never leaving the house again. Which, again, seems a liitle harsh.

[iftheresaway]

Of course, he might just being using Sex Panther as an aftershave, too.



Ok, the OP made me giggle, but for some reason, this line made me laugh out loud, to the point where my husband (in the middle of watching The Shining and therefore presumable inured to bizarre laughter) had to come see what on earth had happened.

And as for the OP, I can sympathize - I've had 2 co-workers in the past half a decade or so who were so bad in the personal hygiene department that management had to intervene - one manager kept a can of air freshener in her office, because she didn't do subtle.

[Waverly]

Who said anything about setting a policy? The number of people who show up to work emitting an eye-watering reek is small enough that I think it can be dealt with on a case-by-case basis. If the guy in the OP could show medical proof that there's nothing he can do about his odor, should he still be shown the door? Seems a little harsh on the stinky guy, is all. Would you be happy to have your tax dollars go to supporting this guy, because his incurable stank renders him unfit for employment?You don’t set a policy or a rule based on the exceptions. It’s a statement of the logic as I see it, not a suggestion that the employer needs an actual stinky guy clause in the employee handbook. Sure it can be case by case, but you seem to agree he should be approached. The employer does have an interest in offering the rest of the office a comfortable working environment. Depending upon what was causing the stench and what could be done about, yeah, walking papers might be necessary.Somewhat similar, but the crucial difference is that, if the fat guy wants to travel by airplane without discomforting other people, he can always buy a second seat. If this guy can't help how he smells, there's really nothing he can do to limit how it affects other people, short of boarding up his front door and never leaving the house again. Which, again, seems a liitle harsh.What condition do you have in mind that is incurable, untreatable, unmaskable, and cannot be mitigated in any way? I admit there might be some, but really, that would be a zebra, wouldn’t it?

[fisha]

Many moons ago, there was a coworker who was pungent. He had a girlfriend who worked there, too.

I think he was the showering every morning, deoderant, etc kind of guy, but by 1200PM after physical labor for 4-5 hours, this guy was just rank. Like across the room rank.

I like the smell of honest, fresh manly sweat, I really do. But he smelled like the undead's ass.

Absolutely horrid.

[phouka]

One of the nice things about being a teacher is that you actually have the authority in some circumstances to give The Speech.

I had a student who, by all other measures, was a sweet and pleasant fellow. Unfortunately, after about the second month of school, he stank. He stank on ice. Nasty old laundry smell, BO smell, and foot smell. A couple of students mentioned it to me. I waited to make sure that it really was him and it wasn't a one-time thing, and then I asked him to stay after class.

"This is in no way meant to embarrass you, Student Boy. However, I've noticed the past couple of days that you've had an extremely strong, unpleasant body odor noticeable from several feet away. Please make a point of showering each day and wearing fresh clothes."

Poor sweet student boy was mortified, but he never stank again.

Grossbottom, have you considered sending a delegation? Three people should do it. Enough that he can't dismiss it, but not so many that he feels brutally ganged up on.

[Monty]

you are married. You go home to your wife, and she doesn’t say anything?

About ten years ago, while serving aboard an aircraft carrier, I had the misfortune to be the Zone Guide for a Zone Inspection one Thursday at sea. Usually, ZG is a welcome relief from the day-to-day routine and, again usually, my department got top scores on the ZI. I also planned the inspection route so I could finish the report in my division's berthing compartment and then run it up two decks to the Quality Assurance Dept.

One day, the Inspector was a Department Head (a LCDR) from one of the squadrons on board at the time. My department was receiving all top marks until we got to the berthing. The LCDR said, "I really want to give you a good score, but I can't identify that horrible smell. Where is it coming from?"

I had no idea and neither did he, so he said, "Turn on all the white lights and get the night crew out of their racks. We need to find out what it is." I did so and it turned out that the stench was coming from the rack belonging to one of the day crew. The LCDR told me to write, "Zone Grade: Unsat. Reason: PN3 H's rack FUNKY!" When I wrote, "Reason: Rack in unsatisfactory/unhealthy condition," the LCDR took the report from me and said, "FUNKY is spelled f-u-n-k-y, Monty. Don't worry, I'm not upset with you but y'all need to fix this Sailor ASAP."

Odd thing is the sheets on that rack were clean the day before. It only took one night for H's body odor to funkify the entire 120-man berthing compartment. Our department head ordered that for the rest of the cruise, the man be observed showering by someone who outranked him. Yep, H was married, too. To a really good-looking woman who had no problems with BO of her own. Maybe she didn't have a sense of smell?

[TokyoBayer]

I had considered starting a tread about homeless people who smell bad enough to cause nausea but could never figure a way to write one without sounding like a jerk. I really feel sorry for homeless people. Most of them, in Japan at least, have some sort of mental problem, and I don't know anyone who would voluntarily trade places with them, so I feel bad about complaining about the stench.

However, they do stink worse than anything I could have imagined. It's unbelievable. I once found an empty seat on a train (depending on the line and time of day, there's less probability of that than winning the lottery). Happily, I sat down only to have a wave of the most foul smell hit and almost caused me to gag. There was a homeless sitting upwind next to this spot. I had to leave, my stomach couldn't take it. Just walking away wouldn't do it, the whole car stank. You could still smell him two cars away. Unbelievable.

If you have to work with that, I pity you.

[OneCentStamp]

I did so and it turned out that the stench was coming from the rack belonging to one of the day crew. The LCDR told me to write, "Zone Grade: Unsat. Reason: PN3 H's rack FUNKY!" When I wrote, "Reason: Rack in unsatisfactory/unhealthy condition," the LCDR took the report from me and said, "FUNKY is spelled f-u-n-k-y, Monty. Don't worry, I'm not upset with you but y'all need to fix this Sailor ASAP."Did you order a code red? :p

[Zsofia]

I had considered starting a tread about homeless people who smell bad enough to cause nausea but could never figure a way to write one without sounding like a jerk. I really feel sorry for homeless people. Most of them, in Japan at least, have some sort of mental problem, and I don't know anyone who would voluntarily trade places with them, so I feel bad about complaining about the stench.

However, they do stink worse than anything I could have imagined. It's unbelievable. I once found an empty seat on a train (depending on the line and time of day, there's less probability of that than winning the lottery). Happily, I sat down only to have a wave of the most foul smell hit and almost caused me to gag. There was a homeless sitting upwind next to this spot. I had to leave, my stomach couldn't take it. Just walking away wouldn't do it, the whole car stank. You could still smell him two cars away. Unbelievable.

