It's time to start the Christmas Ranting fa la la la la la la! [Archive]

Jodi

11-19-2007, 09:40 AM

Yeah, they look cheap, but I assume for some people that's all they can afford. There's a market for them, right?

My early X-mas pittings:

The Barenaked Ladies Christmas CD, which I just bought, is terrible -- the boys are just phoning it in for most of it. I wish I had my 15 bucks back.

And I hate those Best Buy commercials that are All About The Presents, especially the one where the husband tells his wife "you can open that Best Buy package as soon as we get home from visiting Grandma!" so they just pull up in front of Grandma's house, where she's waiting on the porch, holler "Hi, Grandma!" and take off again to rush home and open presents. Yeah, that's the spirit of the season, right there.

Ooh, and seeing THespos's on preview: Shit-fire, why on earth were there Eleventy-bazillion people at the mall this weekend?? The season starts next weekend, okay? Before Thanksgiving, I should be able to pick up my saline solution at Target without parking in the next county and festively standing in line for 45 minutes. Don't you people have homes?

congodwarf

11-19-2007, 09:50 AM

It's time to enjoy Thanksgiving

Yesterday, my sister and I went to Wal-Mart. When we were leaving the checkout, the cashier said, "Have a happy holiday, when it gets here." I thought the way she said it was funny, like she was being forced to say it by management and she thought it was stupid to say almost a week early. Anway, my sister said, "wow, she must really love Christmas."

Me: :confused: Why?
Sister: Because she's already wishing us a happy holiday.
Me: Hey douchebag - she's talking about Thanksgiving.
Sister: :confused: Thanksgiving?
Me: Yeah, that holiday we're celebrating on Thursday. The one your kids keep asking about. Turkey. Cranberry sauce (from a can!), stuffing. Football. That holiday.
Sister: :smack: Oh yeah.
Me: fucking idiot. :D

My sister and I have a special relationship.

Shirley Ujest

11-19-2007, 09:51 AM

I am really torn between sleeping in on Black Friday or going out at 6am (I'm up anyways) and being amused by the entire jackals on a carcass mentality.

(There is a floor lamp at Joann's on sale that I do really want, but I just might buy it now with a 40% coupon and save myself the extra 10% hassle of it being 50% off on Friday.)

THespos

11-19-2007, 09:54 AM

Indeed. It's time to stay home and avoid retail outlets at all costs.

CostCo was fucking intolerable two weekends ago. Throngs of people standing around getting stupider as they clogged the aisles, wondering whether a 15-lb. box of chocolate truffles would make an appropriate gift for Aunt Gertrude.

I haven't been able to locate it on CostCo's website, but there's this thing I'll call "The Aberration" for lack of a better term. It's THREE pre-lit fake Christmas trees hooked up to a speaker. Press a button and the thing puts on a light show befitting Laser Floyd at the planetarium, while a band that sounds an awful lot like Evanescence thrashes out holiday tunes that will absolutely drive your neighbors batshit.

Somebody on my block is bound to get this. I've already decided that if and when that happens, I'm tying The Aberration to the bumper of my truck with a tow chain and dragging it down the street until friction turns it into a smoking lump of carbon.

SnakesCatLady

11-19-2007, 10:18 AM

One of the classic rock radio stations here has already gone to an "all Christmas music 24/7" format. I hate most Christmas music. I am not particuarly fond of Christmas (it makes me miss my mother) and now I get over two months of it instead of just one. Fuck the idiots who made this decison with a dried up Douglas fir.

Happily, I am working on Black Friday so I can't give in to the temptation to hit the maul.

Contrary

11-19-2007, 10:26 AM

I was at the mall yesterday, and really appreciated the signs Nordstrom had posted that basically said they would NOT decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving.

BaneSidhe

11-19-2007, 10:31 AM

Every year I grow more and more fonder of shopping via the Internet. This way I don't have to brave the teeming masses slogging through the aisles, carts loaded down with tons of shit, while all the time restraining my need to run several of them through with a sharpened candy cane.

Sunspace

11-19-2007, 10:32 AM

We had Thanksgiving on October 6th. There's nothing preventing the slide into madness here.

Yesterday I went downtown and was wondering why the subway was so crowded. Yep. Santa Claus Parade. I looked at it for ten minutes or so, then left early in an effort to avoid the crowds going home. No such luck.

*twitch*

Anne Neville

11-19-2007, 10:36 AM

I'm not a football fan, but I have to say- yay, Steelers game! Mr. Neville and I went shopping yesterday, and things weren't any worse than normal (might even have been less busy than normal), because there was a Steelers game. I don't like or understand football, but I'm starting to love the Steelers for playing and keeping the crowds away when I want to shop.

Every year I grow more and more fonder of shopping via the Internet.

The closer Hanukkah falls to Christmas, the more the presents I buy have a theme of "Things I Can Buy Online"...

TroubleAgain

11-19-2007, 10:36 AM

I have a choice between shopping on Black Friday, or going to see my little sister's cheerleading competition. I'd rather be beaten than either of those. :p

BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed

11-19-2007, 10:56 AM

Oh god, never again with the Black Friday shopping. Neither my gf nor I had ever been shopping on Black Friday, and we heard that outlets near her parents' place were opening at midnight. Hey, sez we, people won't show up until the sun actually comes out. Let's go get us some deals. 6 hours later, we saw the sun come out. And we still went back that weekend, when hey, guess what-- the same damn sales were going on in every store, yet didn't have the "far from the maddening" crowd stampeding around the area (only a lesser, "somewhat distand from the annoying" crowd). God, at least we didn't see anyone with wailing toddlers, though in the maelstrom, we probably wouldn't have noticed.

SkipMagic

11-19-2007, 10:59 AM

I was at the mall yesterday, and really appreciated the signs Nordstrom had posted that basically said they would NOT decorate for Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
Yeah, but the rest of Oak Park Mall...

Contrary

11-19-2007, 11:19 AM

Oh yes, absolute HELL. Which made Nordstrom refreshing, even on a Sunday.

Northern Piper

11-19-2007, 11:31 AM

So a green-and-white stocking is okay, then?Green and White stockings are always okay, as long as they're accessorised properly by the rest of the uniform (http://www.saskriders.com/).

:D

the Lady

11-19-2007, 01:56 PM

My early X-mas pittings:

The Barenaked Ladies Christmas CD, which I just bought, is terrible -- the boys are just phoning it in for most of it. I wish I had my 15 bucks back.

I agree that most of it sucks.
But I like the God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen with Sarah McLaughlan so much it makes the rest of the album worth it.
Even when that stupid elf song gets stuck in my head.

brownie55

11-19-2007, 02:09 PM

Clothahump

11-19-2007, 02:43 PM

It's past time, Christmas merchandise was on the shelves before Halloween.
Labor Day, in some cases. Complete with the music.... :eek:

emmaliminal

11-19-2007, 02:53 PM

...Complete with the music.... :eek:I do NOT go out shopping this time of year without earplugs. It's kind of shocking how irritable the Xmas earworms make me.

dangermom

11-19-2007, 02:54 PM

Ooh, and seeing THespos's on preview: Shit-fire, why on earth were there Eleventy-bazillion people at the mall this weekend?? The season starts next weekend, okay? Before Thanksgiving, I should be able to pick up my saline solution at Target without parking in the next county and festively standing in line for 45 minutes. Don't you people have homes?Well, personally, I was at Target buying presents so I wouldn't have to go shopping in December! I prefer to hibernate then and bake cookies and do really Christmassy stuff.

