The Ron Thread

[Necroscopics]

Today's Ronulian Contribution: Jeff
Jeff smiled and said, “Well, now that I’ve graduated from college I feel like it’s time to start my life. Y’know - find a wife, get a job, settle down. So I figured I would take a trip, visit my three top choices and see which one I should marry.”


The thing is, I can see how and why someone would want to do something like that. To assess your life, visit your exes, and see if anything would work out with them. Obviously the attraction existed in the first place, and there's a couple ladies out there that I think, were we to reconnect, I would probably get along with much better now, being older and wiser and such.

But telling a girl something like that to her face is a bonehead move. He should have made something up, like he's about to take a job and wanted to travel cross country one last time and thought it would be nice to visit some friends who lives in areas he was traveling past. The fact that he told you he was visiting other girls is an indication that he isn't the brightest tool in the crayon box.

[Promethea]

Today's Ronulian Contribution: Jeff


I thanked Jeff for including me as one of his “three top choices” but informed him kindly that I was disqualifying myself because I just didn’t care for him that way.

“Okay,” he accepted graciously. “I was a little worried because of your weight anyway. But I was willing to overlook that if everything else seemed workable.”

Girls, can you believe I let him get away?

Oh if you aren't a published writer, you really ought to be - the way you tell these stories is so wonderful. I love the way that even through the exasperation and frustrations these maddening people bring, what really comes across for me in all your stories is a very touching sense of compassion, warmth and humanity. Bravo!

[melodyharmonius]

How do you FIND these people?

I put an ad on Craigslist. It's amazing what you can find on there.

We don't find them, they find us. melodyharmonius and her sister have the ron-attraction pheromone. I have the conspiracy-theorist-attraction pheromone. It's not out fault, really.

Ron is a vast right-wing conspiracy. Just ask Hillary.

pheronmones?
(ducks and runs) :D

:smack::smack::smack:

Had he been watching a lot of Cameron Crowe or John Cusack movies? This sounds like something that could be made adorable with the right leading man and supporting cast, but intolerable in real life. Good god, what a tool.

Why would he waste good porn-watching moments on Crowe or Cusack. Think, CF, think! :smack:

[Kirstenindy]

seen a camero early this week with t-tops and thought of ROn...lmao. way to sneek into my everyday reality Ron..you dillhole

[La Beldame]

I met a Ron long ago in the disco-80s at a party. He made me laugh and reminded me of Chevy Chase (I said it was a long time ago and perhaps my judgment was clouded by various intoxicating substances.) He asked me out to dinner and we agreed to meet at his office after work. I chose my outfit carefully, including the most ridiculous Joan Crawford eff-me ankle-strap shoes I owned. I teetered the five blocks to his office after work, cooled my heels quite literally as he finished up. Finally we left and he suggested we take a walk...37 blocks...to his apartment...so he could freshen up. I made it another five blocks and then had to hail a cab (I paid) Waited in his living room while he took a shower and changed. Was so bored I washed all the putrefying dishes in his sink. He finally emerged and we went for hamburgers. Sigh. I was very young. And yes, dear reader I went out with him again. So I’m a Ronduh.

[Oslo Ostragoth]

All of us lurkers thank you for your contribution.

[melodyharmonius]

I met a Ron long ago in the disco-80s at a party. He made me laugh and reminded me of Chevy Chase (I said it was a long time ago and perhaps my judgment was clouded by various intoxicating substances.) He asked me out to dinner and we agreed to meet at his office after work. I chose my outfit carefully, including the most ridiculous Joan Crawford eff-me ankle-strap shoes I owned. I teetered the five blocks to his office after work, cooled my heels quite literally as he finished up. Finally we left and he suggested we take a walk...37 blocks...to his apartment...so he could freshen up. I made it another five blocks and then had to hail a cab (I paid) Waited in his living room while he took a shower and changed. Was so bored I washed all the putrefying dishes in his sink. He finally emerged and we went for hamburgers. Sigh. I was very young. And yes, dear reader I went out with him again. So I’m a Ronduh.

You are only a Ron-duh if you are still dating him. We all have Ron-duh moments - the important thing is to recover from them! :D

New Ron story coming - work just has me by the patootie lately . . .

[Annie-Xmas]

Another Ron story I just remembered:

Ron was looking for a house to rent for his customers. He found out that someone he knew had listed his house for rent with another agency and called the guy. From what I got of the conversation, the guy said "Yes, I did list it with so-and-so" and Ron went livid

"What do you mean, you listed it with someone else. I know you. I should have that listed. Get out of that listing and I can list it and rent it today." This was screaming in front of me, to the guy, and in front of his customers.