If you have to work with that, I pity you.
Tell me about it. There are some people who come in the library who would gag a maggot, I swear. I'm sure some of them can't help it - one in particular has some sort of issue that makes one of his arms useless, which I'm sure is a contributing factor. But there are a ton of places you can go to take a shower in this town, I know. There are one or two people who remind me of Foul Ole Ron - their smell has a personality, and it lingers on far after their person has departed.

[Rhubarb]

[qoute=Monty]I did so and it turned out that the stench was coming from the rack belonging to one of the day crew. The LCDR told me to write, "Zone Grade: Unsat. Reason: PN3 H's rack FUNKY!" When I wrote, "Reason: Rack in unsatisfactory/unhealthy condition," the LCDR took the report from me and said, "FUNKY is spelled f-u-n-k-y, Monty. Don't worry, I'm not upset with you but y'all need to fix this Sailor ASAP."
Did you order a code red? :p[/QUOTE]
I served on a Destroyer in the late 70's. Whenever the ship was at sea fresh water for showers was always in short supply. A "Navy shower" consisted of exactly 30 seconds of water use. 10 seconds to get wet, turn it off and soap up, 10 seconds to rinse, and 10 seconds to just let yourself go and luxuriate in the moment. A full shower was called a "Hollywood", BTW.
During a WestPac tour, one of the Boiler Techs took it upon himself to conserve water by simply not showering or changing clothes. Along about day 6 of this self-imposed hygiene moratorium his fellow BT's obtained permission fom the Chief Engineer to forcibly give him a Hollywood shower. They didn't feel that mere soap had quite enough oomph for the situation, so they substituted scouring powder and steel wool. He positively glowed with cleanliness after that. Or skin abrasions, whatever.

[Hung Mung]

I served on a Destroyer in the late 70's. Whenever the ship was at sea fresh water for showers was always in short supply. A "Navy shower" consisted of exactly 30 seconds of water use. 10 seconds to get wet, turn it off and soap up, 10 seconds to rinse, and 10 seconds to just let yourself go and luxuriate in the moment. A full shower was called a "Hollywood", BTW.
During a WestPac tour, one of the Boiler Techs took it upon himself to conserve water by simply not showering or changing clothes. Along about day 6 of this self-imposed hygiene moratorium his fellow BT's obtained permission fom the Chief Engineer to forcibly give him a Hollywood shower. They didn't feel that mere soap had quite enough oomph for the situation, so they substituted scouring powder and steel wool. He positively glowed with cleanliness after that. Or skin abrasions, whatever.
That was a pretty amusing anecdote up until the steel wool thing. I've never showered with it so I don't know how bad it is, but that sounds kinda mean. Bad-frat-house-hazing mean.
I've never been in the military and probably lack the proper perspective, but that seems, for lack of a better word, harsh.

[jsgoddess]

While I doubt that the OP's coworker has the particular condition (since I think it's really rare) there is some awful condition that makes people smell of rotting fish.

[matt_mcl]

I had considered starting a tread about homeless people who smell bad enough to cause nausea but could never figure a way to write one without sounding like a jerk. I really feel sorry for homeless people. Most of them, in Japan at least, have some sort of mental problem, and I don't know anyone who would voluntarily trade places with them, so I feel bad about complaining about the stench.

A local centre a large portion of whose clientele is homeless has a sign on its door (along with "no smoking/no drugs/no being an asshole to staff, etc.") that says "Be aware of your body odour. We have showers and clean clothes available. Staff may require you to shower before using our services."

Of course, they're serving people who have an excuse.

[Zsofia]

A local centre a large portion of whose clientele is homeless has a sign on its door (along with "no smoking/no drugs/no being an asshole to staff, etc.") that says "Be aware of your body odour. We have showers and clean clothes available. Staff may require you to shower before using our services."

Of course, they're serving people who have an excuse.
Excuse my ass. We live between three rivers. If I were so desperate as to spend my days in the public library rather than, I don't know, looking for work? My ass would not reek. Just my personal opinion.

[Baffle]

It's very likely he has no idea. Probably he eats a lot of pungent food. If you don't have the ability (read: the courage), for whatever reason, to tell him, the least you could do is give him an anonymous note. Naturally I don't suggest being the one to tell him if he's your supervisor (or in a position to get you fired) but seriously, be proactive here.

[Hippy Hollow]

Between the OP and "Sex Panther," this thread had me laughing like nobody's business.

We had a guy who ran afoul (pun intended) of the university's policies. He had to serve a sentence of stuffing envelopes for x hours. First day the guy was in the corner, virtually unnoticed. Second day - whoa! It was like he bathed in Ass Aftershave pour Hommes. Absolutely breathtaking - you would gag walking near this dude. One of the supervisors in my office was a man - everyone else was female - and he was assigned the responsibility of talking to the guy. He was totally embarrassed and disclosed that he was sleeping at his girlfriend's house, and the cat pissed on his clothes - which were next to the radiator. The guy was dismissed from his envelope stuffing duty. They basically signed off on his punishment if he just left.

I talked to a student in my fourth grade class with serious BO. He had been retained a grade or two and was 12 or so. He would wear a huge bomber jacket - in the spring in Houston - and he smelled like ass and honeybuns. I just told him that he was musty and brought him soap, deodorant, and marched him to the gym and had him shower at lunch. He actually smelled good afterwards, and became the cleanest smelling kid in the grade after that.

I would think there is probably something the guy can do to smell... less bad. Though I knew a guy who smelled like manure. No idea why. He was a nice kid, and he was made fun of a lot because of it. I also had a teacher who smelled the same way, just not as strong. Anyone know what causes that smell?

[Alice The Goon]

A very, very foul-smelling woman on the bus one time told me that she had a skin condition. I've asked one dermatologist I work for what the condition would be, and he didn't know, and I've never encountered it in my office. But that smell, like rotting flesh, was horrifying.

[TokyoBayer]

Tell me about it. There are some people who come in the library who would gag a maggot, I swear. I'm sure some of them can't help it - one in particular has some sort of issue that makes one of his arms useless, which I'm sure is a contributing factor. But there are a ton of places you can go to take a shower in this town, I know. There are one or two people who remind me of Foul Ole Ron - their smell has a personality, and it lingers on far after their person has departed.There isn't a lot of help for homeless people in Japan and some of the people have not changed clothes or showered foroever. I did not realize how much someone could reek.

[Jolly Roger]

About ten years ago, while serving aboard an aircraft carrier, I had the misfortune to be the Zone Guide for a Zone Inspection one Thursday at sea. Usually, ZG is a welcome relief from the day-to-day routine and, again usually, my department got top scores on the ZI. I also planned the inspection route so I could finish the report in my division's berthing compartment and then run it up two decks to the Quality Assurance Dept.

