How to evade awkward questions

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

Littlest Brother is sitting in the room, surfing the net. Out of the blue, he asks, "What is menstrual blood?"

Without missing a beat, Older Little Brother says, "It's what you get when you kill a minstrel."

[carnivorousplant]

Older Little Brother has a future in Advertising or Sales.:)

[Alice The Goon]

When I was a teen, my dimit teenaged brother just out of the blue one time asked my mother was sodomy was. I could have died in that instant- talk about awkward. Without missing a beat, my kindly, modest, 50's-style mom said sweetly, "It's when you fuck somebody in the ass, dear."

[Mahaloth]

When I was a teen, my dimit teenaged brother just out of the blue one time asked my mother was sodomy was. I could have died in that instant- talk about awkward. Without missing a beat, my kindly, modest, 50's-style mom said sweetly, "It's when you fuck somebody in the ass, dear."

Well, she was just a really honest lady, I guess.

I'm still laughing having read your post. :D

[Sage Rat]

Why not just answer? He'll just find it interesting and/or confusing, but most certainly he won't explode into little bits nor become a rapist. There's nothing different from menstrual blood and something like pee and poo, practically speaking, and it's unlikely the tyke is unaware of those.

[carnivorousplant]

Why not just answer?

Because it ain't funny. :)

[appleciders]

I'm not really sure I understand your question.

[Boyo Jim]

I'm not really sure I understand your question.


The OP was not a query for a better answer. It was an example of a very good answer.

A somewhat worse answer would be, "You're saying it wrong. It's mens' stool blood. It's usually an indicator of hemorrhoids."

[Dallas Jones]

When I was a teen, my dimit teenaged brother just out of the blue one time asked my mother was sodomy was. I could have died in that instant- talk about awkward. Without missing a beat, my kindly, modest, 50's-style mom said sweetly, "It's when you fuck somebody in the ass, dear."

If you are old enough to ask this question you should get a straight answer.

I love your mom.

I never withheld information from my boys if they asked. I find it wrong to tell a child one thing because you may think they are too young for the truth. And then later when you really want them to believe you, and you have told them 'white lies', will they take your advice or will they think it is just another partial truth?

In order to ask a proper question you must already know part of the answer.

[Guinastasia]

I'm reminded of the scene in the movie "Parenthood" when Steve Martin comes out with his sister's vibrator, and his daughter asks her mother what it is.

Mary Steenburgen: "It's an electric ear-cleaner."
Daughter: "It's kinda big."

[Sage Rat]

The OP was not a query for a better answer. It was an example of a very good answer.

:smack:

[Zoe]

Give your funny answers if you must, but then give a simple but honest answer. You don't have to go into all of the details.

Alice, you have one cool mother!

I was really thrilled when my grandson came to me with some questions a couple of times. He did it in the presence of his older sisters, but they tended to tease him. He was about six years old, I think.

[Lynn Bodoni]

I remember, when I was very young, finding my mother's sanitary belt. (http://www.mum.org/beltclass.htm) At least, I would assume it was my mother's. My younger sister and I played with it for a while, until my mother came along and snatched it from us, without answering any questions as to what it was and what it was used for.

Similarly, we had to pick up sex education in the playground, until the educational system finally clued us in. When I was about 10 to 12, I was terrified of a male touching me when I had my period, as I thought that any masculine touch might get me pregnant. And yes, I first menstruated when I was 10.

[Rolken]

I never withheld information from my boys if they asked. I find it wrong to tell a child one thing because you may think they are too young for the truth. And then later when you really want them to believe you, and you have told them 'white lies', will they take your advice or will they think it is just another partial truth?
Plus you teach your kid that it's OK to lie. And if they're not old enough to talk about a particular awkward subject, then I would bet that they're not old enough to understand the justification for a particular lie.

[BigT]

Plus you teach your kid that it's OK to lie. And if they're not old enough to talk about a particular awkward subject, then I would bet that they're not old enough to understand the justification for a particular lie.

Plus, there's almost always a way to answer the question without lying and on the kid's level. In fact, I'd advise only giving the kid a very vague answer to help gauge his interest. You could even just say, "We can discuss that later," and see if the kid actually brings it back up. If he is really interested, chances are he's ready for some sort of straight answer.

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

Give your funny answers if you must, but then give a simple but honest answer. You don't have to go into all of the details.


I told him, "Go ask Mommy."

What? She knows how to give these talks better than I do.

[handsomeharry]

Give your funny answers if you must, but then give a simple but honest answer. You don't have to go into all of the details.
.

Or, simply say ""ever heard of a dictionary?'