Eventually the guy agreed to come into our office. Ron then has me type a withdrawal form, a new listing, and a lease.

The guy comes in, Ron hands him the papers, and the guy calmly says "I'm not signing anything with you." Right in front of me and the customers. Our faces were definitely like this: :eek:

The guy left, the customers left and Ron left. I laughed for ten minutes. Years later I happen to run into the guy and we had a good laugh together at Ron's expense.

[melodyharmonius]

cross-posted here (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=10952275#post10952275)

Sharon was an engineer I worked with back when I was a document control specialist for a government contractor.

Every week, the engineers had to submit this excel spreadsheet report to my department. And every week, Sharon would have a problem getting her spreadsheet to work.

Now, I’m going to show my age a little here, but back when Sharon and I worked together, our computers were still using 5.25” floppy disks. So every week, I would put a copy of the excel spreadsheet on a 5.25” disk and give it to Sharon. She would do her report, print it out and turn it in. Then next week she would try to access her disk, and the file would be corrupted.

My boss and I couldn’t figure out what the problem was, so I was sent to personally deliver the disk to Sharon and make sure it worked. I watched Sharon as she opened the file and entered her information. I watched her enter and save the spreadsheet. I watched as she printed it out. I watched as she took out the disk. I made her put it back in and try to open the file again. I watched as the file opened up without any problem.

“Isn’t that the way?” she joked. “It always works when someone is standing over your shoulder and watching.”

I laughed with her. Then I watched as she took the disk out of the computer and stuck it on her metal file cabinet with a magnet for “safe keeping.”

“Uh, Sharon?” I began. “I think I figured out the problem . . .”

[melodyharmonius]

Oh if you aren't a published writer, you really ought to be - the way you tell these stories is so wonderful. I love the way that even through the exasperation and frustrations these maddening people bring, what really comes across for me in all your stories is a very touching sense of compassion, warmth and humanity. Bravo!

Thank you. You make me blush. :o

I'm actually working on a collection of life lessons from my father. The working title is "How My Father Ruined My Life and Other Things I'm Thankful For"

[Annie-Xmas]

I made a gorgeous flyer for one of Ron's properties. Nice color photos, information in black and red, and the final page was the survey with the lot colored in with yeloow highlighter.

He approves it and I make copies and walk from the copy machine to his office and hand them to him. He immediately gets on me for "not coloring in the last page."

Uh, stupidhead, the color photos are in color, the print is in color, what makes you think the last page isn't highlighted? When I pointed this out to him, I added "And welcome to the 21st century"

[pbbth]

I used to have a roommate that was a Ronduh. She got involved with not one, not two, but three separate pyramid schemes.

The first one was some Mary Kay knockoff where the "product" was make-up but you only really made money by recruiting people to work under you. She brought home this huge starter kit so she could throw parties and sell cosmetics and sign people up to sell for her, thinking that this would turn into a wonderful money making opportunity. When I refused to sell cosmetics as a part time job she then started in on me to buy the make up if I wasn't going to sell. I have never worn make up for anything other than a swanky event (graduation, anniversaries, etc.) and she knew that but she still pushed me to buy from her. When I gently explained that I had no interest in purchasing make up either she piped up, "Oh, we sell acne cream too! Frankly, you could really use it." :dubious: It is rare that I have acne and I have never had more than two zits at a time, even in the height of pizza-facedness among my fellow students. At that point I figured she was desperate for sales and just let the comment go. She eventually ended up giving away all of the cosmetics she had purchased to promote sales and forgetting she had signed up for that whole mess.

Then about 8 months later she came home from an "interview" with a huge kit of vitamins and weight loss products from a company called Advocare. Same deal, trying to sell the products and get people to sell them for her. No one wanted any of that either, especially when she started telling people they could really use the weight loss products. (I tried them for her so she could use me as a shining example of the wonderfulness of Advocare and got nothing but an upset stomach out of the deal.) She ended up throwing away at least $200 of expired vitamins.

The last time was about a year after she moved out. She called me to tell me about this great job interview she had with a company called Primerica. I wish she would learn from Monty Python and run away, but apparently she still thinks there is a quick buck to be made in pseudo-sales.

[melodyharmonius]

I used to have a roommate that was a Ronduh. She got involved with not one, not two, but three separate pyramid schemes.

