I need real relationship advice [Archive] - Straight Dope Message Board

Quasimodal

08-25-2009, 05:52 PM

Wow, I'm in a real interesting situation. I've finally relaxed enough to have girls take notice and like me, and this summer I met a wonderful great girl. We are infatuated with each other. of course there is only one problem...she has a boyfriend right now.

Of course there has to be a catch right?

Now we've made out, and talked alot. She's very aware of the situation and she doesn't like it anymore than I do. From what I gather she really wants to dump her current boyfriend as she hasn't really liked him for a long while. They have been together for five years. They are not common law. Whats making things really hard too is that we live in two different citys (not far) but her current problem is that she is financially dependent on her current relationship. I have indicated to her that without knowing her better I can't financially help her, even though we are an AMAZING match. I have a good sense of people and I really don't think she is trying to manipulate me. She acknowledges that I am in a bad spot and she also is unsure of whether or not to keep going.

So now the question is what do I do? I'm going to see her a few more times so we can feel out if this thing can work. But she is in such a trap financially. I know relationships will always have wrinkles. Any advice for me? I can't stop thinking about her.

I guess I am usually mature to the extent that I don't give things a chance, this time I want to give it a chance.

Eliahna

08-25-2009, 05:56 PM

Wonderful girls don't fool around with other guys while living off their boyfriends.

Oakminster

08-25-2009, 05:58 PM

She's fucking you while living off some other dude. Why do you want to become the guy payng the bills while she fucks someone else?

MsWhatsit

08-25-2009, 06:00 PM

If she really wanted to be with you, she'd dump the other dude and find some way to make the money stuff work. What she is telling you is that her money issues are more important than you are. This is unlikely to change at any point in the future.

cerberus

08-25-2009, 06:03 PM

Skank

Unless you've got some sort of reality altering trick, she'll likely treat you as poorly as the current BF.

glee

08-25-2009, 06:03 PM

I'm sorry, but from everything you say you are thinking with your groin, not your brain.

Consider this girl's behaviour.

She's in a relationship, but is making out with you.
She's told you she needs money. You've told her in reply you haven't got much money. She then says she's not sure if she wants to be with you.

What do you think would happen if you did have money?

How can you be sure she isn't trying to manipulate you when you don't have a lot of relationship experience?

Harriet the Spry

08-25-2009, 06:05 PM

You sound old enough to date women, not girls. And she has already done 2 things to demonstrate she's not grown up - failed to support herself financially and gotten involved with you before breaking up with her boyfriend. I'm glad things are looking up for you, but hold out for an adult - chronological age notwithstanding.

salinqmind

08-25-2009, 06:06 PM

Oh dear. She says YOU are in a bad spot? Yes, but she's in a worse one! With the other guy five years, financially dependent on him, living in another city - sorry, I can't see it ending well. It's up to her to break off her old relationship and become financially independent before embarking on any new relationship, it's not fair to you.

Cat Whisperer

08-25-2009, 06:19 PM

A "wrinkle" in a relationship is he leaves the cap off the toothpaste and it drives her crazy; what you have here is a big, massive, red-flagged ALERT! ALERT! in your relationship. This girl, for all her good qualities, is cheating on the guy who is supporting her, and is being supported by the guy she's cheating on instead of supporting herself. Honestly, you can do better than this.

What you need to do, and you need to do it right away, is tell her that you can't see her until she ends her current relationship. Her response to this will tell you all you need to know about her and your future with her.

Sleeps With Butterflies

08-25-2009, 06:25 PM

I guess I am usually mature to the extent that I don't give things a chance, this time I want to give it a chance.

Why? Like others have mentioned, good people don't use other people for their own financial reward. She's a leech and not even a loyal one.

Oh I know what you're thinking, you're thinking "But what we have is special and that's why she's cheating on him with me!" Eh, I doubt it. And even if you're right, what are you winning? You're getting a girl who thinks so little of people that she'll stay with them just to take what she can from them. Gosh, what a prize!

Telcontar

08-25-2009, 06:26 PM

Ditto everything the above just said.
1.) The girl comes off terribly for cheating on her current boyfriend. This should make you seriously concerned that you'll be treated the same way.
2.) So long as she's with the other guy, you can't develop a real relationship.
3.) So long as she's all the way over there, you can't develop a real relationship.