I've never gone shopping on Black Friday. We women refuse absolutely. Bizarrely, my dad and husband have started doing it in the last few years. They go buy hard drives and so on.

gigi

11-19-2007, 03:01 PM

One of the classic rock radio stations here has already gone to an "all Christmas music 24/7" format.in our town, it's the top 40 station that goes all Xmas, but thankfully (heh) they start the night of Thanksgiving.

I got my first Xmas gift a couple of weeks ago--a heated throw I had offhandedly mentioned to my Mom as a way to cut down on heating oil. A few days later one shows up on my doorstep! Yay Xmas elves.

Our Christmas stockings growing up were green factory-knitted, but our grandparents got our names woven into the tops. They also featured a furry Santa beard I loved to pet as a little girl. :)

Dung Beetle

11-19-2007, 03:40 PM

Eleven years ago, I started this moronic tradition of having the kids' pictures taken and framed every year for their grandmothers. That means that although I have discovered the joys of Internet shopping, I still have to take the children and brave the dangers of the mall, and in all these years, I still haven't gotten this expedition properly organized. So yesterday, I rolled out of bed and started trying to dress my little angels. The boy had dress pants, but the dress shirt I'd recently bought him was far too big. I made him try on nine other shirts, only to conclude that every garment he owns is too small and faded. Fine. We'll get to the mall early and buy him a shirt. Thank heavens the girl is dressed…no wait, she's gotten makeup all over her white shirt (coincidentally, she never wanted to wear it in the first place). So, she'll change! No, she can't, nothing else matches her nice skirt. Her chest is too big to wear my clothes. Grrr! Fine, wear the goth dress your grandmas hate.
Finally, I had to call Sears to reschedule, then drag arguing children through clothing stores until we all hated the world and everyone in it.

The pictures turned out really well.

neutron star

11-19-2007, 03:52 PM

Sophistry and Illusion

11-19-2007, 03:53 PM

There are two--count 'em, two--radio stations in my neck of Massachusetts devoted purely to Christmas music. So whenever I'm flipping through the stations trying to find music that doesn't suck ass, I am constantly stumbling across some awful rendition of some shitty Christmas song specially written by one of Torquemada's nastier cousins for the specific purpose of making people spout confessions like a fountain.

dangermom

11-19-2007, 04:00 PM

Yeah, one of the three decent radio stations in this city goes all-Christmas at Thanksgiving. I hate it. It's terrible Xmas music. And the CD player in my car is dead, so radio is all there is.

Eleanor of Aquitaine

11-19-2007, 04:14 PM

My early complaint for the year is that the crowding in stores and restaurants is starting already. Just going out for lunch will be an ordeal for the next six weeks. I don't know where all these people come from, and I don't know where they go back to after the season is over.

The Barenaked Ladies Christmas CD, which I just bought, is terrible -- the boys are just phoning it in for most of it. I wish I had my 15 bucks back. I bought that last Christmas, and rather liked several of the songs. And my husband is ridiculously entertained by the electric organ pieces. Did you get past the slow beginning of Jingle Bells? I kept skipping that one until I accidentally heard it all the way through.

Kalhoun

11-19-2007, 04:35 PM

Okay, my son is dating a girl with a coupla kids, so this is the first christmas in a while that we'll actually have keeblers around. Every toy I've seen so far is from China, and this morning's news said there's no guarantee toys made elsewhere are going to be safe either, so I'm hoppin' fuckin' mad about that.

Yes, we can still give books, movies, and art projects. But these kids are 8 and 4. I'd like to give some toys, too! Stupid rufie-soaked toys!

Drunky Smurf

11-19-2007, 04:37 PM

I've been getting crap from friends and family for having never taken down my christmas tree.

It's all my mom's fault though. She bought a fake 5' high tree to put in the corner of the hallway because it was just wasted space otherwise. And I liked it and over the years I have bought several more to put in empty places around the house. So last christmas after having taken down all the decorations, and even the ones on the tree itself, I decided to leave it up. I was planning on buying another fake tree to put right in that spot anyways so I thought I'd save myself some money and leave the christmas tree there.

So I guess I've been partially decorated since Dec. 26 2006.

I tried to find a site but couldn't so I may be misrembering here:

Also I've heard on the radio that some of the department stores around southern California are going to be open on Thanksgiving day with the big savings to get a leg up on the stores that don't start the savings until the day after.

Epimetheus

11-19-2007, 05:22 PM

We were out this weekend in Kansas going to the Dave and Busters, and for some reason the mall was busy as all hell. Turns out they were erecting a giant tree. A week before Thanksgiving.

GuanoLad

11-19-2007, 06:00 PM

If you hang one for the jolly fat man...
Is this a euphemism? Whatever floats your boat, you know...

Katriona

11-19-2007, 06:05 PM

Oh yes, absolute HELL. Which made Nordstrom refreshing, even on a Sunday.

Oh, bugger, and I wanted a Sephora run. Sigh...

Jackmannii

11-19-2007, 06:08 PM

There are two--count 'em, two--radio stations in my neck of Massachusetts devoted purely to Christmas music. There are at least six radio stations in western Pennsylvania that run nothing but polka music on Sunday mornings. You try driving across that part of the state on Sunday and stay sane.

It's the PENNSYLVANIA POLKA PARTY!! Yippity-Zee!!!

It's worse than Xmas music. Well, actually it isn't but it's bad enough.

Suse

11-19-2007, 06:25 PM

I would like it known for the record that I cannot stand and absolutely despise the Red and White Christmas stockings.
God, those things are UGLY and lack any personality, charm or heritage.

It just screams: Made in China and I Have No Depth. and I give up. and I am a TOOL! Verily, a jackpot of tooldom!

If you yes, you. hang one for the jolly fat man, you are a splinter and I smite you! ::::::::::::::::::::gives the evil eye:::::::::::::::::::

I was an admirer, Shirley, but you've driven me away with your elitist ranting. We own four of those stockings, two of which were purchased for my parents when I was little and which I felt lucky to get after they were gone and the family settled their estates, and they have great sentimental value for me.
We couldn't afford much, we didn't have much, and those were beautiful to me then and now.

People who can afford the time and materials can needlepoint/crochet/knit/sew/whatever their pretty-pretty stockings, but I'll take my tacky stockings and my mismatched tree and all their memories every time.

Suse

11-19-2007, 06:47 PM

I'm sorry, Shirley, your opinion of those stockings doesn't justify my tone. I apologize for being snippy, but I can't apologize for my Christmas stockings. ;)

I think I'm irritable because of hearing one too many recordings of Stevie Nicks mangling Silent Night.

