How soon did you know your SO was The One?

[pbbth]

My friend is getting married to a wonderful man in October. They make each other happy and they compliment one another in such a way that it is obvious they belong together. Never have I seen two people who fit together the way they do. She knew from their first date forward that they would spend the rest of their lives together and even called her mom that night and told her she had met the man she was going to marry.

I have another friend who knew the man she is engaged to was The One before she ever met him in person. They met playing WOW or City of Heroes, I can't remember which, and at the time she was dating another man that she truly cared about. But when she met her fiance online she knew her current relationship was over and drove 400 miles to meet her new man in person. They have been inseparable ever since.

I have been on many dates where I knew within a few moments that the person was NOT going to be someone I could spend my life with and I have met a few that I knew I wanted to get to know better but I have never had that immediate connection the way my friends and their SO's did. I like to think that when you meet that person you will spend your life with you just KNOW, but that seems a bit far fetched to me.

How soon did you know that your SO was going to be your spouse/life partner/etc.? Was it a mutual feeling or did one of you know long before the other that this relationship was meant to be permanent?

[kenobi 65]

Hard for me to recall exactly (we've been together for almost 19 years). Certainly within 6 months of the time we started seeing each other, maybe sooner.

[plnnr]

When she did that little trick with her tongue...I knew.

Within a few weeks of meeting I knew exactly where it was headed.

[Contrary]

I knew when I was waiting for his dog to poop (I was pet sitting while he went to South by Southwest). We'd been dating for about six weeks but I'd been refusing to date him for the previous three years.

[Whiteknight]

We were friends for a year and then one day it just clicked. We started dating and I knew I'd be with her for the long haul within the first week or two. That was seven years ago and our third anniversary is in a few weeks.

[Stainz]

When I was driving home from his place after our first real 'date' - we'd been hanging out casually for a couple of months, but this was the first time I'd been to his house. He cooked me a great dinner and we watched a couple of movies.

I drove home and while I was thinking about what a great night it had been, I started crying. I was just so happy that I'd found "the one" that it overwhelmed me to the point that I was in tears.

[suranyi]

My wife knew I was the one for her within three weeks of meeting me. I was sure about her after another month or so.

Ed

[Tastes of Chocolate]

6 years? My SO and I were in the same circle of friends, in college. We saw each other all the time. It wasn't until about 2 years after we had both graduated that we started dating, and then maybe another 6 months before I starting thinking about it as a permanent thing. There was never a moment of revelation. We've been together for over 16 years now.

[pbbth]

So based on this set of responses no one took longer than 6 months from their first date (not counting friendships formed before that time) to truly figure out that this was the person for them. Most of the people who have responded knew in less than 3 months time.

Now the other question I have is whether or not you had ever felt that way about anyone else before you went on that fateful first date with your one and only. Have you ever met anyone else and known within less than 3 months that you belonged together only to be proven wrong later?

[Whiteknight]

So based on this set of responses no one took longer than 6 months from their first date (not counting friendships formed before that time) to truly figure out that this was the person for them. Most of the people who have responded knew in less than 3 months time.

Now the other question I have is whether or not you had ever felt that way about anyone else before you went on that fateful first date with your one and only. Have you ever met anyone else and known within less than 3 months that you belonged together only to be proven wrong later?

Nope. There were people that I thought I might end up with, not because I knew that we were right for each other but because I thought it might just end up that way. No one else produced the same certainty as my wife.

[chowder]

When she did that little trick with her tongue...I knew.

Within a few weeks of meeting I knew exactly where it was headed.Heh, you said headed :D

[tdn]

To the first question, I pretty much knew right away. Within a couple of minutes. By the end of our 3rd date it was not only obvious to us but to everyone in a 50 mile radius.

Now the other question I have is whether or not you had ever felt that way about anyone else before you went on that fateful first date with your one and only. Have you ever met anyone else and known within less than 3 months that you belonged together only to be proven wrong later?
Yes, once. The batshit insane stuff surfaced right around 3 months in.

