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View Full Version : Men, have you ever gotten a bad blowjob?


Skald the Rhymer
02-18-2010, 04:58 PM
Inspired by this thread, as if it weren't obvious. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=552743#post12135040)

For obvious reasons, the minors among us are encouraged to stop reading here and perhaps open a thread about -- um -- Twilight, I guess.

:cool:

StusBlues
02-18-2010, 04:59 PM
Absolutely. I enjoy good oral congress as much as the next guy, but I've honestly had BJs where I couldn't feel anything.

Hero From Sector 7G
02-18-2010, 05:01 PM
Enthusiasm is 99% of the job.

gotpasswords
02-18-2010, 05:04 PM
Enthusiasm is no good without some control. A few years ago, I was on the receiving end of someone who probably could literally suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. I was purple for a few days afterward. :eek:

Happy Poster
02-18-2010, 05:08 PM
Who is Chloe?

Anyway I made the 2nd vote - in both senses. And anyone who hasn't had a bad blowjob, probably hasn't had enough...

dhkendall
02-18-2010, 05:08 PM
Dunno, haven't had one.

So, whoever the lucky lady is who get to be my first* can guarantee from me as it won't be my worst (as I've had nothing to compare it too) - but neither will it be my best.

* yes I'm married, but wife doesn't seem to go for either giving or recieving. Shame, that.

Chessic Sense
02-18-2010, 05:09 PM
I've never ever ever been able to get off from a BJ. And I've had about 15 women try. I still can't figure out how anybody can. There's just not that much stimulation! So seeing as how they're basically no better than being fondled, I voted "mostly bad".

ShibbOleth
02-18-2010, 05:10 PM
I'd say somewhere between a few and half. Not quite half. Sometimes the quality even varies from the same giver. And I'm not such a quitter that I wouldn't try and coach a girl who is really giving it an effort but just lacks the technique. I do think that some people are just naturals, though others can be taught.

StusBlues
02-18-2010, 05:11 PM
Was there a similar poll around here regarding cunnilingus?

Der Trihs
02-18-2010, 05:14 PM
Who is Chloe?Judging from I just read in the thread over here (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=552732) and the subject of this one, Chloe Sevigny.

I can't believe that it took 6 posts for anyone to mention Chloe Sevigny giving an authentic blow job in Brown Bunny.

Joey P
02-18-2010, 05:18 PM
Who is Chloe?


She a girl in a trainwreck of a movie called The Brown Bunny, which is an hour and a half of a guy driving in a van with a (real/unsimulated) blowjob in the middle of it.

bordelond
02-18-2010, 05:18 PM
I've never ever ever been able to get off from a BJ. And I've had about 15 women try. I still can't figure out how anybody can. There's just not that much stimulation!
:confused:

Fascinating.

...

However, there is such a thing as doing it in such a way that stimulation is minimal. Best way I explain it is that when some women do it, their tongue runs off and hides somewhere so that the lips are trying to do all the work.

Rafe Hollister
02-18-2010, 05:33 PM
I voted the 2nd choice. Bad BJ's do occur, but definitely the minority. Wife gave me my first bj after 2 weeks of dating. It was good, but did not get me off. Later, I was able to get off just from bj's.

Second woman to give me one was very good, but the intercourse far exceeded the oral.

Third woman was very bad because she lacked any experience or enthusiasm. Also, she couldn't open her mouth very wide for an extended time--I'm quite large. She got much better and would gladly do it later on. She was a college student and we would meet in the campus library for lunch sometimes and a few times she gave me a bj just for the heck of it. She gave me several to completion and would occasionally finish me off with one after intercourse.

Fourth woman is the best I've ever had. Fortunately, that relationship is continuing and I'm a lucky guy!

Uncommon Sense
02-18-2010, 05:46 PM
I've never ever ever been able to get off from a BJ. And I've had about 15 women try. I still can't figure out how anybody can. There's just not that much stimulation! So seeing as how they're basically no better than being fondled, I voted "mostly bad".

This pretty much describes my blow-job past too. With enough simultaneous hand stimulation I believe I could have gotten off, but none of the women seemed to know this. :D
I know, I should have opened up my big fat mouth.

