How Does That Old Joke About Canada Go?

[HeyHomie]

Something like:

Canada could have wound up with French culture, British know-how, and American food. Instead they wound up with French knkow-how, American culture and British food.

Or something like that.

Anyone know the actual joke?

[Beware of Doug]

"Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm." -JFK

"In heaven the British are the police, the French are the cooks and the Germans are the engineers. In hell the Germans are the police, the British are the cooks and the French are the engineers." -unattributed

[tomndebb]

One version (http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090530164812AASbHCx):
Canada could have enjoyed English government, French culture and American know-how. Instead, it would up with English know-how, French government, and American culture.

[Indistinguishable]

I always heard that it could've been French cuisine, American technology, and British culture, but ended up British cuisine, French technology, and American culture. This, to me, makes a lot more sense than the version in the OP (for example, it's French cuisine that's stereotypically looked upon prestigiously, not American food, and it's British cuisine that's stereotypically looked down upon, and so on, a la post #2). But I'm sure there are a million variants.

[Bartman]

"In heaven the British are the police, the French are the cooks and the Germans are the engineers. In hell the Germans are the police, the British are the cooks and the French are the engineers." -unattributed

I'm familiar with a longer version:
"Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the engineers are German, the administrators are Swiss and the lovers are Italian. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the engineers are Italian, the administrators are French and the lovers are Swiss."

[kasuo]

Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the engineers are Italian, the administrators are French and the lovers are Swiss."

What's the stereotype about Swiss lovers? Or Italian engineers?

I assume the stereotype about German police is that they are brutal, something like the Gestapo, and the bit about British cooks as making terrible-tasting food.

[Colibri]

What's the stereotype about Swiss lovers? Or Italian engineers?

Stereotypically, the Swiss are not noted for warmth of feeling, nor the Italians for technological capability (or, with one exception, making trains run on time).

[Mighty_Girl]

Italian design is very well regarded. But mostly for aesthetic reasons though.

Italian engineers = tower of Pisa.

[corkboard]

Oh- that joke. I thought you meant this one:

The settlers were sitting around trying to decide what to name the country. They decided they'd put a bunch of letters in a hat and pull them out, and make the letters into a word and that would be the name.

So the guy pulls out letters and reads them off:

"C, eh."
"N, eh."
"D, eh."

Canada.

[Philster]

Italian design is very well regarded. But mostly for aesthetic reasons though.

Italian engineers = tower of Pisa.

:rolleyes:

Wow. Guess all that other stuff doesn't matter much.

[Ferret Herder]

Italian engineers = tower of Pisa.
And, to hear Tom and Ray of Car Talk and others talk about it, the Fiat.

[Beware of Doug]

My favorite Italian-engineering stories involve aviation:

Caproni Ca 60 Transaereo (http://www.flightglobal.com/blogs/aircraft-pictures/CaproniCa_60large.jpg) - A heroically stupid project of 1920 consisting of a huge, windowed, floating gallery with 3 sets of triplane wings and 8 engines. The Ca 60 probably spent less time in the wind tunnel than Leonardo's pogo-stick-copter. It got about 30 feet in the air and broke in half. Tadaaaaa!

Savoia-Marchetti SM 73 (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/e7/SM_S.73.jpg) - A good enough design to serve as both a transport and bomber airframe in the '30s, it was fast, sleek, and dramatically styled. The one drawback was that, occasionally, the wings fell off in midair. Oops...

[Mighty_Girl]

:rolleyes:

Wow. Guess all that other stuff doesn't matter much.Did you read the rest of the thread? And the question I answered? It's about stereotype, not reality. Perhaps you should not be so hasty and reply to somebody without reading for context.

[Troy McClure SF]

:rolleyes:

Wow. Guess all that other stuff doesn't matter much.

Wow. I guess all the other nationalities and cultures slighted in this thread don't matter much, either. Hmpf.

[/sarcam]

[Nametag]

In the version I'm familiar with, the engineers in Hell are French, and the administrators are Italian (actually, "it's run by the Italians").

My contribution:"AmTrak combines the economy and convenience of air travel with the speed and comfort of an intercity bus."

[Ludovic]

"Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm." -JFK

Ironically, that's true these days. But nowadays that's a good thing in my opinion (if by "North" you mean "the Northeast states".) The South seems to be at least more productive dollar for dollar because of the relatively low wages, taxes, and regulations, whereas everything in the Northeast is so old that it outcharms most of the South.

Now certainly it only seems like they achieve Southern Efficiency because of all the taxes they pour into everything to make it work smoothly, but you can't deny that in its copious museums and old monuments, it's much more like a classic Northeast metropolis.

[LonesomePolecat]

Something like:

Canada could have wound up with French culture, British know-how, and American food. Instead they wound up with French knkow-how, American culture and British food.

Or something like that.

Anyone know the actual joke?
Ah, the Canadians! They could have had French culture, American know-how and British government. Instead they got French government, American culture and British know-how.

[LonesomePolecat]

And there's the old curse: "May you get a British cook, a French mechanic and an American wife."

