Penis Sensitivity

[Quasimodal]

I can't believe I'm asking this on the dope, but you know what, I really need to know.

I've just begun having sex for the first time (27 year old virgin here) and I'm a bit worried. Despite lots of foreplay and rolling around in bed and all of that, I have yet to climax. It seems like work for me, and now it makes me wonder that maybe my penis is not as sensitive as it should be...I have masturbated throughout my life and am actually worried I caused nerve damage. Sometimes I don't feel much around the head of my penis. I have not usually masturbated beyond 2 times a day. Morning and night.

I am sensitive all down the shaft and on the top of the head. The bottom of the head seems to have little sensation until I get right below it and it feels sensitive. I can pinch some of the bottom of the head with little sensation at all...is this normal? The rest seems fine. I am circumcised.

I am worried, did I fuck up my sexual life? Or am I just a rookie?..I felt very relaxed the last time.

:(

[China Guy]

rookie. Look at it this way, you know how to do it yourself, and now that the training wheels are off you have to learn how to reach that point with someone else. Practice makes perfect. ;)

[Malacandra]

You haven't caused nerve damage. It can be quite difficult to go from manual stimulation to vaginal - if you've spent the last ten-fifteen years under the fond impression that a world of mind-blowing sensation awaits you as soon as you get your dick in there, you can find the reality something of a let-down. But you should soon learn which bit of you to rub against which bit of her, and what rhythm and pressure, and to learn to relax and be mentally into it, and lose the anxiety, and...

In time, as with other skills, you will achieve "unconscious competence" - you will go from worrying about how to stay on the bicycle to practising roadcraft and enjoying the view. :)

[Dervorin]

I was a relatively late entrant into the accompanied horizontal mambo category myself, as opposed to a solo performance, and it took a while to learn to adjust to the difference. You'll pick it up as you go along; practice lots (and why wouldn't you? ;)) and you'll soon start to reap the rewards. One thing that I found helps is to refrain from unaccompanied performances - a little frustration goes a long way in sharpening desire and improving results.

[SiXSwordS]

This may be completely unrelated to your situation, but read this column and search for the term Death Grip (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=424590).
Mr. Savage has discussed this issue several times (http://www.portlandmercury.com/columns/savage-love/Content?oid=29413).

That may not have anything at all to do with what you're experiencing, but it was my first thought.

[MyFootsZZZ]

I have the same problem, but I can still where white on my wedding day... Oral's done nothing for me. So either the three women I dated suck at it... or I need to learn to like it. I look at the bright side, maybe I can last longer than the normal guy.

I always thought, for the most part, that women were the only ones that need to be touched 'just right'.

[Jophiel]

Another vote for Rookie. I didn't climax the first handful of times either but all systems were go after that. Are you wearing a condom? That could also make a difference. I'm not saying to stop wearing them but maybe you need to switch up brands/sizes. But even if you're not, I wouldn't sweat it just yet -- you spent probably the better part of two decades telling your penis "This is the stimulus you react to" and now you're throwing something new at it. You didn't break it, it's just new.

[johnpost]

it can take weeks and months to get good at having good sex with a person, especially transitioning from solo. doing solo you develop a style and expectation of sensations.

fucking is different from getting sucked is different from a hand. each takes practice and learning to enjoy. you have your homework assignment.

[MyFootsZZZ]

I find comfort in the fact that I already know me, and thus... it's not SO bad I'm starved of what we're put on this Earth to do. Take THAT ladies!

[Really Not All That Bright]

Personally, I don't find any sort of contact with my penis particularly stimulating other than oral. My climax is based wholly on my partner's reaction during sex, not on the actual physical sensation of intercourse.

If you're using condoms, you may want to try a different brand or size.

Also, try giving the self-flagellation a rest for a few days prior to sex. You may find, in that instance, that you're ready to bust in thirty seconds.

[Chessic Sense]

Definitely rookie. I had this problem (or as I called it, "talent") not only when I was first starting out, but also when we switched to the pill, then to condoms, then to the pill again. I didn't think I'd ever get off with a condom on, but it worked out.

Try not to think of it as a problem right now. Knowing that the issue will resolve itself, enjoy it while it lasts. Right now, you can fuck as hard and long (heh) as you and she want. So she's probably not thinking of you as "the guy who couldn't get off", she's thinking of you as "the guy that can screw for hours". "Multiple-orgasm Giver" is a good title to put on your resume.

[Words on the Interweb]

If you're using condoms, you may want to try a different brand or size.

Especially if it's a little small (the condom, not the penis); if the condom is a snug fit, you may have "cock ring" type effect going on.

[Bam Boo Gut]

snip

Also, try giving the self-flagellation a rest for a few days prior to sex. You may find, in that instance, that you're ready to bust in thirty seconds.

This is what I've heard the boys say. Also - stop wanking :D

Some guys just don't come that frequently through intercourse. I had a boyfriend who didn't release maybe nine times out of ten. He had me making up for it though.

[lindsaybluth]

I'd say it's rookie, or Death Grip. Also, fool around with condom types. If it's too snug, don't hesitate to upgrade to Magnums, and pony up for the ultra-thin ones, regardless of your size.

