Calvinball Will Never Die - The Abilities Thread

[Totoro]

Apparently, one of my Newb tasks is complete calvinball, So here it goes!

Teams: In astonishing [b]BOLD!
TEAM CALVIN:
LurkerNoMore
Gadarene
Rysdad
ThinkSnow
SpinneZiege
snac
Girl Next Door
Screech-Owl
RunDogRun
Wolverine
Deacon's Trucked
Dr. Pinky
WyldElf
Nymysys

TEAM HOBBES:
Guinastasia
DPR (The Interesting Guy I Can't Seem To Meet!)
BlackClaw
Orion007
Kat
BagKitty
CykRider
Balance
Capacitor
Absoul
Turpentine
Spider Woman (Co-Captain)
Stupendous Man
Digital Muse
Tygr (Captain)


REFS: Iampunha, Idiotboy, and (because no one else will), me, Totoro.

Now post your abilities. Go forth my monkeys! HA HA HA

Oh, and the games location: The Straight Dope HQ. Try not to annoy Cecil, he's working.

[Totoro]

I forgot to end the bold... stupid, stupid, stupid!

[SpinneZiege]

Ok, as mentioned before, I will be the Caffeinated Water Boy. I have the ability to chemically stimulate anyone who would like it (including myself). Once stimulated in this way, the player can accomplish multiple tasks per round, like Brian Boytano.

What would Brian Boitano do, if he was here right now?
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through
That's what Brian Boitano'd do

When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics
Skating for the gold
He did two salchows and a triple lutz
While wearing a blindfold

When Brian Boitano was in the Alps
Fighting grizzly bears
He used his magical fire breath
And saved the maidens fair

When Brian Boitano traveled through time to the year 3010
He fought the evil robot king
And saved the human race again

So, what would Brian Boitano do if he were here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two
That's what Brian Boitano'd do

[thinksnow]

I have the ability to activate every bug in a beta-version at once. I can also re-introduce bugs, or remove the fixes for them at will.

You will all fail! You cannot count on your equipment and youwill lose!

[cykrider]

I have the ability to seduce all females with a single glimpse. That includes on my team and the opponents team. Once under my control...err umm, totally head over heels for me, they will do all the dirty work and I'll get all of the glory. Oh, and I have no faults, my ego's in check, and my head isn't going to explode, I'm perfeckt. Oh wait, that's pirfectt..no wait....

[Spider Woman]

I want to retain my spider abilities, as demonstrated in this (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=37646&pagenumber=1) thread.

This would include my tribe of spider babies, my ability to climb, weave webs and stick people together, and other spider type abilities (I think this arachnid thing is going to my head).

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[dpr]

What if I don't want to reveal my ability until the game? Bring it forth during a crucial moment and ensure world domination for my team!!!

And cykrider what kind of ability is that?? Who would want to be able to control slimy girls? Eeeeeeeewwwwwww. You'll get cooties....

And it's nice to kind of meet you Totoro, though I fear I may not be as interesting as you seem to envisage.

~~~~~~~~~~~
1926: Woonie the Pooh first published (AA Milne of course), Heisenberg formulates his uncertainty principle (you either know or you don’t but it’s a fave of mine), Abe Saperstein created the Harlem Globetrotters, an all-black player basketball entertainment team, Spain threatens to quit the League of Nations if Germany is allowed to join, Born: Harper Lee, Marilyn Monroe, Hugh Hefner, Mel Brooks Died: Rudolph Valentino (peritonitis), Harry Houdini (gangrene and peritonitis resulting from a ruptured appendix)

[Gadarene]

I have the ability to temporarily change someone else's ability to something of my choosing. This new ability will last several posts, and then the person can go back to their old ability. So don't mess with me, or I'll give you the spectacular skill of being able to sing every Broadway tune perfectly on-key!

[fierra]

Originally posted by Gadarene
I have the ability to temporarily change someone else's ability to something of my choosing. This new ability will last several posts, and then the person can go back to their old ability. So don't mess with me, or I'll give you the spectacular skill of being able to sing every Broadway tune perfectly on-key!
aaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhh!!!! the horror, the horror!

So glad I'm not playing, but can you issue the readers with earplugs?

[screech-owl]

Originally posted by Gadarene
...So don't mess with me, or I'll give you the spectacular skill of being able to sing every Broadway tune perfectly on-key!

::mulls over many ways to mess with Gadarene::
I always wanted to sing Broadway stuff. :D

I for one will have the ability to break any piece of mechanical equipment I am in contact with. Oh wait, I do that in real life.

Okay, then I can bat my really large sad eyes at anyone and instantly make the ref (or anyone on the other team) instantly forget that flagrant rule violation I just committed.

:: practices ::

bat bat bat bat
shy smile



Spider Woman, that is so cool! Aaah, wait, you're not on my team!

::note to self - annoy Gadarene, but don't piss off Spider Woman!::

[SPOOFE]

As a spectator, I have the inherent ability to intrude on the game whenever the hell I damn well please, for whatever side I damn well please, in any manner I damn well please.

If and when I do intrude, I have the ability to stick both feet up my nose. Not very useful, no, but fun.

[Blackclaw]

I have the ability to transmorgfy into a T-Rex. However, my actually size doesn't change so I'm a very short T-rex. Also my arms grow too small to actually hold the Calvin Ball anymore. I can however bite whoever is holding it causing them to drop it.

[lurkernomore]

I can raise my hand and deflect thrown/shot objects where I please.

[rundogrun]

I have time travel underwear, capable of moving me forwards or backwards in time.

Let me demonstrate...I just traveled back in time to hide these water balloons.

::SPLOOSH!!::
::SPLOOSH!!::

heh, heh, heh.

[Tygr]

My abilities spring (hooo - BAD pun! Down, boy!) from the amminals my name is inspired by:

-Bouncy, pouncy, flouncy, trouncy (fun, fun, fun, fun, FUN!)
-Able to go from seemingly comatose to FULL POUNCE instantaneously
-Carnivorous
-"MY fuzzy mittens have pads!"
-Two words: "I'm HOOOOMMMEEEEAAAAAGHHH!"
-Will come up with the perfectly apropos 'wry comment' for any situation/utterance or, if I'm in the other persona, do something ridiculously silly and in-apropos.

Not to mention I'm the COOLEST lookin' large Asian feline around...

[Turpentine]

Oh goody! I get to be on Stupendous Man's team!

As i said before, my ability-

I'm a taxidermist. I can bring dead animals back to life. This should prove useful in re-animating all of Spiderwoman's fearsome spiderlings.

[idiotboy]

Hmmmm...can refs have special abilities, too?! :D

[orion007]

I have the Transmogrification gun!

[Wolverine]

I have the ability of teleportation. This includes teleporting objects with me. (I want clothes) The max weight is 1000 lbs. so I can teleport me and 4 other people. As long as the ball doesn't get too large, I can teleport that with me as well.

[Guinastasia]

I have the ability to become invisible, and thus hide and trip up people!

[Totoro]

Idiotboy, we're the refs, we have any ability we want! HA HA HA *Cough* er... We can do anything we want... Ever wish you were god, well we are..


[b]IN THIS WORLD! HA HA HA! [/b}





Oops, power trip...

[SSgtBaloo]