I have friends like that - they just keep going back . . . over and over again . . .always telling me about the latest thing that is going to make them rich.

My sister was like that too. Fortunately, she never had enough money to buy the starter kits - so therefore she never got sucked in to some of the worst ones.

[KnitWit]

cross-posted here (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=10952275#post10952275)

Sharon was an engineer I worked with back when I was a document control specialist for a government contractor.

”

We have something in common. I work as a technical and science writer. That means part of my job is always document control. Thankfully, I usually work with people who are SMARTER than I am. I'll take that over working with Rons and Ron-duhs any day.

[melodyharmonius]

We have something in common. I work as a technical and science writer. That means part of my job is always document control. Thankfully, I usually work with people who are SMARTER than I am. I'll take that over working with Rons and Ron-duhs any day.

I have always loved working with engineers - because they are so smart I'm always learning something.

That's why I was shocked that this woman didn't realize that putting a magnet on a floppy disk was tantamount to disaster! :smack:

[Snap E. Tom]

We had a Ron (his real name) that we hung out with when we were in high school. One night, at a house party, he proceeded to get pretty smashed. In an unprecedented attempt to be responsible, we took his keys away from him so he couldn't drive (he kept threatening to go out and grab a pizza). Not to be done in by our good intentions, Ron had a spare key in his wallet. He ended up side swiping a parked car on his way back from the pizza parlor.
Then he ran off.

[Hypno-Toad]

I have friends like that - they just keep going back . . . over and over again . . .always telling me about the latest thing that is going to make them rich.

It's funny how if they spent as much effort getting a real career as they did trying to "get rich quick," they'd reach their goal. But it seems like the real draw of these schemes is that they promise lots o' cash without having to work for it.

[Junkman209]

Another Ron picture:
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/08/22/saturday-night-special-watchman/

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

What's worse than Ron? Zombie Ron!

[Harmonious Discord]

What's worse than Ron? Zombie Ron!

I think that was Rob Zombie, not Ron.

[Shodan]

Another Ron picture:
http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/08/22/saturday-night-special-watchman/Time to pluck that upper lip again, Mom.

Regards,
Shodan

[Oslo Ostragoth]

Whee! An excuse for new posts - who has them?

[Irishman]

subscribing to read later

[ladyfoxfyre]

"Bookmark this page" not working on your computer today?

[Malthus]

Woah! The Return of Zombie Ron.

"You just can't keep a bad man down." :D

[Oslo Ostragoth]

Damn. I was hoping for all-new Ron content.

[zoid]

Damn. I was hoping for all-new Ron content.

While not quite as good this (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=611485) should tide you over for a bit.

[Oslo Ostragoth]

While not quite as good this (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=611485) should tide you over for a bit.

Ouch, that hurt my brain.

[drastic_quench]

subscribing to read later

Just use the thread tools, and skip the placeholder comment.

[Maus Magill]

While not quite as good this (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=611485) should tide you over for a bit.

Ah, Big D Ron, we hardly knew ye.


And I'm okay with that.

[melodyharmonius]

You guys actually had me racking my brain pre-coffee trying to come up with a new Ron story to entertain you with. And I've thought of one. Hopefully the zombie police will let me post it after a swigs of joe.

[Marley23]

Zombies move pretty slowly, so I think you'll be OK.

[ajdebosco]

You guys actually had me racking my brain pre-coffee trying to come up with a new Ron story to entertain you with. And I've thought of one. Hopefully the zombie police will let me post it after a swigs of joe.

For some odd reason, I can't seem to get a certain Carly Simon tune out of my head...:cool:

[melodyharmonius]

My friend Seaver is a very big-hearted guy, and last year when a new friend of ours, Malcolm, was relocating to the area, he offered to let Mal move in as a roommate.

Everything was great at first, Mal found a job and was doing really well. Then Mal had a hernia in his groin and was laid up on the couch for a couple of weeks trying to recover. Only, Mal started enjoying being laid up so much that he didn't return to work, just sat like a lump on Seaver's couch. So much so that he actually carved out a butt-shaped permant dent in the couch. He would actually watch whole seasons of tv shows on Netflix in one sitting - even watched whole series from that position - so we started referring to Malcom as "the Lump."

Not that Lump wasn't looking for jobs. He'd tell anyone who'd listen about all the jobs he'd applied for. I actually work for a staffing agency, so I tried to give him some pointers about job-hunting, resume writing, and the like. I never went so far as to offer him a job though - because I didn't think he would be able to transition me from friend to "boss lady." It's not like I hid it from him, I just avoided bringing up that I was hiring.

