What stupid things do people always say when you tell them what you do?

[GameHat]

I work for a large chemical company,

When asked, I'll say either "I'm a chemist" or "I'm an engineer for a chemical company"

95% of the time - idiots will reply, "Do you blow stuff up?" or "Do you make explosives?"

The other 5% of the time the idiots will ask if I can make good drugs.

What do people say when you tell them what you do?

[Gary T]

I don't experience a problem with the majority of people, but I have run into a few fools.

My field is auto repair (mechanical). One fellow I know never - I really do mean never - talks to me about anything besides cars. It gets tedious quickly.

One person I'd just met seemed interested in dealing with me. I was asked "Are you honest?" Now, this is a legitimate concern, but a stupid question. What dishonest person is going to say anything but "Yes?" I was so taken aback by the idiocy of the question (not to mention the implicit insult) that I just said "No." I was being a smart-aleck, but I don't know if that was realized or not, as the topic of discussion immediately changed.

[Gatopescado]

"You're too young to be retired! What do you really do?"

You think I'm too young? Then offer me a damn job.

[Alice The Goon]

"What's this?" As they hold out their arm, or lift their shirt, or stick their nose in my face. I work in a dermatologist's office.

I wouldn't say it's a stupid question, perfectly natural, but IANAD.

[Absolute]

I'm a computer science student. People, of course, ask me computer questions.

Yes, I probably know the answer, but I'm not really interested in discussing your corrupted Excel installation.

[Chessic Sense]

I'm in Intelligence. The responses come in two versions.

"Military Intelligence is an oxymoron" Good lord, people. It's not funny or original. Give it up.

OR:

"What's that?" "I analyze" "What?" "Intelligence" "Like what?" "What people give me" "Yeah, but like what?" "Well, I normally try to decipher stuff about people...like if they're being intentionally vague about sensitive information like what they do for a living. You wouldn't be any good at it."

[Chimera]

I remember back in the mid 80's, when I told one of my infrequent relatives that I was a computer programmer, she said "So you tell the computer what to do?". Why yes. But she meant talk to it, like in some damned crappy movie.

I've spent the last 3.5 years working Security. People tend to ask me how many fights I've gotten into. The answer is "Zero". Good security people do not instigate fights or allow incidents to get to that point.

When I worked armored, the less intelligent would ask me how easy it would be for me to steal money. The answer is: If it was easy, these kinds of companies would not stay in business. Would I try to steal money if I thought I could get away with it? No, it's not worth 10+ years in prison. I value my freedom and I'm an honest man.

That kind of dishonest "steal it if you can" thinking bugs the living shit out of me and I won't have anything to do with people who walk that line in life.

(The better question was "What is the most money you've dealt with at one time. The answer to that is "$3.5 million cash on more occasions than I can count; $110 million in checks on one occasion." How much money have I seen at one time? Truckloads. I've been in the Federal Reserve Bank many times, as well as regular visits to the cash vaults of major national banks.)

[Koxinga]

I'm in Intelligence. The responses come in two versions.

"Military Intelligence is an oxymoron" Good lord, people. It's not funny or original. Give it up.

OR:

"What's that?" "I analyze" "What?" "Intelligence" "Like what?" "What people give me" "Yeah, but like what?" "Well, I normally try to decipher stuff about people...like if they're being intentionally vague about sensitive information like what they do for a living. You wouldn't be any good at it."

Let me guess--you could tell me, but then you'd have to kill me?

[Chessic Sense]

Let me guess--you could tell me, but then you'd have to kill me?

If you really want to know what I do, Wiki has much of the general info.

[Cat Whisperer]

I work in accounting - no one ever asks me anything about it or makes any comments at all. It's quite the conversation killer. :D

My other career, landscape design, always gets the same comment; "You need to come do my yard!" Yeah, I'd love to, seriously. No one ever actually takes me up on it, though. :(

[Peanuthead]

Let me guess--you could tell me, but then you'd have to kill me?

Tell my wife....please! :D

D&R

[lizardling]

I'm a technical writer in IT.

"Oh." *blank*

"I write documentation for developers."

"Oh..."

*pause* "I tell computer programmers how to use their software to build other software."

"Oh!"

[bouv]

Well, not so much what I do, because I just wait tables, but when I tell people what my degree is in that's when things get annoying.

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, HATE, HATE, HATE! talking about my degree/education to (most) people, because apparently no on on this fucking planet knows what a biomedical engineer does. A typical dialog goes thusly:

Them: So, what's your degree in?
Me: Biomedical engineering.
Them: :eek: Whoa! Mr.Einstein over here! (Einstein was a physicist you numbnuts, a closer analogy would be Dr.Jarvik...but even less people know who the fuck he is than know what a biomed engineer is, so whatever...)
Them: So...what's bi-O-med-I-cal engineering? :confused:
Me: It's designing, building, testing, and working with medical equipment. (Of course, even this is just a small branch of biomedical engineering, but it's the area I want to get into, so there's no need for me to get into things like tissue engineering, stem cells, artificial organs, nanotech, etc...)
Them: .... :confused: ...like what? (like what? What do you mean 'like what'? You don't know what ANY medical equipment could possibly be?)
Me: You know, pacemakers, prosthetics, surgical equipment, and so forth.
Them:... :confused: ...So what will you do?
Me: I'd like to get into orthopedic implants and prosthetics. I focused on biomechanics.
Them: :confused: Well, you must be pretty smart, then!

