I needs a help.

[The Great Sun Jester]

Religious hyperpious holierthanthou must legislate adherence to my beliefs because my omnipotent god’s holiday (which I choose to not notice was cobbled together from other non-related religious traditions) is being usurped by the nonbelievers in an undeclared cultural war aimed at persecuting the righteous! The non-church going murderers of wombdwelling saints would give MY earthly possessions to OTHER children of my god! I can’t take it with me but I don’t want anyone else to have it because they didn’t earn it and they believe in a different avatar of my god who sent the one I believe in to us who bantered something about “give it all away, you won’t need it where you’re going and oh hey try and be nice to people you don’t like because maybe they’ll return the favor and that might spread…” and I know what he really meant was God hates fags and even thought my race and religion are The Best® and inherently superior to all others I must defend them because they are not somehow strong enough or Best® enough to resist degradation by the less powerful, inferiorer races and quasi-religions.

I try so hard not to be a hypocrite and hate these self-contradicting souls, but sometimes…. “Satan’s” temptations of avarice and pride have no affect on me, but my hypocritical desire to deride and destroy those who would deride and destroy those who challenge the rightness of their beliefs is truly gut-wrenching. To ignore another human in need is inhuman, but to acknowledge them is to feed the need that I believe destroys them further. Why the fuck is the rum gone?

Go ahead, pile on. I gives a damn.

[Maus Magill]

Why the fuck is the rum gone?

I'm not sure, but I have an idea.

[Tom Scud]

That read like one of those procedurally-generated text pieces.

[kayaker]

Why the fuck is the rum gone?

That's why it is so important to keep a spare bottle hidden behind the crock pot. Have you looked there?

[Tom Scud]

LOOK BEHIND THE POT

Which pot, the crock pot or the cooking pot?

THE CROCK POT

You find nothing behind the crock pot.

I

You have:
No rum.

[tdn]

Religious hyperpious holierthanthou must legislate adherence to my beliefs because my omnipotent god’s holiday (which I choose to not notice was cobbled together from other non-related religious traditions) is being usurped by the nonbelievers in an undeclared cultural war aimed at persecuting the righteous! The non-church going murderers of wombdwelling saints would give MY earthly possessions to OTHER children of my god! I can’t take it with me but I don’t want anyone else to have it because they didn’t earn it and they believe in a different avatar of my god who sent the one I believe in to us who bantered something about “give it all away, you won’t need it where you’re going and oh hey try and be nice to people you don’t like because maybe they’ll return the favor and that might spread…” and I know what he really meant was God hates fags and even thought my race and religion are The Best® and inherently superior to all others I must defend them because they are not somehow strong enough or Best® enough to resist degradation by the less powerful, inferiorer races and quasi-religions.

And a Happy New Year.

[Giraffe]

"I needs a help"? "I gives a damn"? The OP reads like it was generated by a bot with a bad Italian accent.

[Euphonious Polemic]

This is why the bong water should NOT be consumed, no matter how tempting it looks.

[Cat Whisperer]

I totally agree with the OP.

[RedFury]

Religious hyperpious holierthanthou must legislate adherence to my beliefs because my omnipotent god’s holiday (which I choose to not notice was cobbled together from other non-related religious traditions) is being usurped by the nonbelievers in an undeclared cultural war aimed at persecuting the righteous! The non-church going murderers of wombdwelling saints would give MY earthly possessions to OTHER children of my god! I can’t take it with me but I don’t want anyone else to have it because they didn’t earn it and they believe in a different avatar of my god who sent the one I believe in to us who bantered something about “give it all away, you won’t need it where you’re going and oh hey try and be nice to people you don’t like because maybe they’ll return the favor and that might spread…” and I know what he really meant was God hates fags and even thought my race and religion are The Best® and inherently superior to all others I must defend them because they are not somehow strong enough or Best® enough to resist degradation by the less powerful, inferiorer races and quasi-religions.

I try so hard not to be a hypocrite and hate these self-contradicting souls, but sometimes…. “Satan’s” temptations of avarice and pride have no affect on me, but my hypocritical desire to deride and destroy those who would deride and destroy those who challenge the rightness of their beliefs is truly gut-wrenching. To ignore another human in need is inhuman, but to acknowledge them is to feed the need that I believe destroys them further. Why the fuck is the rum gone?

