Good GOD, what a stench!

[teela brown]

The imbecilic gigglebitch who sits on the other side of a low divider from me used to shpritz herself liberally with a hideous cologne. It was so gag-inducing that the attorneys of the department complained and she was promptly shut down. I snuck a look at the product in question when she was away from her desk - it was Calgon brand Tropical Heave or some shit like that.

So now, not to be denied her stink ration, she has switched to some godawful scented hand lotion. She's technically evading the "no perfume shpritzing" law, but the result is the same for me. I sit within about five feet of her, so I get the full blast of this new cack. It's called "Christmas Cranberry" lotion. I had to walk to another department for awhile to get some fresh air. When I started walking back to my department ten minutes later, I could start smelling Cranberry Cack a good 100 feet away.

God, I don't want to the fight this battle. So many people who use this crap think they smell like heaven on earth, or that they only use "a little bit". If I start complaining, I'll have to deal with her hissy fits and I don't have the strength.

[kaylasdad99]

Shoot me your office manager's email address, along with the name and cubicle location of the offending party. I'll be happy to email in a complaint that the smell is bothering me all the way down in Southern California.

:D

Any chance that she has a medically-related bodily odor problem that she's trying to mask? Or, less charitably, is there any chance that she has a substance abuse issue that she's trying to cover up?

[Q.E.D.]

I suggest a diet of nothing but cabbage, eggs and beer. Fight stink with STINK, I say!

[Jeep's Phoenix]

XD

I do feel your pain...the new temp worker likes to marinate in some cheap crap that smells a lot like something you might use to clean a nasty shower. It's quite powerful, as it has managed to completely cover the smell of the musty books in the room where she works.

[Apricot]

I removed the smelly hand lotion from the bottle in the ladies room and refilled with a scentless version. Can you just add a small amount of unscented lotion each day. She'll think it's the bottle that lasts forever and each day you'll be closer to a scent free workplace.

[Mangetout]

I removed the smelly hand lotion from the bottle in the ladies room and refilled with a scentless version. Can you just add a small amount of unscented lotion each day.Or cod liver oil.

[Rysdad]

That's something I just can't, and won't, abide.

Fucking Kresge's $2.50/quart cologne.

All courtesy goes out the window, as in,

"You fucking reek! Knock it off."

I don't get headaches, EVER, except from having to suffer from someone else's eau de cheap whore.

Good thing I work in a hospital. Stinking is verboten.

[AuntiePam]

XD

I do feel your pain...the new temp worker likes to marinate in some cheap crap that smells a lot like something you might use to clean a nasty shower. It's quite powerful, as it has managed to completely cover the smell of the musty books in the room where she works.

Maybe that's why she's marinating in it.

[Ogre]

I took my cats to a new veterinarian recently. Apparently, the guy bathes in some horrific Polo-esque abomination. Now, three days later, my cats still reek of the shit.

[BiblioCat]

The imbecilic gigglebitch who ...I am stealing the phrase 'imbecilic gigglebitch.' It applys so perfectly to various people I know.

[The Blue-Sighted Shadow]

Our manager sent out an email to our new contractors today, asking them not wear (marinate in) perfume, because our air cleaner isn't able to keep up with the stench, I mean scent. I had an asthma attack just walking by one of them today. What's weird is that they didn't stink last week, when we were all working in a conference room together. I think I'd rather smell BO.

[Kneepants Erasmus, the Humanist]

BO doesn't give me a headache, so I quite prefer it.

[Fish Nya]

My boss once got a little sample of some horrible lotion. I think it was "Midnight Pomegranate" from Bath & Bodyworks. On first sniff it was nice, but you actually used it it stank like none other. Normally lotion smell fades after a little while- this stuff did not. My boss washed her hands several times but the scent still followed her. I think she got some Clorox before she got it out.

I only use weak smelling lotions. My favorite is "green clover and aloe" as you can only smell it if it is close to your face. It fades away pretty fast, too. I couldn't imagine using something strong, it's make me gag.

[Dottygumdrop]

Our office building has little air-freshener spritzers in each of the lifts (aka elevators). At random times during the day, they spritz a little God-awful stink into the confined space of the lift. It's very important, when you walk into the lift, to choose a location not directly in the line of fire, otherwise you get to spend the rest of the day smelling like cheap whore!

[BoBettie]

This makes me laugh reminding me of when I THOUGHT (honestly, I did) that I was doing a co-worker a favor by telling her that the lotion she was using was the *exact* same scent as scented pads. I mean, every time she used it I thought "Man, she's on the rag again??" then finally grabbed the bottle and smelled it. She was offended. I still think I did her a favor, because mad as she was, she at least stopped reeking of eau de period cover up for a while.

[Guinastasia]

I had an asthma attack just walking by one of them today.


I get seizures, and my trigger is strong smells and/or stenches. So before I was on meds, someone with really strong cologne would trigger one.