FTR, my One and Only celebrate our 2 month anniversary tomorrow.

[psycat90]

Within the first month of interacting with him I thought I knew. Before I actually met him face to face. In fact, I told my (shocked) sister before leaving to meet him that I was off to meet the man I was going to marry. He felt the same way.
When we did actually meet, we were certain and we were living together 5 months later.

As for the second question. Never. Not even close. I never had any desire to marry. I never had any desire to live with someone 'happily ever after.' I never felt like pursuing a relationship with any of the men or women I dated because they just were not it, whatever 'it' was. Actually, until I met my husband, I didn't really even believe in 'it'. I saw no reason to compromise on what I thought was such an important relationship when I was perfectly happy on my own.

[Queen Tonya]

We met online, figure 4 or 5 weeks of emailing, then IMing then daily phone calls before we actually met in person.

I remember giddily getting ready for my first date, my sister had stopped by for a sanity check as I'm not generally known for giddiness, and I told her then that this was the real thing. The first real date didn't feel like one, no nervous butterflies and awkward pauses, but more of a validation that I was right.

Naturally I kept that opinion to myself, it took him a few months to catch up to me. Two and a half years later we're still pretty twitterpated, living together and planning a wedding.

[kittenlm]

I didn't have a moment of revelation but I did know within the first few weeks. It took him a little longer to figure it out but I think that's because he was having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he was dating his best friend's little sister. :D

[TroubleAgain]

I think we both knew within 2-3 months. And no, I never felt that with anyone else.

[kenobi 65]

Now the other question I have is whether or not you had ever felt that way about anyone else before you went on that fateful first date with your one and only. Have you ever met anyone else and known within less than 3 months that you belonged together only to be proven wrong later?

Yup. Twice.

The first time, I could be excused for feeling that way -- I was 18, she was 32, and the sex was amazing. :) Didn't last, of course.

The second time, I was in grad school, and we were both deeply in love -- but she didn't feel like she could commit to me (i.e., she knew I was thinking about proposing) because she was planning on going to medical school, and didn't think it would be possible for her to both have a relationship and focus herself on her studies. So, she pre-emptively broke up with me before I could propose...that one hurt, for a very long time.

[SpartanDC]

It took a near break-up for both of us to know. I was having a hard time letting down some internal barriers (I was still stinging from an earlier breakup), and she nearly broke up with me. But the e-mail she sent me made me feel so sick to my stomach that I knew I had to win her back right away, so I left work in the middle of the day and showed up on her porch. (She still has the text message I sent her telling her I was waiting outside for her.) It's been nothing but growing closer and better ever since.

[Geek Mecha]

I met my SO 4 years ago playing an MMO. With him, it was evident from the start that this relationship was different. With others, there was always some deep-set anxiety over the whole thing-- Will this work? Is this even a good idea? But with my SO, it was never that kind of nervousness. It was more like, Is this really happening? How long can things stay this good?

There were many steps along the way where for anyone else I would've stopped and asked myself if it was a good idea to do what I was doing. But for him, it was always the right thing to do. It was right to send him a letter and my picture. It was right to give him my phone number. It was right to meet up with him and his friends for the weekend. It was right to move in together. Some steps were leaps of faith that they were good ideas, but they all proved to be good ideas.

Based on conversations, it was the same for him.

[Jackknifed Juggernaut]

When she told me.

...Of course, that didn't work out so well.

[gaffa]

My wife and I met because of a shared interest - both huge Kate Bush fans. But we found we were perfectly suited for each other very quickly. We both love movies - normal enough, but we both love sitting right up front. We both love to read - again, common enough, but we both always need something to read while eating.

Our first movie date was "48 Hours", and we both enjoyed this big action comedy. But the real clincher was at my apartment. "The Elephant Man" was on HBO. By the end, we were both blubbering wrecks. She tells me that this was when she knew we were destined for each other.

