Where's that asteroid when you REALLY need it?

[Mr. Blue Sky]

I'm having a really bad day (again). My co-workers are morons, my bosses are worse, my customers can't tell their ass from a hole in the ground, I keep hitting red lights, my printer is dying, the light over my computer desk just blew out, and I want to go screaming up and down the street. It's one of those days where I go outside, look up, and wonder where the hell that earth-smashing asteroid is. Not just a little thing, mind you, but a 500-mile diameter, 300,000 ton behemoth that couldn't be stopped by Bruce Willis and every nuke on the planet and I want it land smack dab on the place where I work. No warning. No chance for anyone to survive. Just little chunks o'earth floating in space for all eternity.

There, I feel better now.

[Bluepony]

Uh, Trump, while I wholeheartedly symphathize with you, that 500-mile diameter asteroid could ruin my day as well.

Might I suggest your garden variety assault rifle or fuel oil/fertilizer explosive as an alternative? I was looking forward to going fishing this weekend, not dodging asteroids.

------------------
"...send lawyers, guns, and money..."

Warren Zevon

[ChiefScott]

Uh, BluePony...

You could handle that pretty simply couldn't you. F-15, flight plan, a couple hundred live rounds, OOOPS -- global locator went down, OOOPS -- that didn't look like the bombing range!

Now it wouldn't be too good for the ol' career... but still.

[Mr. Blue Sky]

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....fertilizer.....

Trumpy, try this:

Invite everyone in your office and all of your most irritating customers to a big party, your treat. Buy lots of booze and very little food. Make sure everyone gets drunk. Make sure the party is held in a fairly small room with a ventilation system you can shut off manually from outside the room.

At the party, have only 'drinking' games that encourage everyone to get stinking drunk. When everyone starts to pass out, or at least is clearly plastered, leave the room. Go to your ventilation control. Pour as much carbon tetrachoride into the ventilation system as you can get your hands on, and then shut the system.

Guess why.

[AuraSeer]

A quick web search suggests that carbon tetrachloride has toxic effects on the liver. Does this mean that everyone will die of alcohol poisoning?

[Bluepony]

ChiefScott---

I "flew" armored personnel carriers and patrol cars in the Air Force (I'm "retired", or "retarded", as some see it). I was a ground-pounder for 20 years, planes scare me. They either drop shit on you or give you the worst, bone-jarring ride of your life. I love contact with Mother Earth. You cannot fall off the ground.

As a final note to this asteroid shit---- Trumpy, you have a helluva lot of nerve wishing an asteroid strike with the first day of NFL FOOTBALL coming up this most glorious and sacred Sunday!! Life is good.

------------------
"...send lawyers, guns, and money..."

Warren Zevon

Trumpy, here's a little poem by Mrs. Parker that might make you feel better, at least for a moment or two:

If I had a shiny gun,
I could have a world of fun
Speeding bullets through the brains
Of the folk who give me pains.

Or, had I some poison gas,
I could make the moments pass
Bumping off a number of
People whom I do not love.

But I have no lethal weapon--
Thus does Fate our pleasure step on!
So they still are quick and well
Who should be, by rights, in hell.

[kellibelli]

sweetheart...On your next break, go get a large chocolate milk, drink it with a straw...outside, and take off your shoes and socks and rub your toes in the grass.

I guarantee this will make you feel better...
Kisses,
Kelli

Auraseer: No, actually when alcohol vapor and carbon tet vapors meet on the alveoli of the lungs, a substance very near(in effect) to phosgene is generated. Phosgene, besides being a common industrial solvent, was once one of the nastier technical innovations of WWI.

[ChiefScott]

He said "phosgene." Heh-heh. Heh-heh.