If you decide you don't have moral issues about her cheating on her current, then by all means do your business for awhile, but:
1.) Don't give her any money for any reason.
2.) Don't let her move in with you.
3.) Don't get your hopes up until she's ditched her current and is on her own.

StaudtCJ

08-25-2009, 06:44 PM

Run. Run fast, run hard, and don't let this person any further into your life.

Count Blucher

08-25-2009, 07:11 PM

Run. Run fast, run hard, and don't let this person any further into your life.

Ditto.

A very good friend was head-over-heels for a girl who was dating and 'being kept' (with all that it implies) by another guy. A guy who happened to also her boss.
My friend was a great person; he had the stereotypical wash-board abs, had a face like a jack in a deck of playing cards and was MVP on our league softball team for 4 straight years. Girls hit on him in the corner bar after games. Some of the girls admitted to me they thought he was 'a hottie', but he was stuck on this one 'kept' princess.

Five years pass, and its the same drama re-run he's whining to me about week after week: he loves only her, the sex is box-spring shattering, but the other guy can fly her off to the Caribbean 4 times a year, keep her in a Lexus, pay her rent in a luxury apartment, and is her boss. Week after week I tell him to stop wasting his time on her, to cut-bait & move on. That if she loved him, she'd leave her sugar-daddy for him and make it work. He didn't listen.

In year six, she married Daddy Whorebucks. My friend didn't/wouldn't/couldn't go to the wedding. But he did quit his job a few months later and move to the opposite coast.

I miss my friend. I just hope he found a better class of girl out there somewhere.

Tenebras

08-25-2009, 07:33 PM

Well, if nobody else is going to do it.

[rolls up sleeves]

I think you should totally go for it. She sounds like a wonderful person and I'm sure that the two of you will have a beautiful life together. The best thing to do right now is quit your job and move to that other city. Like you say, it's not that far away so you should be able to move with U-Haul for $200 or so.* Once you're relocated she can dump her loser boyfriend and life will be sweetness and light between you two.

As for a new job, you hear every say on the news that the economy is doing terribly and pretty much every industry is shedding jobs. I say, look on the bright side. Now all those industries have vacant positions, just waiting for you to fill them.** I'm sure you'll find a new job in nearby town, lickety split.

Speaking of lickety split, I should warn you that once you become the actual-boyfriend instead of the other-man-boyfriend things are going to cool off in the sack. You won't be forbidden fruit any longer. You'll be regular old fruit. But regular fruit is still sweet, just as long as you go in with your eyes open.

I can't think of a single reason you shouldn't run off with broke, cheating sponge*** girl. If you try hard enough, either will you.

* Buy your boxes at Home Depot, they're way cheaper there!
** Makes sense, they just fired a bunch of people, right?
*** 91% effective with optimal use!

salinqmind

08-25-2009, 08:33 PM

I'm just wondering what kind of advice the OP thought he would get here.

In my long and checkered romantic career, I have fallen for a) a married man, b) a gay man, c) a drug addict, and d) a gay drug addict. All four of these relationships were painful and of course doomed. Doesn't mean I don't think of them in a bittersweet fond way, but really - when something is not going to work out, 'giving it a chance' is a waste of time.

black rabbit

08-25-2009, 10:53 PM

I say this only because, from my recollection of some of your previous dating threads, you really, really need to get laid:

Bone her, then stop taking her calls.

Shakes

08-26-2009, 12:26 AM

Quasi, How can you be a member of this board for as long as you have and NOT know this is a very bad idea?

Seriously, I'm not trying to be mean, I just hate to see you torture yourself like this.

I'm with black rabbit, bone her than leave her.

Nava

08-26-2009, 05:45 AM

So, instead of "don't stick it in The Crazy," this case is "stick it in the Grabby, then drop her"?

Make sure to get tested for STDs after.

ScareyFaerie

08-26-2009, 05:51 AM

She says you're the one in a bad spot? Just what planet is she living on?

She's the one who is living with someone and being effectively kept by them, then cheating on them with you (someone at a conveniently safe distance that she has a reasonable chance of not getting caught). Say she dumps the current guy and you pair get together? How long before she does exactly the same thing, except this time you're the guy keeping her?

I'm sorry, but this realationship looks pretty doomed to me. You need to run away before it's too late and you do something monumentally stupid.

jjimm

08-26-2009, 06:06 AM

If she really wanted to be with you, she'd dump the other dude...This. And: How long before she does exactly the same thing, except this time you're the guy keeping her?this.

