Fucking Dove moisturizing commercial (very lame; please share your own infuriating commercials)

[Qazzz]

It's ridiculous and I hate it and I hope whoever thought it up it gets fired and has a hard time finding a new job. :mad:

Yeah, there have been commercials since the beginning of time with blue liquid dripping onto maxipads, etc., but this one is mind bogglingly insulting to human intelligence.

Have you seen it? "Dove moisturizes better than the other brands! Just look at this!" Then they show two containers of transparent gel-like beads which is somehow supposed to represent human skin. Someone pours blue liquid on each of them, and I suppose the blue liquids are supposed to be the "moisturizing agents." WELL I'LL BE! One of the blue liquids is pulled deeper into the magical skin-emulating transparent gel beads!!!! I don't need any more convincing than that!!!

There are so many things wrong with it. What are these beads made of? What does it have to do with human skin? What's the blue shit supposed to be? Why not just put the fucking Dove product itself on it?

Maybe it got to me so bad because I had to watch it every ten minutes while watching a season's worth of TV shows on Hulu.

[xnylder]

Another annoying soap commercial: Two women lather up, then we see (under blacklight) the residue that's left behind by the competitor's product. Interesting concept, until you read the fine print: Artist's representation. So, your entire pseudoscientific demonstration is fake? Besides, wouldn't you want a soap to leave residue? After all, moisturizer is residue, and come to think of it you do sell moisturizing soap too, don't you?

[tdn]

Hardly Pit-worthy, but one that's been bugging me with its sheer stupidity:

1-800-MATTRESS

"Leave off the last S for Savings."

[Pushkin]

Ah, you speak of Cocks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnVwbOzD53Y) of Advertising (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiwmYjk9ARA) :)

[Gfactor]

I've moved this from The BBQ Pit to Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share.

Gfactor
Pit Moderator

[Jack Batty]

My current most hated commercial is for some credit card or another.

You've got your run-of-the-mill hottie commercial wife flouncing into the living room wearing some fancy-schmancy dress. She models it for her run-of-the-mill doofus commercial husband who is duly impressed and he goes off on a flight of fancy about where he could sweep his wife off to and where they should spend all the credit card points they've collected ... Florence? Rome? Venice? Where should we go honey?

As it turns out, they can't use their points for a European vacation, because sweet-ums has spent it all on a dress. At this point the husband smiles. The end. Use our credit card.

On what effing planet is this going on? Because here on earth, hubby is still yelling, sweet-ums is filing for restraining orders, and there's $3,000 dress in shreds hanging from a back yard tree.

[Gorgon Heap]

I no longer have cable, but there is currently an ad for some local auto sales place in which the guy screams like Billy Mays while annoying music and voices in the background repeat the same few words the entire commercial.

I really, really do not like being screamed at by ads.

I have sworn if I ever actually see this guy who makes me loath my free driving entertainmen, I'll nail his tongue to a tree and burn the tree just for the pleasure of watching his face melt.

[Ferret Herder]

My current most hated commercial is for some credit card or another.

You've got your run-of-the-mill hottie commercial wife flouncing into the living room wearing some fancy-schmancy dress. She models it for her run-of-the-mill doofus commercial husband who is duly impressed and he goes off on a flight of fancy about where he could sweep his wife off to and where they should spend all the credit card points they've collected ... Florence? Rome? Venice? Where should we go honey?

As it turns out, they can't use their points for a European vacation, because sweet-ums has spent it all on a dress. At this point the husband smiles. The end. Use our credit card.

On what effing planet is this going on? Because here on earth, hubby is still yelling, sweet-ums is filing for restraining orders, and there's $3,000 dress in shreds hanging from a back yard tree.
Yes! :eek: I saw that one and had to rewind the DVR to confirm the plot of the thing. Meanwhile, my husband watched it in horror, looked at me, and said, "I love you, honey!"

[Jettboy]

I hate that ad for OnlineBootyCall.com with the two guys in a club; one of them's date is a 'nice' gal he met on Match.com and the other fella has a skankasaurus from Onilne Booty Call.

The mesage seems to be that "all men want a sleazy, STD-ridden slutpuppy who'll fuck the socks of any random dude she meets on the internet". I can't decide which is creepier; that the one guy is actually kissing the skank without a tongue condom of some sort —which is tantamount to sucking off an entire Star Wars chatroom by proxy— or that the second guy seems envious.

[teela brown]

Then there's the one of a woman scrubbing a toilet with bleach and suspiciously studying the snow-white, pristine results with a magnifying glass. The message? Just because you can't see them anymore doesn't mean the stains AREN'T STILL THERE!! See, we just pour some dye in the toilet, and now we see stains again!

Well, duh. You just dyed the porcelain. And as well, if the bleach removed the stains, IT REMOVED THE STAINS, DUMBSHITS! Who wants their toilet clean at a sub-atomic level, if it's at all possible? Go sell your paranoid cleanliness message to Adrian Monk.

[FairyChatMom]

It doesn't matter what is being sold - I absolutely abhor all those ads that show the husband/boyfriend/male person to be a total idiot who needs the smug, competent bitch to rescue him from, well, everything.

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!

grrrrrrrr

[Beware of Doug]

Ah, you speak of Cocks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnVwbOzD53Y) of Advertising (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiwmYjk9ARA) :)Ah, Brooker! He's marvelous. Wish we had one like him over here.

[MovieMogul]

Ah, you speak of Cocks (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnVwbOzD53Y) of Advertising (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiwmYjk9ARA) :)"I think mortgages should have holes you can put your knob in."

I'm going to have that circling in my brain all night...

[Gary "Wombat" Robson]

I've moved this from The BBQ Pit to Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share.

Gfactor
Pit Moderator
And, since it's TV-related, I'm tossing it over to Cafe Society!

[GuanoLad]

Click on the "Watch TV Ads" button here (http://www.workcover.vic.gov.au/worksafe/msi_09/) to see a horribly graphic and stupidly unrealistic new ad screening here in AU.

[atlantic]

I can't stand the commercials with catchy, earworm inducing jingles. My most hated right now is "who stole the cookie from the cookie jar". Not only is the jingle god awful, but the whole idea of eating cookies to lose weight seems ridiculous.

[atlantic]

Missed the edit window. Link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_yUcNG6Qr0) - Beware of the earworm.

[Brown Eyed Girl]

Click on the "Watch TV Ads" button here (http://www.workcover.vic.gov.au/worksafe/msi_09/) to see a horribly graphic and stupidly unrealistic new ad screening here in AU.:eek:

Wow! That's disgusting and really disturbing. I'm sure the kiddies just love that! Oh, and was the a hernia that guy picking up granny got? That was the grossest.

[Antinor01]

The recent Pizza Hut commercial for their pasta dishes. The premise is that a TV reporter is going around to people's houses to see how the recession has affected their dinner habits. He goes in to one house and the mom is scooping up plates of the Pizza Hut pasta and disgustedly says 'This isn't a story, they're still eating pasta!' (or something to that effect)

He repeats this in a few houses and then sees the pizza hut delivery guy going up to a house and says 'Not you again!'.

Get real! Feeding your family on pasta is NOT some huge expensive prospect. The whole thing is just incredibly stupid.

[susan_foster]

There's a new one for a maxi pad that uses blue water to represent absorption. Yeah, old hat - but this one is magician themed, with blue water filling up one of those boxes that magicians/their assistants escape from. Of course there is a woman in the box, and thinking about what the water is a substitution for...it just makes me gag.

[Zebra]

It doesn't matter what is being sold - I absolutely abhor all those ads that show the husband/boyfriend/male person to be a total idiot who needs the smug, competent bitch to rescue him from, well, everything.

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!

grrrrrrrr


If she is so competent, why is she with such a loser?

[quixotic78]

Four syllables -- Vee Hix Dot Com.

If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, then you're one of the lucky ones. I envy you.

[Rhythmdvl]

Glad I learned this (http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/1421/FreeToBe.html#Housework)lesson at a young age:

The lady we see when we're watching TV,
The lady who smiles as she scours or scrubs or rubs or washes or wipes or mops or dusts or cleans,
Or whatever she does on our TV screens,
That lady is smiling because she's an actress,
And she's earning money for learning those speeches
That mention those wonderful soaps and detergents and cleansers and cleaners and powders and pastes and waxes and bleaches.


So, the very next time you happen to be
Just sitting there quietly watching TV,
And you see some nice lady who smiles
As she scours or scrubs or rubs or washes or wipes or mops or dusts or cleans,
Remember, nobody smiles doing housework but those ladies you see on TV.

[Runs With Scissors]

Aflac and Geico.

[Snooooopy]

One I've been seeing lately that I don't like involves a woman who, in the course of walking from her bedroom downstairs to the front door, removes one elegant outfit after another from successively later eras of fashion. Because at the end, it's revealed that the subject is bladder control garments. It's a real WTF moment.