[suranyi]

I met my SO 4 years ago playing an MMO. With him, it was evident from the start that this relationship was different. With others, there was always some deep-set anxiety over the whole thing-- Will this work? Is this even a good idea? But with my SO, it was never that kind of nervousness. It was more like, Is this really happening? How long can things stay this good?

There were many steps along the way where for anyone else I would've stopped and asked myself if it was a good idea to do what I was doing. But for him, it was always the right thing to do. It was right to send him a letter and my picture. It was right to give him my phone number. It was right to meet up with him and his friends for the weekend. It was right to move in together. Some steps were leaps of faith that they were good ideas, but they all proved to be good ideas.

Based on conversations, it was the same for him.

You put it very well. Four weeks after we met, the woman who would become my wife told me that she was in love with me. Now, every relationship book in the world will tell you that that's one of the biggest no-no's around -- "It's way too soon, you'll scare him off," etc. But it was fine for us because, and I don't know a better way to say it, we were meant to be together.

Ed

[phil417]

It's a long story, so bear with me:

I'd put an abusive marriage, then an abusive relationship behind me. One night I stayed up all night reading Vitamin C for the Soul, I prayed, "Lord, if you've a mate for me, send him, and keep me from getting stupid until he shows up."

A few days later, our pastor (at the time he was about 60 yrs old) told us, "A young guy will be here next week. Let's welcome him back." At the time, I was thinking he would be about my kids' ages. Larry showed up. His bro-in-law, who attended our church, had a gospel group. Larry played bass. Said gospel group played at a church picnic. I tried to check out the bass player; he kept his head down, but he did have a nice butt.

A few weeks later, we were thrown together; (Moms Mabley: "That ol' man was so ugly he hurt mah feelings."). Larry wasn't much to look at (from the front), but he showed a wonderfly dry sense of humor. As I got to know him better, I saw that he could be a wonderful friend. More? One night, I sat in front of him at worship. As we sat down, him behind me, he told me, "I'll always have your back."

I believe when the Holy Spirit speaks, I'd better listen. Larry & I married six months after we met. He's the first man I've ever really trusted, and in eleven years (coming up on 6/14), he's the only man I've ever trusted to have my back.

I'll love that man until I die.

Love, Phil

[twickster]

... Two and a half years later we're still pretty twitterpated, living together and planning a wedding.
Sweetie! Yay! **hugs Queen Tonya and the handsome prince**

(We have an hour-long IM conversation catching up on shit and you forget to mention this?!??!?!)

[panache45]

Immediately, for both of us.

It was only supposed to be anonymous sex, but within minutes the "anonymous" disappeared, and we both had the same feeling of "oh-god-I-hope-he-feels-the-same-way-I-do." It started with our bodies plugging into each other, with a perfect fit. And it wasn't long before we realized our minds and souls would fit the same way. That was 20.5 years ago, and I'm still amazed that he feels the same way I do.

[Avarie537]

After our first date, I was totally excited and thrilled to be getting to know him. Three and a half weeks later, I knew I was in love. He knew he was in love the next day. Four weeks later, he proposed - completely spontaneously. We both just knew it was right. We'll celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary on Monday.

And no, I had never felt like that before. I was only 19!

[freekalette]

Not the first time we met, as I hadn't eaten all day and my sgar was low, leading me to be a cranky, half-drunken bitch who scarfed her food and left before she could puke in front of the new (HAWT) guy.

The next time I saw him, it was at a party. Every single other person miraculously disappeared - I honest to God think they had an orgy in the hostesses bedroom - and left Joe and I alone in the living room. We talked to each other a little bit....okay we talked a lot. We spent about three hours talking to each other, and didn't even notice when the other guests came back and resumed partying. "Wow," thinks I, "He's cute and fun to talk to, and seems really smart! Every guy I meet for the rest of my life will pale in comparison to him."