(Not the huge, black out, bite your tongue one. More the little, confused, brain spinning, nonsense thoughts, weird smells and panic attacks, that only lasts a few seconds, but really really suck)

[Lute Skywatcher]

I had to walk to another department for awhile to get some fresh air. When I started walking back to my department ten minutes later, I could start smelling Cranberry Cack a good 100 feet away. Would your bosses allow you to put a small fan at your desk? At least then the stink wouldn't hover in your area.

[Mama Tiger]

If I were you, I'd start coughing and blowing your nose, and then go complain to your boss that apparently you're allergic to all this perfumed shit that IB is slathering herself in, and could she please be ordered not to wear scented anything (except deodorant!). Because otherwise you'll have to go out on disability until they can resolve the problem.

Who knows, it might work.

- Mama Tiger, who also has had 911-worthy asthma attacks from cheap perfume

[Sunspace]

My rule of thumb is: if it makes my contact lenses itch, it's too much. And that's happened.

[appleciders]

XD

I do feel your pain...the new temp worker likes to marinate in some cheap crap that smells a lot like something you might use to clean a nasty shower. It's quite powerful, as it has managed to completely cover the smell of the musty books in the room where she works.

What? That's criminal! I love that smell!

I remember my little sister once just had to wear a particular sweatshirt to school one morning. Unfortunately for us all, she had worn that particular sweatshirt to the barn the previous afternoon and had apparently used it to dry a sweaty horse. I'm exaggerating, but only slightly. So she covered it up with perfume, put the sweatshirt in her bag, and got in the car to go to school.

We ended up making the sweatshirt ride outside the car, hanging from the window, in December with rain flooding in the window in a desperate attempt to escape the stink. Yuck!

[SomeUserName]

Am I the only person that associates the smell of scraped resins from a bowl are equal to the smell of opium which is the base of some perfumes?

I swore I have walked into a meeting and she sat right next to me and if I did not know better I would have thought she had just come back from smoking a caked bowl.

I am serious. Do some perfumes smell of opiate?

[Cat Whisperer]

(Making the obvious joke)
Well, maybe Opium does. :D

I don't actually know what opium smells like, so I don't have a frame of reference. Some perfumes smell like crushed bugs to me, though.

[Acid Lamp]

Am I the only person that associates the smell of scraped resins from a bowl are equal to the smell of opium which is the base of some perfumes?

I swore I have walked into a meeting and she sat right next to me and if I did not know better I would have thought she had just come back from smoking a caked bowl.

I am serious. Do some perfumes smell of opiate?

Yes.

I will NOT elaborate farther on this point either. ;)

[Man With a Cat]

Put a big steamy pile of dogshit on her chair (surreptitiously of course) and then comment on how much nicer it smells around here lately.

[Rascal's Mom]

A co-worker took a cigarette break the other day. Okay, so this week the weather here has been cooooooooold, so she stands with one foot outside, one propping the door open, half in, half out. As the subzero weather + cigarette smoke come pouring in, another co-worker sticks her head around the corner and says "Cold!" Made her point. Smoking co-worker finished her cigarette, came back in and said "Well, did you want me to come inside and smoke?" I gave her the death glare from hell and informed her that our shared co-worker has asthma. Stoopit............. grr

[Drain Bead]

Brian Fantana: Sex Panther by Odeon. This stuff is illegal in 9 countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.
Ron Burgundy: It's quite pungent. It's a formidable scent, it stings the nostrils...in a good way. Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Brian Fantana: They've done studies, you know. They say 60% of the time, it works every time.
Ron Burgundy: That doesn't make any sense.
Brian Fantana: Well... Let's go see if we can make this little kitty purr.
Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh.
Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with Indian food! Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people
Garth Holliday: What is that? Smells like a turd covered in burnt hair.
News Station Employee: It smells like Bigfoot's dick!

Plenty of lines in there that you can use next time.

[Lynn Bodoni]

If I were you, I'd start coughing and blowing your nose, and then go complain to your boss that apparently you're allergic to all this perfumed shit that IB is slathering herself in, and could she please be ordered not to wear scented anything (except deodorant!). Because otherwise you'll have to go out on disability until they can resolve the problem.

Who knows, it might work.

- Mama Tiger, who also has had 911-worthy asthma attacks from cheap perfume There's unscented deodorants on the market.

Personally, I enjoy a LIGHT application of scent on other people, most of the time. And I usually give myself a small squirt of Opium before I go out. But it's just one tiny squirt. And if I'm going to be up close and personal with someone who has to be within touching range, say my doctor or dentist (as opposed to being up close and personal with a lover), then I don't use perfume at all.

[BaneSidhe]

There's a girl who works in my office who REEKS of some expensive but horrendously smelly perfume. I mean, she bloody MARINATES in it. I can't stand her in the first place but this perfume she has just puts the icing on the cake. I swear when she walks by my office, the smell leaks thru the closed door and is assimilated into the carpet!