One day, the Inspector was a Department Head (a LCDR) from one of the squadrons on board at the time. My department was receiving all top marks until we got to the berthing. The LCDR said, "I really want to give you a good score, but I can't identify that horrible smell. Where is it coming from?"

I had no idea and neither did he, so he said, "Turn on all the white lights and get the night crew out of their racks. We need to find out what it is." I did so and it turned out that the stench was coming from the rack belonging to one of the day crew. The LCDR told me to write, "Zone Grade: Unsat. Reason: PN3 H's rack FUNKY!" When I wrote, "Reason: Rack in unsatisfactory/unhealthy condition," the LCDR took the report from me and said, "FUNKY is spelled f-u-n-k-y, Monty. Don't worry, I'm not upset with you but y'all need to fix this Sailor ASAP."

Odd thing is the sheets on that rack were clean the day before. It only took one night for H's body odor to funkify the entire 120-man berthing compartment. Our department head ordered that for the rest of the cruise, the man be observed showering by someone who outranked him. Yep, H was married, too. To a really good-looking woman who had no problems with BO of her own. Maybe she didn't have a sense of smell?

Yeah, I knew a guy that smelled like the shitstains from Satan's boxers at Fort Campbell. His roommate was always looking for another place to sleep because as he put it, every day this guy emits a different odor and its never a good odor. For some reason this guy hated bathing. Gawd, he smelled awful. Our platoon sergeant kicked him out of the office once telling him to go home and shower he smelled so bad. The squad leader told him to his face he smelled like a turd. Nothing fazed him. He was buttnugget stupid too, so I guess he thought we were all just kidding. The worst part is he was such a stereotypical Mississipi hillbilly type of guy he was almost a caricature. I'm surprised the people from MS didn't pay to have him claim residence from another state. The BO alone would warrant it.

But as bad as he was, nothing can beat the Cosmic-Level Dead Ass Stench of "Mr. Evil". (Not his real name, but it sounded like "evil" so I used to call him that). I know its kind of a european thing not to bathe as much as Americans do, but this guy took the funk prize and ran with it. He worked in a small little building that magnified his hideous soul crushing odor. The first time I met him, the person I was with told me to prepare myself. There was no way you could prepare yourself for that smell. It was worse than being trapped in a sack with 10 skunks while John Goodman sits on your head and farts after a meal of cabbage. I think the stitching in my uniform came loose it was so bad. Children probably cry when this guy is within 10 feet. Seriously, I can't imagine that he didn't know he smelled like the carcass of a rotting buffalo. Is water that expensive in Europe? Christ on a stick, he had a job.

[Jolly Roger]

Did you order a code red? :p


Hahaha! I just got that reference! good one!

[Jolly Roger]

That was a pretty amusing anecdote up until the steel wool thing. I've never showered with it so I don't know how bad it is, but that sounds kinda mean. Bad-frat-house-hazing mean.
I've never been in the military and probably lack the proper perspective, but that seems, for lack of a better word, harsh.

Not really. If you look at my post about the smelly guy in my unit, we were forced to take action once. During a field exercise we had to live in a tent with this guy for several weeks. Showers were provided, but he just wouldn't take one. Until we kicked his ass. Yeah, it might seem mean for six guys to beat up one smelly moron, but his funk counted as another 2 guys so it was almost even.

[DrDeth]

It's very likely he has no idea. Probably he eats a lot of pungent food. If you don't have the ability (read: the courage), for whatever reason, to tell him, the least you could do is give him an anonymous note. Naturally I don't suggest being the one to tell him if he's your supervisor (or in a position to get you fired) but seriously, be proactive here.

Right- just leave him a nicely worded anon note. I have done this, and it helped.

[slaphead]

He stinks, and it's not Grossbottom's job or any of his co-workers to put up with his reek, medical condition or not. He needs to get it treated, or stay away until he can somehow control it.
Or have the ventilation upgraded in his office, or install some super-strong air filtration, or wear activated charcoal underwear, or buy Tiger Balm for all his colleagues, or whatever.
Even if the funk can't be eliminated, this is the 21st century, and there are reek-mitigation measures available.

[Argent Towers]

He doesn't happen to a fan of Phish, does he? Those guys always tend to smell bad. White guys with dreadlocks also always seem to smell terrible. I work at a restaurant right in the center of the "hip" area of town and there are always hipsters and hippies around who sometimes come into our restaurant.

The former, I like because they usually leave huge tips and are extremely friendly. The latter are also often friendly, and also often leave huge tips (maybe because I'm young, have longer hair and a beard, so they figure me for one of them - whereas in truth I'm actually a Midwestern lo-fi rocker guy and there is a big difference, namely that I listen to music that doesn't suck, and there aren't frat guys mixed in with the hippies at the shows that I go to.)

Most of these so-called hippies are really just Joe College frat-types who happen to smoke weed and listen to Phish in addition to going to frat parties, and the dreads and whatnot seem to be just an affectation. But some of them are the real deal. These are the guys that ride in on vintage road bikes with ram's-horn handlebars, wear wool caps and shirts with eco-related stuff on them, talk about local record stores, and ask if the lamb that we serve is free-range or not. I like these guys - but they often smell horrible. Like, a strong B-O smell that you smell as soon as they walk through the door, and which lingers even after they leave. What the fuck? You can be environmentally conscious and in touch with the universe and in a cosmic groove or whatever the fuck, and still take showers. Jesus Christ! What universe are these guys living in? Do they not realize how bad they smell? Do they know, and not care? If it's the latter, then they're being assholes.

[SomeUserName]

That was a great OP!

We have a lady in our office that reaks pretty bad. I am sure it is a lack of personal hygene. My co-workers and I do our best to avoid her.

If the inside of her van is even a hint of what the inside of her house looks like we are convinced she is just a lazy slob.

About once a month she parks right next to the smoking area and you can see into her van. There is garbage all over it. And I am not talking about an empty McDonalds bag or two or a couple empty pop cans. I mean layers of garbage and food.

It looks like she and her children just throw anything they happen to be eating on the floor or the seats of the van. We have seen half eaten soft pretzels, grilled cheese sandwiches, large chip bags with chips spilling out. None of this is cleaned, ever. It just gets stepped on and smashed down for the next layer to be created. We witnessed what looked like a half eaten slice of Kraft cheese stuck to the back of the drivers seat for months. It must have finally dried enough to fall and become part of the layers of filth.

She also seems to have a craving for BBQ pork rinds but she never actually eats them. As of the last count there were five unopened bags laying in various places. I am sure they will be eventually stomped on and ground into their own pork rind layer.