Polycarp

11-19-2007, 08:10 PM

1. "The Christmas Season" has had a specific meaning for roughly a thousand years: it's the twelve-day period beginning at sundown on Christmas Eve (December 24) and ending at sundown on Twelfth Night (January 5). That a merchant may want to term his avaricious need to pimp merchandise for gift-giving beginning in early Fall, so that he can clear his shelves for the swimsuit season (which apparently begins on Washington's Birthday) does not justify redefining the term. Unless, perchance, you think that Christmas has nothing to do with religion whatsoever -- a conclusion seemingly justified by a lot of promotional nonsense, but erroneous.

2. Dear Zealous but Sadly Misinformed Fundamentalist: "Santa Claus" is about as pagan as a menorah. The jolly old fat man began his adult career as the (fairly gaunt) Bishop of Myra, a former city in what is now Turkey, and is noted for slapping Arius in the face at the Council of Nicaea, along with some more kindly deeds towards children. On retirement, he put on quite a lot of weight, moved north, and began an apostolate among the formerly-Asatru Polar Elves. His experiments with genetic manipulation, anticipating Br. Gregor Mendel of the Benedictine Order, resulted in the breeding of aviatory cervids, including introduction of a recessive gene for erythrorhynchiosity. It is a false rumour that he supports his charitable work by shilling for major manufacturers and retailers.

3. A Christmas Carol is a carol, i.e., a song of rejoicing, having to do with the event commemorated by Christmas. Songs referencing the facts that it snows in higher latitudes in the winter, that people enjoy spending holidays with family, or expressing feigned surprise regarding the fact that bells are likely silver, jingly, or mayhap tintinnabulatory, are not Christmas Carols.

4. The Dickens story, on the other hand, is. Because that's the title he gave it. Bah humbug!

j666

11-19-2007, 08:21 PM

I've finished my holiday shopping.
[ducks]

Really, I try to do all my gift buying while on vacation; there are more options then.

I used to love hectic Christmas shopping; but these days it seems my commercialism is being commercialized, and that is just too much for me.

People who can afford the time and materials can needlepoint/crochet/knit/sew/whatever their pretty-pretty stockings, but I'll take my tacky stockings and my mismatched tree and all their memories every time.

Mismatched trees and purchased stocking are two different things.

Any decent tree has ornaments that have progressed from the place of honor when they were new, through progressively less honored stations as they aged, and finally back to the place of honor as hierlooms.

But purchased stockings? No, stockings are made from the red or green Holiday dresses that have been handed down at least twice. If your stocking isn't made from the dress that originally belonged to your second cousin, once removed, well, then you must be....

wealthy!

It's like hunting; people used to do that to eat.

asterion

11-19-2007, 08:22 PM

I do NOT go out shopping this time of year without earplugs. It's kind of shocking how irritable the Xmas earworms make me.Gotta go with the iPod. It doesn't even have to be music--I get caught up on the podcasts I download and the audiobooks I get and whatnot. Actually, I've started doing that all the time.

And what is the OP's take on this? http://www.thecamoshop.com/recachst.html

Suse

11-19-2007, 09:49 PM

But purchased stockings? No, stockings are made from the red or green Holiday dresses that have been handed down at least twice. If your stocking isn't made from the dress that originally belonged to your second cousin, once removed, well, then you must be....

wealthy!

It's like hunting; people used to do that to eat.

Hey, cool, you had holiday dresses! And it's a good idea to make stockings from them.

We could one-up each other all day on who had more than the other, I suppose. But that's not the point of the thread, and it doesn't change my mind about the stockings any more than I expect my thoughts would change anyone else's mind.

supervenusfreak

11-19-2007, 10:06 PM

I live with someone who loves Christmas music. He could listen to it all year round. He did a little jig of glee when he found out that our local soft rock station is already playing it 24/7. He loves listening to it in the car when we travel together. I, most decidedly, do not.

...

We reached a truce several days later. He really is a very sweet man that way.

It's times like this that I am glad that I am not working retail hell again. I once worked as a warehouse receiver for a large chain. We would get pounded with Christmas items from August through October. There were times when I could not even stand hearing the word Christmas. I would start getting tension headaches. The noise, the craziness, the insipid music would all flash back.

[in John Astin's voice]But I'm much better now...[/end John Astin's voice]

Marlitharn

11-19-2007, 11:09 PM

And what is the OP's take on this? http://www.thecamoshop.com/recachst.html
It's camouflage. How will Santa be able to see it?

whiterabbit

11-20-2007, 07:15 AM

I love living 80 miles from any major chain stores, aside from the Albertson's in the next town south, which isn't as annoying because it's a grocery store anyway. The local radio station I listen to hasn't gone all-Christmas either. They are -- gasp! -- independent!

I have to nag my mom to send me my stocking. It was knitted for me when I was a baby, by (I think) a neighbor of my great-grandmother. It even has my name in it. It is mine.

Why yes, I am bragging, but I have managed to almost totally avoid Christmas nuttiness until this point. After Thanksgiving, it doesn't bother me. Before, it makes me homicidal. I can only take so much Christmas music, though, except for maybe Christmas Eve.

Liberal

11-20-2007, 07:36 AM

But that's not the point of the thread, and it doesn't change my mind about the stockings any more than I expect my thoughts would change anyone else's mind.I'm in your camp. My fondest memories are of times when we were dirt poor. I could probably one-up all of you. A stocking was something we only pretended to have. I'm talking rural Appalachia here — cooking on a wood stove and no indoor plumbing. But the love. Ah, there was so much love. :) [...embracing myself warmly...] It truly is a shame that people find indignity in poverty. I'd rather have a humble friend of humble means than a rich asshole treating me to drinks and trinkets any day.

Shirley Ujest

11-20-2007, 07:54 AM

I saw a great crime report in the newspaper last week. It concerned a local woman who had all of the Christmas decorations on her lawn wrecked and her lights torn down by a vandal. The perpetrator(s) left behind a note that read simply "It isn't even Thanksgiving yet."

We salute you, Vandals of Early Holiday Decorating.

I'm off to the store this AM to get my yaya's out on the pre-pre holiday shopping ( with coupons!), thus avoiding the entire mosh pit of surly moms and crabby dads.

THespos

11-20-2007, 08:11 AM

Wifey has announced, in much the same tone that she might use to say we're having chicken for dinner, that we will be decorating on Black Friday starting at 9AM. I'm not putting up a fight. It's infinitely better than the suggestion that we go to a retail establishment bigger than a kid's lemonade stand.

If anybody around the neighborhood has purchased The Aberration, it's not yet up on the front lawn. I'm casting a suspicious eye toward a neighbor I haven't yet formally met. I call him The Master of All Things Inflatable. Right now, he's got a giant inflatable turkey on his lawn, which recently replaced the giant inflatable pumpkin. I know he has giant inflatable Christmas decorations, too, which I expect to make their debut this Friday. But then I'm wondering what he's going to do when he gets bored a few weeks into it. I imagine he's already been to CostCo and wondered to what exponential heights he can raise the neighborhood level of Holiday Cheertm by installing The Aberration.

I must hasten to the plan!