[Maiira]

I mostly hate ad campaigns that simply will not die. Geico and Apple are the worst culprits. I absolutely despise those "I'm a Mac! I'm a PC!" commercials: the campaign is stupid in the first place, but it's been going on for YEARS. ENOUGH already, Apple. Same with Geico's "the money you could be saving" ads. Just...gaaaah. Shut UP. And stop playing that stupid song.

I also dislike that hefty trash bag commercial where the woman in it holds her trash out to her husband (or whoever), saying "it stinks." She stands around for at least thirty seconds saying this. Lady, if it stinks so badly, WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? In the time it took to bitch and moan about how much your garbage smells, you could've just taken it out and been done with it. Christ.

Oh! And I also hate any and all commercials for cleaning products that show the mother cleaning up after her family's spills. Now, I'd understand if she was cleaning up after a young baby, but when the kid's older, shouldn't you be teaching them to clean up after themselves?

Related to the above, there are ads that feature women being encased in glass boxes and told to clean up the messes inside them. I find these incredibly creepy, and just a little bit sexist.

...Wow, I have a lot of anger towards commercials.

[lawoot]

Can I throw in a print ad?

The Rosetta Stone Farm Boy/Supermodel ad. (http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3584/3432352610_60bdbccd0a.jpg)

And a great response to it, courtesy of The New Yorker:

Mi Chiamo Stan (http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2009/04/13/090413sh_shouts_frazier?currentPage=all)

[Biggirl]

Chase Manhattan has an this ad where a mother and two daughters are sitting in a mall. The two daughters have this conversation:

"I just texted Chad."
"What did you say?"
"What's up?"
"Get outta here!"

The mom's phone goes off and it's a text message. One daughter asks, "Is it from Chad?" "No it's from Chase," answers mom. To which the other daughter says, "I'm so over Chad."

This commercial bothers me soooo much. It makes no sense on any level. Why would daughter number one think that texting Chad is so much of a big deal that she has to announce it? Why does daughter number two get so excited about a text that says What's up? Why would mom be getting a text from Chad? Why does daughter number one get over Chad 2 seconds after she asked him what was up? What in the hell does ANY of this have to do with Chase friggin' Manhattan Bank?



And don't get me started on the one where the mom is slaving over dinner and her son tells her "I don't know what pie-ella is but I'm not eating it!" and instead of cockpunching him when he arrives home, mom orders pizza.

[Serenata67]

My current most hated commercial is for some credit card or another.

You've got your run-of-the-mill hottie commercial wife flouncing into the living room wearing some fancy-schmancy dress. She models it for her run-of-the-mill doofus commercial husband who is duly impressed and he goes off on a flight of fancy about where he could sweep his wife off to and where they should spend all the credit card points they've collected ... Florence? Rome? Venice? Where should we go honey?

As it turns out, they can't use their points for a European vacation, because sweet-ums has spent it all on a dress. At this point the husband smiles. The end. Use our credit card.

On what effing planet is this going on? Because here on earth, hubby is still yelling, sweet-ums is filing for restraining orders, and there's $3,000 dress in shreds hanging from a back yard tree.

My fiancee didn't get it the first few times he saw it. He said to me, "why can't they go on vacation?" I proceeded to explain that she used all the points to buy that damned dress, and he said, "Oh, I get it." pause "Good thing you'd never do something dumb like that."

The commercial that is really getting to me right now is the Mary J Blige one where she's using all these different phones and her clothes are changing every two seconds. She's walking all annoying and exaggerated and bopping her head all dumb, the song gets stuck in my head and I don't even know the words to that overly processed almost-techno sounding voice and song she has going on. I can't stand it.

[Hampshire]

The one that's getting me lately is the "Teach your 1 year-old to read" system.
You can just see them going after the uneducated-sucker-born-every-minute-gulible types with this one.
A few random demonstrations with an adult showing an infant a card to which the infant responds by tugging on his trousers, the adult turns the card toward the camera to reveal the word "pants". AMAZING!!
More one word flash cards given to another tike who blurts out the words after which the adult shows the camera the matching word. OMG!!!
How does it work?
They then show some thrown together graphics of a brain with big words and arrows that they must have pulled out of a 1975 edition of Encyclopedia Britannica. OHHHH, IMPRESSIVE!! THAT'S REAL SCIENCEY STUFF RIGHT THERE!!

[Transistor Rhythm]

I absolutely abhor the Palm Pre commercials featuring the naked woman (http://www.geeksugar.com/3630611) using hypnotic, confusing metaphors to discuss how great the device is. They manage to be irritating, creepy, pretentious, and smug all at the same time. Plus their production value is really strange - her voice is clearly a close-mic'ed, proximity effect voiceover that wasn't recorded live, which gives it an even more unsettling vibe.

This one is the worst. (http://adweek.blogs.com/adfreak/2009/07/new-palm-pre-ads-eerie-excellent-or-both.html)

[kaylasdad99]

I hate the commercial for the box set of The Venture Bros. on DVD, because I always think, "Hey, The Venture Bros. is on!" So it fools me into not fast-forwarding through it.

[Lacunae Matata]

I always want to slap the kid who throws away his rollover minutes, because "They're old." But not as badly as I want to slap the moron who coined the tagline "Have a happy period."

[Parthol]

Hardly Pit-worthy, but one that's been bugging me with its sheer stupidity:

1-800-MATTRESS

"Leave off the last S for Savings."

I don't think it's stupid at all. If you don't add the tag line, people who know that a) phone numbers have seven digits, and b) don't know how to spell "mattress," might be inclined to think the number is 1-800-MATRESS.

I'd wager that this very problem is what caused them to start adding that line in the first place.

[Caricci]

My current most hated commercial is for some credit card or another.

You've got your run-of-the-mill hottie commercial wife flouncing into the living room wearing some fancy-schmancy dress. She models it for her run-of-the-mill doofus commercial husband who is duly impressed and he goes off on a flight of fancy about where he could sweep his wife off to and where they should spend all the credit card points they've collected ... Florence? Rome? Venice? Where should we go honey?

As it turns out, they can't use their points for a European vacation, because sweet-ums has spent it all on a dress. At this point the husband smiles. The end. Use our credit card.

On what effing planet is this going on? Because here on earth, hubby is still yelling, sweet-ums is filing for restraining orders, and there's $3,000 dress in shreds hanging from a back yard tree.

Meanwhile the dress is a little too big for her and you just know that IRL she thought she was going to be the next Julia Roberts with her big teeth and all.

[KneadToKnow]

There are so many things wrong with it. What are these beads made of? What does it have to do with human skin? What's the blue shit supposed to be? Why not just put the fucking Dove product itself on it?

I'm guessing you're too young to remember the Colgate dip-a-piece-of-chalk-into-blue-liquid-to-show-how-toothpaste-works commercials of the 1970s.

If only we all had teeth made of chalk, it might have been a reasonable analogy.

ETA: One relatively late example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRSSwGtSff0


For myself, I just want to stab the Restasis doctor (who, apparently, really is a doctor) in both her creepy eyes.

[KneadToKnow]

The commercial that is really getting to me right now is the Mary J Blige one where she's using all these different phones and her clothes are changing every two seconds. She's walking all annoying and exaggerated and bopping her head all dumb, the song gets stuck in my head and I don't even know the words to that overly processed almost-techno sounding voice and song she has going on. I can't stand it.

First time I saw that one, I asked my girlfriend, "Am I supposed to know who the hell that is?"

[muldoonthief]

I don't think it's stupid at all. If you don't add the tag line, people who know that a) phone numbers have seven digits, and b) don't know how to spell "mattress," might be inclined to think the number is 1-800-MATRESS.

I'd wager that this very problem is what caused them to start adding that line in the first place.

Amusingly, 1-800-MATTRES and 1-800-MATRESS both go to the same destination. Don't know if it was always that way, or the company finally managed to buy the second number.

[Ferret Herder]

For myself, I just want to stab the Restasis doctor (who, apparently, really is a doctor) in both her creepy eyes.
Did you notice she maybe blinks once in the whole commercial? :eek:

We had a patient come in to ask about that stuff, when that actress from Northern Exposure was promoting it. (Blanking on her name.) Either he didn't watch the commercial that well or they were vague about it, but he didn't realize it was an immunosuppressant, and the patient in question has AIDS. My boss told him that unfortunately, though he had very dry eyes, the medication was not a good idea for him.

[maladroit]

The commercial that is really getting to me right now is the Mary J Blige one where she's using all these different phones and her clothes are changing every two seconds. She's walking all annoying and exaggerated and bopping her head all dumb, the song gets stuck in my head and I don't even know the words to that overly processed almost-techno sounding voice and song she has going on. I can't stand it.

That vocal effect might be flanging. I like the commercial because I think the clothes are pretty. I usually mute commercials with singing in them, especially Subway and freecreditreport.com.

from here
http://www-ece.eng.uab.edu/DCallaha/courses/DSP/Projects%202001/T4/sound.htm
Flanging

Flanging has a very characteristic sound that many people refer to as a "whooshing" sound, or a sound similar to the sound of a jet plane flying overhead. Flanging is generally considered a particular type of phasing (another popular effect). Flanging is created by mixing a signal with a slightly delayed copy of itself, where the length of the delay is constantly changing.

