Write the comic-book origin story of the poster above you

[Skald the Rhymer]

You can decide for yourself whether said poster is a hero or villain, lone wolf or team mainstay, romantic lead or bumbling sidekick. If you're especially ambitious you can go all out and do the whole insane Marvel Handbook thing.

[Oakminster]

Skald the Rhymer was the notorious Arch Villian known as Fabulous Creature. Seeking to further his quest for global domination, FC performed a magic ritual at the crossroads. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending upon one's perspective on such things, FC took the wrong exit off the bypass, and instead of performing his arcane magics at the intersection of Hwy 61 & Hwy 49 near Clarksdale, MS, he performed the ritual at the intersection of Hwy 78 & Hwy 45 near Tupelo, MS. As a result, instead of summoning Old Scratch and learning to play the guitar, FC summoned a mysterious figure with sideburns and a white jumpsuit studded with rhinestones. FC was offered a peanut butter & bannana sandwhich, which he accepted and ate. Unbeknownst to FC, the sandwhich was indused with the Power of the King, and purged all evil from his soul. The de-villified FC then realized his true destiny...to entertain the world with stories and mirth as Skald the Rhymer. He now wields a mystic fountain pen acquired in subsequent adventures.....

[ultrafilter]

Odin was able to negotiate perfect wisdom for his eye, but the minister couldn't do any better than being turned to oak in exchange for his i. At least he didn't just give it away.

[Wisthekiller]

Ultrafilter used to be a sponge, not a normal one, the mightiest sponge in the whole sea. One day he found the ring of ultra and became ultrafilter.

[Kamino Neko]

When the Justice League realized their coffee wasn't that good, they turned to Dr Vaun Jaldez, to create the ultimate coffee filter - the ultrafilter.

Edit - bah, no fair!

[KneadToKnow]

Wisthekiller and Tengu were just normal people, until the day they were accidentally exposed to Uncle Cecil's Radioactive Breath Spray (Fighting the Smell of Ignorance since 1994).

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

KneadToKnow was once an ordinary baker. After kneading radioactive bread dough, he gained his mighty BreadBrain!

<DUN-DUN-DAAAA!>

[Der Trihs]

Bosda Di'Chi was rocketed from the doomed planet of Tricor as a baby. Adopted by human parents, he was traumatised by the brutal murder of his adopted parents. He was inspired to adopt a costumed persona to fight criminals like those who killed his parents when a radioactive bat flew through a window and bit him, granting him batlike powers. Supplementing these powers with a power ring and flying silver surfboard he retrieved from the rocket that sent him to Earth, he fights crime in his parent's name.

[Skald the Rhymer]

The dark secret of Starfleet is this: they can afford to expend so many security officers because security officers are all clones, created in defiance of the ban on genetic engineering that was enacted at the end of the Eugenics Wars (and modified to vary slightly in appearance). These officers are all bred to accept their high death rate without complaint.

But in one case this did not one. One clone, alone among all his brothers, was immune to the brainwashing that causes the rest of them to march merrily to death by the hundred. That clone, incensed by the injustice that lies at the heart of Starfleet, used Platonian, Scalosian, and Betazed tech to grant himself both telepathy, telekinesis, and super-human speed. Thus empowered he has sworn revenge on the corrupt UFP in general, and in particular the one Starfleet officer who has seen the most clones die under his command--James Kirk, naturally. Until he is ready for his revenge he must travel under a pseudonym; the name he has chosen is, of course, Der Trihs, for he is the opposite of the average red shirt.

[KneadToKnow]

[side note, do not count toward the origin story thing]
Oy. The baking thing again.
[/side note]






;)

[Half Man Half Wit]

Once a notorious villain hell bent on world destruction and conquest, or perhaps the other way round, he was bitten by a radioactive boyscout, only to become endowed with its proportionate abilities -- to knit! To knot! To start fires! To erect tents! To weave little baskets from reed! Wielding the Merit Badge of Mightiness, and possessed by an irresistible urge to help little old ladies across the street, he is... Skald the Rhymer!

[Larry Borgia]

The Wit were the scourge of the Galaxy. Ten feet tall with 12 senses, force claws, and the ability to understand any technology merely by percieving it, they ruled the galaxy a billion years before the rise of mankind, perishing in the final god-wars.