Awright, Chief -- now you done it. Just for that --

A golfer is out on the 15th hole. He tells his caddy to give him the 2 iron, but the caddy says "no, use the 3 wood." "Excuse me, son? I said the 2 iron." "No, sir. Trust me. Use the 3 wood." So the man agrees, and smacks the ball with the 3 wood so far that it sails to the club and hits his wife on the back of her head, killing her instantly. 5 months later, he's back on the same hole on the same course, with the same caddy. He asks the caddy for the 2 iron. Again, the caddy suggests the 3 wood. "Son, I don't know if you remember me, but I was here with you 5 months ago, and on this same spot, you made me use the 3 wood and do you know what happened??!?!... I went 9 over par!"

[ChiefScott]

But what king of a lie did he have after the noggin shot? Did he make the green in reg and save par?
The Little Red Book has no advice on whether you can clean your ball after killing your spouse. Hmmmm...

[Byzantine]

Dunno, this is just me, but if the "big one" knocks out all those massive butt-munchers you work with it's gonna take you out too... I rather like you and would prefer you stick around. Hell, if I can, so can you! It's only fair, ya know!



------------------
The moon looks on many flowers, the flowers on but one moon.

[THE FUCKING HORN DOGG]

IF AN ASTROID DID HIT WOULD IT OR COULD IT HIT AT 1600 AVE? AS FOR CHIEF SCOTT YOUR COOL AND NO THE BALL COULD BE CLEANED BY HITTING IT IN A WATER HAZARD.
*********************************************
BY THE WAY THE ASTROID IS COMEING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU. NOW PLEASE DO NOT FRET ABOUT BAD DAYS, I HAVE THEM TO AND I AM PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.

[WallyM7]

Horn Dogg, don't shout when I have a headache.

In addition, don't shout when I don't have a headache.

In addition to the addition, if you ever refer to yourself as "perfect" again, I will hunt you down.

Then I will kill you.

Have a so-so day.

------------------
If you're an optimist, you haven't been paying attention.

[Byzantine]

THE FUCKING HORN DOGG felt the overwhelming need to scream the following: IF AN ASTROID DID HIT WOULD IT OR COULD IT HIT AT 1600 AVE? AS FOR CHIEFSCOTT YOUR COOL AND NO THE BALL COULD BE CLEANED BY HITTING IT IN A WATER HAZARD. BY THE WAY THE ASTROID IS COMEING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU. NOW PLEASE DO NOT FRET ABOUT BAD DAYS, I HAVE THEM TO AND I AM PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.

Okay, where to start? It's asteroid. I would hope it only hit at 1600 if you were there at the time. And it's "CheifScott, you're cool". I'm not surprised you posted that, I mean, this from a dork that posts under Interests: EVERYTHING THING IN THIS WORLD. My God, it's attack of The The eye creatures all over again!

It's "coming soon" and I hope you are in the theater it hits. It's "I have them too" and you are so far from perfect that my fingers hurt with holding back about your many, screamingly obvious, faults.

How can I sum this up? I can't. Your hideous post speaks volumes about the massive loser that you are. And screaming at everyone just makes it even more clear. Learn to type. Learn to spell. Learn to keep your trap flapped. Learn to pull your hands out of your butt before you post.

[Czarcasm]

Ya'll can speculate till the cows come home, but for real help come to the Wizard.
I am a former crew chief for the B-52D, and I still have friends in both Logistics and computer tracking over at a certain Air Force base in southern California.
So where did you want the big one dropped? :)

------------------
They call me MISTER Wizard!

[Byzantine]

slythe: can you pinpoint this screaming knuckle-dragger? Don't take out anyone else... unless he's reproduced! If there is actually a woman on this planet who, while tripped out on morphine, decided to have his children, then please, take them all out! Think of it as a retro-active abortion.

[threemae]

Is it just me or is everyone who has talked about the assault rifles and fertilizer on this board sick? Call me eccentric, but I think that jokes about Columbine et al, are at the least in exceedingly bad humor. It is one thing to wish a giant meteorite would strike the Earth, but an entirely different thing to suggest to a frustrated person to grab an assault rifle and go balistic.

------------------
There is no safety for honest men but by believing all possible evil of evil men.