Go ahead, pile on. I gives a damn.

Just realized that it's true; everything sounds better in French. Even if one can't make heads or tails of it in either language...

Les besoins I une aide. La nécessité holierthanthou hyperpious religieuse légifèrent adhérence à ma croyance parce que les vacances d'un mon dieu omnipotent (que je choisis de ne pas noter ai été pavé en cailloutis ensemble d'autres traditions religieuses non apparentées) sont usurpées par les non-croyants dans une guerre culturelle non déclarée visée persécutant le juste ! Les meurtriers allants de non-église des saints wombdwelling donneraient MES possessions terrestres à d'AUTRES enfants de mon dieu ! Je ne peux pas la prendre avec moi mais je ne veux pas que n'importe qui autrement l'ait parce qu'ils ne l'ont pas gagné et ils croient en avatar différent de mon dieu qui a envoyé celui que je crois dedans à nous au sujet des lesquels a plaisanté quelque chose « le donnent tout loin, vous n'aurez pas besoin de lui où vous allez et oh hé essai et être gentil aux gens vous n'aimez pas parce que peut-être ils renverront la faveur et cela pourrait écarter… » et je sais ce qu'a vraiment voulu dire il étaient les sèches de haines de Dieu et ont même pensé que ma course et religion sont le Best® et en soi le supérieur à tous les autres que je dois les défendre parce qu'elles ne sont pas de façon ou d'autre assez fortes ou assez Best® pour résister à la dégradation par moins le puissant, inferiorer emballe et des quasi-religions.

J'essaye ainsi ne pas être dur un hypocrite et ne pas détester ces âmes d'individu-contradiction, mais parfois…. Les tentations de « Satan » de l'avarice et de la fierté n'ont aucun affect sur moi, mais mon désir hypocrite de moquer et détruire de ceux qui moqueraient et détruiraient de ceux qui contestent l'exactitude de leur croyance est vraiment gut-wrenching. Pour ignorer un autre humain dans le besoin est inhumain, mais les reconnaître sont d'alimenter le besoin que je crois les détruit plus loin. Pourquoi la baise le rhum est-il allé ?

Avancent, la pile dessus. I donne un rien.

[Scuba_Ben]

GIVE A DAMN

You don't have any damn. Damn not given.

[Sigmagirl]

I disagree. It sounds better in Russian.


Религиозные hyperpious holierthanthou обязаны принимать законодательные присоединение к моим убеждениям, потому что праздник моего всемогущего Бога (которую я выбираю не заметить было мощеных вместе с другими не связанными религиозной традиции), в настоящее время узурпировано неверующих в необъявленной культурной войне, направленной на преследование праведный! Non-церковь собирается убийцы wombdwelling святые отдал бы земные владения другими детьми Боже мой! Я не могу взять ее с собой, но я не хочу кого-либо еще есть, потому что они не зарабатывают, и они верят в различные аватары моего Бога, Который послал, как я полагаю, чтобы кто-то подтрунивали о " Give It All Away, вам не придется его там, где вы собираетесь и Hey Oh попытаться приятно людям не нравится, может быть, потому что они вернутся пользу и что может распространиться ... "и я знаю, что он на самом деле имел в виду Бог ненавидит сигареты и даже думал, что моя раса и религия являются лучшими ® и по своей сути превосходит все другие, я должен защищать их, поскольку они не являются каким-то достаточно сильной или Best ® достаточно, чтобы противостоять деградации менее мощный, inferiorer расами и квази - религиям.

Я так стараться не быть лицемером и ненавижу этих самоуправления противоречащим душ, но иногда .... "Сатана" соблазнов корыстолюбия и гордости не влияют на меня, но мои желания лицемерной осмеять и уничтожить тех, кто будет высмеивать и уничтожить тех, кто оспаривает правильность своих убеждений действительно выворачивающий. Чтобы игнорировать другому человеку в беде бесчеловечным, но признать их кормить это необходимо, что я считаю, разрушает их дальше. Почему это ебать ром ушел?

Вперед, на куче. Я дает Черт.

[chacoguy]

Can I have Glen Canyon damn?

[Enderw24]

And back from French to English again

Originally Posted by Courtesy off Babelfish Needs I a help. The religious need holierthanthou hyperpious legislate adherence with my belief because the holidays d' one my omnipotent god (whom I choose not to note was pavement cobblestone together d' other nonrelated religious traditions) are usurped by the unbelievers in a cultural war not declared aimed persecuting the Juste! The active murderers of not-church of the saints wombdwelling would give MY terrestrial possessions to d' OTHER children of my god! I cannot take it with me but I do not want only n' import which differently l' parce qu' has; they l' did not gain and they believe in misadventure different from my god who sent that I believe inside in us about which joked something “give it far, you n' will not need him where you go and oh He test and nice being with people you n' do not like because perhaps they will return the favour and that could draw aside…” and I know this qu' really he meant was them dry of hatreds of God and even thought that my race and religion are Best® and in oneself the superior with all the others which I must defend them parce qu' they are not way or d' other rather strong or enough Best® to resist degradation per less the powerful one, inferiorer packs and of the quasi-religions. J' thus try not to be hard a hypocrite and not to hate these hearts d' individual-contradiction, but sometimes…. Temptations of “Satan” of l' avarice and of the pride n' no affect on me, but my hypocritical desire has to make fun and destroy those which would make fun and destroy those which dispute l' exactitude of their belief is really gut-wrenching. To be unaware of another human in the need is inhuman, but to recognize them are d' to feed the need that I believe destroys them further. Why does he kiss it rum went? Advance, the pile above. I gives one nothing.

[Cat Whisperer]

*My* omnipotent god is pavement cobblestone of nonrelated religious traditions! What a coincidence!

[Giraffe]

*My* omnipotent god is pavement cobblestone of nonrelated religious traditions! What a coincidence!
Thatsa spicy meatball!!

[Cat Whisperer]

And we're back to the Flying Spaghetti Monster - funny how that always happens.

[Munch]

I totally agree with the OP.

I also agree, by way of the fact that I can't find anything in there that I DISagree with...

[Tom Scud]

I also agree, by way of the fact that I can't find anything in there that I DISagree with...

Sort of like arguing with a bar of Dr. Bronner's.

[tdn]

And back from French to English again

I am reminded of Lt. Uhura trying to translate into Klingonese.

[Really Not All That Bright]

"I needs a help"? "I gives a damn"? The OP reads like it was generated by a bot with a bad Italian accent.
Does Google translate into lolcat now?

I'm extremely impressed that the OP was able to Alt + Tab his way to the ® symbol while wasted.

[Scuba_Ben]

No, but Speaklolcat.com does:
I NEEDZ HALP.

RELIGIOUS HYPERPIOUS HOLIERTHANTHOU MUST LEGISLATE ADHERENCE 2 MAH BELIEFS CUZ MAH OMNIPOTENT CEILIN CAT’S HOLIDAI (WHICH I CHOOSE 2 NOT NOTICE WUZ COBBLD TOGETHR FRUM OTHR NON-RELATD RELIGIOUS TRADISHUNS) IZ BEAN USURPD BY TEH NONBELIEVERS IN AN UNDECLARD CULTURAL WAR AIMD AT PERSECUTIN TEH RIGHTEOUS! TEH NON-CHURCH GOIN MURDERERS OV WOMBDWELLIN SAINTS WUD GIV MAH EARTHLY POSESSHUNS 2 OTHR CHILDREN OV MAH CEILIN CAT! I CAN’T TAEK IT WIF ME BUT I DON’T WANTS ANYONE ELSE 2 HAS IT CUZ THEY DIDN’T EARN IT AN THEY BLEEV IN DIFFERENT AVATAR OV MAH CEILIN CAT HOO SENT TEH WAN I BLEEV IN 2 US HOO BANTERD SOMETHIN BOUT “GIV IT ALL AWAY, U WON’T NED IT WER U’RE GOIN AN OH HAY TRY AN BE NICE 2 PEEPS U DON’T LIEK CUZ MAYBE THEY’LL RETURN TEH FAVOR AN DAT MITE SPREAD…” AN I KNOE WUT HE RLY MEANT WUZ CEILIN CAT HATEZ FAGS AN EVEN THOT MAH RACE AN RELIGION R TEH BEST® AN INHERENTLY SUPERIOR 2 ALL OTHERS I MUST DEFEND THEM CUZ THEY R NOT SOMEHOW STRONG ENOUGH OR BEST® ENOUGH 2 RESIST DEGRADASHUN BY TEH LES POWERFUL, INFERIORR RACEZ AN QUASI-RELIGIONS.