[Maus Magill]

I'm familiar with a longer version:
"Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the engineers are German, the administrators are Swiss and the lovers are Italian. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the engineers are Italian, the administrators are French and the lovers are Swiss."

I'd always liked:
In Heaven, the police are British, the cars are German, the cooks are French, and the women are Italian.
In Hell, the police are German, the cars are French, the cooks are British, and the women are Italian.

[ragerdude]

I'd always liked:
In Heaven, the police are British, the cars are German, the cooks are French, and the women are Italian.
In Hell, the police are German, the cars are French, the cooks are British, and the women are Italian.

Please explain why the women are Italian in both circumstances.

[Maus Magill]

Please explain why the women are Italian in both circumstances.

You've obviously never been married to a nice Italian girl.


I should note that Mrs. Magill is Italian

[Philster]

All people from all countries and backgrounds are just equally awesome! Yay people!

Note on the stereotypes: I'm not seeing some of the stereotypes as crystal clear, which leads to confusion about whether one is kidding or not. That is why jokes of such a nature are inherently dangerous.

I think jokes about Italian contractors/mafia and the Italian army in the early 1940's are obvious and clear -- often funny.

I also 'get' many other jokes, saying, perceptions about many people and stereotypes that stick.

[Spiff]

Please explain why the women are Italian in both circumstances.Because while they are beautiful, they are also quite mad.

(Don't shoot the messenger ... I'm just guessing the intent of the original joke writer.)

[JFLuvly]

Just remember while you're shitting on Canada that if this was prison America would be our bitch.....we're bigger and we're on top!!!!

[tdn]

I'd always liked:
In Heaven, the police are British, the cars are German, the cooks are French, and the women are Italian.
In Hell, the police are German, the cars are French, the cooks are British, and the women are Italian.

Perfect!

In heaven, the English greet you at the door, the French cook all the food, the Germans organize everything, and the Italians provide all the entertainment.

In heaven, the French greet you at the door, the English cook all the food, the Italians organize everything, and the Germans provide all the entertainment.

[Philster]

Just remember while you're shitting on Canada that if this was prison America would be our bitch.....we're bigger and we're on top!!!!

IF

[JFLuvly]

lol

[Drunky Smurf]

Just remember while you're shitting on Canada that if this was prison America would be our bitch.....we're bigger and we're on top!!!!

But if we're shitting on Canada wouldn't that mean we are on top?

Perfect!

In heaven, the English greet you at the door, the French cook all the food, the Germans organize everything, and the Italians provide all the entertainment.

In heaven, the French greet you at the door, the English cook all the food, the Italians organize everything, and the Germans provide all the entertainment.

I'll take heaven #1 please.

[wolfstu]

I've heard this one about the European Union. Usually 'Belgian government' features in the 'unfortunate reality' case.

[kirk1168]

Paraphrased from a Canadian stand-up comic whose name escapes me:
Did you know that the US invaded Canada once? [War of 1812, BTW]
After three days they were so drunk and bored that they just went home...

[cher3]

Hasn't pretty much everyone ended up with American culture?

[Serenata67]

Just remember while you're shitting on Canada that if this was prison America would be our bitch.....we're bigger and we're on top!!!!

I read that to my fiancee... his response was HELL YEAH! (His friend is Canadian and he wishes he were, too.)

[T. Slothrop]

I'd always liked:
In Heaven, the police are British, the cars are German, the cooks are French, and the women are Italian.
In Hell, the police are German, the cars are French, the cooks are British, and the women are Italian.

Having been married to an Italian-American woman, I have to agree with this one.

[Maus Magill]

Having been married to an Italian-American woman, I have to agree with this one.

Let me guess, she's the most wonderful woman in the world... as long as you don't piss her off.

[Malleus, Incus, Stapes!]

IF

Sparta wishes to congratulate you on your wit. (http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?term=laconic)

[MadTheSwine]

Just remember while you're shitting on Canada that if this was prison America would be our bitch.....we're bigger and we're on top!!!!
Canada,The Maple Leaf State.

[Bryan Ekers]

Getting back to the OP, sort-of, the version I heard was that the ideal NATO army would consist of British officers, German sergeants, Canadian troops and American equipment.

[polish]

Getting back to the OP, sort-of, the version I heard was that the ideal NATO army would consist of British officers, German sergeants, Canadian troops and American equipment.

and polish soldiers..

[John DiFool]

I'm familiar with a longer version:
"Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the engineers are German, the administrators are Swiss and the lovers are Italian. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the engineers are Italian, the administrators are French and the lovers are Swiss."

While reading the second part of this, I spontaneously started reciting an internal dialogue to myself:

"Hey Percy, where does this sauce go?"

"Hey Vito, where does this gear go?"

"Hey Jacques, where does this paperwork go?"

When I got to the Swiss, it naturally became:

"Hey Adrian, where does this thingie go?" :p

[Sampiro]

My favorite joke about Canadian identity is the 1970s radio show (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_Country_in_the_Morning) that hosted a contest to fill in the blank:

"As Canadian as ______."