--Edmund Burke

[tracer]

threemae wrote:

Call me eccentric, but I think that jokes about Columbine et al, are at the least in exceedingly bad humor.

Q: How many Columbine High School students does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fifteen. One to change it, and fourteen to pile one on top of the other so the guy changing it can climb on top of their rotting bullet-riddled corpses and reach the socket.

Have a nice day. ;)

[WallyM7]

Good news! The meteor's on the way.

Slated to impact at 1 second past midnight on January 1st. 2000 A.D.

You read it here first.

------------------
If you can't laugh at yourself,
make fun of other people.

[# 00: The Fool]

Isn't it obvious that THE FUCKING HORN DOGG is a joke, most likely the alias of a poster we all know and love ( or hate? )

Oh and threemae, tracer; I have Something to share with you. I was home on the day of the Columbine incident. I watched it unfold on CNN. At one point, they were asking for people who were there to call the newsroom with any information they could provide. A caller was put on the air who said something like: " Now we don't have all the details yet, but apparently the gunman is Howard Stern. He is angry that no one is watching his tv show. . . " And they cut him off. A somewhat embarressed anchorman said, " Apparently that was not an eyewitness. . . "

I didn't it was funny at all. And I don't think your joke is funny either, tracer.

[Bluepony]

Threemae and #00---

Now use your cursor and scroll up. You will notice that this fuckin' part of the SDMB is called "BBQ Pit". (using best Mr. Roger's voice) "Can you say that, boys and girls, BBQ Pit?" It means, if you have thin skins and easily offended personalities, stay the fuck out of this site, and chase your clouds and rainbows somewhere else."

Tracer--- ROTFLMAO!!! Got any more?

------------------
"...send lawyers, guns, and money..."

Warren Zevon

[Mister Armageddon]

I don't know about anyone else, #00, but I love the Howard Stern prank calls during disasters. Here are some reasons why:

1. They help break up the tension of the situation, not to mention the monotony of hearing the same stuff over and over again.

2. They point out the desperate idiots that thrive in American media. These prank callers get on the air by posing as cops, air traffic controllers, disaster officials, etc., and they get on the air without being verified! The people behind the scenes deserve to fall for things like that if they don't have the journalistic integrity to at least try to verify a freaking source.

3. Hi, Opal.

4. They give free advertising to Howard Stern.

5. That last one was a joke, BTW. I only mention this because I'm sure someone would have taken it seriously otherwise.

[tracer]

# 00: The Fool wrote:

And I don't think your joke is funny either, tracer.

Of course not. It was meant to be confrontational, not necessarily funny. It was the equivalent of saying "penis" after somebody tells you "Don't say 'penis' in this house!"

[threemae]

I never said I was terribly offended, I just do not think it shows the best taste although the BBQ pit does seem a bit more appropriate than, for instance, General Questions. At least Tracer's "joke" had a point which he later mentioned, but just suggesting that you go blow up a building I find rather tasteless.

------------------
There is no safety for honest men but by believing all possible evil of evil men.

--Edmund Burke

[phouka]

Penis.

[jazzmine]

damn...I wanted to say penis first.

penis, penis, penis

[AuraSeer]

virginia

[tracer]

Yes, Vagina, there is a Santa Claus.

No, wait...

Blow it out your ass, Threemae!

As for asteroids (assteroids?HUh-HUH-HUH!He said ass! HUH-HUh-Huh!), try a flame thrower, instead.

After all, you work with a bunch of weenies, & everybody loves a weenie roast!

------------------
We have met the enemy, and He is Us.--Walt Kelly

[Konrad]

Trumpy303: I'm working on it! I'm working on it!

You can't rush these things. It's not like I pick these up at the home renovation centre.

[BenDover]

Oh, Konnie, you are SO macho! I don't even know where a home renovation center IS - do you suppose you could fix my stopped up plumbing? I HAVE a screwdriver! ;)

------------------
The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. - Henry Van Dyke

Trumpy: for sheer gut-splattering satisfaction, go to the nearest Wal-Mart and buy a decent sized set of bolt-cutters. Then head to the nearest Army base (the Reserve will do, if they have M-1 series tanks).