[Guinastasia]

BabySis: "Dad, what does an enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit."
BabySis: "Then what does a barium enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit a lot."

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

BabySis: "Dad, what does an enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit."
BabySis: "Then what does a barium enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit a lot."
Missed a perfectly good opportunity to teach about radio-opaque material with that answer.......

[AskNott]

BabySis: "Dad, what does an enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit."
BabySis: "Then what does a barium enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit a lot."

It makes you shit, and you have to bury the shit.

[Boyo Jim]

BabySis: "Dad, what does an enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit."
BabySis: "Then what does a barium enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit a lot."

It makes your shit GLOW! Doesn't smell any better though. You have to be really really rich to have shit that doesn't stink.

[DooWahDiddy]

I'm reminded of the scene in the movie "Parenthood" when Steve Martin comes out with his sister's vibrator, and his daughter asks her mother what it is.

Mary Steenburgen: "It's an electric ear-cleaner."
Daughter: "It's kinda big."

But you left out the punchline!

Mary Steenburgen: "It's an electric ear-cleaner."
Daughter: "It's kinda big."
Grandma: "It sure was!"

:D

[Doom Slinger]

When I was a little kid just learning how to sound out words, I saw the word "SEX" on a risqué greeting card in the grocery store, and asked my mom what it meant.

She told me it was Latin for "six."

[carnivorousplant]

She told me it was Latin for "six."

Kinky.
Really kinky.

[MonkeyMensch]

... I remember, when I was very young, finding my mother's sanitary belt. (http://www.mum.org/beltclass.htm) At least, I would assume it was my mother's. ...

Ah, thank you Lynn. I just about cried looking at that pic. As the youngest of six (with two girls) I thought my sisters had the worst garter belts on the planet, but it turns out they were just bleeding to death in shifts.

(Sniff, sniff)

[BrotherCadfael]

It's not awkward, but the OP reminds me of my mother's story of asking her father what "pedestrians" were. Without missing a beat, he replied, "People from Pedestria".

Later on, she volunteered that answer in response to her teacher's question in class. The response from the teacher was not positive.

Maybe it was awkward after all...

[Jodi]

When my dad was a tour guide on the Red Buses in Glacier Park in the '50s, an elderly woman was taking copious notes in a notebook. She asked him about a red bird on the shoulder of the highway, "What kind of a bird is that?" He told her it was a Nearoada. She dutifully wrote it down. He didn't know when the penny dropped, but as she exited the bus at the end of the tour, she smacked him in the head with her notebook.

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

Penny isn't dropping here.

"Near-road-uh"?

[Man With a Cat]

When my daughter was about 6-7, she had been reading something, pointed at a word and asked me what it meant.

O-R-G-A-S-M

Yeah, we let her read pretty much whatever she picked up, this was in one of her mom's magazines.

Anyway, I explained how when we're in the car, and driving fast over a hill and we start going down over the hill, and how your stomach goes all jibbity? That's an orgasm.

A year or so later, we're at the Six Flags, and in line for some roller coaster when she announces to everyone in sight that she can't wait to have that orgasm, and don't you guys have one too, and isn't that cool?


She got straight answers after that.

[Chronos]

Quoth BigT:Plus, there's almost always a way to answer the question without lying and on the kid's level. In fact, I'd advise only giving the kid a very vague answer to help gauge his interest. You could even just say, "We can discuss that later," and see if the kid actually brings it back up. If he is really interested, chances are he's ready for some sort of straight answer.I agree with this. You don't necessarily have to give a complete answer, but you should at least give a correct answer. When the kid finds a vibrator in your bedroom, you can lead off with "Oh, that's Mommy's". If he presses further, "Grown-ups play with those sometimes, but they're not for kids.". If he still presses for more information after that, then you can start with the whole Birds and Bees thing.

Of course, if it's not your child, then "That's the kind of question you should ask your parents" works, too (so long as you know that the parents will give a straight answer).

[PlainJain]

When I was a teen, my dimit teenaged brother just out of the blue one time asked my mother was sodomy was. I could have died in that instant- talk about awkward. Without missing a beat, my kindly, modest, 50's-style mom said sweetly, "It's when you fuck somebody in the ass, dear."

Don't mean to "me too" here but day-umm that was funny.

[carnivorousplant]

Penny isn't dropping here.



Me, too.

Er, "nor I".

[Jodi]

Penny isn't dropping here.

"Near-road-uh"?

Yeah, a "near road - ah" I'm not saying it was the funniest thing ever, but he was (and is) known for just making something up in jest if he didn't/doesn't know the answer. After seeing the University of Minnesota mascot, he told my sister the team was the Chipmunks, and that "Alvin and the Chipmunks" came from Minnesota. (The team is actually the Golden Gophers.)