It took us several months to officially begin dating, though. We were both gun shy, so we both preened and threw lots of meaningful glances at each other, before he finally got up the courage to ask me out. Both of us were amazed (and happily so!) that the other one felt the same way, and we've been inseperable ever since.

[GilaB]

My husband and I met on a blind date. Date one was pleasant, but nothing amazingly wonderful. I had an inkling that something serious was going on during our second date, and after our third hanging out (I don't think it qualified as a technical date) the next evening, I couldn't eat or sleep for the next couple of days, I was so overwhelmed. I was pretty sure I'd marry him after four weeks, and as sure as one could ever be after six.

He took months longer, FWIW, but we're coming up on our second wedding anniversary.

[fervour]

I'm the odd one ---as usual. I wasn't sure he was the one until about 2 years after we'd been living together. We both had some growing we needed to do. As a matter of fact I can easily see how things might have turned out differently had either of us not matured together.

It wasn't a sudden thing either. It was more like two vines entwining until after awhile you don't wonder, "Can I separate those two vines?" You think, "I thought there were two vines, but that's just one big plant."

For the record, We met August 4, 1996. He moved in April of 1997. And we both know it's for good.

[What Exit?]

I knew within weeks of our first date. I suspected strongly before that.

I already knew her from a few environmental things we did together. She was my type with long brunette hair and great legs and very cute. She was intelligent and knowledgeable. She was a trained engineer working as a programmer. We shared a passion for the environment and were both tech oriented. We had similar music tastes and she had beautiful soulful brown eyes that I melted into.

I dated few girls before her, but she was my first love.

I couldn’t wait to see her, one evening early on, I took my parents to the symphony for their anniversary and part way through I called my girl to see if I could meet her after I dropped my parents back off at home. I ran up to Hoboken and I think we went into the city that night. Yep, I knew she was the one rather quick.

Jim (Now of course we are an older married couple with two kids and get on each other’s nerves, but I still love her very much. I do miss those early feelings of fresh love though. )

[pepperlandgirl]

I've always had serial crushes--and for the duration of the crush, I was head over heels. This began in 2nd grade, when I fixated on a boy in my class, and just continued right up until very recently. So when I began chatting with my future husband online, it wasn't a big surprise for me to develop a crush on him. We met online in April 1998, but began chatting regularly in June 1998. I was in love by July. I was 15. I had never met him face to face. Everybody told me I wasn't in love, it was just a childish crush, like the dozens I had before, and to get over it. But man, I wasn't listening. I had never been so in love in my (admittedly short) life. By the time I did meet him in September, I knew he was mine. There's just no other way to describe it.

We'll be married seven years on 6/18.

[KSO]

This will sound incredibly stupid, but I knew the first time he kissed me. I don't believe in soul mates or "the one" but when he kissed me, everything else just disappeared. It was like I'd been waiting my whole life for that kiss. I know how dopey that sounds but there you go. Of course, I doubted the whole thing for a couple of months but by month three, we were both sure.

[Clothahump]

I knew SWMBO originally as just a parent of one of my students. Her marriage broke up about 4 months after her son started. Mine broke up about a year later.

One day, we talked to each other outside of our roles as parent and instructor. We haven't stopped talking since. In 5 days, we will celebrate our 182nd anniversary (I do them monthly - it's about the only way I can keep a step ahead of her :D ).

[Dolukhanova]

My first day of grad school, I attended a law school class, although I was not then in law school. I noticed my soon-to-be-husband across the room and thought he was kind of cute. Towards the end of the class, he made some observations about the nature of the state. I fell in love with him as soon as I heard him speak.

That night, a friend asked me how my first day of graduate school had gone and I told her that I had met the man I was going to marry. I meant it, too, although we didn't actually meet until the next time that class met. We were married five months later.

Unfortunately, he died several years ago, but while he was alive, I never felt a second's doubt that we would be together for the rest of our lives. I have certainly never felt anything like that before or since.