I just hate doing it, and it happens 2-3 times a night at my job. People act all impressed, but it's really nothing special!

[Antigen]

I'm a medical technologist.

Most-often-heard response: "what's that?"

Or they'll assume I mean I'm a radiology tech, or they think I make medical equipment.

[Koxinga]

When I tell people I work in the securities industry in Taiwan, they seem to believe that I'm a mall cop in Thailand.

[Manatee]

"Ooooo, I'd better watch my grammar!"

(I'm an English teacher).

[nikenik2069]

I'm an Interpreter for American Sign Language.
People ask me all the time if i know braille. :confused: Um No. I work with people who cannot hear, not with people who cannot see. There IS a difference!!
People also will make some random hand movements and ask me what they said. Um....you didn't say anything, you just looked really stupid.

I also work as a 911 operator and police dispatcher. When i tell people this they think i'm a cop. No, i just talk to cops. No i'm not going to arrest you, but they might. And no, i cannot look you up and see if you have any warrants. If you are worried about that, you should call them yourself. :smack:

[Lucky 13]

I'm a Medi-Cal (known as Medicaid in other states) eligibility worker. I've had several young, able-bodied people ask me if I can get them Medi-Cal, to which I respond, "OK, are you pregnant? 'Cause you're clearly under 65, and as far as you can tell, you're not disabled. And, no, migraines and high cholesterol don't count as a disability." Before that, when I used to be a food stamp worker, I had several friends and relatives say, "Wow, you do Food Stamps? Can you get me some?" as though I had access to the mythical warehouse where they keep all the welfare checks, books of food stamps and Medi-Cal cards. :rolleyes:

[Lord Il Palazzo]

I'm like Bouv, no one has any trouble understanding my job (part timer in a college dining hall) it's the degree I'm earning that people can't get over.

Aerospace engineering. People can't seem to get over how smart I must be to have a major like that. I guess that's because most people tend to equate aerospace engineering with that standard difficulty exemplar: rocket science. Really, I'm not that smart. I just know better than most how various airplane systems work.

The single response that comes up the most is "So are you planning to work for NASA?"

I'm not sure why, but people tend to think that NASA's the only place to go for an aerospace engineer. Nevermind the all the big names like Boeing and Northrop Grumman or that there are lots of smaller companies that still do aerospace work or the fact that there are dozens of other industries use moving or flowing fluids, etc.) Only a tiny fraction of aerospace engineers end up and NASA and no, I'm not going to be one of them.

[PaulParkhead]

Blood donor attendant: "Can you tell what blood group I have?" Well, not by looking at it, no.

Bartender: "Have you ever had to throw anyone out of the bar?" Of course not, drunks are known for their orderly behaviour and courtesy.

IT Staffer: "Oh, you know about computers?" No, I know about pot plants.

Not my job, but I pilot friend told me that the daftest question he gets asked is "Are you scared of crashing?" Of course he is, his job is to prevent that.

[Aithele]

I've had a daycare center for eight years now. When asked what I do, some people have responded with "Oh, you're a glorified babysitter?"

I'm also a full time pre-radiographic student. I'm surprised by how many times I get a response of "So, like, you'll be working with radios?" I really hope the majority of them weren't serious.

Many times people will go on to ask what courses I'm taking this semester, which are U. S. History I, Art History I and Anatomy & Physiology II. They latch on to the last one and with a leer say, "I could help with anatomy." Yeah, I haven't heard that one a hundred times. You are so original. Go pat yourself on the back now.

[The Them]

These days, it's easy. I can just say "I'm a clerk with County Government." Nobody wants to hear about that.

For the OP, man, did that get tiresome. Back in school, I decided to tell people I was an English Lit major instead of fielding all the "Can you make (fill-in-the-blank, often meth or TNG)?" questions.

But, GameHat...is your place hiring? :)

[F. U. Shakespeare]

Let me guess--you could tell me, but then you'd have to kill me?I also hear this one a lot (I'm an engineer in the intelligence community). My standard response is, "Or if you prefer, I could give you a hint, and then kick your ass".

A common reaction to hearing I'm an engineer is, "Can you fix my computer?" I wish I had an equally good response to this one.

[Siam Sam]

When I tell people I work in the securities industry in Taiwan, they seem to believe that I'm a mall cop in Thailand.
Do you sleep on the job and have a big whistle that you annoy people with?

[Nava]

I'm an organizational consultant. If people ask for more detail, I explain that when a company wants to change its management system and use this program I'm an expert in, they call me to teach them how to use it. (SAP, for those who suffer it)

"Oh, you're one of those people who get called in to fire people!"
"Ah, so you work in a school, then?"

The killer one was my SiL worrying about my lack of work stability and equating it with low income... since she's also been known to tell me all she wants from me is my money, I didn't bother to correct her.

[Koxinga]

Do you sleep on the job and have a big whistle that you annoy people with?

How did you know?

[fisha]

So, you chase after tornadoes down in Texas like on the Discovery channel?! That is so cool!


Not even close.