BiblioCat

11-20-2007, 08:11 AM

I live with someone who loves Christmas music. He could listen to it all year round. He did a little jig of glee when he found out that our local soft rock station is already playing it 24/7. He loves listening to it in the car when we travel together. I, most decidedly, do not. I was in PA this weekend, and discovered that TWO of the local York/Harrisburg/Lancaster-area radio stations I had set in my car are already playing 24/7 Christmas music. One down here in Baltimore is already doing it, too.
I like Christmas music, too, but it's not even Thanksgiving, for crying out loud!

Suse

11-20-2007, 08:21 AM

To expand on my previous brief comment: I've had about all I can take of pop stars remaking beautiful Christmas carols into something that's 'hip' and 'cool'. Christmas carols are supposed to be traditional, dammit. If you want to make something up to the minute, go write your own song and leave the traditional carols alone.

And to the DJ that said forty people had called in asking to hear that dammed 'Christmas Shoes', there are plenty of stupid people in the world but do you have to indulge them?
(yes, I know there's a button to get rid of that channel. I use it often.)

THespos

11-20-2007, 08:33 AM

To expand on my previous brief comment: I've had about all I can take of pop stars remaking beautiful Christmas carols into something that's 'hip' and 'cool'. Christmas carols are supposed to be traditional, dammit. If you want to make something up to the minute, go write your own song and leave the traditional carols alone.

I used to believe this with all my heart. And then someone got me the Twisted Sister Christmas album as a gag gift. It's so awful, it's a thing of pristine beauty.

It makes me wonder whether A Very Speed Metal Christmas would sell enough on iTunes to cover production costs. What's Marty Friedman up to these days?

Sunspace

11-20-2007, 09:59 AM

I was in PA this weekend, and discovered that TWO of the local York/Harrisburg/Lancaster-area radio stations I had set in my car are already playing 24/7 Christmas music. One down here in Baltimore is already doing it, too.
I like Christmas music, too, but it's not even Thanksgiving, for crying out loud!And this is why the gods, or at least Tim Berners-Lee, created netradio. :)

dangermom

11-20-2007, 10:09 AM

To expand on my previous brief comment: I've had about all I can take of pop stars remaking beautiful Christmas carols into something that's 'hip' and 'cool'. Christmas carols are supposed to be traditional, dammit. If you want to make something up to the minute, go write your own song and leave the traditional carols alone.
On the whole, I completely and enthusiastically agree with you. I hate pop star carols.

Then I got Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong. She doesn't screw around with the carols too much (and there are some of her own), and they're wonderful. It turns out that I can even enjoy Bing Crosby carols if she sings them. I've always disliked those. And In the bleak midwinter is on it too.

Anyway, by all means burn all the popstar Christmas CDs. Except mine.

gigi

11-20-2007, 10:56 AM

Dung Beetle

11-20-2007, 01:31 PM

Wish I'd known! I think I threw away a ton of those cards just a few months ago.

Trunk

11-20-2007, 01:41 PM

dupe with a word fix.

Trunk

11-20-2007, 01:41 PM

I heard a commercial on the radio yesterday where some juice company was putting it's product into Xmas carols, like

"Deck the halls with cranberry cocktail, fa la la la la"

You get it.

Anyway, one of the ditties was a woman singing,

"Jingle Berry
Jingle Berry
Jingle down my throat."

Shit you not. I can't hear "Jingle Bells" now.

Duke of Rat

11-20-2007, 01:47 PM

Dear Santa

All I want for Christmas is for somebody to pull this stick out of my ass

gigi

11-20-2007, 01:56 PM

Then I got Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong. She doesn't screw around with the carols too much (and there are some of her own), and they're wonderful. It turns out that I can even enjoy Bing Crosby carols if she sings them. I've always disliked those. And In the bleak midwinter is on it too.I've been tempted by this since last year when I heard of it on the boards and on amazon. I just looked again and noticed "The First Noel/Mary Mary" which put me in mind of "Mary Mary why you buggin'?" which seemed an interesting counterpart to "The First Noel". :p

dangermom

11-20-2007, 02:34 PM

Hah! No, "Mary Mary" sounds like an old gospel carol (first verse below). That's the one that's most 'messed with' (the "First Noel" part is fairly modernized) but it's really great, one of my favorites on the CD--really shows off her voice. And I'm ridiculously picky about these things, so trust me, you should buy it! (Also anything by Loreena McKennitt.)

Mary Mary
Had a little baby
Hmmm yes, pretty little baby
Hmm hmm, welcome little baby
Glory be to the newborn King

TroubleAgain

11-20-2007, 02:48 PM

On the whole, I completely and enthusiastically agree with you. I hate pop star carols.

Then I got Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong. She doesn't screw around with the carols too much (and there are some of her own), and they're wonderful. It turns out that I can even enjoy Bing Crosby carols if she sings them. I've always disliked those. And In the bleak midwinter is on it too.

Anyway, by all means burn all the popstar Christmas CDs. Except mine.

Oooh, and the First Noel/Mary, Mary gives me chills (in a good way!)

j666

11-20-2007, 04:41 PM

1
2. Dear Zealous but Sadly Misinformed Fundamentalist: "Santa Claus" is about as pagan as a menorah. The jolly old fat man began his adult career as the (fairly gaunt) Bishop of Myra, a former city in what is now Turkey, and is noted for slapping Arius in the face at the Council of Nicaea, along with some more kindly deeds towards children. On retirement, he put on quite a lot of weight, moved north, and began an apostolate among the formerly-Asatru Polar Elves. His experiments with genetic manipulation, anticipating Br. Gregor Mendel of the Benedictine Order, resulted in the breeding of aviatory cervids, including introduction of a recessive gene for erythrorhynchiosity. It is a false rumour that he supports his charitable work by shilling for major manufacturers and retailers.

That's really funny. Thank you.

So, why does he keep stuffing candy in my socks?

Silver Tyger

11-20-2007, 06:54 PM

Now that it's halfway through November, I'm willing to deal with Christmas music.

But I went to the grocery store and they were out of Christmas Oreos. They didn't even have a space for them. They had Christmas Oreos at Halloween. Why don't they have them now? Holiday Oreos are the absolute best, just the perfect porportion of creme and cookie. This is unforgiveable.

mmm.... oreos....

Shirley Ujest

11-20-2007, 07:22 PM

Dear Santa

All I want for Christmas is for somebody to pull this stick out of my ass

Then you'll have Shit on a Stick!

Shirley Ujest

11-20-2007, 07:23 PM

That's really funny. Thank you.

So, why does he keep stuffing candy in my socks?

Cause he's got a foot fetish?

nashiitashii

11-20-2007, 07:35 PM

Shit. There used to be at least a couple of religious loosy Christmas cards available at Hallmark. I don't know if I'm sending out cards to everyone this year, and even if I am I have a bunch from years past. But I wanted to get a nice new one for my parents. I know they have some religious ones in the boxed section, but I may not need 20. Is it too much to ask that they have a modest selection of single cards about...the actual meaning of Christmas???

To Grandma, to my One True Love, to the Postal Worker, to my Niece-in-Law, from The Dog...shit. Could I get a nice religious scene and verse? Nah. :smack:

Meh. I hate overtly religious cards of any sort. However, I generally send out neutral "holiday cards" that just happen to have a pretty winter motif on the front and I write my own message on the blank area inside. I'm only half a step away from going to completely blank note cards for all occasions.