[Siam Sam]

This has come up before. As mentioned, the wife and I met as grad students at the U of Hawaii (just like Obama's parents :D ). We've tried to think back and remember, but there seems to be no particular point in time that we can recall. At some point in our 2-1/2 years there, it became assumed that we would get married, but neither of us remembers the subject being broached originally, and there was certainly no formal popping of the question.

Actually, we did not start dating until the end of our first school year, so we were not actually together 2-1/2 years in Hawaii. A year after we started dating, at the end of our second school year I took her to the mainland for the first time. I still had close relatives to introduce her to. By that time, it must have been decided. So within a year. Say .... six months then maybe?

[Madd Maxx]

Since we only knew each other for about 3 months before we got married I guess it was rather quickly. It sure doesn't seem like it has been 10 years already though.

[Misnomer]

It took about 10 months for me to feel that I wanted to live with him, so I guess that's when. Though it was another 2-4 months before we started making jokes about "forever" (e.g., "Great, I get to put up with you tweaking my nose for the rest of my life..."), and another 8 months before I actually moved in with him. I think he followed roughly the same timeline as me, but I didn't really know that he felt as strongly about me until he gave me a pair of diamond stud earrings for my graduation last month. From him, that's as good as an engagement ring. :)

To answer the OP's second question, I have never felt that anyone else was "the one." I've never even wanted to live with anyone before. I'm 36, and this 1.5-year relationship is the longest one I've ever had -- and absolutely the most serious.

[tesseract]

I told him the day after I met him that I was falling in love with him. At the time, I was extremely unavailable. I was in a career incompatible with any type of relationship, and one that I thought I would be in for a long long time, and which entailed traveling and living in a different country (I was only back for a quick visit when I met him). So I didn't feel like I had anything to lose by saying that to him. I certainly wasn't planning to be with him. But that's how I felt. Well, he felt that way too...though he didn't say that. I don't remember what he said - I wasn't looking for a response.

In his first email to me, after we had spent as much of four days together (but no nights) as possible, he told me he thought we should get married. I didn't think it was odd at all. I thought so too but it seemed not doable. He wore me down and we got married four months after we met. We are as happy as can be and everyone says we are meant for each other, perfect for each other, et cetera. I can't imagine being without him. Now we've known each other a little more than a year -- I know it hasn't been that long in chronological time -- but it feels just like destiny. I had never ever felt that way about anyone before, and I was 34 when we got married.

[Dangerosa]

Brainiac4 and I met in high school. We spent 11 years in the same circle of friends, I got married and divorced, both of us dated a lot of other people. After eleven years we started dating. Figuring we'd either be together forever, or blow up fantastically after about three months, he kept his apartment when he moved in with me, labeled all the CDs he brought into the house, and prepared for the mushroom cloud. After three months, no mushroom cloud and we got engaged sometime after that. Twelve years and counting.

But yes, I married "the One" earlier, who by the time I married him I knew he wasn't "the One." But I was sure of it early on. And I don't really believe in "the One" - I believe there is more than one person out there for everyone, but matches are a minority, it isn't just anyone will do.

[Leaffan]

After 13 years of marriage, I'm still not convinced of it................

[lavenderviolet]

I think it would be interesting if you could revisit the people posting in this thread, say, 10 years from now and see how many of us still think the person we are talking about in this thread really is/was "The One". ;)
I'm a cynic at heart, and I definitely think those awesome infatuation chemicals make it very, very easy to fool yourself about this one being the one and this time being different than all the others. Most people don't get married expecting to get divorced, after all.

But, yeah, I do think my current man may indeed be The One in a way that I never truly believed about any of the guys before him.