The Bith Shuffle
02-18-2010, 05:47 PM
Recently, a woman was unable to bring me to orgasm by giving me head. It was not a positive experience, let me tell you.

Jophiel
02-18-2010, 06:09 PM
I never orgasmed from a blowjob until I met my wife but some of the previous attempts were still good times if only as foreplay. But I used to have a relationship with a girl who treated it as such a chore and she was doing me such a favor that it really wasn't enjoyable. That and she had no technique either (probably as a result of her attitude towards it).

Maybe it was a chore for her but she sure as hell wasn't doing me any favors.

Jerseyman
02-18-2010, 06:43 PM
It's not something I like much, too intense when it does work, monotonous and afraid I'll pee when it doesn't. I enjoy giving oral to her far more.

gravitycrash
02-18-2010, 06:49 PM
I voted #2 really only because of one woman. I don't know what the deal was but she could not get her teeth out of the way. She didn't appear to have an overbite or anything wrong but Christ it was really painful.
I didn't say anything to her because she was really nice and was genuinely trying to please me so I didn't want to hurt her feelings. The reason I didn't switch to intercourse was that she didn't enjoy sex while on her period so the little guy just had to endure it.

Chimera
02-18-2010, 06:49 PM
Unlucky in never having one to completion.

My ex hated oral on either side of the equation.

Cat Fight
02-18-2010, 07:11 PM
But I used to have a relationship with a girl who treated it as such a chore and she was doing me such a favor that it really wasn't enjoyable. That and she had no technique either (probably as a result of her attitude towards it).

Maybe it was a chore for her but she sure as hell wasn't doing me any favors.

I voted #2 really only because of one woman. I don't know what the deal was but she could not get her teeth out of the way. She didn't appear to have an overbite or anything wrong but Christ it was really painful.
I didn't say anything to her because she was really nice and was genuinely trying to please me so I didn't want to hurt her feelings. The reason I didn't switch to intercourse was that she didn't enjoy sex while on her period so the little guy just had to endure it.

So, for both women, why did you (both) let her keep doing it?

Cat Fight
02-18-2010, 07:17 PM
Sorry, that made it seem like both scenarios were for the same person. To both, or either, of you:

Why let her keep doing it at all? If she made it to be a chore, then why not take it off the menu (or stop having sex with her)? If she was on her period and didn't want to have sex or, one would presume, getting any sort of reciprocal treatment, why not wait?

wmulax93
02-18-2010, 08:08 PM
The first one was the only bad one. The girl made me wear a (flavored) condom.

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.

optimisticcynic
02-18-2010, 08:19 PM
A couple of bad ones involving teeth (not comfortable), but plenty of amazing, mind altering ones. Not a fan of the giver needing to run to the bathroom to spit. I mean, just spit on me, no need to swallow.

Mr. Duality
02-18-2010, 08:23 PM
Women with mouths large enough to accommodate my member without teeth scraping it are uncommon. The feeling of teeth scraping it spoils the experience for me.

Jophiel
02-18-2010, 08:24 PM
So, for both women, why did you (both) let her keep doing it?
Because saying "Hey, that ain't working" (or "I don't want you to do that") would just set her off into some self-pitying cycle about how not only was she doing me such the big favor of blowing me but I wasn't even appreciating the event. Really, it was simplier to just get the lousy blowjob.

Dallas Jones
02-18-2010, 08:34 PM
What are they teaching in Home Economics these days? I blame the system.

Thank you, no, you can stop now, that's really ok, I love that you want to.....how about a nice game of Chess?

Seriously mom, there are some things you need to talk to your daughter about. Because the old knowledge is not being passed along to future generations.

palacheck
02-18-2010, 09:42 PM
Sorry, that made it seem like both scenarios were for the same person. To both, or either, of you:

Why let her keep doing it at all? If she made it to be a chore, then why not take it off the menu (or stop having sex with her)? If she was on her period and didn't want to have sex or, one would presume, getting any sort of reciprocal treatment, why not wait?

Ah Cat Fight, you are so subtle! That almost sounds like an actual question.

appleciders
02-18-2010, 09:46 PM
I mean, bad compared to the other ones. It takes practice, and enthusiasm certainly helps. But I've never had one I didn't enjoy,

Interconnected Series of Tubes
02-18-2010, 09:48 PM
I'd say about 50/50. It's frequently hard to climax from oral sex alone...

There are blowjobs that feel nice, and then blowjobs that make me want to cum. Girls frequently start the former without a good idea of how to achieve the latter. In general, I feel that there isn't enough hand stimulation or attention paid to the underside of the glans.

When one considers the kind of friction you get from sex, it's understandable why a paltry slather of the tongue wouldn't be enough.

Valgard
02-18-2010, 09:56 PM
"Minority have been bad" meaning "one time" - first girl I was with (we were each other's first partners) thought using her teeth would be sexy.

She might as well have stuck me with a pin - very quick OUCH from me and "Please don't ever do that again!"

Other than that, the worst oral sex I've ever had has been really nice.

Rysdad
02-18-2010, 09:59 PM
Twice.

Once was due to inexperience, and the other was due to braces. And, yes, they were both adults.

LouisB
02-18-2010, 10:29 PM
The very few that I thought were "bad" were "bad" only by comparison; they were still, in some ways, exciting and stimulating. But, the "badness" arose from excessive high vacuum downright painful sucking and the failure to control teeth placement.

By far most of the oral sex I've experienced was as a part of foreplay, if you will, and seldom to completion. And, for the most part, that was because that was what I prefer although I don't know why. I love to perform oral sex on a woman and I'm perfectly happy to do it all day but I've always had an inhibition against women taking me to completion. Even so, I've been with women who insisted on taking me to orgasm; either they liked to do so or wanted me to have the same experience I'd just provided them seemed to be the main reasons they would insist.

Cat Fight
02-18-2010, 10:54 PM
Ah Cat Fight, you are so subtle! That almost sounds like an actual question.

What? The OP is at least somewhat based on the premise that blowjobs, even bad ones, are usually still pretty good. SO I want to know why guys who regularly got bad ones still got them – if they were really that bad, or if it was out of politeness. It sounds like they did it out of politeness, which I can understand, to a point. It's incredibly tough to tell someone what you like or what they're doing wrong if they don't take criticism well, especially if you're not in an LTR. Though after the second or third time I'd probably be convincing her that 'Tonight's all about you, baby' and she'd never get down there with anything but her hands.

black rabbit
02-18-2010, 11:17 PM
50/50. For me, BJ's are far more intimate than intercourse. Unless I'm really, really drunk, which raises a whole other set of issues.

Anyway, the "ugh" half were mostly one-nighters, though it includes my ex-wife, who was really terrible at it.

Pro tip for the dudes: never marry a chick who professes to have "jaw problems."

runcible spoon
02-19-2010, 12:07 AM
Count me in with the 'blow jobs don't get me off' crowd. They're nice and all, but I don't think I've ever gotten off solely from oral action. It's usually their hand as well, and always my own hand at the very base to help out. And usually I'll still have to fantasize about sex at the same time. And, on top of that, I've had some girlfriends with, shall we say, petite mouths. Not pleasant.

panache45
02-19-2010, 01:09 AM
I've never ever ever been able to get off from a BJ. And I've had about 15 women try. I still can't figure out how anybody can. There's just not that much stimulation! So seeing as how they're basically no better than being fondled, I voted "mostly bad".

Perhaps you should try a man next time. ;)

BJs are my favorite kind of sex, but I've had a few bad ones that involved teeth.

groo
02-19-2010, 01:42 AM
Only one disappointing one -- my GF at the time started, then changed her mind. :(

All of the others were quite enjoyable, and one GF who was very enthusiastic (or a great and kind actress) made them 150% better.

I can't imagine a situation wherein I would not be able to achieve an orgasm. It's probably the most extreme pleasure I've experienced.

toofs
02-19-2010, 02:56 AM
BJs are just a warm up. A means to an end.

corkboard
02-19-2010, 08:27 AM
Yes, I've had bad ones. The worst are when there is neither enthusiasm (doing it out of a perceived sense of obligation, b/c I had already gotten her off) nor talent (putting just the head in her mouth and sucking/licking the hell out of it- honey, it gets oversensitive!).

I've also had mind-blowing blowjobs where she only used her mouth (look ma, no hands!). That girl should run a clinic.

My wife is somewhere between the two- always gets me off, always enthusiastic, but technique could use some tweaking, and hands are usually involved.

Gus Gusterson
02-19-2010, 08:46 AM
I think I'm a bit of an authority on this topic, as I've received blowjobs from over 100 different women. I voted "about half have been bad". Half of the women gave good head. Of that half, maybe a quarter of them gave great head (so the great ones are about 10% of the total). Some of the other half were OK but not worth the effort and some were downright awful. The awful ones include several women who attempted to perform the act without actually making contact with my penis. They were summarily thrown out of bed.

If you have a sample size of a few women, you might get lucky and find that they all give decent head. When you get a large enough sample size, you see the truth - there is such a thing as a bad blowjob, and it's not at all uncommon.

Skald the Rhymer
02-19-2010, 11:11 AM
What? The OP is at least somewhat based on the premise that blowjobs, even bad ones, are usually still pretty good.

No it isn't.

tdn
02-19-2010, 03:04 PM
Bad can either mean too much stimulation (including fangs) or too little. And yes, lack of enthusiasm is offputting. Having said that, for me it's not a warmup for the main course. I value a great BJ far more than penetration.

But the worst blowjob I've ever had was when the woman gave me about .000023 seconds of stimulation that I didn't even feel, then cried for an hour into my pillow because I didn't get off in those .000023 seconds.

Laggard
02-19-2010, 03:31 PM
But the worst blowjob I've ever had was when the woman gave me about .000023 seconds of stimulation that I didn't even feel, then cried for an hour into my pillow because I didn't get off in those .000023 seconds.

I'd have asked her to leave after five minutes of crying.

tdn
02-19-2010, 04:17 PM
I'd have asked her to leave after five minutes of crying.

Oh, I wanted to. But she seemed a little fragile. As in, I wasn't about to send her back into the world that distraught.

Slypork
02-19-2010, 04:18 PM
Considering that I have to dig deep in my memory (last time I got one was around the time that Clinton got his from Monica) I do recall that all of them were good. Not that I had an extensive sample to base on.

First girl was enthusiastic about it but ended with hand job. Still was very good.

Next girl was unbelievable. Not only did she love to do it but I swear she came while going down on me. Then she swallowed. :D WOW!!! If she had asked me for my life savings at that moment I would have emptied my wallet then gone and robbed a bank.

Next few girls were pros. Literally. I was stationed in Germany and frequented some of the adult entertainment locations. ;) So they knew what they were doing and did it very well.

Last girl was my wife. While she wasnít the best and it was never to completion I still enjoyed every minute. Unfortunately, she never liked doing it and hasnít even given the poor guy a kiss good night in ages.

Jack Batty
02-19-2010, 04:37 PM
I had a girlfriend once who had this bad molar ...

I don't want to talk about it anymore.

FallenAngel
02-19-2010, 05:21 PM
While some are definitely better than others, I would have voted #1 were it not for one evening with a woman I dated off and on when I was 19. She was incredibly enthusiastic, and the actual sex was still in my top 5, but she was also a nibbler and a ball sucker.

Mix that together with the aforementioned enthusiasm and bad things happened. Blowjobs shouldn't hurt.

Cat Fight
02-19-2010, 05:28 PM
No it isn't.

Then my apologies.

Skald the Rhymer
02-19-2010, 05:35 PM
Then my apologies.

I wasn't insulted, so you needn't apologize. :)

eldowan
02-19-2010, 09:01 PM
I've never had a bad one myself, every one has been from a person very talented indeed.

However, a friend of mine once told me about having to yell at a girl because she was like a 'pencil sharpener' to use his phrasing.

eldowan
02-19-2010, 09:10 PM
Pro tip for the dudes: never marry a chick who professes to have "jaw problems."

