Lipstick marks on window- so awful?

[NightRabbit]

I went to a party of a good friend of mine on Saturday. It wasn't a large gathering, only about 8-9 people, all college friends, and we drank a bit and played some word games, until my friend, hostess, said she was tired and left to take a shower- this was around 1am. While she showered, those of us who were left sort of wound the party down, I did all the dishes, we cleaned up, and everyone got ready to leave. On a whim, because I thought it would be amusing, I wrote "redrum" on one of her windows in lipstick. We all left shortly thereafter and I forgot about it.

Today, I found out through another friend, that she discovered the redrum the next day and was very upset about it. She considered it vandalism and a huge symbol of disrespect of her apartment and that she scrubbed at it for 15 minutes and can't get it off the window, that she feels violated that someone rifled through her drawers to find lipstick, and that she never wants to host another party again.

Now, I feel horrible that she reacted so badly to it, but I can't imagine that I'd ever have such a reaction. To me, it was something silly and stupid, and I feel like she's making a big deal out of nothing- especially since we all cleaned up after ourselves and even washed two loads of dishes before we left. Of course I'm going to admit to it, apologize, and clean her window for her, but I can't help but roll my eyes over this reaction of hers. I don't know why this necessitates begging for forgiveness. Were someone to write something on a mirror or my window in lipstick, and I found it later, I'd probably be relatively amused, scrub it off, and inquire about it the next day. I definitely wouldn't feel violated, disrespected, or vandalized.

Please give me some perspective? Would this bother you?

[Sunspace]

Doesn't it depend on whatever "redrum" means? :)

[scr4]

...she feels violated that someone rifled through her drawers to find lipstick...
Well, did you? Or is she mistaken and you used your own (or someone else's) lipsticks?

[The Chao Goes Mu]

I find what you did to be juvenile. If one of my friend's did that I'd make him or her hustle their ass to my house to clean it up but I wouldn't flip out about it and I certainly wouldn't end my party hosting days.

But I would wonder why in the hell they thought it would be funny to fuck with my stuff. My friends and I will play silly and harmless practical jokes on each other but I wouldn't deface anyone's property.

[NightRabbit]

scr4, she doesn't wear lipstick or other makeup, so she has a large mainly-unused tube collecting dust in her left top drawer. I know this, and didn't rifle through anything, but I suppose I was the only one at the party who would know where it was and that she doesn't care about it, so if she didn't know it was me, she would assume that someone A) disregarded her makeup and B) looked through her stuff to find it.

[Freudian Slit]

I'm not sure I'd call it vandalism. It's just the type of thing that, at a party, it would never occur to me to do. I'd be pretty wary of doing it myself, too...it doesn't seem SO horrible. Just kind of rude/tacky. I'm not sure I know anyone who would do that either...

[beowulff]

LIpstick IS a pain in the ass to remove from glass, but her reaction seems a bit over-the-top.

And, for those who are too young to remember, here's "redrum": http://imdb.com/title/tt0081505/

[Lionne]

In my opinion, she's overreacting, but some people feel very strongly about their home and what happens to it. An apology and an offer to clean whatever residue is left is about as far as I'd go.

[ThirdCultureKid]

I find it a rather funny joke, but different people have vastly different conceptions of what constitutes violating personal space.

I'd bring flowers or something when you apologize. And for Og's sake, don't do this :rolleyes:

[WhyNot]

I'd be both annoyed and amused, and I'm a decent enough housekeeper to figure out how to clean the window in about 3 minutes*, so I don't think it's anything I'd end a friendship over. And never throw a party again? Come on. OTOH, maybe you're best off knowing who the humorless hysterics are.

ETA: But yeah, apologize, if you want to salvage the friendship. An honest, "I'm so sorry I caused you stress, it was meant to be amusing, and I now understand that it wasn't, at all."



*Formula 409, Simple Green, Orange oil or dishwashing detergent, in that order. Degreaser, basically.

[Kuboydal]

I think you should do it again, but be polite and bring your own lipstick.

"(blank) 'em if they can't take a joke."
-JR Dobbs

[muldoonthief]

She may also have been annoyed that none of you picked up on the hostess saying "I'm tired - I'm going to take a shower" at 1 AM was a hint that the party was over and everyone should get going.

[NightRabbit]

She may also have been annoyed that none of you picked up on the hostess saying "I'm tired - I'm going to take a shower" at 1 AM was a hint that the party was over and everyone should get going.

That *was* when we left, but we cleaned up first. I'm sure she'd rather we clean while she's in the shower than decamp immediately and leave the place a mess.

[shamrock227]

I wouldn't flip out about it and end my party hosting days but I might be just a bit pissed - lipstick is a bitch to get off of things. The moisturizers and waxes tend to make it just smear around instead of coming off the glass.