However, Lump came across one of my online job postings and excitedly messaged me on Facebook. In his head, just knowing me got him the job. I politely promised to review his resume but explained that we were a little slow at the warehouse.

A week or so went by, and I had been scraping the bottom of the barrell for new temps to hire for the warehouse. And feeling guilty, not for Lump's sake, but for Seaver's, I decided to pull up Lump's online application and see what I could. Only, I couldn't find it. . .

I messaged Lump on Facebook and told him I couldn't find his app. Lump went by a few different nicknames, so I thought maybe i had his real name wrong, or was spelling his name wrong, or something. He messaged back the correct spelling and even copy and pasted the text from our website confirming that he had applied. I looked again but still couldn't find it. Not having time to mess with it, I moved on and hired some other people. Another week or so went by and Lump was getting Lumpier. The couch cushion was getting flatter. Poor Seaver was getting more and more stressed out.

Finally, against my better judgment, I decided that I would find that application if it killed me - and give Lump a job - just to get him off Seaver's poor, oppressed couch. I searched every way I could (understand, I had hundreds of online apps to look through) and then finally decided to go back and manually go through each online app. Still nothing under any version of his name. Finally, I decided to go to just the day he first contacted me and open every online file from that day.

AND THEN I FOUND HIM!



His name on his application? Charlotte North Carolina. :smack:


With all the hundreds of applications that boy filled out - can you imagine if every one of them was filled out so ineptly? No wonder why he wasn't finding a job.

Happily, by the time I found his application, Lump had decided to move out of state to mooch off, I mean, live with other friends.

And now, whenever we talk about Lump, my boyfriend calls him by his new nickname. . . Charlotte.

:D

Happy Friday, Folks!

[melodyharmonius]

For some odd reason, I can't seem to get a certain Carly Simon tune out of my head...:cool:

were there clouds in your coffee? :eek:

[KneadToKnow]

OMG, I was hoping that was the story she'd tell when I saw new Ronness on the horizon.

[Maus Magill]

He's Lump.
He's Lump.
He's Lump.
He's in Mel's head.

[melodyharmonius]

OMG, I was hoping that was the story she'd tell when I saw new Ronness on the horizon.

glad to oblige :D

He's Lump.
He's Lump.
He's Lump.
He's in Mel's head.

get him out of my head, Maus!!

[Maus Magill]

If you all head up to Taste of Charlotte tonight, I'll buy you a beer to help drive him out.

[melodyharmonius]

If you all head up to Taste of Charlotte tonight, I'll buy you a beer to help drive him out.

Allergic to beer :(

I'm debating - don't want to get shot at in the gang wars. Was actually contemplating the Found Film Festival at UNCC.

[ajdebosco]

While not quite as good this (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=611485) should tide you over for a bit.

Wow! Could it be merely coincidence that the threadstarter there was RON!

[Anaamika]

I don't have a Ron story, but I have a Wally story.

We've been through a few temps this year, for various reasons. One was sweet as pie but dumb as a rock, and our office is fast-paced. One said, after two hours, that "he didn't want to do the work". Door, ass. One was bright and nice but unreliable and tried to get the boss involved in a pyramid scheme.

Our last one was out of desperation. And I found myself frustrated with her within a week.

You could not tell her Part A and Part B of a project. She would invariably get Part B wrong. So, for example, I could not tell her, "Fold all of these banners and put them away in this box." Without fail, when I went looking for them, they would not be in the box, or they would be in a different box, or the box would be in the trash.

You think I'm kidding.

Once I gave her this project: Take all of these metal stakes. Lay them so they are all facing the same direction. Tape them together in stacks, of say 20 or so. Put them in a box.

I come back twenty minutes later to check on her - I had learned by this point - and she has taken all of the metal stakes and dumped them into the bin. They are sticking every which way and not one of them is taped. :smack:

Another day, I give her a HUGE pile of plastic banners. I say, "There are three different types of banners in this bag. Please pull out thirty of each."

After several questions she finally manages to get thirty of each banner. I then say, "Divide them into three stacks, so each stack has ten of each type of banner."

Oh. My. God. You would think I had asked for quadratic equations. It took her the better part of two hours, and then when I went and checked, she had put thirty of each banner in each pile. It's not that she wasn't working. I can see her from where I sit, and I could see she was working away diligently. I know I should have checked, but goddamn, how dumb can you be?

