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View Full Version : What are your pet nicknames for various products/businesses?


John DiFool
03-27-2008, 12:02 PM
My buddy and I are always coming up with these (yes, often with a sexual or scatological bent):

For Netflix, Nutlix
Blockbuster Video, Ballbuster
Publix grocery stores, Pubix (where shopping is an orgasm).
Taco Bell, Taco Hell (or Taco Smell)


Yes, I'm sick and bored with a long lunch break, so sue me...

Anne Neville
03-27-2008, 12:28 PM
Taco Bell, Taco Hell (or Taco Smell)

Also Toxic Hell.

When Pacific Bell changed their name to SBC, a friend of mine and I were trying to figure out what it stood for. The best I could come up with was "Sucks to Be a Customer" (I had had some not-so-good experiences with Pac Hell), but he came up with a really good one- "Satan's Bastard Children".

The realtor who sold us our house called one of the Giant Eagle stores near us "Giant Evil". So now we call it that, too.

Litoris
03-27-2008, 12:36 PM
Taco Hell or Taco Smell
Little Sleazers
Pizza Slut
Domin-hoes
Crack Whore Barrel

We're pretty bad, sorry. There are a lot more, I just can't think of at the moment, but the funniest (to us) is we call Wal-Mart "the M store." When my son was little (maybe 2?) and learning his letters, the local Wal-Mart had a McDonald's inside it. There was the big golden arches logo on the front of the (Wal-Mart) store, and my son would always point and proudly exclaim "M, mommy, M." He progressed to asking if we were going to "the M store" and so on, and it just stuck. He's 8 now and gets peeved at us when we say it (he feels like we're teasing him) but it really has just stuck in our house.

Scarlett67
03-27-2008, 12:54 PM
Tar-zhay
Mac's Supper Club
Jacques Pen-NAY
Wally World (duh)

Purgatory Creek
03-27-2008, 01:02 PM
Tar-zhay
Mac's Supper Club
Jacques Pen-NAY
Wally World (duh)

Here we call it Tar-zhay Boutique. We also have Home Pisspot, K-Mapart, and the Mall-O (or Megamall) of course.

ChiefScott
03-27-2008, 01:06 PM
McDonald's is Micky's D's. Or if'n I'm feeling particularly surly, Corporate Death Burger.

elbows
03-27-2008, 01:29 PM
Yucky Fried Chicken (Kentucky Fried Chicken)

BobLibDem
03-27-2008, 01:34 PM
We seem to concentrate on the grocery items:

Queerios for Cheerios
Cocoa Shitties for Cocoa Crispies
Alpha Shits for Alpha Bits
Yucky Farts for Lucky Charms
Cocoa Poops for Cocoa Puffs
Faggotos for Spaghettios
Penis Butter for Peanut Butter

We also do Pizza Slut and Taco Smell

Defensive Indifference
03-27-2008, 01:46 PM
Or if'n I'm feeling particularly surly, Corporate Death Burger.I'm stealing that.

* I sometimes refer to Home Depot as Home Despot.
* When I worked for the Red Cross, I usually called it the Red Plus (and typed "Red +" in emails to friends.)
* Similar to Tar-zhay, I sometimes call Kroger Kro-zhay, but it sounds too much like crochet.

Kind of a generic one, but one day I decided that neckties are really just large arrows pointing to a man's genitals. Being a fan of Flannery O'Connor stories, I put two and two together and began referring to every tie as a "manly pointer". My wife was unamused.

dwc1970
03-27-2008, 01:53 PM
Crapital One- I'm sick of getting their shit in my mailbox at least once a week.
Gayco car insurance- same reason, plus their incessant advertising on TV.
Dead Steer (Red Steer, a long defunct local/regiona fast food chain)
Sewers (Spewers), Buttwiper, Flat Tire, Dead Dog, Killer, Dichelob, Coronary (I don't drink beer, can't you tell?)

Tikki
03-27-2008, 02:11 PM
Down on Seattle's waterfront you can visit Pirate's Plunder, though I don't recommend it. It's devolved into a cheesy, made-in-China, tacky tourist joint but back in our day, it was along the lines of a Pier 1 or Cost Plus. As kids, we used to love roaming through it looking for that perfect (inexpensive) item we just had to have. We called the place Pirate's Plunger.

A local seafood chain, Ivar's, is said in a piratey voice. Arrrr-varrrrrr's.

Bavarian cream donuts are barbarian cream.

Eddie Bauer is Eddie Bowser.

About a year and a half ago, the Dead Sea Scrolls came to Seattle. My sister started calling them the Dead Sea Squirrels. A few months ago a comic strip (Mother Goose and Grimm, I believe) stole her idea.

Mona Lisa Simpson
03-27-2008, 02:21 PM
Kentucky fried pigeon
kentucky fried H5N1 (around medical/geek types)

that scottish restaurant (McDonald's (like MacBeth, never to be said a loud)

Nurses call Haldol "vitamin H" alot... a really urgently required sedative is known as a STAT-ivan

romansperson
03-27-2008, 02:37 PM
Not a business, but:

We have a Jehovah's Witness Kingdom Hall just up the street from where we live. One day I tried to make reference to it in a conversation with my husband and couldn't remember the proper term. I ended up saying:

"You know, that place up the street ... the ... Temple of Doom. You know what I mean!"