I recently got rid of a girl from my life for similar reasons. I gave her a "choose him or me" ultimatum; she chose his loser ass and I ended up glad, because the worst outcome would have been had she chosen me and then had me wondering who else she'd be fooling around with if it wasn't me...

I have subsequently started things with another girl who did dump the other dude for me. There's no comparison between the two.

lobotomyboy63

08-26-2009, 06:30 AM

I've finally relaxed enough to have girls take notice and like me, and this summer I met a wonderful great girl. We are infatuated with each other. of course there is only one problem...she has a boyfriend right now.

Speaking as a single male who's looking, I don't give situations like these full credit. I mean, if I meet a single woman and she seems interested, and that's a full feather in my cap, then this is half a feather. It could be that given her current dissatisfaction you look pretty good...you're polite, nice, intelligent, and/or other things she isn't getting from her current relationship. It could be that is all...or it could be that there is more to it and her involvement with someone else has no bearing on how attracted she is to you.

You hit on the magic word: infatuation. Such is the stage everyone goes through when a relationship is forming. Sometimes it burns off and you can't figure WTF you saw in this person. Sometimes it burns off but there's more there worth exploring.

I'm going to nitpick here. I'll agree with other dopers that this isn't a smart bet. However, though it's rare, I suspect people do manage to make it work. Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn come to mind. For you to pursue may be like betting the rent money on a roulette wheel. You might win and look really smart to the rest of us. But you better be ready to lose.

A friend of mine, who is a businessman, had an unhappily married woman coming on to him. He was prepared to go for it. His attitude was that it's like a hostile takeover or something. If the SO treated her right, he reasoned, she wouldn't be susceptible to the charms of other men.

I wonder what other dopers would do if they decided to go for it. There are lots of posters who enjoy debating the hypothetical.

Telperien

08-26-2009, 02:27 PM

Carl Corey

08-26-2009, 03:56 PM

Here's my "real relationship advice." Find a real relationship. Do you really want to be the one she cheats on next? And no, don't "bone" her, as other posters have so charmingly put it. You've already gone far enough with this girl as it is, and having sex with her is probably only going to make you more infatuated, unless she's really bad in bed.

No, don't have sex with her because:

1. More drama.

2. Possible STD (are you the only guy she's fooling around with?)

3. Possible pregnancy. (Which would be VERY BAD for you.)

Trust me, get the hell as far away from her as you possibly can. No good will come of this.

Geek Mecha

08-26-2009, 04:29 PM

Three months ago, I had a live-in, long-term boyfriend, though our relationship was strained by my long work hours and his general do-nothingness. A co-worker and I started hitting it off, and before I knew it, we were sending steamy emails and wishing things were different in our lives so that we might indulge in this thing we'd started. I too told him that our chemistry was putting him in a bad spot, and if he wanted to stop, we could, and I'd completely understand.

Today, I no longer have the boyfriend-- I broke up with him and he moved back home. Co-worker and I are casually dating now. We're pretty happy with the way things turned out.

There are two key differences between us and you and your girl. One, I was not financially dependent on my ex. Quite the opposite, actually; he was dependent on me in myriad ways, including financially. Two, I took action and changed my situation.

Your girl may be in her current bind due to circumstances beyond her control. I can see how someone might be broke and financially dependent on an SO they feel nothing for. But her unwillingness to change things-- to work for financial independence, to leave a partner she's not happy with-- does not bode well at all for you.

lobotomyboy63

08-26-2009, 04:51 PM

Your girl may be in her current bind due to circumstances beyond her control. I can see how someone might be broke and financially dependent on an SO they feel nothing for. But her unwillingness to change things-- to work for financial independence, to leave a partner she's not happy with-- does not bode well at all for you.

I wonder about this. The economy being what it is, it could be that she was a bigshot at a company, living with a guy, and then lost her job and her 401K etc. At the time that relationship was okay but has since deteriorated and there just isn't anything out there right now for someone of her qualifications.

Or it could be that she's allergic to work.

A woman I know told me she had held onto a bad relationship because she had put her husband through school and by God he was going to do the same for her, as promised.

Is she unwilling or unable to change?