It got to the point where I simply didn't give her anything more complicated than the very very basic, and never gave her a two-step job. How about this one? The girl did not know how to use zip ties correctly. Ok, so maybe she had never encountered one? I demonstrated for her...and still found them on backwards.

She wasn't lazy, at all. She tried to do every project I gave her. It was just ridiculous.

If I think of more stories of her I'll post them.

[KneadToKnow]

Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Rock pie.

[lieu]

I know a Ron. Four of us were officemates in grad school, became good friends and got jobs in the same city but eventually we went our separate ways because he kept doing... you know... Ron stuff. Let's see, the fire story or the doing mushrooms in the JiffyMart story or...

So Ron's working for a seismic aquisition company and agrees to work 3 months on a boat off Peru becuase there's good money to be made. But it turns out he hates the ocean, something he unfortunately remembers once they're already out to sea. He lasts for another 3 weeks and then says to let him off at the next port, he's had enough. So they ship another guy out and take Ron off the boat and to Lima so he can fly home. They pay for his hotel and give him enough money to cover his travel fees, airport taxi and a meal.

Well, Ron has been on a boat for a long time with nothing to drink and back on shore he gets thirsty. Real thirsty. So that night he goes out and parties and soon only has enough left for the taxi.

The next day, hungover, Ron goes to the airport to fly home. He pays for the taxi, is now broke, checks in his luggage and gets ready to leave. But there's an $18 exit fee (or some tax or something). Ron doesn't have any money. Ron can't get any money. The airline takes Ron's luggage off the plane and shortly thereafter Ron stands at the window watching his flight home leave without him. Ron has suddenly metamorphosed from a reasonably well paid American geoscientist into an unemployed Peruvian peon.

So what to do? *lightbulb* Beg. Yes, Ron goes out to the front of the Lima airport alongside all the homeless Limans and holds out his hands, now dependant upon the kindness of strangers, at least strangers that can speak English because Ron doesn't speak Spanish. He gets to know many of the other beggars well after a couple of days. Other beggars come up to Ron to beg and his beggar friends say don't bother Ron, he doesn't have any money.

Finally, after 2 days someone takes pity on Ron and gives him 50 cents. Ron hasn't eaten or drunk since so buys an orange Fanta. He wants to drink the Fanta slow, make it last because who knows when he'll get more money so he starts sipping but he can't stop and never putting it down he gulps and gulps and like that the Fanta is toast. Now Ron is really sad. Pathetic, actually.

Finally, after 3 days he gets an idea. He has a watch, a nice one he paid several hundred dollars for. He tries selling his used watch in English to people that only speak Spanish but for some reason encounters nothing but problems. This is strange because it's a "pristine" Seiko except for a bunch of scatches and scuff marks.

Another beggar, whether out of pity or just to get rid of him finally gives ron $200 $18 for his watch and Ron climbs on the plane.

Once Ron lands in Miami he's set since he can go to an ATM and get some cash. Home free, he swipes his card but then hesitates... after a month away he's forgotton his pin. He tries one, no good. Tries another, no good. Then he remembers, plugs it in and the ATM promptly swallows his card, confiscated after three incorrect tries.

I know all this because once Ron got back to Houston from Lima and Miami he called me for a ride home. But I was on vacation. So were his sister and all his other friends. Back at the airport after the trip from utter hell Ron had to wait until the next day, sleeping somewhere in the airport, until someone got home and could go pick him up.

I was telling this story to someone and they said hey, he sounds a lot like the guy on crutches doing mushrooms in the JiffyMart that got the giggles and dropped $9 worth of pennies on the floor. Why yes, that's him, what a wonderful guess.

[Dr. Girlfriend]

My sister dated a Ron... his name was actually Mike, or PsychoMike to Mom and I. MikeRon claimed to be a Navy Seal and talked about all these covert missions he'd been on that he couldn't actually tell us about. Dude was only a year out of high school at the time... Sure Mike, we believe you.

[Omniscient]

subscribing to read later

Total Ron move.

[Chimera]

New Ron stuff?

Oh wait. Just a re-Ron.

[purplehaze2007]

I have always loved working with engineers - because they are so smart I'm always learning something.

That's why I was shocked that this woman didn't realize that putting a magnet on a floppy disk was tantamount to disaster! :smack:

:p

Sounds like you had a ME there, not an EE...at least we can hope.

[Caractacus Pott]

Is Anthony Weiner, of Weinergate fame, a Ron?