I have to completely disagree. my wife does have jaw problems.
She's incredible. Mind altering, as stated above.

AHunter3
02-20-2010, 12:05 AM
Doesn't make the top 20 list of pleasant sexual behaviors. Oral sex might as well be nasal sex. Just not remotely interested.

GameHat
02-20-2010, 12:18 AM
My longtime ex-girlfriend was fucking terrible at BJs

In her defense, she didn't like to give them.

But Jesus.

Men, let me tell you what a bad blowjob is. And I speak from experience.

It's bad when the woman isn't into it. She's doing it grudgingly. So it's a half-hearted affair. She puts it in her mouth, but won't do much else. It's fairly dry. She's terrified of the climax. She awkwardly goes up and down but avoids much friction. She won't use her hands at all. You run your hands through her hair once, and she freaks - "I KNOW how to do it! You don't have to RAM my head down!"

Most of the time, you have to "help". As in, jerk off until the moment, when she reluctantly gives "light kisses" to the unit in question while you guiltily orgasm.

Then she tells you how gross the whole process is.

Fuck her, she was the worst lover ever. But she is a great example of how a BJ can be a terrible and sad experience.

drachillix
02-20-2010, 03:14 AM
IME its 50/50, have had some good and some who had no business trying. I try not to be too judgemental because I sometimes have trouble acheiving orgasm via oral. Current g/f is probably the most consistently awesome. Historically, others have had moments of brilliance but as others have said, her enthusiasm and experience can make for a life changing bj.

ARCLIGHT68
02-20-2010, 03:56 AM
I had a GF who was really into a good b/j. This gal loved giving head! But she used everything,tongue, lips, mouth, throat and both hands and she didn't stop until SHE had every single drop out of you! She could literally suck the chrome off a trailer hitch! God that gal was good. She just really got into it and it was the first order of business every night we were together. Man she would head straight for your crotch and she didn't care if you were driving or what! She was going to have that dude right now. Like to got us killed a couple of times driving! a bj and driving don't mix real well! but she was a fun loving gal and I still miss those good times we shared!

KarlGauss
02-20-2010, 06:53 AM
Speaking of BJs from Hell, is there any truth to the urban legend about the gal with a seizure disorder who . . .?

Bam Boo Gut
02-20-2010, 07:40 AM
Sorry to laugh at your misfortune, GameHat "guiltily orgasm" oh dear - but you DID come. I guess the next poll will be about bad orgasms ....

Malacandra
02-20-2010, 11:01 AM
My longtime ex-girlfriend was fucking terrible at BJs

In her defense, she didn't like to give them.

But Jesus.

Men, let me tell you what a bad blowjob is. And I speak from experience.

It's bad when the woman isn't into it. She's doing it grudgingly. So it's a half-hearted affair. She puts it in her mouth, but won't do much else. It's fairly dry. She's terrified of the climax. She awkwardly goes up and down but avoids much friction. She won't use her hands at all. You run your hands through her hair once, and she freaks - "I KNOW how to do it! You don't have to RAM my head down!"

Most of the time, you have to "help". As in, jerk off until the moment, when she reluctantly gives "light kisses" to the unit in question while you guiltily orgasm.

Then she tells you how gross the whole process is.

Fuck her, she was the worst lover ever. But she is a great example of how a BJ can be a terrible and sad experience.

Wait, what? She was actually willing to give oral attention while you were orgasming? You ain't plumbed the depths yet, feller.

Ruby
02-20-2010, 12:16 PM
Ignorance fought.

I thought you guys would say, "There is no such thing as a bad b/j."

I stand corrected.

:eek:

Obeseus
02-21-2010, 05:18 PM
Other than one chick who seemed to think my penis was a tooth sharpener, I couldn't call a BJ a bad experience.

I wonder, though, for those who have had bad blow jobs or have lovers who don't particularly like it -- have you tried BJ on the rocks? After hearing a friend tell me it was the ultmate BJ, I wondered if he was putting me on. Nonetheless, I just had to try it.