Went to IKEA today, and was enthused by the lack of "OMG, CHRISTMAS!!!!!!" that's been everywhere else. It made shopping in Old Time Pottery so much more painful afterward; half of their store is Christmas themed for the better half of the year, and at this time of year, there are not only tacky animatronic Christmas things on display that play their own music, but there's bad Christmas music on the overhead. Yikes!

thirdwarning

11-20-2007, 10:21 PM

I was going to start a thread on this, but I may as well put it here. Please, people who sing and record Christmas songs, learn the darn words! Don't assume you know them because you've heard them all your lives! And don't rewrite them to suit yourself, even if you do think it sounds more like modern. I really do think your audience can understand slightly unfamiliar phrases.

The wise men didn't "travel so far", darnit. And "little baby" doesn't rhyme with "I am a poor boy, too". In a song about seeing Jesus in the manger you could probably actually use some form of his name without a problem.

whiterabbit

11-21-2007, 07:55 AM

I don't do Christmas cards, and I'm not Christian, but I do sympathize gigi; there really ought to be some actual religious cards available for what is, after all, a religious holiday.

In fact, just about the only thing I even begin to agree with conservative/fundamentalist Christians about is the concern about overblown carefully secular commercialist modern American Christmas. It's way outta control.

j666

11-21-2007, 03:54 PM

there really ought to be some actual religious cards available for what is, after all, a religious holiday.

But Christmas really isn't a Christian holiday; it's a pagan holiday that the early church co-opted with some success, but now its basic nature is coming back.

And it was never a very important religious holiday, anyhow.

Jodi

11-21-2007, 06:52 PM

But Christmas really isn't a Christian holiday; it's a pagan holiday that the early church co-opted with some success, but now its basic nature is coming back.

That all depends on where you sit. I am a Christian and Christmas to me certainly is a Christian holiday, due to that whole "birth of Christ" thing. It has secular aspects and does not need to be celebrated in a religious way, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to argue that it is by definition "not a Christian holiday."

j666

11-21-2007, 07:52 PM

That all depends on where you sit. I am a Christian and Christmas to me certainly is a Christian holiday, due to that whole "birth of Christ" thing. It has secular aspects and does not need to be celebrated in a religious way, but I think you'd be hard-pressed to argue that it is by definition "not a Christian holiday."

Now, I am not trying to hijack this thread for a Paganism v. Christianity debate. A holiday noted mostly for middle european pagan symbolism that was adopted for a liturgical holiday of little importance until Dickens celebrated it for feasting and family and gifting is not, to my mind, a Christian Holiday.

It has Christian aspects and I support them, but Christians don't get full rights to it.

But I wish you happy holidays and freedom from 24/7 Holiday music.

Paul in Qatar

11-21-2007, 09:56 PM

I wonder if Saudi Arabia could market itself as a place to come to escape from Christmas. And presidential primaries.

Polycarp

11-21-2007, 10:10 PM

But Christmas really isn't a Christian holiday; it's a pagan holiday that the early church co-opted with some success, but now its basic nature is coming back.

And it was never a very important religious holiday, anyhow.

Actually, nearly everybody had some sort of Winter Solstice celebration. I completely concur that a lot of the secular holiday's trimmings are pagan in origin.

But the date for Christmas as Jesus's Birthday came about through a bit of weird mysticism relating to Jesus being incarnate for exactly 33 years, from Annunciation to Crucifixion, both of which were supposed to have fallen on March 25 (the actual event, not necesssarily the celebration). Nine months from March 25 falls nicely just after the Solstice, on December 25.

People mix up the fact that it's a church holiday of long standing with the big-deal secular celebration, which yes, is largely a 19th Century event in America -- don't forget that the Puritans did not believe in holidays or feasts, by and large.

Jodi

11-21-2007, 10:43 PM

Now, I am not trying to hijack this thread for a Paganism v. Christianity debate. A holiday noted mostly for middle european pagan symbolism that was adopted for a liturgical holiday of little importance until Dickens celebrated it for feasting and family and gifting is not, to my mind, a Christian Holiday.

That's really not for you to say, is it? My family celebrates the Feast of Advent leading up to Christmas. On Christmas Eve, we read the Nativity Story and attend midnight church services. It's that whole "birth of the Son of God" thing that makes it religious to us, regardless of whether it is an amalgam of pagan and Christian traditions, which it is, as is Easter. And as for Dickens instigating Christmas as a time for "feating and family and gifting," Christians have celebrated "the twelve days of Christmas" (the period from Christmas Eve to Epiphany) for just those purposes for more than a thousand years. I never asserted that "Christians get full rights to it," especially considering its many secular aspects, but to assert as a universal statement that Christmas "really isn't a Christian holiday" really needs an IYO rider. Parts of it are secular -- yule logs, gifts, rockin' around the Christmas tree -- but parts of it are religious, and whether the holiday as a whole is or is not religious depends on how it is celebrated, and with what intent. I'm not saying it has to be a Christian holiday to you; I'm just saying you don't really get to declare that it's not a Christian holiday for anyone other than you.

j666

11-22-2007, 06:58 AM

Jodi, can you explain what you are trying to argue with me about?

to assert as a universal statement that Christmas "really isn't a Christian holiday" really needs an IYO rider.

Parts of it are secular -- but parts of it are religious,...

I'm not saying it has to be a Christian holiday to you; I'm just saying you don't really get to declare that it's not a Christian holiday for anyone other than you.

[The] holiday ... is not, to my mind, a Christian Holiday.

It has Christian aspects and I support them, but Christians don't get full rights to it.

Christians adopted an existing celebration for a lesser religious holiday. The Jewish holiday at the same time of year increased in secular importance in response to the widespread celebration of Christmas. Both Christians and Jews celebrate powerful symbols of hope at the beginning of the most difficult time of year ; neither holiday is of primary [i]religious importance.

This is good and fine; cultures change. And change again; the pagan roots of the holiday were [b]never completely lost, and they are coming to the forefront again.

Remember, my response was to the attitude that the 'commercialization' of Christmas has resulted in not being able to buy religious holdiay cards with prepackaged sentiments [I hate greeting cards].

[It was directed to whiterabbit and gigi, who have shown no diagreement with it, and was not meant as an attack on Christmas, but as an assurance that the world is not going to hell in a hand basket].

One more thing:

Christians have celebrated "the twelve days of Christmas" (the period from Christmas Eve to Epiphany) for just those purposes for more than a thousand years.

"Saturnalia The ancient Roman seven-day festival of Saturn, which began on December 17."

"At his festival, the Saturnalia, held at first on Dec. 17 but later extended for several days thereafter, gifts were exchanged, schools and courts were closed, war was outlawed, and slaves and masters ate at the same table."

"Holly used to be employed by the early Christians at Rome to decorate churches and dwellings at Christmas; it had been previously used in the great festival of the Saturnlia, which occurred at the same season of the year. The pagan Romans used to send to their friends holly-sprigs, during the Saturnalia, with wishes for their health and well-being."

