Nicknames you've given to strangers

[vivalostwages]

I'll share a few that my walking partner and I have come up with. We've walked around our neighborhood streets so many times that we were bound to find a few people we had to nickname.

Cell Phone Girl: You never see her without it.

Unfriendly Baby, Now Known as Unfriendly Toddler: his dad is nice, his mom is stand-offish, and Baby takes after mom. He'd glare at us from his stroller but would never smile, and he still doesn't.

Pointy Stick Guy: Nice fellow--we know where he lives but not his name. He carries a pointy stick in case of hostile dogs.

Street-Cleaning Lady: This woman methodically cleans the city tree's nasty, sharp little seed pod things out of the street twice a day. It's a losing battle.

Squatter: Actually, he's a homeowner. It's just that he's always squatting in his yard like a little frog when he's using the hose.

Jammie Man: This one is truly a mystery. He's an elderly fellow who is often seen standing on the front porch of a house--we don't know if he lives there--in his jammies, or sometimes in a t-shirt and jeans. He's always talking to a guy we can see who stands just inside the screen door. We cannot figure out if the older guy lives there and why he goes outside to talk, or if he's coming from somewhere around the cul-de-sac and doesn't mind who sees him in his jammies.

Please share with the group if you've got some nicknames to contribute from your neck of the woods.

[3acresandatruck]

Bucket Guy: I don't see him anymore. I didn't name him. As far as I could tell, everyone in South St. Louis knew who you were talking about when you mentioned bucket guy. He was there as long as I could remember, walking along Gravois. I'd see him anywhere along the section from Chippewa to Cherokee, walking with these great strides, carrying the bucket. I'd swear he wore the same clothes till they wore off of him; you'd see him with pants that had the legs eroded halfway up his calves, and a shirt in equivalent disrepair. He was a big, rangy guy with a buzzjob haircut and the kind of tan you get from being outside all the time for decades.

[BrotherCadfael]

Water Bottle Guy:Always run across him on the bike path: In-line skates, shorts, no shirt, water bottle in his right hand.

[Lavender Falcon]

Snot-nosed Girl: A young woman in her early twenties who either has allergies or sinus problems and apparently doesn't know what Kleenex is. She sat next to me on the bus a couple of times and constantly snorted up snot the whole ride in. I tried to work up the courage to pointedly hand her a tissue, but decided that if someone don't know how to blow their nose by that age, they're a lost cause. Took care never to sit next to her again.

Farting Man: This guy stepped square on my foot when he got off the bus (without noticing or apologizing). Then he farted in my face. I avoid him too.

Snake-eyed Frankenstein Guy: So named because he sleeps with his eyes open (snakes don't have eyelids). It's very creepy to see someone sitting on the bus, eyes rolled up into their head and twitching. I'm sure he's a very nice, normal person, and I realize he has no control over this, but he kind of creeps me out. Even when he's awake, he has sort of a vacant expression on his face.

Panda Guy: I have no idea why he's Panda Guy. Maybe because he's got black hair and white, pasty skin and he's round like a panda bear? He's always wearing a purple jacket.

Mean Selfish Woman: She sits in the aisle seat so she doesn't have to share a seat unless the bus fills up. Nobody else does this, even though everybody hopes they don't have to share.

Really Mean Selfish Woman: She does the same thing, except when the bus fills up and someone has to say "excuse me" to get her to move over so they can sit, she looks up and glares at them like they have typhoid, and how dare they ask her to move over? Then she makes a big huffing fuss about sliding over. Her only saving grace is that she doesn't work for my company. Can you imagine having to work with such a nasty, bitter person?

I can only imagine the nicknames my fellow bus-riders have for me.

[River Hippie]

Bucket Guy: I don't see him anymore. I didn't name him. As far as I could tell, everyone in South St. Louis knew who you were talking about when you mentioned bucket guy. He was there as long as I could remember, walking along Gravois. I'd see him anywhere along the section from Chippewa to Cherokee, walking with these great strides, carrying the bucket. I'd swear he wore the same clothes till they wore off of him; you'd see him with pants that had the legs eroded halfway up his calves, and a shirt in equivalent disrepair. He was a big, rangy guy with a buzzjob haircut and the kind of tan you get from being outside all the time for decades.

Had a similar guy here that I called Walkman because you'd see him walking all over the place, in various parts of the city. He wore a ratty old nylon parka until it was really hot. Longish hair that looked like it was cut by someone with no clue as to how to cut hair. Tall thin and I think maybe autistic based on his reaction the one time I tried to say hello. No idea what happened to him, haven't seen him in years.
No bucket though.

[N. Sane]

My Bucket Guy is frequently to be seen sitting on an overturned bucket thingie and pulling weeds out of his lawn, and throwing them into another bucket thingie.

[3acresandatruck]

Snot-nosed Girl
Farting Man
Snake-eyed Frankenstein Guy
Panda Guy
Mean Selfish Woman
Really Mean Selfish Woman
I can only imagine the nicknames my fellow bus-riders have for me. For a moment, I was thinking, "man, I don't want to ride on that bus!". Then I realized, at least you don't have Knife-Wielding Decapitating Cannibal Guy on your bus. As far as we know.

[GorillaMan]

Dog-Woman - a classic case of owners looking like their pets. In this case, big floppy-jowled overweight ones.

Crossword Man - back from my days on the bus to school, one passenger seemed to be unable to face to world until he'd finished the Telegraph crossword. I wondered what terrible fate might befall him if I took the paper from him and ran away, laughing manically.

Old Stringfellow - a man who looks like an older, poorer version of, errrrm, Peter Stringfellow, funnily enough. Edit: seems to spend his whole life waiting for buses.

[BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed]

While I was waiting in a hospital in Berlin to see if my ex had dengue fever, a doctor walked through the waiting room. He had a long pony tail, a good smile, and moved with cool grace as he talked to the nurses and checked charts. As he disappeared through the swinging doors into another part of the hospital, I realized that I had just been in the presence of Dr. Awesome.

[don't ask]

There is a woman at work that comes by our work area all the time but I don't know who she is. I dubbed her Too Tight Clothes Girl because that was all I had noticed about her. Now everyone calls her TTCG.

Some years ago I was involved in a project which was conducted in partnership with another organisation. We met every week with the executives from this firm and the CEO would turn up each week with this fantastic wooden briefcase. It was a thing of great beauty. So we started calling him Wooden Briefcase.

One day in a meeting I was giving my opinion on some subject and said, "Well as W......we heard from Colin earlier.....blah blah." I had of course been about to say, "Well as Wooden Briefcase said..." I banned the use of the name after the meeting and have been wary about such names since.

[Lavender Falcon]

For a moment, I was thinking, "man, I don't want to ride on that bus!". Then I realized, at least you don't have Knife-Wielding Decapitating Cannibal Guy on your bus. As far as we know.

Oh man, I *hope* I never have one of those on my bus.

99% of the people on my bus are fine. It's the exceptions who aren't that stand out enough to get names. Most people are just a sea of un-named humanity, and then there are a few friendly people I occasionally say hi to. I don't tend to give them interesting names though. There's "Friendly woman who sometimes wears makeup that makes her look bruised," and "friendly guy who always says bye to me when I exit the bus," for example. Not nearly as entertaining as the others!

[msmith537]

Tits McGee - Basically any conspicuously big-breasted girl who is trying to be taken seriously. (usage "Oh great...Tits McGee is about to give a presentation.")

Blueshirts - Typically low to mid level male consultants, attorneys, business analysts, and other professionals identified by a blue Brooks Brothers dress shirt, black dress pants, laptop bag, Blackberry and possibly a rollar suitcase if they are in the airport.

Alley McBeals - Attractive female professionals in business suits that somehow look more like they are on their way to a bachelor party than a boardroom.

Princess Fiona - My boss. Because she looks like Shreks fucking ogre wife but not nearly half as pleasent.

[Full Metal Lotus]

Perhaps these should go in the current "customer service horror stories threads, but seeing as they are nicknames we (the staff where I used to work (Home Depot) made up and used for various customers, they fit better here:

Mrs Shriek : As she was remodelling an older house we saw a lot of her. She was fine, polite and easy to work with.. until something didn't go "her way" Then a HUGE terrifying shriek.. raw primal scream type stuff, would explode from her.

Rod Stewart: Not really rod the mod bod, but an incredible likeness.. about 25 yrs ago. This fellow looked exactly like Rod Stewart, circa 1975. And Although the "real" Rod's looks have developed over the years, in terms of fashion, haior and general appearance, our customer , well, had NOT. He would come in in badly patched mid 70's vintage Glam rock styles (he seemed to have a large wardrobe), platform boots and such. He was at least 50. Here is the truely odd bit. He was quite well off, based on the types of items he purchased, and the adress we sent them too.

Mr Shit. Contractor. Smelled of... excretement. Always.

Oscar the Grouch: A regular customer, female so named because of the hideous bright green faux fur coat she always wore. And her attitude. Walk up to her and ask if she needs any help, and the response would be a sneer and something growled along the lines of "Leave me alone!". Two minutes later she would be yelling "Can't I get a simple question answered? I have been waiting for help for 20 minutes!"

Cheapo Joe": He really was named "Joe", and he was a contractor that could NEVER accept the price. He was famous for making us check 4 other retailers by phone for price comparisons on a 79 cent bag of washers. No matter what price he was given on an item, he would ask for a discount, even insiting to see a manager to get 1 or 2% off.

There were others, but these characters have etched themselves into my memory.

FML

[Savannah]

For the longest time, there was the Fort Street Monk, here in Victoria. Paging Rodd Hill? Manduck? Anyone?

I would see him walking along Fort Street, dressed in a brown monk's robe. He was a monk; he had to be. He always walked. I always saw him walking on Fort Street. So he was, naturally, the Fort Street Monk.

I now must Google to see if anyone else in Victoria remembers him and remembers him under the same term.

...no. Only me.

[Savannah]

Missed the edit window.

Oh--I tend to do this with tenants a lot. For example, we have one tenant that's The Bedbug Guy. (His previous apartment became infested with bedbugs, which he went on and on and on and on and on about in great detail during the application progress to rent from us and escape the bedbugs.) I cannot recall for the life of me his name, he's The Bedbug Guy. It gets embarrassing when I mention to a property manager something that a tenant has mentioned and the name is gone, but I refer to them as the Princesses (entitled young misses with helicopter mothers) or The Lonely, Lonely Man (he came in to pay his rent in person, I swear, because that involvement with our office was his only personal interaction with other human beings for the month. Maybe. I wonder if he was as challenging to the cashiers at the grocery store? He had to buy groceries, right? Just not fresh ones--the property manager did an inspection of his rental condo, and he said the fridge wasn't working properly so he wasn't using it. This was about four months before her inspection. Why didn't he call us to have it repaired or replaced? It is a mystery. He never did. He just went on, fridgeless, until he died. Really. He died.)

Annie X-Mas, etc. -- we could do a thread on Weird Tenants.

[Roderick Femm]

Crazy Screaming Lady, who rented across the street. I think we've all had one of her in our neighborhood at least once in our lives. Thank og she's gone. I pity her poor offspring (no apparent husband around - big surprise!)

Radio Car - another neighbor, living most of the time across the street. When she has her car radio on, even with her windows closed and my windows closed, the bass is so loud I can't hear my TV. I complained to the police once, but she turned it down before they got here. Maybe someone else complained, I haven't heard her lately.

Mr. Lotus. A skinny, apparently homeless guy who used to sit on the streets of downtown San Francisco, in lotus position, with a begging bowl in front of him. He was usually (apparently) meditating. Haven't seen him in a few years.


Roddy

[Attack from the 3rd dimension]

There was a kid who would ride his bike up and down the street, up and down, up and down, making a WoooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOooooo
sound like a siren. We called him


Siren Boy.


You weren't expecting that, were you?

[vivalostwages]

Crazy Screaming Lady, who rented across the street. I think we've all had one of her in our neighborhood at least once in our lives. Thank og she's gone. I pity her poor offspring (no apparent husband around - big surprise!)
snip

Roddy

She may have moved in next to my walking partner. I've heard her enough times to know. They get to wake up to the shrill bitch every morning.

**We did indeed spot Jammie Man again this evening, except he was in daytime clothing, not sleepwear. I am going to do a stakeout in my car one of these days just to see which house he's coming out of.

[Queen Bruin]

Maintain - tweeker guy across the street that manages to hold down a job, i.e., he maintains. He flies off the handle once in a while but is generally pretty quiet.

Annie Acres - tweeker lady across the street who fancies herself some sort of renegade; she actually named herself this (after Annie Oakley and the place where we live).

Carnie - odd lady down the street that lives with her parents in between gigs at the carnival.

Cock Ring - Carnie's husband, he earned this nick after his enthusiastic advocacy of titular item.

Jack! - a guy down the street whose dog likes to chase me when I'm jogging. A little yappy thing, if I had to guess I'd say a min-pin. Rather than actually fencing his yard correctly, Jack! just sits in his lawnchair and yells at his dog as the little bastard tries to take chunks out of my ankle. He just yells "JACK!" at his POS dog, so I decided that was his name, too.

[GuanoLad]

Chocolate Guy - There used to be a guy on my regular train home (the chances of seeing the same person in the same carriage of the same train regularly around here is next to zero, but he turned up a lot). He was a portly and quiet fellow in glasses, but what made him interesting was that he'd always be eating a bar of chocolate, of which he'd carefully unwrap the silver foil, snap off one square, consume it while carefully wrapping up the silver foil again, then a few minutes later carefully unwrap the foil once more, snap off another square, etc, etc.

It was very particular behaviour that I always found disconcerting, even though he was probably a perfectly nice guy.

[Shecky]

My first apartment, we had:
Psycho Bob: Lived in the studio apt next door. Never went out, lived on disability. A rather nice guy actually, but he's too creepy. 250 lbs, balding, long hair, drove absolute beater cars with spray paint over the rust spots.
Carl the Pedophile Upstairs: Again, nice guy, not really a pedo. He's a home painter/sports photographer that would leave for weeks at a time. The 15 year old girl next door had a fascination with him because her supplied her brother with weed.
The Whore Next Door: When new landlords bought the house, they kicked out Psycho Bob and Carl, renovated the apartment upstairs and Whore Next Door moved into the studio. She was one of the landlord's mistress. Since he is a lawyer, he also gets her out of a lot of drug offenses.

[vivalostwages]

Swearing Guy: this fellow lived in the condo above my friend L's condo for a while. We thought he had Tourette's, though he seemed able to turn it on and off at will. He wore glasses with masking tape on them, grubby clothes, and just generally looked like hell whenever he went outside. Turns out the poor bastard had also had a schizophrenic break which ruined his career as a broker.