It stuck.

MikeG
03-27-2008, 02:51 PM
Whole Paycheck for Whole Foods.

Sheets N' Shit for Linens N' Things

BaneSidhe
03-27-2008, 03:20 PM
The realtor who sold us our house called one of the Giant Eagle stores near us "Giant Evil". So now we call it that, too.

My parents called it "Giant Beagle" for some odd reason.

Around my area we have:

Little Cesars=Little Sneezers
Taco Bell=Taco Yell
Wal-Mart=WallyWorld

Ludovic
03-27-2008, 03:29 PM
Internet Exploiter
Nutscrape
AOHell

Orlando Slantinel
User Today

Hockey Monkey
03-27-2008, 07:48 PM
Taco Bell = Taco Hell
Pizza Hut = Pizza Slut
Waffle House = Awful Ho (the one on Hillsborough St had some letters burned out a la _AFFLE HO_ _ _)
Wal Mart = Wally World
Target = Tarjzay
Raleigh News and Observer = the News and Disturber
Chik-Fil-A = Chick

I'm sure there are more, but the brain refuses to rotate them to the top of the pile.

Leaffan
03-27-2008, 08:03 PM
Strangely enough, none. Not sure why, but these are businesses that you are free to visit or not. Believe me, they would not be in business if they deserved a degrading moniker.

You think you sound savvy calling Pizza Hut, Pizza Slut?

Moriarty
03-27-2008, 08:20 PM
Burger King = BK Steakhouse. It sounds so much tastier when you say it like that.

Moriarty
03-27-2008, 08:21 PM
Burger King = BK Steakhouse. It sounds so much tastier when you say it like that.

Also, Toys R Us = We B Toys.

MagicEyes
03-27-2008, 08:23 PM
Queerios for Cheerios
Cocoa Shitties for Cocoa Crispies
Alpha Shits for Alpha Bits
Yucky Farts for Lucky Charms
Cocoa Poops for Cocoa Puffs
Faggotos for Spaghettios
Penis Butter for Peanut Butter
I'm glad I don't shop at your grocery store!

Valgard
03-27-2008, 09:21 PM
Home Despot
Best Buy I refer to as "Worst Buy"
My motto for CompUSA, when they were still around, was "Why pay less?"

freckafree
03-27-2008, 09:25 PM
Strangely enough, none. Not sure why, but these are businesses that you are free to visit or not. Believe me, they would not be in business if they deserved a degrading moniker.

You think you sound savvy calling Pizza Hut, Pizza Slut?

My use of degrading names has nothing to do with whether I like or dislike the business. I call it Pizza Slut, and I like their pizza! (This is not to say that I like every business for which I have a nickname, however.)

WalMart = Mall Wart
Shop-n-Save = Slop-n-Slave
Rite Aid = Wrong Aid

And in homage to the dialect of my home state....

Michael's = Mackles

Leaffan
03-27-2008, 09:32 PM
Party on Garth. ;) LOL :p

Charger
03-27-2008, 09:43 PM
Best Buy = Greatest Purchase. It's more formal that way.

Menards = Either "My Nards" or just "Nards."

K-Mart = K-muh-part

Golden Corral = Golden Showers. I got that from a friend who decided to stop calling that for the inevitable slip-up in front of the wrong audience.

Sheets N' Shit for Linens N' Things
I am totally stealing that!

Indygrrl
03-27-2008, 09:49 PM
Linen and Thugs
Pantera Bread
K. Roger or Ghetto Kroger, depending on location

Brynda
03-27-2008, 10:33 PM
Bob Evans was known as "the Bob" around our house. A fond nickname. We ate there so much that the last name seemed too formal.

Sunrazor
03-27-2008, 10:39 PM
My hometown newspaper, of which I was the editor for a time in the 1990s, is the Journal-Advocate. It's long been called the Urinal-Aggravate.

Paul in Qatar
03-27-2008, 10:48 PM
History Channel is Hitler Channel
Luftansha is Luftwaffe
The Atlanta Constitution is the Constipation

==forgot==
The much-missed People's drug stores were always pronounced "Peee Opp Po leaze" in my house as a kid.

dogbutler
03-27-2008, 10:51 PM
Taco Bell = Taco Hell
Pizza Hut = Pizza Slut
Waffle House = Awful Ho (the one on Hillsborough St had some letters burned out a la _AFFLE HO_ _ _)
Wal Mart = Wally World
Target = Tarjzay
Raleigh News and Observer = the News and Disturber
Chik-Fil-A = Chick

I'm sure there are more, but the brain refuses to rotate them to the top of the pile.

