Michael Jackson converts to Islam

[BrainGlutton]

No, really. (http://music.ndtv.com/story.asp?id=ENTEN20080073502)

I don't think Islam (as distinct from Arab culture) is particularly accepting of the NAMBLA way . . .

[carnivorousplant]

"Jackson also noted he intends to soon move all his assets and his studio from the U.S. to Bahrain, and expressed his hope to be rid of various legal troubles and enjoy the kind of freedom he says he does not have in America."

Snicker. (http://www.watchtowerinformationservice.org/index.php/stories-biographies/michael-jackson-going-muslim-and-building-a-mosque/)

[Skald the Rhymer]

This is why the Muslims need the equivalent of a Pope: so there would be a single leader empowered to say, "Um, no thanks. You can stay with the infidels, thankyouverymuch."

[WormTheRed]

I don't think the "40 virgins in Paradise" means what he think it means.

[constanze]

Did he loose so much money in court that he couldn't afford to turn NAMBLA into a new religion? That would be the best way fo rhim, wouldn't it? And if he converts little boys and their parents, freedom of religion and brainwashing makes things peachy (see the apocalypse-type cults where the charismatic leader sleeps with teenage girls and nobody in the cult has a problem with that...)

[Ethilrist]

I stopped taking this guy seriously a while back (around the white glove stage, I think), but I'm kinda curious... was he ever actually found guilty of pedophilia?

[Tuckerfan]

"Jackson also noted he intends to soon move all his assets and his studio from the U.S. to Bahrain, and expressed his hope to be rid of various legal troubles and enjoy the kind of freedom he says he does not have in America."

Snicker. (http://www.watchtowerinformationservice.org/index.php/stories-biographies/michael-jackson-going-muslim-and-building-a-mosque/)

What about the arab prince who is now suing Jackson because while Jackson was living with the prince (and wearing a burqua) he was supposed to be recording an album, but never did? That's technically theft, isn't it? Don't they usually cut your hand off for that sort of thing over there?

[Shodan]

Don't they usually cut your hand off for that sort of thing over there? Oh cripes, just what he needs - more surgery.

[vison]

Hmph. I would think surgery below the waist might be appropriate. Extreme surgery.

And to think he still has fans.

[Cluricaun]

Dear Middle East,

He's your problem now.

Love,

The Great Satan.

[BrainGlutton]

And to think he still has fans.

When he went to be arraigned in Los Angeles on child-molestation charges, there were massive public demonstrations in his support -- in LA, Moscow, Mexico City and Beijing.

[Johnny L.A.]

I stopped taking this guy seriously a while back (around the white glove stage, I think), but I'm kinda curious...

When did he lose his sanity? I never really followed his career, but did it start shortly after his head caught fire?

[The Scrivener]

I can't wait 'til his kids hit their 'tweener and adolescent years -- jeesh, for most of us, growing up in a relatively normal family is sufficient grounds for adolescent rebellion. MJ's converting and moving to Bahrain (provided he ever does so) would just be the icing on the seven-tier cake of weirdness and dysfunction that is his life.

[jali]

I don't think the "40 virgins in Paradise" means what he think it means.



Funniest thing I've read today!

[Alessan]

When did he lose his sanity? I never really followed his career, but did it start shortly after his head caught fire?

I don't think he was ever sane.

[Scissorjack]

Somebody needs to knock off the Jesus Juice.

[Green Bean]

From carnivorousplant's link:

“The proposed mosque would be designated for learning the principles and teachings of Islam, as well as teaching of English language, for which high-standard teachers would be brought from United States under his personal supervision, the spokesman said.
High-standard teachers of English? Under his personal supervision?

Hmm....why am I thinking that he will claim to be very impressed with the linguistic skills of 9-year-old boys?

[carnivorousplant]

Somebody needs to knock off the Jesus Juice.

As a Muslim, yes, he does. :)

[WormTheRed]

Funniest thing I've read today!

Thank you.

[jsgoddess]

Hmph. I would think surgery below the waist might be appropriate. Extreme surgery.

And to think he still has fans.

I was sitting here thinking "fans" was a euphemism for genitalia of some sort. :smack:

[MOIDALIZE]

...

[sqweels]

C'mon, you guys, let's show a little support for the idea. This has the potential for being the funniest thing to happened in a long time.

[Ludovic]

No, really. (http://music.ndtv.com/story.asp?id=ENTEN20080073502)

I don't think Islam (as distinct from Arab culture) is particularly accepting of the NAMBLA way . . .
Well, yes and no (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aisha).

[DanBlather]

I think this means we win. Can we bring the trrops home now?

[Windwalker]

I think this means we win. Can we bring the trrops home now?

Dude, we should hold out for a bit more. Let'em take O. J. Simpson and Sarah Palin, too.

[AuntiePam]

I stopped taking this guy seriously a while back (around the white glove stage, I think), but I'm kinda curious... was he ever actually found guilty of pedophilia?