We were close friends for several years, and from my perspective it was completely platonic. I think there was a period where he would have liked to have started something romantic but I wasn't ready to think of him in "That Way" at all and ran from it. I was still going through my "ignore the nice guy and pursue the obnoxious jerks" phase that most young women go through.
Then, I went through a very serious personal crisis and he was one of the only people who was there for me and expressed his concern/compassion. I guess that was a bit of an awakening. It drove home for me that he was the real deal - truly one of the most honorable, decent, and kind people I know. The jerks wouldn't be there when times were tough - but I knew my dear, sweet friend would be.
I think that's when I began to suspect he was "The One" but it took several more months to finally admit my feelings to him. Then it took a few more months of dating for us to be convinced it was really going to last. Now we're starting to carefully talk about the possibility of a future together.

Another thing that makes me think he's really The One is simply that he brings out the best in me. In a lot of my past attempts at relationships, I found myself frequently wrestling with being jealous, insecure, etc. But he never gives me any reason to doubt him - or to doubt myself when I'm with him. It just seems like a natural fit when we're together - no need for drama or struggles; it just works all by itself.
I hope I still feel that way 10 years from now! :)

[What Exit?]

I think it would be interesting if you could revisit the people posting in this thread, say, 10 years from now and see how many of us still think the person we are talking about in this thread really is/was "The One". ;)
...
I hope I still feel that way 10 years from now! :)
I've been with my SO 16 years now and still think so. So can I be exempt?

[Dangerosa]

I've been with my SO 16 years now and still think so. So can I be exempt?

I wonder what the exemption point is? Probably death with both spouses still believing in "the One" - or at least still being in love. Every so often you hear of someone who gets served divorce papers out of no where after 20+ years of marriage.

I think there are a few danger points along the way - anytime in the first few years, when kids are toddlers, when kids are teenagers, after a tragedy (an amazing percentage of marriages don't make it through the death of a child, some people don't manage to stick through sickness, or financial stress), when the kids leave - and you look at each other after 20 years and wonder what you are going to talk about for the rest of your life. Sometimes it just takes ONE STUPID THING. Like an ill thought out fling - or rather a "not thought out at all" fling. And yes, there are people who "never would." And I don't think either I or Brainiac4 ever would. But I've been wrong before, and I only get to control the actions of one of us.

[Siam Sam]

I think it would be interesting if you could revisit the people posting in this thread, say, 10 years from now and see how many of us still think the person we are talking about in this thread really is/was "The One". ;)

I hope I still feel that way 10 years from now! :)
Well, it's already been quite a bit more than 10 years for us, and we both still feel that way. Good luck to you; hope it's the same. :)

[olivesmarch4th]

He loves me in ways nobody else does or could ever hope to. I've dated guys who notice I'm silly and think it's charming, who become infatuated even with the part of me that is weird. But he takes it further than this, he embraces this part of me and takes it on as a part of himself.

The first time I realized this, he was my best friend and I was IMing him and I was feeling very, very down.

He said, ''I wish I were there right now. If so, I'd give you a great big hug.''

Things were kind of starting to get unconsciously romantic between us so I replied, ''If you did that, I'd melt into a little puddle on the floor.''

His response took aeons, and he later told me he hesitated to respond because he knew what it would mean to me, to us. He said,

''Then I would scoop you into a container and wait until you re-solidified and hug you all over again.''

Today, almost exactly six years later, while we were driving home through Canada, he squeezed my knee and said, ''Look at that giant creature walking through the field.'' The tree was indeed a giant creature walking through the field, with one of its branches up like a leg about to step forward. He pointed this out to me because he knew it would bring me joy -- but more than that, it brought him joy. I know that he sees the world differently because of me.

There is no other one.

[squeegee]

Because she's my sweetie! No others can qualify. 19 years together, last week.

Seriously... we went through some rough waters a couple-three years ago. I recall looking for an apartment at the time. We got through that after a lot of work, and, as far as I know, its all good right now. Until I find out different, and we'll work through it again. As many times as it takes.

Being "tight" isn't something that happens and then you're done. It happens every damned day. Your relationship is strong, or it isn't and needs work. More often the latter, and that's a natural thing, and you work it as hard as you need to. As long as both parties are willing to do the hard work, it can usually be worked out. When one of you loses faith, that's when things go south.

