What goes on a burger? Need answer fast!

[Campion]

So I've got burgers (beef, turkey, veggie). I've got cheese (pepper jack, cheddar and smoked fontina), red onion, tomato, lettuce, avocado, ketchup, mustard, pickles.

That's it, right? I've got all the standard burger toppings?

Why do I feel like I'm forgetting something really obvious?

(Family descends tomorrow for a barbecue; normally my family merely expects me to show up to parties with alcohol (which, frankly, I'm awesome at, both the showing up and the alcohol), but tomorrow they're trusting me with the burgers and fixings, and I feel like I'm forgetting something really normal that goes on a burger....)

[HongKongFooey]

Some type of relish maybe?

[Key Lime Guy]

On a turkey burger, I enjoy mayo.

[BrandonR]

The only standard fixing I might could see missing would be mayonnaise. As long as you didn't forget the buns I'd say you're good to go.

[samclem]

To echo the above, perhaps fresh sliced tomatoes, then you'll need mayo.

[KneadToKnow]

Pimento cheese.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Bacon?

[Sage Rat]

Bacon?
This. Word.

[DrFidelius]

Aye, bacon.

[Leaper]

What, no Swiss?

ETA: Oh, what about mayo? Any desire for mushrooms? (Though that one requires more cooking, and may not be practical.)

[gravitycrash]

I third the vote for bacon. Mayo squicks me out a little but that could just be a regional thing.

[kittenblue]

Buns. oh, and cream cheese for me......

[silenus]

Throw the mayo into the bushes and ban anybody who requests it. Other than that, you have it covered. Relish could sub for the pickles, but that's an individual choice.

[Campion]

As long as you didn't forget the buns I'd say you're good to go.Well, crap. I'll pick those up in the morning when I get the ice.

Mayo, silenus has it. We're not a mayo family. When anyone wants to marry into this family, s/he has to prove that (a) s/he prefers mustard over mayo and (b) s/he prefers dark chocolate over milk chocolate. I just can't imagine that anyone would want mayo and admit it in front of the rest of the family.

Bacon, I rejected due to the mess while cooking. Can you grill bacon on the barbecue?

[WarmNPrickly]

Whatever your kiwi freind has told you, do not put red beets on your burger.

I'd go with mayo and bacon if cooking it isn't too much effort. Lots of people don't like mayo.

I don't always use mayo, but its good sometimes.

[Bosstone]

Mayo, silenus has it. We're not a mayo family. When anyone wants to marry into this family, s/he has to prove that (a) s/he prefers mustard over mayo and (b) s/he prefers dark chocolate over milk chocolate. I just can't imagine that anyone would want mayo and admit it in front of the rest of the family.Wow. I'd be double rejected.

[Campion]

Wow. I'd be double rejected.
You probably wouldn't want us anyway. We're a bit weird. :)

[devilsknew]

Well... Right now, apparently the fast food industry believes that a burger is incomplete without deepfried onion petals/straws and steak sauce. I could have made a mint on that 15 years ago when I first tried it.

[devilsknew]

But...caramelized onions are real good on a burger... and easy to "foil pouch" with some butter and a touch of worcestershire on a grill. Butter is good to baste a burger...White Tower "Butter Burgers", anyone?

This question is pretty much answered by the array of toppings available on the burgers at Cheeburger Cheeburger (http://www.cheeburger.com/menu.asp). It's definitely a superior burger in quality and taste and the combinations of toppings available make it the ultimate. (My Favorite combo is provolone, lettuce, onion, tomato, steak sauce, chopped garlic, and pickles.)

[Leaper]

(a) s/he prefers mustard over mayo

I like mustard AND mayo. Nothing better for a sandwich or burger than to have them mingle all squishy-like in my mouth, I say!

[pepperlandgirl]

I didn't even realize mayo and mustard were an either/or option! I wouldn't make a sandwich (hamburger included) without adding both. I'm sort of horrified at the thought of having to choose.

What about avocados? They're still in season and taste wonderful on burgers...

[Gadarene]

Sliced jalapenos.