Well, since I'm not on either team, I suppose I'll be running the peanuts-and-beer concession.

*Munch!* Munch!* Munch!*

*Glug!* *Glug!* *Glug!*

*UUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrp!

'Scuse me!

Hmmmm.... Looks like I'd better restock my cart. Back in a mo'!

~~Baloo

[Totoro]

What the heck is my problem with bold in this thread?

Sheesh!

[Spider Woman]

Reanimate my spiderlings? Does this mean my babies might die?

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screech-owl, I believe Gadarene is on your team, which is sad. Because I would like to hear you sing Broadway stuff too. I'd even clap all for sets of hand-like things; no wait, how would I then stand? No standing ovations I guess.

[screech-owl]

Awgeez, you're right. Gadarene IS on my team.

[note to self: purchase the PHONICS game]

Or maybe, I can switch teams when no one is looking!!! Yeah! That's it!!!

bat bat bat bat bat

[Tygr]

No, WAIT! I mean defec-ting! :)

Boy, that's a relief, having her on OUR side! Ms. Owl, I was terrified of your ability - I was certain I'd never be able to perform my Captaincy duties if you turned those hazel orbs with their long demure lashes in MY direction.

...and besides, you belong here 'coz WE don't think girls are slimy. Yow-wow, Muchas smoochas!

[Totoro]

Would people warn other people in the game that it's not over, and the abilities thread IS up, and we will run it? Because I'm lazy, and it's so much easier to have other people do it.

"Can't Someone Else Do It?"

[wyldelf]

aaahhh haaaa a fiendishly derived plan to eliminate the opponent comes to mind. However it is also top secret so I must decline from posting my special ability here.


Mouhahahahahahah!!!! [insert manical laughter here]

you will see.......
:D :D :D

[screech-owl]

Sorry, Tygr, I am on Calvin's team*. Something about those Snow Goons......captivating.

You're Captain?!

**
I just LOOOOVE a feline in uniform!



Anyone got the original cast recording to Carrie?
::leaves to brush up on Broadway showtunes::



*for now hehehehehe
**as best as an owl can purr

[Dr.Pinky]

I have the ability to turn myself 2 dimensional.

That's it. Lame, but there you have it.

I AM 2-D BOY!

[Balance]

I can nullify any one ability of any one other player at any given time (including mundane abilities, like running or scoring). This works as an instantaneous counter (just in case Gadarene gets any funny ideas), but I have to release whoever I'm nullifying to switch to someone else. Heheheh--I can ruin anybody's fun! Just not everyone's at once....

BTW, I'm preemptively nullifying thinksnow's ability until further notice. See how your computers aren't crashing?

[Spider Woman]

to the Calvinball Teams (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=1021773#post1021773) thread.

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[Tommy the Cat]

Originally posted by Baloo
Well, since I'm not on either team, I suppose I'll be running the peanuts-and-beer concession.

Hmmmm.... Looks like I'd better restock my cart. Back in a mo'!

Hey Baloo! I need a couple of beers up here. I'll take some peanuts and some hot dogs if you've got 'em. When does this game get started, anyways? We're getting a little bored up here in the stands.

There aren't even any cheerleaders to ogle.

" _ _ " _ _ " _ _ " _ _ " trying to start my own "wave"

[Totoro]

Originally posted by Balance
I can nullify any one ability of any one other player at any given time (including mundane abilities, like running or scoring). This works as an instantaneous counter (just in case Gadarene gets any funny ideas), but I have to release whoever I'm nullifying to switch to someone else. Heheheh--I can ruin anybody's fun! Just not everyone's at once....

BTW, I'm preemptively nullifying thinksnow's ability until further notice. See how your computers aren't crashing?

I don't know whether or not to ask you to change that ability... It'd be fun to watch others fail miserably...

I'll allow it... on one condtion... the next time you boink your old lady, you make her call you Totoro.

[Kat]

My special ability is the...um...ability to switch two other players' special abilities.

I think this might need to have a limitation on it, but would it be more fair to have a post limit (lasts until the affected players have each posted X times) or a time limit?

[bagkitty]

Poor Bagkitty, only two small abilities:

1) ability to regurgitate hairballs with a unerring aim, useful for blinding opponents

2) ability to shed body hair at will, a surprisingly slippery substance which trips up my opponents

beware the hirsute bagkitty

[idiotboy]

Ok, I guess I'm clear on what I can do as a ref...Is there anything I can't do? :D What limitations are there?

[Totoro]

Uh... no. We can do anything we deem fit. However, try not to be unfair... too much.

[Wolverine]

TEAM CALVIN:
LurkerNoMore - deflect thrown/shot objects where I please
Gadarene - temporarily change someone else's ability
Rysdad
ThinkSnow - activate every bug in a beta-version
SpinneZiege - Caffeinated Water Boy
snac
Girl Next Door
Screech-Owl - bat my really large sad eyes at anyone and instantly make the ref (or anyone on the other team) instantly forget that flagrant rule violation I just committed.
RunDogRun - time travel underwear
Wolverine - Teleportation
Deacon's Trucked
Dr. Pinky - the ability to turn myself 2 dimensional
WyldElf - decline from posting my special ability here
Nymysys

Still need 5 more abilities


TEAM HOBBES:
Guinastasia - to become invisible
DPR (The Interesting Guy I Can't Seem To Meet!) - Unknown
BlackClaw - transmorgfy into a T-Rex
Orion007 - the Transmogrification gun
Kat - ability to switch two other players' special abilities
BagKitty - 1) ability to regurgitate hairballs with a unerring aim, useful for blinding opponents
2) ability to shed body hair at will, a surprisingly slippery substance which trips up my opponents
CykRider - seduce all females with a single glimpse
Balance - nullify any one ability of any one other player at any given time
Capacitor
Absoul
Turpentine - bring dead animals back to life
Spider Woman (Co-Captain)- spider abilities, as demonstrated in this thread
Stupendous Man
Digital Muse
Tygr (Captain) - Mix Tigger & Hobbes in equal parts, stir vigorously

Still need 4 more abilities

[Totoro]

Remember people!

Brown nosing gets you nowhere... (Yeah, right!)

So, uh, who's your god?







That's right... me...

[Balance]

Originally posted by Totoro
I don't know whether or not to ask you to change that ability... It'd be fun to watch others fail miserably...


I plan to use it creatively, but in a limited fashion--obvious causality problems or too many posts between the target and my response will keep it from working. Maybe it will inspire <gasp>strategy</gasp> from our opponents.

As for your condition...normally I don't boink old ladies, but I'll remember it just in case. :)

[orion007]

Originally posted by Balance
I can nullify any one ability of any one other player at any given time (including mundane abilities, like running or scoring). This works as an instantaneous counter (just in case Gadarene gets any funny ideas), but I have to release whoever I'm nullifying to switch to someone else. Heheheh--I can ruin anybody's fun! Just not everyone's at once....

BTW, I'm preemptively nullifying thinksnow's ability until further notice. See how your computers aren't crashing?

Thank God you're on my team ;)

[Totoro]

Hey, unless you get a ability in soon, We'll start the game without you... WARN THE PEOPLE ON YOUR TEAM!

[Totoro]

I'm going to add another REF to the game, because I can. ElusiveMiser gets the ref spot. I hope to increase his post count.

[Totoro]

I'm just posting here to make sure the thread doesnt die. ALright? Alright.

[Spider Woman]

:: practices webbing Totoro's ref whistle closed ::

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Maybe some of the most interesting plays will be made by those who haven't chosen abilities. And since there are no rules in Calvinball, may we allow people to join in who haven't previously signed up, even after the game has started?

When do we start?

I don't always have access to the computer, but I will check as often as I can. Once you start the new thread, could you link it to this one?

If you click on the little vB code (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/index.php?action=bbcode) at the bottom of the page, it will walk you through it. Just copy the site address from the adress bar.

:: webs Totoro shoes together ::

[Totoro]

I'd like to talk with the other refs about when to start the actual game, so if they could stop in every once in a while, that'd be nice...

And thanks SpiderWoman, I hadn't figured out the linking thing yet.

[snac]

I can switch places with any referee, once during the game, or more often if I feel like it and the ref doesn't notice.

Ho ho ho.

[Totoro]

Oooh, that's evil. So evil, in fact, that I'm allowing it...

Heh heh heh... This is what will be called the ultimate backfire by many.

[Wolverine]

[unnecessary bump]

I'm glad snac is on my team.

Nymysys, Deacon's Trucked, Girl Next Door, Rysdad where are you? We'll be starting soon and we need you.

[/unnecessary bump]

[idiotboy]

*Blows Whistle*

Personal Foul on Totoro for allowing abilities which will inhibit a ref's duty of properly officiating a game. If you look in the rulebook pg. 23,814: Chapter 783, Section 4,923, Rule # 9,032, Amendment 63a, Subsections 523 a,b&d, and 527 through 533, it clearly states "Never fuck with a ref!" See, right there!

Oh wait...

*Reads book cover*

Sorry, I was reading the NFL rulebook...

But seriously as I read the ability:

I can switch places with any referee, once during the game, or more often if I feel like it and the ref doesn't notice.

What's with this "Once during the game" or "more often"...well, which is it?! I think once is good and fair. And the way we can do it so it really works, is supply snac with the refs' email addresses, and he can email them, and tell them that he's taking them over and to post what snac wants to do as ref...kind of "remote posting through someone else", ya know what I mean? And we can limit it to, say, a total 10 or 15 "false ref" posts per game. Sound fair? Or maybe if he takes over the ref's body...does the ref then become the player? Interesting idea there, too...Just to make it fair for the refs, too. :)

*Looks up at an empty room...looks at watch*

Where'd everyone go? I wasn't talking that long, was I?

*Leaves...and takes his whistle with him*

[Totoro]

Alright people the game starts TOMORROW!

Better get your abilities in now...

[snac]

Originally posted by idiotboy



[quote]I can switch places with any referee, once during the game, or more often if I feel like it and the ref doesn't notice.

What's with this "Once during the game" or "more often"...well, which is it?! I think once is good and fair. And the way we can do it so it really works, is supply snac with the refs' email addresses, and he can email them, and tell them that he's taking them over and to post what snac wants to do as ref...kind of "remote posting through someone else", ya know what I mean? And we can limit it to, say, a total 10 or 15 "false ref" posts per game. Sound fair? Or maybe if he takes over the ref's body...does the ref then become the player? Interesting idea there, too...Just to make it fair for the refs, too. :)

I become ref and ref takes my position on the field; that's the way I'd figured it anyway.

As for "once" or "more often"--once as a given, without anyone having anything to say about it, and more often assuming I can get away with it. A bit like voting...everybody gets one crack and then you're on your own. [Not that there would be any PENALTY if I tried to exercise this option more than once and someone objected. I hate penalties. Referees take note.]

[Andy]

Ack! AAAACCCKKK!! Here I am! I'm here! Didn't forget about me, did you?

<puff, puff> Okay, lemme catch my breath. Ability, eh? Ummm....Since I wanted to be on Hobbes team (no offense to my present mates meant) I think I'll stick with the kissing ability. I can give anyone and icky girl smooch and freeze them to the spot for five minutes. And, yes, that includes other girls, too.

And, no, I won't let this degenerate into a love-in. Promise. :D

[Nymysys]

GAH! A pox on Andy and his forgetting to change back to me! He'll NEVER use my computer again! NEVER I say!

Okay, above post is me, get it? I have a second ability to change into a limey bastard at will. Can't I have two? The second one is only good for getting drunk very fast and speaking unintelligibly.

::waves at Andy and gives him the finger. Bastard::

[Spider Woman]

Here (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=54861) is the beginning of Calvinball!

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[Blackclaw]

Spiderwoman, Is there a meeting here?

[Spider Woman]

I got knocked off the computer by a teenager! Sorry about the delay!

Hi Blackclaw!

I was hoping if we came to this thead, it would serve as a reminder to all of our friends and allies to come to our assistance at the Calvinball game (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=54861) just down the hall.

Of course, it will also alert the others, but we won't let them into the meeting.

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[Balance]

Are we going to strategize, or just goof off in two threads at once? :)

[Spider Woman]

[The actual strategy was to alert people to the thread by linking the two, but I think since the longer threads are giving the board problems, probably better to stop bumping this one.]

Carry on, brave soldier!

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