[Cat Whisperer]

Jim and I had one of those wonderful first dates, too, where we were never nervous or searching desperately for something to say, which is funny, because we're both quiet people, but we never run out of things to say to each other. Our next dates were just as comfortable, with us discovering that we were compatible in just about every way (he has a crazy idea that Kirk was the better captain, but other than that, we're good).

I think what really solidified it for me, though, was when I was drifting in bed one night, and for some reason imagined that Jim was dead, and I was at his funeral - my grief was overwhelming. I don't think that's the usual way of realizing how much you love someone, but it worked for me. I think that was about three months - I don't really remember. Six year wedding anniversary this August (eight years since we met last January).

ETA: Forgot to address the second part - I thought I was in love before, but it was just, "He'll do." It was nowhere near this kind of deep compatibility.

[Greta]

I always know in a minute or so whether I will ever like someone or not.
I've never known someone for awhile and then became interested. I guess it saves time.
As for my SO. I knew before we spoke. I'd seen him a few times and just knew. So much so I started using his last name for non important papers.
Took him a bit longer; after his psychic friend told him, you two will be together for certain.

[evangelinagirl]

Eight months ago my life changed dramatically.

I met him on a BDSM site. Very atypical. Within our first chat I knew he was the most unique man with whom I had ever chatted. Our first meeting was amazing. I had to resist the urge to hug him, although we kept finding ways to touch one another.

We actually talked in my car, long after the bookstore had closed. I suppose it was about four in the morning when we finally parted. I didn't want the night to end.

I knew within one month of seeing him that I wanted him in my life on a permanent basis. I actually collared him. Which is to say that I took him as my submissive, lover and friend. It was the most natural thing I could have done. (And many of us on this thread talk about the sense of rightness that exists in these unions. It exists in ours, too.)

With him there is a sense of someone who knows me, all of me and accepts it. I don't pretend with him. I don't deny who I am. He knows me so well, he can just about tell you what I am thinking. It is a deep, spiritual connection that transcends this world. I don't want to speak for him, but we want to experience as much of the human condition together that we can.

He has inspired me to return to writing, painting and singing. He has helped me find the me that had been buried in past toxic relationships.

When you have someone in your life who stimulates you intellectually, accepts you unconditionally (inner freak and all), understands your spirituality, turns you on physically and complements you in nearly every way you can imagine, then count yourself blessed.

My life with him has been the most amazing thing. I love him now, today, forever and always. And yes, we are planning to get married.

Congratulations to all those on this thread. Your stories are inspiring and life-affirming.

[olivesmarch4th]

I think what really solidified it for me, though, was when I was drifting in bed one night, and for some reason imagined that Jim was dead, and I was at his funeral - my grief was overwhelming. I don't think that's the usual way of realizing how much you love someone, but it worked for me.

That reminds me of one of my greatest ''a-ha'' moments with my husband, who was then just my buddy. We were in college, and I was trying to figure out how I felt about him. The part I could figure out was that he was indispensable to my life, but I wasn't sure if that included romance.

I let myself daydream a bit, and thought of him there by my side through the remainder of college, just friends. I imagined us hanging out together and doing all sorts of fun shit and it seemed just perfect, completely platonic. Well, I thought, Maybe we are just meant to be friends.

Then I daydreamed a bit more, and imagined him meeting another girl. I saw them fall in love and get married, and though I always held a special place in his heart, I realized that I was no longer the most important woman in his life. My mild-mannered, easy-going self experienced the most profound pang of jealousy and loss I have ever felt in my life, and I stood there in my mind waving a metaphorical broken beer bottle at the woman and screaming hysterically that she better back the fuck off or I'd cut her. (I'm not a violent or jealous person, I'm just sort of trying to underscore the sense of desperation I felt in that moment.) I realized that life would inevitably pull us apart unless I committed to him.

And that's pretty much how I figured out that I loved him in that way. A future without him was unfathomable.

So I see what you're getting at.