Guys: how desperate would you have to be to VISIT a prostitute?

[John DiFool]

Inspiring thread (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=552919). Me, since most of the pleasure of sex comes from areas of the psyche which aren't strictly derived from the physical, I've never had an interest. But this question seemed like a natural. Marrieds/committeds, vote from the perspective of you being single and unattached.

Note that this is a two part poll, with a dummy choice (#7) containing the second question (so don't go choosing #7!)-thus a maximum of 2 choices, by your honor. Poll is private.

Well, something went completely fubar there-did I miss an option there or something or mistakenly clicked on a box that I shouldn't have? Please close this then admins.

[John DiFool]

Now it's working-I have no idea why it said "poll is closed" with no options, at first...admins, please keep open now.

[orcenio]

Only if I was horribly disfigured (I'm talking missing arms/legs/face) and completely unable to get a willing partner for myself...

[Oredigger77]

I wouldn't mind but someone else would have to foot the bill. I'm against having to pay for the quality I would want when I can get the same thing for a quarter of the price at a bar.

[LurkerInNJ]

I have a single male friend who sometimes uses the services of a prostitute when he doesn't have a girlfriend. Nothing wrong with him in any department. He likened it to going through a fast food drive thru versus cooking at home. Sometimes you just want something fast and dependable and don't want to be bothered with anything else.

[Malacandra]

Nope, even when my balls have been at their bluest (like, at least half of my twenties) I never gave it serious consideration. Too many downsides, not enough ups, even if that were the kind of sex I was looking for, which it never really was. Now? Even less likely.

[Antinor01]

I'd rather go without than pay for it. Paying for sex would be highly damaging to my self image.

[Sunspace]

I chose the third option. I don't think there is anything theoretically wrong with going to a prostitute, if everything is above-board and no-one is coerced.

In reality, though, I've never been to one, not even during a 14-year dry spell. I've never had enopugh money for the high-class prostitutes I'd be more likely to trust, and I have no desire to hire a street-walker. The semi-legality of the profession makes it really hard to trust anyone or determine quality.

[Wheelz]

Under certain conditions -- namely, if I were single, had enough disposable income to pay for a higher-class call girl as opposed to a whore off the street, and she could provide some sort of assurance that she was STD-free -- I'd say, sure, why not?

As Mae West may or may not have once said: "Sex with love is the greatest thing in life. But sex without love— that's not so bad either."

[Fear the Turtle]

I've been to the legal brothels in Nevada numerous times. It's no big deal, but can be a little pricy.

[manila]

Well I never buy anything off the street, but if you mean students putting themselves through a course who also want a social life, or girls working in a bar and are up for a pool party or to go away for a weekend. There are whole degrees of mutually accommodating relationships and if it involves financial assistance then so does any relationship yes?

I used to own part of a girlie bar here and I know that girls who went out with the customers were all quite willing. And despite cautionary tales about the Far East, some successful permanent relationships were made.

Its not the big thing it seems to be in the west.

[River Hippie]

I never have but IF I had the money for a higher end girl AND I had any idea as to how to find such a person...I'd give it a try... maybe.

[Slypork]

When I was stationed in Germany in the mid-80’s I frequented the local brothels. This was pre-AIDS so I didn’t know the risk I was taking. I just knew that they were government tested to be free of the usual STDs. I went maybe once a month. It didn’t cost much (the economy was great, about 3 DM = $1), I was 18 and single and wasn’t interested in getting into a relationship so it satisfied my urges.

Nowadays, even if I wasn’t married, I wouldn’t go to one. The street hookers aren’t safe and I wouldn’t waste the money on a high price call girl. As much as I would love to get a BJ I won’t risk catching something or spending a ton of cash.

[Rysdad]

In 1971, following basic training in Fort Leonard Wood, MO, several of us decided to try it out.

Weren't nuthin' great.

[DocCathode]

Never. I want a woman who is into me. Even sex with a stranger is the sharing of something very genuine.
But sex with a hooker is all about money. She cares nothing about me, only about the money. I'm just a job.

No thank you.