Climb on top of the tank's turret, and cut the piddling series-200 lock securing the loader's hatch. Discard lock pieces.

Climb into the turret and close the loader's hatch, securing the locking lever. This is called being "combat-locked". Look at it for a second, I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Put your back to the main gun. It's the big-assed piece of metal about the size of a Volkswagen in the middle of the turret, you can't miss it, even if you are blind. Just stick your hand out. Feel that? That's the main gun.

On the left hand side of the seat itself is a small lever; push it in to adjust your backrest to a comfortable driving position. Pull the headrest down, it's on the "roof" of the driver's compartment. Turn the knob on the head rest to adjust it.

All comfy?

Now: there are two panels, one each on your left and on your right. {Tank manual bit snipped}

On the left-hand panel is a fuel gauge and a three-position tank selector switch with "Rear", "Left" and "Right" marked on it; turn the switch to each position and check the fuel gauge at each stop. It'll probably read 3/4 to Full at each one. If not, get out and pick another tank.

On the far left side of the left-hand panel is a vertical row of about a dozen small yellow lights; some of them will be lit. Don't worry about them, just hit the "Reset" button at the bottom of the lights.

Look back over to the right-hand panel; just right of center is a button labeled "Push To Start". Push and hold for about 3-5 seconds, and release. The engine will begin spooling up; if nothing happens, you got a broke-dick tank. Get out and choose another you dumb-ass.

In about 30 seconds, the tank will be started, and most of the little yellow lights on the left-hand panel will go away. The only one you really have to worry about is the one that says "Engine Oil Low", but don't worry. If the engine gets too low on oil, it'll shut itself off automatically. In that sense, a tank is smarter than most people, but less so than a good mule.

Looking up, you'll see three vision-blocks. These are how you see to drive. One is pointed forward, one is 45* to the left, the last is 45* to the right. Your field-of-view isn't all that great, but for your purposes they'll suffice.

{More stuff snipped}

Keeping pressure on the brake pedal, grasp the knob and pull it out slighty, then slide it right to the "D" position. You'll hear a loud "CLUNK" and the engine noise will change.

Grasp the two handgrips (your throttles) and let off the brake. The Tank should slowly start to roll forward. If not, re-check the parking brake to ensure that it is fully released.

If the tank still doesn't move, slowly twist the throttle(s) until it does begin to move. If the tank feels like it's trying to move, but can't, that's because I forgot to tell you about the blocks under the treads. HA HA! Similar in design and function to the blocks put under an aircraft's tires, these are no serious impediment.

Release the throttle(s) and let the engine idle back down, press the brake and slide the litle knob over to "LO"; release the brake and twist the throttle(s) to the stops. Be warned, when you finally start to move, it'll be slightly up, and then forward very rapidly, with a feeling like you're going over a long series of speedbumps (which, essentially, you are).
Bumpity-Bumpity-Bumpity-Bumpity-Bump!

Okay! You're moving! There might be something in front of you; possibly another tank or armored vehicle, or a soldier or two. If it's a tank, turn. You turn by push-pulling the throttle(s). Pull the right grip towards you while pushing the left grip away from you to turn right. Do just the opposite to turn left. I guess I could have told you that before you ran into the tank in front of you. Oh, you can also let off the throttles now that you're over the chock-blocks; otherwise you're probably doing 40 to 50 mph. Helpful hint: the slower you're going, the tighter you can turn.

Great! Now you're ready to seriously get down to the Revenge business. Exit the track park the same way you came in, disregarding minor obstacles like pedestrians, wheeled vehicles and buildings; the people will get out of your way (and if they don't, well, it's not like you're hurting the tank now, is it?) and the vehicles and building don't feel a thing. Trust me.

Set course for your place of business or work. Don't let things like traffic lights or traffic distract you or slow you from your quest! Stay focused here! Give it all the throttle you want! You've 1,500 horseys to play with, so live it up for once!

