Do people share their S.O.s outside of porn films and swingers clubs?

[Martini Enfield]

I've noticed (purely in the interest of scholarly research, of course!) that there seems to be a fair bit of porn which involves the "husband" losing a bet which means that his "friend" gets to have sex with the first guy's "wife".

Of course, nothing in PornoLand is ever real- even some of the amateur porn is more than a bit contrived- but it did get me wondering:

Has anyone out there had a situation in which they "shared" their significant other with their friend, outside the context of a threesome, orgy, swinger's club, etc?

I'm thinking more of either the traditional Porn Film "lost a bet" scenario, or perhaps a "So-and-so hasn't had any in ages, his/her boyfriend/girlfriend left them six months ago, I'm going to be away this weekend, why don't you help him/her out?"

I'd be interested to hear how it worked out- whether it affected things in your relationship and also the relationship with the person you shared with, or if you kept it as a one-off thing, and so on.

I expect this thread will have a very high views/post count, for some reason...

[kambuckta]

I dunno about the high post count, but the views will be right up there!

Sorry, can't add anything of substance to the thread but. :D

[Martini Enfield]

I dunno about the high post count, but the views will be right up there!

Sorry, can't add anything of substance to the thread but. :D

I meant "High ratio of views to actual posts". I'd be surprised if that many reply to this thread; it's an... unusual topic and I seem to have this knack for killing threads at the best of times. ;)

Anyway, back to the OP...

[Cat Fight]

I'm thinking more of either the traditional Porn Film "lost a bet" scenario, or perhaps a "So-and-so hasn't had any in ages, his/her boyfriend/girlfriend left them six months ago, I'm going to be away this weekend, why don't you help him/her out?"


I'm not sure you'll find many examples outside of a very strong dom/sub relationship, or possibly an abusive situation. The porn scenario you describe doesn't seem to take into account the free will of the 'shared' partner.

[tdn]

A year or so ago there was a thread about redheads and how crazy they can be. One poster described a night when his girlfriend willingly lent him to a redheaded female friend. Penis, and various injuries, ensued.

[UncleBill]

There are people of who I am aware who are/were in "'open marriages" where one or both were bopping people they at least knew, so I would expect they may well have bopped IRL friends as well.

[Scumpup]

I'm very good friends with a swinging married couple. We did threesomes on a bunch of occasions and he mentioned that he was cool with his wife blowing me if he wasn't around...though I didn't avail myself of that resource.
When we were in that phase I was single, so I didn't have a spouse to share as such. I did have threesomes with a couple different girlfriends (actually more like friends with benefits) and the husband from that couple.

[Arglefraster]

My husband and I have an open marriage, but we've never had the scenario you've mentioned (one of us "loaning" the other to a friend). I did with a previous boyfriend though. We already had an open relationship. He told me that a friend of his (who I'd met a few times) was depressed because he'd just been dumped by his long-term girlfriend, and that he really needed to just get laid. He didn't want to do the go-to-a-bar-and-pick-up-a-random-stranger thing, but he wasn't looking to start a new relationship either. He suggested I give him a no-strings hook up. He was a nice guy, and decent-looking, so I said "Sure, why not?". It was fun, but only happened the one time (he was worried about encroaching on his friends relationship with me).

[Czarcasm]

The only reason I'm reading this thread is because I'm a moderator.

Really.

I swear.

[Cerowyn]

This is less uncommon than you might imagine. Virtually every Saturday night, a group of my friends have a get-together (ostensibly for a barbecue). It is not uncommon for various forms of fooling around to escalate to naked people and sex, usually with straying outside of committed relationships. While it's true that we're in the BDSM & D/s community, contrary to Cat Fight's assertion, none of us qualify as "hardcore." In fact, I don't think any of the D/s relationships are 24/7.

Beyond that, I know a number of swingers who don't go to swing clubs (which are legal in Canada), and yet manage to have an active swapping lifestyle.

[Shagnasty]

The Boston Sunday Globe magazine which is hardly a resource for titillation insists that the wealthiest Boston suburbs are a hot-bed of spouse swapping and most other sexual debauchery that you can imagine. I don't have any experience with this myself but I doubt it is completely made up. We are talking about a major Sunday morning newspaper with reliable interviews. It makes it sound like I could just march right over to the neighbors with a 6 pack of Vaseline and a spatula and be welcomed right in.

[iamthewalrus(:3=]

I have friends who have an open marriage. The wife propositioned me at one point (I turned her down).

But it sounds like that isn't what the OP is asking about. To qualify, it would have to be my friend the husband offering his wife to me, which isn't the way it went down.

[Hypno-Toad]

A brief acquaintance of mine once offered his wife to me. There were a couple reasons why I did not accept. 1. They both skeeved me out. 2. There were implications that this was a financial proposition. 3. She was seriously past her sell-by date.

This is one reason why he was a brief acquaintance.

[bufftabby]

I'm not really an "open relationship" kind of girl, but I've been shared by a guy in a D/S situation. It was lots of fun. What can I say, I kind of like being objectified.

[mr. jp]

I'm not really an "open relationship" kind of girl, but I've been shared by a guy in a D/S situation. It was lots of fun. What can I say, I kind of like being objectified.

How are you doin'?