Harriet the Spry

08-26-2009, 04:59 PM

I read something on the cubicle wall of a civil servant today that made me think of this thread: "don't make someone your priority so they can make you an option."

jjimm

08-26-2009, 05:41 PM

2. Possible STD (are you the only guy she's fooling around with?)

3. Possible pregnancy. (Which would be VERY BAD for you.)Do condoms not exist in your part of the world?

ETA:don't make someone your priority so they can make you an optionGenius.

MsWhatsit

08-26-2009, 05:44 PM

Do condoms not exist in your part of the world?

ETA:Genius.

My oldest child is the result of a condom malfunction (and not an obvious one, either; we had no idea until I saw the pink line on the stick a couple of weeks later).

Geek Mecha

08-26-2009, 06:08 PM

I wonder about this. The economy being what it is, it could be that she was a bigshot at a company, living with a guy, and then lost her job and her 401K etc. At the time that relationship was okay but has since deteriorated and there just isn't anything out there right now for someone of her qualifications.

I'd think a former bigshot with a 401k would not enjoy being financially dependent on a boyfriend she didn't love anymore. Someone who had achieved a lot and once had a good, happy life would probably not be content to be in her current situation for long, and would take whatever job she could to get out of it.

IIRC, the OP is in is early 20s and isn't at the 401k-stage in his career. Unless he's dating someone much older, I assume the girl in question is as well.

lobotomyboy63

08-26-2009, 06:29 PM

I'd think a former bigshot with a 401k would not enjoy being financially dependent on a boyfriend she didn't love anymore. Someone who had achieved a lot and once had a good, happy life would probably not be content to be in her current situation for long, and would take whatever job she could to get out of it.

IIRC, the OP is in is early 20s and isn't at the 401k-stage in his career. Unless he's dating someone much older, I assume the girl in question is as well.

We don't have anything to go on except the OP. I see a lot of posts implying that she's a freeloader etc. but for all I know, she spent everything on her mother's life-saving surgery and then lost her job, you know? The job market's pretty bad in some areas, so what she's willing to do for work and what's available may be at odds. Also I don't know anything about the OP's age or any of that.

Some posters seem to think the SO is Mr. Gotrocks and she's living high. Maybe...maybe not. In any case we won't know until/unless the OP rejoins the conversation.

Happy Scrappy Hero Pup

08-26-2009, 11:13 PM

If she fucked around WITH you, she'll fuck around ON you.

There are chicks

-in your town
-who are single
-who are good in bed
-who will like you
-who will prioritize you properly

This is not a "pick from" list, this is a list of requirements.

Go back and look at threads started by me.

You DON'T want to be me. And you have the potential to end up worse than me.

Seriously, dude. Life's too short to stick your dick in the crazy.

msmith537

08-27-2009, 07:07 AM

What is it you have in common? You are both money-grubbing golddigging whores? Are you sure "financially dependent on her boyfriend" isn't code for "he's her pimp"? And how can you say you "have a good sense of people" when you are only now "relaxed enough to have girls take notice and like you".

You don't think she is manipulating you but you whether you know it or not, you are in a position to be easily manipulated. It sounds like you are a bit inexperienced with women. So for you it's kind of a big deal that this one likes you. It's only "amazing" because it's new and unexpected.

Best case scenario she breaks up with her boyfriend and starts gloming off you.

A friend of mine, who is a businessman, had an unhappily married woman coming on to him. He was prepared to go for it. His attitude was that it's like a hostile takeover or something. If the SO treated her right, he reasoned, she wouldn't be susceptible to the charms of other men.

Actually he sounds like the typical "businessman" jackass who is full of himself and probably just doesn't care if it "works out" with this woman as long as he bangs her.

IIRC, the OP is in is early 20s and isn't at the 401k-stage in his career. Unless he's dating someone much older, I assume the girl in question is as well.

Complete hijack, but it is never too early to start putting money into your 401k.

interface2x

08-27-2009, 08:28 AM

Complete hijack, but it is never too early to start putting money into your 401k.Agreed. It's easier to build it up over time than to play catch-up in your 30's.

Carl Corey

08-27-2009, 11:02 AM

Do condoms not exist in your part of the world?

ETA:Genius.

Condoms do break. I've had it happen.

She didn't get pregnant, fortunately.

dba Fred

08-27-2009, 11:08 AM

Go for it! I haven’t seen anything interesting on Jerry Springer lately.

tdn

08-27-2009, 11:42 AM

Sounds like a case of phenylethylamine poisoning.