[FriarTed]

Not mentioned so far- tartar sauce, horseradish sauce, 1000 Island dressing. The 1000 Isle with a bit of horseradish is nigh equivalent to Big Mac special sauce.

[panache45]

Not just raw onions, but also grilled.

[Cunctator]

Beetroot
Pineapple
Fried egg

[threnodyangelfire]

Don't forget the beetroot and pineapple! Also mushrooms! And an egg if you can fit it on. Lots of salad. OMG I want one now.

Yuuum

[The Flying Dutchman]

Buns. Damn, I wanted to offer that. If this was a contest,you win hands down.

[Shalmanese]

I also vote for fried eggs.

[devilsknew]

Ahhh yes, the bun. McDonald's has better buns than Burger King. Wendy's tries too hard. Cheeburger Cheeburger has the best. They're ike Wendy's but fresh and substantial.

[Krokodil]

Steak Sauce
Worcestershire Sauce
Sliced bell peppers
Fried egg

[Bites When Provoked]

Another vote for the pineapple, bacon, beetroot and fried egg!

[teela brown]

Ahhh yes, the bun. McDonald's has better buns than Burger King. Wendy's tries too hard. Cheeburger Cheeburger has the best. They're ike Wendy's but fresh and substantial.

If you have a Fuddrucker's anywhere near you, buy their buns. They're fresh-baked and nice and chewy and don't fall apart into little fluffy crumbs.

[Martini Enfield]

Another vote for the pineapple, bacon, beetroot and fried egg!

I've long been of the opinion that any hamburger that doesn't include these ingredients promotes Communism. :D

[Harmonious Discord]

Both my items have been said.

Bacon
Hamburger buns - they do make varieties of them too, so don't feel obligated to only buy plain white buns.

Most people can make a hamburger they like from what you already have.

You do have black pepper and salt right?

[Drain Bead]

This stuff is all slightly more obscure, but still good on a burger:

Blue cheese crumbles
Sauteed mushrooms
Montreal Steak Seasoning for the rub
A-1
And if you don't want to put bacon ON the burgers, try putting it IN them.

[silenus]

Another vote for the pineapple, bacon, beetroot and fried egg!


This is why Australia will never be a world power.

[pulykamell]

I think you've covered all the standard bases. I'd like some pickled hot peppers, as well, but that's not a "standard" topping. Ditto on the fried eggs. Awesome on burgers, but it'll complicate the whole cooking process (I'm assuming you're grilling out, and you probably don't want to worry about making fried eggs along with the burgers, no matter how easy it is). That, and I think the average American would consider eggs a weird topping for a burger.

[Clothahump]

Jalapenos and horseradish for the adventurous souls.

[jnglmassiv]

I'd like some pickled hot peppers, as well, but that's not a "standard" topping. I like it hot, too. I'll put giardiniera on anything resembling a sandwich. Sometimes, though, it can get to be too hard to get to stay on the sandwich, especially burgers. I usually opt instead for a couple swirls of sriracha after ketchup application.

Mayo for Life.

[DrDeth]

I like Thousand Island on mine, unless it's primo beef, in which case A1.

But OP, try some Worschester sauce on the outside of the burgers before they are cooked.

[levdrakon]

Never mind what goes on the burger, what should go *in* the burger is minced garlic and hot pepper and maybe a little Worcestershire sauce.

[silenus]

Purist answer: Not even that.

Not-Quite-So-Pure: A little garlic, a little pepper, maybe a 70/30 mix of ground round and hot Italian sausage, pretty much whatever floats your boat.

[TWDuke]

I like Thousand Island on mine, unless it's primo beef, in which case A1.I was going to suggest Thousand Island, although mayo, ketchup, and relish in the right proportions can add up to a passable substitute.

Quick guide to proper condiment usage:

Hot dogs get mustard.
French fries get ketchup.
Hamburgers get Thousand Island.
Most other sandwiches get mayo.
The first person to say it's all a matter of personal taste gets slapped with a trout.

[GreedySmurf]

I've long been of the opinion that any hamburger that doesn't include these ingredients promotes Communism. :D

At the risk of being labeled a communist and un-Australian, I've never been a fan of pineapple on a burger. I love pineapple, just not on a burger.