[Marlitharn]

I also work as a 911 operator and police dispatcher. When i tell people this they think i'm a cop. No, i just talk to cops. No i'm not going to arrest you, but they might. And no, i cannot look you up and see if you have any warrants. If you are worried about that, you should call them yourself. :smack:
Or you tell people you're a 911 dispatcher and they say, "So you, like, answer phones?" Hell, no, when it starts ringing I grab a big stick and hit it until it stops.

(There's a chicken in the hallway at my new job. Seriously.)

[Caricci]

"Ooh! You must really see a lot of crazy kids!"

I am the office manager of the counseling center at a college.

[overlyverbose]

I don't get asked many truly stupid questions - Medicare and Medicaid aren't exactly easy to understand. When I tell people what I do, people's eyes usually glaze over. (For what it's worth, I'm a product manager for government health plans at my company, working primarily in Medicare Part D.)

[Fretful Porpentine]

"Ooooo, I'd better watch my grammar!"

(I'm an English teacher).
Ohhh yes. Also: "So, who really wrote Shakespeare, huh?"

[Cowgirl Jules]

"I run a water system" almost always brings on the question of, "Oh, like bottled water?"

No. Not like that at all. You do like to shower and flush your toilet, right? And some people still drink the water that comes out of the faucet.

[WhyNot]

IT Staffer: "Oh, you know about computers?" No, I know about pot plants.
Ah, see I have almost the opposite problem: "I'm a medicinal herbalist." "OH!" nudgenudgewinkwink, "Sure! I'm into *airquotes* Medicinal Herbs, too!" Fucko off.

Or when I was a massage therapist. [Insert prostitution joke here.]

I can't wait 'till I'm a nurse. At least everyone knows what a nurse does.

[OtakuLoki]

The majority of the stupid things I'd heard were all when I was working in the Navy's nuc power program.

"Aren't you afraid of the reactor?" No. The steam plant was what scared me. While I was in, no one was killed in a nuclear accident. 10 guys got parboiled on the Iwo Jima, though.

[Sigmagirl]

As I said before on another thread, I used to be a censor.
"Oh, I'd better watch my language!"
Yes, you'd better.

[LouisB]

Originally posted by Marlitharn
Or you tell people you're a 911 dispatcher and they say, "So you, like, answer phones?" Hell, no, when it starts ringing I grab a big stick and hit it until it stops.I have a serious headache and this made me laugh out loud. Thank you.

I don't get too many questions now since I'm mostly retired but when I had a real job, I designed and manufactured Piezoelectric Quartz Crystal Units; in the electronics industry, these components are simply called "crystals." I automatically used the word "crystals" and I would immediately be asked if I made sugar, there being a "Dixie Crystal Sugar Company. Or, I would be asked if I bottled water, there being a "Crystal Water" company, or at least there used to be. And I got my share of questions about the New Age crystal healing garbage.

[Chimera]

I can't wait 'till I'm a nurse. At least everyone knows what a nurse does.

A "nurse" eh? Wink wink, nudge, nudge... ;)

Sorry couldn't resist after what you said about the first two jobs.

[WhyNot]

A "nurse" eh? Wink wink, nudge, nudge... ;)

Sorry couldn't resist after what you said about the first two jobs.
Oh man, you're right, it's not going to get any better, is it? "Hey, you can give me a sponge bath anytime!" *shudder*

[tdn]

I'm an Interpreter for American Sign Language.
...
People also will make some random hand movements and ask me what they said. Um....you didn't say anything, you just looked really stupid.
You could just act really offended and respond with a hand gesture that's pretty much universally recognized.

[dalej42]

Stockbroker.

Either "Greed...is good.."

or "Bbbbboooooyaaaaa" (Mad Money and Jim Cramer)

[Surly Chick]

I work for the Department of State.

"Which state?"

[Cervaise]

Or you tell people you're a 911 dispatcher and they say, "So you, like, answer phones?" Hell, no, when it starts ringing I grab a big stick and hit it until it stops.Better yet, you all sit around and listen to the ringing and place bets about what might be the caller's problem. If the wagering gets high enough to make it worthwhile, then you answer.

[Elendil's Heir]

...Really, I'm not that smart. I just know better than most how various airplane systems work....

Have you noticed an uptick in treadmill questions of late?

I'm a magistrate. People usually get a puzzled look and ask, "How is that different from a judge?" But, consistent with the Straight Dope motto, I don't mind explaining.

[Gary "Wombat" Robson]

Why does everyone assume writers all produce novels? People sound disappointed that I've "only" written children's books and technical nonfiction and magazine/newspaper articles. Then they say, "But I'll bet you're working on a novel now, right?" Yeah, because I won't be a "real" writer until I've written a novel.

*sigh*

Bartender: "Have you ever had to throw anyone out of the bar?" Of course not, drunks are known for their orderly behaviour and courtesy.See, that one doesn't strike me as a stupid question. I've been of legal drinking age for close to 30 years, and I've been in a lot of bars. When I was young and single, I'd go out to bars four or more times a week. I've visited a lot of bars in my time. And in all of those visits I've never seen anybody thrown out of a bar. My group was asked to leave once (we were harassing a bartender for not having closed captioning turned on and he got pissed at us), and I've been present one other time I can recall where someone was asked politely to leave.