Do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of phenylethylamine.
Do not make life-changing decisions while under the influence of phenylethylamine.
Do not trust your ability to size people up while under the influence of phenylethylamine.
Warning: Phenylethylamine may cause sweaty palms, heart palpitations, and excessive phone calls.
Do not taunt Happy Fun Phenylethylamine.

Markxxx

08-27-2009, 01:16 PM

Dangerosa

08-27-2009, 01:18 PM

You can't stop thinking about her. That is leaving you no room to find someone who is:

1) Available. She isn't. She has a live in significant other. This table is currently booked. No room at the inn.

2) Self-sufficient. She isn't.

In the future, there are minimum standards that pretty much everyone should meet before you date them. List yours - they will vary from mine. But two of mine are available and self-sufficient. (monogamous - since I don't do poly, non-smoker, no current addictions, not a religious zealot in any sense rounds out my own minimum standards.)

Not everyone has the same standards. It could be that you are comfortable with a poly relationship - cause that's what you've got. It could be that you are comfortable supporting your significant other - plenty of people do. But if there was some wonderful girl out there without a boyfriend and capable of paying her own rent - you don't have emotional room for her right now. And she'd be - in my opinion - a trade up.

The Great Sun Jester

08-27-2009, 04:07 PM

+1 to previous 37

Stop it.

supergoose

08-27-2009, 04:49 PM

Yeah it's not nice, but as long as you don't have any money she can get at anyway, what are you out?

Self-respect?

Valgard

08-27-2009, 05:41 PM

Mtgman

08-27-2009, 06:28 PM

I had to go back and double check the name on the OP. I would have sworn it was Siam Sam posting the words of yet another sucker taken in by the bargirls of Thailand.

Walk away. You're already doing this, even if you don't realize it. You've refused to help her financially but you gave her the out of "until I get to know you better." Cancel that and make her stand up for herself, end her previous commitments and come to you as an equal partner. Anything else is asking for heartache in the long run. You've spent too much of your life either alone or in fucked up relationships already.

Enjoy,
Steven

Mtgman

08-27-2009, 06:36 PM

I'm going to see her a few more times so we can feel out if this thing can work. But she is in such a trap financially. I know relationships will always have wrinkles. Any advice for me? I can't stop thinking about her.

I guess I am usually mature to the extent that I don't give things a chance, this time I want to give it a chance.[Obi-Wan Kenobi]That's your Johnson talking. It doesn't have your best interests in mind. Give it a good beating and move along.[/Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Enjoy,
Steven

handsomeharry

08-27-2009, 06:59 PM

Can't disagree with anything the above posters have said, but there's no reason why you can't keep HER on the string and use HER till something better comes along for you.

Yeah it's not nice, but as long as you don't have any money she can get at anyway, what are you out?

I was with you, Markxxx, but then I realized that as soon as he gets some $$$ he'll fire it over to her, post haste. He's got wussy written all over him. Not a wussy, but more of 'lackey of women.' Now, that is good if one is getting what one wants, but when not, well, you're in the same boat as the OP.

Use her, but you ain't gonna get what you really want.

hh

Siam Sam

08-27-2009, 11:39 PM

tdn

08-28-2009, 08:11 AM

Cat Fight

08-28-2009, 12:04 PM

On the off chance that Quasi slogs through the whole thread, I'm hoping we get a clarification re. the whole 'financially dependent' thing. Did she lose her job? Is she living with him in New York city in a great apartment that either she can't afford or that neither of them could afford alone? Do they have investments together? is she disabled and counting on his insurance (though I'm not sure how that would work if they're not common law)? In this day and age, if it's simply 'I don't have a job, he does,' well, that doesn't say much about her character. Even if she has major debts and can't find a job because of the economy. If she's staying with this guy because of his money, then there's nothing to indicate she wouldn't start a relationship with another guy... based on his money.

I will say, though, in her defense, that I've seen her type at the end of a long-term relationship. Even if they cheat, even if they are no longer attracted to their partner, there is this sense that they've invested so much in it. They think fizzling out, breaking it off without good reason seems like such a sad end to half a decade (as if the examples above aren't good reasons). Which, again, isn't fair to Quasi.

Cat Fight

08-28-2009, 12:34 PM

Forgot to mention the other 'financially dependent' possibility, though it would be a major omission on her or the OP's part – they've got kids and she's a stay-at-home mom.

