Stupid Jerk

[Irishman]

So I am at lunch at a sandwich shop, talking with coworkers. I'm about 5 ft away from the soda machine, back to it. Suddenly some stupid ass dipshit fumbles his soda, and the whole cup spills out on the floor right next to me. Of course it splashes up on me, so I have a couple damp spots on my back. What kind of a jerk can't keep ahold of his cup like that? Moron.


So how is my day going? I am the moron who dropped his cup. I'm sorry. I feel so bad.

[tdn]

Welcome to Clumsy Week. I have seen more dipshit moves this week, both by people in cars and people afoot. Just massively dumb stuff. Last night I was trying to get on a train and the guy behind me just assumed I was in motion when I wasn't, and walked right into me.

I blame the weather.

[Black Sunshine]

Dude - that happened to me this weekend, only it was a guy with a beer. I had sandals on, so my toes got all beer-y.

[MeanOldLady]

Ah, the luck of the Irish. Were you drunk?

[Rand Rover]

I didn't think there were soda jerks around anymore, but I stand corrected. *rimshot*

Here all week, try the veal, etc etc.

[Locrian]

I knocked over two drinks at the bar this weekend, within ten minutes, without taking one sip of MY drink. I decided to move to the corner and text my friends instead. :rolleyes:

[Wheelz]

As a clumsy oaf who drops shit all the time, I feel your shame.
Here's hoping the victim of your spill didn't get too upset.

[Freudian Slit]

I do that all the time. I knocked honey mustard onto my friend's old-new (well, not really new but newly acquired) couch last weekend. Felt uber bad.

[Anaamika]

Holy crap, it has been clumsy week for me, too. Let me tell you my tales so you don't feel so bad.

1. Over the weekend. I'm working in my garden. My garden is enclosed, with chicken wire and a wood frame. It's got a partially liftable roof. I'm sitting in the garden, on the little garden cart I have, when I get a leg cramp. It hurts like a mother, so I fly up to relieve it - smacking my poor head really hard on one of the wooden slats. It hurt hard enough to make me cry.
2. I also got a new desk this weekend. The SO took the old desk apart and left the boards in the living room. Granted, he should not have done this, but I knew they were there. I still tripped over them, and fell - onto my knees, which wasn't bad, I just bruised my knee.
3. Did I learn my lesson? Oh, no. I left them there and later that same day I tripped over them again. This time I didn't fall, just gave myself a nice blood blister on one toe. This time I moved them.

In my defence, it was dark for both of the latter incidents. Still, considering it all happened this weekend, I've got bruises. :(

[Zsofia]

Last week I accidentally slammed my elbow into a little kid's eye socket. Almost knocked her down. I had my leg in a cast, though, so people felt sorry for me.

[Jimmy Joe Meager]

Last week I accidentally slammed my elbow into a little kid's eye socket.Not as current, but...

When I was in about 4th grade or so, a buch of us boys were roughhousing in the halls. I felt a hand come down from behind onto my shoulder, so I threw my elbow back there. Felt it connect, heard an "OOFFFF!!", and saw the other boys' jaws drop and eyes widen. I turned to see...

The librarian, bent over double. I elbowed her right in the gut.

(She was OK.)

[Irishman]

MeanOldLady said:
Ah, the luck of the Irish. Were you drunk?

Nope. Might have slightly been affected by trying to hold too many items at once. Had a folder under one arm, trying to brace my food tray and shift the full cup from the fountain to the tray so I could put the lid on (because, as I said, I had a folder under the other arm and couldn't put the lid on before I moved it). Bumped the cup against the napkin holder and it slipped out of may hand as it tipped over.

Wheelz said:
Here's hoping the victim of your spill didn't get too upset.

He seemed okay. Didn't yell or anything. Just had a couple small spots. And I definitely apologized. But I still feel bad. At least the employee came over quick with a mop to clean the floor.

[TheMadHun]

Last week I tried to balance a plate of spaghetti on my knee. My office has a semi-shag carpet. Bam.

[MoodIndigo1]

Clumsy week for me too, so don't feel bed.

I was carrying a watering can to water some hanging plans and I SAW that a stool had been moved. I carefully stepped around it (in my mind); in reality, I tripped on it, hung on to the stupid watering can instead of dropping it, fell and scraped my face and elbow against a brick wall. More than a scrape, since it was bleeding and it kept bleeding for two days.

For a while, I'll be telling people about this so that they don't think my guy has taken to slapping me around.