Based on my personal experience, I would guess a bartender throwing someone out of a bar is probably as common as a cop shooting at someone. Perhaps I don't drink in the kind of bar you tended.

[MissTake]

When I say I'm a child support officer I usually don't get questions. Instead I hear whines, rants, long drawn out stories about their sisters' boyfriends' cousins' stepbrother who totally got screwed by the sysem, and comments about what a man-hater I must be.

So now I usually just say I work for the county, or in human services for the county. If a person asks me to be more specific I say "You know, human type stuff".

When I worked for a bookstore: "Boy, you must read a LOT" Well, yes I do, but what does that have to do with anything? I also worked in a candy store and was not Augustus Gloop's twin.

When I worked in a cutlery store: "Aren't you afraid to cut yourself?" I'm more afraid of idiots playing with knives and cutting me. "OOhhh, a girl selling hunting knives? What do you know about hunting?" I don't need to know about hunting - most people don't use a knife to bring game down. I can tell you the best knife for whatever game you're dressing though. I won't even start on the truly hideous misogynistic questions I'd get with regularity.

fisha, what do you do? TheKid is super interested in weather, especially tornadoes.

[gotpasswords]

"What's that?" "I analyze" "What?" "Intelligence" "Like what?" "What people give me" "Yeah, but like what?" "Well, I normally try to decipher stuff about people...like if they're being intentionally vague about sensitive information like what they do for a living. You wouldn't be any good at it."
Not too far from my world at cocktail parties. I'm a security analyst, specializing in a large bank's wholesale banking division. In small words, I keep your money safe and available when and where you expect it to be. I can't help the "how much" part, though.

You work in a warehouse? No. "Wholesale" is referring to huge-value customers like various states' payroll accounts, corporations and absurdly wealthy individuals who maintain "private banking" relationships.

Who are your customers? Can you look up Bill Gates' checkbook balance? This is the "I'd have to kill you" part. Just saying who banks with us can be a termination offense as it can get us into all sorts of regulatory grief with all of the consumer privacy laws. I have no idea where Mr. Gates banks, and I truly don't care.

Can you get me any samples of money? Like I've not heard that fifteen times in the past hour.

Can you fix my computer? It's been really slow and it crashes all the time. Yes, I could, but you won't like how I do it or what I'll charge you for it.

You carry a gun? Yeahhh... I need to defend myself from rabid passwords now and then. Nope. no guns in the building.

[Martian Bigfoot]

I'm in library school, learning to be a proper librarian. What I keep getting is:
"What, you need an education for that?"

:rolleyes:

Where do you think librarians come from, punk? Do you think they grow on trees? Fall down from the moon? Fuck, some of the librarians right down at your local public library probably have more years of higher education than your fucking doctor.

[Speaker for the Dead]

I have two "professions," and I get a variety of odd responses.

1) I'm a History student. I always get the "oh, I hate History" comments. I still don't have a good response: "well, I... do?" I've now taken to defending my field as something significantly more complicated than people imagine it, since it is.

1a) I've applied to medical school. "You must be smart!" Well, no: anybody can apply. I haven't been accepted, yet. The more logical question is "then why History as a pre-med degree?" The answer is that I love medical history, and plan on continuing to work in the field after (if) I get my MD.

2) I'm a rental caretaker. That is, when people rent out school spaces when regular janitors aren't working, I get pulled in at minimum wage so that the school system doesn't have to pay the regular janitors overtime. My job consists of unlocking doors, sleeping/studying until the people leave, and sweeping up after them. A killer shift will see me having to take out and put away 100 chairs. I get all kinds of classist criticisms/looks/sniffs. It's not frustrating, even if it is stupid. I'd prefer to be underestimated!

[SanibelMan]

I work at a newspaper.

"Oh, you're a reporter?"

No, I'm a page designer.

"...Oh."

I should really just tell people I draw rectangles for a living.

[Solfy]

I've got the same job as the OP (minus the engineer bit). I don't get either of those questions, but I do get, "Oh. You must be really smart." (answer - not really, I'm sort of a glorified cook) and "I hated chemistry in highschool." (reply - I'm sorry to hear that; I think it's pretty fun.)
And I did make drugs and enjoyed telling people that. The adults usually figured out that I meant the legal variety, but with 12yr olds on facility tours I usually got an, "Ooooooh!"
Now I make an interesting component of a commercially availble product that people don't think of as having a whole lot to do with chemistry. It's good conversation fodder.

[Oredigger77]

I'm a petroleum engineer

"Why do you hate the Earth?"

Umm . . . I don't I kinds need it to live.

"So are we running out of oil?"

Ya, in my life time no

And lately the one that really gets me

"Why don't you lower the price of gas?"

I drill oil wells I have exactly nothing to do with gas prices heck my company has nothing to do with gasoline prices.

[Walpurgis]

Why does everyone assume writers all produce novels? People sound disappointed that I've "only" written children's books and technical nonfiction and magazine/newspaper articles. Then they say, "But I'll bet you're working on a novel now, right?" Yeah, because I won't be a "real" writer until I've written a novel.

*sigh*


Yeah. I've published short stories, scripts, articles and other stuff for ten years but I still get "Oh, so you want to be a writer" - because I haven't published a novel. Apparently I'm also not a real writer because I work in an office a couple of days a week. (Everyone knows that real writers live off generous inheritances or the profits of their bestsellers.)