Congrats, and enjoy! :-) Be sure to give us a full report when things start improving.

[Bam Boo Gut]

snip (or as I called it, "talent")

"gift"

[FleshSword]

You'll be fine. One way to nearly guarantee an orgasm is to stop masturbating a few days before you have sex. Good luck!

[Really Not All That Bright]

Best username/post combo ever.

[Race Harley]

Rookie! Have fun while it lasts! :D

[chaoticbear]

If it makes you feel any better, I've been (fairly promiscuously) sexually active for about 5 years. I can count the number of times I've gotten off from oral sex on one hand.

[kanicbird]

I don't think you 'broke' anything, just have not had the opportunity to have sex, so other things have taken it's function.

You may have linked certain fantasies to sexuality during masturbation, those links have to be broken, or at least acted out. Also you may have subconsciously linked sex/climax to a person, even a celebrity, which also has to be broken.

If you are spiritual I would suggest praying for God to sever any ties to past thoughts/fantasies of sexual partners and if needed practices in thought or acted out (such as bondage, enforced chastity, pain associated with the pleasure of sex, gender reversal fantasies, etc.), if you are not spiritual perhaps try to work out the issues in other ways.

Also I suggest being open with your partner about this, it is very likely you are together to heal, being open with her would give the greatest benefit.

[ZipperJJ]

Also I suggest being open with your partner about this, it is very likely you are together to heal, being open with her would give the greatest benefit.

Yeah, this too. I've been with a guy who just couldn't come unless he was the one doing the stimulation. He was upfront about it. I was fine with it. But I sensed that it really did bother him that he thought it bothered me. And it bothered him, too. I think all of his worry made him worse off.

So stay relaxed, talk with your girl about it, and don't let it spiral into a mental problem that you can't work your way out of.

[ToeJam]

If you are spiritual I would suggest praying for God to sever any ties to past thoughts/fantasies of sexual partners and if needed practices in thought or acted out (such as bondage, enforced chastity, pain associated with the pleasure of sex, gender reversal fantasies, etc.), if you are not spiritual perhaps try to work out the issues in other ways.

I always enjoy seeing you post somewhere that's not a GD/GQ/Pit area of the boards on a topic that I normally don't expect to see you in.
Thanks for the smile.

[FallenAngel]

I'll echo what was said above and add, even if you are feeling relaxed, you may well be uptight about the orgasming part of the process and over-thinking yourself to frustration during the act.

Back in my single days, I had a bit of a hangup with receiving oral. It took several attempts before any given woman could make me climax that way. It felt great, but I was so concerned with the, "Do I come in her mouth, how much advanced warning should I give, what if she stops too soon," etc. etc. I just couldn't relax enough to let loose.

It's kind of a Zen thing - when you stop thinking about it it happens quite naturally.

[control-z]

I have difficulty acheiving orgasm sometimes, and what works for me is what others have mentioned, stop masturbating. Save it as an occasional treat, but otherwise save it for your partner.

[SiXSwordS]

... stop masturbating. Save it as an occasional treat, but otherwise save it for your partner.
Or masturbate with your partner.
I dated a woman for a while who never climaxed through intercourse. She enjoyed "standard" sex and then afterward we would play with her sex toys until she climaxed.

Not always and not every time, but fairly frequently.

[kanicbird]

I always enjoy seeing you post somewhere that's not a GD/GQ/Pit area of the boards on a topic that I normally don't expect to see you in.
Thanks for the smile.

I'm glad I can help, as smiles are important :)

Really I enjoy these too, getting away from the great debates and using what I believe has been given to me in real life.

[Really Not All That Bright]

A sensitive penis? ;)

[Wheelz]

Quasimodal, most of us guys had exactly the opposite problem when we started having sex. :) (In fact, I would have suspected a whoosh if you weren't a longtime and well-known Doper.)
But I think the solution is the same: Relax, you'll get better at it the more you do it.

[SiXSwordS]

Quasimodal, most of us guys had exactly the opposite problem when we started having sex. :)

Yes... immediately after I started. :smack:

[Interconnected Series of Tubes]

Quasimodal, most of us guys had exactly the opposite problem when we started having sex. :) (In fact, I would have suspected a whoosh if you weren't a longtime and well-known Doper.)
But I think the solution is the same: Relax, you'll get better at it the more you do it.

Most? Well, maybe SOME. I ran into a similar difficulty when first making the hand->vagina transition. The biggest problem in my experience is the impossibly hard, fast stroke guys use when things aren't working out (confused? Watch a porno. See the rhythm the male talent uses to achieve orgasm during the money shot?) No way you can get that kind of raw stimulation when you need to move your hips, rather than your hand, that quickly.

I would suggest trying doggy-style if things aren't working out as this lets you modulate your thrusts, pace and depth of penetration with ease. If all else fails (as others have mentioned) a "failed attempt" earlier in the day will virtually guarantee a speedy finish the next time around.

Failure to orgasm during oral is, at the risk of getting attacked here, usually a fault of the giver rather than givee. Most girls don't appreciate the nervous layout of the average turgid cock all the well. Tongue-dragging along the underside and liberal twisting pumping hand action often does the trick.

Good luck!
I still can't usually cum with a condom on, though.