I was flipping channels tonight and ran across a "special" on celebrity mugshots. They spent several minutes on MJ, the lawsuit that was settled out of court and the criminal charges -- they said that he was acquitted. And they said he was living in Las Vegas and Bahrain, that he hadn't been back to Neverland.

[Merkwurdigliebe]

ugh..

Look, I don't hope that Mike dies or anything, but all I know is that I don't want to watch what happens to him as he grows old. Could he possibly cease to exist? Or maybe just go hide until he becomes an old man? The guy's face is a nightmare.

[carnivorousplant]

Dude, we should hold out for a bit more. Let'em take O. J. Simpson and Sarah Palin, too.

Allah is g-d and Muhammad is his Prophet.
You betcha!



:)

[Cluricaun]

Somebody needs to knock off the Jesus Juice.

That will now be referred to as a Milk Sheikh.

[jsgoddess]

That will now be referred to as a Milk Sheikh.

I feel dirty after reading that, you no-good punster.

[Johnny L.A.]

I feel dirty after reading that, you no-good punster.

At least you're not thinking of Naked Lunch.

[Marley23]

That will now be referred to as a Milk Sheikh.
We know he wants to bring all the boys to the yard.

[phil417]

C'mon, you guys, let's show a little support for the idea. This has the potential for being the funniest thing to happened in a long time.

Pardon the PC. It's no longer "A Priest & a Rabbi walk into a bar." Now it's "Michael Jackson & Osama Ben Ladin walk into.."

Phil

[PharmBoy]

Favorite quote..

Jackson, who was raised a Jehovah's Witness, decided to convert after discussing religion with a music producer and songwriter on his new album

Yes, I always discuss life-altering decisions with music producers.:smack:

The Arabs deserve him...

[Der Trihs]

The Arabs deserve him...Have you no humanity ? No pity ? Poor Arabs . . .

[carnivorousplant]

Now it's "Michael Jackson & Osama Ben Ladin walk into.."
a bar and the bartender says, "Is that an extra large burqua, or are you just glad to see me?"

[Skald the Rhymer]

ugh..

Look, I don't hope that Mike dies or anything, but all I know is that I don't want to watch what happens to him as he grows old. Could he possibly cease to exist? Or maybe just go hide until he becomes an old man? The guy's face is a nightmare.

So what's your plan for accomplishing this?

[VoluntaryPlan]

Ugh, as if we didn't have enough PR problems.

[Johnny L.A.]

'What is the problem with Michael Jackson?' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8px8pnKP5WA) (Video)

[Terrifel]

Ugh, as if we didn't have enough PR problems."In a turn of events that has inspired expressions of shock and condemnation within the mainstream Islamic community worldwide, religious extremists have kidnapped Mikaeel Jackson and are publically refusing to harm him in any way.

Meanwhile, alarming intelligence reports suggest that an intricate soundstage and recording facility are being constructed within the Muhajidin cave complexes near Asadabad, Afghanistan..."

[Johnny Q]

Hmph. I would think surgery below the waist might be appropriate. Extreme surgery.

And to think he still has fans.

Have you heard his voice? I think that ship has sailed.

When I was younger the big Michael Jackson joke was having his voice drop in mid performance and having him pound his crotch a few times to get it back to "normal."

[Jolly Roger]

I don't think he was ever sane.

He used to be sane. He used to be black. I don't know what happened to MJ but I do know that when he kicks it all kindsa skeletons are probably gonna come flying out of his closet.

[Shirley Ujest]

This conversation actually took place between Shirley Ujest and a teen ager.


Shirley to a friend ( not teen) , " Remember when he was black...."

"Michael Jackson use to be black?!!!!" by the teenager.




All in all, I look forward to the tell-all book that comes out about His Weirdness ( who use to be a very talented black man.) after he dies.

I kinda feel bad for Islam.

[Rilchiam]

I don't know what happened to MJ but I do know that when he kicks it all kindsa skeletons are probably gonna come flying out of his closet.

There's so much out in the open already, though. I shudder to imagine what's still hidden.

One thing that I find very telling. He turned 50 a few weeks or months ago. There was a time when it was reasonable to think that his 50th birthday (then far in the future) would be the event of the year, rivaling the Oscars, the AMAs, and Friday night at Elton John's house. As it was...nothing. Unless watching TV with his kids was a celebration. No party, nothing. No one wants anything to do with him any more; he can't even buy friends.

I think I've said it before, but when he does die, everyone who used to call him friend (and is still alive then) will be arguing over who has to eulogize him.

[Tuckerfan]

I wnder if this is really what made him decide to convert? (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=490753) :eek:

[KneadToKnow]

I stopped taking this guy seriously a while back (around the white glove stage, I think), but I'm kinda curious... was he ever actually found guilty of pedophilia?