I didn't find it any better than an ice-less BJ, and it took a bit to get used to. I could take it or leave it, but to my surprise, every woman I've had try it has preferred having a mouthful of ice. They say it works best with crushed ice.

Ephemera
02-21-2010, 05:28 PM
I am mostly straight, and mostly indifferent to blowjobs. I've only had one that really did it for me, and it was more about the person doing it than the act itself.

TV time
02-21-2010, 06:16 PM
I love them and I have had many and I cannot remember a bad one. Possibly the girls/women giving them detected how much I was enjoying them and joined in the enthusiasm.

SandyHook
02-21-2010, 10:15 PM
I've gotten a couple in the long-ago past that were less than inspired. There's more to BJ's then just vigerous head bobbing.












But even a poorly done blow-job is still a blow-job.

Chicagojeff
02-21-2010, 11:36 PM
My longtime ex-girlfriend was fucking terrible at BJs

In her defense, she didn't like to give them.

But Jesus.

Men, let me tell you what a bad blowjob is. And I speak from experience.

It's bad when the woman isn't into it. She's doing it grudgingly. So it's a half-hearted affair. She puts it in her mouth, but won't do much else. It's fairly dry. She's terrified of the climax. She awkwardly goes up and down but avoids much friction. She won't use her hands at all. You run your hands through her hair once, and she freaks - "I KNOW how to do it! You don't have to RAM my head down!"

Most of the time, you have to "help". As in, jerk off until the moment, when she reluctantly gives "light kisses" to the unit in question while you guiltily orgasm.

Then she tells you how gross the whole process is.

Fuck her, she was the worst lover ever. But she is a great example of how a BJ can be a terrible and sad experience.

OHH fuck .. Dude I'm really sorry but i busted a freakin gut reading your post..

Aghris
02-22-2010, 05:59 AM
While mostly gay, I have had BJs from women. They really put effort in them, but they weren't to the standard of those that a man gives to another man. Still, I don't think they were bad. The worst BJ I've had was actually from another gay man. He was enthousiastic about it, but for some reason he didn't know where the good spots were, and I couldn't get him to understand.
I wish I could give myself head though. I've been told my BJs are the best anyone has ever had.

Wheelz
02-22-2010, 09:57 AM
I voted "No such thing as a bad BJ," as I've never had a bad one. (Though I do believe it's possible to get a bad one -- biting, for example -- I suppose I've been relatively lucky.)

It's true that I've had some that were, shall we say, less enthusiastic than others. But "bad"? Never.
First off, I'm with somebody I'm attracted to (and let's face it, it wouldn't be happening if I wasn't), and she willingly takes my dick into her mouth. That, in and of itself, is a gigantic turn-on.
So every BJ starts out as "good." It can stay "good," or it can sometimes go from there to "great," "outstanding," or "mind-blowing," but it would take a whole lot to devolve into "bad."

I have to say I'm surprised at the number of guys who say a BJ can't get them off. I love BJ's. I love 'em so much that I sometimes have a hard time not getting off too quickly.

And, I'm very fortunate that the only woman I've been with for the past 16 years still loves to give them. ;)

Really Not All That Bright
02-22-2010, 10:30 AM
I hate hate hate getting them from girls with tongue rings. They always pinch.

brujaja
02-22-2010, 03:48 PM
My best guess is that the declining prevalence of tonsillectomies in recent years has resulted in a sorry state of affairs. As it were. :D

squeegee
02-22-2010, 05:02 PM
I had a girlfriend a long ways back who just didn't get the concept of a blowjob. She enjoyed doing it for me, at least in concept, but she'd basically put it in her mouth and do pretty much nothing. Perhaps she was running her tongue around in there or something, but I couldn't feel it. I gently tried making suggestions, all for nothing.

Thank goodness she was great in the sack in other ways, but oral was just beyond her.

GameHat
02-22-2010, 09:13 PM
OHH fuck .. Dude I'm really sorry but i busted a freakin gut reading your post..

In hindsight, I laugh too. She was terrible on so many levels, not just sexual ones.

I like to think my traumatic relationship experience is good - as a teaching tool.

The more you know!