"So when do we get to read your bestseller?"

or

"So can I read some stuff you're working on? I bet I could help you out."

or, my favourite

"So do you believe in science fiction?"

(edited for clarity)

[The Great Sun Jester]

I should really just tell people I draw rectangles for a living."I buy wrecked cars for [insurance company name]" is pretty much all I say anymore in answer to the occupation question. "Claim Representative" is too vague.

But always the question is, "So I'll bet you get wikkid good insurance rates, huh?" And in fact I do, but it's because I haven't run into anything in the last 25 years.

And in The Army I was an Arabic linguist in military intelligence. "Oh, know any secrets?" "Oxymoron!" and "Say something in Arabic!" to which I give the following stock answers: "Yes." "No, you're thinking of 'Army Finance'" and "(Arabic for 'something')"-->'Huh, what'd you just say?" "'something'"

[Chimera]

Oh yeah, this one too.

When I worked Security at a major Distribution Center for a national retail chain, my mother kept asking when they'd have a warehouse sale. :rolleyes: No matter how many times I described the place* to her and said "NEVER", she'd invariably ask again a month or so later.

* The building was a quarter of a mile on a side, racks higher than Sam's Club, conveyer belts and scores of forklifts everywhere, 40+ truck internal bay, several hundred trailers parked outside...

No, they do not want the general public wandering around inside, dodging forklifts, getting injured by the conveyer belt system, playing with their equipment, exploring all the truck trailers.

[Speaker for the Dead]

Now I make an interesting component of a commercially availble product that people don't think of as having a whole lot to do with chemistry. It's good conversation fodder.You make meat? :eek:

[Ellen Cherry]

I'm a writer, so I get the "novel" question a lot too.

I have yet to write a single word of fiction, but I've been writing for a living for more than 20 years. Newspapers, television shows, promotional material. That stuff has to be written by somebody too, ya know.

Also the grammar thing, once it's discovered I majored in English in college. I always say I majored in literature, not grammar! :p

[Solfy]

You make meat? :eek:

Yes, magical color-changing meat. :)

[KneadToKnow]

When I worked for a bookstore: "Boy, you must read a LOT" Well, yes I do, but what does that have to do with anything?
Try being a librarian.

[zagloba]

Yes, magical color-changing meat. :)That's not magical! All meat changes color. Just look in my refrigerator ... or on my kitchen counter, even!

[OtakuLoki]

Yes, magical color-changing meat.:)That's not magical! All meat changes color. Just look in my refrigerator ... or on my kitchen counter, even!


<shakes fist> Dammit, I wanted to make that joke.

[Jamaika a jamaikaiaké]

I have two "professions," and I get a variety of odd responses.

1) I'm a History student. I always get the "oh, I hate History" comments.
I'm a Math PhD student.

"I always hated Math." (Thanks. I hate your profession, too, asshole.)
"I was never good at Math." (Are you proud of this?)
"You must be very smart." (No, I just study something you are unfamiliar with.)
"You can do research in ... Math?" (Um, yes.)

I'm finishing my thesis this semester.

"How many chapters do you have done?" (WTF? Chapters?)

[BlinkingDuck]

I'm a statistician.

Are you serious?


I must not look like one...

[Folly]

That's not magical! All meat changes color. Just look in my refrigerator ... or on my kitchen counter, even!

...or my ceiling! Stupid spatula.



I work in the elections industry.

My favorite: "So who's going to win the next election?" *wink* "ha ha ha"

or not nearly as much anymore.

"So you caused all those problems in Florida"
Um, not my company's equipment, but thanks for playing.

[Absolute]

I'm a Math PhD student.

"I always hated Math." (Thanks. I hate your profession, too, asshole.)
"I was never good at Math." (Are you proud of this?)
"You must be very smart." (No, I just study something you are unfamiliar with.)
"You can do research in ... Math?" (Um, yes.)

I'm finishing my thesis this semester.

"How many chapters do you have done?" (WTF? Chapters?)
This reminds me of a great quote from my multivariable calculus professor. (http://ifs.massey.ac.nz/mathnews/NZMS88/benney.gif)


I have a problem when I travel on airplanes. People always want to talk to me - I don't know why, I guess they figure I look like a nice old guy or something. And they always ask what I do, and if I say "I'm a mathematician" I'm in trouble, because then they say "Oh really? My nephew is a math genius - he's 12 months old and can count to two!" And I try to be polite, but I really don't care. So now I say I'm an engineer, and when they ask what kind, I say "construction", and that shuts them up quick.

--D.J. Benney

[Cat Whisperer]

Yes, magical color-changing meat. :)
Ooh, I know - you make something for pee sticks!

We sure have a lot of high-falutin' occupations here.

[Furious_Marmot]

When I was studying Geology, I got a lot of:
"You dig up dinosaurs?"
That would be a poor use of class time that could be spent learning about the parts of Geology that don't get into movies.
"So you want to dig up dinosaurs?"
I really like them, but there's not much of career in it.
"You want to work in a museum? That's so boring."
See dinosaur comments. Please stop going to museums and annoying the people who do like them.