What she said. I was involved in a drunken brawl at that Waffle House. Fun times.

susan
03-27-2008, 11:28 PM
Tarzhay
Taco Hell
Stop and Plop
Trader Schmoo's
Pizza Smut
the Thai restaurant in the old IHOP building is Thai-Hop
Starbucks is Evil Empire Coffee
And every feed and seed is "Sneed's, formerly Chuck's"

brujaja
03-28-2008, 01:23 AM
Pak & Save = Sack & Pave

The all-night hamburger stand (Kwik-way?) is the Scarf 'n' Barf

I used to call ALL grocery stores the "Park & Shop & Pik & Pak & Pay & Save"

Oh yes, and Grocery Outlet is Gross Out! (affectionately)

Bambi Hassenpfeffer
03-28-2008, 02:35 AM
Gayco car insurance- same reason, plus their incessant advertising on TV.Queerios for Cheerios
Faggotos for SpaghettiosDo these bother anyone else or am I just being overly sensitive? Gay and queer are not okay to use in a derogatory manner, and faggot is over the line.


I don't really have any nicknames that are derogatory. I occasionally say La Boutique Targét or Linens 'N' Whatnot, and for the combo drive-through restaurants I often use names like The Kentucky Fried Taco Hut or Pizza Bell, but that's just to distinguish them from a standalone KFC or Taco Bell.

I've worked at more than one of the businesses mentioned in this thread (and I still work at one), and none of us ever called it any of these names. I daresay we'd have more reason to hate the places than the customers.

Argent Towers
03-28-2008, 02:36 AM
One local place, a little hole in the wall independent record store called Sweet Hickory, I call "The Claws." OK, so, like, Sweet Hickory = hicks, so like, hicks equals Deliverance, ass-rape, equals rapiers, so, fencing, and fencing equals fences so like, Tom Sawyer, so, Mark Twain, so Mark = Marksmanship, which equals a ship, and Mark is also like, Mark Pi's restaurant (a local Chinese Restaurant), so like, a Chinese Ship, equals a Junk, so junk equals trash, and they had a "trash holiday," in other words, the trash collection was a day late because the sanitation department had a day off, so holiday, Christmas, Santa Claus = claws.

Voyager
03-28-2008, 02:39 AM
Red Lobster -> Dead Lobster
Internet Explorer > Internet Exploder. (I can laugh since I never have to use it.)
Northwest Airlines -> Northworst. But not Southwest.

In the old days Alleghany Air was called Agony air by my poor friends from PA who had to use it.

Even streets can get renamed. When I was growing up in Queens the LIE was called the Long Island Distressway, and I call Automall Parkway near me Autostall Parkway.

kambuckta
03-28-2008, 02:48 AM
One local place, a little hole in the wall independent record store called Sweet Hickory, I call "The Claws." OK, so, like, Sweet Hickory = hicks, so like, hicks equals Deliverance, ass-rape, equals rapiers, so, fencing, and fencing equals fences so like, Tom Sawyer, so, Mark Twain, so Mark = Marksmanship, which equals a ship, and Mark is also like, Mark Pi's restaurant (a local Chinese Restaurant), so like, a Chinese Ship, equals a Junk, so junk equals trash, and they had a "trash holiday," in other words, the trash collection was a day late because the sanitation department had a day off, so holiday, Christmas, Santa Claus = claws.

That's like, um, fifteen degrees of separation or summat innit? I admire your energy and creativity and all of that, I think.

:D

drachillix
03-28-2008, 03:04 AM
Geek Squad = Weak Squad

Norton Internet Security = Norton Infection

Little Ceasars Pizza = Little Seizures

Our favorite local Thai restaraunt = Flaming death

My old ambulance company Med*Stat = Mud Splat

Another ambulance company in a neighboring county Riggs Ambulance = Piggs Ambulance. (The great thing was the lettering was done in lines 2" wide, so a quick 5" strip of 2" wide cloth medical tape could turn Riggs into Piggs on all sides in like 15 seconds.

American Ambulance for a while after a series of accidents involving their ambulances (IIRC 4 in 2 weeks) was prounonced "Screeeeech ....crunch" and American crews with undamaged ambulances were regularly asked how many days ago the company bought it.

Rick
03-28-2008, 03:32 AM
Best Buy I refer to as "Worst Buy"Best Buy = Greatest Purchase. It's more formal that way.I'm sorry you are both wrong. The correct name as coined by my son is Adequate Purchase as in it wasn't a best buy, but is was an adequate purchase.

Sublight
03-28-2008, 03:40 AM
Since "ci" can only be written with the shi character in Japanese, Citibank pretty much nicknames itself among the gaijin community.

sandra_nz
03-28-2008, 06:17 AM
Slightly off-track, but my husband and I once drove past a small diner that was advertising 'eggs and bacon on toats'. From then on, we have had toats for breakfast.

My husband also insists on referring to Hugh Jackman as Huge Ass Man.

Anne Neville
03-28-2008, 08:56 AM
Internet Explorer > Internet Exploder.

I sometimes call it that, and sometimes call it "Internet Exploiter".

Student Driver
03-28-2008, 09:23 AM
Steak 'n' Snake = Steak 'n' Shake (based on a sign with a burned out light seen years ago by my mom and me)

Dirt Mall = the local flea market, stolen from Mallrats. Also from Mallrats came "Fasionable Male" for preppy-male mall stores.

Ghetto Gas = a Marathon gas station on the edge of a notoriously bad neighborhood in Indianapolis, that also has the cheapest gas of any station I ever pass.

Dead Bread = Hostess Bakery Outlets

International House of Prayer = some omni-denominational non-church church housed in a building that looks suspiciously like one of those old high-roof IHOPs that has been remodeled. It's a block away from Ghetto Gas.