Just don't try to turn too quickly while going very fast, or your track is likely to part company with the tank, and that's Game Over.

Remember: Mass + Velocity + Angle-of-Impact = Right-of-Way.

And the pay raise nobody got this year?

Did you happen to notice the brand new Corvette in the boss' parking space?

<FONT COLOR="GREEN">ExTank</FONT>
<FONT COLOR="BLUE">"WEEEHHHAAAWWW!!! We're havin' fun now, ain't we kids?"</FONT>


[Note: This message has been edited by Lynn Bodoni]

[Lynn Bodoni]

I'm sort of torn about this last post. One the one hand, it's interesting, but on the other hand, I certainly don't want to endorse this sort of behavior.

SO, kiddies, let's play safe out there. Please do not take any tank unless you have explicit permission to do so.

Lynn/SDStaff Lynn
For the Straight Dope

[Polycarp]

News report: Youthful hooligans steal tank, drive across rush hour traffic, killing and injuring thousands.

Follow up: FBI beginning search for user with screen name Ex-Tank

Further follow-up: SDMB shut down....

Yeah, Lynn, I see your point! :(

[BenDover]

As much as I enjoyed ExTank's post, and admire his expertise, I agree with Lynn about being a little worried, unless ExTank let out a few vital points. While most of the SDMBers are mature, somewhat sane, adults, we occasionally have some adolescent, irresponsible riff-raff pass through that might get the wrong idea. Maybe Lynn should cut a little bit of the text out? (Wait, let me print it out first!)

Whatever you do, don't let this get mixed up with the Margaret Dole thread!

------------------
The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. - Henry Van Dyke

[ExTank]

No, everything is there, I left nothing out.
However, it is a touch more complicated and demanding than I made it seem.

Sort of like saying model building is easy; just buy a model, take the pieces off the trees, glue them together, put some paint on it and !presto! You've built a model.

While it is true that you have certainly built a model, it most likely doesn't have anything more than a vague resemblance to the professionaly assembled piece shown on the front of the box.

Besides, there's people out there giving away explosive formulas and bomb-making instructions; my tank-driving advice is hardly more dangerous.

<FONT COLOR="GREEN">ExTank</FONT>
<FONT COLOR="BLUE">"...and 'ware the Tank, for doth it ever rumble hither and yon."</FONT>

[BenDover]

That's true, ExTank, but I'm not so much concerned about the availibility of the info as I am its location.

Can you imagine? A couple of teenage boys with a grudge steal a tank and drive it through the high school cafeteria at lunch time, and tell the media they learned how to do it on the SDMB? ::shudder::

I know they deleted the bomb-making instructions in another Forum - maybe GQ?

It's sure a hard call to make - I don't like the idea of censoring posts, but also don't want the SDMB to be blamed for anything bad that happens!

But then again, if I ever need to drive a tank, I know where to find the info . . .

Hmmm. I even know where some tanks are located. How well do they perform on the highway?

------------------
The woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. - Henry Van Dyke

[Lynn Bodoni]

I edited the post, with great reluctance. I tried to leave most of the funny bits in, while leaving the more informative bits out.

ExTank, you should really be writing operating instructions. And I hope that I never get you really pissed off at me.

And to all our wonderful readers (and the rest of you, too)...remember, the US Gummint frowns on free-lance mayhem and destruction. If you want to play with tanks, join the armed services.

Lynn/SDStaff Lynn
For the Straight Dope

[Konrad]

I edited the post, with great reluctance. I tried to leave most of the funny bits in, while leaving the more informative bits out.

This is ridiculous.

[ExTank]

Ain't it though, Konrad?

Next time you're at the grocery store, do this: look to your left; look to your right; look all around and really look at how many goobers are running around on this planet.

Just ask yourself how many of those people have concealed carry permits, or are disgruntled IRS auditors (or your Canadian equivalent), or who learned how-to-make-plastique-with-one-simple-trip-down-the-Household-Cleaners-aisle while they were in the Army.