"The date of Christmas coincides closely with the winter solstice in the Northern hemisphere, a time of rejoicing among many ancient cultures."

I have to go cook a turkey.

Gala Matrix Fire

11-22-2007, 07:57 AM

I wonder if Saudi Arabia could market itself as a place to come to escape from Christmas. And presidential primaries.
Absolutely. The problem is that it's also the place to come to escape from alcohol, mingling with anyone of the opposite sex, mingling with anyone of the same sex in a sexual way, movies, and any religion you might be fond of unless it's Islam.

I remember a year or two ago the Saudi's announced a drive to promote tourism (almost typed terrorism by mistake, but I caught it). It didn't succeed much. Too many travelers who don't vacation to enjoy a more austere lifestyle.

gigi

11-22-2007, 08:21 PM

Remember, my response was to the attitude that the 'commercialization' of Christmas has resulted in not being able to buy religious holdiay cards with prepackaged sentiments [I hate greeting cards].

[It was directed to whiterabbit and gigi, who have shown no diagreement with it, and was not meant as an attack on Christmas, but as an assurance that the world is not going to hell in a hand basket]Sorry, that's just because I was away from the computer. Your premise is that a winter celebration was coopted into Christmas and is now being "taken back"? I can't agree there.

Not to belabor the point, but there are religious cards available in volume, just not loosy. It really surprised me that of the hundreds of cards available loose, there weren't say, five, or a few percentage points of them available for the "vanishing" proportion of people still celebrating the Christian feast day.

Shirley Ujest

11-23-2007, 12:27 AM

The new buzzword of the season seems to be DoorBuster sales.

Until it is copyrighted by some schmuck company.

Sunspace

11-23-2007, 06:54 AM

I wonder if Saudi Arabia could market itself as a place to come to escape from Christmas. And presidential primaries.Forget Saudi Arabia; it's still under the thumb of an Abrahamic religion. For real separation, you want a nice Pagan country, like Japan. :)

zenith

11-23-2007, 08:34 AM

whiterabbit

11-23-2007, 09:24 AM

But Christmas really isn't a Christian holiday; it's a pagan holiday that the early church co-opted with some success, but now its basic nature is coming back.

And it was never a very important religious holiday, anyhow.

Almost everybody has a holiday at that time of year. At least the Christians, if they did steal one, changed the name and such somewhere along the line. You'll note I used the phrase "carefully secular". As in God forbid we actually refer to a religion because that might be off-putting to people participating in our annual greed-fest.

I'm not saying you should ignore it if you're not Christian. But on some level, and for some people all levels, it is definitely religious. I don't know why people think others will be offended by this, unless they think it will cut into the profit margin.

j666

11-23-2007, 10:07 AM

It's fun and extravagant and full of determination and hope.

And you get to give lots and lots of gifts, and get weird stuff that gets returned, re-gifted, or put in that special closet for Things That Must Be Displayed For Certain Guests. [Or, in the case of my family, lots of minor practical items packaged in yards of tissue paper and brightly colored re-usable gift bags.]

But it's not Easter or Rosh Ha Shanah.

So, relax, enjoy the secular and your chosen religious aspects of it.

[BTW, I deliberately did not use the word 'steal' because I really do respect the religious aspects, and I meant not an important Christian religious holiday].

whiterabbit

11-23-2007, 11:53 AM

"Steal" might have been a harsh word to use, Pit or not.

It just irritates me that some people seem to think it's all about pretty trees (which I love!) and The Loot (which I admit to enjoying in reasonable quantities). There's more to it for a lot of people. I don't know why marketers seem to think that would offend.

I like it too!

Gala Matrix Fire

11-23-2007, 04:32 PM

It just irritates me that some people seem to think it's all about pretty trees (which I love!) and The Loot (which I admit to enjoying in reasonable quantities). There's more to it for a lot of people. I don't know why marketers seem to think that would offend.
It almost seems as if you are saying that you want marketers to assume you have a particular religious preference and to target their marketing towards that preference. Wouldn't you prefer that marketers stay out of your religious holiday?

It irritates you that to me it's all about pretty trees and loot? I think you care too much about what goes on inside my head.

whiterabbit

11-23-2007, 04:47 PM

I don't actually care much about what happens in your head.

I don't want marketers to assume everything around Christmas should be religious. I also don't think they should avoid it as much as they do. This argument started with my agreeing that gigi ought to be able to find a few religious Christmas cards, besides the pre-boxed sets.

I think our culture has gone a bit overboard with Christmas. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy it. I don't grasp the weeks and weeks of craziness, though, or the marketing insanity. I'll have you know I was working at Wal-Mart when word came down a couple of years ago that we weren't supposed to say "Merry Christmas," to anybody, lest we offend(?). I think that's been retracted, and frankly, it was largely ignored. I thought it was idiotic.

Just call me Scroogette, then.

Shirley Ujest

11-23-2007, 05:00 PM

Our neighbors are mostly assholes, anyway. They have no control over their kids and pets, drive too fast in a residential neighborhood, have more beer/booze bottles in than reading materials in each week's recycling. The list goes on and on.

How much is the Aberration? My neighbors deserve no less.

Merry Christmas to all, and a festive "Fuck You!" to my neighbors.

That's the Spirit!!

brewha

11-27-2007, 10:27 AM

They're piping christmas music into our office. My food from thanksgiving has barely settled.

Fuck.

It's times like this when I look at a sharp #2 pencil and wonder how much I'd miss my hearing.

Jodi

11-27-2007, 11:04 AM

Jodi, can you explain what you are trying to argue with me about?

I'm not trying to argue with you, I'm only pointing out that it's really not for you to say if Christmas is a religious holiday or not. You've bolded the "to my mind" rider in your later post, but of course that wasn't included in your earlier post which said "Christmas isn't really a Christian holiday," with not qualifiers. I appreciate you acknowledging that this is only your opinion, but you continue to argue for the correctness of your opinion -- and hey, go ahead, these sorts of discussions are interesting and fun. But that means that in turn I also can post to point out that I don't think your argument is persuasive.

But if Christmas are more palatable or more meaningful to you -- or to anyone else -- for being pagan or strictly secular, that's completely fine with me. I hope everyone enjoys the season. So may I interest you in some eggnog?

smiling bandit

11-27-2007, 11:09 AM

I would like it known for the record that I cannot stand and absolutely despise the Red and White Christmas stockings. Like these. Incase you live under a rock (http://www.centrinet.com/christmas/catclas.htm) I hate them all, equally and venomously.

God, those things are UGLY and lack any personality, charm or heritage.

Hey, my mom personally sewed ours together, you -

checks to see this is the Pit

- cock-sucking assbitch pile of putrescent dog shit!

...

...

...

( ;) on the insults)

jsgoddess

11-27-2007, 12:33 PM

I don't want marketers to assume everything around Christmas should be religious. I also don't think they should avoid it as much as they do. This argument started with my agreeing that gigi ought to be able to find a few religious Christmas cards, besides the pre-boxed sets.

Generally, when something isn't available, it's because there's not much of a market for it.