However, I do wear makeup and if you used one of my lipsticks for that stunt I would have you hunted down like the dog you are ;)

[Elret]

I agree with the others that she's overreacting with the vandalism and the no-more-parties, but admit I would be sad about the lipstick too. I very, very rarely wear makeup, but I do have some around for the odd time I feel like prettying up a bit. I don't buy fancy makeup, just the drug store kind, but even that (to me) is ridiculously expensive, and very difficult to find in a shade I like. If someone wrecked my one precious tube of $12.99 Bourbon Raisin or whatever the hell, I'd be kind of annoyed.

[Zebra]

Did you write it someplace where she would end up seeing it in a mirror?

Because that is the proper way to do it.

[Caricci]

I think it all depends on how old you are.

[muldoonthief]

That *was* when we left, but we cleaned up first. I'm sure she'd rather we clean while she's in the shower than decamp immediately and leave the place a mess.

Whoops, sorry, misread the OP. I'd say cleaning the hostess's apartment offsets the lipstick trick in the grand scheme of things.

[tremorviolet]

If it was a party I hosted with people I didn't know all that well, yeah, I'd be annoyed. First, because lipstick is expensive and writing on glass messes up the tip; second, because of the going through my things issue. (although I wouldn't have any problem removing it) Also, if I wasn't sure who left the message, the creepiness of the message would bother me.

You say she's a good friend, you need to fess up to it and explain that it was a joke. It'll bother her less if it was someone close to her than the idea of somebody she doesn't know well was digging through her drawers.

[Freudian Slit]

I did't read the detail about her not being able to get it off--that would be very obnoxious. Plus, I guess if she felt like she went to the effort of hosting an event and this is what happens...

On the plus side, you didn't lift 20 dollars from her change jar and try to pass it off as a joke. ;)

[DiosaBellissima]

Whoops, sorry, misread the OP. I'd say cleaning the hostess's apartment offsets the lipstick trick in the grand scheme of things.

Agreed completely. It was incredibly nice of you guys to clean everything up while she relaxed in the shower- as guests, that wasn't your obligation but it was a definite nice thing to do. For you guys to clean her apartment (after her party) and then for her to freak out about some lipstick on a mirror. . . yeah.

I would probably be a little irked if my friends used my makeup for something like that (you probably smooshed up the lipstick, right?), but I'd think it was hilarious. After I was done laughing, I'd (laughing still, but with a hint of sincerity) casually mention how someone owes me a new lipstick for Christmas. Actually, I'd only do that if it was one of my expensive lipsticks (Chanel, MAC, etc- $15-$25 a tube); if it was a $5 grocery store one, I'd just let it go and appreciate the joke.

And c'mon - while lipstick isn't the easiest thing to clean off of glass, it isn't like they took a Sharpie to it. Whenever I need to blot my lipstick and I'm in a hurry, I just kiss my bathroom mirror. It doesn't clean itself up later on, but give me 30 seconds, a towel, and some Windex and it'll be taken care of. While I understand her glass may be a little different or perhaps it was super cold so the stuff bonded differently, but there is no. way. in. hell she spent 15 minutes and still couldn't get it off- unless she was scrubbing with a Q tip and some spit.

Go shell out $2 for some makeup remover towels at the store (the wet kind), go over, scrub her window for the 10 seconds it'll take, and leave her the box for the future.

[Tikki]

If you'd made a smiley face or something cute then she may not have gotten so upset but redrum is sinister, especially if you happen to spot it in the middle of the night after all of your guests have left. (Or did they all actually leave? :eek: What was that little noise just now?) She probably didn't get the best night's sleep after that, which gave her ample time to get even more stressed out and cross that line into overreaction territory. She may calm down in a day or two or it may take longer.

What you did was dumb but you know that now. Go apologize to her. When come, bring pie. Humble for you and triple chocolate creme for her. If it takes a while for her to forgive you, try not to worry about it too much. This is one of those life lessons that will make you a stronger and better person down the line.

[SkeptiJess]

I think she overreacted a bit. I imagine it's especially galling to get etiquette tips from someone who would leave a party she was hosting to go take a shower, and leave her guests to clean up the party mess...

Still, it upset her, you know it upset her, and it was her lipstick and her window. I think you'd better go ahead and apologize. No need to grovel -- just give her a call and say, "I'm so sorry I pulled that stunt with the lipstick. I was trying to be funny and it fell flat. I hope you got it all cleaned up? If not, I'll come over and take care of it for you. And, of course, I will replace your lipstick as well."