I TRY SO HARD NOT 2 BE HYPOCRITE AN HATE THEES SELF-CONTRADICTIN SOULS, BUT SOMETIMEZ…. “SATAN’S” TEMPTASHUNS OV AVARICE AN PRIDE HAS NO AFFECT ON ME, BUT MAH HYPOCRITICAL DESIRE 2 DERIDE AN DESTROY DOSE HOO WUD DERIDE AN DESTROY DOSE HOO CHALLENGE TEH RIGHTNES OV THEIR BELIEFS IZ TRULY GUT-WRENCHIN. 2 IGNORE ANOTHR HOOMAN IN NED IZ INHUMAN, BUT 2 ACKNOWLEDGE THEM IZ 2 FED TEH NED DAT I BLEEV DESTROYS THEM FURTHR. Y TEH F&^% IZ TEH RUM GONE?

GO AHEAD, PILE ON. I GIVEZ DAMN.

[Tom Scud]

Wow. I didn't think the original could be improved on. Well played, Ben.

[ToeJam]

"I TRY SO HARD NOT 2 BE HYPOCRITE AN HATE THEES SELF-CONTRADICTIN SOULS, BUT SOMETIMEZ…. “SATAN’S” TEMPTASHUNS OV AVARICE AN PRIDE HAS NO AFFECT ON ME, BUT MAH HYPOCRITICAL DESIRE 2 DERIDE AN DESTROY DOSE HOO WUD DERIDE AN DESTROY DOSE HOO CHALLENGE TEH RIGHTNES OV THEIR BELIEFS IZ TRULY GUT-WRENCHIN. 2 IGNORE ANOTHR HOOMAN IN NED IZ INHUMAN, BUT 2 ACKNOWLEDGE THEM IZ 2 FED TEH NED DAT I BLEEV DESTROYS THEM FURTHR."

This is perhaps the MOST thoughtful and self-reflective lolcat answer to the age old question "I can haz cheezburger?"
If a lolcat said that all to me... i'd give him the damn cheeseburger.

[The Great Sun Jester]

Hoo fuck! I did that a coupla hours ago and I don't remember doing it! And no, no rum in several months but perhaps I'd better stop by the cellar on the way home.

[Sigmagirl]

Inigo, you do needs a help.

[The Great Sun Jester]

LOOK BEHIND THE POT

Which pot, the crock pot or the cooking pot?

THE CROCK POT

You find nothing behind the crock pot.

I

You have:
No rum.
And this is brilliant.

[fluiddruid]

The Hyperpious religion hypocritical essential trust makes! With mine legislation appendix, because who the holiday I the versatile god (don't like not paying attention piece together of to me; other with not related religious tradition) not by, in continues to lecture honestly in a cultural war which indicated is usurped! The wombdwelling active assassin disciple will not give my Earth property of my god other children! Otherwise I am impossible to adopt him to have me not, but I want everybody to have its parce. They have not deserved it, and in delivered from mine god's other unfortunate matter this to has given something to me our belief which graceful will turn over "them" about it to crack a joke, you did not believe that their he was essential you to have goes really, and hey test, and the good people were not you do not hold perhaps, because of them, and that possible to lengthen… “and my weet any meant that it was really god haatfags and was considered my race and even the religion was Best®, and inherent winner other I must already defend and their parce qu' They or another way or Best® is not intense rather enough is s' Opposes to degenerate, l' Not vigorous inferiorerrassen and quasi-godsdiensten. My n' Do not try is that hard hypocrite who and these zelf-tegenspreekt heart hates, but sometimes…. „Satan enticement “l' Greedy and sense of pride n' Do not have in mine emotion loading, but which will tease and destroys them my hypocritical desire and destroys them to tease believes l' ; Their darm-wringt defied the accuracy to separate really. Must neglect another person who needs is cruel, but must approve their me to believe that then destroys them to need to raise. Why the sexual intercourse Lamb liquor is it? , if the pile trains my me. I give blaspheme.