The U.S. could fill in an "American as ____" with "apple pie", "baseball", "Hollywood", etc.. Catholics of course could say "Pope" or "Mother Teresa", the English with "the Queen" or "Big Ben", but what truly says "Canadian" to the outside world.

The winning entry was from a 17 year old student from British Columbia named Heather Scott, who answered

As Canadian as
possible... under the circumstances.

[dhkendall]

My favourite Canadian joke comes from Dave Broadfoot:

In America, their celebrities have to wear sunglasses

In Canada, our celebrities have to wear nametags!

[jz78817]

My favourite Canadian joke comes from Dave Broadfoot:

In America, their celebrities have to wear sunglasses

In Canada, our celebrities have to wear nametags!

Oh come on, after years of Hockey Night in Canada, at least those of us in Detroit are aware of Knowlton Nash.

[Ludovic]

Getting back to the OP, sort-of, the version I heard was that the ideal NATO army would consist of British officers, German sergeants, Canadian troops and American equipment.

and polish soldiers..These (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grande_Arm%C3%A9e#Lancers_.28Lanciers.29) foreign (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polish_Air_Force_in_Great_Britain) forces would be that much more terrifying if they were Polish zombies!

[Simplicio]

How do you get 100 Canadian out of the pool on a hot day?

Say: "Hey, Canadians, get out of the pool"

[Slithy Tove]

These (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grande_Arm%C3%A9e#Lancers_.28Lanciers.29) foreign (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polish_Air_Force_in_Great_Britain) forces would be that much more terrifying if they were Polish zombies!

That wouldn't be an impossibility: Napoleon sent his Polish Legion (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polish_Legions_(Napoleonic_period)) to supress the Haitian Revolution. (http://adiama.com/ancestralconnections/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/haitianrevzz.jpg) If some of them were bitten by zombies...


...how could you tell the difference? (D&R's)

[ralph124c]

Canada is..sorta..there. I mean, it's kinda like the USA, kinda...but just not the same. Its sorta of "America's vestibule".

[Gatopescado]

Just remember while you're shitting on Canada that if this was prison America would be our bitch.....we're bigger and we're on top!!!!

Thats fine.

Now get over here and suck your bitch's dick!

[Cat Whisperer]

How do you get 100 Canadian out of the pool on a hot day?

Say: "Hey, Canadians, get out of the pool"
Hee hee - it's funny because it's true. We're law-abiding, and proud of it!

[gaffa]

How do you get 100 Canadian out of the pool on a hot day?

Say: "Hey, Canadians, get out of the pool"
Hee hee - it's funny because it's true. We're law-abiding, and proud of it!

"Canada - America's Ned Flanders!"

[Cat Whisperer]

You're darn-diddly tootin'! :D

[Spoons]

"Canada - America's Ned Flanders!""Okil-eh? Dokil-eh?"

:D

[Little Nemo]

Getting back to the OP, sort-of, the version I heard was that the ideal NATO army would consist of British officers, German sergeants, Canadian troops and American equipment.That seems a little off. The stereotype of the British army is "lions led by lambs" ie brave enlisted men and professional NCO's with ineffective upper-class officers. And the German stereotype is they've got all those great Field Marshals and such. So shouldn't the ideal army have German officers and British NCO's?

[Magiver]

I once heard Canada described as 2 weeks of bad skiing.

[palindromemordnilap]

I like it here, eh, in Canada
Plenty of beer, eh, in Canada
Rivers are clear, eh, in Canada
Don'tcha dare sneer, eh, at Canada

[Cat Whisperer]

I once heard Canada described as 2 weeks of bad skiing.
Do you mean the Canadian summer is two weeks of bad skiing? Cause that makes more sense. :)

[bump]

The stereotype of the British army is "lions led by lambs" ie brave enlisted men and professional NCO's with ineffective upper-class officers. And the German stereotype is they've got all those great Field Marshals and such. So shouldn't the ideal army have German officers and British NCO's?

I'd always heard that in WWII at least, German officers were generally the best ones around, and that British and American NCOs were(and are) considered excellent.

[Magiver]

I once heard Canada described as 2 weeks of bad skiing.
Do you mean the Canadian summer is two weeks of bad skiing? Cause that makes more sense. :) Yes.

[movingfinger]

Why do most Canadians prefer sex in the doggie position?

That way they can both watch Hockey Night in Canada!

[Drain Bead]

Damn, I was coming in here to post the pool joke, only in my punchline you say please.

[Rocketeer]

[QUOTE=Bryan Ekers;11373535]The stereotype of the British army is "lions led by lambs" ie brave enlisted men and professional NCO's with ineffective upper-class officers. And the German stereotype is they've got all those great Field Marshals and such. So shouldn't the ideal army have German officers and British NCO's?

Actually, it's "lions led by donkeys".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lions_led_by_donkeys

Not that it matters much to your argument--you'd still want to avoid British officers. ;)