[tdn]

OTOH, maybe you're best off knowing who the humorless hysterics are.
I don't know that I'd classify myself as humorless, and I rarely go into hysterics, but if someone did that to me I'd be really pissed. I wouldn't lose a friend over it, but I'd think twice about inviting that friend over again. It is disrespectful on a number of levels, as well as being really immature.

I don't blame her for her anger at all.

And while I'm at it, you damn kids can get the hell off of my lawn.

[HazelNutCoffee]

I'm going to agree with Diosa - I might be mildly annoyed depending on the type of lipstick, but other than that I'd find it rather amusing (albeit juvenile), assuming it's a close friend. (If a stranger did it I'd be creeped out.)

[DiosaBellissima]

And while I'm at it, you damn kids can get the hell off of my lawn.

We don't want to play on your lawn anyway, mister. You're no fun, so *sticks tongue out and runs off with her college co ed friends to have pillow fights and someone else's house *

[tdn]

We don't want to play on your lawn anyway, mister. You're no fun, so *sticks tongue out and runs off with her college co ed friends to have pillow fights and someone else's house *
Woah, wait -- coed pillow fights?

Honey, you can put lipstick on anything of mine that you want. Shall I make a list of suggestions?

[Lionne]

Lipstick is easy to take off with a razor blade swiped very carefully down the glass. My cousin and I used to do leave messages in lipstick and eyeliner, and I would use the razor to get the majority of it.

[Jodi]

In my opinion, she's overreacting, but some people feel very strongly about their home and what happens to it. An apology and an offer to clean whatever residue is left is about as far as I'd go.

Throw in a new tube of comparable lipstick and I agree.

[NightRabbit]

aughh, thank you, you guys! I'm always very sensitive to friends being angry about things I didn't mean. I really hope this doesn't cause a lasting effect. for the record, we're both 25. Bringing a box of makeup remover is a good idea; I think she only tried windex.

[Waverly]

Lipstick is easy to take off with a razor blade swiped very carefully down the glass. My cousin and I used to do leave messages in lipstick and eyeliner, and I would use the razor to get the majority of it.This apparently works well. My GF once found some lipstick on my collar and was damned intent on removing it with a razor blade.

[A.R. Cane]

I wanna' be reincarnated as DiosaBellissima's bathroom mirror!

[Santo Rugger]

Just give her back the $20, take her to a $20 lunch, and all will be forgiven.

[DiosaBellissima]

I wanna' be reincarnated as DiosaBellissima's bathroom mirror!

Will you clean yourself? Because if not, I'm going to kindly have to reject your offer.

[ThirdCultureKid]

This apparently works well. My GF once found some lipstick on my collar and was damned intent on removing it with a razor blade.

Um, I don't think it was the lipstick she was aiming for...

:D

[Hazle Weatherfield]

Ridiculous overreaction, in my opinion. I leave little lipstick messages for my husband on his bathroom mirror...never had a problem getting it off. Even using the more expensive stuff, with a light touch, it doesn't ruin the lipstick.

I was back home and Mom and I decided to stroll around downtown. We passed the office of one of my best High School buddies...a dentist now...and I took out my lipstick and wrote I Heart JXXX. He and his office personnel thought it was hilarious and he knew exactly who did it.

What is this super duper lipstick being used that is so amazing that it can't be easily cleaned off of a mirror? I'd be afraid to use it on my lips!

[DiosaBellissima]

What is this super duper lipstick being used that is so amazing that it can't be easily cleaned off of a mirror? I'd be afraid to use it on my lips!

The only thing I can think of is that super long wear stuff- but that doesn't look like lipstick, rather it's in a tube like lip gloss and you have to put a top coat of special clear stuff over it. Even then, that stuff comes off with a little oil, as well.

[Waverly]

Um, I don't think it was the lipstick she was aiming for...

:DSeriously? Have you ever seen that body lotion with glitter in it? Once you brush up against that stuff there is no getting it off. You’ll be living with if for the rest of the day at the very least, and may still find a stray sparkle in odd places for a week afterwards. Anyway, I think it’s too big a job for a single razorblade and seems to require a large kitchen knife. I was too nervous (and quick) to undergo the procedure, and the GF didn’t seem to be concentrating that well, but I think it works the same way.

[Audrey Levins]

Over-reaction, definitely.

I've had my entire car covered in whipped cream--it was my last day at the job and it was "traditional" to cover both the person and their car with dessert-related food--and THAT was a freakin' nightmare to remove. Greasy as all hell, and I couldn't just take it to a car-wash because I couldn't see out the windows well enough to drive.

Even so--even with my hair coated in caramel and chocolate and my car basically deep-fried--I tried to be a good sport about it.

Lipstick writing on a window?

Please.