[movingfinger]

I was visiting clients once and they offered me a beer. As we sat around the kitchen table I knocked the half-empty can over. laughter all around. Clumsy me!

A week later I was there again and again they gave me a beer. We laughed about what happened last time, and soon thereafter I knocked over this beer, too. The laughter was a bit more restrained.

A week or so later I was there again, and this time they offered me a glass of ice water.

No, I did not knock it over.

[dwyr]

Could be worse.

I knocked over an open stool specimen (as in human poo) at work tonight. Luckily the only person it affected was me.

Took a while to decontaminate after that one. Lab work is fun.

[BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed]

On a crowded commuter bus a few years ago, someone ran to try to catch it as the doors were closing. The woman managed to get one hand in the door-- the one holding her coffee cup. Which promptly exploded over everyone near the door.

[Teacake]

Last week I accidentally slammed my elbow into a little kid's eye socket. Almost knocked her down. I had my leg in a cast, though, so people felt sorry for me.

I think there's something wrong with me. I cannot stop laughing at this.

Last week my partner had bought onions and hadn't put them away. Our kitchen is small, so when I saw what I thought was an empty bag on the counter, I picked it up as if it was empty to throw it away. Of course the onions went flying, accompanied by a (genuinely fearful-sounding, apparently) cry of "AAAUUGH! ONIONS!" One of the onions hit me in the left nipple, the other fell on my toe. All of this increased the hilarity for my partner, who has now taken to sneaking out of the kitchen with onions, creeping up behind me and then dropping them in my lap, shouting, "AAUUGH! ONIONS!". Oh ha ha.

[Angel of Doubt]

For me, Captain Klutz usually visits before Aunt Flo does, which I've heard other women say.

[Freudian Slit]

For me, Captain Klutz usually visits before Aunt Flo does, which I've heard other women say.

Me too. I'm not sure why, or if it's just confirmation bias, but I do often feel very clumsy before that time of the month.

[Capcha]

Of course it's when i'm pressed for time in the morning; trying to be quiet while my housemate sleeps: end up banging into things that make a lot of noise (poor neighbors too), drop shit (like food) all over the floor-having to clean it up right there and then.
I never knew that a plastic container of yogurt, sealed and top cover firmly in place, can explode as it hits the floor juuuust at the right angle.
Did i mention i take public commute to work?

[Rascal's Mom]

Last weekend I moved from my long-time home to a smaller place in Madison. One night last week I went to the new place to wipe down surfaces. Cleaning the inside of the fridge stood up and bonked my head - HARD - on the freezer door that I didn't realize was open. Last Friday night got up to go to the bathroom, tripped over something and fell, hitting my head on the corner of my dresser, drawing blood. Went to feed my dog across my dining room taking a shortcut where my dining room table used to reside, bonked my head on the chandelier. Picked up the dog's dish, turned around and returning on the same path bonked it again! Last night carrying an end table out to the garage, smashed a finger between the table and the door jamb and drew major blood.

I ache.

[Zakalwe]

Last week my partner had bought onions and hadn't put them away. Our kitchen is small, so when I saw what I thought was an empty bag on the counter, I picked it up as if it was empty to throw it away. Of course the onions went flying, accompanied by a (genuinely fearful-sounding, apparently) cry of "AAAUUGH! ONIONS!" One of the onions hit me in the left nipple, the other fell on my toe. All of this increased the hilarity for my partner, who has now taken to sneaking out of the kitchen with onions, creeping up behind me and then dropping them in my lap, shouting, "AAUUGH! ONIONS!". Oh ha ha.And I can't stop laughing at this. I think your partner and I would get along well.

[twickster]

On a crowded commuter bus a few years ago, someone ran to try to catch it as the doors were closing. The woman managed to get one hand in the door-- the one holding her coffee cup. Which promptly exploded over everyone near the door.

If we're tracking which of these stories are cracking people up -- one vote for this one.

[SiXSwordS]

I was at a picnic where the food was placed buffet style on a line of picnic tables. I was at the condiment end putting steak sauce on my plate and I shook the bottle before I poured. As I went to take the top off the bottle I realized the cap was gone. I looked around for a bit and then looked behind me.

Yep, the top wasn't screwed on and when I shook the bottle a huge glob of steak sauce went over my shoulder and all over the woman behind me. Before I could say sorry, I busted out laughing.

Luckily for me she had a sense of humor.