I can't even imagine what it smells like in there after a hot day sitting in the parking lot with all the windows rolled up.

Her old car was just as bad. The garbage and food had created layers that filled up the back floor board all the way to the seats. The seats themselves were also covered with caked on food and one of the back windows was smeared with what looked like mustard. It remained that way for months and months with out a cleaning. I guess her kid decided he wanted to fingerpaint with the mustard from his half eaten hotdog and decided the window would be a good place. We were not even sure how she drove that car as the garbage had collected around the gas and brake pedal.

She has only owned the van for a little over a year and we have watched it slowly degrade. It is sort of like the freak show at a carnival. You know what to expect and it is kind of sickening but you just can't help looking.

[Hung Mung]

Not really. If you look at my post about the smelly guy in my unit, we were forced to take action once. During a field exercise we had to live in a tent with this guy for several weeks. Showers were provided, but he just wouldn't take one. Until we kicked his ass. Yeah, it might seem mean for six guys to beat up one smelly moron, but his funk counted as another 2 guys so it was almost even.
Heh. Fair enough.

[Heloise]

[/quote]I know its kind of a european thing not to bathe as much as Americans do, but this guy took the funk prize and ran with it.[/QUOTE]

Actually, most Europeans that I know are hygienic and shower regularly. This guy is not part of the norm. Funky people are everywhere.

[Daithi Lacha]

Many moons ago, there was a coworker who was pungent. He had a girlfriend who worked there, too.

I think he was the showering every morning, deodorant, etc kind of guy, but by 1200PM after physical labor for 4-5 hours, this guy was just rank. Like across the room rank.

Same time of moons ago, I worked in a garden center/tree nursery. Our manager had the same problem -- he'd shower before he came to work, hit himself with hose-water whenever he was able, and when he went home, he'd immediately go into the shower before he even greeted his wife. Nothing helped. Nice guy, too. Very aware of what the problem was, but sweet FA he could do about it. Even with strong deodorants, he'd smell, and the effect was like gift-wrapped BO. I recently read a report showing that botox injections in the underarm area might help. I wonder has he heard the same thing, and his life has assumed some normalcy?

[Maus Magill]

A couple of years ago, when I was a stage manager, I had a hippie-chick actress. She was a very nice girl, but she did not believe in deodorant or antiperspirant. She would give you the shirt off her back, not that you'd want it. She had a funk you could taste. Seriously, you could taste the funk around her. If you opened your mouth in her presence, the funk would climb into you mouth and do the nasty dance on your tongue. It wasn't George Clinton funk either; she had nasty landfill in the summer sun funk.

Being the stage manager, it was my job to talk to her. I wracked my brain trying to come up with a nice way to tell her that she stank. I finally sat her down and told her that she was going to have to use an antiperspirant whenever she was in costume, seeing as how we wanted to use the costume again, and the scent from her underarm sweat glands made that prospect rather unpalatable. She was rather embarrassed; I don’t think she had any clue she had the funk. I understand, it's hard to smell yourself. Anyhow, she started using antiperspirant.

[Nancarrow]

While I doubt that the OP's coworker has the particular condition (since I think it's really rare) there is some awful condition that makes people smell of rotting fish.

As soon as I saw this thread I was ready to post about the condition that I think jsgoddess is talking about. It's trimethylaminuria - a genetic disorder in breaking down trimethylamine (TMA). The people with it simply can't break that compound down, while the rest of us can, so it ends up in their sweat, and it's got a strong fishy odor. It's incurable of course, but there are apparently some dietary restrictions that might help... the wikipedia article says keep off the choline-containing foods, and maybe eat some charcoal (hmm... :dubious: ).

Of course, it's pretty rare, so it's much more likely this guy is just wearing dead rats in his pants, or engaging in some other easily changed behaviour. Definitely gotta confront him about it. Even if he *has* got TMAU he can at least get a professional to lay out his options.

Great OP!

[Jolly Roger]

I know its kind of a european thing not to bathe as much as Americans do, but this guy took the funk prize and ran with it.[/QUOTE]

Actually, most Europeans that I know are hygienic and shower regularly. This guy is not part of the norm. Funky people are everywhere.[/QUOTE]


Well, you need to come meet some of the folks I do then. Students that come here for NATO courses stay in the lodge at no cost to themselves and still manage to not shower regularly. These aren't just nobodies, either, they're mostly officers. Last July I actually had to leave a classroom in the middle of repairing the printer because of the funk. Not everyday guy sweat funk either, but brutally-awful-make-you-cry-funk. For Gawd's sake the water ain't costin' them a dime in the lodge. They could take 9 showers and it wouldn't matter.

I'm not making fun of europeans, i'm just saying that it seems that daily showers aren't as...well, emphasized, to them. They must be used to the funk of others around them, too, becuase only the americans and canadians seem to notice the funk.

but who knows...maybe we smell funny to them?

[Lightray]

... the wikipedia article says keep off the choline-containing foods, and maybe eat some charcoal (hmm... :dubious: ).
I used to work with someone who used to take activated charcoal pills (http://pharmabook.net/en/organotropnye-sredstva/jeludo4no-kishe4nye-sredstva/antacidy-i-adsorbenty/activated-charcoal.html) for some unspecified illness or another. ("processes of rot and ferment in the gut" -- yikes!) He didn't particularly smell, is all I can say for its efficacy.

[yellowval]

This brings to mind two stories.

Last weekend I was visiting with my nephew who's a freshman in college. He's dealing with a roommate who never showers. The kid goes to class and everything, he just doesn't shower. My nephew said he doesn't think the kid even owns soap. Apparently the roommate's mom drove five hours to clean his room recently and my nephew heard her inquire as to the location of her son's toothbrush/toothpaste. The kid didn't know where they were. My nephew is trying to get a different roommate but it's difficult.

When I was in college I worked in housekeeping at a hotel near campus. Sometimes we had guests who were in town for business and stayed for a month or more. One such guest's room always fascinated me. Every time I went to clean his room, I noticed that the shower had not been used. He never used the bath mat or any of the towels. There were no used bars of soap on the edge of the tub and no bottles of shampoo or body wash. Yet every day the soap and shampoo that we provided was nowhere to be seen. He even took the little plastic bags that went inside the ice buckets. I always cleaned the tub and shower anyway, even though I didn't think it had been used. Then one day, one of the dresser drawers was left open a couple of inches, and I could see one of those plastic ice bucket bags sticking out. I peeked inside and there was a good month's worth of soap (wrappers still on), little shampoo bottles, and plastic ice bucket bags inside. I always wondered why, if he wasn't using these items to shower, he'd want to hoard them and take them home with him. I also wondered how he must have smelled to the poor people he was in town doing business with.