I know this isn't particularly responsive to your post, but you reminded me of it with your question:

Now, I don't know what he was doin' with life-size dolls of little boys in his bedroom, but if somebody announced that they had found a life-size doll of a woman in my bedroom, you would all assume I was fuckin' it.

And you'd be right.

[BrainGlutton]

I stopped taking this guy seriously a while back (around the white glove stage, I think), but I'm kinda curious... was he ever actually found guilty of pedophilia?

No. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_jackson#2003.E2.80.932007:_Documentary.2C_trial_and_business_ventures)

[Chimera]

[flat monotone]

Bwa ha.
Bwa ha ha.
Bwa HA ha.

[/fm]

[vibrotronica]

This has the potential for being the funniest thing to happened in a long time.
And yet, I feel empty.

[Leaffan]

I feel an awkward dislike for Islam being implied in this thread, and don't think it's appropriate. I think MJ is a nutbar too, but surely freedom to choose ones religion should be sacred. Islam is just as viable a religion as all others, or no others.

[Chimera]

I have no dislike of Islam, only certain tenants of it and certain shades of adherency. Just as I dislike similar packets of Christianity.

My own schadenfrued moment in this was the realization that he's converting to a religion that will want to kill him in a couple of years when he decides to change to whatever the hell religion he's following at that moment.

Which will happen once he's burned through any potential bankrollers who are stupid enough to give him cash and outlived his welcome in the Arab states. Then he'll move to France or somesuch, declare that he's no longer a muslim, and start blasting his former backers over a bunch of lies, but primarily because they stopped allowing him to live off thier largesse.

[lavenderviolet]

I feel an awkward dislike for Islam being implied in this thread, and don't think it's appropriate. I think MJ is a nutbar too, but surely freedom to choose ones religion should be sacred. Islam is just as viable a religion as all others, or no others.
Well, nobody is trying to stop him from converting, so there isn't any infringement on his freedoms. I also think we need to draw a distinction between being racist against Arabic people (not appropriate) and being skeptical/critical of Islam as a religion (very appropriate and necessary). One of the many awesome things about living in America is that we can criticize any religion freely without having to fear getting stoned to death over it.

(Although apparently those Scientology nuts try their hardest to persecute anyone who points out how ridiculous they are)

[greatshakes]

nemmine

[greatshakes]

I have no dislike of Islam, only certain tenants of it and certain shades of adherency. Just as I dislike similar packets of Christianity.

My own schadenfrued moment in this was the realization that he's converting to a religion that will want to kill him in a couple of years when he decides to change to whatever the hell religion he's following at that moment.

Which will happen once he's burned through any potential bankrollers who are stupid enough to give him cash and outlived his welcome in the Arab states. Then he'll move to France or somesuch, declare that he's no longer a muslim, and start blasting his former backers over a bunch of lies, but primarily because they stopped allowing him to live off thier largesse.

Finally! We'll be able to get HISstory.

What? Oh.

[greatshakes]

Nemmine again.

[Leaffan]

Nemmine again.

Huh?

[mswas]

This actually doesn't surprise me all that much. He's been palling around with Arabs for a long time and moved out that way when he started getting investigated. He can get little boys out there much more easily and cheaply one would assume.

[mswas]

Favorite quote..

Jackson, who was raised a Jehovah's Witness, decided to convert after discussing religion with a music producer and songwriter on his new album

Yes, I always discuss life-altering decisions with music producers.:smack:

The Arabs deserve him...


Just out of curiousity what disqualifies a music producer from having a valid religious belief?

[Cluricaun]

Just out of curiousity what disqualifies a music producer from having a valid religious belief?

They have no souls.

[Skylark]

This is why the Muslims need the equivalent of a Pope: so there would be a single leader empowered to say, "Um, no thanks. You can stay with the infidels, thankyouverymuch."

Grand Ayatolla Sayyid Ali Husaini al-Sistani? Ali Khamenei (he wishes)?


(Among Shiites, which form the majority among Gulf Arabs)

[Terrifel]

It seems to me that I'm hearing selections from the Jackson Five Christmas album played more frequently on the radio this weekend than in past years; but this may just be my imagination.

[Sitnam]

I feel an awkward dislike for Islam being implied in this thread, and don't think it's appropriate. I think MJ is a nutbar too, but surely freedom to choose ones religion should be sacred. Islam is just as viable a religion as all others, or no others.
Common, no ones disparaging a religion here. The man has been a laughing stock for so long ANYTHING he does isn't taken seriously anymore so recent proclamations that 'Allah is the one true god, and there is no god but god' is just funny in that context. Faith is a deeply personal and intimate conviction that shapes ones world view, Micheal acts like he's changing his shirt.


“The singer said he decided to convert to Islam because he is convinced it is the closest religion to his personal beliefs." (http://www.watchtowerinformationservice.org/index.php/stories-biographies/michael-jackson-going-muslim-and-building-a-mosque/)

The beliefs of Jehovah’s Witnesses are nearly identical to Islam? :dubious: