Why would you have to resign from Obama's cabinet?

[pseudotriton ruber ruber]

My taxes are mostly in order, I think, but I have published some fiction in skin magazines. I think that's what would nail me.

Or maybe it's the severe depression I suffered fifteen years ago, after my divorce--required hospitalization.

Actually, it's neither of those. I think my posts against religion here would disqualify me if they came out. Which they would.

What's your disqualifying issue?

[silenus]

I think my rental of (and failure to return) Anal Bitches Volume 46 would come out sooner or later.

[Man With a Cat]

I'm virtually certain there are pictures of me taken at college campuses (one anyway), where I was clearly inhaling.

I KNOW there's one of me standing on the roof of a popular Carbondale establishment, preparing to urinate on some of the Hallowwen/Homecoming crowd.

But I pay my taxes faithfully.

[Really Not All That Bright]

I only skimmed his autobiography.

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

I'm not remotely qualified.

If only I'd applied to the last administration, I coulda done a heckuva job.

[Inigo Montoya]

I'm far too stupid

[Contrapuntal]

Possession of a controlled substance; to wit, marijuana.

Severe clinical depression.

Politically incorrect speech.

[Little Plastic Ninja]

Gads, I dunno. Previous membership in the Camarilla (http://camarilla.white-wolf.com/) and current membership in the SCA (http://www.sca.org/)?

I did make Cs in college and failed calculus. I live with my parents and I'm almost 30. I did get arrested, once, for a bounced check for under $25 but the case was dismissed. Spent a night in jail with meth heads, but they were really nice ladies. My credit is bad.

But no tax problems, no major legal issues.

Oh, I did get prescribed Zoloft once because I told a doctor I was feeling listless and sad for no reason.

[Cluricaun]

I think my rental of (and failure to return) Anal Bitches Volume 46 would come out sooner or later.

I tried watching that, but I hadn't seen the first 45 so I was totally lost as to what was going on.

ETA- For me the biggie would probably be my attendance at fundraisers and speeches made by Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness back before the addition of certain political groups to the US terror watchlist.

[Kolga]

I have a history of bad financial decisions in the past (all currently resolved).

I'm Wiccan.

[spooje]

Gross Incompentence.

But I'm an admitted recovering addict who firmly believes that the War on Drugs is a hideous failure and anti-American. So I would never make it through the vetting process.

[Enginerd]

I'd never make it through the confirmation hearings without using the words "really fucking stupid."

[MacTech]

I'm a firearm owner

[Bobotheoptimist]

I'm a practicing Druid (although the Dems should have less problem with that then the Rep)

I own more guns than the rest of his cabinet put together.

NRA Life member

Drug use shouldn't be a problem, we've had 3 presidents in a row that did drugs, and all (well most) of mine was decades ago.

[pseudotriton ruber ruber]

I'm a firearm owner

And who'd have a hard time with this, exactly?:confused: You?

[Tastes of Chocolate]

17 years of co-habitation, and no wedding vows in sight.
Some series monogamists would have a fit over that one. Imagine living with someone
for that long, and not being married.

[Hockey Monkey]

I inhaled.

Plus I have Foot In Mouth Disease which would invariably lead to me saying something horribly inappropriate at a horribly inappropriate time. Maybe one day there will be a cure.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

I have no legal issues, sex scandals or tax issues. What would get me in trouble is my posting on this board. I'd get Reverend Wright-ed in no time.

[Sunrazor]

I worked in a porn shop back in the early 80s when I was in college. Even worse, I sometimes took my then-4-year-old son there because we could't afford day care. He was only there an hour, though -- I worked 4 to midnight, and my wife would come get him at 5 p.m. But yeah, I think that pretty much disqualifies me from ever being elected or confirmed to any government post.

[foolsguinea]

The absolute failure to file tax returns for years of being underemployed, to the point that I didn't get EIC I was entitled to?

[DianaG]

I've been purposely living my life in a way designed to horrify Middle America since 1986.

[Skald the Rhymer]

You guys would betray you. All of you. I suspect even the Tolkien crew would rat me out.

"Mr. Rhymer," the senator would say, "is it or is it not true that you have on...let me check my notes....24981 separate occasions plotted, threatened, or actively campaigned to conquer the Earth? Are you not, in fact, even as we speak conducting proscribed genetic engineering experiments on cloned pteranodons? Is the anti-matter bomb in this photograph, located at the very center of the Earth, not keyed to go off at the moment of your death?"

I don't trust any of you guys. 'Cept what's-her-name over there, with the nice rack, and what's-his-name with the freckles.

[Kalypso]

Nude photos, some of them containing BDSM or hardcore imagery.

[ivylass]

Because I didn't vote for him. :p

[Skald the Rhymer]

Because I didn't vote for him. :p

You think Robert Gates voted for Obama? Or the new nominee for Commerce Secretary, Judd Gregg (http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2009/02/obama-nominates.html)? Or Hillary Clinton? :D

[GuanoLad]

No comprehension of the twisted insanity that is US politics.

Or any politics, really. Not that that's stopped politicians from getting to power, but I think Obama is picky about that kind of thing.

I don't think my atheism would matter, but my history in porn probably would count against me.

[Kolga]

I don't think my atheism would matter, but my history in porn probably would count against me.

Honestly, I would be willing to bet good money that the former would matter significantly more than the latter.

[Knorf]

Let's see. Of course I have no skills he would find useful, unless he comes up with something like Secretary of Classical and Contemporary Art Music, or needs a Staff Bassoonist.

Other than that I think I'd be in! w00t

Unless he booted me for playing too much World of Warcraft instead of doing work.

[ivylass]

You think Robert Gates voted for Obama? Or the new nominee for Commerce Secretary, Judd Gregg (http://blogs.usatoday.com/ondeadline/2009/02/obama-nominates.html)? Or Hillary Clinton? :D

Oh, well, in that case, boot Hillary and let me be Sec of State. I hear the travel perks are mahhhvelous.

[GuanoLad]

Honestly, I would be willing to bet good money that the former would matter significantly more than the latter.Well, if that's true, that is all kinds of wrong. As long as I am not outspoken about what I believe or don't believe, I can't see that it would interfere.

I am willing to bet there are plenty of high level politicians who are atheist, and have learned not to rock the boat with things that ultimately don't matter. It's hardly scandalous to believe something different, as long as you aren't out there actively murdering infidels or being a hypocrite.

[Peanut Gallery]

Among the dozens of counts already listed of which I am guilty alongside the rest of you...

I dropped out of high school. ... a few times. :D

And more seriously, I'd have a moral problem with serving at that level. I understand the oath to be "look out for America first", but I would want to act with "humanity first" in mind, which, depending on the job, could sometimes be distinctly at odds with the former.


I worked in a porn shop back in the early 80s ... I sometimes took my then-4-year-old son there ...

Now see, that's a pass cuz Obama approves of graphic sex ed. for kids. A nice lady told me so.

[Barrett Bonden]

I stole a cow.

[Chronos]

I didn't do all my own work on my PhD thesis. Not that anyone else did it either, mind you: It's just not done yet.

But seriously, that is the real reason. The only cabinet position I could suspend my disbelief far enough to hold would be one of the science-related ones: National Science Adviser, Secretary of Energy, etc. And I would hope that a PhD would be regarded as a necessary qualification for any of those (a Nobel Prize is not a necessary qualification, but still a very nice one).

[Bobotheoptimist]

And who'd have a hard time with this, exactly?:confused: You?

You haven't heard? Uh, Obama is very much against firearm ownership. His "application" thing for a position was pretty clear about that, IMHO.

[pseudotriton ruber ruber]

You haven't heard? Uh, Obama is very much against firearm ownership. His "application" thing for a position was pretty clear about that, IMHO.

Please tell me more about Obama's exclusion of gun owners from his cabinet, since this is so clear.