Life with Dad is an ongoing game of "Bullshit Or Not?"

[carnivorousplant]

Yeah, a "near road - ah" I'm not saying it was the funniest thing ever,

Christ, I wish I could slap him.



:)

[Lynn Bodoni]

BabySis: "Dad, what does an enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit."
BabySis: "Then what does a barium enema do?"
Dad: "It makes you shit a lot." No, no, no. It makes you shit metal lumps, that's what it does. Metal lumps that clang against the toilet bottom when they hit it.

I think that the only thing I hate worse than a barium enema is drinking the barium solution beforehand. My body recognizes that this stuff is poisonous and dangerous and should not be taken internally, and makes every effort to get this message through to my brain.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Ah, thank you Lynn. I just about cried looking at that pic. As the youngest of six (with two girls) I thought my sisters had the worst garter belts on the planet, but it turns out they were just bleeding to death in shifts.

(Sniff, sniff) I am delighted to provide you with the Straight Dope on this subject.

However, don't expect me to explain the rest of the Secrets of Womanhood to you. You're just going to have to explore the Museum of Menstruation for yourself. :D

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

When my daughter was about 6-7, she had been reading something, pointed at a word and asked me what it meant.

O-R-G-A-S-M

Yeah, we let her read pretty much whatever she picked up, this was in one of her mom's magazines.

Anyway, I explained how when we're in the car, and driving fast over a hill and we start going down over the hill, and how your stomach goes all jibbity? That's an orgasm.

A year or so later, we're at the Six Flags, and in line for some roller coaster when she announces to everyone in sight that she can't wait to have that orgasm, and don't you guys have one too, and isn't that cool?


She got straight answers after that.

This deserves some sort of insightful and witty comment, but I can't think of anything other than :eek:. Maybe when I stop laughing.

[Soul Brother Number Two]

When my daughter was about 6-7

How tall is she now?

[Mama Zappa]

If you are old enough to ask this question you should get a straight answer.

I love your mom.

I never withheld information from my boys if they asked. I find it wrong to tell a child one thing because you may think they are too young for the truth. And then later when you really want them to believe you, and you have told them 'white lies', will they take your advice or will they think it is just another partial truth?

In order to ask a proper question you must already know part of the answer.
Well, for the most part I agree with you.

However.... when a 6 year old reads a sign on a shop as you're driving past, and asks what an "Adult Toy Store is"... one must weigh the benefits of a truthful answer, versus the child's level of understanding and whether he even has sufficient background knowledge to comprehend anything like a truthful answer. Sort of like explaining high-speed internet to someone who's never seen electricity in use. (I've told the "adult toy store" tale here before and yeah, I lied like a rug - told him it was a place that sold grownup "toys" like VCRs etc.).

Depending on the age of littlestbro, I suspect a truthful answer is appropriate. If littlestbro has no clue about reproduction, of course, it may be tricky to put it in terms he'd understand, without spending hours on the subject.

Our Moon Unit, at age 8ish, got a factual answer when she asked her father "what's a lesbian".

[Solfy]

My brother was only about 6yrs old when he overheard a story on the local news that used the word "porn."
He asked our mother what porn was. She told him, "It's corn spelled with a P."
He accepted the answer and went on his merry way. She still can't believe he bought that answer.

Some things kids can find out just fine by themselves.

[Cat Fight]

When I was a teen, my dimit teenaged brother just out of the blue one time asked my mother was sodomy was. I could have died in that instant- talk about awkward. Without missing a beat, my kindly, modest, 50's-style mom said sweetly, "It's when you fuck somebody in the ass, dear."

*Applause*

[Guinastasia]

No, no, no. It makes you shit metal lumps, that's what it does. Metal lumps that clang against the toilet bottom when they hit it.

I think that the only thing I hate worse than a barium enema is drinking the barium solution beforehand. My body recognizes that this stuff is poisonous and dangerous and should not be taken internally, and makes every effort to get this message through to my brain.

I volunteered for about two years in a G.I. lab at the local hospital. (Doing some light typing and filing). A lot of people would comment on that awful stuff they had to drink before a colonoscopy. Is that the same thing?

[cwthree]

I volunteered for about two years in a G.I. lab at the local hospital. (Doing some light typing and filing). A lot of people would comment on that awful stuff they had to drink before a colonoscopy. Is that the same thing?
Nah, the pre-colonoscopy stuff is a watery, electrolyte-enhanced, purgative designed to cause explosive defecation resulting an an empty, squeaky-clean colon. The barium solution tastes kind of like a chalky, room-temperature meal-replacement drink, and it's designed to coat the inside of the GI tract, making it possible to get a good X-ray image of the contours thereof.