In the year 2727 a team of xenoarcheologists discovered a Wit outpost in the Solathi system. They were astonished to discover the corpse of a Wit warrior, perfectly preserved in Katalite. They sold their discovery to Omnigen, who used the corpse's DNA to create the perfect mercenary: Half Man, Half Wit!

[Dr. Drake]

Do-gooding time-travellers kidnapped Lucrezia Borgia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucrezia_Borgia) and brought her forward to face justice. Trapped five hundred years into her future, the adaptable murderess learned to use the internet while awaiting trial. Her knowledge of sixteenth-century poisons enabled her to dispose of judge, jury, lawyers, and food court workers and escape from the courthouse. The clever villainess thought of a fiendish plan to escape justice for good: she found a plastic surgeon, lopped off a couple of once-beautiful but now sagging breasts, acquired a prosthesis, and became: Larry Borgia.

[Sunspace]

Dr. Drake arose from humble origins. Originally a humble biologist spending his days charting the local mallard population, he was horribly injured when a negligent farmer sprayed his marsh with improperly-mixed herbicides and pesticides. The chemicals burned him and the birds he was working with, knocking them unconscious and melding them together. When he awoke, he could comprehend the bird 'language' (more accurately, their emotions and intent), and his beautiful iridescent plumage made him a favourite with men, women and birds. Both his research and his love life flourished. As did his desire for justice and revenge.

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

There was a solar flair during a geomagnetic storm. Thus was born... Sunspace!

Sunspace floats around the galaxy, stopping rogue comets and protecting inhabited planets from background radiation. Someday, when the majority of sentient life is judged ready, he will reveal the secret of faster-than-light travel and usher in an age of space exploration. Until then, he is a lonely sentinel in the sky.

PS. If I've gotten the gender wrong, just flip the he's to she's.

PSS. I'm a she.

[Don Draper]

After a freak ipod catastrophe, an ordinary woman's inner ear was damaged irreparably, then rebuilt better, stronger, faster (well, maybe not faster) - and given Jamie Sommers-like hearing abilities!

Unfortunately, whenever she attempts to utilize her awesome bionically-enhanced hearing abilities, whatever conversation she's listening in on is drowned out by the "DOOdoodoodoooo" sound the bionic part makes...





My username ought'a be easy!

[carnivorousplant]

Falling into a vat of DNA altered schmaltz at a Kosher food packing factory during a battle with one of Lex Luthor's ex-wives, Superman became new, improved and very, very smelly.

[wunderkammer]

Years ago, a humble asparagus was bitten by a radioactive vegetarian. Now, suffused with sentience and super strength, carnivorousplant avenges his family and bites back!

[DiggitCamara]

Years ago, a humble asparagus was bitten by a radioactive vegetarian. Now, suffused with sentience and super strength, carnivorousplant avenges his family and bites back!

Hit by a dozen neutrinos, this ordinary chamber became a marvelous room! Thus, Wunderkammer (known as W. Chamber in his meek-mannered alter ego) was born! Its powers: amaze anyone who enters it! (And thus, usually found at wandering circuses around the country)

[Dragwyr]

Working on a digital camera assembly line, an unassuming line worker accidentally gets his left ring finger caught in the assembly machine. The end result: Now he can take digital photos up to 8 MP at any time with just the slightest flick of his left ring finger. Choosing to use his new found power for good (though still needing help with his spelling), he is now known by the name, "DiggitCamara"

In the latest issue of DiggitCamara, watch and see if he will survive the upgrade to USB 2.0.

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

In ancient times, no beast was as feared as the dragon. And no dragon was as feared as the mighty Dragwyr. This cunning beast was unsatiable in his lust for gold to hoard, and unstoppable in his fury. Many knights were sent to slay the beast, but none returned.
A wizard was summoned to unmake the creature, but his spell misfired. Instead of killing the Dragwyr, it merely sent it away through time, to prensent day Manhattan.

Only one superhero can stop the Dragwyr in its tracks, and prevent it from taking over New York's banks in its quest for wealth. (The Dragwyr is a very poor banker. Hence the current recession). And that one superhero(ine) is...

[Wisthekiller]

Malleus, Incus, Stapes! was formerly the ear of Sarah Connor. During a violent battle the ear came off, luckily they were able to preserve it and grow it into a person. It was sent to the past uncompleted and did not remember its objective of warning everyone of the imminent robot attack so instead Maleus, Incus, Stapes! lurks the SDMB until it sees its former self (the ear) get blown off and realizes its too late.