[freekalette]

My dad and stepmom have a married couple that they "play" with on occaission. They have been friends for upwards of twenty years, and it's basically a "wife swap" ordeal, with a threesome thrown in onc in awhile. No BDSM or risky behaviour going on, they just love sex and enjoy each other's company and bodies.

On the flip side of the coin, I have a close female friend who I'd probably love being loaned to for a day or so, for BDSM purposes, but it isn't going to happen for a mutitude of reasons.

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

While I can't say this site's statistics are real rigorous, they do point out the pervasiveness of the phenomenon: http://knol.google.com/k/-/swingers/i6nzvuzy2m9f/2#

Original research paper here: Today's Alternative Marriage Styles (http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm)

Basically, a lot of couples play with other couples, often stopping short of 'final swap' or intercourse with the non-spouse. But plenty of others trade partners fully, in a wide variety of geometries involving 2 to 4 (and more) people.

[Cat Fight]

Wait, is the OP about swapping or 'lending'? I consider them quite different.

[t-bonham@scc.net]

I was once asked for advice on a somewhat related situation.

A younger friend & his wife, and a brother-in-law & his wife, where, due to infertility, they were considering having one brother replace the other for the purpose of producing a child. They wanted a child that was biologically related to both of them, so were not satisfied with artificial insemination from an anonymous sperm donor.

They wanted my advice, and then my help in writing up some kind of agreement between them all. I advised them that I was glad they were thinking seriously about this, and discussing it among themselves, and especially that they were going to have some kind of agreement in writing. But I declined to write up such an agreement -- pointing out that the possibility of 18 years of child support payments made it worthwhile to see a licensed attorney.

[Martini Enfield]

Wait, is the OP about swapping or 'lending'? I consider them quite different.

I was thinking "Lending" more than "swapping"; I know rather a lot of wife-swapping goes on so I was more interested in a consensual situation whereby one partner "lent" their (willing) partner to a friend- for example, husband knows his wife secretly fancies one of his mates and agrees to let her sleep with him as a one-off, for example.

I don't expect it to be that common, but it does seem to show up in porn (usually in places like "Penthouse Letters") a lot, hence my curiosity on the subject. (Yes, I'm well aware that porn is fake, as are most of the letters in adult periodicals. ;))

[fluiddruid]

A friend and work colleague of mine was married for years and considered both her and her husband swingers, though my understanding was that she was doing most (or all) of the swinging. The local swingers mostly knew each other through some online group, but I guess they had a bar for awhile that catered to them (it was a otherwise gay bar, though these were straight couples). They were nice people; I'd hang out with them sometimes, though I'm not much of a bar person. It was something that she was terrified to get out, mostly because of work implications, I guess.

It was a surprisingly large group of people, from everything I observed, considering the size of the area (Des Moines). They'd have some big get-togethers; it wasn't all online. Naked camping weekends, that sort of thing.

[gravitycrash]

Technically only once, my girlfriend and I went over to my best friends apartment for some quality drinking time. I think we started playing quarters but it evolved into strip poker. He had a girlfriend who was also there.
It didn't take long for us to all be bare assed sitting around the kitchen table. It was funny watching the girls trying to cover up and deal cards at the same time.
My friend innocently asks us what we should play for now? Sly bastard. The stakes were that the winner had the choice of who to have sex with for one hour there in the apartment, male or female.
I knew if he won he wouldn't choose me and if I won I wouldn't choose him, so that left the girlfriends factor. His girlfriend and I were pretty good friends and had hinted that she would be open to female on female sex. My girlfriend was fairly open minded about sex as well.
Hmmm... this should be interesting. He was and still is a better poker player than me, in other words I just set myself up for potentially setting myself up for having to listen to him and my girlfriend moaning in the bedroom for an hour.
Yep, you know what happens. He won and chose my girlfriend with a large grin on his face, bastard ;).
His girlfriend and I sat on the couch with the TV turned up really loud.
It all turned out well and we still are good friends to this day, 25 years later. And I did end up having sex with his girlfriend turned wife about 8 years later with his permission but that is another thread.

[Hostile Dialect]

Sure. I've had girlfriends I've shared and I've been shared myself. In the context of an open relationship, that is. The examples you give, by contrast, reek of pimping your SO out, which is pretty disrespectful of their own decision-making process. I can't really imagine a scenario where I'd actually tell my SO to have sex with one of my friends, or wager his/her body. That's fucked up. That implies that s/he is my property and I can sling him/her out like s/he was a bag of pot. Of course, I guess I could suggest it, but I'm not that free of jealousy that I would actually do that. I'm OK with an SO messing around with other people, but I'd rather not know them too well or know much about what they do.

But a lot of people have open relationships, and not all of those people are swingers or go to swingers' clubs. For example, I've participated in a handful of open relationships and known a number of other people in open relationships (including marriages), all in San Diego, yet there's only one swingers' club in the area and it's only open one night a week--and I've never heard anything about it except on Craigslist. Therefore, most open couples probably have little or nothing to do with swingers' clubs, and I suspect most of them also don't swap; they're just OK with all parties involved seeking sex outside of the couple. That's as close as it gets to the question in your OP without getting, IMO, creepy. Of course, different strokes and all that.