Businesses aren't "avoiding" the religious aspects of Christmas for any other reason than the bottom line.

cochrane

11-27-2007, 01:20 PM

I used to believe this with all my heart. And then someone got me the Twisted Sister Christmas album as a gag gift. It's so awful, it's a thing of pristine beauty.

It makes me wonder whether A Very Speed Metal Christmas would sell enough on iTunes to cover production costs. What's Marty Friedman up to these days?
I LOVE the Twisted Sister Christmas CD. At least they're having fun with it, such as playing "O Come All Ye Faithful" as a dead-on soundalike for "We're Not Gonna Take It." Even when they start "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" in a serious way, it's a spoof. I wish the same could be said for Billy Idol's Christmas album. He sings every song in a seriously traditional manner, and it's a piece of crap, IMO. It would have been better if he had put the same kind of spirit in it as "Yellin' at the Christmas Tree," an original song from his Devil's Playground CD.

Sophistry and Illusion

11-27-2007, 01:22 PM

I was in PA this weekend, and discovered that TWO of the local York/Harrisburg/Lancaster-area radio stations I had set in my car are already playing 24/7 Christmas music. One down here in Baltimore is already doing it, too.
I like Christmas music, too, but it's not even Thanksgiving, for crying out loud!
The evil is spreading here south of Boston. It's like the zombification of FM radio. First there was one all-Christmas station. Then two...then four...Soon, the FM dial will be filled with shambling, brain-devouring holiday cheer.

dangermom

11-27-2007, 01:41 PM

The local radio station has indeed changed over to Christmas music and it seems to be worse than ever this time. Whenever I hit that button (there are 3 buttons and I habitually hit each of them to find something good), it sends out a particularly awful rendition of a Bing Crosby carol, or Jingle Bell Rock, or whatever.

I love carols, but I'm really picky and I prefer the old religious ones. I wish my car CD player still worked. :( But now I have an mp3 player and I can listen to Sarah McLachlan sing, just not in the car.

aruvqan

11-27-2007, 01:41 PM

There are at least six radio stations in western Pennsylvania that run nothing but polka music on Sunday mornings. You try driving across that part of the state on Sunday and stay sane.

It's the PENNSYLVANIA POLKA PARTY!! Yippity-Zee!!!

It's worse than Xmas music. Well, actually it isn't but it's bad enough.
But you havent heard a polka until you hear Toledo Polkamotion covering Secret Agent Man ... :D

aruvqan

11-27-2007, 01:51 PM

I wonder if Saudi Arabia could market itself as a place to come to escape from Christmas. And presidential primaries.
I don't think you have enough spare rooms for all of us dopers who would flock there ... although I would love to come for a visit sometime. I even have 'modest' clothing=)

Khadaji

11-27-2007, 01:54 PM

I had to look for a station that had the all-christmas format. But my usual station has started to play a tune or two each hour.

aruvqan

11-27-2007, 02:00 PM

Absolutely. The problem is that it's also the place to come to escape from alcohol, mingling with anyone of the opposite sex, mingling with anyone of the same sex in a sexual way, movies, and any religion you might be fond of unless it's Islam.

I remember a year or two ago the Saudi's announced a drive to promote tourism (almost typed terrorism by mistake, but I caught it). It didn't succeed much. Too many travelers who don't vacation to enjoy a more austere lifestyle.
If you think observant muslims live austere lives have never guested with any. i spent a weekend with a saudi family in the US one spring break and granted there was no drinking, drugs or sex, the food was great, we talked, ate, played games [mainly chess and backgammon because those I happen to like] more food, coffee with cardamom, pastries, some good music and dancing and more eating.

Why are americans fixated on vacations full of alcohol and sex? has everybody forgotten how fun it can be to just hang out and talk with good food and coffee?

Jackmannii

11-27-2007, 02:25 PM

My fondest memories are of times when we were dirt poor. I could probably one-up all of you. A stocking was something we only pretended to have. I'm talking rural Appalachia here — cooking on a wood stove and no indoor plumbing. But the love.Growing up in Lithuania, my ancestors had it rough at holiday time. Why, they had to walk 20 miles to get to the nearest pogrom. :dubious:

Sophistry and Illusion

11-27-2007, 02:40 PM

But now I have an mp3 player and I can listen to Sarah McLachlan sing, just not in the car.
I tell you, one thing that sold us on our new car is that it has a jack for an auxiliary audio input. It's the little things...

Ghanima

11-27-2007, 02:52 PM

Why are americans fixated on vacations full of alcohol and sex?'Cause it's fun?

Just kidding. I do think people put way too much emphasis on Christmas. It's like the entire country goes all Chicken Little for an entire month. "The sky is falling! Christmas is coming!" People get all wound up about it.

The songs do get to me sometimes. I'll never forget sitting in a casino listening to what must have been called "A Very Hoochie Christmas" where the hoochie mama singing managed to make every single song sound the same with all her vocal strainings:

"Haaa-aaa-a-aaa-a-aah-aah-aaavvve-uh Yoo-oo-ooaahahaaha-ur Se-eeel-el-el-elf a Me-eh-eh-uh-rrrry Liiiiiittle-uh Kah-rih-ih-ih-ihs-ma-ah-ah-asssss-uh..."

It took her half a minute to get through each line of the song. I wanted to jab a fork in my eye.

Also Stevie Nicks, though I love her dearly, should have stopped singing about 5 years ago. Her voice is completely shot and she does murder that song. Sorry Stevie, but retire gracefully while you still can!

gigi

11-27-2007, 03:43 PM

The latest scourge upon Christmas? Kimberley Locke. I like her fine and her voice is pretty, but "Frosty the Snowman"? "Up On the House Top"? I wonder how she feels about singing such fluff in such a fluffy way.

Gala Matrix Fire

11-27-2007, 05:18 PM

If you think observant muslims live austere lives have never guested with any. i spent a weekend with a saudi family in the US one spring break and granted there was no drinking, drugs or sex, the food was great, we talked, ate, played games [mainly chess and backgammon because those I happen to like] more food, coffee with cardamom, pastries, some good music and dancing and more eating.

Why are americans fixated on vacations full of alcohol and sex? has everybody forgotten how fun it can be to just hang out and talk with good food and coffee?
I don't know if you're male or female, but if you had been in Saudi Arabia instead of in the US you would have spent your entire visit only seeing and interacting with the members of the family who are the same sex as you. Not my idea of a good time, though I like women well enough.

My vacations are usually sex and alcohol free, but a country without movies?! C'mon, how many dopers want that?

elelle

11-27-2007, 07:17 PM

Dear Zealous but Sadly Misinformed Fundamentalist: "Santa Claus" is about as pagan as a menorah. The jolly old fat man began his adult career as the (fairly gaunt) Bishop of Myra, a former city in what is now Turkey, and is noted for slapping Arius in the face at the Council of Nicaea, along with some more kindly deeds towards children. On retirement, he put on quite a lot of weight, moved north, and began an apostolate among the formerly-Asatru Polar Elves. His experiments with genetic manipulation, anticipating Br. Gregor Mendel of the Benedictine Order, resulted in the breeding of aviatory cervids, including introduction of a recessive gene for erythrorhynchiosity. It is a false rumour that he supports his charitable work by shilling for major manufacturers and retailers.