[DigitalC]

It has nothing to do with being desperate. I would never visit a street prostitute no matter how long my dry spell, on the other hand the only reason i've never tried a high class call girl is lack of funds. So i guess if i was rich i'd be banging 1k an hour hotties pretty much weekly.

[Shakester]

I had a dry spell of nearly five years, and paying for sex never once seriously crossed my mind.

I've known a number of prostitutes socially, and they're almost invariably motivated by a taste for drugs. The "nice girl putting herself through college" is a myth. That's what some will tell clients, if asked, because it's a lot more attractive than "I'm a drug addict". That goes for the highest of the high-class ones as much as it does for the streetwalkers. The high-class ones can afford much better quality drugs, that's the only real difference.

Users of prostitutes generally seem to be able to achieve a level of self-deception that's completely beyond me. Again, having been friends with quite a few pros I can tell you for absolute certain: they have no respect for their clients. They despise them. They do not despise their other clients but like you because you're nice, they tell you that because it's far more profitable than giving their honest opinions.

But prostitutes despise the men who pay them. Utterly. And me, I want to be liked. I want someone to be having sex with me because they like me, not to finance a drug habit. So visiting a pro has zero appeal to me.

Even a one-night stand is based on something real. Even if it's only drunkenness and loneliness, it's two people sharing the comfort of a moment of affection. But an act of prostitution is never real. So no matter how desperate I've been - and I've been very desperate at times - I could never fool myself into using a prostitute.

[palacheck]

I've visited an escort before. I was a single, lonely salesman in need of some sort of female companionship, she was a college girl in need of a lonely salesman's paycheck. We spent the weekend doing coke and drinking bourbon. And fucking.

It was awesome for both of us and I don't regret a thing.

[DigitalC]

I don't understand the need to be liked by a prostitute anymore than i would the need to be liked by the guy who does my dry cleaning. Nor do i see what maner of self deception has to be involved, you pay for a service like any other, what the girl chooses to do with her money is as much my concern as what i do with mine is hers.

[CutterJohn]

Even a one-night stand is based on something real. Even if it's only drunkenness and loneliness, it's two people sharing the comfort of a moment of affection. But an act of prostitution is never real. So no matter how desperate I've been - and I've been very desperate at times - I could never fool myself into using a prostitute.

The thing is its not supposed to be real. Its paid entertainment. A very intimate entertainment, with some very specific risks, but entertainment nonetheless.

Does it bother you that your masseuse is massaging you for money and doesn't specifically enjoy it, and would rather be home? Or that the singer in the band at the local dive is about ready to kill someone who requests.. umm.. whatever song because they've played it 8 billion times?



I'm not all big on sex in the first place, but I've been to a couple brothels in the past, and got myself a nice escort once. Fun times. I don't delude myself that they enjoyed it as much as I did, if at all, but then that was never part of the contract. I'm simply paying to be entertained. A one night stand is nice too, but I don't delude myself there that she's all into me either. One night stands are pretty much prostitution, except you're paying each other in kind.

Which is fine. Its just sex. Not like its a big deal or anything. It can be, but it can also be meaningless fun. Or just a job. Or a chore. Depends on the circumstances.


I've only visited legal prostitutes btw. Illegal prostitution creates too many problems.

[groo]

I don't think I'd be able to get it up for a prostitute. Too freaking weird. And, the last time I had sex, the World Trade Towers were still standing, so I'm no stranger to desperation.

[Robot Arm]

Since I haven't yet, and I'm not likely to get more desperate, I'd have to say it's not gonna happen.

[Quartz]

When I had the money, visiting a prostitute would have been very much a Career Limiting Move. Now I don't have the money.

[Mr Shine]

I used a prostitute when I went to Nevada, and would again if the UK were to defuse the legal minefield surrounding it. It is just a job, I don't care what they think of me, although I doubt they hate their clients significantly more than any other customer service provider does.

[mecaenas]

Being completely inept and unable to develop romantic relationships with women (friendships are fine), it doesn't leave a guy with a lot of options.

I was really desperate at 25 to lose my virginity so I engaged the services of a Lady of Easy Virtue from a quality legal brothel with well-treated staff in Amsterdam.

I'm sure first times are pretty much always awkward, but physically it was like nothing I had ever known. It was worth the money and then some.