RedSwinglineOne

08-28-2009, 01:28 PM

... even though we are an AMAZING match...

The problem is, the two of you are not an amazing match. The three of you are.
Here's the thing about women. They are very demanding. They are looking for a man that will satisfy their every need. If they don't get everything they need, they may find it elsewhere. He may very well be the perfect guy, except he flirts with other girls and does not appreciate her love of 'hello kitty', memorabelia.
Then she meets you, and you satisfy her "I'm the best he can get and he would never look at another girl" need. Problem is, you may not satisfy her "He's a gorgeous, hard to tie down stud who can have any women he wants, and he wants me" need.

I don't know your situation, but my point is that its very easy to get involved with women in relationships by providing the one thing they are missing from their current relationship. If she thought you could satisfy all her needs, she would find a way to leave him for you.

Yeticus Rex

08-28-2009, 02:26 PM

Hey, Quasi.....just remember.....we're not judging you, we are judging your situation. Let us know how you are feeling. I know you can't be feeling good right now, but I think virtually all of us are looking out after you from a neutral third person stance. We don't want to see a fellow Doper a year or two down the road start a thread about his girlfriend cheating on him.

Let us know what you're feeling.

supergoose

08-28-2009, 03:34 PM

The problem is, the two of you are not an amazing match. The three of you are.
Here's the thing about women. They are very demanding. They are looking for a man that will satisfy their every need. If they don't get everything they need, they may find it elsewhere. He may very well be the perfect guy, except he flirts with other girls and does not appreciate her love of 'hello kitty', memorabelia.
Then she meets you, and you satisfy her "I'm the best he can get and he would never look at another girl" need. Problem is, you may not satisfy her "He's a gorgeous, hard to tie down stud who can have any women he wants, and he wants me" need.

I don't know your situation, but my point is that its very easy to get involved with women in relationships by providing the one thing they are missing from their current relationship. If she thought you could satisfy all her needs, she would find a way to leave him for you.

Here's the thing about people - if they're in a relationship that isn't fulfilling all their needs, they seek to get those needs fulfilled either outside and in addition to the relationship or in an entirely new relationship. If they're good, honest people, they choose the latter option. Being female has nothing to do with it and making it seem as though it does makes you come off as someone who's bitter and misogynistic. I hope I can say that even though this isn't the pit.

Shirley Ujest

08-28-2009, 03:41 PM

You deserve someone better.

Siam Sam

08-28-2009, 06:59 PM

Hey, Quasi.....just remember.....we're not judging you, we are judging your situation. ... I think virtually all of us are looking out after you from a neutral third person stance. We don't want to see a fellow Doper a year or two down the road start a thread about his girlfriend cheating on him.

Yes, that. I've seen so many otherwise-normal people get into these situations. Easy to point fingers and pontificate, and sure I've posted about the more bizarre cases over here myself, but I've seen the true anguish that can result, that indeed has resulted. It's not pretty. People dump on the guys who come to Thailand and lose their hearts to bargirls or even seemingly ordinary "good" girls, but this same thing happens at home, too.

Unfortunately, people usually need to make their own mistakes. How many of us have not later on down the road thought a particular piece of advice should have been heeded, be it about romance or something else?

msmith537

08-29-2009, 01:20 AM

Here are a few things I observed over the years.

First of all, a lot of women are whores. Not to sound mysogynistic, because it works both ways, but I am talking from the male perspective. Basically these are women (often very young) who either learn at an early age that men mostly value them for sex or through observation have associated sex with some sort of personal validation. So they will constantly be on the lookout for a bigger, better deal, cheat on their SO when they get into an argument or feel bad about themselves, or sleep around in order to obtain status or even drugs or just for the drama of it. And they don't necessarily look or dress like bus-station skanks. They can look like a sweat and nice girl next door and next thing you know, they are blowing the entire lacrosse team behind your back.

The danger is if you fall in love with a girl like that early in your dating career, it can really fuck a guy up. A guy might start to think that EVERY woman is like that and they treat them accordingly. Then you really will become a mysogynistic asshole who treats women like whores. And like a self-fullfilling prophecy, that is all you will seem to ever encounter.

So the only advice I can give is that there ARE nice women out there. I'm not saying you should be looking for some virginal pure thing. Just demand respect and integrity like you would from anyone else and if they aren't providing it, cut them loose immediately.