Uncle Polycarp, that is the best Santa Claus story ever!!!

Whattabout the coal? I'm wonderin' about the coal. If I have a cheap stocking like Aunt Shirley sez, is Santa gonna fill it with coal? And why does he have so much coal anyway in his sleigh on Christmas Eve? Are flying reindeer coal fueled? Or is it just leftover burnt bits from when Myra burned the Turkey? Maybe I should have listened better... the holidazes and confuses me.....

DKW

12-13-2007, 01:46 AM

1. The songs. All of them. ALL of them.
Sappy. Syrupy. Treacly. Glurgy. At times a belter's dream (Silent Night), freakishly behind the times (Sleigh Ride), just plain embarrassing (Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas), or more drawn out than the freakin' national anthem (I'll Be Home For Christmas). How about miserable (Last Christmas) or with an incredibly narrow focus (White Christmas)?

All of which would be at least tolearable if it wasn't EVERYWHERE ALL THE GODDAM TIME. Look...during the Clinton inauguration, if you wanted to avoid Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow, all you had to do was change to a different radio station and avoid the TV during certain hours. The constant, pounding droning of this sappy musing, everywhere you go, for a whole goddam month...seriously, am I really the first person to call this "torture"?

And of course, to top it off, the inevitable chickenshit beefs about how this store or that school only plays Christmas songs that don't explictily mention Jesus, or this singer did some teeny little revision, or there's too much "personalization", as if ANY of it made half a rat's ass worth of difference. Look, when you're drowning in sewage, does it really matter if part of it is a different color than usual?

(On a related note, what the freak is up with caroling, anyway? The expression "gilding the lily" mean anything to you guys?)

2. The traffic.
I don't mind the commercialization of Christmas, I mind the crap that goes with it, i.e. horrendous traffic (that lasts the entire goddam month, too). Hawaii traffic is dicey under the best of circumstances, but add in a month-long shopping craze and it can take 30 minutes to cover a stretch that'd take 10 in a less-insane time. The hell of it is, everywhere on the island is affected, even streets that aren't within twenty blocks of a designated overspending location. Even UH football can't claim that.

3. The exclusiveness
Let's face it, the anxious anticipation of what presents you're going to get and the joyous surprise when you finally find out is pretty much a childhood thing. I know what I want now, and there's no thrill whatsoever in adding randomness to the occasion. (Don't get me started on that "Secret Santa" nonsense.) That, plus all the trappings and the overall mood, clearly make this holidy season something you almost have to be young to appreciate, or at least a parent. Why does it have to be like this? Why can't grownups celebrate on their own terms and negotiate gifts that they know will be appreciated?

And what worthless know-nothing bottom-feeding goober decided that cash was an inappropriate present? And can I have a better excuse than "it doesn't have any thought"? Who came up with that brainstom, a BCS committee member? (Insert obligatory "Hey, if you don't want it, give it to me!" snark.)

4. The ignorance
Hey, guess what, it turns out Jesus almost certainly wasn't born in winter at all! And this whole holiday is just an offshoot of a pagan festival; the whole Christianity thing was just to avoid persecution! And Santa Claus, although historically much different from the jolly fat man with the presents, of course, actually is important to the holiday! Hey, you know the real reason for "Happy Holidays"? Because retailers don't want to leave out anyone celebrating Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Decemberween, or any of the other variants of the Big Winter Holiday Season! And ask any true Christian, and he or she will tell you that what Jesus accomplished in his life, what he represented, the kind of person he was (hint: He healed ostracized lepers, ministered to prostitutes and tax collectors, and denounced violence as a solution, among other things), and the vast, revolutionary impact he had on world history are far more important than the fact that the guy was born. Is there any discussion whatsoever on any of this (besides here, of course)? Is it ever going to be anything other than commercialism and the reason for the season and the latest hot new gift and this asinine "War on Christmas" crap and incredibly petty nitpicking about the 20 or so songs that get played ad nauseum?

Whew...okay, felt good to get all that out. All right, no more Christmas ranting from me, ever again. Seriously. (Winamp is a wonderful thing. :D )

Mama Tiger

12-13-2007, 10:35 AM

Worse than cheery Christmas music? Depressing, suicide-inducing Christmas music. I give you Exhibit A, Christmas in Fallujah (http://www.christmas-in-fallujah.com/), written by Billy Joel and performed by an unknown named Cass Dillon. Damn. Just damn. I heard that on a local indie radio station the other day, and I can only hope they don't play it anywhere NEAR a war zone.

I mean, I'm a big fan of Weird Al's "Christmas at Ground Zero," but that's meant as a JOKE! Billy Joel apparently wants the rest of our troops to just kill themselves and save the terrorists the trouble. As an example:

It's Christmas in Fallujah
And we ain't never coming home

Merry Christmas and a happy suicide to you, too!

matt_mcl

12-13-2007, 11:32 AM

1) The music. This year, I have made a point of warmly congratulating and thanking clerks at stores where the music is absent or inaudible. Being Pagan anyway, I only have a use for a few Christmas songs ("Adeste Fideles", "The 12 Days of Christmas", "Deck the Halls", and Jesse Winchester's cover of "Let's Make a Baby King") but Muzak seems to have no purpose other than irritating the hell out of everybody, especially the clerks, and making me hate songs I used to like (I used to like "Les anges dans nos campagnes" but Muzak has just about ruined it for me).

In my neighbourhood, they have placed, I shit you not, Muzak speakers on the lampposts along the main shopping street, which I walk along to get to the metro. It's bad enough on a usual basis, but during December it's intolerable.

2) The abominable decorations on our street. Last year was the Apotheosis of Inflatable, which mercifully seems to have died down this year -- for example, the ghastly people downstairs have moved away (and been replaced by other ghastly people) and taken their animatronic Rudolph-pulls-Santa-out-of-the-chimney-then-lowers-him-again-in-a-way-that-makes-it-look-like-Santa's-doing-something-obscene-to-him lawn ornament with them. There are also generally fewer illuminated reindeer skeletons, skating penguins in giant snow globes, and such. But the huge Nutcracker Prince inflatable portal over the door of the daycare centre down the street is still going strong. I wonder how long they had to go without disinfectant to afford that one.

ThatDuckIsEvil

12-13-2007, 11:45 AM

I know I'm going to get stomped on for this, but just have a little compassion for the passenger...

My hubby LOVES Christmas. He loves snow, and he especially loves TRAFFIC. The sicko. He will drive to the mall, and just get on in there with all the other cars on the road and add to the traffic jam. He won't shop, he'll just drive around. He cranks up the Christmas carols and will sit forever, he never gets impatient. He'll drive extra slow, enjoying the store decorations, the honking horns, the rude gestures. He hates to actually park and go in and shop, he'd rather drive around for centuries.

And there's me in the passenger seat, waving at everyone, mouthing "I'm SO sorry."

Ever get behind an asshat and wonder "What the hell, Stooge, you got nothin better to do than be in my way doing 1 mile an hour?" No. No, he doesn't. He LIVES for it. They do exist.