[slaphead]

Well, you need to come meet some of the folks I do then. Students that come here for NATO courses stay in the lodge at no cost to themselves and still manage to not shower regularly.
Heh. Students, eh? Same the world over, the dirty unwashed layabouts :D
In the interests of spreading prejudice and stereotypes, I'll hazard a guess that most of the real funkers come from southern or eastern europe.

[chowder]

:eek:

[Slypork]

I served on a Destroyer in the late 70's. Whenever the ship was at sea fresh water for showers was always in short supply. A "Navy shower" consisted of exactly 30 seconds of water use. 10 seconds to get wet, turn it off and soap up, 10 seconds to rinse, and 10 seconds to just let yourself go and luxuriate in the moment. A full shower was called a "Hollywood", BTW.
During a WestPac tour, one of the Boiler Techs took it upon himself to conserve water by simply not showering or changing clothes. Along about day 6 of this self-imposed hygiene moratorium his fellow BT's obtained permission fom the Chief Engineer to forcibly give him a Hollywood shower. They didn't feel that mere soap had quite enough oomph for the situation, so they substituted scouring powder and steel wool. He positively glowed with cleanliness after that. Or skin abrasions, whatever.We had a similar situation during basic training. Every day we’d be out there running, exercising, doing obstacle courses, etc and this one guy refused to shower. I don’t just mean he wouldn’t do it, I mean when we told him that he smelled like the inside of a skunks asshole he laughed and said tough shit. Our drill sergeant suggested that we convince him. We dragged him into the showers, poured liquid soap on him and used scrub brushes to clean him. We threw his uniforms in there too. We told him that if he didn’t shape up that we would do that to him every night till he either started cleaning himself or else his skin came off. He started showering and doing his laundry.

We have a couple consultants in the office from India, here on work visas. They appear to be clean but whatever they are eating just pours from their bodies. I know that if I eat a lot of garlic that the next day I can repel vampires in a 10 mile radius but these guys smell every freaking day. It’s worse when they eat at their desks because the smell travels the office and lingers. I understand there is a cultural and dietary difference and I don’t want to be considered racist (foodist?) but how can I tell these guys that their food smells like summer septic tank and it is making their bodies leave a vapor trail? Maybe my Big Mac smell like crap to them but I make a point of not eating anything noxious at my desk (I kept my corned beef and cabbage in the lunch room).

[cmkeller]

yellowval:

I always wondered why, if he wasn't using these items to shower, he'd want to hoard them and take them home with him.

To sell on the black market, perhaps?

[Trisha McMillan]

...reek-mitigation measures...

Just loving this phrase. :D

[Miss Purl McKnittington]

Actually, most Europeans that I know are hygienic and shower regularly. This guy is not part of the norm. Funky people are everywhere.
Yes, I hear Al Gore is going to tackle extreme body odor in his next documentary -- "Stankiness: Global Problem, Local Solutions".

(BTW, Heloise, your location is very sweet.)

[BrainGlutton]

I used to go to a dentist who (based on a sign on his door -- "Bad Breath Clinic") happens to specialize in treatment of bad breath, and who also happens to have bad breath, which makes being treated by him a worse than usual ordeal. I do not think he is unaware of this, nor do I question his expertise in his chosen subfield of dentistry. More likely, his case just happens to be one of the intractable cases. One can't always help how one smells.

[hotflungwok]

Ain't the internet grand? It just has everything. (http://youhavebo.com/)

My friend told me about an IT office he worked in during college. There were several Indian employees there and whatever they ate for lunch could knock a buzzard offa shit wagon. People in the open cube farm took to lighting scented candles at their desks during lunch. When asked about the candles by the Indian employees, one of the people apparently told them it was an American custom. They went back to India eventually, and my friend always wondered why kind of stories they told people about lunchtime in America.

[Ellen Cherry]

Similar to the eco-hippies who came into the restaurant stinky-- this summer I ran into (and then around) these two guys who'd come to our Antiques Roadshow event. They were sort of Goth/skater-punk looking guys (if such a combination is possible) and I think one had dredlocks.

Mother of God, they stunk. It wasn't fresh BO but deep, ingrained, lifelong skunky funk. Lord help me they just reeked of dirty asshole. Both of them. As a team.

Why was such a smell a way of life for them? I don't know. It was so bad, I wanted to ask. They sort of looked like a couple, though -- maybe likes attracted. Why would someone smell on purpose? Those of us with enquiring minds (and sensitive noses) would like to know.

[rhythmonly]

I used to be in the Navy, and also lived on a Carrier. We had a dirtbag in our Division too. He'd never shower, or even wear clean uniforms. Never cared about failing inspections, and was getting funky besides.

We were on a Wespac, and stopped off in the Phillipines. During our stay, my Division was expected to qualify some other departments in small arms. This meant carrying weapons, ammo, targets and other sundry items off of the boat, loading it all into vans, and driving out to the range.

The range was in the middle of the jungle.* It was your typical moist blazing hot environment. The dirtbag started to fully ripen under the blazing sun. By the time we were finished, he had to get a separate ride back to the boat. He smelled so bad that we threatened to wash him with wire brushes and dry cleaning solvent. He finally took a shower, then transferred to the Supply Department.

After that, he had it made. He got to wear coveralls!





*We had to post guards when the M-14's were not in use; the monkeys would try to steal them.

[Kricket]

Here is advice from Strongbad (http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail171.html)

[gotpasswords]

My first fleeting guess is that the OP's Mr. Stinky might be Indian. As erie774 said, their diet seems to play a part in their overall misama. And yes, while the overwhelming majority of them have personal hygiene standards equal to the most fastidious surgeon, there are some that just smell bad.

Another possibility is he's got a leaky colostomy bag. UGH!

As for getting the hint across, put a can of Right Guard in a box and ship it to him, or use the interoffice mail.

[DrDeth]

I used to work with someone who used to take activated charcoal pills (http://pharmabook.net/en/organotropnye-sredstva/jeludo4no-kishe4nye-sredstva/antacidy-i-adsorbenty/activated-charcoal.html) for some unspecified illness or another. ("processes of rot and ferment in the gut" -- yikes!) He didn't particularly smell, is all I can say for its efficacy.

Charcoal can be useful for smelly farts. It does make the user slightly constipated, however. Chorophyll is what you want for internal odor control. It definately controls feces odor, helps with breath odor, and is reputed to help with body odor.