[Swallowed My Cellphone]

Originally know as Whistle Killer, this murderous archvillain, stalked the streets of the seedy underbelly of the red light district. He was never seen! The few survivors of his dastardly attacks reported only "a nonchalant whistle" echoing in the darkness.

:: ...whistle...whistle... ::

In an altercation with the Avenging Carnivorousplant, Wisthekiller's was bitten, rendering him able to whistle only with a lisp.

Beware the lisp whistle of the Wisthekiller!

:: ...wisthle.... wisthle...::

[gigi]

Swallowed My Cellphone was always quite a literal thinker and unimaginative name developer, even before he...wait for it...swallowed his cellphone during an absinthe-influenced romp one evening in Budapest. The cellphone became lodged in his second stomach and remains there to this day, giving off powerful vibes and allowing SMC to foil his enemies using his abdomen to choose ringtones that intimidate and destroy.

[Swallowed My Cellphone]

Swallowed My Cellphone was always quite a literal thinker and unimaginative name developer, even before he...wait for it...swallowed his cellphone during an absinthe-influenced romp one evening in Budapest. The cellphone became lodged in his second stomach and remains there to this day, giving off powerful vibes and allowing SMC to foil his enemies using his abdomen to choose ringtones that intimidate and destroy.Hey, baby. You should see me on vibrate! ;)

[tdn]

gigi was a mild-mannered office clerk who always wanted to be a superheroine. She couldn't get any of her superpowers to work, though. She tried death rays, spidey webs, and truth lassos -- all to no avail. Then one day she accidentally locked herself in the supply closet. She banged on the door and yelled, but her calls for help went unheeded. Frustrated, she made herself a costume out of copy paper, packing tape, and mouse pads. And she found her secret weapon. Now she makes the universe safe for law-abiding Earthlings and aliens alike.

And so is the story of Bubble Wrap Girl.

[Stauderhorse]

tdn was a mousy mama's boy until the day he had a run-in with a motorcycle gang. The leader caught tdn in the act of checking out his girl, and began to beat the crap out of him. In an act of adrenaline-fueled self-defense, tdn lifted the biker clear off the ground and threw him 25 yards. Astounded at his new-found strength, he buffed up, changed his name, and became a television lifeguard known as...




David Hasselhoff (http://www.sitv.com/files/premium-uploads/sitv_latino%20sports_david%20hasselhoff522.jpg).

tdn, of course, stands for "The David, Naked", since he always posts to the SDMB in the nude.

[tdn]

I think the point of this thread is you're supposed to be posting fiction. :rolleyes:

[Pyper]

tdn was a mousy mama's boy until the day he had a run-in with a motorcycle gang. The leader caught tdn in the act of checking out his girl, and began to beat the crap out of him. In an act of adrenaline-fueled self-defense, tdn lifted the biker clear off the ground and threw him 25 yards. Astounded at his new-found strength, he buffed up, changed his name, and became a television lifeguard known as...


David Hasselhoff (http://www.sitv.com/files/premium-uploads/sitv_latino%20sports_david%20hasselhoff522.jpg).

tdn, of course, stands for "The David, Naked", since he always posts to the SDMB in the nude.

George Stauder was an underachieving stable boy working at a local horse ranch. One dark and stormy night, he was mucking out the stall of the ranch's stallion with an all-metal shovel, when he and the horse were engulfed by a freak blast of lightning. When George awoke, he found himself in the body of the stallion. Discovering the freedom, swiftness, and muscular body he had always wanted, he dedicated himself to fighting crime under the name Stauderhorse!

Meanwhile, the horse in the human body was not able to do much more than chew hay and try to mount the local mares. Eventually, his family had him committed to a mental institution.

[Rich Mann]

Racked with guilt over what he had done to the children of Hamelin, The Pyed Pyper tore off and burned his harlequin costume and donned spandex and a cape. Now he uses his hypnotic fluting to fight evil.

He also brings joy to girls and boys all around the world in his alter ego--Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull!

[Malacandra]

Once he was as poor a man as the rest of us. Then, when he was down to his last nickel, inspiration struck and he picked exactly the right penny share to invest in. A day later he had doubled his money. A day later he had doubled it again. By the end of the month he was a millionnaire and everything he touched was (figuratively speaking) turning to gold. Desperation and destitution had unlocked his mutant "Money Gene"! He no longer bothers to count his billions, even as a way of keeping score, and he doesn't fight crime in person - instead he bankrolls heroes, for he is Rich Mann!