See the zit-faced 16-year old behind the video rental counter? He's planning to hack into the local airport and shut down the traffic-control tower because he couldn't get a date to the prom.

See the middle-aged woman in the express lane with 1.7 x 10^25 items in her cart and her checkbook in her hand? She's going to decide that she's tired of cooking/cleaning for her fat-ass husband and snotty kids and drive her Dodge Caravan through the front window and bumper cars with all the other customers as an exercise in personal empowerment.

See the mousy looking front-end asistant manager? He started as a stock-boy in the '70s. He just recently took a trip to Mexico where he picked up a full-auto M-16 and a ball of meth for $20 US. Right now he's contemplating his existence for the next twenty years as a front-end assistant manager while waiting for the meth to kick as he's checking his ammo clips.

It's a sick world my Polish friend, and someone left the door unlocked; the helmsman's asleep at the wheel of the starship Titanic and there's nothing but icebergs all around.

Someone should sell tickets.

<FONT COLOR="GREEN">ExTank</FONT>
<FONT COLOR="BLUE">"Don't Panic!"</FONT>

[BenDover]

Konrad, it is ridiculous - but, as ExTank pointed out above, we live in a ridiculous world.

A post describing how to make a bomb was deleted from the board a few months ago.

The Dole-arts-position thread in the BBQ Pit was retitled to avoid possible Secret Service/FBI attention.

IMO, this is not a case of censorship to protect us against ourselves, or to protect the rest of the world against looneys who would use the info unwisely, but simply to protect the SDMB.

Put it in a Columbine perspective - some disenchanted or bored teen is exploring the SDMB and comes across ExTank's very explicit instructions. He prints them out, sneaks over to the National Guard Armory, steals a tank, and drives it through the front of his high school. The headlines read "Tank-Driving Teen Finds Instructions on Internet Message Board". The SDMB gets a lot of unfavorable publicity, the advertisers yank their ads, no one else will touch it with a 10-foot pole, and the SDMB disappears.

Personally, I'd hate to see that happen. I'd rather tolerate a little judicious censorship than to lose the entire board forever.

It's a shame that the board moderators/administrators have to even consider this aspect, but in the world today such an occurrence isn't that far-fetched an idea.

Or maybe we're all just getting a little paranoid.

------------------
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

[ExTank]

Yes Konrad, I checked out your web-page.

Your usage of language is just different enough that something in my mind (one of the myriad "voices") went "DING" and I checked your web page.

I generally discount foreigner's opinions, as I feel they prolly haven't been here long enough to grasp the subtler nuances of our particular form of insanity; you're doubly cursed being a Canuck as well. Our northern neighbors are just to damned rational and mentally well-balanced for my tastes. Nice people, though.

If by CDC you are referring to the Center for Disease Control, then yes, I have some pasing familiarity with the letists propaganda sponsored by the less-than-savory gentleman we currently call "Mr. President" that they've been spewing forth like liquid feces for the past several years.

(Note to those with their Political Sensitivity Gain dialed to the max: this post was composed with Heavy Sarcasm filters in use.)

<FONT COLOR="GREEN">ExTank</FONT>
<FONT COLOR="BLUE">"It is now safe to remove your Heavy Sarcasm goggles."</FONT>

[Konrad]

ExTank: No, I mean cDc as in Cult of the Dead Cow. (www.cultdeadcow.com) They've written about 350 text files...

Yeah my english is weird because I learned it
1. In Ontario which has a lot of old English influence and

2. From reading, mostly older books and translations from other languages which are often done in to a more British style, so sometimes I write like someone from the 1930's...

But hey, that's not so strange compared to a friend of mine, also Polish, who went to a French school and spoke Polish at home so he mostly learned English from reading. Of course he likes to read religous and historical books so he writes like someone from the 1800's... even pronounces the p in psychology and uses words like 'thusly'.

[Konrad]

BTW ExTank, for a good example of a cDc file check out "Silent Applause" under the Funny Stuff section of my web page. From your post about unbalanced people you would probably love a lot of the cDc essays.