[Wheelz]

"I needs a help"? "I gives a damn"? The OP reads like it was generated by a bot with a bad Italian accent.I thought it sounded more like pirate-speak...
I needs a help, and a bottle of rum!

Religious hyperrrpious holierrrthanthou must legislate adherrrence t' me beliefs because me omnipotent god’s holiday (which brrrackish I choose t' not be spottin' werrre bein' cobbl'd togetherrr frrrom yon otherrr non-rrrelat'd rrreligious trrraditions) be bein' usurrrp'd by th' nonbelie'errrs in an undeclarrr'd culturrral warrr aim'd at perrrsecutin' th' starrrboarrrdeous! The non-churrrch charrrtin' a courrrse murrrderrrerrrs o' wombdwellin' saints would be givin' MY earrrthly possessions t' OTHER little sandcrrrabs o' me god! I can’t plunderrr it wit' me but I don’t want anyone else t' have it because t avast didn’t earrrn it and t avast believe in a differrrent avatarrr o' me god who sent th' one I believe in t' us who banterrr'd somethin' about “be givin' it all away, ye won’t ne'd it wharrr ye’rrre charrrtin' a courrrse and oh avast trrry and be nice t' scallywags ye don’t like because arrrgh t avast’ll rrreturrrn th' favorrr and that tharrrmight sprrread…” and I be knowin' what in th' name o' Davy Jones he rrreally meant werrre bein' God hates powderrr monkey lovin's and even notion me rrrace and rrreligion be The Best® and inherrrently superrriorrr t' all otherrrs I must defend them because t avast be not somehow in th' salty sea hearrrty enough orrr Best® enough t' rrresist degrrradation by th' less powerrrful, inferrriorrrerrr rrraces and quasi-rrreligions, and a bottle of rum!

I trrry so cutthrrroat not t' be a hypocrrrite and hate 'ese 'errreself-contrrradictin' souls, but sometimes…, and a bottle of rum! “Satan’s” temptations o' avarrrice and prrride have arrrgh affect on me, but me hypocrrritical desirrre t' derrride and destrrroy those who would derrride and destrrroy those who challenge th' starrrboarrrdness o' theirrr beliefs be trrruly gut-wrrrenchin', and a bottle of rum! To ignorrre anotherrr huswashbucklerrr in ne'd be inhuman, but t' acknowledge them be t' fe'd th' ne'd that tharrrI believe destrrroys them furrrtherrr, and a bottle of rum! Why in th' name o' Davy Jones th' fuc kie be th' rrrum gone?

Go ahead, pile on, and a bottle of rum! I gives a lilly liverrr'd, and a bottle of rum!

[Miller]

All in one! Dilute! Dilute!

But do it in MPSIMS.

[Attack from the 3rd dimension]

"I needs a help"? "I gives a damn"? The OP reads like it was generated by a bot with a bad Italian accent.

No, b'ye, he's a Newfoundlander. This explains th' rum, too (http://www.screechrum.com/).

[cjepson]

Well, it made perfect sense to me. (really)

[Textual Intercourse]

This is why the bong water should NOT be consumed, no matter how tempting it looks.

But the smell is so divine...

[Ann Onimous]

Sort of like arguing with a bar of Dr. Bronner's.

He sure sounds like Dr. Bronner, doesn't he? Bronner may have been a loon, but I love his soap.

ALL-ONE!

[Euphonious Polemic]

Hoo fuck! I did that a coupla hours ago and I don't remember doing it! And no, no rum in several months but perhaps I'd better stop by the cellar on the way home.

Not to be too invasive there Inigo (can i call you Inigo?), but if you are having periods of blackout where you can't remember doing things, perhaps a visit to either your doctor or alternatively a substance abuse counselor would be in order.

[TubaDiva]

Inigo Montoya is on posting sabbatical starting this afternoon.

Since he can't participate, I'm closing this thread.