[BaneSidhe]

Someone please stuff the smug little man in the freecreditreport.com commercials into a trash compactor.

[KneadToKnow]

Did you notice she maybe blinks once in the whole commercial? :eek:

[Progressive.com's Flo]
YES!
[/Flo]

[LurkMeister]

The commercial that is really getting to me right now is the Mary J Blige one where she's using all these different phones and her clothes are changing every two seconds. She's walking all annoying and exaggerated and bopping her head all dumb, the song gets stuck in my head and I don't even know the words to that overly processed almost-techno sounding voice and song she has going on. I can't stand it.

First time I saw that one, I asked my girlfriend, "Am I supposed to know who the hell that is?"

Until I read Serenata67's post I had no idea who it was. Or why I should care. But I knew that I hated her voice and the song.

[Promethea]

Ah, Brooker! He's marvelous. Wish we had one like him over here.

You do have the utterly fantastic Sarah Haskins! Target Women: Doofy Husbands (http://current.com/items/90569059_sarah-haskins-in-target-women-doofy-husbands.htm)

[Brown Eyed Girl]

You do have the utterly fantastic Sarah Haskins! Target Women: Doofy Husbands (http://current.com/items/90569059_sarah-haskins-in-target-women-doofy-husbands.htm)
That was awesome!

[Serenata67]

Until I read Serenata67's post I had no idea who it was. Or why I should care. But I knew that I hated her voice and the song.

I'm so glad I'm not the only that abhors that commercial. :D

[Shawn1767]

I can't stand the Progressive Insurance because of Flo. She's a little too "uncanny valley" for me.

Almost human, but not quite. (I realize she's a real person, but I can't understand the appeal, she creeps me out).

[Transistor Rhythm]

That vocal effect might be flanging. I like the commercial because I think the clothes are pretty. I usually mute commercials with singing in them, especially Subway and freecreditreport.com.

from here
http://www-ece.eng.uab.edu/DCallaha/courses/DSP/Projects%202001/T4/sound.htm
Flanging

Flanging has a very characteristic sound that many people refer to as a "whooshing" sound, or a sound similar to the sound of a jet plane flying overhead. Flanging is generally considered a particular type of phasing (another popular effect). Flanging is created by mixing a signal with a slightly delayed copy of itself, where the length of the delay is constantly changing.

Naw, it's just autotune.

[eleanorigby]

I tend to mute all commercials because they are too loud and obnoxious, but Justin Case (for some insurance or other) has come to my attention. I want to kill him.



And I am repelled by cartoon bears selling toilet paper. I make it a point to NOT buy that brand.

[lawoot]

And I am repelled by cartoon bears selling toilet paper. I make it a point to NOT buy that brand.

Hear, hear!

[Transistor Rhythm]

I tend to mute all commercials because they are too loud and obnoxious, but Justin Case (for some insurance or other) has come to my attention. I want to kill him.


The thing about Justin Case that drives me to go out and kill for Khrushchev is that the commercials are played completely straight and serious, when they're so cheesy and lame that they feel like parodies of earnest commercials that resort to lame gimmicks. Whenever I see it, I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall, but the whole thing is played completely earnest without a hint of irony or self-awareness.

[Meyer6]

I can't stand the Progressive Insurance because of Flo. She's a little too "uncanny valley" for me.

Almost human, but not quite. (I realize she's a real person, but I can't understand the appeal, she creeps me out).

I feel the same way about the Lipton Green Tea commercial lady. I can't put my finger on why, but she gives me the uncanny valley creeps - it's like she's a mixture of a real person and a cartoon.

Here's the commercial on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSYFhwnILd0&feature=related

[AskNott]

I kept seeing an ad for some product, and the voice-over seemed to proudly tell me it contained "nutria moisturizer." A nutria is a swamp rat about the size of a housecat, which made the ad confusing. Eventually, I listened more carefully, and maybe she was saying "nutrium," which is just as mysterious. What the hell's nutrium? :confused:

[salinqmind]

The recent Pizza Hut commercial for their pasta dishes. The premise is that a TV reporter is going around to people's houses to see how the recession has affected their dinner habits. He goes in to one house and the mom is scooping up plates of the Pizza Hut pasta and disgustedly says 'This isn't a story, they're still eating pasta!' (or something to that effect)

He repeats this in a few houses and then sees the pizza hut delivery guy going up to a house and says 'Not you again!'.

Get real! Feeding your family on pasta is NOT some huge expensive prospect. The whole thing is just incredibly stupid.

And if some of us aren't fat enough, they're selling pieces of dough you can dip into chocolate. And some faker doofus is pretending to be French, using the worst 'French' accent EVER, inviting people to try zee 'chalk - oh - laht". And then surprise! says "It's from Pizza Hut and I'm NOT even French!" Oh, no shit?

[Rhythmdvl]

You do have the utterly fantastic Sarah Haskins! Target Women: Doofy Husbands (http://current.com/items/90569059_sarah-haskins-in-target-women-doofy-husbands.htm)

Sarah Haskins!!!

I caught a handful of her videos a year or so ago and promptly lost the history and path to how I found her. Been wracking my brains ever since trying to think of ways to find that sardonic, hysterical female commentator on yogurt. Yeah, good luck. Thanks for reminding me!

[Serenata67]

I can't stand the Progressive Insurance because of Flo. She's a little too "uncanny valley" for me.

Almost human, but not quite. (I realize she's a real person, but I can't understand the appeal, she creeps me out).

Don't tell the Flo Fan Club (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=513859) about that... :D

[Death of Rats]

Get real! Feeding your family on pasta is NOT some huge expensive prospect. The whole thing is just incredibly stupid.

It is if you are having it delivered by Pizza Hut rather then making the same dish at home better for 1/10th the cost. :D

My contribution are the AT&T wireless ads toting thier rollover minutes with the smarmy family throwing away old minutes and demanding new ones. I am just waiting for the Mom to snap and go all Susan Smith on the one teenager.

[Wile E]

...

My contribution are the AT&T wireless ads toting thier rollover minutes with the smarmy family throwing away old minutes and demanding new ones. I am just waiting for the Mom to snap and go all Susan Smith on the one teenager.

I like that one. The mom has the best angry looks ever. But I too hope she really snaps one day, too.

The one I hate is the guy with the big pack of gum that freshens your breath, Dentyne maybe. He walks around offering it to people saying "friend request" ignored, denied or accepted. It doesn't bother me until the guy with coffee breath gets right in his face. Then later at a party he offers some chick a piece of gum and everybody gets up and dances. The chick is so bad at pretending to chew gum and dance it's annoying. Couldn't they just have found a better actress? She dance chews like she's having some sort of slow motion seizure.

[Serenata67]

I like that one. The mom has the best angry looks ever. But I too hope she really snaps one day, too.

The one I hate is the guy with the big pack of gum that freshens your breath, Dentyne maybe. He walks around offering it to people saying "friend request" ignored, denied or accepted. It doesn't bother me until the guy with coffee breath gets right in his face. Then later at a party he offers some chick a piece of gum and everybody gets up and dances. The chick is so bad at pretending to chew gum and dance it's annoying. Couldn't they just have found a better actress? She dance chews like she's having some sort of slow motion seizure.

I had never thought of her dancing as a slow motion seizure... but I totally see it now and it makes me laugh. :D

[Ferret Herder]

My contribution are the AT&T wireless ads toting thier rollover minutes with the smarmy family throwing away old minutes and demanding new ones. I am just waiting for the Mom to snap and go all Susan Smith on the one teenager.
I want her to show up as the mom in this commercial:
And don't get me started on the one where the mom is slaving over dinner and her son tells her "I don't know what pie-ella is but I'm not eating it!" and instead of cockpunching him when he arrives home, mom orders pizza.
It's some commercial for a home communications/Internet/whatever unit where the mom looks up a paella recipe on its screen and sends out a "paella night!" text (?) on it, then her ungrateful brat of a son sends home a video/audio message consisting of that declaration. She looks kind of sad, sighs, and orders pizza. WTF. AT&T Wireless Mom would cram his camera phone up his rear end, I think.

[Shoeless]

There's one I've seen a couple times lately for Time Warner cable. It's promoting the fact that if you get cable and phone with them, you can get caller ID to pop up on the TV. In the commercial the family (parents and what appears to be a young teenage daughter) is settling in to watch a "comedy" and talking about how they can watch the movie uninterrupted by phone calls.

Based on a couple of shots of the TV screen, the "family comedy" they are getting ready to watch is "Watchmen". :eek:

[Odesio]

There's a commercial for Febreze, or, perhaps, some other air freshener type product that really bugs me. A mother comes in to tell her teenage son to clean up because he's going to have guest arriving. She ends up using the product on the furniture in his room before he two guest, teenage girls, arrive.

