You have eight hours access to Wolfram & Hart's universal library. What do you read?

[Skald the Rhymer]

For those not in the know, Wolfram & Hart is the name of a mystical law firm in the television series Angel. They possessed virtually every book ever written, which persons in the research department could access by picking up a seemingly blank volume and uttering the name of the book desired; the text of the book named would then magically appear on the pages. If the book in question was not written in a language you speak, you can request it be translated into English or whatnot.

Let's say that you do the W&H Senior partners a service; not a huge service, but one they think worth rewarding. (Further stipulate that you're not important enough to the coming apocalypse to bother corrupting.) They decide to give you one work day--eight hours--access to their library. You can't take the book out of the building, nor can you use the photocopier to make copies. Nonetheless, you've got a comfortable place to sit and read, the music of your choice playing in the background, and Harmony Kendall bringing your beverage of choice while you read.

What do you read, and why?

[mbh]

The "J text", the "E text", and the "P text" (the documents from which the Book of Genesis was cobbled together).

I'd like to see what their magical translator does with the Iliad, the Odyssey, the Divine Comedy, and various Jules Verne stories.

If W&H's fictional magic allows me to view fictional books, then

The Nemedian Chronicles
The Chronicle of the Black Sword
The Journal of the Whills

[kasuo]

Caveman porn.

Or if there was a index of the works that used to be in the Library of Alexandria, I'd see what's on there.

[melodyharmonius]

The Book of Life

[Skald the Rhymer]

The "J text", the "E text", and the "P text" (the documents from which the Book of Genesis was cobbled together).

I'd like to see what their magical translator does with the Iliad, the Odyssey, the Divine Comedy, and various Jules Verne stories.


I don't think it's a magical translator; they employ humans to do that. The magic is only in the transmission of text from the "stacks," as it were, to the blank booky you're holding.

[Grumman]

Am I restricted to mundane texts? Do I have to know the title of the text myself, or can I ask for assistance or look in a catalogue? Do I have to know the original title, or is the english translation sufficient?

[Enderw24]

Oh you mean Google.

[Oakminster]

I'd go for a working version of The Necronomicon, or something similar, looking to jazz up my innate magical powers. I do have innate magical powers, right?

[Telcontar]

Thoughts:

1.) original copies of the gospels, canonical and otherwise, and certain letters of Paul. I'd compare with modern versions and make notes. I wouldn't be able to prove that I knew the true texts, but it would certainly be nice to know which scholars are right.
1b.) Various many sources theories of Genesis never really interested me that much, but would be cool if i had time.
2.) Books that would give me a serious edge in terms of magical skill or material wealth (Oh, so THAT'S where they buried that collection of Incan gold, thank you journal-of-dead-guy) are tempting, but I can't think of any likely suspects.
3.) Shakespeare's lost works.
4.) There are major omissions from the greco-roman historical and literary records. Not my personal thing (at least not in 8 hours) but it's an idea.

I'd go with 1, with a quick look at 2 if anyone had a good thought.

[silenus]

I'd request certain Top Secret govenmental reports on rich and powerful people, whom I could then blackmail for.........ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

[Little Plastic Ninja]

The Wonders Beyond Thule (http://www.tertullian.org/fathers/photius_copyright/photius_04bibliotheca.htm), an ancient novel much referred to and lost.

If they can get future books, I would snag up the Super Bowl scores for a few years ahead, too.

[Skald the Rhymer]

I'd go for a working version of The Necronomicon, or something similar, looking to jazz up my innate magical powers. I do have innate magical powers, right?

See, now you're just being silly. ;)

I look at it this way. If you had magic potential, W & R probably wouldn't give you access to their mojo unless it was part of an evil plan of theirs that would doubtlessly end with your being turned into a zombie and beheaded by Charlie Gunn. Now, it'd be one thing if this process assured you of the chance to make the beast with two backs with Lilah Morgan, but that's far from certain.

[WormTheRed]

I'd go for the Voynich Manuscript (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voynich_manuscript) in English. Just to see if it's real.

[infinitii]

I'd go for the Voynich Manuscript (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voynich_manuscript) in English. Just to see if it's real.

Dang, you stole mine-- though if all goes well, I should have the thing figured out within the year anyway...