[Queen Bruin]

But some of them are the real deal. These are the guys that ride in on vintage road bikes with ram's-horn handlebars, wear wool caps and shirts with eco-related stuff on them, talk about local record stores, and ask if the lamb that we serve is free-range or not. I like these guys - but they often smell horrible. Like, a strong B-O smell that you smell as soon as they walk through the door, and which lingers even after they leave. What the fuck? You can be environmentally conscious and in touch with the universe and in a cosmic groove or whatever the fuck, and still take showers. Jesus Christ! What universe are these guys living in? Do they not realize how bad they smell? Do they know, and not care? If it's the latter, then they're being assholes.
Ah I see you have observed the noble Earth Muffin in his natural habitat. Truly nice people, but they smell like shit, BO, patchouli and pot. Unfortunately the patchouli is extremely overdone and the pot just adds a musty overtone to the whole frightening bouquet.

I went to an elementary school in a far flung corner of SW Colorado (same place as all the earth muffins). There were many extremely poor folks living out there; one particular family evidently couldn't afford soap. Their two poor girls - obviously incredibly malnourished and developmentally delayed (the girl in my class masturbated publicly) could just level the whole place. The whole family came in one night for a play or something and I don't think the school auditorium was ever quite the same.

A few years later, I was actually relieved to hear that the girls had gone into foster care. I saw them once at a town parade and they looked so much better. I also couldn't smell them from 20 yards away anymore.

[Grossbottom]

We don't why he smells that way. There have been investigations. For awhile one of the guys here was sure it was these old boxes that had been dredged from some warehouse in some fucked up Alabama swamp and produced as part of discovery. They were being stored in his conference room. So to remove the variable we made room in storage elsewhere and we were like, "hey, good news you don't need to have moldy boxes up here." And so he was happy and moved the boxes and the stench continued and continued to follow him.

I don't think it's a vitamin deficiency, I've seen him eat greens. He probably doesn't keep the best diet but I'm guessing he's not got scruvy or anything. The worst part is he doesn't readily cooperate with testing. I got some altoids once and I was like, aha, now I can narrow another variable. So we're there and I'm like, "Altoid?" And he says no thank you. So I take one and eat it, and offer again and say "Are you sure? Because they're free." And he was like, no I'm fine, what are you trying to tell me something? And I just stared at him for second and didn't say anything, recalcitrant fuck that he is. He never did take one.

Pro-tip: Someone offers a mint, you take it.

So testing continues but he isn't very cooperative.

[Liberal]

My first fleeting guess is that the OP's Mr. Stinky might be Indian. As erie774 said, their diet seems to play a part in their overall misama. And yes, while the overwhelming majority of them have personal hygiene standards equal to the most fastidious surgeon, there are some that just smell bad.Fucking hell. Weren't smallpox infested blankets enough for you people? Jesus, cut us some slack. Maybe if you lived on a reservation with worthless land and open sewage, you'd stink too.

[Indistinguishable]

Fucking hell. Weren't smallpox infested blankets enough for you people? Jesus, cut us some slack. Maybe if you lived on a reservation with worthless land and open sewage, you'd stink too.
Actually, he's talking about the other kind of Indian (the referenced post #56 (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9089530&postcount=56) confirms this). Which makes it so much better...

[OneCentStamp]

Fucking hell. Weren't smallpox infested blankets enough for you people? Jesus, cut us some slack. Maybe if you lived on a reservation with worthless land and open sewage, you'd stink too.:p That's great.

[ivylass]

Well, regardless of the source, this is why they pay HR folks the big bucks...they get to deal with stuff like that.

If his odor is disruptive, ask HR to handle it.

[Waverly]

Fucking hell. Weren't smallpox infested blankets enough for you people? Jesus, cut us some slack. Maybe if you lived on a reservation with worthless land and open sewage, you'd stink too.No one is knocking on your cross just yet, Liberal Christ. This mildly offensive comment is obviously directed that the other kind of Indian.

[gazpacho]

Well, regardless of the source, this is why they pay HR folks the big bucks...they get to deal with stuff like that.

If his odor is disruptive, ask HR to handle it.Good luck with that. HR will probably note in your permanent record that you cannot get along with people and send you to a refresher sensitivity course.

[Zsofia]

Actually, he's talking about the other kind of Indian (the referenced post #56 (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9089530&postcount=56) confirms this). Which makes it so much better...
To be fair, Indians from India do tend to eat highly spiced food and then smell like it. The Indian ladies who used to come in to my old workplace smelled fabulous, like buffet night at the Delhi Palace, but I know some people find some strong smells offensive.

[Liberal]

Waiter, send Waverly a drink. Make it a double.

[SparrowHawk]

Charcoal can be useful for smelly farts. It does make the user slightly constipated, however. Chorophyll is what you want for internal odor control. It definately controls feces odor, helps with breath odor, and is reputed to help with body odor.Maybe a bottle of this stuff (http://www.bodymint.com/) would help. (Note: I am not affiliated with this company or its products.)

[Vinyl Turnip]

Charcoal can be useful for smelly farts. It does make the user slightly constipated, however.
Unpleasant, to be sure—but not as uncomfortable as inserting all those briquettes.

[SnakesCatLady]

Unpleasant, to be sure—but not as uncomfortable as inserting all those briquettes.

This made me laugh so much I scared the cats.

[MisterThyristor]

Here's one suggestion that I haven't seen anyone mention yet -- is it possible that the guy overdoses himself on raw garlic?

I ask because one of my coworkers used to eat raw garlic as some kind of health kick and you could smell him from across the room. It wasn't just his breath, the smell actually came out in his perspiration, every pore of his body reeked of the stuff. Now I love garlic, I eat it myself (but not raw), but this was ridiculous. It no longer smelled like the garlic that I know and love but a dead animal like my old dog once rolled in.

[Vinyl Turnip]

Hey, what if he's actually made of poo? A fecal golem? That really wouldn't be his fault, right? After all, someone else selected the raw material...

Come on, this is the SDMB—surely we can come up with more reasons why a man shouldn't be blamed for his own paralyzing malodor. Let's brainstorm!

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Come on, this is the SDMB—surely we can come up with more reasons why a man shouldn't be blamed for his own paralyzing malodor. Let's brainstorm!
Sounds more like a shitstorm to me.

[jellyblue]

Yes, I hear Al Gore is going to tackle extreme body odor in his next documentary -- "Stankiness: Global Problem, Local Solutions".



gawd, this thread is killing me in general, but this one just about did me in. I have a *cramp* from laughing.

[Sleeps With Butterflies]

Anyone that can work Hong Kong Phooey into a post is okay with me.

[Ritter]

A friend of mine bathes regularly but doesn't take long to start getting manky. I went on holiday with her recently and on the last day we both slept in and had to skip showers to get to the airport in time. An hour later we were sitting next to each other on the plane awaiting take-off, and I thought out loud and said, "Ooh, what's that fish smell?"