Marley23
03-28-2008, 09:31 AM
My girlfriend is kind of a Ms. Malaprop. The most enduring example is "chicken cab" for "checker cabs."

In high school my friends used to call Taco Bell "Discount Meat Hut," after something from Matt Groening's Life in Hell. After it became a combination Taco Bell-Pizza Hut, the resemblance was even more striking.

Ponch8
03-28-2008, 09:53 AM
Jack in the Box=Crap in the Box

This is quite an apt nickname, given their history with E. coli-contaminated meat.

nashiitashii
03-28-2008, 10:11 AM
When I lived in Tallahassee, there was one "Badcock and More" furniture store whose first three letters were almost always on the fritz. From then on, most furniture stores have gotten new names:
Cock and More (Badcock)
Ladyboy (La-Z-Boy)
Shame's (Kane's)
Ass Wee (Ashley)
That Shitty Furniture Store or Shit That Breaks Quickly (Rooms to Go)


We also have names for other stores:
All Butt Sons (Albertson's)
Winn Dick Me (Winn Dixie)
Pube Licks (Publix)
Tarzhay (Target)
Home Despot (Home Depot)
Blowe's (Lowe's)
Pizza Slut (Pizza Hut)

Things that have gotten renamed:
nun-nuns (onions)
peelows (pillows)
banennas (bananas)

Sigmagirl
03-28-2008, 10:29 AM
My dad used to call Sears & Roebuck Rears & Sawbuck.

Flander
03-28-2008, 12:00 PM
Taco-Smell has overtaken every other name for fast food; Taco-Smell, Wendy-Smell, Checker's-Smell, etc.

uncle squeegee
03-28-2008, 12:25 PM
Shuttle Express (local airport shuttle): Shithole Express
Home Depot: Home Epot (one near me had defective sign for a few weeks)
Bed, Bath, and Beyond: Birdbath and Beyond or Bloodbath and Beyond
USA Today: Useless-A Today
Jack in the Box: Jackoff in the Box

freekalette
03-28-2008, 01:53 PM
From the days before digital cameras, we used to buy phlegm when we wanted to take pictures. And better make sure the camera has bat-trees in it, or the flash won't work!

I've come to call Wal-Mart by the name "Har-Mart" because that's what my grandmother misremebered it as after a stroke, when she had to visit their in-store Pharmacer to pick up her meds.

Wally World, Taco Hell, and Pizza Slut are all within walking distance of my house, and just a short drive away you can find the Awful Waffle (Waffle House).

I love the "Temple of Doom" for the Jehova's Witness temple. One of my close friends is a JW, so I may have to steal that one to use on him. :p

Cheez_Whia
03-28-2008, 03:02 PM
Home Depot-Home Despot , or Agent Orange
Red Lobster-Scarlet Crustacean
J C Penney-Jacques Pen-yay
City Market(local AKA for Kroger)-Shitty Market
Sinclair gas is dinosaur gas.
K-Fart
Pizza Butt

Maybe more later. I gotta go back to work.

Daithi Lacha
03-28-2008, 03:18 PM
Publix grocery stores, Pubix (where shopping is an orgasm).
I lengthen this out to "The Lix of Pube," much as I say "The Cart of Shopping" and "The Controller of Remoteness."

The Reddy-Mart (or whatever the hell it's called) on the corner is, of course, Kwicky-mart.

Super Wal-Mart is "Das Uber-Mart."

FairyChatMom
03-28-2008, 03:33 PM
We refer to Bob Evans as Bob's.

There's a Chinese buffet nearby that we call Bad Chinese. It's not bad food, but it's pretty bad as Chinese food.

I've also been known to say Pizza Slut.

Ellen Cherry
03-28-2008, 03:45 PM
Chez Tarjay here; we're fancy that way. Similarly, Kay-Rojay is Kroger.
I never eat at the Awful House; my husband prefers dining with Mr. Evans.
I like talking about computer mouses ... though I don't even know if "mice" is even technically correct!

Runs With Scissors
03-28-2008, 04:39 PM
Radio Shat

bannerrefugee
03-28-2008, 04:51 PM
British West Indies Airways (http://www.timetableimages.com/ttimages/bw.htm)

But will I arrive?

Infovore
03-28-2008, 04:55 PM
Popeye's Chicken: "Pope Yes," which evolved into "The Pontiff of Poultry"
Chipotle: Chipoodle
KFC: Kentucky Clucker
Burger King: Burger Thing
Toys R Us: We Be Toys 'n' Shit
Jack in the Box: JFK Memorial Dining Room (not often, we almost never eat there)
Mr. Chao's (a local fast food Chinese chain): Mr. Chao's Wild Ride

Dragwyr
03-28-2008, 08:56 PM
Also, Toys R Us = We B Toys.We used to call it, "We B Toys n' Shit"

One of the suburbs of Kalamazoo, MI is Portage. Here in Paw Paw, we call it, "Portage Land".