[Dung Beetle]

Sorry, but we just call him That Crazy Guy. He's a black guy who's always bundled up in a heavy jacket and a furry hat with earflaps, and he walks briskly along the highway. He's crazy because it's ninety-five degrees out there, and once you factor in the humidity…well, I have no idea how the guy stays alive. My husband thinks maybe his clothes are full of ice packs.

[Shagnasty]

I didn't invent it but Boston an honest to god celebrity, superstar homeless person called the Chili Guy.

You can see why here although he has hours of other interviews on file.

http://www.wbcn.com/topic/play_window.php?audioType=Episode&audioId=2808560

Audio but safe for work.

[Spoons]

We've just had The Loudmouths move in up the street. I don't think any members of this family have used normal speaking voices in years--everything they say is a shout. We first heard them when they were moving in, and while I could understand if they had to yell at each other from the house to the moving truck, I couldn't when they were taking a break from unloading, and still shouted at each other. And it wasn't just moving day; since then, we've heard the Loudmouths on a number of occasions.

Also up the street was a family we dubbed The Motorheads. On any day of the week, there were a number of cars in various stages of repair (or disrepair) parked in their driveway and on the street. The garage, which was usually open, looked to be a well-equipped shop. Of course, as repairs and modifications were made, the cars had to be tested--which they were, up and down our street, and occasionally through the park across the street; and always at high speeds. Amazing no neighbourhood child was killed.

And I can't forget Mr. Trailer Man. He owns a huge RV trailer that is bigger than the place he has to park it. So he tore down part of his fence and a row of trees to make room for his trailer. It still overhangs part of the neighbour's property. To his credit, he does use the trailer often, but if he had to rip down his fence and his trees, something that size just seems excessive. Heck, if he could afford that big trailer, he could afford a house with enough room for his trailer.

And of course, there's Caesar. He seems a nice, inoffensive, family guy, with a nice wife and kids who enjoy playing in their yard. But Caesar obviously wasn't happy with the house as the architect designed it. In went white pillars supporting curved balconies, wrought iron railings, special lighting, extra stonework, and an elegant stone barbecue in the back yard. The effect is a little over-the-top for our neighbourhood--indeed, if you were to add some neon signage, you'd have something that would look more at home in, say, Las Vegas (we privately call his house "Caesar's Palace," hence his nickname), than a quiet nondescript suburban neighbourhood.

[Chimera]

Butt Bandits Generic term for those sometimes homeless, sometimes not, people you see who go around picking up partially smoked cigarettes out of public ashtrays and even off the sidewalk. Ewwww.

The Rock Star A Butt Bandit we'd always see walking around downtown Minneapolis when I worked there. Always wearing a blue jogging suit and wrap around sunglasses. From a distance it looked like the thought he was something, but up close you could see the icky.

Elmer Fudd There was this Hmong (?) guy I used to see walking along the road every once in a while when I lived in North Minneapolis. Guy had to be just over 4' tall and ALWAYS had on this big bright orange hunting cap with the ear flaps, looking about 3 sizes too big for his head.

[Gordon Urquhart]

If you've spent any time in Capitol Hill in Denver, you've probably been approached by the woman I call Whisperin' Lil (she looks like a Lily who would rather be called Lil), who will ask you for money ("Would you happen to have any change?") in a tone that's just barely audible. When you ask her to repeat herself, she'll ask you the same question in a more normal tone of voice. I think it's her way of extending the conversation and thereby increasing the odds that someone will give her money.

Latex Lady patrols the corner of Holly and Evans in Denver, wearing blue plastic gloves on her hands while holding a sign asking for money. She got on the bus once when I happened to be on it; she placed an empty garbage bag on her seat before sitting down on it. Latex Lady's one of the more germ-phobic panhandlers I've ever seen.

The Colonel lives three houses down my street. I don't know for sure if he was in the service, but the way he walks and keeps his car and lawn super-neat makes me think he's used to everything being in order. He walks his dog past my house twice a day -- he seems nice enough, but he never stops to chat.

Mrs. Urquhart and myself have bestowed nicknames on some of the Antiques Roadshow appraisers, unbeknownst to them:

Civil War Dude (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/roadshow/appraisers/mitchell_christopher.html)
Toy Dude (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/roadshow/appraisers/barrett_noel.html)
Louis Comfort Tiffany Lady (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/roadshow/appraisers/sulka_arlie.html)

[phil417]

Beaky nose-breather -- let me explain. My car & my husband's truck were broken into by a 19-yr-old at 2:00 am in early June of this year. A few days later, a township detective delivered court papers telling us when to report to court for the preliminary hearing.

We appeared at the courthouse a few minutes ahead of time. Being early was good. Ahead of us, a family of women held up the line trying to get a baby carrier & assorted baby gear throuogh the metal detector. The family consisted of a grandmother; two teenage girls, one older & brunette, the other young, blonde & skinny (I nicknamed her "Beaky the mouthbreather" because of her Roman nose & her habit of inhaling & exhaling through her mouth), and a brunette toddler girl. They finally got everything through the detector & we all went into the same court room.

The detective in charge informed us that Jas*n, the kid who'd broken into our vehicles, had checked himself into the local pyschiatric hospital, & the the case was being continued.

Two weeks later, we appeared in the same court room. This time, the family of women family of women were there in the courtroom as well. During a break, some of us went to the women's room. Beaky the m-b was just ahead of me in line; she took off her suit-jacket to reveal a tattoo on her left becep. She had a line drawing of a mushroom. To the left of the mushroom was her name; to the right was Jas*n's name. We chatted, & she told me the baby was Jas*n's daughter, & that her boyfriend was pleading insanity by way of being drunk/stoned.

Goody. An immature drunk/druggy player "playa" who was allowed to breed. I never told her who I was, or about my relationship to her boyfriend's case.

I pray for them all.

Love, Phil

[phil417]

Mods, 10,000 apologies for the typo's..my hard drive crashed. I'm crouched on the floor, using my husband's laptop. I'll try to do better.

Love, Phil

[Shoeless]

Perfect Lawn Dude - we have this older retired guy in our neighborhood who has the best lawn I've ever seen, in part because he doesn't seem to have anything better to do with his time than to mow, trim, fertilize, water, etc. Funny thing is, right across the street from Perfect Lawn Dude is a house known to just about everyone in the neighborhood as The Crack House. I don't know if it was actually a crack house, but there were cars coming and going all the time (actually I think they may have been running a day care) and the neither the house or the lawn was kept up very well.

[SandyHook]

Not a person, but;

There is a restaurant here that we call, "The Eat and Stab."

When we first moved here, 11ish years ago, there were stabbings in the bar on two straight weekends.

Good food though.

[teela brown]

These are names I've assigned to two women I work with. This is so that my husband, who can't remember names of my co-workers, will know who I'm talking about.

Shrieky McTrailer Trash - emits a loud, hissing shriek of laughter at frequent intervals during the day, particularly when reading IMs all day long at her computer. Dresses in shiny polyester overtight garb despite her large bulk, and wears gold lamé platform sandals. Tops off the ensemble with a crummy knee-length bathrobe-like cardigan sweater with pulled-out frays and loops. Sprays herself and the surrounding area liberally with horrifically stinky perfume. I had to sit within a few feet of her at one point.

Goofball McLamejoke - this one could never answer a question without making the answer into some sort of dumbass goofball joke. Really bad lame-o jokes, too, delivered with a weird dramatic flourish.

Both of the above characters were tight friends, and both of of the above characters were "laid off" simultaneously two days ago. No one misses them.

[Helena]

The only one I can think of is Iguana Girl, who worked in the computer lab at Memorial University of St. John's, Newfoundland. She would sit and browse reptile forums in her spare time and occasionally talk about her pet iguana.

One day I took in a photo of the Newfie Prophet (http://paintedgreen.home.comcast.net/~paintedgreen/NprophtB.jpg) (a local character) to scan and post on a webpage. She saw the picture and said, "Oh! My sister used to date him."

(I don't see anything else about the Newfie Prophet online. Huh.)

[Chanteuse]

Geezer B. McOldfart--the old person who drives his car so slowly that you have to ride your brakes to keep from hitting him--but speeds up just about the time you could pass him. Of course, he returns to uberslow when the no-passing zone reappears.

Also, he or she is the one who takes about six years to exit a parking space, even when you signal them to back on up.

[Chimera]

Funny, I always heard 'em called Bobwhites. Because all you could see from behind them was the little white head bobbing up and down.

Klingons or Car Magnets. Assholes who get right up to the blind spot on the side of your car, then park there. No matter what speed you're going. You're fucked if you come up behind a slower vehicle, because dumbshit over there will slow along with you, preventing you from changing lanes. Same with attempting to move over in order to exit, or for any other purpose.

A variant of the same name is usually a young female or asian (sorry for the stereotype, but it's extremely rare when it's not one or both of the two!) who, despite you being the only car within a mile of them on a three lane freeway, will get five feet from your rear bumper and park there. I give 'em about a mile, then they get to say hello to Mr. Brake Lights and Mr. Middle Finger. Often very abruptly. I'm contemplating the name Uranian for them, because you look back and they're right on your anus.

An old one, I don't know this person anymore, but The Blur was a friend of a friend who was just kinda there. Big time moocher, but of little actual value. You'd turn around and he'd be gone, either out for a smoke or he'd just have gone home without saying a word. At this friend's house, he'd let himself in, so he'd just kind of appear the same way, without a word. You'd turn around and he'd be hanging out by the door, just watching everyone. Really wierd.

[mrsspooky]

When I used to get the bus to uni/work I used to see the same people on it everyday. I never knew their names but came up with a few of my own -


Fog Horn Lady - Usually found half way down the bus speaking extremely loud. Most people avoided sitting next to her. Usually she would sit down next to her victim and discuss rather perosnal topics out loud. God I love her...


Brief Case Man aka Norman - This guy would sit at the front of the bus and avoid fog horn lady. He always carried a brief case and a plastic bag with our local newspaper name written on it. I never knew his name until another member of the bus gang said it. Which brings me on the lonely shopkeeper lady.

Lonely Shopkeeper Lady aka Jessie - She was a friend of Brief Case Man and used to sit at the front with Norman to also avoid fog horn lady. I named her this because she reminded me of the lonely shopkeeper in chewin' the fat. Sometimes she would take treats with her like cakes, etc

The Couple - I never caught the names of these two. He was extremely tall with glasses and at times looked like he was dressed for going hill walking. His other half was extremely short with glasses and looked dressed for the office apart from the hill walking coat. They always sat behind me and would talk about various things such as what was for dinner, what time they would meet for going home, visiting her mother (which sometimes caused a little tension). What made me laugh about these two was that they were clearly married but appeared to be afraid of upsetting one another (kind of like when you first get involved with someone new). I later found out they both worked at solicitors firms in the same area.

Shakey Lady - I think this poor woman had a condition that made her shake a lot. She was quite old and always carried a farmfoods bag that was about 15yrs old. She always got off at the somerfield to do her shopping.

The to go lady - This lady always carried a giant travelling mug with her. To this day I never knew what she was drinking. Was it coffee, tea, hot chocolate - we'll never know...

I havent been on the bus for about 3 years since I moved. I know brief case man still gets the bus because he works accross the road from my new place. I like to think they are all still there avoiding fog horn lady. Good times, good times... :D

[mrsspooky]

Oh I forgot about these guys!


Rod aka Alasdair - He was in my college class back in the day. He really really really looked like Rod Stewart! For a good while I really thought it was him except one thing stood out - 'Rod' has stage fright. He wouldnt talk in front of the class.

Last Fag Pete aka Peter - This one goes back to my old school days. Everytime someone would ask him for a cigarette his response always was "sorry its my last one". Ah last fag pete - y'know someday it will be your last one and no-ones gonna help you out!

Brain May aka my ex boss - simple this one - she has hair like Brian May. I had lots of other nicknames for her while I was under her employment...

Basement Boy aka Jamie - I met this dude at college and he stuck me as the kind of guy that would live in his parents basement hidden away. From that day on he was 'Basement Boy'!

Horseface aka Nicola - This one (http://img59.echo.cx/img59/324/mred7vj.jpg) was real simple. I also met her during my college years.


Im sure theres more. I never realised how many nicknames I gave people until this thread popped up!

[seosamh]

(ahem) Cockman, a bloke I see nearly every morning on my way to work. A respectable looking chap who always wears tight-fitting, white trousers which do nothing to hide the outline of his genitals.

Not that I'm deliberately looking ......

[Gala Matrix Fire]

Tits McGee - Basically any conspicuously big-breasted girl who is trying to be taken seriously. (usage "Oh great...Tits McGee is about to give a presentation.").
Hey, we can't help the size of our breasts. If she's dressed appropriately, consider this me virtually slapping you.
If she's showing them off, then carry on.

[delphica]

The Drug Dealing Milk Drinkers: This couple drove me batty. They lived in an apartment in our building. One of them, usually the husband, would head out, saying to the wife "I'm running out to get some milk!" Which is normal enough. But then they would have a long conversation about it, while one of them was standing on the landing right outside the door to our apartment. "Should I get a quart or a half gallon?" "I think just a quart, but could you also pick up some half-and-half?" "No problem ... do we need more coffee as well?"

1. Why are you having this conversation at all?
2. If you need to have it, why don't you have it in your home, before the shopper is halfway down the hall and DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OUR DOOR? It was as loud as if they were having this conversation in our living room.

Frequency was also an issue. This conversation would sometimes happen several times in a single evening. I decided that "milk" was a euphemism for going out to buy or sell drugs ... because why else would you repeatedly do it more than once a night?

Other than that, there wasn't anything else that made me think they were drug dealers, but I think it was enough. It was certainly annoying.

[interface2x]

Champagne Coolie - Just a guy we'd see at work sometimes that kinda looked like actor Patrick Bristow (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0109956/). Yeah, I know, kinda obscure, but we're pretty big Seinfeld freaks and he played "The Wig Master" in one episode. His nickname primarily sprung out of Jerry's line, "How do you know we're not together? Two guys, sittin', laughin', drinking Champagne Coolies."

[butler1850]

In my home town, we did have siren man. A 40-50 something guy with Downs syndrome who rode around town in a police hat (UK Bobby style, which is an odd hat for the North Shore of NEW England), making the siren sound.

We also had Coupon Dan, who would, on Wednesday nights come into the supermarket about 4 PM, park a shopping cart (which he took to and from his residence to the market) at the end of aisle 4, then item by item go to get it, and put it in his cart. Every item he purchased had a coupon for it. No coupon, no item. Most coupons were expired, so much product went back to the shelf. We usually pulled his basket to the front about 8:30PM, and tried to herd him towards it, and the register. It was harsh duty to ring him up, as he stunk, and argued about the expiration dates of his coupons.