I also had a few more experiences, a couple were bland, most good and 1 spectacular. Being a 25 year old virgin meant I had no illusions about the women being attracted to me, so that wasn't an issue. I wasn't taking advantage of them, they weren't taking advantage of me, we both knew why we were there. Having said that, one of the women made me forget I was paying, she was a great actress.

After getting over the virgin stigma and wanting to avoid bankrupting myself, I stopped going. I haven't been to a pro in a very long time, and at this stage in my life I don't want sex unless it's with a girlfriend. I miss sex terribly and I envy everyone else, but this is the way things are. Shrug.

[don't ask]

The last prostitute I spent time with was a registered nurse. Her last job had been working on a movie set. Mostly we laid around drinking Bourbon and cokes (she smoked, but I didn't), talking about movies while alternately giving massages to each other. That was as sexy as it got. Maybe she was a massage therapist or just a therapist.

Anyhow if I am going to pay someone to listen to me moaning about my life, they will be female and naked. Those that prefer psychologists or psychiatrists are welcome to it.

[Illuminatiprimus]

I've used a prostitute a few times but mainly as a treat to get a particularly hot guy without any effort. That said I have tended to leave each time thinking "that wasn't quite as good as I hoped it would be" so it's not something I'm motivated to do much again. My self image isn't in any way affected by paying as I've had my fair share of partners and have had sex with guys who have done porn and been escorts too (for free, I mean), so I'm clearly not desperate.

Whilst I agree that I want someone to be into me for who I am and all that, there are some guys I've hooked up with casually who I'm pretty sure I was an acceptable looking and compliant orrifice, so I'm not sure how different that is from the lack of any real feeling when you see a prostitute.

Then of course there is the fact that I've actually been a prostitute as well, so I know full well what goes through one's mind when one is turning a trick. I think if anything that makes me more pragmatic the times when I've used a prostitute myself, I don't waste any time thinking "I wonder if he likes me" or "I should try and please him as part of this", I just do whatever I want to suit me.

[GreatStuffMan]

I've actually been thinking of doing it in Amsterdam just to cross it off my "stuff to do before I die" list. :o

[Shawn K]

Then of course there is the fact that I've actually been a prostitute as well, so I know full well what goes through one's mind when one is turning a trick. I think if anything that makes me more pragmatic the times when I've used a prostitute myself, I don't waste any time thinking "I wonder if he likes me" or "I should try and please him as part of this", I just do whatever I want to suit me.

So if I may ask what does go through ones mind when turning a trick?

[Illuminatiprimus]

So if I may ask what does go through ones mind when turning a trick?Well, it's work, just like any other job you're being paid for is work. It's not particularly unpleasant, but it's not fun, you'd prefer to be doing something else but you're thinking about the money. When you're having sex for fun your mind is generally fixated on the act of having sex, when you're doing it for pay you could be thinking about about anything, your mind doesn't really need to be there (I once caught myself building my shopping list for when I went food shopping the next day).

[corkboard]

I wasn't really desperate at all. I was 16 and a couple of guys I worked with that summer decided to drive around Atlantic City in the middle of the night after scoring some weed from a friend of theirs. Sounds like a great way to spend an evening, right?

We sort of joked about "hey, we should pick up a hooker! Yeah, man!!", then saw a young professional lass walking down the street. We settled on a price and she hopped in the back. First she blew my buddy in the backseat while my other friend drove and I sat in the front, then we rotated- me behind the wheel, driver moved to the back to get blown, and happy guy in the front passenger seat, then we rotated again. At the time I wasn't a big fan of the blowjob, so she and I got down to business. The distractions of my buddies in the front seat while driving down the main drag in Atlantic City, stopping at lights and what not, while trying to fit us both sort of laying down on the backseat, was enough to keep me from completion. I eventually gave up and we paid her and dropped her off in an alley someplace. It was the early '80's, right when AIDS was starting to make itself known. I guess I lucked out though, as the intervening 30+ years and several subsequent AIDS tests have confirmed.

We did it for a goof. I've never given any serious thought to doing anything like that, or patronizing any kind of call girl, escort or legal prostitute, ever since.