She bent her head down nearer her lap and said, "Oh God, I think it's my crotch."

[Jolly Roger]

A friend of mine bathes regularly but doesn't take long to start getting manky. I went on holiday with her recently and on the last day we both slept in and had to skip showers to get to the airport in time. An hour later we were sitting next to each other on the plane awaiting take-off, and I thought out loud and said, "Ooh, what's that fish smell?"

She bent her head down nearer her lap and said, "Oh God, I think it's my crotch."

EEEW. Your friend should see a doctor. I would if my genitals started producing a fish smell by missing one shower.

[Daithi Lacha]

Why was such a smell a way of life for them? I don't know. It was so bad, I wanted to ask. They sort of looked like a couple, though -- maybe likes attracted. Why would someone smell on purpose? Those of us with enquiring minds (and sensitive noses) would like to know.
In high school, one of my stoner friends eschewed bathing, just so he could acquire his own, special funk. Said it covered up the smell of pot on his clothes. Did it? Hell, no! Just made him smell of pot & BO.
Well, it's a reason, just not a very good one!

[ivylass]

Good luck with that. HR will probably note in your permanent record that you cannot get along with people and send you to a refresher sensitivity course.


:confused:

If the OP is not the only one complaining, HR can't claim it's due to one person's oversensitivity.

[Jackmannii]

Grossbottom and colleagues should buy this man a large economy-sized bottle of cheap cologne. That way, the entire office would smell like a WWII-era German submarine.

Here's one rare medical condition (http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=2287206&page=1) with heartbreaking BO consequences:

"Camille has beauty and brains.

She's a former model and a Phi Beta Kappa with a master's in education. There's a part of her, though, that's not so perfect.

She smells like spoiled fish."

[jtgain]

This reminds me of the Simpsons when Homer had to rent out his house to travelling European college students:

Homer: So, for 50 bucks a month, you are going to be eating MY food, using ALL of my water to wash you luxurious hair...

European: No. The water, eh, is, uh, not a problem..

[Harriet the Spry]

Well, regardless of the source, this is why they pay HR folks the big bucks...they get to deal with stuff like that.

No, actually. This is something management can and should deal with. If it turns out to have a medical or religious or racial/national origin component, HR gets paid to advise management on the relevant laws and how to work within them. In the vast majority of cases, one conversation where the manager tells the employee "there's a problem, and it needs to be fixed" is all it takes.

Why management lacks the stones to speak to this guy is beyond me. Is this a situation where this guy is a partner on equal footing with all the other partners? I guess that could complicate things, but they must have a way of getting rid of a partner who needs to be gone.

Anyway, whoever has authority over this guy's performance needs to bring it to his attention as a performance issue. This is why it's managment, not HR. HR doesn't fire people, management does. In the fairly unlikely case that it's medical/religious/cultural, there may be some legal limits on whether he could be fired if he can't resolve it, although he can be required to try, minimize impact on others, etc.

And the decent thing to do is to ask management to address this ASAP. Little games behind the guy's back are unkind and unlikely to help.

[appleciders]

Many moons ago, there was a coworker who was pungent. He had a girlfriend who worked there, too.

I think he was the showering every morning, deoderant, etc kind of guy, but by 1200PM after physical labor for 4-5 hours, this guy was just rank. Like across the room rank.

I like the smell of honest, fresh manly sweat, I really do. But he smelled like the undead's ass.

Absolutely horrid.

You know, after 4-5 hours of manual labor, you get to stink a little. It's a shame, but if the guy is doing everything he can, I think you cut him some slack.

[Guinastasia]

There isn't a lot of help for homeless people in Japan and some of the people have not changed clothes or showered foroever. I did not realize how much someone could reek.


Yeah, but at least the homeless-Japanese or not-have an excuse.

I'm an obsessive bather-(maybe it's the OCD). If I could get away with it, with the water bill and the time, I'd take two showers a day.

I can't imagine NOT bathing. Don't you feel all icky and grody? There's nothing like a good hot shower at the end of the day. I LOVE that squeaky clean feeling.

I HATE it when people stink. I even care a small stick of deo in my purse, at least when it's hot out. Medical conditions are one thing, but purposely not bathing, or letting garbage pile up in your car-like that one woman. Or not washing your clothes? Eeeeewwww.



(And Altoids are one of the tastiest items on the planet. In fact, I think I'll go pop one right now. They're incredibly addicting. My boss and I are always sharing the magic that is Altoids).

[fisha]

You know, after 4-5 hours of manual labor, you get to stink a little. It's a shame, but if the guy is doing everything he can, I think you cut him some slack.

As I posted I have no problem with run of the mill hard working sweat. And I am inured to hungover smelling manually working sweat, which has it's very own fragrance. I'm in construction, that's 95% of the guys right there.

I was just noting that some people have very pungent aromas, no matter what they do.

[eleanorigby]

Query: where does one acquire chlorophyll tablets? My sons don't always smell, but when they do--my god, as George Carlin says, "they can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon."



Health food store? Pharmacy? (they use antiperspirant--even the 9 year old)

[SparrowHawk]

Query: where does one acquire chlorophyll tablets? My sons don't always smell, but when they do--my god, as George Carlin says, "they can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon."



Health food store? Pharmacy? (they use antiperspirant--even the 9 year old)The BodyMint link I posted upthread (#77) has a list of retailers (http://www.bodymint.com/buy/retail.html) - mostly Whole Foods and Eckerd Drug Stores - and you can also order them online. Says they put them in the deodorant section, not with other supplements.

[eleanorigby]

Thanks!

[Heffalump and Roo]

And he was like, no I'm fine, what are you trying to tell me something? And I just stared at him for second and didn't say anything
Wasn't the answer to this YES!, not silence?

[DrDeth]

Query: where does one acquire chlorophyll tablets? My sons don't always smell, but when they do--my god, as George Carlin says, "they can knock a buzzard off a shit wagon."


Just about any Vitamin/health food store. Most Vitamin catalogs. I have two brands in front of me "Vitamin World Chlorophyll Concentrate" (works better, must be swallowed whole), and "Puritan's Pride product #4190 Chewable Chorophyll & mint " (cheaper and kinda tasty, but you'd have to chew several for body odor).

I found 3 pages of various pills on Amazon.com "Health and Personal care" The Chlorofresh is the one that worked best for me: 90ct $7.49.

[eleanorigby]

Thanks--I'll check my local GNC.

[Waverly]

Yeah, but at least the homeless-Japanese or not-have an excuse.

[segue]

I'm an obsessive bather-(maybe it's the OCD).Ok, so there was no seque, but damned if I didn't reread a couple times looking for one.