Girl#1: Ooo, it's nice in here.
Guy: I like to keep things fresh.

In and of itself it isn't the worst commercial in the world. The problem is that instead of using the actor's real voices they have dubbed them in with the voice of other actors. The sound is just so jarringly bad that I hate the commercial.


Odesio

[Ferret Herder]

There's a commercial for Febreze, or, perhaps, some other air freshener type product that really bugs me. A mother comes in to tell her teenage son to clean up because he's going to have guest arriving. She ends up using the product on the furniture in his room before he two guest, teenage girls, arrive.

Girl#1: Ooo, it's nice in here.
Guy: I like to keep things fresh.

In and of itself it isn't the worst commercial in the world. The problem is that instead of using the actor's real voices they have dubbed them in with the voice of other actors. The sound is just so jarringly bad that I hate the commercial.
I don't have audio on this computer, but can anyone else confirm from this YouTube version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwEPKTn4ies) that when the mom says they have to "wash" the whole room, at around 0:09 in the commercial, that her mouth isn't moving at all? My husband and I swear you can't see her mouth move on the broadcast version, and we've got a pretty good-sized TV.

[Biggirl]

It's some commercial for a home communications/Internet/whatever unit where the mom looks up a paella recipe on its screen and sends out a "paella night!" text (?) on it, then her ungrateful brat of a son sends home a video/audio message consisting of that declaration. She looks kind of sad, sighs, and orders pizza. WTF. AT&T Wireless Mom would cram his camera phone up his rear end, I think.

Some other poster in another thread said he hated the AT&T mom and couldn't see how this commercial sold anything with the haranguing mom. I love the AT&T mom, she can melt teenage poutiness and adolescent smartass with her mom-stare!

Other commercial people I should hate but don't-- Enzyte Bob (can't help it, he cracks me up) and Vince the Shamwow Guy.

[Malthus]

I tend to mute all commercials because they are too loud and obnoxious, but Justin Case (for some insurance or other) has come to my attention. I want to kill him.



And I am repelled by cartoon bears selling toilet paper. I make it a point to NOT buy that brand.

Every time I see that commercial, it makes me think of just how nasty and gross a bear's ass would be. :D

[Jeep's Phoenix]

Ooo, I have lots of commercial hate right now.

First up is Walmart, with the bitch blinking rapidly in her SO's face while the voiceover talks about how much she loves her vibrating (!) mascara applicator. As the camera pans out, the SO finally turns the TV remote over to the bitch, apparently making her happy.

Carolina Flooring is currently running a set of TV and print ads showing all the different types of flooring they carry, along with their tagline, which is "We Do Floor®". It irritates me; I've never seen the word "floor" used this way.

Any commercial where a little brat is shown making a complete mess, followed by the parent (often the mother) cheerfully cleaning it up.

GM's OnStar commercials have gotten pretty stupid too. The worst one is where the couple has a wreck after swerving to avoid a deer. Any other auto company on the planet would have shown how the car's various safety systems would help you avoid the deer; but not GM! No, their product will go careening into a tree at the first sign of a road hazard -- but look, they have OnStar, so at least you'll get help fast!

And finally, Brinks Home Security (now Broadview, I think). All but one of their commercials plays on the "helpless little woman home alone" angle. It's absolutely disgusting, especially since the woman is always shown cornering herself (for example, dashing upstairs) after the break-in.

[Biggirl]

And finally, Brinks Home Security (now Broadview, I think). All but one of their commercials plays on the "helpless little woman home alone" angle. It's absolutely disgusting, especially since the woman is always shown cornering herself (for example, dashing upstairs) after the break-in.

This reminds me of another home security system where the robber is watching the house and waits until the family gets home to break in. If burglars are gonna be this stupid who needs an alarm system?

[BomTek]

Nobody's mentioned Jim Breuer's Pizza Hut commercial? Jesus, that guy's annoying as hell to begin with, but this seems like a more-obvious-than-usual cash grab.
That, and the way PH does their stuffed-crust now makes it look unappetizing. It was better when I couldn't see the ring of fat, thank you.
Thank Og I'm in Iraq right now so I don't have to see that commercial twice during every commercial break during football games.

[Promethea]

Sarah Haskins!!!

I caught a handful of her videos a year or so ago and promptly lost the history and path to how I found her. Been wracking my brains ever since trying to think of ways to find that sardonic, hysterical female commentator on yogurt. Yeah, good luck. Thanks for reminding me!

Oh awesome - happy to have reunited you with her :)

The yogurt one is one of her very best. "Hey ladies, want yogurt? No? Too bad, because yogurt wants you." Heh.

[KneadToKnow]

Based on a couple of shots of the TV screen, the "family comedy" they are getting ready to watch is "Watchmen". :eek:

Well, since the Comedian was Silk Spectre 2's father, that should count, right?

[FairyChatMom]

... The worst one is where the couple has a wreck after swerving to avoid a deer. Any other auto company on the planet would have shown how the car's various safety systems would help you avoid the deer; but not GM! No, their product will go careening into a tree at the first sign of a road hazard -- but look, they have OnStar, so at least you'll get help fast!The ones that kill me feature the great handling that allows you to swerve and miss whatever hazard shows up. But you never see the swerver slowing down. Maybe I'm a wussy driver, but when I see something in the road or someone/something leaps in front of my car, first thing is BRAKES!!!

I guess it's just me...

[Jeep's Phoenix]

The yogurt one is one of her very best. "Hey ladies, want yogurt? No? Too bad, because yogurt wants you." Heh.
Yogurt! :mad: I forgot the yogurt ads...like that super-nasty one where the girl is sucking the yogurt out of the container so hard that the container conforms to her face, or the Yoplait one where they're encouraging you to lick the yogurt top before sticking it in an envelope and mailing it in. Ew!

The ones that kill me feature the great handling that allows you to swerve and miss whatever hazard shows up. But you never see the swerver slowing down. Maybe I'm a wussy driver, but when I see something in the road or someone/something leaps in front of my car, first thing is BRAKES!!!
They gotta show the handling. :)

[Serenata67]

...

Other commercial people I should hate but don't-- Enzyte Bob (can't help it, he cracks me up) and Vince the Shamwow Guy.

I can't stand the Shamwow guy, but I honestly loved Billy Mays. I would buy anything he sold. Don't know why, but I just would.

[Maiira]

Ooooo, I just thought of another one:

Those "need a moment?" twix commercials. Every single one of them. The one I hate the most is the one where the guy invites the girl into his apartment, and the place is a mess. He, being the "smooth" one, exclaims "oh no! I've been robbed!" and the girl expresses sympathy. First of all, why are these ads encouraging lying to a potential (or actual) girlfriend like it's no big deal? What else is this asshole going to lie about? Cheating on her? Having an STD? Being in debt?

Second of all, it assumes that the girl is stupid enough to fall for his shit. If I were her, I wouldn't be all "oh, you poor thing," I'd be insisting that he file a police report, or at least contact them. If he'd really been robbed, the place would now be a crime scene. I should hope that most girls would be smart enough to know that much, at least.

As an addendum to my last post, I found this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fu9raarNsg) Brawny commercial, which shows the kid helping mom clean up the messes they made. Yay Brawny! :)

[Gary "Wombat" Robson]

I can't stand the Shamwow guy, but I honestly loved Billy Mays. I would buy anything he sold. Don't know why, but I just would.I really don't think I ever heard more than a couple of consecutive sentences out of Billy Mays, because that's how long it took me to find the remote control and shut him off. His yelling, his pitch style, and his voice just grated on me.

[Ferret Herder]

I don't have audio on this computer, but can anyone else confirm from this YouTube version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwEPKTn4ies) that when the mom says they have to "wash" the whole room, at around 0:09 in the commercial, that her mouth isn't moving at all? My husband and I swear you can't see her mouth move on the broadcast version, and we've got a pretty good-sized TV.
Confirmed - yup, Mom is not moving her mouth when she says, "We've got to wash this whole room." So not only is that Febreeze commercial poorly dubbed, they also add in an extra line of dialogue when no one is actually talking.

[drastic_quench]

It doesn't matter what is being sold - I absolutely abhor all those ads that show the husband/boyfriend/male person to be a total idiot who needs the smug, competent bitch to rescue him from, well, everything.

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!

grrrrrrrr
We are of the same mind.

"I think mortgages should have holes you can put your knob in."

I'm going to have that circling in my brain all night...
Yeah, he opened with his best joke.

[Oslo Ostragoth]

I hate this one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jBE_GXeyc0). How could so many people (involved in the production of the commercial) not have at least some idea how a hovercraft works?

[Serenata67]

i hate this one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jbe_gxeyc0). How could so many people (involved in the production of the commercial) not have at least some idea how a hovercraft works?

exactly!