In college, we had Everywhere Man. Anyplace you went on campus, there he was. You couldn't escape him, and everyone seemed to have had the same experience with him. Every day in the dorm, we'd have a rundown of where everyone saw Everywhere Man. I think he moved at light speed, because he seemed as though he could be in 2 places at once... cut through a building, and there he was on the other side. Go to the other campus, and he'd ride right past on his bicycle. Started to make me paranoid, until I found out that I wasn't alone in seeing him EVERYWHERE!!!!

[Zeriel]

Sad Girl is frequently at the supermarket when I am. Skinny, dresses very sort of ethereally in above-the-knee light-colored sleeveless dresses with lace-ish trim and black stockings, long semi-unkempt black hair, very pale. Always looks just on the verge of tears. Noticed one day when we checked out at the same time and coincidentally parked near each other that she has a uncased cello in the back of her hatchback. May well be the ultimate Goth.

Thick McRunsFast is the generic nickname for any of the bulgy wide-shouldered frat guys who go jogging in shoes, no socks, tiny shorts, and a baseball cap around my college town.

And in keeping with that, the proper group name for a clump of Greek females in clubbing garb is a misdemeanor of sorority girls.

[myskepticsight]

Vitamin Boy was a guy that rode my bus in junior high. He smelled like vitamin pills. Vitamins do not smell good. This dude smelled like he took a whole bottle every morning and it was coming out of his pores. For all I know know, he had some sort of problem, but when my friends and I were 13 he just stunk like vitamins. We never spoke to him, we just gagged when him and his buddy would sit near us or walk by us on the bus.

[Mangetout]

Mrs Purple Dented Car used to live across the street from me.

[pinkfreud]

There's a middle-aged woman who often shops at my favorite grocery store who runs amuck with facial makeup, particularly lipstick. Not only does she use wayyyy too much greasy, shiny lipstick, but she applies it so that some of it extends far beyond her lips. She reminds me of Heath Ledger as the Joker. I don't know her name, but in my mind she will always be Lipstick Lady.

[cher3]

Mashed Potato Girl. There was this girl I used to see whizzing by on her bike when I was driving home from work. There was always some white stuff all over her face--not like clown paint and not like zinc oxide, and I could never get a close enough look at her to see what it might be.

Then one day I went into a local grocery store and she turned up ahead of me in line. It looked exactly as though she had taken a small handfull of thinnish mashed potatoes, smeared it all over her face, and let it dry in streaks and peaks.

I still have no idea what it really was.

[Tamerlane]

The Gesticulator: Tall, lanky, middle-aged owner of the property adjoining my job site which they have been sloooowly developing for about the last millenia or two ( a very slight exagerration ). Me and my co-worker sometimes watch with horrified and slightly amused fascination the slipshod and frankly illogical progression of comstruction on one of our security cameras. The Gesticulator makes frequent appearances in an apparent high state of agitation, obviously berating his stunningly inept, troglodytic workers with much swooping of the arms, jerking of the head and other entertaining physical flailings.

T-Bone and Babyback: The attractive ( and genuinely friendly ) young couple at an earlier residence, much prone to REALLY LOUD and cliched-sounding sex.

The Muttonchop Brothers: A relic of my teen years, two incredibly tall and skinny slacker brothers in their twenties with gigantic sideburns that could be seen loping around town in a bouncing, swaying hipster stride. They rather reminded me of a cross between 1970's hipsters and the scary dude in the movie Phantasm

Shagnasty the Witch: Typical harmless old lady in a scary home that was the source of some exaggerated alarm to local youngsters.

Many others, including nicknames varied and broad for various co-workers, both affectionate and insulting. My two cats frequently go by "retard" or "rambunctor" ( the one ) or "bitey" ( the other ).

Meanwhile some choice names I've acquired myself over the years include Nick the Drug Addict ( sleep-deprived snoozing with my head lolling back in High School ), Gomez ( for my gloomy dismissal of sunshine as a source of skin-cancer during my "graveyard" years ) and Snake-Eye ( after a snake bit me in the eye - probably my favorite ).

[Suse]

The two that come to mind are:

Scary Spider Mom - my child's classmate's mother who dressed in black, dyed her hair black, wore black glasses and tons of makeup.

Jock Mom - another classmate's mother who was never seen wearing anything but shorts and oftentimes carrying a basketball.

[Jackmannii]

[Farting Man: This guy stepped square on my foot when he got off the bus (without noticing or apologizing). Then he farted in my face. Don't take this the wrong way - but have you considered elevator shoes?

[Bites When Provoked]

Here in my home town we have The Man Who Walks Legs Off Dogs.

He's always out, always walking - rain, hail or shine. And for a while there, every time we saw him it was with a different dog...always shorter than the first.

He's kept the nickname even though we've seen him with a bigger dog again.

[Bites When Provoked]

I didn't invent it but Boston an honest to god celebrity, superstar homeless person called the Chili Guy.In Adelaide, we have... Johnny. Everyone knows who Johnny is. :)

He even has a web page.

http://www.adelaide.citylegends.com/gallery.htm

I notice they're missing photos of the 'mankini' look I saw him in once. This is definitely for the best.

[maggenpye]

Budgie Boy has the same first name as my little parrot and a distinctly avian surname. It would annoy the hell out of him if he knew how well it's stuck - yay.

Semi-Famous Man used to live across the street from me. Despite seeing each other almost every day for two years, he wouldn't return any greeting, just walk on as though no-one had spoken to him. My flatmates and friendlier neighbours commented on this as well. It had taken me months to work out that the reason he seemed so familiar was because he was an actor. Even knowing that, I could never remember his name.

One day at my boyfriend's place, we were watching TV and SFM came on in a fairly major role. I told my boyfriend about how SFM never spoke to anyone on our street and my boyfriend said "Oh, that's nothing - I've worked with him on three series and he's never spoken to me either, he's too bloody famous for the likes of us .... What's his name again?"

[kittenblue]

Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man is a regular visitor to our store, though we may be changing his name to Camo-Man soon, as he's started wearing a total camoflague outfit. He's a big, puffy black man who has several rituals he performs when he stops by...kissing our hands (when we let him...thought at first he wanted to shake hands) asking us if we brush with Colgate, then ordering us to "Smile!" and requesting the boss's business card.

Drool Girl had some sort of salivation problem, as well as a severe speech impediment. She would be wearing a thick , high turtle neck sweater, and the collar was always soaked with drool. Plus she'd have a tissue she'd dab at her mouth with. When she spoke...oh, even just typing this makes me gag. It was very hard to wait on her.

Mr. Same-Same We never could decide what nationality he was, Greek, Turkish, something. He spoke very little English, was under-going dialysis and would frequently buy blankets from us to give to friends in the dialysis clinic because it got chilly in there. He would spend a lot of time browse our merchandise, asking prices, then picking up a similarly priced item and say, "Same-same?"

Wheelchair Girl because, well, she drive a motorized wheel chair. But she also has a severe speech problem, and we simply cannot understand what she is asking us. Then she gets mad and leaves. We really do try to understand her...it's frustrating for her and for us.

[Gatopescado]

Back when I used to work in a mall, there was a girl who worked at a cosmetic place that I called Womanequin because she used so much of her own product she looked plastic.

[Lavender Falcon]

Don't take this the wrong way - but have you considered elevator shoes?

I'm plenty tall enough to have clearance, thanks. I wasn't standing--I was sitting in one of the sideways seats. He did the stepping, farting thing as he walked by. A gas mask might have come in handy, though.

[Sternvogel]

Jock Mom - another classmate's mother who was never seen wearing anything but shorts

Where's the "eyes bulging out of my head" smilie when I need one? :D

(I assume you meant "never wore long pants or a skirt" as opposed to "went topless".)

I've seen a beautiful blonde girl riding a bicycle a couple of times around town, and she is now "Bicicleta Chick" (from the Spanish word for "bicycle", even though she doesn't look stereotypically Hispanic). I guess my partial inspiration is a memory of reading a reference to a character named Mademoiselle Biciclette (or was her title Madame?) in a review of a French-language film.

[Acid Lamp]

According to my regular cashier at the grocery store, I'm known as The Beard[B]tm. She made a point of asking me my name the other day so she wouldn't be so embarrassed. I told her it, and added that surely other customers must have more interesting facial than myself. She agreed but told me that they had been entertained by watching me grow it out over the last 8 months and have a small pool going as to when I would stop, or cut it.

[Caprese]

When I lived in Denver: The Cult Litterer.
I never saw this stranger. I only saw what he or she left behind.
Using black magic marker, this person would carefully print out prayers to Jesus and nail them or staplegun them all over central Denver. Sometimes the prayer signs would be accompanied by Watchtower pamphlets.
The prayer signs were made from the tops of used microwave dinners. I have no way of knowing if The Cult Litterer is a man or a woman, though I think he was probably a man because of the handwriting and the fact that some of his prayers were quite high up on telephone poles.
He got his nickname when somebody scrawled "Cult Litter" over one of his signs.
For all I know, he's still there, leaving his signs.
I don't miss them.

[gonzomax]

Mr. Pullover He worked out at my club. He only did the pullover machine even though there are 50 machines. He wore a long sleeve dress shirt . You would have to chase him off the machine to use it. I saw him there every time I went. He developed the weirdest body.

[dogbutler]

211. The crazy drunk lady in our complex, named after her beverage of choice (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_Reserve)

[Green Bean]

The Sheltie Lady--She's an ordinary-looking dumpy middle-aged lady. He's a nice-looking Shetland Sheepdog. And at any time of the day, in any season, and in almost any weather, you're likely to see them standing on the sidewalk by the big cemetery up on East Broad Street in Westfield, NJ. The sheltie just lays there watching the cars go by. The Sheltie Lady just stands there holding his leash. And that's all they do.

Except....one day I saw her talking on a cell phone while she was standing there. I was so excited that I had seen her doing something different!

[Abby_Emma_Sasha]

POMBA(Pompous, Overbearing Message Board Assholes)- You know the type, always nitpicking grammatical errors, pointing out spelling mistakes, etc. I feel that they are just bitter people who never achieved the goals they set and want to seem superior to everyone else.

[Sigmagirl]

The Surly Waitress. We used to be seated in her section back at the old China Coast on Howe Road, and she was just barely on the edge of polite. Then China Coast went out of business, and we thought we would see her no more. But yes! She was hired at the Olive Garden! Just amazing that she would stay in a profession she so clearly disliked. She never screwed up orders or was out-and-out rude, she was just . . . surly.

[DLuxN8R-13]

Me and Wolf (that's my boyfriend) once had the dubious blessing of living in a pestilent residential hotel, located in a neighborhood many consider to be the armpit of San Francisco.

Directly above us on the next floor there lived a gentleman named Henry.

Before much time at all had passed, there were two things about Henry that we knew for certain. One was that he apparently juggled safes and bowling balls and great big cement flowerpots for a hobby; the other was that he had many vehement differences of opinion with one or more persons who would neither go away nor shut up. His side of the argument was usually some variation on "God DAMN you! Leave me ALONE, fucking BASTARD, I HATE you! Shut up! FUCK OFF! GOD DAMN YOU TO HELL MOTHERFUCKER!" delivered at a volume a bull of Bashan might envy. Whoever these quarrelsome ogres were, they were never close enough for normal conversational volume OR totally out of earshot, because you heard Henry's end of thing at all hours, sometimes 24 of them at a stretch. In no time at all, our vociferous co-tenant was known to the two of us as Hollerin' Henry, a soubriquet I was indiscreet or insensitive enough to use in conversation with those of our friends and acquaintances who lived in the same flophouse. Afterwards, if they had occasion to speak of him at all, they called him Hollerin' Henry too. It quickly became his nickname throughout that entire dosshouse, and one he damned well brought on himself, too,

[frog princess]

At work we have:
80's guy -So named because of his mullet, sunglasses and jeans. He looked like he stepped straight out of an AH-HA video. His name has recently changed following a sort of makeover. He is now 90's guy.
Sleeveless -A cleaning guy in my building who does not own a shirt with sleeves. It doesn't matter what time of year, what the weather, he is always sleeveless.
Shirtless -a patient (psych hospital) who goes out for his afternoon smoke and takes off his shirt to lay on it.
Deer-in-the-headlights Debbie -A nurse who happens to look like a deer in the headlights. I don't know how she holds her eyes open so wide.

I think my husband is known as the lollipop guy at our local bank. If I go with him, they always ask him if he'd like a lollipop, or they just assume he does and give him one. In 10 years of using this bank I have never been offered a pop unless I had one of my young kids with me.

[mowyourlawn]

Cyborgs -- People who are very conspicuous in their use of Bluetooth earpieces. They wear them always, and are often on "I'm a businessman!"-type calls (you know, the people yapping stuff like "So I talked to Bob and he quoted thirteen-five, and I said no effing way, Bob, you've known me longer than that, and...". I used to work in a Staples copy center, and we'd get several of these people every day who wouldn't pause their conversation in order to talk to us.

[Larry Mudd]

"'20s Girl" and "Cowboy Boots" are regulars on the bus route my wife and I take to work.

"'20s Girl" is a tiny little birdlike girl with pale pale skin and black black hair, who dresses like she just stepped out of the 1920s. She always seems very nervous.

"Cowboy Boots" has clothing and grooming that makes it appear he's going for a Wild Bill Hickock kinda thing. He also has double hearing-aids and some sort of disability that makes him choose the elevator over the stairs when the escalator is out of service.

"Nai Nai" is a super friendly little old chinese lady that we pass every morning on the way to the bus stop. She always has a bright "Good morning!" for us and we exchange one or two words as we pass.

[Chimera]

About 12 years ago, a large family nicknamed me Middle Finger Man.

I was doing Karate, and this large family with lots of kids was a fixture there. One day I'm running late for class with this big old crappy van cuts across the front of me and putters along at 20mph in a 40 zone. I couldn't get around them because of all the other traffic zipping past. Then they stopped on a green light, which had been green for a long time, and sat there until it turned red. Then she lurched forward and stopped, realizing she'd missed the actual green light. I think she was too busy dealing with all the kids. When the light turned green, they didn't move, and I honked at them. She proceeded to drive at 20mph again, whereupon I got angry and flipped them the bird. Wasn't until I did that when one of the kids I recognized turned around and looked at me. Damn, sorry I did that, but seriously woman, pay attention to the road and drive something closer to the posted speed already!

For months afterward, I had this pack of 5 to 8 year old kids calling me "Middle Finger Man" at the Karate School. I successfully resisted the urge to call their mom "Can't Drive For Shit Woman" or something worse.

[THespos]

Mr. Sketchy - This guy has taken the Ronkonkoma -> Penn Station train every day for at least 10 years. He stands in the same exact spot on the platform, waiting for the exact same train every day, wearing a grey hoodie and looking like the Unabomber the whole time.

The Ogre - This old dude with a hump and a King-size attitude stands at the 34th Street Station stop for the 1/9. Like Mr. Sketchy, he stands in the same spot waiting for the train. Unlike Mr. Sketchy, he's outwardly hostile if you try to line up on the platform anywhere close to him. Rants to himself incoherently and frequently. Has a bad comb-over and a disgusting accumulation of neck hair.

