Euthanasiast
11-10-2008, 10:16 AM
Now come the sounds of pain, the sounds of dawning confusion. Sounds of girl-screams more girlish than all those that came previous. Sounds set between two radio stations vying for the same frequency on your radio. Now come the sounds that left behind all that was good before it, and of this I am referring to the fifteen years of silence between albums and not The Spaghetti Incident?. Now comes the crooked punchline in the dark for the joke we forgot was told.
Chinese Democracy is the ruin of all that was left of Axl Rose to ruin. It turns out that everyone was right; there really wasn't much left of him to ruin. An album created by competent musicians at the pinnacle of incompetence. I cannot imagine another reputable studio allowing the record button to ever be pressed for his benefit again. Not after this holocaust of the senses. This is not a re imagining. This is not a return. This is not even a rehash. It is a cry from a receipt-bearing nation of hopeless hopefuls looking for government bailouts for investing in one man's clumsy and horrific abortion, a taste of sweaty shit that no amount of free Dr. Peppers can remove from scorched tongues.
It is that. fucking. bad.
Madagascar is among the best of them, if you like rejected bond themes. I dare you to listen to this song and think of anything other than a shitty introduction to a shitty bond movie.
If The World (Would End Today) is a song by Sade, if she spent the last five years touring with Amy Winehouse while gargling on flaming, rancid sperm milked years previous from a mountain gorilla. Again, listen to the track and tell me I'm wrong.
Everything else is just a collection of turds stuck along the gradient flypaper between what is Godawful bad and truly shitty, shitty gag-reflex-bashed-in-by-yak-cock bad. Better, is not. Shackler's Revenge is a tragedy in that it could have been a great song, but again, no. The Catcher In The Rye (J.D.S.) is what you'd have if The Beatles actively tried to offend their fans.
Keep your Appetite For Destruction album close by, because after you force down the foul-tasting tequila shot of shit water so foul that it would draw a blister on a septic tank, it'll be the very thing that saves your life to bite down on the refreshing lime wedge of what once was. You have been warned.
Chinese Democracy is the ruin of all that was left of Axl Rose to ruin. It turns out that everyone was right; there really wasn't much left of him to ruin. An album created by competent musicians at the pinnacle of incompetence. I cannot imagine another reputable studio allowing the record button to ever be pressed for his benefit again. Not after this holocaust of the senses. This is not a re imagining. This is not a return. This is not even a rehash. It is a cry from a receipt-bearing nation of hopeless hopefuls looking for government bailouts for investing in one man's clumsy and horrific abortion, a taste of sweaty shit that no amount of free Dr. Peppers can remove from scorched tongues.
It is that. fucking. bad.
Madagascar is among the best of them, if you like rejected bond themes. I dare you to listen to this song and think of anything other than a shitty introduction to a shitty bond movie.
If The World (Would End Today) is a song by Sade, if she spent the last five years touring with Amy Winehouse while gargling on flaming, rancid sperm milked years previous from a mountain gorilla. Again, listen to the track and tell me I'm wrong.
Everything else is just a collection of turds stuck along the gradient flypaper between what is Godawful bad and truly shitty, shitty gag-reflex-bashed-in-by-yak-cock bad. Better, is not. Shackler's Revenge is a tragedy in that it could have been a great song, but again, no. The Catcher In The Rye (J.D.S.) is what you'd have if The Beatles actively tried to offend their fans.
Keep your Appetite For Destruction album close by, because after you force down the foul-tasting tequila shot of shit water so foul that it would draw a blister on a septic tank, it'll be the very thing that saves your life to bite down on the refreshing lime wedge of what once was. You have been warned.