[BenDover]

BenDover: You realize that this means I can no longer take you seriously as a human being anymore?

Gee, I'm flattered - I never thought you took me seriously as a human being to start with!

To me it is unthinkable that Lynn should not be publicly mocked.

By all means, mock, if you feel so inclined. I'm sure Lynn can deal with it :)



------------------
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Personally, I don't know what the fuss is all about -- I followed Tank's (pre-snipped) instructions to the letter, and I couldn't get the damned thing out of the parking lot. Those bastards don't handle worth beans.
Also, those rotten untrustworthy bureaucratic military bastards took all the stinkin' ammunition out of it, so what good is it anyway?

Alas, I am sad to report that the local Communist Party headquarters is safe for the moment. How about appending a 'Useful Tips for Beginners' section next time, huh Tank?

[Konrad]

The Dole-arts-position thread in the BBQ Pit was retitled to avoid possible Secret Service/FBI attention.

Put it in a Columbine perspective - some disenchanted or bored teen is exploring the
SDMB and comes across ExTank's very explicit instructions. He prints them out, sneaks
over to the National Guard Armory, steals a tank, and drives it through the front of his
high school. The headlines read "Tank-Driving Teen Finds Instructions on Internet Message Board".

BenDover: You realize that this means I can no longer take you seriously as a human being anymore? I believe that our thinking processes are so fundamentally different that any meaningful communication is impossible and any attempt to do so results only in a transmission of absurdities.

To me it is unthinkable that Lynn should not be publicly mocked.

It's a sick world my Polish friend, and someone left the door unlocked; the helmsman's asleep at the wheel of the starship Titanic and there's nothing but icebergs all around.

Someone should sell tickets.

ExTank: How'd ya know I'm Polish? Am I to assume that someone actually reads my web page?

You sound like someone who's familiar with cDc literature. Hmm?

[tracer]

It's hard as heck to get ammo for those things, too. My local gun store doesn't even carry 105 millimeter rounds, factory loaded or otherwise. (Although I suppose I could just use five 9mm and six 10mm rounds instead. :) (Hey, if Tom Slick could patch a half-dollar-sized hole in his gas tank with two quarters, this should work for me.))

[Konrad]

Lynn: Mock, mock. Mock, mock.

Mock.


You have now been officially mocked.

[Lynn Bodoni]

::sob:: I don't know how I can ever get over this. Woe is me, I've been mocked by a pro! I might have to resign my position, I cannot find the strength to go on!



------------------
Lynn the Packrat

[ExTank]

Ahhhhh, Tracer?

Your combination of rounds still has one teensy-weensy niggling little problem:

the 105mm and 120mm tank rounds are electrically fired by 1.5v DC at I-forget-how-many amps (a C-cell battery will do the trick, though).

God, I can see the headline now: "Army Ammunition Specialist blows self and Multi-million ammo dump up while playing with battery."

Now, if the room temperature superconductor is ever figured out, then the Rail Gun will obviate these ammo problems; a quick trip to the hardware store will quickly outfit you with enough lethal projecties (assuming some ferrous content) to level just about anything and everything you could want to.

Thanks for the links Konrad. I'll check 'em out when I have time.

And my dear Mr. Crick (with his trusty sidekick Watson, of course!): most modern military equipment comes with as many in-built skills as a team of design engineers with several years of planning and a multi-million dollar budget can cram into them.

If you couldn't get the damned thing out of the motorpool, it comes as no surprise to me that you also couldn't figure out how to use a 70 some-odd ton vehicle as a weapon. :D

<FONT COLOR="GREEN">ExTank</FONT>
<FONT COLOR="BLUE">"There's no such thing as a dangerous weapon; there's only dangerous people."</FONT>

Damn! So if I had just remembered to leave my brain at home, everything would have worked out fine? Thanks for the tip -- you military guys really do think of everything.

In engineering we trust!

Communist Party Headquarters, here we come! Yippee!