The Glimmer Twins - Are always seen together in what might be a late 1980s Nissan Pulsar NX. I'm not sure. There are so many shitty ground effects on this car, it's tough to tell. If it's sunny and warmer than 60 degrees outside, they're out there somewhere with the T-tops removed, sticking their tits out and driving like utter maniacs while whooping it up and blasting mid-90s club music on a crappy stereo. You will see them and narrowly avoid an accident trying to keep out of their cleavage path. The very next time you see them, the other one will always be driving. It's like they're holding a competition to see which one can get as close as possible to Darwinizing herself and her fellow twin.

[Lady Venom]

Oh I'm so glad that we're not the only people who do this. :D

The people in my court are:

Peg-leg - He lost his leg in a motorcycle accident.

Jehovah lady - kind of obvious.

The muppet - the strange man who lives with Jehovah lady. He looks & talks like a muppet.

Crack whore - lost a LOT of weight fast after a drug dealer moved next door.

Game Boy & Game Boy junior - Crack whore's kids...The oldest is never without his game boy, even when playing tag. GB jr is just a little version of GB.

Gene - The strange guy who is a Gene Simmons impersonator, and not a very good one.

Mrs. Gene - his (now ex) girlfriend (the aforementioned drug dealer)

Psycho - The Polish mail man at the end of our row who is, quite seriously, psycho. He lives 5 houses away and I can hear him screaming IN HIS HOUSE, daily. Then he usually drives around the court like a maniac.

Now, I know some of these aren't very nice or PC, but hubbyy & I never call these people that in earshot of anyone but eachother. It's sad that we've lived here for 5 1/2 years and only know the two kids right across from us, their parents, and the woman two houses over.

[vivalostwages]

The No-See-Ums: this family has lived across the street for many years, but they are rarely if ever visible. Sometimes there are vehicles in the driveway. Somebody is turning on the faucet for the hose so the sprinkler can run. But no people.

Little Miss Thing: an impossibly thin, bleach blonde woman with high heels, a BMW, and a young son.

Jimmy the Drug Dealer: self-explanatory.

Green Car Transaction Guy, formerly known as Weird Sitting-in-his-van guy: He used to sit in his van out in front of his house, listening to music. Recently, he switched to a green car with a souped-up engine, and he spends his days zipping around from his house to a liquor store to some crappy apartments to a local park. My neighbor saw him doing some sort of transaction--you know what I mean--with somebody in front of the aforementioned liquor store. He makes at least 50 trips a day.

Leftover Hippie and His Long-Haired Son: self-explanatory.

[KneadToKnow]

Porky Pig: Not because he's bald and pudgy (which he is) but because he has a pronounced stammer.

Mrs. Gene - his (now ex) girlfriend (the aforementioned drug dealer)
Shouldn't she be Shannon?

[Hypno-Toad]

Here at work we have:
Jeep Girl--A rather attractive lady who pulls up in her topless jeep with only a sports bra and shorts. She then changes before coming into the building. My coworkers are quick to display their unprofessionalism at these times by glueing themselves to the windows.

Jogging Girl-- an EXTREMELY attractive jogger in her 20's in our downtown. Also in sports bra and shorts.

Leo-- I see this guy on the way to work. Has rather leonine hair and beard.

At my gym there's:

80's Lady--She looks about my age (38) but stills dresses and wears her hair like it's the 80's. At least she leaves off the leg warmers.

Gravy Lady-- A very tan old lady whose skin looks like the skin on a bowl of cooling gravy.

Tittie Woman-- Very large, very fake. 'nuff said.

When I worked at a grocery store we had:

Frog Lady (or Ribbet)--short with wide, frog-like face and super thick glasses that gave her frog-eyes. She was a pain in the ass which is why she got a nickname. but it was her looks that determined the actual name.

Country Club--A woman who thought that living next-door to a country club kept her shit from stinking. She would actually snap her fingers and call you "boy" when demanding that you bag her groceries. And she expected you to drop whatever you were doing for other customers in favor of her needs. She would tip the bagger a nickel if he was lucky. Sometimes, she'd give you a tennis ball that fell in her backyard from the abutting tennis court. An old tennis ball that was gray on one side from spending the winter on her back lawn.

[Caricci]

I went to college with Black Man with Gold . He was much older than the average college student, had a heavy accent of some sort, wore colorful, expensive suits, was black and had a lot of gold jewelry.

[Kalhoun]

Kid Kalhoun and I had a neighbor who we saw just once when we were living in an apartment. We called him The Dead Guy because we imagined the authorities removing a partially liquified body from his apartment some day. One day I looked out the window and saw Kid Kalhoun sniffing under the door for the undeniable scent of rotting flesh.

[E. Thorp]

Whiny Homeless Girl was a teenager who sat on corners of Broadway in Seattle, begging for change in the whiniest voice I ever heard. Occasionally I'd see her on the bus, sitting next to her boyfriend and endlessly nagging him in that same whine. (I don't think he later became the crazy knife-wielding decapitating bus rider, but it wouldn't surprise me.)

After a couple of years of this, one day I saw Whiny Homeless Girl walking down Broadway with an older couple and a younger boy, pointing out different shops, cafés, etc. Yep...her family was in town and she was giving them a tour, in her usual whiny voice. Surreal.

[Lady Venom]

Shouldn't she be Shannon?

I'd never disrespect Shannon Tweed that way! This woman is...umm...well, lets just say she's a little rough around the edges.

[jali]

The Annoying One - a coworker who seems to irk almost everyone.

The title must be said very gravely in a deep deep voice. (okay - not a stranger, but I don't always play by the rules)



The Mayor of Arrowhead Blvd - our neighborhood greeter.
photos and story (http://jalishouse.wordpress.com/2008/04/15/the-mayor-stuff/)

[vivalostwages]

Turtle Lady: My walking pal and I just nicknamed this one last night. A very nice, older Asian lady who spends a lot of time in her lovely garden and yard. She has a pet water turtle and two very large artificial tortoises by her front step.

Whayaname?: this small girl lives in a cul-de-sac and, whenever she saw me walking there, she would ask me what my name was, but she did not enunciate very well. I do, in fact, know her real name, but prefer the nickname.

[Crowbar of Irony +3]

There's guy who is always at this particular MacDonalds situated near a a couple of cyber-gaming cafes everyday. I swear. Others would too.

He's thin, lanky, pale and has hair longer than any ladies I have met. He's always carrying about his D&D 3rd edition rulebooks with him whenever he appears. I wasn't aware of how...acute...it is till one day my cousin and me went down to the same area and pointed him out to me. "He's here everyday!"

And the last time I was in the area was about two years ago.

Apparently, there was a period of time my cousin visit the area for LAN gaming, and this fellow was here all the time with his thick tomes.

Their nickname for him?

The Level 99 Archmage.

PS. No offence to role-players (I am one too), but this guy takes the prize just for so many reasons.

[IvoryTowerDenizen]

BananaMan On our recent camping trip a mini-van pulled up during the night, in the rain. The next morning, husband (Moment Slayer) and I sat around our fire watching this guy get out his van, stretch, head down to the restroom, come back and eat a banana.

He went in and out of his van, went for a long walk, got back in his van and left.

We made up many scenarios and finally decided that he was an air-mattress salesman who had to leave home because of his banana addiction. Don't ask. It made sense at the time.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

Mr Creepy, who is our State Government messenger.

Unshaven, with an odd, dysfunctional stare. Exudes menace as dog poo exudes stink.

[Tikki]

C-Man--A fellow bus commuter. He would get on the bus a few stops after mine. Though his posture seemed fine, the moment his butt hit the seat he would slump over, his nose nearly touching his knees and he would remain in that exact position at least until I got off some 30 minutes later. He never looked out the window, never talked to anyone, just apparently studied the fabric of his pants the entire trip, every single day. I called him C-Man because I always pictured his spine in the shape of a C whenever he sat like that.

The Russian Twins--I started seeing the Russian Twins around town about 15 or so years ago but I didn't really know if they were Russian or not until just recently when I overheard them talking. They just looked Russian to me. They're absolutely identical and are often seen out walking together, wearing identical clothing or something very similar.

The Walking Guy--I know I should come up with a better name than that but that is what has stuck in my mind. I used to see him walking all the time in my old neighborhood. Not just walking, but doing so in almost a manic just-have-to-walk kind of way. Not just walking but reading a book at the same time. Not just reading but so engrossed in the words that he rarely looked up from the pages. Even at intersections. I guess he just used perhipheral vision to see if the coast was clear and plunged on across.

[si_blakely]

I used to see Pam-lite (http://media.apn.co.nz/webcontent/image/jpg/12reynolds2.JPG) at the gym in Hamilton, NZ, all the time. She had the pouty lips, the peroxide hair, the sunbed tan, and the sudden inexplicable increase in bust size. Her boyfriend was Poser (there are usually several at any gym, but he was the classic). I really didn't like either of them. Then she stopped showing up at the gym for a while.

She then appeared in the papers as Robin Reynolds (in 2000) having slept with Robbie Williams during his NZ tour. She had her 15 minutes of infamy, tried to kickstart an international modelling/acting career, got ripped off by her manager, and that small photo that was the only picture I could find of her in the whole internet (plus a reference to her being a stripper in Oceans' 11, but she isn't in the credits list, so she must have been cut). Poser was in the regional paper, too, as the dumped local boy left behind by a girl determined to climb the celebrity pole. Didn't endear either of them to me.

Si

[descamisado]

Slew Foot: There's a large guy in my neighborhood that I only see late at night going up and the down the street. He walks really slow and drags his feet, which are splayed outward like a duck.

There's something about the way he moves that made me change "slow" to "slew" when I gave him his name.

Shexy: This female crack addict in my neighborhood is not very attractive but all of her clothes are tight and revealing. She's small-framed but, though not pregnant, has the stomach of a six-monther. The name is "sexy" but pronounced with a slurry, drunken sort of drag to it.

[vivalostwages]

Woof: a fat, decrepit beagle whose front legs are a bit crooked. He can barely get up off the ground, but when he sees people walking by his yard, he manages a WOOF or two, and that's as much as he can do.

[vivalostwages]

Tall Baldie: my friend's daughter gave this nickname to a cop who zips around in his patrol car in our neighborhood and then through the local school on his way to the sleazy apartment complex.

[vivalostwages]

I'm waking up this thread again to see if anyone can add to it. It still makes me laugh.

Crazy Effing Mustang Bitch: lives in the cul-de-sac at the end of my street; drives a Mustang like a crazy person, blowing stop signs, speeding, turning whenever she feels like it, almost ran into the driver's side of my car when I was trying to turn left into my street and she didn't want to wait; two days later, she ran her car underneath my neighbor's truck when neighbor was just pulling into her sloped driveway. As it turns out, she has had several incidents already and is only 19 years old. And she might be pregnant, God help us all.

[rinni]

Here in my home town we have The Man Who Walks Legs Off Dogs.

He's always out, always walking - rain, hail or shine. And for a while there, every time we saw him it was with a different dog...always shorter than the first.

He's kept the nickname even though we've seen him with a bigger dog again.

This is seriously so hilarious that I think it's going to be one of those things that I randomly remember and laugh at for months to come. I think this is the best nickname... EVER.

Here are just a few of mine!

Nice Dragon City Man: He was a really nice waiter from my favourite Chinese restaurant, Dragon City in Halifax (which no longer exists, so sad!). He knew our usual order and always gave us the table by the window, which he called "your usual table".

The Low Talker: She was a waitress at the same restaurant. She also worked at Super Valu. She spoke so quietly that I never understood a word she said. (I always referred to speaking with her as "agreeing to wear the puffy shirt", which is a reference to the Seinfeld episode in which Jerry can't understand a quiet woman who asks him a question, and he accidentally agrees to wear a huge puffy shirt on TV.)

Jimmy Dunh-dunnhnhn!!!: Forgive my spelling, but I've never ever written it before so I just had to make one up. He was a guy who always wore a walkman, and did kind of a Beavis-and-Butthead-esque "DUNH-DUNNNHNHN!" along with the music, while headbanging and doing the metal "horns" action with his hand. The walkman didn't always have batteries in it, mind you. \m/:cool:\m/ He was pretty much hilarious.

[vivalostwages]

At work we have:
Deer-in-the-headlights Debbie -A nurse who happens to look like a deer in the headlights. I don't know how she holds her eyes open so wide.

snip.

Graves Disease, possibly.

[Maiira]

Denizens of the bus:

Retard Lady. (I know, I know, not a very nice label, but sometimes the 12-year-old in me takes over.) She sits in the front of the bus and has some sort of mental disability. She talks quite loudly and tries to tickle/play with every small child in a stroller that she sees. They mostly just give her a blank stare.

Sinister Crazy Man. I see him on the bus sometimes, and, well...he ain't right. He'll start talking to himself and other people around him (whether they want to hear it or not), and none of what he says makes sense. (One lady almost came to blows with him because he threw a few swears in there and she had her toddler with her.) Some of it also sounds rather...ominous. He's probably harmless, but kind of creepy all the same.

Sweatpants Man. I've never heard this man speak, he just gestures, mostly to wave people out of his way. He's quite large, and it's clear that he can't walk very well (he always needs the lift for getting on and off the bus). He also wears sweatpants. Well, sweatsuits, but "sweatpants man" has a better ring to it.

Doggie Lady. A blind woman who has a really cute service dog that I want to pet (but won't because he's a service dog and has signs on him saying "I'm working, please don't pet me"). She usually sits in the back and the doggie will sit under her feet.

[Zoe]

"The Bumbys" -- When my granddaughter and I were flying back from Philadelphia, three musicians from Manchester, England had the seats in front of us. They were a little unusual looking. All were short with large heads and elvish looking faces. They were very pleasant and seemed particularly excited about coming to Nashville.

We told them that the Country Music Hall of Fame formed a bass clef from overhead and is lighted at night (which is true). We tried to help them spot it, but had no luck. It amused me to see people as thrilled to land in Nashville as we had been to land in Paris.

They needed a name as a group in our memories and "The Bumbies" just seemed to fit. Please don't link me to a site showing that these are incredibly famous people.

[BigBertha]

LOVE this thread.

Calculator Guy-obviously mental. Has a weird smile all the time, twitches and makes with his finger like hes typing on a calculator.

How Yall Doin Guy-Every time he sees any human, he says Hey! How Y'all Doin M'aam(Sir)! really loud. he works at a grocery store and if he sees you more than once in the store, he'll say it each time he sees you.

AssWoman- Shes a bit short, but her behind is at least 5 feet across. I wonder where she gets her clothes.

Box Man-He sells comics and carries a box of them everywhere! Seen him for years, apparnetly he graduated a year before me, but he is not in the yearbook.

TitWoman- Seen her twice, once in a wheelchair, her breasts hang way down below her knees.

HeyLady-Insists on the first seat on the bus because shes disabled (has a photo pass to prove it) asks people questions, how old is your son? Whens his birthday/ What month? What day? This March or next?
Once ran for the bus yelling Hey! high pitchedly over and over even though the bus had stopped. Serious blank affect.

[BigBertha]

Denizens of the bus:

Retard Lady. (I know, I know, not a very nice label, but sometimes the 12-year-old in me takes over.) She sits in the front of the bus and has some sort of mental disability. She talks quite loudly and tries to tickle/play with every small child in a stroller that she sees. They mostly just give her a blank stare.

.Is this my HeyLady? Where do you live?

[BigBertha]

Forgot StupidJesusMan-has tourettes obviously and sits on the bus muttering 'stupid jesus!' stupid god, 'stupid church' quietly but determindly.

[EvilTOJ]

Introducing The Cheaters. A long time ago, just after the earth cooled, I used to eat lunch in a park next to a school. One day I noticed a note tacked to a tree. Being of the curious sort I read it, to find it was a love note. I left it, amused by it. Once or twice a week notes would show up, but they weren't always love notes. Sometimes they were plans for rendezvous when Certain Persons were out of town :dubious: It became pretty apparent that someone was stepping out on someone else, possibly both were. I really wish I could remember more details about those notes, they were a real kick in the pants. After about 6 months they stopped. (they must have figured out the concept of email) I don't think it was students at the school since it was an elementary school.

Sorry, but we just call him That Crazy Guy. He's a black guy who's always bundled up in a heavy jacket and a furry hat with earflaps, and he walks briskly along the highway. He's crazy because it's ninety-five degrees out there, and once you factor in the humidity…well, I have no idea how the guy stays alive. My husband thinks maybe his clothes are full of ice packs.

Are you sure you don't mean this guy? (http://foocah.com/you-gonna-get-raped.jpg) If it is his new name should be RapeFace.

[BomTek]

Oh, man, Mrs BomTek would be awesome at this game! But I've got a few that we've created just during this deployment...
Snidely Whiplash- always, ALWAYS, looks like he just got back from tying someone to the train tracks. The funny thing is, military regs prevent him from having an actual Snidely-type mustache, but we all agree he'd have one if he could.
Volleyball Girl- just a leggy brunette who looks like she would play volleyball. I think she looks like Seth Rogen's mom in Observe And Report probably did when she was 20 years old.
Shaving Waiver Guy- none of have the balls to just ask him if he actually has a shaving waiver, but he's persistently sporting a fairly full beard.
Fetus Head- I'm not really one to talk, since my head is somewhat large, but this guy looks like a supervillian.
Craterface- an otherwise cute Army SGT with some bad acne scars who came to visit our shop recently.

[Really Not All That Bright]

5 O'Clock Bob: I used to work at a Papa John's located at a major intersection in Orlando, and there was a homeless guy who would come in at exactly 5:00 p.m. every day to use the public restroom before walking out back to dig food out of the dumpster. Well, not actually out of the dumpster, but from a table next to it, since we put the undelivered pizzas out for him and the other homeless guys. Anyway, he obviously didn't own a watch (his sleeves were usually rolled up), but he always walked in at 5:00 on the dot. Wasn't even thrown off by Daylight Savings time.

[vivalostwages]

Oh, man, Mrs BomTek would be awesome at this game! But I've got a few that we've created just during this deployment...
Snidely Whiplash- always, ALWAYS, looks like he just got back from tying someone to the train tracks. The funny thing is, military regs prevent him from having an actual Snidely-type mustache, but we all agree he'd have one if he could.
Volleyball Girl- just a leggy brunette who looks like she would play volleyball. I think she looks like Seth Rogen's mom in Observe And Report probably did when she was 20 years old.
Shaving Waiver Guy- none of have the balls to just ask him if he actually has a shaving waiver, but he's persistently sporting a fairly full beard.
[snip.

silly civilian question: Is it even possible to obtain a shaving waiver?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Library Ragamuffin lady: This woman appears to be in her 70s and hangs out occasionally at the.....guess it...........library. She wears layers upon layers upon layers of clothing, gowns, rags, all colors. She also carries a milk carton around, plus a box with stuff in it. Her head has several scarves wrapped around it. She goes into the library to use the phone (she sounds perfectly lucid on it and has a nice voice) and computer.

[JuliaSqueezer]

The IGOTTANEW family. They lived next door to my parents. The two little daughters would run over to may parents' house whenever they saw someone outside, and take turns yelling "I gotta new dress!" "I gotta new hair bow!" ad infinitum.

As it turned out, they were driving the whole neighborhood crazy. The parents were, needless to say, of an acquisitive nature. They were also quite strange, in a socially inept way. They ended up in bankruptcy, losing their house to foreclosure back in the 80's. Sad family, who rejoiced in buying new stuff on credit. We often wonder whatever happened to the IGottaNew family.

[vivalostwages]

Updates:

Jammie Man does indeed live in the house where he always hangs out on the front porch. He gets sent outside whenever he smokes. But he always faces the screen door so he can talk to the man (his son?) inside. The younger man rarely comes outside. There are also a couple of women there but they are rarely visible.

Unfriendly Toddler now has a younger sibling. We do not yet know how friendly or unfriendly it will be since we've only seen it once or twice in a stroller.

[pbbth]

I used to work with a woman I dubbed Thumbelina. She would lower her head a bit and lift one hand to sort of mask her face and then stick her thumb in her mouth and suck on it like she was 2 years old. This messed up her teeth so badly that her front teeth stuck out so far that she couldn't close her lips around them without a serious amount of effort.

[Fearless Leader]

To one who works out at my gym:

Fancy Dancy Pants.

He wears bright orange shorts and is always jamming to his iPod.

[Sternvogel]

silly civilian question: Is it even possible to obtain a shaving waiver?

Yes, although it's not always easy (http://openjurist.org/87/f3d/1320/maisano-v-daniels) to obtain or retain one.

[Minnie Luna]

There is a girl at work who looks like a prettier, skinnier version of Jenna_Bush (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jenna_Bush). She is of course called "Jenna Bush".

[Chicken Fingers]

Mr. Wankerton was a young single guy who lived in the apartment building across from us. Many evenings he would lie on his couch watching porn, drearily masturbating. He never thought to close the blinds. We were overjoyed when he finally started dating someone, someone who closed the blinds.

[HepToTheJive]

TDH — short for "Tall, Dark and Handsome" although we never used those words he was the Single Man who lived in the studio next to us. We shared a wall and he seemed like a pretty lonely guy now that I think about it. Just a recent grad student trying to make his way in the world. Although that last sentence is all conjecture. All I really remember is the time my friend and I did an a cappella version of "Seven Nation Army" and he banged on the wall rather loudly. I never did see his face.

BMOC — Short for "Big Man On Campus" of course. He was the next neighbor I had. I don't think he had a single thing in his apartment. Weird Smells came from there all the time. I'm beginning to forget how he was named "BMOC" since he wasn't college aged or the sporting type. It made sense at the time.

Pushups Guy — He was the guy who used to offer to do pushups for me for drugs. How can you do pushups for someone?

The "That's How you Treat a Slut!" Guy — He was the guy who would go around and ask you a question and then respond with the non-sequitur that is his namesake.

Father Time — He hung out at the little park near the grocery store. Very sad, wise-looking old man.

[vivalostwages]

Shower Boy: I gave this moniker to my neighbor's teenage son because he looooooooved to sing in the shower. Um, yeah. I just realized that the nickname had nothing to do with music. But then, neither did his singing.

[Mudshark]

Magic Socks - a woman who works in one of the other rooms at work, and wears hospital socks with her sandals. She only wears the hospital socks with the sandals. When she wears her regular shoes, she has on regular socks.

Mustang Sallya.k.a Big Red - She used to come in to the gas station I worked at. Drove a red Mustang, always wore a red shirt had Red hair, smoked Marlboro Reds.

Rod Stewart - A man in his 50's, with 1970's Rod Stewart style hair, used to come in to the gas station.

Belfast Bonnie - An older woman who would come in to the store and buy cigarettes for her whole family. The Belfast part was because she always wore an sweatshirt that said "Ireland" on it.

[Silophant]

Terrible Smelling Kid - When I come in late to calc discussion, I have to sit in the last remaining seat, which is always by this one guy who smells terrible. It's not B.O, it's just a bad smell. I feel sorry for him, because I'm forced to assume he can't do anything about it.

[Crowbar of Irony +3]

The Level 99 Archmage: He haunted the MacDonalds near my church (when I used to go to church), thin, with pale skin, and had long hair. Without fail, in his arms would be a number of D&D 3.5 source-books. He was a fixture at the MacDonalds there that I spot him almost every week, and according to my friends, saturdays as well. I never spot him GMing or at a game though. Weekdays even (the mall where the Mac is a hub for cyber-gaming)

The Parrot Trainer: An interesting sight at my old home. At times when I go running at the nearby park, I would spot this athletic guy who ran with a parrot perched on his shoulder (no, he's not missing an eye). He would do his warm-up and warm-down with the parrot on too. He had a string tied to its leg. It was kind of cool.

[BobLibDem]

Tim Conway's Mother A deli clerk at the local supermarket. So named because she moves as if rigor mortis is setting in, reminding us of Tim Conway's old man character on the Carol Burnett show.

The Yippy Yappies Neighbors to our rear, owners of two little wastes of fur dogs that yip and yap when we're out when they are.

The Yippy Nappies Incredibly un-PC term for the young black kids a few houses down that jump on their trampoline and shriek endlessly when the weather is warm. So called as we noticed them when the Don Imus saga was playing out.

Aunt Bee An old lady that we meet on our dog walk sometimes that could talk the legs off a chair and knows everything about everyone in the neighborhood.

The Sour Krauts German family on our street that never smile or wave or anything.

[BurnMeUp]

Cyborgs -- People who are very conspicuous in their use of Bluetooth earpieces. They wear them always, and are often on "I'm a businessman!"-type calls (you know, the people yapping stuff like "So I talked to Bob and he quoted thirteen-five, and I said no effing way, Bob, you've known me longer than that, and...". I used to work in a Staples copy center, and we'd get several of these people every day who wouldn't pause their conversation in order to talk to us.

Ahh the "douchetooth"

[vivalostwages]

Terrible Smelling Kid - When I come in late to calc discussion, I have to sit in the last remaining seat, which is always by this one guy who smells terrible. It's not B.O, it's just a bad smell. I feel sorry for him, because I'm forced to assume he can't do anything about it.

Could be malfunctioning kidneys. WAG.

[Skara_Brae]

There is this guy who goes to my gym who I have dubbed Buff Sheldon. Because he looks just like Jim Parsons from The Big Bang Theory, except, you know, buff.

[Sailboat]

On my morning bus ride there are several regulars I have given my own private nicknames to.

The Federal Artist -- she's Asian, her hair is graying a bit, and she has an air of defeated or stifled creativity about her. I pretend she's an artist who works on some kind of Federal project with too much oversight.

Christopher Walken Junior -- just looks like him enough that the name springs to mind.

Arlene -- looks like a nice woman I used to work with named Alrene.

Francine -- Always smiling to herself. Never talks. She has a large nose but is quite beautiful; I wonder if she knows that the nose works for her. I just think she looks like a Francine.

Frenchy -- Looks like she's actually from France; has a sort of European worldiness. Probably in actuality a rollergirl from Cleveland.

Mrs. Peachbottom -- white-haired but slim older lady. She wears tight, tight slacks and has, well, a great bottom, which she sort of emphasizes. It's kind of a strange contrast.

Mr. Mean -- has harangued the bus drivers over minor things a few times. Often consults his watch theatrically if he thinks we are running late.

Angry Young Man -- has been thrown off the bus once, after a memorable fight that began when he perceived the bus driver greeted other people and ignored him. Looks Mediterranean or maybe Middle-Eastern. Has been quiet recently. I wonder if I should worry about him.

The Dignified Gentleman -- well-dressed white-haired gent who moves with deliberation and appears calm and satisfied at all times.

Red -- redhead with spectacular hair. Haven't seen her in a while.

Two-Tone -- Tall gentleman; the graying hair on the side of his head and his temples does not match the startlingly darker hairpiece on top. I am baffled that he wears something so glaringly different-colored that even I notice it. He dresses well and might even be considered good-looking, but the comical two-tone effect looks like something out of a Mr. Bean sketch. His deportment is very grand; I wonder if he knows?

[Milossarian]

The downstairs neighbor at our former apartment was "The Slammer."

Due to her parents never teaching her how to properly shut a door.

[gonzomax]

A guy at my workout club shows up at least 3 times a week and just does one machine. He has been doing it for years and has a strange build. When I refer to Mr. Pullover ,everyone knows who I mean.

[Stathol]

McVeigh -- A very quiet guy I used see at the bus station on a pretty regular basis. He doesn't really look like his namesake; he just looks like the sort of guy who would stockpile assault rifles and blow up buildings.

[lexi]

My usual bus to work has always had an interesting array of characters.

It is quite an interesting route, there are office workers, hotel employees, IT workers, blue collar workers, and retail workers - there are quite a variety of different people.

First there was Metal Krishna who went from headbanger leather jackets & long strawberry blond hair to shaving his head, all except a pony tail like a Hare Krishna & wearing one of those hippy hemp pull over coats.

Then there was Mr. Jazz Beard, who once was not too bad looking, but started wearing knitted caps - ala jazz musician & grew the jazz beard (think goatee but no mustache & rather scraggly).

There also used to be King Rockabilly - he wore a leather jacket & had a pompadour you would not believe. He didn't take the bus every day, but perhaps a classic car or motorcycle was not in working condition from time to time.

Then there was 1980's lady. She has a perm & shoulder pads. She looks just like everyone's mom back in 1984 or so.

Then there is unibrow mom with unibrow baby... Probably the least attractive mother & daughter I have ever seen in my life, both with a unibrow the shape of a seagull

And there is a hair styling school on my bus route, which have brought a plethora of interesting creatures, such as wannabe-teenage hooker, 40 year old mom in her daughter's clothing, funky punker (she loved hair dye & her hair color was different from day to day) & miss egads! she cuts her own hair!

There are also the special young adults, who work at the Ikea cafeteria & proudly wear their special olympics pins, and have no understanding of using their inside voices. They speak very loudly to each other about their lives (including sex lives), and sometimes argue between each other.

Yes, the bus is fun!

[Constant Reader]

DJ 3am He lived below me and played bad ceiling thumping techno in the wee hours of the morning.

Chris Cooper Our building's grounds manager. He looks like Chris Cooper in Adaptation. My boyfriend and I whisper "proboscis" to each other after seeing him.

Snowbabies This must be said in your best Paula Deen accent. She is an old manager of mine who was very very excited about Hallmark Snowbabies.

[RoniaBorkason]

Toupee - a middle-aged man at church who styles his thick, glossy, perfectly medium brown hair so that it looks like a hairpiece. We're looked as closely as we could without him noticing, and its his own hair, he just styles it so unflatteringly.

[Simmerdown]

90 Degree Head Dude - a hunchback who walked around the neighborhood with a shopping cart collecting aluminum cans. His head was angled such that he was always staring directly at the ground.

Pat - he's just a regular guy with a mostly shaved head and really small feet with soft, almost cartoon-style, shoes. I usually see him on the street coming from a different direction on the way to the train station. I could make up other things about him, but mostly he's just "pat-pat-pat-pat-pat" in his little shoes.

The Waddler(s) - anyone in a public space, like a train station, who walks really slowly in front of you, often near exits or entrances, especially during rush-hour when you're in a super hurry.

[overlyverbose]

There was Box O' Rocks, a guy we interviewed at my former company who was an MD, yet could not for the life of him understand what a pharmacy benefit manager did.

Stinky feet guy, who smelled like feet, used to sit in the MetroLink near me. Waayyy too near me.

Enigma Man also rode on the MetroLink with me. He was crazy as the day is long, waving and calling hello to imaginary people outside the train as we went downtown. I was never sure whether to feel sorry for him or be jealous of him because he was always so cheerful.

DQ was short for Drama Queen, someone who worked in my building and would flip out with little to no provocation.

Mrs. Robinson was the older lady across the street who used to flirt with anything male. I liked her. She was fiesty. But she kind of creeped my husband out.

Serial Killer is our neighbor across the street. I haven't seen his wife very often, but he keeps re-cementing his walk and refuses to speak to any of his neighbors. If I didn't see her every month or so, I'd assume she was under the walkway by now.

Guitar Guy was the guy who sat on his porch swing playing the guitar and singing in the summer. I really liked him. He was very, very good and I looked forward to him every time I came up over the hill.

[Bob Ducca]

Shocker Khan and I do this a lot, both with people as well as with business names.

The upstairs neighbor is "Big Boobie Grouchy Face."

A Thai place we like, Jitlada, is known to us only as "Jizz on Alan Alda."

[Maiira]

Is this my HeyLady? Where do you live?

...Wow, I didn't even see this reply. Oops!

I think your HeyLady sounds a bit louder than my Retard Lady. RL talks very loud, but I've never actually heard her shout. And to my knowledge she doesn't demand the front seat (though admittedly she's always on the bus before me, so I wouldn't exactly know that).

I live in the Twin Cities, btw. :D

[ZenBeam]

The bright light people. One evening, there was a bright light shining in our apartment. The people across the courtyard, who had recently moved in, had a lamp sitting on the floor of their living room, with no lamp shade and about a 100 W bulb in it.

They were actually nice, normal people, and only did it that one time. They parked in the spot next to us, and had a convertible, as did I, so we talked from time to time. But once you get a nickname like that, you're branded for life. This was about fifteen years ago. I just asked my wife "Remember the bright light people?" Yep.

[vivalostwages]

He's not a stranger, but I think of one of my students as "Adam Lambert." He's got it going on, right down to the black nail polish.

[vivalostwages]

Tits McGee
Blueshirts - Typically low to mid level male consultants, attorneys, business analysts, and other professionals identified by a blue Brooks Brothers dress shirt, black dress pants, laptop bag, Blackberry and possibly a rollar suitcase if they are in the airport.
snip.

Ages ago, my friend Jerry and I used to refer to such folk as "Business Bob and Friends."

[AmericanMaid]

Sleeping Asian Birds Nest - on my subway ride home, there is this older Asian lady who is asleep the whole ride and has a messy bun on her head. If her head wasn't lolling around, it would definitely make a nice bird perch

Communist Russia Deodorant Wears You - An older working class guy with a heavy Russian accent who gets onto the subway at the same stop and time as me who stinks to high heaven.

Irish Squish Faces - I work in Boston so I see a ton of Irish guys. You can tell by their pug noses, tiny eyes, and all their features squished in the middle of their face (see Matt Damon)

Nouveau Poor - people who dress way too chi chi for public transpo.

[vivalostwages]

The Gangbanger Family: Dad dresses like it, mom is trashy, kids and dog run everywhere and get sworn at.

[3:20:59 or bust]

Backstroking Jesus - Skinny guy, with long, unkept hair and long beard (must be a grad student) that swims laps in the pool, only backstroke - nothing else, and will run over anyone else in the lane. People flee the lane in fear when the Backstrokin' Jesus comes into the pool.

The Unajuggler - A guy that rides a unicycle and juggles basketballs. Seen almost daily during the summer on the same bike path outside of town.

[Rushgeekgirl]

I had a neighbor years back we called Proud Non-Pants Wearing-Man.

He sat out on his porch every morning with a cup of coffee, wearing nothing but his tightie-whities.

[salinqmind]

Thumper (or Stampy) - a poor, old, shabby man on the bus. There was something wrong with him (duh) - he used to stamp his foot repeatedly, occasionally just a few times, sometimes really going to town and working up a sweat.

Balloon-a-tic - a poor, old, deaf mute who somehow got permission to sell, from a little shed on a city street corner, balloons. Ordinary balloons. Tied to a wooden stick. Hey, what kid wouldn't want a balloon tied to a stick?

The Garage Dweller - guy across the street who is always loitering in his open garage. Not sure what, if anything, he's doing (probably smoking), but he's out there at all times of the day or night.

Boobs LaRue - waitress whose chest entered the room before the rest of her. Yes, I'm being insulting because she was a sullen moron who felt she was too damn good for the job; give her a table of frat boys attracted by her prominent assets, though, and she perked right up, laughin' and jokin' and hangin' with her admirers while you tried in vain to pay for your food.

[salinqmind]

Forgot to mention The Prince of Darkness and his Minions. Satanic looking guy with shaved head, black 'stache, goatee, and fierce eyebrows, walking his two enormous dogs. See him coming and you'd say, here comes Satan and his hounds of hell.

Makeup Man - odd looking effeminate guy on the bus, quite homely, and his looks not at all improved by a layer of pancake makeup, blush, and lip gloss.

[Baby Driver]

I got Bulbous Dan in my creative writing workshop. He's has a bulbous nose, is mean-spirited and carries an air of superiority because he's Jewish and writes about Jewish issues and The Jewish Sadness and the rest of us goys cannot possibly hope to understand.

Bulbous Dan is not a particularly popular guy 'round these parts.

[Dante]

Dancy The Dancing Dancer - The guy who runs the coffee truck at the train station. He does this thing were he takes two dumbells and holds them behind his back, palms outward, against his buttocks. He alternates lifting them about 6 inches, while jogging in place. As soon as I seem him doing it, I immediately start with the theme song from I Dream of Jeannie. I can't help myself.

The Grumbly Twins - Two women on my train who are cartoonishly unattractive.

[twit]

In my neighborhood are Walking Mr. Miyagi and His Wife. The guy is a small Asian guy with a backpack and hat on walking in the neighborhood a lot presumably for exercise. His wife is always several paces behind him.

[vivalostwages]

The Dog Walking Posse: This is a collection of adults, kids, and dogs that all live in the same cul-de-sac nearby and travel around the neighborhood every day like an exercising posse.

The Screaming Meemies: This woman and her adult daughter live with the daughter's two young sons and start every morning by screaming at the kids at the top of their lungs. My friend J. is unfortunate enough to live next door to them. I'm just glad I don't.

[maplekiwi]

Cyborgs -- People who are very conspicuous in their use of Bluetooth earpieces. They wear them always, and are often on "I'm a businessman!"-type calls (you know, the people yapping stuff like "So I talked to Bob and he quoted thirteen-five, and I said no effing way, Bob, you've known me longer than that, and...". I used to work in a Staples copy center, and we'd get several of these people every day who wouldn't pause their conversation in order to talk to us.

I love this one & am going to use it myself!

I have

Bertha. A customer who threatened me at work. I went into shock & didn't react quickly enough. If I had complained immediately the supermarket would have trespassed her. I still see her but try to keep out of her way. She looks like Bertha from Two & a Half Men only younger & with dark hair.

Methusalah Not a stranger but only talked to him once. He has a bad arm so was moved into the laundry, which is the only job without heavy lifting. He can't get anything right. he claimed to be colour blind so all laundry is now renamed in really big letters. Its still all going astray & I think he is literally blind. I was a defender cause I though our firm (in a rare moment of soft heartedness) was giving him a job till retirement - but he is 76! Either he is related to the boss (they look a bit alike) or he has something on him! (I kid, I kid!)

[dnooman]

Rocket Boobies used to work at a now defunct record store. They were just, like, in your face! People stared unabashedly, and I don't think she minded at all.

[BigBertha]

I love this one & am going to use it myself!

I have

Bertha. A customer who threatened me at work. Wasn't me!

[notfrommensa]

My girlfriend lives about a block away from, and across the street from her is a real nosey busy-body. We call her Gladys, as in Gladys Kravitz from Bewitched.

There is young man, slightly overweight that has a really rosy complexion particularly his cheeks. He is called Revlon.

There is nursing home nearby and there is a short gentleman who walks around the block about 3 or 4 times a day. He takes very small steps and drags his feet while he walks. We call him Buffalo, as in Shufflin' off to Buffalo.

[Sister Vigilante]

Naked Guy - the guy who, at a high school party, disrobed and ran around the premises naked.

[troubledwater]

I feel really bad that I think of one woman at the gym as the Potato Woman. I am sure that she is nicer than the Bimbos on Treadmills, Lipstick Ladies (full makeup at the gym - why?!), or Steroid Suzie. Potato Woman has been going to the gym for years, seems to be much more diligent than I am - but is simply potato-shaped, and that's that.

[The Devil's Grandmother]

At my gym there's Chatty Cathy, a male trainer who never stops talking. He's very fit, and seems like a nice guy. The other regular trainer is the Quiet Man. There's also Stick Boy, a younger trainer who carries a long dowel, I think he uses it to measure something.
Other gym regulars include The Professor, an older guy who sits on machines to correct what looks like student papers; the Three Little Pigs, several young men who are always there together; and Bright Socks, a lady who wears bright pink or blue socks and uses the stair-master.

[Bloody L]

Pole-Guy: On the way to work I often see this very athletic man running with a heavy-looking pole down the side of the street or on the median. He holds it as though it was a spear and he were a tribesman hunting deer.

Bus-Woman: She's this tired-looking, overweight woman who could be from 30-50 (she just looks very tired and has long grey hair so it's hard to tell) who is always standing at the bus stop. I pass her every morning in the car on the way to work. Rain or shine, she's out there with a newspaper or an umbrella. I feel so sorry for her in the winter when it's cold and she's all bundled up. She looks kind of sad and lonely..I just want to hug her! She used to wear a uniform for the Blue Plate Cafe (which is down the street from my work) but they closed it down.
On the rare occasion that I don't see her it actually bothers me for a bit. Call it OCD (her being a stranger I've never talked to) but not witnessing her strength in the morning sets me off my morning routine.

[Bloody L]

Also I just remembered The Strangler but he's not a complete stranger. I sort of met him when my cousin and I were at a community lake. It's this 25ish year old husky man with shaggy hair cut mercilessly short. He's got a lot of chunky arm muscle and looks like he could wring your neck like a dish rag. He always wears a stained wife beater and deniem jeans.

It doesn't help that he's creepy and hits on my cousin a lot. He keeps showing up at parties that we're at and at a rock show I attended recently. I had never felt such strong primal instincts of fear and danger when I first met him and the feeling still lingers.

[Mr. Duality]

The guy at the entrance to our local landfill who apparently runs the place is Captain Trash. He's a talker. I get a kick out of it when I see him leaning on a vehicle ahead of me in line and ( if the driver is female) dry humping it.

IRL I am Captain Efficient. I've been doing basically the same work for 24 years but every year I come up with new ways to save energy.

[Infovore]

There was this woman I went to college with--she wasn't quite a stranger, because I did know her name, though I didn't interact with her. My nickname for her was "Trekkie Weirdo" because she was *obsessed* with Star Trek, and got very irate and loudly argumentative if anyone ever disagreed with her interpretations of "the canon."

Oddly, the spouse (who also went to college with me) had his own independent nickname for her from before we met: "Psycho Woman". That one fit pretty well too. :)

[Serenata67]

At my last apartment building, I had

Creepy Asian Guy (aka The Craisan): His apartment was on the second floor, facing the parking lot. He would sit at a table by the window all the time and just stare at people. I was going through a bit of a slutty phase, and I always felt really weird bringing people home when he was staring at me.

Perkins dude: Perkins dude was an older man (retired) who would catch the bus to every morning around 11 and come home around 2, always carrying a bag from Perkins and a travel cup. It took me three years to realized he was doing this nearly every day... I wasn't home much during the day, but when I finally realized it, I felt a little sad for him.

The Orgy: In the apartment below me, one particularly quiet night, I heard people having sex. Okay, that's fine. Within the next 10-15 minutes or so, I heard 4 different names. It was hard to fall asleep with that going on below me. I started hearing it about two or three times a month... so I bought a TV for my bedroom.

[Infovore]

Just remembered another one, reminded by The Orgy above:

The Fuck You Brians. These were a couple who lived in the apartment below us many years ago. They would leave their window open (summer, no AC) and get into very loud arguments at 4 in the morning (I think the husband was in the military and worked odd hours). I called them this because that was one of the most common things I would hear the wife screaming at the top of her lungs (the husband didn't raise his voice much--it was mostly the wife, who I think was usually quite drunk).

They got so loud one time that somebody called the police on them...and the police knocked on *our* door at 4 a.m. to ask if somebody had hit our car. Weird. Anyway, we moved shortly thereafter. It wasn't all the FYBs' fault, but they were definitely factored in our decision.

[vivalostwages]

Stevie Nicks Jr.: This woman is in a night class I'm taking. She is always dressed in long flowing dresses, high heeled boots, has long frizzy blonde hair.

Bingo Bitch: This unpleasant older woman did nothing but complain, gripe, and hurl insults at other people at our table during bingo until I told her to shut up. She called me a nasty young lady. I replied that I was sick of listening to her. Then she went 180 degrees and started acting nice to everyone.

[leftfield6]

Cockroach Ear - My wife's nephew who has his damned bluetooth thingee shoved in his ear all the time like he's waiting to close a multi-million dollar real estate deal, except for the fact he works part time at Radio Shack.

[leftfield6]

Ohh, I forgot to mention Norman. Any over friendly, too eager to make conversation front desk employee at a hotel. Bates Motel reference, of course.

[jlzania]

I sell chicken at a farmers market on Saturday and it's hard to get to know all the customers names right away.
So we have The Breast Sisters (who always buy our chicken breast packs and have rather large tata's of their own), and Box Chicken Man (carries his groceries in a cardboard box) and Thigh Guy (buys leg packs only) to name a few.

[Walmarticus]

Sideburnadette is what I called a waitress at a place I frequented.

[wheresmymind]

Cigarette Lady, after a woman who lived up the street with some obvious mental and/or substance abuse problems. She'd ask anyone she passed on the street for a cigarette. We later changed her name to The Lady Who Delivered Her Baby In the Porta-Potty after she, well, delivered (and left) her baby in a porta-potty at a park nearby. She's now in a state mental hospital, and the baby was fine.

[dogbutler]

The Beastmaster and the Beastmistress. 2 alcoholics who buy large quantities of Milwaukee's Best from the BP in my shopping enter. The Beastmistress is famous for wanting to buy beer 15 minutes before it's legal to sell, and wanting to get cash back on her EBT card.

[Rhiannon8404]

Ping-pong Guy lives across the street 3 doors down. When he first moved in about 8 years ago, he and his buddies were always playing ping-pong in the garage. He dated and is now married to yep, you got it...Ping-Pong Girl whose name I just found out is Sherry and whose dog is Lucas. They really keep to themselves, and I've only spokend to them a handful of times in all these years.

[Bam Boo Gut]

I feel really bad that I think of one woman at the gym as the Potato Woman. I am sure that she is nicer than the Bimbos on Treadmills, Lipstick Ladies (full makeup at the gym - why?!), or Steroid Suzie. Potato Woman has been going to the gym for years, seems to be much more diligent than I am - but is simply potato-shaped, and that's that.

I feel bad about Spud He's got a nice face, but right in the middle it looks like someone just took a potato and threw it at him - his nose.

[EvilTOJ]

I remember back in my old neighborhood, there was a guy who looked just like Bob Ross (Who, if you don't know his name, he's Paint the Little Happy Trees Guy) who drove a bright purple 1995-ish Ford Taurus. The license plate said HAZE. His nickname? Purple Haze, of course.

I always see Drunk Guy riding the train home at 7:30 AM when I'm going home from work. The actual person varies, but there seems to be a drunk guy on the train at all times.

I suspect I'm known as The Dude since I tend to look like him when I'm out in public. My neighbors probably think I'm The Recluse since I rarely venture outside.

[Stan Shmenge]

Years ago, my brother worked in an office that looked out on Hollywood Blvd, at street level. The Blvd. has a slight grade along that section, and every day at the same time, tall, thin black guy dressed in black, with a black hat and a cape, would cruise down the street on his skateboard with one arm extended upward at a 45 degree angle in front of him clenched in a fist. We called him Zorro.

In Los Feliz, there was a lady we would see walking all over the place who always wore mom jeans and a white buttoned shirt, tucked in. We called her The Walking Lady. Sometimes we would see her several times a day, always walking.

There is another lady in the Los Feliz/Hollywood area, who is still around. Saw her a couple of weeks ago. She always dresses in purple. Purple hat, purple shoes, purple stockings, purple dress. The Purple Lady. One time we saw her in her car. It was green. :confused: She is frequently in the CopyMat at Sunset and Wilcox, copying up a storm. Probably copies of her purple manifesto.

There is another guy in Hollywood that has a hat that has a bunch of branches sticking out of it. He is Bushman.

There is another lady, who goes all over the Hollywood/Los Feliz area dropping little piles of pigeon food, even in areas where there are no pigeons. The Pigeon Lady.

There used to be a man who would go into the Lucky (now Albertsons) in Los Feliz, wearing a plastic shopping back over his head. He would freak out and get angry when the checker would touch his items. Dude, don't you think somebody touched your items when they PUT THEM ON THE SHELF?!? They eventually banned him from the store, which was fine as he was kind of scary and freaked out my girlfriend. Of course, he was Baghead.

Yeah, I know, not very creative names, but that's what we call them.

I guess it is kind of comforting to know that we don't have a monopoly on the mental cases in Hollywood, although we probably have a higher concentration than anywhere else in the world.

Is there a name for the kind of illness that a lot of the subjects of this thread suffer from?

[Siam Sam]

A Thai place we like, Jitlada, is known to us only as "Jizz on Alan Alda."

Alas, the actual Thai pronunciation of that is "Chit-ra-lada." It's the name of the royal palace. (Although Thai has both the J and hard-Ch sounds, Ch is frequently transliterated as a J, for reasons unknown.)

[Bakhesh]

Down at my gym, in amongst all the people working up a sweat on treadmills, crosstrainers etc, there is a woman who is always doing yoga. She is there pretty much every night, and is not too bad at it either. In my head, she is known as 'Bendy Wendy'

[elmwood]

At a coffee shop where I find myself hanging out from time to time:

Hong Kong Fooey. A white guy whose facial hair resembles a 1950s-era stereotypical image of a wise Chinese man. For some reason, he has a large clump of hair tied up in a ball on top of his head.

The Guru. With unkempt long hair and a beard, this guy is a dead ringer for Richard Stallman (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Stallman), right down to the body odor. Always reading a book, or in a deep philosophical discussion with a few other people. If he's got a computer at home, it's probably running some Linux distro.

The Amazon Pen Goddess. Probably a trophy wife in the recent past. Early 40s, 5' 10", 125 pounds, long blond hair, and a bust that leaves one wondering whether it's real or fake. Usually wearing high heeled boots and an outfit that probably set her back a couple thousand bucks at one of the nearby foo-foo boutiques. She always manages to get one of the rare, prized tables with a nearby plug, where she'll set up a lamp and doodle for hours.

Little Red Haired Girl. Short, somewhat curvy, curly red-haired woman who always wears tight sweaters. She's so adorable, you just want to hug her.

The Cat Women. Not to be confused with cat hoarders, these are the women what work in a nearby salon, all of which are gorgeous, and all of which wear black catsuit-like outfits. A blond woman who drops in for coffee every hour from the salon is Queen of the Cat Women.

The Compass Fuckers. Any one of the many, many yoga moms who are more-or-less indistinguishable; late 20s to early 30s, 5' 5" to 5' 6", slender, blond hair pulled through a baseball cap, and buttcrack-hugging black yoga pants. I call them Compass Fuckersrs because they all wear black North Face Denali jackets - so much North Face, a compass won't work here.

[Katriona]

Down at my gym, in amongst all the people working up a sweat on treadmills, crosstrainers etc, there is a woman who is always doing yoga. She is there pretty much every night, and is not too bad at it either. In my head, she is known as 'Bendy Wendy'


That's definitely not me (though my real name is Wendy)!

We had The Mad Flosser. When we first moved to Kansas City, we worked close enough to each other that sharing a car was no biggie, but it required precision timing to get us both to work on time. This always put us right behind the guy who would floss very dramatically at every stoplight.

[Ludovic]

I suspect I'm known as The Dude since I tend to look like him when I'm out in public. There's a guy at the gaming store I go to that I call That Guy, cause he looks like That Guy from beer and car commercials (i.e. five o clock shadow and a perpetually dazed look.)

[elmwood]

A few more:

The Stock Photo: tall, trim, square-jawed man in his late 20s or early 30s, always wearing an expensive suit, and always typing away furiously at his Blackberry. He looks like he stepped out of some corporate stock photo.

The Odd Couple: blond Abercombie-looking male college student who is always with a female college student ... who wears an abaya. When I see them, I can't help but think "You know, this is a great country."

The Clone Couples: any number of gay male couples where both partners are almost completely identical in their overall appearance; build, hairstyle, dress, facial structure and so on. "How do you now they're gay?" The trademark inflection.

[Peter Doubt]

'Lambchop' = She had curly hair, no chin, and the brains of a sock-puppet

[Mister Owl]

I give people nicknames all the time. Over the years many of them have actually stuck and became a nickname they used themselves. However, there is one that I'm absolutely going to be be sent to hell for. There is a guy I used to frequently see around the neighborhood where my office is. Nice guy, I believe he worked at one of the nearby restaurant/delis. One of his arms is short, about half the size it should be. What did I start referring to him as when talking with my boss (who is just as sick and twisted as I am?) Nemo.

[multimediac17]

Flip Flop was a constantly drunken woman who would sit and wait for the bus outside the apartment block where my grandparents used to live. She always wore, you guessed it, flip flops. We've always called those shoes "thongs", so the name came from the noise she made as she flip flopped up to the bus stop every day. She used to carry one of those little flasks in her handbag.

My grandfather and I would sit on the balcony and watch her. He had seen her so many times that he knew exactly what she would do before she did it - that's how tight her routine was. "She'll start blowing her nose now, you watch", he'd say. And of course, Flip Flop would then pull out a hankie and proceed to blow her nose for ten minutes. Good old Flip Flop, I often wonder what happened to her.

[vivalostwages]

Another person we've met while walking the neighborhood:

Hello Ladies: We don't know this guy's name, but he says this to us every time we walk past his house.

[6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast]

Dragon Woman, The Floating Head, and Pale-Face Adios are all nicknames I've given to my stepmother. She is a stranger to me, so it counts.

Dragon Woman is pretty self-explanatory, and devised during my younger, more literal years.

The Floating Head transpired because everytime I see a photo of her she's trying desperately to conceal her bus-sized body behind at least 4 people, and thus always ends up The Floating Head.

Pale-Face Adios (the name of a once-great racehorse) came about not because she's a horse (or that she was once great) - but because her face is drained of colour and I wish she'd go away.

Other strangers of the category where you don't know their real name, include Plague Master Nasty (yeah, really you don't wanna know) and Tutankhamun - which covers the sideshow of both he who honks his horn for the 5.30am pickup and his mate who yells "COMIN'!"

[surrounded by literalists]

Im not very creative. Mostly I just think, "Dumbass"

[BigBertha]

Thanks for reviving this. The WHAT man. He goes to the local gas station, and every few seconds yells What!?
Yep.

[vivalostwages]

Quiet Homeless Guy: He hangs out by the local post office and never asks anyone for a thing, but people walk by and hand him stuff.

Classified Dragon lady: She is classified staff at my campus and is the terror of the faculty--but mainly because some of them don't fill out their paperwork correctly, get it in on time, etc. so perhaps the name is not deserved.

[TexasDriver]

God's Gift to Women - or at least he thought so. I found out the women were laughing behind his back because he always seemed to wear white boxer shorts with big red splotches (hearts?) under his thin white pants. Apparently he never noticed, but the women did. Or maybe he did know and did it on purpose?

[F. U. Shakespeare]

There was a guard at a checkpoint in Baghdad who was a soldier from Georgia (think Stalin, not Jimmy Carter). We encountered him daily.

He was the most expressionless human being I have ever seen. You've heard of poker faces? This guy had a poker body.

He would hold his hand up in a halting gesture as you drove up, and then rotate it about a millimeter. This constituted his waving you through. He never seemed to understand our confusion.

We dubbed him Smiley.

[xanthous]

I call this one dude at work Breakfast Club because he very obviously dresses like John Bender every day.

[salinqmind]

Driving home we come to an intersection, and on one side is a bank and a car wash, and wedged in between them is a small, incredibly dilapidated house. (the kind with window blinds hanging askew). Sitting there on the pressurized-wood porch that was tacked on are a couple we call Salt and Pepper, a middle-aged black gent, and a fat middle-aged white lady. In good weather, they're always there, inhaling the traffic fumes and gazing at the view (the gas station across the street). I've seen them there for the last 2-3 years and wish I knew what the deal with them is.

[Orionizer]

The Rednecks - Live behind me and every single thing this guy buys has to be the LOUDEST, MOST ANNOYING thing known to man. The loudest chainsaw, blower, mower, EVERYTHING. His kid also has a 4-wheeler that he drives back and forth on the edge of their land about 50 ft each way for hours at a time.

The Taliban - Across the street from me. They leave their house unoccupied for months at a time, then show up all of a sudden for a couple of days. I think they're training in one of those camps in Afghanistan.

The Whore - Lives a couple houses down from The Taliban. She moved in and had some guy staying with her. Then some other guy moves in and first guy leaves. Now every time 2nd guy goes out of town, 1st guy comes back.

[salinqmind]

I have a redneck too, living next door! Exact same deal. He has, in addition, a loud riding mower. There's a hot tub on his deck and we are treated to the increasingly LOUD conversations with his guests, and the crash of beer bottles being flung into a trash can, long into the night. And his son has a snowmobile that he revs up, rides around and around and around the house, and then takes off down the common area behind the houses all down the block. Like a Mountie persuing a miscreant in the great white north.

[scamartistry]

"The stressed old lady behind me at the supermarket, that is freaking the f out because i do not put the divider down- between her groceries and mine" -that person

[scamartistry]

The Whore - Lives a couple houses down from The Taliban. She moved in and had some guy staying with her. Then some other guy moves in and first guy leaves. Now every time 2nd guy goes out of town, 1st guy comes back.[/QUOTE]

she is only a whore if she gets paid. There is nothing wrong with casual sex mind you.

[Orionizer]

The Whore - Lives a couple houses down from The Taliban. She moved in and had some guy staying with her. Then some other guy moves in and first guy leaves. Now every time 2nd guy goes out of town, 1st guy comes back.

she is only a whore if she gets paid. There is nothing wrong with casual sex mind you.[/quote]

To me, if it's no big deal, why is she hiding it (only when the other guy is out of town)?

[Orionizer]

I have a redneck too, living next door! Exact same deal. He has, in addition, a loud riding mower. There's a hot tub on his deck and we are treated to the increasingly LOUD conversations with his guests, and the crash of beer bottles being flung into a trash can, long into the night. And his son has a snowmobile that he revs up, rides around and around and around the house, and then takes off down the common area behind the houses all down the block. Like a Mountie persuing a miscreant in the great white north.

I have a 5 year old who I get for the day on Sunday. Never fails, when he's laying down for his nap, the boy is riding that damn thing.

Also forgot to say, they added a pool to their backyard, too. Loud parties with drunks all summer long. Also should state the distance between the back of their house to their fence is only about 30-40 feet if that...

[Orionizer]

Forgot another one:

Freaky Pedophile - Lives in the culdesac right down the street. Pulls out of his culdesac and goes up into mine (no way out that way), drives around really slow watching everybody, then goes out of the neighborhood, like he's cruising for kids or something. This happens at least a couple times a day - drives my dogs nuts, so it does me too.

[Orionizer]

Drool Girl had some sort of salivation problem, as well as a severe speech impediment. She would be wearing a thick , high turtle neck sweater, and the collar was always soaked with drool. Plus she'd have a tissue she'd dab at her mouth with. When she spoke...oh, even just typing this makes me gag. It was very hard to wait on her.

I had an algebra teacher in high school that did this, too (no speech impediment tho). She would drool on the overhead in class - GAG!

[Paintcharge]

The Swamies are my parents next door neighbors. The husband looks remarkably like the swami from All of Me (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086873/).

[Orionizer]

The Low Talker: She was a waitress at the same restaurant. She also worked at Super Valu. She spoke so quietly that I never understood a word she said. (I always referred to speaking with her as "agreeing to wear the puffy shirt", which is a reference to the Seinfeld episode in which Jerry can't understand a quiet woman who asks him a question, and he accidentally agrees to wear a huge puffy shirt on TV.)

But I don't WANNA be a pirate! ;)

[vivalostwages]

Another one we've gotten to know by walking the neighborhood:

Snooty Nose-in-the-Air: This gal has nothing but a sour expression when she walks her dog and refuses to say hello or acknowledge anyone else. Not that it's required, but this sure doesn't come off as shyness.

Cute little fella: A preschool-aged, adorable boy who is always having fun on his little scooter or a ball.

[vivalostwages]

[QUOTE=Orionizer;13626561]The Rednecks - Live behind me and every single thing this guy buys has to be the LOUDEST, MOST ANNOYING thing known to man. The loudest chainsaw, blower, mower, EVERYTHING. His kid also has a 4-wheeler that he drives back and forth on the edge of their land about 50 ft each way for hours at a time.

The Taliban - Across the street from me. They leave their house unoccupied for months at a time, then show up all of a sudden for a couple of days. I think they're training in one of those camps in Afghanistan.
snipQUOTE]

My friend's mom (RIP) used to think that the people across the street were "the Terrorists" because, she said, "they come home, go right into the house, and don't talk to anybody."

(Actually, that sounds like most people I know, including me at least some of the time!)

[campp]

The Angry Balding Man - Used to live across the street and would always scream things at his kids, constantly pissed off. Eventually we called them collectively The Angry Balding Family.

The Mad Greek - An old man a few houses down. I have no idea if he was Greek, but he had a gigantic grey head of hair and would blare opera at uncanny hours of the night. He walked a lot with huge army boots on.

The Snap-On Compound - So named because the family owns a Snap-On franchise and truck. Everything they do somehow connects with Snap-On. This has not been a commercial endorsement.

The Man With No Shoes - Actually had shoes, but they were made of mummy scraps or something. He would shuffle up and down a major street near here.

Sir Snacks-a-Lot - Is a local kid who was keen on his King Arthur sword and helmet. Plus he was pudgy.

Now I'm wondering what my neighbors call us? :eek:

[Snickers]

So glad this got zombiefied - it's a good read.

When I lived with my sister in an apartment, we had Intrepid Man. So called because he had a red Dodge Intrepid that he was very proud of. And always parked in front of our apartment.

Now there's this team of four guys that sit in front of us at Vikings games. (We have season tickets.) They're all 30ish, former frat boys that tend to take the game too seriously. I've dubbed the ringleader Mr. Football. He seems to think he knows a lot about the game (he's usually wrong) and believes that the actions of the player whose jersey he's wearing that game reflect well on his own self (they don't).

He's accompanied to most games by his buddy, which I haven't yet named. However, I think I'll start calling him The Slut - he and Mr. Football brought dates to a game a while back, and The Slut spent most of his time makking on his girl. In the second half, they "snuck" off somewhere to have sex, though it was painfully obvious to the whole section what had gone on when they returned.

One time they brought Heineken Boy. Nice guy, but drunk. Oof. I mean, you expect a level of intoxication at any sporting event, but wow. But he was nicer and more respectful than Mr. Football and The Slut, so I'll take the drunkenness.

I wonder if they'll sit in front of us again this year.

[vivalostwages]

Exercising Asian Lady: Exactly what it sounds like...an elderly Asian lady who hangs out, literally, on the steps by a local video store and hangs on the railings, exercising--or walking up and down the sidewalk in front of the store, clapping her hands once, swinging them back behind her, then up again in front of her to clap them again.

[CanvasShoes]

Chimney Bitch - this lady moved into the condo directly under mine (lived there for about 6 months) and smoked constantly, it would seep in though my fireplace (yes, some crappy building design or another I'm sure, the fireplaces also let in a lot of cold air in the winter and I winterized it which took care of the smoke too), and I was never able to go out onto my deck without her also popping out for a ciggy within 15 seconds of me going out onto the deck, not for the entire time she lived there. She'd also light up in the shared garage (HOA forbidden) until they finally put a stop to it. Oh I was so glad when she moved out!

Help! I'm talking and I can't shut up A gentleman I occasionally have the misfortune of sharing a light rail ride with. He dresses VERY nicely, always some stylish suit and drives a yellow jeep (or maybe landcruiser?). The very nano-second he sits down he pulls out his phone and starts making calls. Not "Hi, I'll be in the office in a few minutes could you pull the Jones' file" calls either, random, rambling, boooring, LOUD calls. All. of. the. Way. Into. Town. (40 minutes). He never shuts up.

Howard Hughes (in his germaphobe days) Is actually a young woman, but you can't even cough around her (not even into your hand or a napkin), she looks around all panicked-eyed, and will move. I'm sorry darling, but I'm not hacking up onto my nice clean work clothes, you'll have to deal with the fact that I'll cough into a tissue instead. You should see her when an obvious street person sits near her! :D

[Rachellelogram]

I don't go to Wendy's often, since it's inconveniently-located (I like their baked potatoes and I'd go more often if it wasn't so far out of my way!). Once every couple months since I moved here. Anyway, invariably the same guy is working there every time I go, which is weird enough in itself. I privately nicknamed him Steve, because he has Steve Buscemi eyes.

There's also The Doorbell Kid in my neighborhood. Apparently he really likes to pet my roommate's dog (a huge, beautiful Great Pyrenees). So last summer, he came by a lot in the afternoon and rang the doorbell 50 times in a row until someone answered the door (often me, since my roommate usually works until 10pm or later).

[HMS Irruncible]

King Douchebag of Asshat Valley is an executive director I used to work for. Think Michael Scott's character from The Office, except Michael Scott believes he has to do funny things to be considered funny.

[freckafree]

On our way to the high school in the morning, my son and I usually see the Obama Stink-Smile Woman and the Pooping Shiatsu Man.

The woman is a very serious walker, and the first couple of times we passed her, we thought she gave us the Obama Stink-Eye. Then she started smiling at us in greeting when we passed her.

The man was a 70-ish guy who looked incongruous walking this teeny shih tzu, which always took a teeny dump during the walk. Why he became the Pooping Shiatsu Man instead of the Pooping Shih Tzu man, I cannot say.

[VOW]

I've been HOWLING through this whole thread!

I've got really bum knees, and the doctors and the insurance company seem to think the best solution is physical therapy. I had one course of PT at a place in SCal. It was there I discovered all the horror stories about PT are TRUE. The people are always friendly, nice, smiling, all the while they are completely brutalizing your body. The head dude was happy, laughing, good-tempered the entire time he did the tortuous massages that left bruises on the sides of my knees. I asked him with a straight face if he goes home and night and cracks walnuts and brazil nuts with his bare hands?

I started calling him Darth Vader. He thought that was hilarious. I did try a few other names on him, like Grim Reaper and Boris Karloff, but Darth Vader seemed to stick.

He had an assistant who took over the torture when he wasn't working. She was a very pretty lady who had her own way of brutalizing people. I called her Maleficent or Cruella DeVil. Then I got really creative and named her Mattie, after Kathleen Turner's character in the movie Body Heat. She really liked that one.

I've been having PT when we're in AZ now. Different set-up, different treatments, but again, really, really NICE folks. The head guy I've named Snidely Whiplash. I decided to let the assistant choose his own name. My first suggestion was Gollum, and he stunned me when he said he didn't know who that was. Okay... Then I suggested Lex Luthor. He knew Lex.

It really helps to tolerate the misery these people impose on others!


~VOW

[Michael63129]

When I was a kid, there was a guy in the neighborhood I lived in then that I called the Electronics Man because of the sheer amount of broken electronics that he threw out (I'm talking about like half a dozen CRT TVs on a regular basis, almost weekly, among other things), since he was a self-employed repairman or something of that sort (given how much he threw out, I presume that he only repaired some things if it was worth it and the owners didn't care if it wasn't fixed and he didn't make them take them back). Naturally, this provided me with lots and lots of parts and I would regularly go to his house on trash night to take whatever I wanted (along with whatever was put out at other houses).

[Hallucinex]

Scrag LeBeard had a very scraggly beard

[wedgehed]

Green Panties - She sat on a park bench across from me & my buddy. Long, shapely, tanned legs that she constantly crossed & uncrossed. Oh! Did I mention this was 30+ years ago & she was wearing a mini skirt? We still talk about her.

Goober & Ellie May - They walk into the CPA office where I'm working as a tax preparer. Goober wants to know the comparative tax benefit of claiming Ellie as -

1) his wife, since he's shacked up with her
2) his daughter, since she's separated from his son.

:eek:

[Barkis is Willin']

Razor Ramon - mechanic who kinda looked like Scott Hall. Toothpick and everything.

Johnny Unitas - large woman who works in the cafeteria and has a buzz cut.

FUB - large, unfriendly woman who is a friend of a friend of a friend. I didn't know her first name for the longest time and my friends (not hers) referred to her as FUB. If friend was having a party, we'd say something like "will FUB be there? If so, I'm out."

[Filbert]

I used to work at a shop frequented by Tiny Turtle Lady- one of the other staff insisted she looked just a like a little turtle, tiny, always wearing lots of clothes, and slightly huched up. She looked like if you startled her, the head would just vanish into the clothing. She was lovely though, and pretty much dodged every queue, as she was so sweet and easy to deal with. I remember her doing her Christmas shopping there, and buying four boxes of chocolates, and asking if we could keep two of them behind the counter while she took the other two home, as she couldn't possibly carry all four little boxes at once...

We also had Rasta Lady- again, a lovely old lady, who was Jamaican, who came in daily, would wait until we were quiet, then would buy something and talk for ages- no-one could understand a word she said- except for the 'tank ya darlin', which she always finished with. We just smiled and nodded, and she seemed to be happy with that.

One of the most ridiculous clientele was Ab-Fab Lady- she looked and acted straight out of the sitcom. Everyone was called 'Darling', except one of the staff who she decided looked like her son, and she therefore called 'Isaac', and would always shout a greeting to, or ask after. She was constantly dippy, and would forget her money, or what she was supposed to be doing. Everything she did or said was so over-the-top it was impossible to take her seriously.

It was a crap job, but there were some great characters there. I've not even started on the local alcoholics, which were legion.

[Johanna]

The lady whose door is cater-corner from mine is nice. We smile and say hi when passing each other. But I don't know their family's name over there. So I call them the Caters. Ma Cater, Pa Cater, and the Cater Tots.

[FalconFinder]

During the summer before my sophomore year in high school, I went with a friend and her parents on a camping trip to Wisconsin Dells. We stayed at this one campground and most of the time, we had fun. However, there was this creepy guy who followed my friend and I around who we dubbed Tweeker. He wasn't ugly, but his face looked sort of tweeked in or something and that's how he got his name. He stopped by the camp one night toting a rifle telling us that if we heard any shots, he was going after a raccoon who was allegedly getting into the garbage. He seriously freaked my friend and I out and we spent a lot of time hiding from him.

Most of the other nicknames I've used are for old neighbors I've had:

Thumper & Aquaman - This couple did things in their apartment that got my imagination going. Our apartments shared a wall at the kitchen/dining areas. For a while, I thought maybe they were embalming bodies and building coffins on the other side of the wall. Aquaman was named for their penchant for running the water in the kitchen for what seemed liked HOURS. Thumper did an awful lot of banging on things in either the kitchen or dining area.

OCD Boy - This guy moved in not long after Thumper & Aquaman moved out and he drove me insane. One extremely hot summer day, he ran back and forth from his front door to his bathroom for several hours. The thumping was beyond irritating. I tried knocking on the door to tell him to cool it, but he wouldn't answer. Then, he got into the habit when he was in the shower to pull the water handle on so hard the water would WHOOSH out loudly, then he'd SLAM the handle back so the pipes would "THUNK". I was awakened at 6:15 EVERY MORNING to SHHHHHHT THUNK 12 times in repetition. That's where the OCD thing came in...

White Trailer Trash - This woman lived across the hall and had three young children -- all from different fathers. The youngest one was still in diapers. She didn't do a damn thing to control her bratty kids and they would jump around so much and so hard, stuff on my shelves would fall off! The lady who lived under her had stuff falling on her head from them. Not long before she was evicted (a very happy time after she moved), we heard she was pregnant AGAIN with yet some other guy's kid. I'm almost positive her boyfriend was behind my car being stolen back in 2003.

Creepy Polish Dude - Due to a downturn in my life, I ended up living in a dive motel for two years. For a little under a year (before I moved to a new apt) I had this creepy polish guy who lived next to me. He was always dirty and drunk. He hit on every woman at the motel. He really thought he was a ladies man. The guy was at least in his 60's and just grossed everyone out. He was loud and annoying and I hated it when he was "home".

Clompy - When I moved to the apartment I had after the motel, I had to take what I could that I could afford and in a hurry (you tend to do that when someone threatens to turn you into "ground beef") and I had no real idea how horrible that complex was. A (now ex) friend lived there and things seemed OK in her buildings, so I figured things would be OK. I was SO wrong! I could hear things in the 5 other apartments around me! Clompy was my upstairs neighbor who couldn't walk softly to save his life. This annoying jackass would literally clomp around everywhere in the apartment and drove me to distraction (this when he wasn't playing the same song over and over for several hours. I will never like the song Lake Shore Drive again). It was like he wore Frankenstein shoes or something! He'd clomp around in his kitchen (which was right over my living room) for four hours at a time without stopping. It was a horrible place to live. There was no peace to be had and I'm so glad not to be living there any more!

I've been in my current apt for a year now and until last month had nice, quiet neighbors. A salve to my frayed nerves, to be sure. However, in the middle of last month, I acquired a new neighbor who doesn't quite have a nickname yet. It is supposed to be a single guy who has a baby that is supposed to visit on the weekends. However, that's not the case. I'm pretty sure his girlfriend's living there, too. The last two sets of tenants who lived across the hall I could never hear -- and one of them had a 3-4 year old! These people have not only played their TV and music too loudly, but they have to have loud conversations in the hall and constantly have people over. Which wouldn't be so bad, except that they don't answer their door so I have to hear knocking for a good 10 minutes before the friends either give up, or they open the door. They tend to stomp around at 11pm, when I'm trying to go to sleep. Or, they have arguments where it sounds like someone falling down the stairs or something being thrown against the walls or floors.

[vivalostwages]

Updates on the neighborhood:

Jammie Man is long gone. We think the cigs did him in.

Squatter is no longer around either. We don't think his fam could keep up with his advancing ALZ.

Crazy Effing Mustang Bitch is gone--thank goodness. Now she can't kill us with her car.

Hello Ladies does indeed have a real name and is a very nice guy. He works on cars with his son all day in their driveway.