[Muffin]

I'm a citizen and resident of Kanukistan.

[Lillith Fair]

I'm a blabbermouth. I can't keep a secret.

[RickJay]

But to answer the question seriously...

I have no criminal record, a good education, military service. Leaving aside my being Canadian (and I could become a citizen, after all) you know what'd get me?

All my comments on the Internet.

Seriously. I've been posting to message boards since the FIRST Bush administration and I'd get ripped apart. On this board alone I've started threads on how I might be farting holes in my underwear, about people I hate, and various other unpolitical things. It would be trivially easy for someone to figure out who RickJay was and I'd be torn to shreds.

[hajario]

Of the three biggies, "rock and roll" is the only one that wouldn't disqualify me.

[Attack from the 3rd dimension]

I fled the US to live in Canuckistan. I now am a Canuckistani citizen.

I have an 'America : Love It or Leave It' sticker on my laptop, and formerly on ma truck. (see above).

I'm a Buddhist, and he didn't mention us in his inaugural address.

Probably Ms. Attack, but I haven't figured out exactly why. She looks like she belongs in the Bader Meinhof gang, which may be enough.

My relatives (Hi, T. Slothrop !), but of course, that works both ways.

[Jragon]

When I mess up I strangle and bite myself, start crying and utterly BSOD for a few days. Sadly I'm not kidding. So I suppose so long as I was PERFECT I could muddle through my service, but that's not quite likely.

[CairoCarol]

I can't think and talk at the same time.

[Little Nemo]

After I slept with Michelle, things would be awkward at cabinet meetings.

[Rigamarole]

I have a few skeletons in my closet.

No, really. I don't have a backyard to bury the bodies so it seemed like the only logical place to keep them.

[jjimm]

I think the vetting machine would explode within 100 feet of me.

[Hilarity N. Suze]

When they asked, "Have you ever attempted to overthrow, or contributed to a group that attempted to overthrow, the U.S. government, by sedition or force?"

I thought too long, and then said "sedition."

[Sleeps With Butterflies]

Weed.

[Hostile Dialect]

I've plotted to overthrow the government. Obama may have broken the coke barrier, but some lines just can't be crossed.

I'm a firearm owner

So is Joe Biden. Last I checked, he's got a pretty sweet job in the Obama administration.

Plus I have Foot In Mouth Disease which would invariably lead to me saying something horribly inappropriate at a horribly inappropriate time. Maybe one day there will be a cure.

OK, again, Joe Freakin' Biden.

Well, if that's true, that is all kinds of wrong. As long as I am not outspoken about what I believe or don't believe, I can't see that it would interfere.

I am willing to bet there are plenty of high level politicians who are atheist, and have learned not to rock the boat with things that ultimately don't matter.

Welcome to American politics. Nobody can get elected without being avowedly Christian except in the most blatantly liberal elections (say, representative for Hillcrest (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hillcrest,_San_Diego,_California), or governor of Vermont) or, presumably, in local races where Christians are in the minority.

Hostile Dialect,
Hostile Dialect, Narcissist

[CairoCarol]

Weed.

Weed doesn't count. In Dreams of My Father, Obama admits to drug use during high school - he doesn't go into detail at all, but it is pretty obvious that in this day and age no one cares if you've used drugs in the past, as long as (1) you don't lie about it; and (2) you aren't using them anymore.

Heck, didn't W admit to cocaine usage when he was a youngster? Or was that just in some inflamed dream I had?

[3acresandatruck]

I once made a mistake on my 1040 and the IRS sent me a letter saying I owed them more money plus a penalty. I read the text about the mistake I'd made and said "Bwuh?", then wrote a check and mailed it. That was about 18 years ago and I haven't heard anything more about it, but apparently that's a cardinal sin now.

I used to take a personal holiday every February 2nd and some of my coworkers thought that meant I was a pagan, so that could be a problem. The truth is even worse: I'm an atheist and I don't hide it. I got arrested for marijuana possession last year (under a gram; I pled guilty). And every one of my friends and relatives would tell any investigator that I'm smart, but seriously insane. Seriously.