[Gedd]

My cousin is a Ron-duh. She’s in college and living with her boyfriend. She moved in with him because her parents were making her do horrible things like chores and paying her own car insurance after two speeding tickets and the incident where she attempted to merge into a car (shame on them).

The catch(es): Her boyfriend lives with his parents . . . in a trailer . . . and she has to sleep in her own room. He’s going to get a promotion soon (at the local feed store) and they’re going to get their own place. He also has plans of starting his own company that does something with lawn care; it will be big though, you can count on it. He is going to start on that plan as soon as he’s done fixing up his truck first.

I love this thread. I'm glad it came back to life; I never would have found it otherwise!

[KRC]

I was never sure if this guy was a Ron or not--maybe he was just pathetic. When I first met him I thought he was just a bit eccentric but the more I learned about him the more he veered into Lala-land. He was going to write a book; about what I don't know but he had to score some sort of deal with Walter Cronkite first. As far as I could tell Cronkite never answered the letters and "Ron" never did any writing, except to write more strange letters to other people over random topics.

He admired me and promised to pay off my student loan when he got rich, but he never worked on his "book" -- he never worked at all. And he always had such bad luck. If he wanted to take the bus somewhere, well, the bus was always leaving the stop about 30 seconds before he arrived. Did this mean he had poor time management skills and needed to get an earlier start? No, to him it meant the bus drivers were meanies. If he had no job and few friends that was just because of fate and the cruel mean world, not because of poor choices he'd made.

And everything to him was a major dramatic tragedy even when it occured to someone else. A person recovered from a serious accident but with a barely noticeable limp? How sad, everyone would probably make fun of her for the rest of her life because she was a cripple! A person left a lucrative career for one that paid less but was more satisfying to them? How sad that the cold cruel world would let that person starve in the gutter (forget about explaning to him that this was not the case.)

Actually he probably wasn't a Ron so much as overly dramatic and possibly mentally ill (his obsession with Cronkite and also a few other things bordered on pathological. One reason he is a former friend.)

[melodyharmonius]

Actually he probably wasn't a Ron so much as overly dramatic and possibly mentally ill (his obsession with Cronkite and also a few other things bordered on pathological. One reason he is a former friend.)

He's perhaps a Ron-doh-doh?

[Irishman]

"Bookmark this page" not working on your computer today?

I read/post from multiple computers. Subscribing helps me find it easily on any computer.

Just use the thread tools, and skip the placeholder comment.

I learned how to do that reading this thread, after I had posted.

Besides, by posting to subscribe, I revived the thread, and brought us new Ron stories. And helped new people discover the joy that is Ron. Gedd wouldn't know about this thread if I hadn't posted. So there!

[KneadToKnow]

He's perhaps a Ron-doh-doh?

Given his glass-half-empty way of seeing things, I was thinking Negatron.

[ajdebosco]

Given his glass-half-empty way of seeing things, I was thinking Negatron.

everything has a point.

I work with a Ron (uses the name Rik), who blames women and fate for all his troubles. Five offspring by four women that he never paid a lick of support for have now caught up with him, and his court ordered garnishments take 75% of his wages. It never dawned on him that he is somehow responsible.

His way of seeing things is neither half-full, nor half-empty. He thinks it is time to get a smaller glass to make it look fuller. Hasn't reduced his expectations of how things would be without cruel Fate's intervention.

[Maastricht]

Here's a Ron contribution from Nava and myself from another thread.


In the case of a male coworker of mine who got a local girl in Costa Rica and who thought she'd stay in his apartment and take care of him in exchange for nothing (no money, no gifts, not even promises - dude's fiancee was back home preparing the wedding), payment was in the form of her leaving with all his personally-owned electronics. Didn't touch those which belonged to the apartment or to our employer, but bye-bye personal laptop, cellphone, etc.

Of course he's still convinced it can't have been her. After reporting the theft to the cops, the manager of the apartment complex asked me "is he really that dumb?" "He's convinced he got her for his good looks, what was your question?" "Oh God". Dude looked worse at 25 than the immense majority of men at 40....
So that is why the Ron never learns! He never gets the message in the first place. Of course, that is also why a Ron can keep such an un-earned selfconfidence. Nava's dude probably thought some thugs waited untill he wasn't at home (because thugs know better then to mess with him) and then they abducted both the Costa Rican girlfriend and the laptop. True to Ron, he doesn't even feel he should go and rescue the girl. Rons may be dumb, but they've got a keen sense of self preservation..
I'd never realized it, perhaps due to the lack of a 'stache, but yeah, dude sure was a Ron of the Ronnest level.