However double yes to the Beetroot, Bacon and Fried Egg. Hell if you're truly desperate you can do without the bacon & fried egg, but without beetroot whatever it is you're eating is not a burger. It may possibly be food, it may even be edible, but it ain't a burger without the beetroot.

[Wile E]

...
What about avocados? They're still in season and taste wonderful on burgers...

I came in to suggest the same thing, but it's right there in the OP.

Turkey burgers, smoked fontina and avocado for your burgers?I want to come to your house!


And if you go with the bacon suggestion, even better!

[DrDeth]

I was going to suggest Thousand Island, although mayo, ketchup, and relish in the right proportions can add up to a passable substitute.

Quick guide to proper condiment usage:

Hot dogs get mustard.
French fries get ketchup.
Hamburgers get Thousand Island.
Most other sandwiches get mayo.


Right. Altho Malt Vinegar can sub for ketchup on fries.

[devilsknew]

C'mon you so called English speakers, get it right! They are called "beets" not "beetroot".

Beetroot this, Beetroot that...you guys are driving me crazy.


Are the beets that go on an Aussie burger pickled sweet and sour (Harvard), or plain?

[Idle Thoughts]

I'll third Worcestershire Sauce. That stuff is GOOD. Campion, you should try at least one burger that you douse in Worcestershire before grilling. I have never tasted a bad burger that had this stuff applied pre-cooking.

[Lynn Bodoni]

I've been limited to drinking Sprite and water for the past couple of days (can't keep anything else down). Damn you, damn you, damn you. AND my husband brought back a load of mesquite from his farm.

Oh, and anyone who thinks s/he doesn't like dark chocolate probably hasn't had the GOOD dark chocolate. I used to think I only liked milk chocolate, and then I tasted the good stuff. I haven't looked back since.

[phil417]

A small suggestion, if I may: how about a selection of several kinds of mustard? There's the ballpark yellow stuff, grey poupon, stone-ground, horseradish mustard, and several others. Offer these on the side to your family.

Love, Phil

[Martini Enfield]

At the risk of being labeled a communist and un-Australian, I've never been a fan of pineapple on a burger. I love pineapple, just not on a burger.

That's OK, it's only promoting Fascism if you leave the pineapple off. ;)

However double yes to the Beetroot, Bacon and Fried Egg. Hell if you're truly desperate you can do without the bacon & fried egg, but without beetroot whatever it is you're eating is not a burger. It may possibly be food, it may even be edible, but it ain't a burger without the beetroot.

So very, very true. Then again, I feel the same way with regards to bacon on my burgers- Anything without bacon OR beetroot on it is not a burger, IMHO. The sooner other countries realise this, the better. :D

[DrDeth]

I'll third Worcestershire Sauce. That stuff is GOOD. Campion, you should try at least one burger that you douse in Worcestershire before grilling. I have never tasted a bad burger that had this stuff applied pre-cooking.

Yes, besides adding taste it also adds a nice tiny bit of crispy texture too.

[WarmNPrickly]

C'mon you so called English speakers, get it right! They are called "beets" not "beetroot".

Beetroot this, Beetroot that...you guys are driving me crazy.


Are the beets that go on an Aussie burger pickled sweet and sour (Harvard), or plain?

No worries. I specifically warned the OP against this particular atrocity long before those crazies had a chance to post. Actually, beetroot is very toxic. The first sign of trouble, is that they like beetroot. Once that happens they are done for. Pretty soon they are putting beetroot on pizza. It's best to put them out of their misery or send them to some kind of penal colony.

[Magiver]

beer, as in cook with. You WILL be holding one as you cook them :dubious:

Makes a good tenderizer.

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

I was wondering about the beet thing too, and whether they're pickled. Just before my last cookout, my wife pulled up the lone surviving beet in our garden, so I sliced it really thin and stuck it in the fridge in a bowl of white vinegar, and then I let folks put it on their burger if they liked. It was pretty good, sort of like sweet cucumber pickle chips, but I preferred eating the pickled beet and the hamburger separately: the beef overpowered the beet.