[Guinastasia]

Is it possible that he's bathing, but not using soap? Sometimes that'll do it. You can take all the showers you want, but if you're not actually washing yourself, what good will it do?

[vivalostwages]

How is it that some people cannot smell themselves? Just curious.

Since I've started working out at the workplace gym, I've come to realize just how rank and musty the guys can get. I don't mean that a gal couldn't reek, but I honestly don't notice a strong stench coming from the women even when they're sweaty.

What is it about the body chemistry?

[DrDeth]

How is it that some people cannot smell themselves? Just curious.

I know that smokers have a greatly reduced sense of smell.

[CanvasShoes]

This brings to mind two stories.

Last weekend I was visiting with my nephew who's a freshman in college. He's dealing with a roommate who never showers. The kid goes to class and everything, he just doesn't shower. My nephew said he doesn't think the kid even owns soap. Apparently the roommate's mom drove five hours to clean his room recently and my nephew heard her inquire as to the location of her son's toothbrush/toothpaste. The kid didn't know where they were. My nephew is trying to get a different roommate but it's difficult.

When I was in college I worked in housekeeping at a hotel near campus. Sometimes we had guests who were in town for business and stayed for a month or more. One such guest's room always fascinated me. Every time I went to clean his room, I noticed that the shower had not been used. He never used the bath mat or any of the towels. There were no used bars of soap on the edge of the tub and no bottles of shampoo or body wash. Yet every day the soap and shampoo that we provided was nowhere to be seen. He even took the little plastic bags that went inside the ice buckets. I always cleaned the tub and shower anyway, even though I didn't think it had been used. Then one day, one of the dresser drawers was left open a couple of inches, and I could see one of those plastic ice bucket bags sticking out. I peeked inside and there was a good month's worth of soap (wrappers still on), little shampoo bottles, and plastic ice bucket bags inside. I always wondered why, if he wasn't using these items to shower, he'd want to hoard them and take them home with him. I also wondered how he must have smelled to the poor people he was in town doing business with.When I go out of town on business, I collect the little bottles of soap and shampoo. I use my own conditioner and soap. When I've got a good sized bag of mini soaps and such, I donate them to the local homeless shelter. I learned the trick from a flight attendant friend of mine.

She said that a lot of her fellow attendants do the same thing.

Sorry I can't answer the rest of the mystery though. Maybe he was showering at the gym?

[Stoid]

If it's really that intense, I'd confront him directly about it. And if that threatened my job, I'd write an anonymous letter.

[Jolly Roger]

Heh. Students, eh? Same the world over, the dirty unwashed layabouts :D
In the interests of spreading prejudice and stereotypes, I'll hazard a guess that most of the real funkers come from southern or eastern europe.

I hate to admit that you'd be right. I don't like stereotypes, but I can't deny that.

I work with an italian guy that must drink five pots of coffee a day and smoke 2 packs of cigarettes while hes doing it. It gives him an aura of smokey-coffee grinds funk. On a hot summer day it can be pretty damned powerful. I think it melted my dogtags once.

[Monty]

Last weekend I was visiting with my nephew who's a freshman in college. He's dealing with a roommate who never showers.

One of my classmates in college had two room-mates who went well beyond (beneath?) your nephew's roomie. The two individuals in question didn't bother to bathe, nor did they bother to clean their flatware, dishes, or pots and pans. Odd thing, though, is that they did re-use the aforementioned funkified items. I think it's a miracle that anyone could survive that.

I recall the one and only time I visited my friend in that apartment. I think my nose wanted to sue my feet for walking into the place.

[slaphead]

Lord help me they just reeked of dirty asshole. Both of them. As a team.
The Smother Brothers?

[Zsofia]

How is it that some people cannot smell themselves? Just curious.

Since I've started working out at the workplace gym, I've come to realize just how rank and musty the guys can get. I don't mean that a gal couldn't reek, but I honestly don't notice a strong stench coming from the women even when they're sweaty.

What is it about the body chemistry?
Well, you don't smell things that you get used to. Like how people whose houses reek of cat don't smell it anymore. If what you get used to is "you", I'm sure you wouldn't smell a thing. I'm sure people who lived in smelly parts of history thought it normal as well.

[Lightray]

Since I've started working out at the workplace gym, I've come to realize just how rank and musty the guys can get. I don't mean that a gal couldn't reek, but I honestly don't notice a strong stench coming from the women even when they're sweaty.
I'd rather endure the stench of rank and musty guys at my gym, than that of all the women on weird diets with their silent-but-deadly effluvia, which they release in the mistaken thought that no-one will know it was them.

Oh, we know. Paint peeling from the walls, asthmatics needing resuscitation, and small children crying and running for their mommies -- all leading back to Ground Zero on the elliptical, who is busy trying to look innocent while fanning herself with her People magazine.

The rankness and mustiness from sweat, that I expect. Butt-bombs is well beyond the Pale, though.

[plnnr]

Like many here, I have my own tale to tell -

I live in Richmond, VA, which during the summer can be like living in a steam bath. The air will get so thick and heavy with humidity that it feels like being wrapped in wet wool. Just walking from your car to the office will get you wringing wet with sweat. The type of sweat that runs down between your shoulder blades and soaks through your shirt. The type of sweat that clings to you because there is so much moisture in the air that it has no chance to evaporate.

Imagine, then, the co-worker I had who liked to brag that she had the lowest water bill in the city. Brenda was an extremely overweight black woman who worked the phones at a former place of employment. As was the style at the time (god, I sound like Abe Simpson), she wore her hair in this intricate swirling, curled, highly coiffed style that must have been held in place with several pounds of pommade and several cans of hairspray. Being so intricate, it kept her from washing her hair regularly. Imagine a meringue of steel wool liberally sprinkled with talcum powder and coated in vaseline and you'll get the impression of this woman's dandruff encrusted noggin. Add to that the heat, humidity, and her reluctance to bathe and you have a olfactory disaster waiting to happen.

The miasma that followed the woman around was gut wrenching. Unwashed hair and hair products, oppresive sweat smell, topped off with some sort of cheap perfume that was cloyingly sweet. You could actually taste the odor if you happened to get trapped behind her. I once saw an elevator full of people get off rather than ride up with her.

To top it off, I once answered the telephone and it was a gentleman calling for Brenda. It was the Friday before a long holiday weekend and he had obviously gotten an early start from the slurring. When I told him she wasn't around, he said, "Well tell her that I'm home...we're going to get together and make us some love." The thought of her rolling around in the sweltering summer heat, all sweaty and ...dewy...made me want to poke my mind's eye out with a sharp stick.