There used to be a drive-thru fast food franchise around here called, "Hot n' Now" that sold burgers, fries, drinks, etc at very cheap prices. We called it, "Cold n, Later". It's no longer in business.

gonzomax
03-29-2008, 01:43 PM
The Kroger closest to us was a Chathams 20 years ago. I always call it Chathams. It pisses my wife off ,so I will continue.
McDucks
Taco Smell
Burger Noodle For Burger King

Acid Lamp
03-29-2008, 02:04 PM
Waffle House----> Awful Waffle
Home Depot---> Home despot or Gnome Depot
Radio Shack---> Radio Shark
Robb and Stucky's-----> Rob and Stick me
Lowes----> Blows

renames in addition to Nashiitashii's

Roast beef----> Roast beast
corn----> Corms (lolcat invading normal speech here)
raviolies---> ravel-lolies
Macaroni----->Mastadons and cheese
Beer---> Biru (got engrished)

SandyHook
03-29-2008, 04:03 PM
When we first moved to Carson City an otherwise nice Mexican restaurant had a stabbing in their bar on two consecutive weekends.

We call it the, "Stab and Eat."

Satellite^Guy
03-29-2008, 05:23 PM
-Booger Fling
-Fairy Queen
-Rotten Raunchy's
-Wenchy's
-Kentucky Fried Seagull

Back home, many years ago, there was a country-themed bar called the Urban Corral. It was commonly known as the Urine Canal. I think it's gone now.

There's a place in town here called Burger Heaven. Ever since I've tried their food, I follow the name with: "... where burgers go to DIE..."

S^G

MsWhatsit
03-29-2008, 05:36 PM
In college, we used to refer to the ubiquitous White Hen convenience stores as "the Purple Cock." It was funny at the time, I swear.

Around here, Bob Evans = "The Bob", as in, "You wanna go out for lunch?" "Sure, where?" "I dunno, I was thinking maybe The Bob."

MrWhatsit is fond of referring to Cracker Barrel as "Redneck Barrel."

Green Cymbeline
03-29-2008, 10:48 PM
This is why I love the Dope - I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!!

Satellite^Guy
03-30-2008, 12:45 PM
There's a place in town here called Burger Heaven. Ever since I've tried their food, I follow the name with: "... where burgers go to DIE..."

S^G

And when I said it this morning to Sat^Gal, she replied, "No Dear, GOOD burgers go to Heaven..." :D

... another reason I love her so much. :cool:

S^G

SmartAleq
03-30-2008, 01:38 PM
Internet (or Ford) Exploder, Nutscrape, Taco Hell, Home Despot (or Deathspot), Pizza Slut/Butt, WallyWorld, check.

Fred Meyer -- Freddie's
Burger King -- Booger Kinky
Quizno's -- Jizzno's
Papa Murphy's -- Papa Smurfy's
Safeway -- Snaveway
Jack in the Box -- Gag in the Bag or Jack in the Crack
Muchas Gracias -- Mucho Gass Me Ass
Winco -- Weeeeenco
Dairy Queen -- Hairy Queen
Fry's -- Geek Mecca (newspaper ads are "the crack page")
Radio Shack -- Radio Crap
Wienerschnitzel -- Der Veenervagger
Long John Silver's -- Long Dong Slivers
Windows -- WinBloze (as in "it crashes whenever the...")
Washington Mutual -- Wamu
Wendy's -- Spendy's

Burrito -- Weewoh (juvenile pronunciation of my daughter's that stuck)

Any cheese dip product is "sleaze cheese"

We used to have a local diner that was painted red with black & white cows on it--I'm sure it actually had a name but to us it was always "wanna have breakfast at the cows?" Man, I miss that place...

Euryphaessa
03-30-2008, 02:50 PM
'Round these parts there's a restaurant/country store called The Red Rooster. We call it The Scarlet Cock or Le Coque Rouge. There's also grocery store a couple of towns over called Hanselpacker's that we call Hanselfucker's.

Burger King - BK Lounge
Wal-Mart - Sprawl-Mart
Save-Easy - Slave-Easy
Superstore - Stupidstore
McDonald's - Mickey D's
Kentucky Fried Chicken - Dirty Bird
convenience store - 'beenience store

There are probably more but none are coming to me right now.

MsWhatsit
03-30-2008, 03:29 PM
I'm still in the habit of referring to the burger chain as "E. Coli in the Box."

Zeldar
03-30-2008, 04:31 PM
My favorite is for Circuit City (electronics mart) to become Suck It Silly (for no obvious reason than that people tend to laugh)

Kroger is Kay Roger
100 Oaks (first mall in the Nashville area back in the mid-to-late 60's) was Billion Oaks until I saw a sign that had bled or run together so that it looked like 1000 Aks
Best Western is As Good A Western As Any
Long ago a favorite fern-bar/pub/English inn sort of place was Jolly Ox, which became Pissed Off Jackass for the regulars

Rascal's Mom
03-30-2008, 04:51 PM
WalMart - Hell Mart
KFC - Kentucky Fried Rat
Spaghettios - Can O'Crap or Crap Boyardee
Toys R-Us - Toys B-We

There are more that will occur to me as I walk away from the puter.

My brother had a knack for combining soundalikes and adding syllables. The Dane County Coliseum - the site of many a concert back in the 70's when we did that stuff - became the Drain Country Colimuseum (read that carefully). I STILL can't say it right to this day!