I second the razor as the most efficient removal method.

As for what removed her sense of humor and perspective...one can only guess.

[zweisamkeit]

Major overreaction. Lipstick cleans off of mirrors and glass really easily, you just need Windex and some paper towel, sheesh. It won't cause any stains or lasting damage. AND HER GUESTS CLEANED UP AND DID THE DISHES.

I don't know what she was doing that she couldn't get lipstick off of a window after 15 minutes, unless she was trying to hand the paper towel to one of her hemorrhoids and have it do the work for her, sheesh.

[enigm4tic]

Wait a minute.
After her apartment was cleaned by ridiculously conscientious party guests, even doing the dishes, and cleaning up whatever was around (bottles, cups, cans, board games, dead hookers, whatever the fun for the evening was), she gets OUTRAGED over a lipstick message because some arbitrary amount of cleaning won't get it off a window? Christ. this woman needs more chill pills at the next party, or something.

That all said, I'd go over, apologize, and clean the thing. But man, she needs to sit down and talk SOMETHING out if this is such a big deal after 99% of the cleaning work was done.

[Sapo]

I think it was very funny (this from a guy who had lipstick applied to all windows of his car as a birthday present), if you saw the redrum movie together or you joke about that kind of stuff. The going through his drawer part, not so much. Then again, the kind of friends I normally have at home and with whom I feel comfortable going for a shower while they clean are the kind of friends I don't mind opening my drawers.

Apologize, be direct and be light. This should be no biggie.

I am curious about the fact that you are the only one close enough to know where her lipstick is, but she bitches to someone else before talking to you. Did that person know it was you? Did she say so?

[Sapo]

Just give her back the $20, take her to a $20 lunch, and all will be forgiven.
*starts stopwatch*

[Kayeby]

Wait a minute.
After her apartment was cleaned by ridiculously conscientious party guests, even doing the dishes, and cleaning up whatever was around (bottles, cups, cans, board games, dead hookers, whatever the fun for the evening was), she gets OUTRAGED over a lipstick message because some arbitrary amount of cleaning won't get it off a window? Christ. this woman needs more chill pills at the next party, or something.
Totally agree. I've had a single guest puke in almost every room of the house (that was fun to find in the morning). Lipstick on the mirror and a sparkling apartment? I wish I had such problems.

[ThirdCultureKid]

Seriously? Have you ever seen that body lotion with glitter in it? Once you brush up against that stuff there is no getting it off. You’ll be living with if for the rest of the day at the very least, and may still find a stray sparkle in odd places for a week afterwards. Anyway, I think it’s too big a job for a single razorblade and seems to require a large kitchen knife. I was too nervous (and quick) to undergo the procedure, and the GF didn’t seem to be concentrating that well, but I think it works the same way.
I was trying to make a lame joke that, after discovering lipstick on your collar, your GF might have had over motivations for getting a razor blade as close to your jugular as possible. I have myself used the razor trick for the exact same sticky, glitterly stuff you describe, it was just the words "damn intent" that sent me over the edge.

Note to self: No, you are not funny.

[Waverly]

I was trying to make a lame joke that...I already made that joke. Twice. Of course I had to be my own straight man the first time, but I love you guys so much that I'm willing to put in the effort.

[ThirdCultureKid]

:smack:
This is what I get for studying and reading the SDMB at the same time. Carry on.

Slinks away, wondering if alcohol would facilitate comprehension

[madmonk28]

I wouldn't have reacted the way the host did, but your actions would have been a WTF moment for me. If I found out who did it, that person would likely not be invited back into my home.

Can I ask how old the group is? If it is twenty somethings, then I guess I would let it slide.

[Hilarity N. Suze]

I'll bet it wasn't the lipstick, or at least not by itself.

I'll bet it was all those shots of cold water blasting out of the showerhead while the guests were cleaning up and doing dishes and the hostess was showering.

[Geek Mecha]

She considered it vandalism and a huge symbol of disrespect of her apartment and that she scrubbed at it for 15 minutes and can't get it off the window, that she feels violated that someone rifled through her drawers to find lipstick, and that she never wants to host another party again.

<snip>

Were someone to write something on a mirror or my window in lipstick, and I found it later, I'd probably be relatively amused, scrub it off, and inquire about it the next day. I definitely wouldn't feel violated, disrespected, or vandalized.
It sounds to me like you're only focusing the the lipstick writing, which may not be what your friend is angry about.

It was reported your friend said you disrespected her apartment and violated her privacy. I think it's very possible the fact that you dug through her stuff and thought it was ok to deface her property, using her property, that bothered her more. I know for me that would be the case. If it were me and you wrote on my mirror using your own lipstick, I would be more amused than upset.