Daniel

[Fish]

Mayonnaise, mustard, olive oil or butter on a hamburger bun will help seal the bread against moisture — helpful if you're the kind who puts on garden-fresh lettuce sparkling with dewdrops like in the burger commercials.

[hlanelee]

Salsa

[Campion]

Salsa
Dude! That would have been awesome, but I didn't think of it.

I turned the grilling over to my BIL, and deferred to him on spicing/seasoning the burgers before cooking them. He said nothing but salt and pepper, and I didn't hear any complaints from the hungry folk. I did forget to put out the onion, but only because I was busy gabbing with my mom instead of focusing on food prep.

Thanks for all the suggestions, particularly those who suggested hamburger buns. :)

[JohnT]

My six year-old little girl came up with the following hamburger:

"Daddy, can I have a hamburger? I want the spicy cheese (pepperjack) on it!

Oh, and... (thinks for a moment, then her eyes lit up)

Daddy, can we put pepperoni on it??? PLEEEEAAASSSEEE?????".

So I seared some pepperoni slices (4 per burger) until they were crispy, cooked a couple of burgers, melted some pepperjack cheese on them, and had one of the best burgers I've ever eaten.

If Sophie grows up cooking food like that, she's going to make some man very happy. ;)

[sweeteviljesus]

Pico de gallo. That's chopped tomato, onion, cilantro, jalepeno & lime juice for you who have never had it.

FWIW,
Rob

[hlanelee]

Pico de gallo. That's chopped tomato, onion, cilantro, jalepeno & lime juice for you who have never had it.

FWIW,
RobThat's almost exactly how I make SALSA...Don't tell anyone. :dubious:

[Gadarene]

Mmmm, salsa's great on a cheeseburger in lieu of ketchup/mustard. Damn great.

[Hypno-Toad]

If you're in a hurry you could use Mayostard (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zkMFFm4tdQ) or Mustardayonnaise (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVBsCCV6NG4).

I prefer garlic-chili sauce on my burgers.

[Giles]

I was wondering about the beet thing too, and whether they're pickled.
Yes, they are pickled, sliced, and sold in tin cans. You can buy similar pickled beets/beetroots in the US.

(And I have to confess my terrible heresy here: I'm an Australian who does not like having beetroots on my hamburgers.)

[Bites When Provoked]

(And I have to confess my terrible heresy here: I'm an Australian who does not like having beetroots on my hamburgers.)... is that even allowed? :dubious:

[sturmhauke]

Look on my Stupid Large Burger (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9686782&postcount=17), ye mighty, and despair!

[Bites When Provoked]

You could definitely market that!

[devilsknew]

Why not make a bahn mai. Get some vietnameese flavors going on. Maybe mix into the burger some sriracha, a bit of chopped cilantro, and some fish sauce. Make sausages nstead of patties. Grill to your liking. Place them in a half of fresh baguette with a slather of mayonaise, fresh sliced Napa Cabbage, Lettuce, sliced onions, tomato, and fresh chile, a sprinkle of peanuts, and a sprinkle of fresh cilantro, hit it up with some soy sauce.

[devilsknew]

... I knew there was something I forgot, you need sweet and sour cucumbers, a fresh pickle. That's the missing taste.

[Gukumatz]

I've been limited to drinking Sprite and water for the past couple of days (can't keep anything else down). Damn you, damn you, damn you. AND my husband brought back a load of mesquite from his farm.

Oh, and anyone who thinks s/he doesn't like dark chocolate probably hasn't had the GOOD dark chocolate. I used to think I only liked milk chocolate, and then I tasted the good stuff. I haven't looked back since.

Oh, damn you! I want to get my hands on mesquite so bad - they really don't sell it at ALL over here! Damnit, damnit, damnit!

(Me, my sister and two of her friends spent a week up in a cabin outside Stavanger in the fall. One of her friends was a mexican chef/housewife. She made proper mexican taco with mesquite . . . . ARRRGH! DO WANT!)

[pulykamell]

... I knew there was something I forgot, you need sweet and sour cucumbers, a fresh pickle. That's the missing taste.

Around here, you'll also normally find pickled daikon radish and shredded carrot on your banh mi. My God these sandwiches are so good, but so much depends on the quality of the baguette.