Maui Lion
03-30-2008, 04:54 PM
This one is courtesy of my auntie.
Jack-In-The-Box = Yak-In-The-Box

drachillix
03-30-2008, 10:21 PM
Jack in the Box=Crap in the Box

This is quite an apt nickname, given their history with E. coli-contaminated meat.

Actually we had a better one...worked at a round table pizza across the street from a Jack-in -the- Box

We called them "Jack in the Pine Box"

Moglet
03-31-2008, 04:56 AM
kentucky fried chicken = kenfucky fried chicken

Mc Donald's = Mc Chucks

Red Rooster = Red Rooter


We're looking for a house at the moment.....

Biggin & Scott real estate agent = Biggin & Snot

Hocking Stuart real estate agent = Shocking Stupid

Fletchers real estate agent = Felchers

uncle squeegee
03-31-2008, 01:00 PM
Toys R Us: Toysaurus

Mama Zappa
04-01-2008, 10:57 AM
Microsoft = "Microsloth" or "The Evil Empire".

Ibuprofen (e.g. Advil, Motrin) = "Vitamin I".

The Springfield Interchange (DC-area dopers know what I mean) = "Malfunction Junction" (OK, not a business but still...)

We don't eat "an orange", we eat "a norange".

Ludovic
04-01-2008, 12:35 PM
The Springfield Interchange (DC-area dopers know what I mean) = "Malfunction Junction" (OK, not a business but still...)
Yeah, that was a surprise for me last year going thru that after not having done so for a year. With all of my senses telling me I'm going in the wrong direction, especially since I'd gone RIGHT to go RIGHT so many times before. There's gotta be a political joke in there somewhere

Mama Zappa
04-01-2008, 12:54 PM
Yeah, that was a surprise for me last year going thru that after not having done so for a year. With all of my senses telling me I'm going in the wrong direction, especially since I'd gone RIGHT to go RIGHT so many times before. There's gotta be a political joke in there somewhere
There certainly was, a few weeks back; former right-wing governor Jim Gilmore got stuck in the interchange when we had an ice storm that shut the whole thing down :p . I live 3 miles away from the interchange and go through it several times a week and I find the best thing to do is just concentrate on your own route and ignore all the myriad other flyovers, or you'll get dizzy, and find yourself exiting at the next opportunity and seeking out a plate of pasta because you've just been overcome with a craving for spaghetti.

VunderBob
04-01-2008, 01:10 PM
KFC - Kentucky Fried Pigeon
Taco Bell - Taco Hell
Pizza Hut - Piece Of Butt

Together, under one roof, they become a Colonel Hell Hut

Tar-Jay
JC PenYays

Radio Shack - Radio Scrap or Jap Shack

Wally World

Not any particular brand name, but our generic term for a 7-11ish convenience store is a Stop 'n' Rob.

A regional grocery chain, Farm Fresh, is Fresh Fart.

Long John Silver's becomes Long John McCarp or Long John McGrease

Wendy's - Wendell's

Home Depot - Dome Heapot or Home Despot

Mama Zappa
04-01-2008, 01:14 PM
Oooh - just remembered: "Tipsy McStaggers". Stolen from the Simpsons, where it was the name of a chain restaurant. We use it to refer to the step-above-fast-food places such as Ruby Tuesday's, Chili's, Applebee's etc.

Sunspace
04-01-2008, 01:36 PM
Newspapers:
Toronto Star = Toronto Scar.
Toronto Sun = Toronto Stun.
Globe and Mail = Groan and Wail.
National Post = Notional Pest.
Bancroft Times = Bankrupt Crimes.

The freeway known as King's Highway No. 401, however, has earned the title Evil Death Highway of Doom.

goldenmean1975
04-01-2008, 01:54 PM
There's a seafood place here called "The Bone Fish" I call it The Blow Fish. I don't know why, it just sounds gross to me. The food there is actually outstanding.

I Have Hippos In My Garden
04-01-2008, 01:57 PM
I think this must be an american thing because ive never even heard of it happening here in the uk.....

Bambi Hassenpfeffer
04-01-2008, 05:17 PM
I think this must be an american thing because ive never even heard of it happening here in the uk.....
You've never heard it called "Marks & Sparks"? There have got to be others in the UK as well.

Beware of Doug
04-01-2008, 05:34 PM
Barnes & Noble -> Bones & Narble
USAirways -> UselessAsswipes
BP -> Bee Pee or Apiary Urinary
Extended Stay America -> Expensive Stay America
Brooks Brothers -> Burukusu Buradasu (their name in Japanese)
Chock Full o' Nuts -> Chock Full o' Schmutz

obsolete nomenclatures:
General Foods -> Generous Fools
Netscape Communicator -> Nutscrape Computerhater

drewbert
04-01-2008, 06:31 PM
Wal Mart -> Tram Law
Applebee's -> Crapplebee's (even though I don't hate it as much as many here do)
Charlotte Observer -> Charlotte Disturber

Not a brand name, but:
Parmesan cheese -> Paramecium cheese


Zeldar, according to Deadmalls.com, 100 Oaks should probably be called 'The Mall That Wouldn't Die'

Fugazi
04-01-2008, 06:45 PM
Since the USA Today is to a newspaper, what a fast food joint is to a restaurant, I took to calling it the McNewspaper or just McNews.

swampbear
04-01-2008, 07:02 PM
Crack Whore Barrel
I am soooooo stealing this one! HAR!