[Sigmagirl]

I think everybody involved in those Aspen Dental ads deserves to have no teeth. "I used to have the worst teeth in the world, I looked like a jack o' lantern, people would cross the street to avoid my mouth full of shoe pegs, I'd wear a paper bag over my head to get my oil changed -- and now I just can't shut up about how happy happy happy I am that I got my teeth fixed and people cross the street to keep from hearing me talk about my fucking teeth!" and they play that stupid song over and over and over that has only one line.

[Carl Corey]

Confirmed - yup, Mom is not moving her mouth when she says, "We've got to wash this whole room." So not only is that Febreeze commercial poorly dubbed, they also add in an extra line of dialogue when no one is actually talking.

Was the line "workshed?" :D

[gigi]

a skankasaurus

:p

It doesn't matter what is being sold - I absolutely abhor all those ads that show the husband/boyfriend/male person to be a total idiot who needs the smug, competent bitch to rescue him from, well, everything.

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!!!!!

grrrrrrrr

"You've got your kids, pets, husbands!" as if they're all mess-makers who can't keep the house clean. :smack: And those commercials that have a mom smiling while the kid makes a horrific mess--an opportunity to use your paper towels! Woot! :dubious:

[Ferret Herder]

Was the line "workshed?" :D
Hah! It deserves that kind of dubbing treatment I think.

(In Army of Darkness, on the commentary track, Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi joke about how loud the word "Workshed!" is due to bad overdubbing or something. It sounds more like Kirk Russell saying it than Campbell.

[Blackberry]

There used to be (or still is?) a commercial for Valtrex which was the same kind of thing. It showed two drawings of human figures and one had a whole bunch of Vs in it, which represented Valtrex, and then the other had just a few of the first letter of some inferier herpes medication, which clearly demonstrated that Valtrex is more effective, what with all those Vs.

[Hippy Hollow]

Same with Geico's "the money you could be saving" ads. Just...gaaaah. Shut UP. And stop playing that stupid song.

I also dislike that hefty trash bag commercial where the woman in it holds her trash out to her husband (or whoever), saying "it stinks." She stands around for at least thirty seconds saying this. Lady, if it stinks so badly, WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE? In the time it took to bitch and moan about how much your garbage smells, you could've just taken it out and been done with it. Christ.

Are you in my head? I was going to start a thread about Geico specifically about this commercial. It makes NO SENSE.

First, why is the money looking at you? You have stalker money? And these people look bemused, like "oh neat, it's looking at me." Shouldn't you snatch that shit up?

Worse yet they're now on radio. Fucking stupid commercial. And I hate the techno remake of "Somebody's Watching Me." It's like they got the cheapest knock-off artist to cover the song. They couldn't pay Rockwell for the rights to the original? Cheap bastards.

But they can make more caveman ones. Those are brilliant.

That bitch with the fucking trash bag... she deserves a good cock punching. Take it out, you daft bint, and stop waiting for "Coach" to rescue your dainty ass. The face she makes is punchable as well.

[Little Nemo]

I always want to slap the kid who throws away his rollover minutes, because "They're old."I'm not so much infuriated as confused by the current one of these set in the family van. Older son is in the backseat and ask Mom for some minutes. Mom asks what happened to the ones he had. Older Son says he threw them out. Mom gets annoyed as she reminds him again that these are rollover minutes and they were still good.

Cut to Older Son staring at Mom.

Cut to Mom staring at Older Son.

Cut back to Older Son staring at Mom.

Cut back to Mom staring at Older Son.

Cut to Younger Son staring at them both.

Uhhh...what's the point of all this staring? I keep expecting a tagline but the commercial just ends without anyone saying anything more. Did they inadvertently buy fifteen seconds of airtime but only write a ten second script? Was there a director on set saying "...and hold the stare...and hold...and keep holding it..."

The blank uncomfortable staring all around probably isn't supposed to convey the message that dysfunctional families buy this product but that's the impression I'm left with.

[Ferret Herder]

I'm not so much infuriated as confused by the current one of these set in the family van. Older son is in the backseat and ask Mom for some minutes. Mom asks what happened to the ones he had. Older Son says he threw them out. Mom gets annoyed as she reminds him again that these are rollover minutes and they were still good.

Cut to Older Son staring at Mom.

Cut to Mom staring at Older Son.

Cut back to Older Son staring at Mom.

Cut back to Mom staring at Older Son.

Cut to Younger Son staring at them both.

Uhhh...what's the point of all this staring? I keep expecting a tagline but the commercial just ends without anyone saying anything more. Did they inadvertently buy fifteen seconds of airtime but only write a ten second script? Was there a director on set saying "...and hold the stare...and hold...and keep holding it..."

The blank uncomfortable staring all around probably isn't supposed to convey the message that dysfunctional families buy this product but that's the impression I'm left with.
See, I love it. She snaps at her son, "Saving minutes..." and he interjects with an attitude, "....saves money, I know." She gives him the glare o' doom like she's tempted to force-feed him the minute chips in her hand, and he shifts uncomfortably.

[Biggirl]

I'm not so much infuriated as confused by the current one of these set in the family van. Older son is in the backseat and ask Mom for some minutes. Mom asks what happened to the ones he had. Older Son says he threw them out. Mom gets annoyed as she reminds him again that these are rollover minutes and they were still good.

Cut to Older Son staring at Mom.

Cut to Mom staring at Older Son.

Cut back to Older Son staring at Mom.

Cut back to Mom staring at Older Son.

Cut to Younger Son staring at them both.

Uhhh...what's the point of all this staring? I keep expecting a tagline but the commercial just ends without anyone saying anything more. Did they inadvertently buy fifteen seconds of airtime but only write a ten second script? Was there a director on set saying "...and hold the stare...and hold...and keep holding it..."

The blank uncomfortable staring all around probably isn't supposed to convey the message that dysfunctional families buy this product but that's the impression I'm left with.

Man, I LOVE the mom-stare and did not know it was a feature of a dysfunctional family. If that's the case, every mother I know is in a dysfunctional family.

[gigi]

Yes, I like the staring contest and how the son finally has to look away.

[jackdavinci]

I really, really do not like being screamed at by ads.

This. As in "I want my money and I want it NOW!"

[whiterabbit]

Had cell phones not been toys of people with way more money than we had when I was a kid I can see my mom being a lot like the mom in those ads about the minutes. Heck, if I had a kid I'd be like her! The ad mom is far more like a real mom than any mom I ever saw in an ad before.

[Steve MB]

And finally, Brinks Home Security (now Broadview, I think). All but one of their commercials plays on the "helpless little woman home alone" angle. It's absolutely disgusting, especially since the woman is always shown cornering herself (for example, dashing upstairs) after the break-in.

What I want to see is a commercial that starts like one of those and turns into a commercial for a firearms training course as the late burglar is body-bagged and hauled off.

[simster]

See, I love it. She snaps at her son, "Saving minutes..." and he interjects with an attitude, "....saves money, I know." She gives him the glare o' doom like she's tempted to force-feed him the minute chips in her hand, and he shifts uncomfortably.

My problem with these commercials is that they are flat out lying -

rollover minutes expire - they become useless/worthless if you dont use them.

The commercial should be about how the kid wants to use the rollover minutes but cant until they';ve used up all of the current new minutes.

Saving minutes saves no one but the cell phone company money.

But I love the mom stare - the little quiver on the chin is perfect.

[Chanteuse]

Had cell phones not been toys of people with way more money than we had when I was a kid I can see my mom being a lot like the mom in those ads about the minutes. Heck, if I had a kid I'd be like her! The ad mom is far more like a real mom than any mom I ever saw in an ad before.

Especially in this one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmIj7_0-1kg)! I laughed my butt off, because I know I've done the same kind of thing with my kids, as did my own mom with me and my siblings!

[Skald the Rhymer]

I'm not so much infuriated as confused by the current one of these set in the family van. Older son is in the backseat and ask Mom for some minutes. Mom asks what happened to the ones he had. Older Son says he threw them out. Mom gets annoyed as she reminds him again that these are rollover minutes and they were still good.

Cut to Older Son staring at Mom.

Cut to Mom staring at Older Son.

Cut back to Older Son staring at Mom.

Cut back to Mom staring at Older Son.

Cut to Younger Son staring at them both.

Uhhh...what's the point of all this staring? I keep expecting a tagline but the commercial just ends without anyone saying anything more. Did they inadvertently buy fifteen seconds of airtime but only write a ten second script? Was there a director on set saying "...and hold the stare...and hold...and keep holding it..."

The blank uncomfortable staring all around probably isn't supposed to convey the message that dysfunctional families buy this product but that's the impression I'm left with.

It's pretty clear to me that we're meant to see this family as dysfunctional, or least tense. The son's is clearly trying to wind the mom up, and she's staring at him for three reasons. One, she's just realized that he's been deliberately throwing her money away out of adolescent rebellion; two, because she wants him to know that she knows; and three, because she's just decided this siatuation is best resolved with murderous violence and wants to keep an eye on him till they get home so she can disembowel him in the privacy of her own home.

But the mom's cute, even when she's angry, so it's cool.

[Jackmannii]

Can I throw in a print ad?

The Rosetta Stone Farm Boy/Supermodel ad. (http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3584/3432352610_60bdbccd0a.jpg)

And a great response to it, courtesy of The New Yorker:

Mi Chiamo Stan (http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2009/04/13/090413sh_shouts_frazier?currentPage=all)Mi Chiamo Stan is great. It's especially funny if you've lived in the Quad Cities. I mean, there has to be some payback for having lived there.

[Soylent Juicy]

Any commercial where a little brat is shown making a complete mess, followed by the parent (often the mother) cheerfully cleaning it up.


So true. I especially hate the Magic Eraser one where the mother is talking on the phone and doesn't realize that the kid is drawing on the walls. I would still be in the corner recovering from an ass-paddlin'.

[Wile E]

I don't think the AT&T mom/family is meant to be dysfunctional. She's a mom with teens, though I personally have never had teens I've seen enough of my siblings and other people's teens to know they are an aggravating rebellious lot.

Going back to the Febreze one, or pretty much any air freshener, I hate when people spray their air fresheners and the lean in and take a big sniff. You can't do that, you'll sneeze.

[Unauthorized Cinnamon]

Levi's - Go Forth. WTF people?! This is the most overwrought commercial I've ever seen, using an original recording of Walt Whitman reading "America," with lots of dark, artsy images. It is at once ridiculously earnest (for selling jeans, for Pete's sake!), and creepily off-putting.

[gigi]

Going back to the Febreze one, or pretty much any air freshener, I hate when people spray their air fresheners and the lean in and take a big sniff. You can't do that, you'll sneeze.I hate the idea of filling my house with chemicals more than I already have to. Anything with chemical air fresheners is icky to me.

[FordTaurusSHO94]

I can't stand the AT&T mom because she looks like she's on the verge of laughing instead of trying to stare him down.

[Jman]

See...I LOVE the AT&T mom. I think those commercials are hilarious. Especially the milky minutes one. "Isn't she lactose intolerant?" That's the kind of smartass remark I'd have said as a kid....and she plays the part perfectly.

[maladroit]

I finally remembered which commercial it is I really really hate the most - Twix need a moment? aggghhh hope you choke on it douche

[voguevixen]

...but the Sony eBooks Reader commercial is the worst commercial of all time - ALL TIME!

I just saw this last night during Glee and went: WUT?

A woman is in an electronics store looking at the Sony deal and goes: "Can I read a lot of books on this?" You see the device for, truly, half a second. Now, we all know what an eBook reader is, it's like a Kindle. Anyone who DOESN'T know that sure as hell needs to see it for more than half a second. Any one who knows it's like a Kindle wants to know "Why is it different than a Kindle, which is much better known and why should I buy yours instead?"

Suddenly the wall opens and an interview panel appears featuring:

Amy Sedaris, Justin Timberlake, Peyton Manning, and someone I don't recognise.
Oh it's going to be funny and they're each going to tell me something neat!

Amy says: "Why yes! You can read hundreds of books - including mine!" holds up book. - funniness rating: D
Guy on end says: "I'm (didn't catch name) professional speed reader - HUNDREDS of books! [pause] I just read one now!" - funniness rating: F
Justin Timberlake: "Me too!...No, I didn't." funniness rating: C+, barely
Peyton Manning: DOES NOT HAVE A LINE - why is he there?!

End of commercial. So, Sony eBook Reader is a device you can read books on (which I already knew from the name), that you have no desire to show me, and you have hired 3 celebrities and a nobody to tell me nothing about (one of them LITERALLY nothing.)

[anya marie]

There's a commercial for Febreze, or, perhaps, some other air freshener type product that really bugs me. A mother comes in to tell her teenage son to clean up because he's going to have guest arriving. She ends up using the product on the furniture in his room before his two guest, teenage girls, arrive.

That's completely gross. Wash your stuff, and quit filling the air with chemicals, because honestly i just want to slap that kid AND his mom.

There is a tide commecial with a black father and son, and the kid's just gotten out of his bath and the music "taaaaaaake meee hooooooomme too maaaahhh familyyyyy" is excessively saccarine, and just makes me want to barf.

Just take the disgusting sticky, stinky, icky trash out, ya lazy stupid whiny cow, and here's a quarter not only for another bag but for you to CHOKE ON IT.

Freecreditreport guy gets to be hit with his own guitar for merely existing.

[xnylder]

Another new commercial: "Here's a surprise: Canada Dry Ginger Ale is made with real ginger!" Gee, considering that I can buy ginger for about a dollar a pound retail, and considering that a little ginger can flavor a whole lot of beverage, why should I be surprised you're using the real thing? It's dirt cheap!

[Crowbar of Irony +3]

As an addendum to my last post, I found this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fu9raarNsg) Brawny commercial, which shows the kid helping mom clean up the messes they made. Yay Brawny! :)

Really, I would be hard pressed to find a mum who wouldn't be the slightly mad at all the mess - never mind laughing while cleaning it all up. 20 years back my mum would have caned me for causing so much trouble for her (Southeast Asian context here)

[ianzin]

I hate that ad for OnlineBootyCall.com with the two guys in a club; one of them's date is a 'nice' gal he met on Match.com and the other fella has a skankasaurus from Onilne Booty Call.

The mesage seems to be that "all men want a sleazy, STD-ridden slutpuppy who'll fuck the socks of any random dude she meets on the internet". I can't decide which is creepier; that the one guy is actually kissing the skank without a tongue condom of some sort —which is tantamount to sucking off an entire Star Wars chatroom by proxy— or that the second guy seems envious. Just to say... one of the best-written posts I've seen around here in a long time. And I agree with the sentiment 100%.

[Jman]

Really, I would be hard pressed to find a mum who wouldn't be the slightly mad at all the mess - never mind laughing while cleaning it all up. 20 years back my mum would have caned me for causing so much trouble for her (Southeast Asian context here)

I can see it. Now, many of these kids are old enough to know better, and the mom should know whether their kid is ready or not to handle some of the things that make these messes, but my daughter has messed stuff up, or dropped a container and scattered cheerios all over the place, or cracked her sippy cup and sprayed juice all over the floor. And, at first, I might be a bit peeved, but then she gives me this 'Oh my GOSH it broke!" look that just makes me laugh, and it's hard not to smile at it. (I try and hide it if it was something she really did wrong, as I don't want her to know I think it's kind of funny, but sometimes it's hard)

[voguevixen]

You do have the utterly fantastic Sarah Haskins! Target Women: Doofy Husbands (http://current.com/items/90569059_sarah-haskins-in-target-women-doofy-husbands.htm)

GOLD!

[KSO]

Another vote for the wretched Febreze commercial. Just wash the sheets, the curtains, and the skanky ass dirty clothes.

Also the new ad for Bisquick, where the mother rousts her kids out of bed to make pancakes. Look, Bisquick pancakes are one step removed from microwave pancakes. Stop pretending they're something special.

[Carmady]

The Mastercard "priceless" commercials cause me great pain. They are an assault on logic. The initial formula made sense (various items you can buy with Mastercard, then a "priceless" feeling you will have afterward) but then they started running ads with only the abstract stuff and nothing you would buy with Mastercard.

Abstract feeling 1: Zero dollars.
Abstract feeling 2: Zero dollars.
Abstract feeling 3: Priceless.

"Zero dollars" means the same thing as "priceless" in this context. You don't need a Mastercard for something that costs zero dollars. Aughh!

[gigi]

Speaking of incompetent husbands ones, I hate the one where he sets up a ladder and then has to be sucked in by the super-powerful vacuum they're selling, to keep from falling backward.

"Thanks, hon. I'll call a handyman." Um, no, just go back and reset your ladder correctly. And climb the ladder with some actual tools this time. :rolleyes:

[elfkin477]

For myself, I just want to stab the Restasis doctor (who, apparently, really is a doctor) in both her creepy eyes.I hate this commercial too, and not just because of her creepy eyes. No, what bothers me is the doctor asks the patient a couple of questions and diagnoses her with chronic dry eye, promising to write her a precription - and only THEN bothers to examine the patient. If you're going to write her a precription and are sure enough already to tell her what's wrong, why would you look at her eyes after that? If they'd left out the examination going on while talking about side effects, it'd be a lot less annoying.

[gigi]

My mom has something going on with her eyes where they dry out and her (spoiled for ooginess) corneas rip off and as soon as she mentioned it I said "Restasis!" Apparently her doc also suffers but doesn't recommend Restasis since it takes months to work and essential is an irritant to make one's eyes water. So instead it's drops, gooey ointment, and moistened goggles at night.

[KneadToKnow]

what bothers me is the doctor asks the patient a couple of questions and diagnoses her with chronic dry eye

And what a q & a they have, too!