[Olentzero]

Deep in the jungles of the remotest reaches of the Amazon, the tribes who have so far successfully kept themselves cut off from the modern world have been at work. Drawing on ageless millennia of shamanistic ritual knowledge, they summon the spirits of the rainforest to bring forth a protector born of the living earth. Drawing its power from the energy of nature's very lifeforce, it strikes all those who would despoil for private gain and profit.

Sit at any campfire where the loggers take their meals after a hard day's work, and listen to their stories of strange accidents and unforeseen complications. You will hear them whisper, reverently and fearfully, the name of the spirit who seeks to drive them away...

the Malacandra.

[Elendil's Heir]

Olent, a supremely skilled warrior, diplomat and haberdasher, was the original template for the Warlord Z'geki's mighty army of clone warriors in a remote section of the Galaxy. In time the implacable forces of the Galactic Republic pushed back Z'geki's legions, all the way back to his dark throneworld, and were mere hours away from a stunning victory. The tyrannical despot fled in his royal starship, taking only Olent with him as bodyguard and bridge partner as he soared beyond the reach of the Republic.

The pair ran out of food just over halfway to their destination, a miserable backwater planet that the Republic would never think to search, and Olent was compelled to eat his former master. Now established deep undercover on "Earth," Olent bides his time until the local cloning technology is sufficient for his needs. As the once and future template of a vast and implacable army, Olent has chosen the username... Olentzero.

[Wargamer]

Ripped from Middle Earth by a surge in the Space Time continuum, Elendil's Heir now uses his Sword and Magic Helmet to fight crime in the Greater Quad Cities region.

[ITR champion]

Wargamer, amazingly enough, was once a mild-mannered computer programmer hired by the Pentagon to produce ... war games. One day he was working on a simulation designed to test army recruits in the toughest possible circumstances. At 5:45 PM he was finished and had just downloaded the software into the simulator. At precisely that moment, a squad of nuclear-armed mutant terrorists descended on the Pentagon, utterly destroying the building and killing everyone inside. As he lay in the computer room with portions of his brain scattered across the floor, his dying consciousness realized that his only hope was to connect his spinal column to the computer running the simulation, at which point he became Wargamer.

[kunilou]

A mild-mannered math and science teacher was accidentally imapled by a CAT-6 Ethernet cable. With a brain hyperfull of knowledge from teh Intrawebs the gifted teacher became a top-secret agent for the National Science Foundation's Information Technology Research for National Priorities programs. The now code-named ITR champion lives a dual life -- educating students by day while making America safe for interdisciplinary research and education projects by night.

[Jolly Roger]

An inconcievable accident involving Jiffy Pop Popcorn and a microwave put Kinilou in a coma. Awakening 3000 thousands years later from his corn/microwave induced suspended animation, Kunilou now faces a world ruled by animal men, giant insects and petty tyrants. Uncovering a fabulous sword he has nicknamed "Excalibur" Kunilous now fights for justice in a war torn and strange world. He (or she) is Kuniou the Barbarian!

[Elendil's Heir]

Roger was once the most dour of men, a veritable human raincloud, yea, verily, the most gloomy of all God's creatures, but upon reading this thread his usually-sullen demeanor was split by an uncharacteristic smile, and he swore an undying oath to always remain cheery, and to bring joy and happiness to those around him. He was thereafter, and forevermore always will be, known as Jolly Roger.

[MadTheSwine]

A former champin scrable player,Elendils Heir,while taking a shower at the YMCA,mistakenly grabed a bottle of radioactive waist instead of of shanpoo,giving him heir of great power.He no longer plays scrable.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

A former champin scrable player,Elendils Heir,while taking a shower at the YMCA,mistakenly grabed a bottle of radioactive waist instead of of shanpoo,giving him heir of great power.He no longer plays scrable.Radsioactive "waist"?

Doesn't that just make you...fat?

And glow-in-the-dark, of course.

[Malacandra]

Radsioactive? Doesn't that just turn you into Gaudere Man? :p

[MadTheSwine]

Radsioactive "waist"?

Doesn't that just make you...fat?

And glow-in-the-dark, of course.
My spelling errors were intentional.