Occasionally, I'd get:
"So, you want to explore ruins like Indiana Jones?"
Again, sounds like fun, but he was an Archeologist. Different root word and all.

Once in a great while I got:
"So, you want to live with, like, a tribe and wear a gourd on your wang?"
That does not sound like quite as much fun. It also sounds like an Anthropologist. I think. Also, see root word thing.

When we were away at field camp (final 2 month outdoor lecture/practical exam/50 person drunken camping trip through the US Southwest) we were constantly asked:
"Found much gold/diamonds/oil/dinosaurs?"
Yup. So much, in fact, that we stopped collecting them. We ran out of room in the invisible tractor-trailer. Now I totally understand why you can't buy that stuff at Wal-Mart, there's no way they can make money on things that any idiot can get for free just by walking around.

And

"So, you're on a dig?"
Considering that we have no shovels or dental picks, that we are not crowded into a shallow, gridded-off hole and that digging up pot shards and dead people would be a really dumb way to get your last six Geology credits; why yes, we must be on a dig.

Now that I work for an energy company I hear a lot of:
"So, you read the meters on houses?"
No, that's a power company. We find the natural gas and sell it to pipeline companies, who sell it to the utilities."
Then I usually get Oredigger77's questions, with the same answers.
"You must get to fill up your car really cheap, then."
No, the stuff in cars is gasoline. And why would I get a discount at the Shell station?

But the best ones are when I tell people I used to deliver pizza:
"Did you make a lot of, you know, special deliveries? Wink wink, nudge nudge. *smoking gestures and sound effects*
Dude, I didn't just deliver it, I grew it in the trunk of my car. Doesn't everybody call complete strangers at a fast food franchise when they need some dope?

"Did you make a lot of, you know, special deliveries? Wink wink, nudge nudge. *salacious leer*"
All the time. You would not believe the number of smokin' hot lonely housewives/sorority sisters/bored rich girls who place phony orders in the hope that a random sweaty, grease and cheese encrusted, cash-strapped college kid will step out of his shuddering, blue smoke spewing deathtrap with wheels and step into her naughtiest fantasies. There's even a code. Extra cheese? No problem. Canadian bacon and pineaple? You wild thing, you. Extra pepperoni? Sorry, I don't swing that way.

[Illuminatiprimus]

Either we're all incredibly clever or we all talk to some really really stupid people. Probably the truth is somewhere in between the two.

I used to tell people I was a policy advisor but after getting so many :confused: faces I switched to saying I work at the Department for Education and Skills/Children Schools and Families (Dept name changed last year). The number of people who ask me if my job involves working with children boggles my mind, not because it's necessarily a huge jump of logic (especially now with the children schools and families name) but it suggests a fundamental and wide-spread lack of understanding in the population as to how central government functions and what it involves.

The worst one was when I described my current position to someone in a fair amount of detail for her to then say at the end of it "So you're like a social worker?" I think that says more about her than people in general though.

The least fun I had was when someone asked me what I did and I was (at the time) working for the Minister for Schools as one of his private secretaries - she was a teacher. Never have I been made to feel so personally responsible for someone else's problems in all my life.

[Lobsang]

"Parimutuel tote Wagering Hub Manager"


"Oh, what do you do?"


<sigh>


edit: I guess it's stupid of people to ask what I do, because I might actually tell them. And then they would be a tiny little bit stupider afterwards.

[WhyNot]

Either we're all incredibly clever or we all talk to some really really stupid people. Probably the truth is somewhere in between the two.
L'esprit d'escalier, my friend, l'esprit d'escalier (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L'esprit_de_l'escalier).

[Furious_Marmot]

tout à fait

[put down the sabre]

I'm in philosophy. People's responses usually involve:

(1) thinking I want to hear about their experiences in philosophy.

(2) mistaking literature/psychology or whatever for philosophy.

"Oh, I did a course on James Joyce's view of Ireland and Freud. What do you think about that?"

I think you should sod off.

A friend of mine (very pretentiously) tells people he's a mathematician. Partly because we ency 'real' academic disciplines, and partly because people shut up, he says.

put down the sabre

[lizardling]

nevah mind /Emily Litella

[MsWhatsit]

I index books.

"Oh, wow...I thought that was all done by computer."

It's okay, though, because I used to think the same thing myself.

[liberty3701]

I'm a linguist. A sociophonetician to be exact, but I don't use that term, usually.

When I say linguist, I either get a blank stare or asked how many languages I speak (my response: either "I barely speak English!" or "All of them") or "I better watch my grammar!" (no, you twit, if everyone spoke standard English, I'd be out of a job). No one has yet to make a "cunning linguist" joke to me yet, but I hope someone does so I can answer, leeringly, "I minor in fellatio." Or they think I'm a speech therapist.

Sometimes I say I study dialects of English. Again, the blank stare, or, my favorite, "Guess where I'm from!" I mean, I wish I was good enough to do that, but I don't have an encyclopedic knowledge of every dialect of English. Yet.

Occasionally, I tell someone in linguistics that I do socio, and they tell me I'm not a real linguist. *Sigh*

[Drain Bead]

I'm a Public Defender. Invariably, when people find that out, they say something along the lines of "Wow, how can you defend people who you know are guilty?"

Apparently, constitutional protections are only for the Good Guys.