The barium concoction can be somewhat constipating, and they usually warn you to drink lots of fluids after a round of the stuff to ensure that this doesn't happen. Shit passed after drinking barium may not glow, but it doesn't float, either.

[Chronos]

However.... when a 6 year old reads a sign on a shop as you're driving past, and asks what an "Adult Toy Store is"... one must weigh the benefits of a truthful answer, versus the child's level of understanding and whether he even has sufficient background knowledge to comprehend anything like a truthful answer. Sort of like explaining high-speed internet to someone who's never seen electricity in use. (I've told the "adult toy store" tale here before and yeah, I lied like a rug - told him it was a place that sold grownup "toys" like VCRs etc.).I remember one time, when I was probably about 10 or 12, that I was looking for the latest issue of Nintendo Power magazine, and thought it might be found at a store with blacked-out windows and a sign that said "popular magazines", or some such. After all, Nintendo Power has to be a pretty popular magazine, right? I don't remember all the details, but Mom straightened me out on that one.

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

Depending on the age of littlestbro, I suspect a truthful answer is appropriate. If littlestbro has no clue about reproduction, of course, it may be tricky to put it in terms he'd understand, without spending hours on the subject.


He actually ended up looking it up in the dictionary.

[Lynn Bodoni]

He actually ended up looking it up in the dictionary. When I was in my tweens/early teens, I spent a lot of time with the Family Medical Guide, trying to fill the gaps in my knowledge. When I was the mother of a tween, I bought her a copy of Our Bodies, Our Selves, which had many interesting and educational articles, photos, and illustrations. She was highly embarrassed, but I noticed that the book stayed in her room, and moved about the room. Apparently she got over her embarrassment enough to read the book.

When she was in her mid teens, I bought a box of condoms, and showed her how to put a condom on a broomstick. I told her that using a condom properly might save her life and health. This was another "MOTHER, I AM going to DIE of EMBARRASSMENT" moment, but she lived through it.

[Covered_In_Bees!]

When she was in her mid teens, I bought a box of condoms, and showed her how to put a condom on a broomstick.

Broomsticks are not all that wide. You really were preparing her for real life weren't ya? :p

[Lynn Bodoni]

Nah, the pre-colonoscopy stuff is a watery, electrolyte-enhanced, purgative designed to cause explosive defecation resulting an an empty, squeaky-clean colon. The barium solution tastes kind of like a chalky, room-temperature meal-replacement drink, and it's designed to coat the inside of the GI tract, making it possible to get a good X-ray image of the contours thereof.

The barium concoction can be somewhat constipating, and they usually warn you to drink lots of fluids after a round of the stuff to ensure that this doesn't happen. Shit passed after drinking barium may not glow, but it doesn't float, either. It is not advisable to go any further than about 50 feet from a bathroom after drinking the colonoscopy purgative. That stuff is very, very effective.

After having the X rays done of my innards, the techs kept me at the clinic until I had passed as much of the residue as I could.

[miamouse]

We were all at my grandmother's house watching tv (she was about 75 at the time), and someone on the tube mentioned the word blowjob. She turns to my mother and says "What's a blowjob?" My mom shifts uncomfortably because her four kids are in the room, two of them snickering, and says "That's oral sex, Mom." My grandmother, not satisfied (heh) with the answer, "What's that?" And so my mom leans over and whispers in her ear, and my grandmother pauses, looks at my mom to make sure she's not making a joke and says "That's disGUSTing!"

[bengangmo]

When I was in my tweens/early teens, I spent a lot of time with the Family Medical Guide, trying to fill the gaps in my knowledge. When I was the mother of a tween, I bought her a copy of Our Bodies, Our Selves, which had many interesting and educational articles, photos, and illustrations. She was highly embarrassed, but I noticed that the book stayed in her room, and moved about the room. Apparently she got over her embarrassment enough to read the book.

When she was in her mid teens, I bought a box of condoms, and showed her how to put a condom on a broomstick. I told her that using a condom properly might save her life and health. This was another "MOTHER, I AM going to DIE of EMBARRASSMENT" moment, but she lived through it.

I remember when I was young my parents got me a "where do babies come from" book, and we also watched a sex ed show together - it wasn't explicit, but it did show graphics of how to put a condom on. It also showed one comedy skit of the lady putting a condom on a guys foot (If its any bigger than that sex is off!)