[Acid Lamp]

I suggest you go to Sinister Scents (http://dreamreapers.com/ssindex.php), a supplier of concentrated special effects smells for haunted houses. Buy yourself a nice bottle of concentrated putrefaction, open grave, or burning hair and pour it into her scent bottle when she goes to the bathroom. Give it a vigorous shake and watch the fun. :D I've used these products before and they are fantastic.

[susan]

Find the asthmatic in your office and support that person's complaint to HR.

[teela brown]

I think I've come up with a plan. One of my attorneys despises her because of her weird psycho behavior and scenting antics. On an upcoming weekend when I'm out of town, I'm going to have him just remove the lotion from her desk and throw it away. She'll first wonder if I did it, but since she'll know I'm away, she won't be able to pin it on me. She doesn't yet guess that the attorneys in our department dislike her. The attorney in question often works weekends and so he'll be a good partner in crime.

[MsRobyn]

I suggest you go to Sinister Scents (http://dreamreapers.com/ssindex.php), a supplier of concentrated special effects smells for haunted houses. Buy yourself a nice bottle of concentrated putrefaction, open grave, or burning hair and pour it into her scent bottle when she goes to the bathroom. Give it a vigorous shake and watch the fun. :D I've used these products before and they are fantastic.

You might also find a search and rescue supplier to obtain some, ah, special fragrance like putrescine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Putrescine) or cadaverine (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadaverine). These are lovely fragrances used to train dogs to find human bodies in search-and-rescue operations. A little dab'll do ya. :D

Robin

[j666]

I think I've come up with a plan. One of my attorneys despises her because of her weird psycho behavior and scenting antics. On an upcoming weekend when I'm out of town, I'm going to have him just remove the lotion from her desk and throw it away. She'll first wonder if I did it, but since she'll know I'm away, she won't be able to pin it on me. She doesn't yet guess that the attorneys in our department dislike her. The attorney in question often works weekends and so he'll be a good partner in crime.
Of for heaven's sake.
If you have an HR person, have him/her/them TELL her that she must use only unscented lotions in the office, because she is making people ill.

In fact, after they discuss this with her, they should make it company policy. No scented lotions or soaps to be used on the premises.

I hate that shit.

[teela brown]

Of for heaven's sake.
If you have an HR person, have him/her/them TELL her that she must use only unscented lotions in the office, because she is making people ill.

In fact, after they discuss this with her, they should make it company policy. No scented lotions or soaps to be used on the premises.

I hate that shit.

As do I.

She's just the excitable type to make this into some sort of me vs. her feud. And since I have to sit within five feet of her, I prefer not to escalate her psycho-ness factor at me. It's a bit like having neighbors who are clueless enough to make a godawful amount of noise late at night, and transform that stupidity into a vendetta against you no matter how politely you ask them to keep it down.

[j666]

Good.

Then you can get her fired.

Good luck, and, seriously, go through HR. Stopping passive agrressive bullshit and petty feuds IS part of their job.

[Happy Scrappy Hero Pup]

I think I've come up with a plan. One of my attorneys despises her because of her weird psycho behavior and scenting antics. On an upcoming weekend when I'm out of town, I'm going to have him just remove the lotion from her desk and throw it away. She'll first wonder if I did it, but since she'll know I'm away, she won't be able to pin it on me. She doesn't yet guess that the attorneys in our department dislike her. The attorney in question often works weekends and so he'll be a good partner in crime.

This is an absolutely horrible idea.

Perhaps you could either engage her in a discussion about olfactory boundaries (that is, talk to her about it rationally), or you could avail yourself of the mechanisms within your office to effectively solve the problem. That way, even if she does go "psycho," (or, just understandably reacts negatively to what amounts to you fucking with her), HR already has notice that she's retaliating improperly, rather than properly. Because if you concocted a plan to waste attorney time and steal from a co-worker, and I were in HR, guess what? You'd look like (and you would be) the bad guy.

Being an adult about all this has SO much more upside.

[lalenin]

BO doesn't give me a headache, so I quite prefer it.

I don't know, I once shared a programming assignment with a group of Germans. Not so bad you say? This was in Cuba, in a building with no air conditioning and small windows, and these Germans had evidently never heard of either daily showers or anti-perspirant deodorant. I know what hell smells like.

[lisacurl]

I think I've come up with a plan. One of my attorneys despises her because of her weird psycho behavior and scenting antics. On an upcoming weekend when I'm out of town, I'm going to have him just remove the lotion from her desk and throw it away. She'll first wonder if I did it, but since she'll know I'm away, she won't be able to pin it on me. She doesn't yet guess that the attorneys in our department dislike her. The attorney in question often works weekends and so he'll be a good partner in crime.
Or you could be an adult about it.

Seriously, wtf?

[teela brown]

Yeh, everyone's right. I think I was indulging in a bit of wishful thinking.