[Drain Bead]

I'm a linguist. A sociophonetician to be exact, but I don't use that term, usually.

When I say linguist, I either get a blank stare or asked how many languages I speak (my response: either "I barely speak English!" or "All of them") or "I better watch my grammar!" (no, you twit, if everyone spoke standard English, I'd be out of a job). No one has yet to make a "cunning linguist" joke to me yet, but I hope someone does so I can answer, leeringly, "I minor in fellatio." Or they think I'm a speech therapist.

Sometimes I say I study dialects of English. Again, the blank stare, or, my favorite, "Guess where I'm from!" I mean, I wish I was good enough to do that, but I don't have an encyclopedic knowledge of every dialect of English. Yet.

Occasionally, I tell someone in linguistics that I do socio, and they tell me I'm not a real linguist. *Sigh*

One of my best friends is a linguist. He gets the "cunning linguist" thing all the time. He's gay, and the joke is still not funny.

[Cunctator]

As an actuary, the usual response is simply "what's that?"

[fisha]

fisha, what do you do? TheKid is super interested in weather, especially tornadoes.

I'm a building contractor, and a roof inspector. I typically work with homeowners and insurance companies after storms, natural disasters, or fires.

In my quirky moments, I call myself a 'stormchaser.' But even if call myself a contractor, there is still mass confusion because I am female.

Oh, so you work for a contractor?

Oh, you are the office help?

You get up on roofs?

A lot of times I just avoid the conversation.

Here's a great site for your kid. Has tons of different information about weather all over the US. Should take him years to process all of it.

http://www.spc.noaa.gov/

[Koxinga]

As an actuary, the usual response is simply "what's that?"

You never get "so tell me how long do I have to live, ha ha ha?"

[PaulParkhead]

See, that one doesn't strike me as a stupid question. I've been of legal drinking age for close to 30 years, and I've been in a lot of bars. When I was young and single, I'd go out to bars four or more times a week. I've visited a lot of bars in my time. And in all of those visits I've never seen anybody thrown out of a bar. My group was asked to leave once (we were harassing a bartender for not having closed captioning turned on and he got pissed at us), and I've been present one other time I can recall where someone was asked politely to leave.

Based on my personal experience, I would guess a bartender throwing someone out of a bar is probably as common as a cop shooting at someone. Perhaps I don't drink in the kind of bar you tended.

Well, it's not like I had to toss people out every night or anything, but it was common enough that I wouldn't find it remarkable. I'm not sure a cop could say the same about shooting at someone.

Of course, asking problem customers to leave would be the first step, and most do so relatively peacefully. But not always, and the worst offenders were guys who got cut off, as if yelling in my face and threatening violence would get me to serve them more booze.

The bars were both in Scotland (Glasgow specifically). One was in a not-great part of town, the other downtown. Neither would be considered to be a particularly rough pub by locals.

[matt_mcl]

When people hear that I'm a translator, they either:

1) ask me if I work for the United Nations (no, and they usually mean as an interpreter, which is also a no, but more strongly)

2) guess what languages I translate into and out of, incorrectly (it's the most obvious one, people: I translate from one official language of this country into the other, with the target language being my first language, i.e. the one I can write properly in)

3) share with me their deep, penetrating insight into the arcana of the translating profession: that you must translate the sense of the text, not necessarily render it word for word. THANK YOU. In eight years of translation work and two professional diploma courses, I never came across that pearl of insight before.

[Cunctator]

You never get "so tell me how long do I have to live, ha ha ha?"Occasionally, yes.

[BluePitbull]

"Veterinarians are scared of blood" this statement was from a dental student. He still would not believe it after I corrected him. don't know where he got that idea. :rolleyes:

[Noel Prosequi]

I'm a Public Defender. Invariably, when people find that out, they say something along the lines of "Wow, how can you defend people who you know are guilty?"

Apparently, constitutional protections are only for the Good Guys.


I'm a prosecutor and I get that one. It usually takes a while, and some careful explaining, in words of one syllable or less, why it makes no sense to put the question to me in those terms. With those people, going one step further and trying to explain the law's approach to defending the guilty is like trying to teach a pig to sing.

[Noel Prosequi]

When people hear that I'm a translator, they either:

..snip..

3) share with me their deep, penetrating insight into the arcana of the translating profession: that you must translate the sense of the text, not necessarily render it word for word. THANK YOU. In eight years of translation work and two professional diploma courses, I never came across that pearl of insight before.

Surprisingly, I come across the reverse - a lot of lawyers insist that interpretation/translation should be an exact word-for-word substitution, like a child's code puzzle, apparently in the belief that allowing interpreters any room for creativity risks inaccuracy. And some think that "translation" means a word-for-word substitution, but "interpretation" means taking some licence. (As I understand it, in the trade, translation refers to documents and interpretation refers to spoken words.)

It takes some effort to point to the vast array of colloquial phrases in English which are not literally translatable (eg, "Bruce was trying to sleep with Shiela but he kept beating around the bush for so long that Shiela lost it and gave Bruce a piece of her mind") before it dawns that there is not a one-to-one mapping from words in one language to words in another. There seems to be a misperception that one-to-one mapping is the rule, and any exceptions are rarities to be dealt with on a one-off basis. Unfortunately, it turns out that there are more exceptions than rule.