"Doctor, here's the thing. I've been using eye drops a lot."
"For how long?"
"Quite some time."
"I'm writing you a prescription."
"A prescription? What is it?"

Notice that the patient asks twice as many questions as the doctor does.

My girlfriend and I actually have alternate dialogue for that commercial:

"Doctor, here's the thing. I've been sleeping with your husband."
"For how long?"
"Quite some time."
"I'm writing you a prescription."
"A prescription? What is it?"
"Probably a nasty little case of gonorrhea, unless he got that taken care of."

[Finagle]

I find the Windows 7 commercials with cute little girl Kylie to be fairly unlikely (not to mention dangerous to those lacking in insulin production). Imagine a 6 year old who reads the reviews of the Windows 7 operating system and attaches them to professionally done (but gag-inducing) clip art. Who is Microsoft targeting with these ads? Are the legions of companies that decided not to upgrade to Vista going to be swayed by clip art of unicorns and puppies?


Another commerical I saw last night. A mother and her daughter are hurrying down a street (voice over: "You try to keep active.") They arrive at a curb with a sizable puddle. The kid leaps over the puddle but the mom hesitates. And for good reason, she's wearing stiletto high heels. (Voice over: "Even at 30, you can be losing calcium from your bones. So eat Yoplait yogurt.") Mom gathers her courage and leaps across the puddle. No doubt because she has been downing quarts of Yoplait, her ankles don't shatter like glass when she comes down on her three inch heels. I'm guessing that if you really want to stay active, your best bet is not to wear ridiculous footwear while running errands in the city.

[BiblioCat]

There's one for some brand of fish sticks that I hadn't seen in a while, but did see again last night. It makes my blood boil.

A little girl takes a bite of the inferior product that her mom serves her and starts berating poor Mom. "Minced fish?!? You serve me minced fish?"
Cut to mom setting down a plate of the advertised brand, saying, "Here you go, honey. *Brand A* fish sticks, never minced!"
Little girl takes a bite and says, "That's more like it!"

I'm positive they're related to the pizza-ordering mom with the "pie-ella" hating son.

[Wile E]

And what a q & a they have, too!

"Doctor, here's the thing. I've been using eye drops a lot."
"For how long?"
"Quite some time."
"I'm writing you a prescription."
"A prescription? What is it?"

Notice that the patient asks twice as many questions as the doctor does.

My girlfriend and I actually have alternate dialogue for that commercial:

"Doctor, here's the thing. I've been sleeping with your husband."
"For how long?"
"Quite some time."
"I'm writing you a prescription."
"A prescription? What is it?"
"Probably a nasty little case of gonorrhea, unless he got that taken care of."

In my head I hear this dialog;
"I'm going to write you a prescription"
"A prescription? What is it?"
"It's a piece of paper I write medications on, but that's not important right now."

[Sigmagirl]

Ah! You've been reading my rant (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11331742&postcount=126) from July 12!

[Runestar]

There's an ad for a car company - I think it's Toyota - where a mother is covering her young son with every possible piece of protective sports gear you can think of. Catcher's chest protector, hockey pads, football helmet, etc. Heck, for all I know there's a kevlar bulletproof vest and a full set of plate armor buried in there.

Finally she hands him a tennis racket and he staggers off camera. The voiceover says "We know -- you can't be too protective."

I always want to scream back at the television "Yes you can be too careful! That's the whole problem with so many parents these days!"

[SSgtBaloo]

If she is so competent, why is she with such a loser?

Silly! That's because ALL MEN ARE DOOFUSES! ;)

And I am repelled by cartoon bears selling toilet paper. I make it a point to NOT buy that brand.

I have reached that awkward age where I actually have a favorite toilet paper. I tolerate the bears, because I know that they do defacate in the woods, but wouldn't grasp the function of toilet paper without a lot of evolution taking place beforehand.

What I want to see is a commercial that starts like one of those and turns into a commercial for a firearms training course as the late burglar is body-bagged and hauled off.

You made me laugh. Out loud. In a library. Full! Of! Win!

[singular1]

I has just become aware of the stroke-faced woman in the Eyelash-Growing Medicine that Brooke Shields hawks. (Eyelash-growing? Really? This is a problem?) There's a blond near the end of that commercial about to blow out candles on a birthday cake - although if the medicine works that well, couldn't she just bat her eyes at the cake and the breeze would extinguish the flame? Just as she gets ready to blow, she shapes her mouth into what I assume was supposed to be O but actually turns out to be D (turned backwards) - only half her mouth moves! Now I can't unsee it. I watch The View in the morning on Hulu, and they show this freaking commercial every freakin' day. Drives me nurtz, I tells ya!

[Ferret Herder]

I has just become aware of the stroke-faced woman in the Eyelash-Growing Medicine that Brooke Shields hawks. (Eyelash-growing? Really? This is a problem?)
Well, it's like how Botox is now used for cosmetic reasons and not just medically-based treatments for various muscle conditions. They found that some glaucoma-treating eyedrops had eyelash growth as a side effect, so time to write up a proposal, present it to the FDA, test, and presto, new 'cosmetic' prescription drug.

[Cyberhwk]

That stupid commercial for the sliding door thing that prevents drafts.

The lady bends down to pick up the "leading brand" bean bag to place it back against the door and then puts her hand on her back like she hurt it. WTF are you bending down for? JUST KICK THE FUCKER BACK AGAINST THE DOOR YOU DUMB BITCH!

[elfkin477]

I has just become aware of the stroke-faced woman in the Eyelash-Growing Medicine that Brooke Shields hawks. (Eyelash-growing? Really? This is a problem?) The very best thing about this commerical is listening to all the scary side-effects...and knowing that the FDA just slammed the company (http://industry.bnet.com/pharma/10004342/allergan-gets-warning-letter-on-latisse-over-too-small-risk-info/) for downplaying the adverse risks. And here before reading that I already couldn't think of a stupider drug with as serious side effects...

[Serenata67]

...but the Sony eBooks Reader commercial is the worst commercial of all time - ALL TIME!

I just saw this last night during Glee and went: WUT?

A woman is in an electronics store looking at the Sony deal and goes: "Can I read a lot of books on this?" You see the device for, truly, half a second. Now, we all know what an eBook reader is, it's like a Kindle. Anyone who DOESN'T know that sure as hell needs to see it for more than half a second. Any one who knows it's like a Kindle wants to know "Why is it different than a Kindle, which is much better known and why should I buy yours instead?"

Suddenly the wall opens and an interview panel appears featuring:

Amy Sedaris, Justin Timberlake, Peyton Manning, and someone I don't recognise.
Oh it's going to be funny and they're each going to tell me something neat!
...

While I was not super fond of this commercial in particular, I did like the one with Justin Timberlake kicking Peyton's butt at ping pong.

I find the Windows 7 commercials with cute little girl Kylie to be fairly unlikely (not to mention dangerous to those lacking in insulin production). Imagine a 6 year old who reads the reviews of the Windows 7 operating system and attaches them to professionally done (but gag-inducing) clip art. Who is Microsoft targeting with these ads? Are the legions of companies that decided not to upgrade to Vista going to be swayed by clip art of unicorns and puppies?...

I'm so with you on that one. She's cute and entertaining and all, but honestly. What are they planning on accomplishing with this marketing scheme?

[drastic_quench]

I'm so with you on that one. She's cute and entertaining and all, but honestly. What are they planning on accomplishing with this marketing scheme?
A huge chunk of the LOLcat loving, posting-kittens-n-puppies on youtube, and random-equals-funny types that make up "the Internet". In that respect, I was surprised by how calculated their appeal was.

[Death of Rats]

I'm so with you on that one. She's cute and entertaining and all, but honestly. What are they planning on accomplishing with this marketing scheme?

Ummm... they are combining cuteness of little girl with demonstrating the ease in which a 7 year old can produce content using Windows 7? Seems pretty standard marketing stuff to showcase the idea that Windows is for everybody while implying that Mac is for elitist snobs like Justin Long. In at least one ad she even did the "I'm a PC" line.

[Jman]

Not to mention it displays the near unanimous praise of the early release of Windows 7. (And, having the release candidate installed on my main machine for 6 months, I happen to agree with the reviews...it's the best OS Microsoft has ever made, by far.)

[simster]

I'm so with you on that one. She's cute and entertaining and all, but honestly. What are they planning on accomplishing with this marketing scheme?

Making old people feel even more out of touch when they sit down to the computer.

[Lanzy]

I don't think it's stupid at all. If you don't add the tag line, people who know that a) phone numbers have seven digits, and b) don't know how to spell "mattress," might be inclined to think the number is 1-800-MATRESS.

I'd wager that this very problem is what caused them to start adding that line in the first place.

I've always wondered about leaving off the savings as a good idea.

[amarinth]

There's a Levi's commercial that I've seen twice now that scares the living crap out of me.