[Leiko]

I was going to say the Voynich Manuscript. Can I get the Phaistos Disk? Not technically a book, but then, neither are most of the other things mentioned.

If I've got eight hours and I can write things down or take cell phone pictures, any lost play of Shakespeare- Love Labour's Won and Cardenio, for instance. I'd start with LLW, and at least write the character list, plot summary, and scene breakdown.

[Larry Borgia]

The dialogs of Aristotle. Heraclitus' dark book.

[dalej42]

Q (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_document)

Secret Gospel of Mark (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_Gospel_of_Mark)

Gospel of Peter (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gospel_of_Peter)

I'd like to find out if the Secret Gospel of Mark is a forgery or not and read the complete work if it is real.

I'd like to read the entire Gospel of Peter.

[Czarcasm]

Glinda's Great Book of Records.

[Orual]

Can I just use the time to formulate a plan to win a death match against the Files & Records chick, so's I can steal her job?

Also I want to read the lost plays of Sophocles, and whatever Etruscan bits and pieces they may have. Oh, and the complete works of Sappho.

[The Second Stone]

Shakespeare's play "Thomas More" which is lost. Of course we don't know if it was ever written down. But if it was, was it as good as "A Man for All Seasons"?

[Fretful Porpentine]

Shakespeare's play "Thomas More" which is lost. Of course we don't know if it was ever written down. But if it was, was it as good as "A Man for All Seasons"?

It wasn't lost, and most of it isn't by Shakespeare. It is a collaborative effort, of which Shakespeare (probably) wrote about a page. If you're curious, you can easily order a copy (http://www.amazon.com/Sir-Thomas-More-Anthony-Munday/dp/0719016320/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1231601174&sr=1-3).

Since everyone has already mentioned Love's Labour's Won, I'd order up the Ur-Hamlet and start copying like crazy.

[JThunder]

The Book of Love. All five chapters.

[Sampiro]

A couple of ground rule questions before I answer: does the book have to be known to either exist/have existed, or can it be a book that is rumored to have existed/may have existed (Capote's Answered Prayers for instance, which some say he finished and others dispute, or "show me a missing play from Shakespeare", etc.)? For that matter, can you request a book that has never existed but should have as in Lucien's library in The Sandman ("Show me what Mark Twain's essays on the 2008 Election or the autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth would have read like" for example)?

[Ronald C. Semone]

The Diaries of Sir Richard Burton which his wife burned after his death because they were "so foul."

[Captain Carrot]

The Red Book of Westmarch. Gotta see if Tolkien got it right!

[Yllaria]

The world's oldest joke book. Translated to English, with annotations, if possible.

I'm just curious to see how well they've held up.

[Skald the Rhymer]

A couple of ground rule questions before I answer: does the book have to be known to either exist/have existed, or can it be a book that is rumored to have existed/may have existed (Capote's Answered Prayers for instance, which some say he finished and others dispute, or "show me a missing play from Shakespeare", etc.)? For that matter, can you request a book that has never existed but should have as in Lucien's library in The Sandman ("Show me what Mark Twain's essays on the 2008 Election or the autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth would have read like" for example)?

I think it has to actually exist, but there's not going to be a penalty for asking for a book that doesn't. In other words, if you ask for the original, in-Westron copy of the Red Book of Westmarch from which Tolkien translated The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings, you're going to get a response that no such book exists, so try something else. (And probably remark that you're a dumbass. :D)

[Antinor01]

The Collected Works of Shakespeare. In the original Klingon.

[Skald the Rhymer]

The Collected Works of Shakespeare. In the original Klingon.

Unless you read Klingon fluently, how on Earth will that be useful to you? You'll just have to get the English translation, which is also available at Borders.

[Omi no Kami]

I would ask for the original, serialized Tale of Genji, organized by date, so I could finally figure out how many chapters and authors the damn thing had.

[BrainGlutton]

I'd like to see the Christianity-debunking book Abraham Lincoln wrote when young (and then burned the only manuscript when a friend pointed out what that would mean for his political ambitions).

[MOIDALIZE]

Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul. I would like Yanni playing in the background and a glass of warm milk, thank you.

[Least Original User Name Ever]

The Book of Life

Mr. Mister (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWyeVfuolT4)almost opens that book and lets love in.