"Unfortunately" is of course the wrong word - it is the effervescence of language (which prevents literality) that is the source of its charm.

[Koxinga]

Ah, zee French, they say, a translation is like a woman, the faithful one, she is rarely beautiful and the beautiful one, she is rarely faithful.

Bet you never heard THAT one before, either.

[Faruiza]

Sheesh. I can hardly wait to begin school in the fall to become a pharmacist. Yippee. The questions I'm sure I'll get.
Shall I just tattoo on my forehead now that I can't get the good stuff? Or that I can't get it for free? Gah.

[nikenik2069]

Or you tell people you're a 911 dispatcher and they say, "So you, like, answer phones?" Hell, no, when it starts ringing I grab a big stick and hit it until it stops.

(There's a chicken in the hallway at my new job. Seriously.)


I don't believe you!!! Seriously??? When you gunna call by the way???? we are here from 11 to 7!!!!

[Mahna Mahna]

I majored in Bioethics in university. Glad I gave that up... most people mistook it for Biology or figured I was working my way to an MD.

(no and no... in fact, Bioethics is taught by the department of philosophy and does not require any Biology credits to acquire a degree, and it happens to be a profession in and of itself because someone has to stop some over-enthusiastic doctors from going all Mengele)

Of course, process design isn't really an easy thing to explain either. Most people seem to think I'm a programmer, for some odd reason (which is funny, because I can't code to save my life).

[Solfy]

Ooh, I know - you make something for pee sticks!

We sure have a lot of high-falutin' occupations here.

Only if you pee on your sunglasses. :)

[TroubleAgain]

I'm in IT (Operations). People either think I can fix their stupid PC problems, or else think I do data entry.

[Wile E]

Certified Veterinary Technician, I get several responses;

1) "Oh, so you're a Veterinarian?"

No, Veterinary Technician, sort of like a Registered Nurse, but for animals (and not really because we are actually more like a nurse, a surgical tech, a radiology tech, a lab tech, a pharmacy tech and a dental hygienist all in one and we have to learn all this in the same 2 years that an RN learns to be an RN.)

2) "Oh, I love animals but I could never deal with sick pets/putting them to sleep."

There is a difference between loving animals and actually wanting to help them. And, fortunately, we don't put them all to sleep.

3) "What could be wrong with my cat/dog/bird/rabbit/guinea pig/hedgehog/etc. it's been ___________?"

I answer it if the answer is pretty obvious (like you cat is meowing a lot, rolling on the floor and sticking her butt in the air because she's in heat take her to a vet and get her spayed) but most of the time I just tell them again, I am not a vet but even a vet cannot diagnose your pet sight unseen, you need to take it to a vet.

4) Is usually asking about some kid they know who wants to be a vet and should they become a vet tech instead?

I don't mind this one so much. A lot of vet techs go on to vet school but many are happy staying vet techs. I attempted to go back to school to get in all the higher level math and chemistry that I needed if I wanted to apply to vet school and I made it through those courses but then I realized I was tired of going to school and I was happy as a vet tech.

This year will be a quarter of a century for me. Most of the vets I work with respect my opinions on cases but I don't propose to know it all and I still ask questions. Being a vet is a lot more education and responsibility. I am happy with not being the one with the burden of diagnosing and I can have fun just speculating on what the dx might be.

So my answer is if they know they want to work with animals but don't know if they really want to be a vet they could certainly try a vet tech school first. If they know without a doubt that they want to be a vet they should just go for it. In either case they should see if they can work at a vet clinic or animal shelter as a volunteer or employee to make sure they can handle all the icky aspects of dealing with sick animals first because it's not all cute puppies and kittens. The experience will help them know if it's really for them.

[greatshakes]

I also hear this one a lot (I'm an engineer in the intelligence community). My standard response is, "Or if you prefer, I could give you a hint, and then kick your ass".

A common reaction to hearing I'm an engineer is, "Can you fix my computer?" I wish I had an equally good response to this one.
How about: "No, but I'm getting ready to fix your wagon."

greatshakes

[Chimera]

2) "Oh, I love animals but I could never deal with sick pets/putting them to sleep."

There is a difference between loving animals and actually wanting to help them. And, fortunately, we don't put them all to sleep.

But here at Mengele and Kervorkian Veterinary Services...

:eek:

[cowgirl]

I work in environmental public policy.

The "public policy" part bores people stupid, and the "environmental" part makes people expect me to defend any position they've ever heard any "environmentalist" take. (I know very little about climate change but am regularly expected to defend one "side" or another in the debate.) Either that or they expect me to listen to them rant for twenty minutes about the latest local environmental problem their community is facing, and tell them how to fix it, because surely it is the most important environmental issue anybody faces, anywhere, and our office should dedicate all our efforts to solving it.

[GameHat]

I'm an organizational consultant. If people ask for more detail, I explain that when a company wants to change its management system and use this program I'm an expert in, they call me to teach them how to use it. (SAP, for those who suffer it)

Oh, I use SAP every day.

And Lord, do I suffer.

I like to think that if the Book of Job had been written in modern times, Satan would have left all his other stuff intact. But he would have switched Job to SAP.

In this version though, I'm not sure Job would have had the fortitude to stick to his faith.