It's got weird, scratchy music, shaky camera work on black-and-white film, and subtitles scrawled across the bottom by someone who can barely hold a pen. The first time I saw it I thought it was for some dystopian, post-apocalyptic horror movie and then the "Levi's" logo appeared. It doesn't make me want to buy jeans. It makes me want to crawl into a concrete bunker until the radiation levels go down.

I'm obviously not their target audience.

[Antinor01]

Other commercial people I should hate but don't-- Enzyte Bob (can't help it, he cracks me up) and Vince the Shamwow Guy.

Shamwow guy, I hate two of his commercials.

1. The 'remixed' slapchop commercial. It's the basic commercial but it's supposed to be like a technoish remix, with them repeating sections over and over. Everytime he says 'slap your troubles away' I just want to slap him and see if he goes away.

2. The shamwow commercial. 'Buy a shamwow because you're going to spend 20 dollars a month on paper towels anyway!" Who in hell spends 20 bucks a month on paper towels? I doubt we've spent that in the last 3 years.

[Serenata67]

Making old people feel even more out of touch when they sit down to the computer.

That's it!

[voguevixen]

Who in hell spends 20 bucks a month on paper towels?

The dumb dads/husbands in the other paper towel commercials who can't cook and knock over the pasta sauce and let the kids spill a whole jug of orange juice and leave it for the mom/wife to clean up when she gets back from SHOPPING!!!

[TBG]

There's a Levi's commercial that I've seen twice now that scares the living crap out of me.

It's got weird, scratchy music, shaky camera work on black-and-white film, and subtitles scrawled across the bottom by someone who can barely hold a pen. The first time I saw it I thought it was for some dystopian, post-apocalyptic horror movie and then the "Levi's" logo appeared. It doesn't make me want to buy jeans. It makes me want to crawl into a concrete bunker until the radiation levels go down.

I'm obviously not their target audience.

I know, I thought it was for some apocalyptic show/movie.

Maybe they mean to imply they're the cockroaches of jeans? They'll even survive armageddon!

[Gala Matrix Fire]

I also love the AT&T rollover minutes mom. Very realistic.

Any commercial where a little brat is shown making a complete mess, followed by the parent (often the mother) cheerfully cleaning it up.
So very much yes!

Clorox has a commercial trying to make doing the laundry seem like a sacred trust handed down from your foremothers to you, but only if you're female. It's kind of like the "Mom, do you ever get that not-so-fresh feeling?" commercial for a bleach. We can only speculate that the reason women do the laundry is that the husbands are too doofy. Either that or women just love doing menial work for their families so much that they insist that only they should handle the family's soiled undies.

[voguevixen]

There's a whole series of creepy radio adverts to tie into the Levi's TV commercials. Like, I can't remember it off the top of my head but it's like some avant garde thing about how they got grass stains by twining together rolling down a hill that makes you want to drive off the road into a telephone pole to not have to listen to it anymore.

[kaylasdad99]

The romantic grass stains one is bad enough, but the greasy motorcycle maintenance one just makes no sense at all.

[meenie7]

2. The shamwow commercial. 'Buy a shamwow because you're going to spend 20 dollars a month on paper towels anyway!" Who in hell spends 20 bucks a month on paper towels? I doubt we've spent that in the last 3 years.

Not that the ShamWow is good or anything, but my parents have three puppies, and they spend about $15 to $18 on paper towels every week. :P

[Patty O'Furniture]

I hate the go daddy ad where some presumably hot chick is pulled over by a presumably hot police chick who then identifies her as the go daddy girl, whatever that is. Says the police chick:

I love go daddy domain names!

And it looks for a moment like she might be having multiple orgasms while licking her lips and fantasizing about domain names that reside with a particular internet domain registrar. But then again who doesn't get wet thinking about that?

She then starts ripping off her clothes and the commercial abruptly ends, suggesting that you go to the go daddy web site to see what happens next.

Hey everybody, come see some hot girl-on-girl action so that go daddy dot com can get a page hit!

my parents have three puppies, and they spend about $15 to $18 on paper towels every week.

That's like two rolls of paper towels per day. Picking up dog doots must be a full time job at mom & dad's place.

[Speak to me Maddie!]

Put me in the pro AT&T Rollover Mom camp too. Mom wins over snarky teenagers every time. But what really got me liking the series is the latest commercial, where the Dad wastes minutes by giving them to the dog. When Rollover Mom finds sees this she *gasp* doesn't act bitchy to her husband. In fact she is pretty sweet towards him. Finally a commercial in which a woman seems to actually love and respect her husband. She actually behaves differently towards him than she does her children. We know she is capable of complete full-on bitch mode, yet she exhibits restraint when interacting with her husband, even when she is upset with his behavior.

[Speak to me Maddie!]

My most hated commercials right now are the Toyota spots with that faux-folksy version of Let Your Love Flow and the cheery-cheeked enthusiastic white people prancing around in asparagus costumes worshiping a Prius. Its all so nauseatingly twee and cutesy and smug. I think the Prius is a fine car, but goddamn that commercial makes me want to punch the teeth out of anyone who owns one, just by guilt through association.

[Oslo Ostragoth]

And it looks for a moment like she might be having multiple orgasms while licking her lips and fantasizing about domain names that reside with a particular internet domain registrar. But then again who doesn't get wet thinking about that?

She then starts ripping off her clothes and the commercial abruptly ends, suggesting that you go to the go daddy web site to see what happens next.

Here ya go (http://videos.godaddy.com/godaddy_media.aspx)!

[CT_Damsel]

<snip>
Maybe it got to me so bad because I had to watch it every ten minutes while watching a season's worth of TV shows on Hulu.

Ah yes the Hulu commercials.

I do not receive any TV signals (antenna or cable) since January and I just found Hulu.

I was subjected to two Brooke Shields commercials:

one telling me over and over and . . . about how to get thicker longer lashes WITH A PRESCRIPTION!

one about toothpaste (ha ha I forgot the brand.)

I did not have any opinion about Brooke prior to the commercial but now I want to smash her face in.

Also from memories of TV I dislike:

the old plastic looking faced man who wants me to go to 6Flags while dancing about to some music dynamite would not get out of my head.

any commercial about feminine products.

any commercial with some hotty laying on a bed just about to make a call to a "friends line" "cause thats where all the best guys are."

Ditto everyone on the bears using TP

[Stoid]

My current most hated commercial is for some credit card or another.

You've got your run-of-the-mill hottie commercial wife flouncing into the living room wearing some fancy-schmancy dress. She models it for her run-of-the-mill doofus commercial husband who is duly impressed and he goes off on a flight of fancy about where he could sweep his wife off to and where they should spend all the credit card points they've collected ... Florence? Rome? Venice? Where should we go honey?

As it turns out, they can't use their points for a European vacation, because sweet-ums has spent it all on a dress. At this point the husband smiles. The end. Use our credit card.

On what effing planet is this going on? Because here on earth, hubby is still yelling, sweet-ums is filing for restraining orders, and there's $3,000 dress in shreds hanging from a back yard tree.


Beat me to it. My jaw hit the floor.

[Sigmagirl]

I don't really mind the Bush Baked Beans with Duke the Dog; I don't buy canned beans, but I'm a sucker for dogs, and so I think they're kind of cute, really. But this latest one, they've got Duke at a college football game interviewing tailgaters about what kind of baked beans they're eating, and in the background is a faint marching band to make it sound ever so collegiate. And what is the band playing? On, Wisconsin? Across the Field? Tiger Rag?

Why, no! It's Gesù Bambino, an Italian Christmas carol.

What the fuck?

[SSgtBaloo]

<snip!>

That's like two rolls of paper towels per day. Picking up dog doots must be a full time job at mom & dad's place.

Sounds like they're feeding the puppies too much laxative. Cut it out!

[TBG]

The one where celebs are handing an iphone or something around, and it changes to suit each celeb. Yeah, knowing Whoopi's background is her as Dracula is really gonna make me want to buy one...

[voguevixen]

The one where celebs are handing an iphone or something around, and it changes to suit each celeb. Yeah, knowing Whoopi's background is her as Dracula is really gonna make me want to buy one...

It's the world's least convincing commercial too because this product is supposedly all personal and made for them, like they can't live without it, and yet each one handles it like the first time they've ever touched it and it's made of unicorn tears and costs a hundred trillion dollars. They glance furtively at the camera like "Now? Ok - this? Pass it...now? Ok, PHEW now it's THEIR problem."

[Kolga]

There's a Levi's commercial that I've seen twice now that scares the living crap out of me.

It's got weird, scratchy music, shaky camera work on black-and-white film, and subtitles scrawled across the bottom by someone who can barely hold a pen. The first time I saw it I thought it was for some dystopian, post-apocalyptic horror movie and then the "Levi's" logo appeared. It doesn't make me want to buy jeans. It makes me want to crawl into a concrete bunker until the radiation levels go down.

I'm obviously not their target audience.

It's Walt Whitman reading from his poem "America," the recording of which was apparently preserved on wax cylinder. I think that part's cool as hell, but I agree that the commercial itself sucks.