[Little Nemo]

Heck, didn't W admit to cocaine usage when he was a youngster? Or was that just in some inflamed dream I had?I believe he consistently refused to confirm or deny any allegations concerning illegal drug use beyond stating that he had not used any illegal drugs in the past twenty five years when he was running for office in 1999.

[control-z]

Probably my constant questioning of his policies.

[norinew]

Sixteen-fourteen years ago, I worked as a phone sex operator.

[silenus]

Sixteen-fourteen years ago, I worked as a phone sex operator.

Wow, Were you, by any chance, "Mistress Penelope?" If so, it's me..."Harold."

[Sleeps With Butterflies]

Weed doesn't count. In Dreams of My Father, Obama admits to drug use during high school - he doesn't go into detail at all, but it is pretty obvious that in this day and age no one cares if you've used drugs in the past, as long as (1) you don't lie about it; and (2) you aren't using them anymore.

Heck, didn't W admit to cocaine usage when he was a youngster? Or was that just in some inflamed dream I had?

Yeah I've read his books.

I wouldn't quit, so it would count.

;)

[Algher]

Kicked out of the Marine Corps for "poor military aptitude" after I told a superior EXACTLY how he failed to measure up to standards.

Significant drug experimentation (and being a believer in the scientific method, I kept on testing new hypotheses) after that, to make up for lost time.

Two contributions on record: Pat Bucahanan and Obama. I would LOVE to sit through that round of questioning.

Columnist for a right wing campus newspaper in my youth.

[norinew]

Wow, Were you, by any chance, "Mistress Penelope?" If so, it's me..."Harold."
Nope, sorry, I was always "Tonya". :cool:

[Hostile Dialect]

Heck, didn't W admit to cocaine usage when he was a youngster? Or was that just in some inflamed dream I had?

I'm pretty sure he and Pres. Obama have both admitted to having used cocaine.

You make a good point with the honesty thing--Bill Clinton isn't derided for having smoked pot in college (who didn't?), but for claiming that he "didn't inhale".

Hostile Dialect,
Hostile Dialect, Narcissist

[Illuminatiprimus]

Not being an American.

Being a Satanist.

The fact that you could probably still purchase pictures of me naked off the internet (and the fact that I fully intend to be in a live action porn DVD at some point in the not so distant future - it's one of my goals in life people!)

The fact that I've smoked weed although am anti now.

The fact that I'm gay.

The fact that I'm not particularly interested in saying what people want to hear.


Probably in that order.

[jabiru]

I'm the wrong nationality.

[Mikkel]

I'm the wrong nationality.

Me too, probably not the same nationality, then I was a member of the Anarchist Federation of Denmark (AFID http://www.anarchy.no/afid.html ) in the seventies, oh, and I did inhale too ;).

[Kyla]

I'm too left-wing.

Other than that, I'm golden. I don't have a criminal record, I pay my taxes, don't do drugs, and next year I'll officially be a policy wonk. But I'm also pro-gay marriage and anti-capital punishment, and I wouldn't hide it.

Also, there's that time I kicked a student.

[Illuminatiprimus]

Also, there's that time I kicked a student.At least it wasn't a puppy.

[Nava]

Wrong nationality.

Got Pitted for a remark about black humor and 9/11.

Didn't finish my PhD.

The US Government has a list of over 20 aliases for me. Most of them are, under Spanish law, not considered aliases as they're either misspellings or "evident variations" (1), but if the Americans want to consider Mariana, Mari Ana and Mary Ana (not my name, but similar) as separate names, who am I to tell them how to waste their money?

Too allergic to lawyers.


(1): if a guy is called "Bob" and his name is Robert, that's an "evident variation." If he's called Bob and his name is James, that's an alias.

[Kyla]

At least it wasn't a puppy.

Well, I'm not a monster.

[Missy2U]

I'm just a real BITCH.