[Oslo Ostragoth]

[squee] The Return of the Ron!

One of my all-time favorite threads.

[Rhiannon8404]

I'm all smiles reading this again!

[Nava]

Since Maastricht brought him up...

That dude was my junior; in theory I was supposed to teach him how to be a consultant using the Big Blue Database in things Maintenance-related. In reality, he latched to our new manager real fast (we acquired both at the same time and they were of a similar age), so I wasn't allowed to waste poor Ronaldito's time trying to get him to do any work.

Fast forward several years, I see him and another former coworker at the Home Office site of my current client. The other former coworker is still doing what he's always done and done well, Logistics. Ronaldito is now doing Costing. Upon hearing this I exclaim, "God help them!" You know things are really bad when someone from Operations takes pity on the moneymen.

Ronaldito is Andalusian, from an area that has a reputation for people being unable to code-switch. He certainly is unable to do so, and his accent is so thick that at one point I witness another Andalusian tell him "pro-nounce, damn you!" (well, the exact words were "¡pero vo-ca-li-za, cabrón!"). Ronaldito's response is his usual "bah hey man, if dey don unerstan me snah my poblam! Day auta larn t'speak normal!"

Fast forward to the start of my current project, back to client #2. At some point, the programmers are complaining about "that dude from Costing who doesn't pronounce for shite and who thinks 'definition please' means 'will you insult my mother and my intelligence, please?'" Yep, Ronaldito. Dude's still as useless as a third pair of legs on a dog, yet still there. Makes me wonder about the people he works for, you know? Are they unable to convince themselves that someone can be that useless? Do they keep changing and thinking that reports of his uselessness are being exaggerated? I sure don't know it, because man, if I ever was in a position to do so I'd love to hand him a pink slip. Or two, or three...

[Sunspace]

Ron! Ron! Ron!

[johnpost]

do people go to therapy to deal with their innerRon?

[digs]

I had a student who was a Ron, but of course no one got it when I said "Whoa, he is such a Ron..." (handy hint: in a real live conversation, people can't click on your phrases to get a link)

He was the first student ever to be asked to not be part of our program. And, of course, he had plenty of excuses and reasons why it's everyone else's fault. We just don't understand, or recognize his Awesomeness.

Or is it RONosity?

[voltaire]

Hah, I remember so many laughs from this thread, it's tempting to go back and reread to recycle all the humor.

This thread is fertile ground for making a bunch of "Scumbag Steve" type meme pictures (https://www.google.com/search?q=scumbag+steve&hl=en&newwindow=1&safe=off&client=firefox-a&tbo=u&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ei=TL8IUc2hHpLQ8wSN04DgAw&ved=0CEgQsAQ&biw=1280&bih=937), but instead, we could call it... Moron Ron!

[Snowboarder Bo]

but instead, we could call it... Moron Ron!

More Ron! More Ron! Yay!!!

Just seeing this thread resurrected brings back sweet, sweet memories! Truly, this thread has made me Let's go to the quarry and throw stuff down there so much! You're not alone voltaire, but I'm not just tempted; I'm definitely going to re-read this thread tomorrow (at work, natch).

[Boyo Jim]

He kinda sounds perfect for the job of Vice President of the United States.

[Darth Nader]

at one point I witness another Andalusian tell him "pro-nounce, damn you!" (well, the exact words were "¡pero vo-ca-li-za, cabrón!").
"Enunciate, fuckface!" might be a better translation.

[digs]

Moron Ron!

Ron.

No need to be redundant.

Just... Ron.

[lieu]

The same guy that drank his exit tax from Peru, was pulled off the plane, had to sell his watch and was on crutches doing mushrooms in the JiffyMart when he got the giggles in a crowded line and dropped $9 worth of pennies on the floor has one more offering.

In college he (Dug) went out to a friend's country home to grill burgers and do some mushrooms. They liked mushrooms. It was a great place for that, all quiet and private, no surprise visitors. Well, they were sitting there after the meal, pleasantly baking on shrooms and watching cartoons when all of a sudden they see a guy through the front window run across the yard with an axe.

Looking at each other, they verified that the other person had in fact seen that and, satisfied they weren't hallucinating, jumped up to look out. There were several more men running through their yard with axes. And shovels. And a firehose. And here are police cars too with lights flashing. Dug turns down the Pink Floyd on the stereo and, sure enough, sirens!