Wally*World
KMartha
Pubics (Publix Supermarket)
Idolatry (Dollar Tree)
Big Slut (Big Lots... there was this really tall slutty looking woman who worked there...)
The Pig or Hoggly Woggly (Piggly Wiggly Supermarket)
IBarf (guess)
Awful House (guess)
Hurl House (Huddle House)
Booger King (BK)
Blows (Lowes)

Charger
04-01-2008, 07:09 PM
I remember a few more:
Hardee's = Hardly's
Macintosh = Mine-can-crash


This works for car models, too.

The Ford Mud-Stain
The Jean-Claude Grand Am
The Cavalier Attitude
The Toyota Pretentious

AskNott
04-01-2008, 07:18 PM
Mad magazine called Sears Roebuck "Scars Rowboat," but now it's just "Sneers."

Taco Bell is "Tacobell's Cannon."

Pizza Hut is "Pete Zut."

Somebody here excoriated those who say "Tar-zhay" from the old brilliant commercial, so now it's "Togget."

Burger King is "Burr-GURK-ing."

Radio Shack is "Radio Snack."

The SDMB once had a transmission mechanic who said he had put his kids through school on the trannys in "Ford Exploders," and I haven't called them anything else since.

The Toyota "SillyCar."

I found out that Monahan was my political enemy, so his pizzeria became "Domi-nono's"

Sometimes I think "The Strolling Bones" or "Pig Boppy," but I respect them too much to say it out loud.

Every convenience store is a "Kwik-E-Mart."

My bank, Star Financial, morphed into "Starvin' National."

uncle squeegee
04-01-2008, 08:59 PM
Oooh - just remembered: "Tipsy McStaggers". Stolen from the Simpsons, where it was the name of a chain restaurant. We use it to refer to the step-above-fast-food places such as Ruby Tuesday's, Chili's, Applebee's etc.

Was in Ireland a few years ago, and saw a bar called "Tipsy Mc Stagger's." Sadly we were driving and the camera wasn't ready.

Satellite^Guy
04-01-2008, 09:48 PM
Newspapers:
Toronto Star = Toronto Scar.
Toronto Sun = Toronto Stun.
Globe and Mail = Groan and Wail.
National Post = Notional Pest.
Bancroft Times = Bankrupt Crimes.

The freeway known as King's Highway No. 401, however, has earned the title Evil Death Highway of Doom.

Chronicle Herald = Chronically Horrid

S^G

Ludovic
04-02-2008, 07:58 AM
Creative Loathing.

VunderBob
04-02-2008, 08:37 AM
A few more:

Dollar General - Dollar Genital

USA Today - McPaper

I live in a very rural area, so I frequent Hooterville Hardware and Hooterville General Store.

Red Lobster is known as Fred Lobster's, but that is more in homage to my then 3 y. o. son's pronunciation that anything else. Because of him we also eat brefkist. Our term for these is 'Bobbyism'. If I could remember them all, they make a thread in their own right.

ETA: Kmart - K-Fart

jackdavinci
04-03-2008, 08:49 AM
Taco Bell = Taco Hell, but not just any Taco Bell, a specific one. There are about 6 in the general area of the college I went to and each had their own nickname.

Target - Tarzhay, but only until Target themselves started using it in their commercials, then it became apocryphal.

The local non-7-11 convenience store (can't remember the real name) - Quik-E-Mart (like Simpsons).

Also, any store with a lighted sign, some of it's letters of whose lights have gone out = whatever the sign spells with those letters missing.

jackdavinci
04-03-2008, 08:55 AM
also...

Best Buy = The Buy More (Chuck).

Home Depot = The Workbench (Reaper).

Walmart = (whatever they call it in Evil Dead).

Quiznos = we wuv deez subs!

Barnes & Nobles = Barns n Stables.

ChiefScott
04-03-2008, 11:31 AM
In the Navy we would to refer to Puget Sound (WA) as Pubic Mound.
Come to think of it, we had a lot of slangy names for places -- Virginia Beach is always "Vah Beach" (Highway signage spells out the town as VA Beach); Washington DC is always "inside the Belt(way)"; and Alexandria, Egypt was "The Armpit."

Tool of the Conspiracy
04-03-2008, 11:59 AM
I always pronounce CompUSA as "com-poo-sa".
Grocery Outlet is "the used food store".
There used to be a local all-night diner called Hall of Fame, which we called Ball of Phlegm.

control-z
04-03-2008, 01:04 PM
Belk is "BELK, BELK, BELK!!!" It's such a gutteral-sounding name.

We have a Chinese restaurant called Hunan Best, we call it Human Beast.

Wachovia is "wa-cho-vi-ah", most seem to pronounce it as "wa-ko-vi-ah".

Spaghetti and meatballs is "Pasketti and meat bulbs". Think I got that from Dennis the Menace. :rolleyes:

Caractacus Pott
04-03-2008, 01:53 PM
Wachovia=Walk all over ya
KFC=Kluckin Fuckin Chicken

From the archives:
NCNB*=No Cash for No Body or No Cash for No Blacks
First Union=First Onion

* (North Carolina National Bank, precursor of the current Bank of America)

Infovore
04-03-2008, 02:24 PM
KFC=Kluckin Fuckin Chicken

We also call KFC King Fucker Chicken, after a "Japanese Engrish"ism we saw a long time ago in "Dave Barry Does Japan."

And the Suzuki Hayabusa motorcycle is the "Hihowahya" (always in a thick Noo Yawk accent)

OtakuLoki
04-03-2008, 02:33 PM
Oooh - just remembered: "Tipsy McStaggers". Stolen from the Simpsons, where it was the name of a chain restaurant. We use it to refer to the step-above-fast-food places such as Ruby Tuesday's, Chili's, Applebee's etc.


But but but... it's a local place (http://www.tipsy-mcstaggers.com/). Not a chain.



Let's see, with respect to the OP:

There's Taco Hell. With the full name being Taco Hell-OOO Nurse!
Burger Thing
Pizza Slut
KFR (Kentucky Fried Rat)
Smushed Beans for Refried Beans
Dreaded Chicken for Breaded Chicken
Glop is my family's normal, everyday name for most baked casseroles.
Sliders for cheap hamburgers
Grinder Turkey aka Seagull for Cornish Game Hen
Ottoman Empire for pressed Turkey
Colored Cauliflower for Broccoli
Bleached Broccoli is, of course, Cauliflower
Vitamin P is Pizza

Oh, yeah: It's Internet Destroyer, people. Not Exploder.
And HSBC stands for: Holy Shit! The British are Coming!


One more, based on my experiences while I worked there in HS: K-Mart is The Temple to the Great God Murphy.

CapnPitt
04-03-2008, 03:26 PM
Like others above, Bob Evans is just "The Bob."

Regional grocery store Giant Eagle is "Big Bird"

Arby's is known only as "Kidney" because you have to sell a kidney if you want to eat there these days.

Regional Denny's-type restaraunt Eat n' Park is "Spin and Barf"

And my favorite creation - Red Lobster is "Dead Hamster"

AskNott
04-03-2008, 05:35 PM
Wachovia made me think of the old song, "Someone to Watch Over Me."

However, the commercials call it "Walk over ya."

HelloKitty
04-03-2008, 05:55 PM
This thread is hilarious! My contributions:

Local grocery chain is called Hen House...we call it Chicken Mart

Waffle House we pronounce "Whaf-Leh Houuuuse" with a Latka Gravas (Andy Kaufman from Taxi) accent.

The check cashing/liquor/thrift store/chinese restaurant/pizza place strip mall that's around the corner is "The Poor People Mall" (we go there all the time BTW!)

rjk
04-03-2008, 06:02 PM
The Fort Worth paper Star-Telegram is of course the Startle-gram.

I used to call the Sack-and-Save low-end supermarket the Bag-and-Barf. (They changed the name a while ago to something I can't remember.)

And I can't leave out Rad Shack.

Mrs Johnson
04-03-2008, 06:35 PM
Panera Bread = Pantera
Trash Cock = Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs... Mr J made that up after I mentioned that Mike Rowe is an attractive older man.
"No one Kitchen" - a local Asian restaurant with a sign that actually says "No.1 Kitchen"
hoe Carnival... because the "S" wasn't lit up one night.

Grand Am = Grandma
a bunny = spatula
the space truck = an acquaintance's silver Montero

Circuit Shitty
Taco Hell
AOHell

jackdavinci
04-03-2008, 06:37 PM
almost forgot...

There's some "One-to-One Nursing" place near my house that I guess it for home nursing solutions. The logo for the business used to be in the style of those pedestrian crossing people, with two figures, which I suppose were supposed to represent a nurse bending over a patient to help care for them. But it really looked more like the nurse figure is bending over to um.. copulate with the patient. That combined with the slightly suggestive sounding business name means we call it "Naughty Nurses".

Also, there's some hair salon place whose name is written in a fancy script on a red background, with a picture of a wax seal that looks pretty much like the cover of a famous book. So we call it "The Secret".

rjk
04-03-2008, 07:32 PM
I forgot to post this one:

A woman came into the store I work at, and was quite embarrassed because she couldn't remember the name of the cheese she wanted. She finally admitted that she and her kids call it "Mad Cow cheese (http://www.thelaughingcow.com/)".

Darryl Lict
04-03-2008, 07:48 PM
Our local newspaper is called the Santa Barbara News Suppress. We called it that even before Wendy McCaw fired all the staff and made the sobriquet actually true.

Civil Guy
04-03-2008, 10:24 PM
No one's mentioned this?!?

The word processing program, Microsoft Weird

'Course that's not a only name, more like a dead-on description.

control-z
04-04-2008, 10:01 AM
I forgot to post this one:

A woman came into the store I work at, and was quite embarrassed because she couldn't remember the name of the cheese she wanted. She finally admitted that she and her kids call it "Mad Cow cheese (http://www.thelaughingcow.com/)".

LOL, that cow does look rather loony!

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