Public Speaking...and Death!

[Stoid]

Well, I was a standup comic for about a year many moons ago, and while there were times I thought surely I was going to throw up my stomach right on to the stage, it was overall the most satisfying and exciting time of my life. (I actually came in 10th in a field of 110 comics in a citywide competition. I have a video of me killing a packed house at the Improv. My moment of glory...everyone should have one.)

To me, public speaking is utterly thrilling. The fear that I have about it isn't simply speaking in front of alot of people, it's speaking in front of a lot of people and sucking at it. If you could be assured of being brilliant, fascinating, and adored, I don't think anyone would fear it.

It's like anything: the risks are worth the rewards. Assuming you find the admiration/interest/approval of large groups of people you don't know very rewarding. Some people don't.

[jens]

I fear public speaking more than death or dismemberment. Mind you, I don't particularily fear public speaking, but death and dismemberment are even more rarely on my mind.

I suspect that if you asked an individual whether they would rather give a 5 minute speech without adequate preparation, or have even only the top joint of their little finger removed, that individual will give the speech.

But being called upon to speak publicly considerably more often than sacrificing life or limb, the public speaking actually worries us more frequently.

[RealityChuck]

The origin of this seems to have been reported in the Sunday Times of London in October of 1973; the results became widely known when the survey was printed in THE BOOK OF LISTS. It was taken by a team of market researchers from 3000 U.S. inhabitants.

The fears were:

1. Speaking before a group 41%
2. Heights 32
3. Insects and bugs 22
4. Financial Problems 22
5. Deep Water 22
6. Sickness 19
6. Death 19

I don't know anything about the techniques of the survey. I suspect that many people didn't mention "death" because it was such an obvious fear that they didn't think of it.

[beefymeg]

I feel fine about public speaking - until I get up there. My mouth dries up, my stomach cramps, and I forget everything about the topic I was supposed to talk about.
And it doesn't help to talk about a "familiar object" - I forget it still the same. Or I lose all sense of order and rattle off words in random order.

So the thought of public speaking doesn't scare me, actually DOING it does. I think repetition (having to do, say, two speeches a week instead of three and entire semester) would be the only way to quell my nerves.

[timmar68]

I am one of those have have an absolute fear of public speaking. I hate being the center of attention...I hate all eyes on me.
When I got married one of the reasons I did it in a courthouse was that I didn't want to walk down the aisle and have everyone look at me. The fear is that strong.
In highschool in my senior year we had to give a 5-minute speech, with no notes, no podium, nothing. If it was under 5 minutes we flunked. I chose to flunk. I tried and tried to pschyche my self up, took advice about how to alleviate the fear,and I thought I'd be ok. I talked to the teacher and he tried to calm me and give me advice. He said that assignment was a good one to prepare us for real life. My turn came and I started shaking, breathing heavy, and wanted to cry and bolt out of the room. The teacher asked me if i was ready, my lip quivered from trying to hold in my tears, and I told him no. I just couldn't do it. I still can't to this day. In fact, those feelings are coming back to me now as I type it, after all these years (it was 1986).
That's one of the reasons I like my job...it's one-on-one communication. I don't ever have to speak to a crowd.

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MaryAnn
Sometimes life is so great you just gotta muss up your hair and quack like a duck!

I am a very shy person. And I am extremely afraid of speaking in public. I don't even have to stand up to be afraid. If I'm sitting down in my chair, and I have to say my name, I get nervous, and my hands start to sweat.

When I had to take speech 101 in college, I was a joke. I knew days ahead of time when, and what I was going to say in my speech. But an hour before class, my hands would start to sweat, and I'd start to yawn uncontrolably (sp?). (I yawn A LOT when I'm nervous) As I gave my speeches, my mouth was incredibly dry, my voice trembled, and my knees wobbled.

I don't really know why I'm so afraid, but I'd pay dearly to have the guts to do what millions of others do, and that's speak in front of people comfortably. I think most of my fear comes from everyone looking right at me. It's the whole "center of attention" thing.

So, I envy those of you who can speak in public without fear. You are truly amazing people to me. I don't understand how you can possibly do it.

Adam

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"Life is hard...but God is good"

[Mardi]

Greetings all -

I am teaching a session of Public Speaking this semester. As always, on the first day of class, I report a statistic that, although strongly supported, always seems a little hard to buy. It is:

Polls indicate that a majority of people fear public speaking more than death or dismemberment.

I have some numbers, but you get the general idea. I report the stat for humor more than anything, but then many students nod their heads in agreement. (??????)

Here's my question. Is there any truth to this, or is this simply a case of I'll answer on my immediate fears because there truly isn't a chance I will be killed after my answers? (This is much the same as the question, "would you do something nasty for a million dollars?" We answer no, but I wonder if the answer would change if a cool million were really sitting on a table for the taking).

I would also like to hear from those who are that deathly afraid of public speaking. Tell me why you have the fear. Specifically what do you fear?

It would be nice to have this information (the students aren't very helpful with this as they are new to a class and stay pretty quiet for the first couple of weeks). I could then set up some exercises to try to lessen the fear.

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The snozberries taste like snozberries!

[BoBettie]

I am a public speaker for a living (a computer instructor) and have spoken in front of a few thousand people at my college graduation, and it doesn't really bother me too much. I get butterflies from time to time (if it's a big group or I'm not very familiar with the subject I"m teaching), but normalls it's no big deal. My co-workers, however, can't understand for the life of them how I get up in front of a room full of business people and teach. I don't get the big deal, but there are 35 of them, and not one will do it, even to substitute on occasion. I am a real extrovert, though..love kareoke and stuff like that...if I'm at a show and they need a volunteer from the audience, you can bet I'm up on my feet. So maybe it's an introvert/extrovert issue. I also have good self-esteem, which most people don't have. Could be that, too.

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An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.

[RealityChuck]

I have no fear of public speaking; the bigger the crowd, the easier it is.

Part of this is personality, of course. Part is rooted in the fear of making a mistake and be embarassed. Hint: if you make a minor mistake, move on. Most people won't notice it. If someone calls you on it, say, "You're right. What I meant to say was ... " and you'll be covered.



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www.sff.net/people/rothman (http://www.sff.net/people/rothman)

[Northern Piper]

I'm a lawyer - it's never really been much of a problem for me - don't know why. Of course, my first court appearences were in small centres, with no audience other than the judge, the other counsel, and the parties, so I remember them as rather cozy. I found I was nervous the first time I appeared in each level of court, but that was more just the novelty of it, learning how each court conducted itself, and so on.

As well, the type of court work I do involves a great deal of legal argument, not examinations of witnesses. If you have a good opposing counsel, and an alert judge, then it becomes an intellectual debate, and I tend to forget there is anyone else there but the other lawyer and the judge.

One key point is preparation - if you don't know your stuff, you will hate the experience of public speaking. If you know your material, and can argue and answer coherently, it can be one of the most heady experiences available - there are few other things like the rush I get from participating in a well-argued, fully debated case.

[Contestant #3]

I love public speaking and I get a big rush from doing it. I've noticed that people that can't or won't do it just look at you with awe as you do it. Sure, there have been times when I WAS nervous about doing it, but once I get going it's OK.

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Contestant #3

[Sycorax]

I've read that public speaking is one of the greatest fears, but never read about death being preferable -- makes no sense to me. I'm basically a shy person, but I also don't like to be defeated by unreasonable fears, and decided this was one I could conquer. I also figured that it would help with the shyness thing. I grew to like it in the context of a teaching venue -- I administered a deferred compensation plan (government version of a 401K) in my agency and went around to the different departments making presentations to relatively small groups of employees. I'm sure I would still have stage fright if I had to give a speech to an auditorium full of people. But public speaking is like anything else -- the more you do it the more comfortable you become. I think a key factor is knowing your subject -- feeling as though you are at that moment the expert and imparting useful information (as I was in the instance described above). I felt that I was helping people do something that was good for them.

[palmolive]

well, who worries about death? just in general? i worry more about public speaking than death. i worry more about spiders than death. i worry more about popular music than death. death really isn't on the mind of most (sane) people that much and in the "battle of worries" it usually ends up losing to things that are more immediate. is it more likely that within this week i will die, or that i will be asked to speak to a person or group of people i don't know well? almost certainly that i will be asked to speak to a group, especially since i am beginning high school this week. only impractical people worry about death.

[EnigmaOne]

In high school, you couldn't have gotten me to speak in front of an audience at gunpoint.

For some reason, I just grew used to the idea, and now, as a teacher, I love it! I try to encourage lots of participation--more like a conversation between friends. It's a kick!

Give me a classroom with a hundred or so students... :::eyes glazing over:::

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--Kalél
Common ¢ for all ages...
Doncha just hate word problems?
"If it takes a four-month old woodpecker, with a rubber bill, 9 months and 13 days to peck a hole through a Cypress log that is big enough to make 117 shingles, and it takes 165 shingles to make a bundle worth 93¢, how long will it take a cross-eyed grasshopper, with a cork leg, to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?"

[pldennison]

I suffer from big-time stage fright, both when speaking in public and when performing as a musician. Always have. But when I was on the radio, I could go forever, with no problems. Weird.

[Persephone]

I myself enjoy public speaking. I do get butterflies, but they usually go away once I get started. I always got my highest marks in school on the projects that required me to speak in front of the class, drama in particular.

PLD, I know what you mean about the stage fright as a musician. I'm not a player, but I did marry one, and he has the same problem, as do many of his musician friends. My husband is the lead guitar player for a blues band, so he's out front ALOT. One thing I've never quite been able to understand, though, is just HOW you guys can fake being so cool & confident so darn well. I mean, I'm a good public speaker, but my nervousness is still apparent at times. My husband swears he's just shaking in his boots, but you sure can't tell it at all. ;)

[Scarred]

Wow! MaryAnnQ, our experiences were so similar it's eerie. I also chose to flunk a speech rather than give it. Of course, that followed a previous speech that I prepared for, gave, and flunked. After the first one, I decided that since 1/2 of the final grade was a written test, I would focus on that. I aced it and got a 'C' in the course. I think I would choose the pinky removal over the speech. Public speaking (to me that means speaking to anyone other than my immediate family) makes me nauseous, sweat profusely and stinkily, and suffer extreme brain lock-up.

[divemaster]

I have split reactions when it comes to public speaking. I'm not very good at telling a joke to a crowd, or relating humorous anecdotes. I just don't have the public confidence and knack for these types of situations. In fact, they make my quite nervous.

On the other hand, I taught college biology classes for 4 years, and was never nervous or had stage fright (after the first time, that is). I actually really enjoyed teaching. Some of my classes were the 100+ student lecture hall types, and others were on a much more intimate scale. Either way, no problem. Likewise, I can get in a political debate without feeling self-conscious or nervous. But have to tell a joke or try to be interesting off the cuff, fugheddaboutit!

[bernard]

Adam/ARG - I can (probably) fix your yawning problem. Some of my students (martial arts) have this happen to them on occasion in the middle of workouts. Used to happen to me too. Anyway, the reason why you yawn in this case isn't because of tiredness but because of a lack of oxygen. Answer: Take a breath! I bet if you stop and examine your behaviour when you are nervous you will notice that you will tend to hold your breath more.

[dawnbird]

Being in a public place in general scares me. I have to have a specific purpose in mind at all times, or I just don't go. Public speaking scares me, but not all of the time. I can usually detach myself if I have enough time to understand the subject well before I must speak. My palms still get sweaty, my scalp still itches, but I don't freeze up.

High-school speech class was an absolute nightmare for me. I had to make one speech a week, on average, so I got less than a week to prepare. This, with five other subjects to study, a job, and classmates that looked for new and creative ways to pick on me. Just try spending your only day off hiking to the library, researching for the expressed purpose of standing in front of a room to get stared at. Even worse, the class was before lunch, so herds of people attacked me while I was trying to eat. (Interesting speech you made, HaHaHa. Where do you come up with this stuff? HaHaHa. Why are you shaking? (mock concerned look)) Then, the story of my lunchtime panic spread around school and it happened again in study hall. About mid-year, they just gave up the torture routine and started hissing insults at me in the hallway. Those, I can handle.

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possibly the world's only naive cynic

[pldennison]

Cristi, being the bass player, I could always get away with appearing a bit standoffish. ;) In a band I was in about 10 years ago, I actually split the lead singing duties with someone else in the band. I have videotapes of gigs, and you can just see the flop sweat rolling down my face. In the last band I was in, I sang backup vocals with a few harmony lead vocal duties.

Usually, I avoided getting too shaken up by not making eye contact with the audience and looking over their heads; or by pulling the "shoegazer" band trick and looking at my hands or feet while I played. Like I said, as a bass player, I could get away with it.

[improv_junkie]

I usually get the willies before I have to speak in front of a class or crowd, but I've never freaked or bailed out. I don't understand it : I'm usually pretty shy, especially in front of older people. But I think being funny has something to do with it.

When I'm speaking in public, I'm twisting my hands and shifting from side to side with nerves, but I compensate by cracking jokes, whether or not they're on my cue cards. I can't help it, it's automatic - I guess it's some sort of defense mechanism. I just hope I don't ever have to give a speech about AIDS victims or something. That could get ugly.

It works, though. People laugh, which helps me to keep going through the speech. Afterward, people are like, "That was a great speech." Correction : it was a mediocre speech with terrible delivery; you just liked my jokes. But thanks.

Guys, if you want to get better at public speaking, join an improv club/team! You don't have to be alone on the ice at first if you don't want to. It's fun, exhilerating, totally rewarding in all walks of life. It will boost your confidence and make public speaking easier, garanteed.

[jacquilynne]

Another suggestion for people who would like to conquer their fear of speaking: www.toastmasters.org It's an international organization of clubs dedicated to public speaking, there's a few thousand clubs worldwide so there's bound to be one near you.

I've never been afraid of public speaking, so I joined more to practice my skills than get over my fear, but our club has a broad mix of backgrounds. Weekly meetings include a few formal speeches from members, formal critique and evaluation and some informal impromptu speaking.

We have one member of our club who has somewhat limited english and a very heavy accent. When we do impromptu speaking, each person speaks for a minute. In that time, he sometimes barely manages to get 20 words out amidst the umms and aaahs. I've never been so thrilled as when he stood up in front of the group last week and gave his first formal speech. I can't even begin to comprehend how much time he must have spent preparing and rehearsing that speech. It was not perfect, it wasn't even very good, but he rarely stumbled or searched for words and his ideas were understandable. When he finished, the applause from the room went on for minutes, as everyone recognized the accomplishment it was.

If you're afraid to speak in public, an atmosphere like that - full of people who've been where you are and understand what it's like, and want you to succeed - is a great place to start. You have a comfortable familiar audience to practice in front of, and a set of structured materials to guide you through the process. As you get better and more confident there are lots of opportunities to get out and speak to different and larger audiences. I am, of course, incredibly biased because I am a member, but I think it's a great program.

[Kalhoun]

IBM required that we take a public speaking course (as part of the hideous Stepford Secretarial Training Program...yes, master...). It was a great course! People who looked like they might hyperventilate were just fine by the end of the week! I recommend a course like it to anyone who wants to overcome their fear of public speaking.

[TheFunkySpaceCowboy]

I've never had a problem with public speaking, no stage fright, no butterflies really. If anything I just get a little excited about giving a new speech to an audience. I still remember my first ever speech to. It was for my 8th grade history class. We were allowed to use notes but I utterly failed to prepare the night before and ended up doing three minutes of improv on the battle of Bunker/Breed's Hill :)

When I finished most of the class was staring at me with slack-jawed amazement and I got a standing ovation. To this day I refuse to use speaking notes for any speech less than 30 minutes. In fact I've gotten so used to speaking without them that on the occaisons I've been forced to use them
because of some inane class requirment I bring them with me and ignore them, they usually end up folded and in my pocket halfway through since I'll fidget if I have anything in my hands. Instead I memorize what would be my notes so I remember my subject matter and the order I want to give it in. For the most part I end up improvising a good part of the speech when I'm up there, depending on how I'm doing for time and how the audience is reacting etc...

I've found few things as gratifying as standing up in front of an audience watching as they follow my every word and then applaud with genuine enthusiasm when I'm done. Quite a rush.

[Skammer]

Is there a GQ here? I think the thread has been resurrected into the wrong forum.

[bibliophage]

Bumping a 3- or 4-year old thread can be pretty confusing. Also, this isn't really a GQ. I'll close this thread and let someone start a new thread in MPSIMS if they like.

bibliophage
moderator GQ