So, they turn and look out the huge picture window in back and there's the storage shed and an entire field of corn consumed in a wall of fire and a dozen men in big hats are trying to look in their house to see if any slack jawed morons are home.

Dug and Greg grab a couple of handtowels from the sink, wet them and attempt to swat out the burning field, but it doesn't work. The firemen ask them how this started and Greg assures them he has no idea. And he really didn't until Dug, it's always Dug, pulled him to the side and says that (inexplicably) he emptied the hot coals from the grill at the edge of the field, but was careful to make sure not anywhere near anything that might possibly catch on fire.

He missed.

[Malthus]

Dug and Greg grab a couple of handtowels from the sink, wet them and attempt to swat out the burning field, but it doesn't work. The firemen ask them how this started and Greg assures them he has no idea. And he really didn't until Dug, it's always Dug, pulled him to the side and says that (inexplicably) he emptied the hot coals from the grill at the edge of the field, but was careful to make sure not anywhere near anything that might possibly catch on fire.

He missed.

Oh man, I so knew someone like that ... he was *always* screwing up while high. :D

Funniest was the time (oh, a good few decades ago now, when we were teens) this buddy of mine was smoking a joint in a ravine with a few friends when he suddenly realized he was supposed to meet his parents at his house and it was almost time ... but he doesn't want them seeing him come home high-he wants to pretend he never went out. So he gets the brilliant idea of sneaking into the backyard of his house from a handy ravine it backs onto. I was there when he set out for home; I was there when he mooched on back.

Only problem - said ravine was (a) quite steep and full of uncleared brush; and (b) it was early spring, so it was also rather full of melting snow, mud, and run-off. So in unobtrusively sneaking through the ravine while high, the poor fellow had a few falls, got soaked to the skin and COVERED from head to toe in thick, sticky mud, and rather banged about, scratched up, and covered with leaves and brambles - when he came back, he looked like a cross between the last survivor of an airplane crash and an unhappy golem in the process of melting.

When he reached his house, he nonetheless tried to sneak over the fence. Unfortunately, his mom was in the backyard at the time ... her screams at this apparation apparently intent on breaking in set him running back through the ravine. He cleaned himself up at his buddy's house and I never did hear what explaination he gave to his parents. :D

[Nava]

"Enunciate, fuckface!" might be a better translation.

OK, "e-nun-ciate, fuckface!" it is. Thanks for the new word!

[Kimballkid]

Enunciate or fuckface?

:)

[melodyharmonius]

Thanks everyone for keeping the Ron Thread alive.

I'm now single again and am finding myself running in to a few Ronulian types as I wade back in to the dating pool.

I've been blogging about it, for those who are interested. (www.joeywrites.com)

I hope my previous participation as a member here does not mean that linking my blog makes it spam :D:smack:

[Tess]

A former co-worker managed to spend most of her paychecks as fast as they hit her account. One day she was bragging about how much self-control she'd shown over the weekend. She'd gone to the outlet mall with her sister and hadn't spent a penny.

Well, she'd gone into a store and paid $50 on her store credit card, but that didn't count because it was just cancelling out a debt she'd already incurred.

And then she'd spotted a dress for $60 and bought it. But that just replaced the $50 she used to owe on her credit card, so really she'd paid off her credit card and bought a dress and only spent $10.

The scary part was that our jobs were in the company's finance department.

[Rack-a-Bones]

Thanks everyone for keeping the Ron Thread alive.

I'm now single again and am finding myself running in to a few Ronulian types as I wade back in to the dating pool.

I've been blogging about it, for those who are interested. (www.joeywrites.com)

I hope my previous participation as a member here does not mean that linking my blog makes it spam :D:smack:

Wow. Blast from the past. Love this thread. I just spent a whole month with a Ron. I recited the serenity prayer a lot.melodyharmonius: I dig the blog.

[3trew]

This thread was much funnier before my new department head arrived. Ron is a complete and utter Ron. I could use a little more space between this thread and my life.

[melodyharmonius]

Wow. Blast from the past. Love this thread. I just spent a whole month with a Ron. I recited the serenity prayer a lot.melodyharmonius: I dig the blog.

Thanks! It's been fun. As a new addition to the blog, I'll be posting one of my original Ron stories from this thread each Monday. I'm calling it . . .Rondays.

[Septima]

"If Valentines Day fall on Ronday, stay home". - old dopish proverb.