[Elendil's Heir]

I idly considered it in my youth now and then, but given the risk of STDs, being robbed, or arrested in a police sting, never followed through on it. I have even less interest in it now, which is to say, none at all.

[panache45]

At least 30 years ago, I was going through a dry spell and some self-esteem issues, so I connected with a "male escort." He was a very good looking German guy, about in his late-20s. Long story short . . . he got off, I didn't.

[corkboard]

So did he pay you?;)

[Icerigger]

I am about as desperate as one can be but would never under any circumstance go to a prostitute. In fact to me the very idea of a prostitute is about as far away from my idea of sex as it can possibly be. She has had 100 guys before you and will have 100 after, you are just a business transaction with someone who will experience no pleasure or emotion. I know it is not PC for guys to admit they need love or a deep emotional connection however I am one.

I eventually gave up and we paid her and dropped her off in an alley someplace.

How romantic.

[RTFirefly]

In my early 20s, I had a 3-year stretch without so much as a passionate kiss. Given that I didn't seek out a prostitute then, I can't imagine doing so under any possible future circumstances.

[Khadaji]

I have never visited a prostitute - I don't think I ever will, but I don't have a problem with prostitution. People pay me to use my brain, why shouldn't a person be allowed to use his/her body to earn a living? I'm not sure what the right situation would be, but if I won't rule out the possibility.

[Illuminatiprimus]

I know it is not PC for guys to admit they need love or a deep emotional connection however I am one.On the contrary, I think it's very PC for men to admit that they have an emotional attachment to sex, as opposed to pretending that they don't have any at all.

[Icerigger]

Well, how likely would a guy admit that in non mixed company?

[msmith537]

Ask me after I come back from this bachelor party in Vegas I'm going to next month.:D



I find it interesting that a lot of the same people who say they would never use one also admit to extended "dry spells".

I also find it interesting that a lot of men associate frequenting a prostitute with "desperation". In my um...friends experience, a lot of guys who frequent them aren't the sort of guys who can't get laid. Look at some of the more famous cases like Elliot Spitzer or Hugh Grant back in the day. These guys aren't exactly pathetic losers. Actor Collin Farrel was once quoted that he viewed calling a prostitute "like ordering a pizza".

I don't have any moral objection to it, but I would obviously be concerned with the risks. Although given the popularity of the profession, I imagine most of them are overblown (no pun intended). Unless maybe you are cruising for crack-whores under the highway overpass or something.

Actually, there is a sort of legitimacy about it IMHO. As they say, you aren't paying for sex, you are paying for her to leave. There's no lying to some girl in a bar that you're going to call her or drama when she won't leave the next day.

All this is academic anyway since I'm in a relationship.



Also, if I hear about a single guy or group of guys going on vacation to places like Brazil, Argentina, Thailand, Poland or Amsterdam, I generally assume they are probably going to hit up some prostitutes.

[Procrustus]

I don't think I ever would have hired a prostitute it just for me. No objections to it, but just wouldn't have been something I personally would have ever done. My S.O. arrange one for us for a threesome once and it was a fantastic experience. The young lady was fun, relaxed, and pretty, and we had a very enjoyable experience. We tried it again with a different prositute and it was "ok" but nothing special. I think we're done with it now.

[MOIDALIZE]

I'm such a dork, I wouldn't even know how to go about finding a prostitute. Or buying drugs, for that matter.

[Illuminatiprimus]

I also find it interesting that a lot of men associate frequenting a prostitute with "desperation". In my um...friends experience, a lot of guys who frequent them aren't the sort of guys who can't get laid. Look at some of the more famous cases like Elliot Spitzer or Hugh Grant back in the day. These guys aren't exactly pathetic losers. Actor Collin Farrel was once quoted that he viewed calling a prostitute "like ordering a pizza".That's exactly how I see it actually, it's just a service you're purchasing like any other.

[Giles]

These guys aren't exactly pathetic losers. Actor Collin Farrel was once quoted that he viewed calling a prostitute "like ordering a pizza".
Yes, but why would you order a pizza if you're Colin Farrell and you can have this for free? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alicja_Bachleda)

[justrob]

...although I doubt they hate their clients significantly more than any other customer service provider does.

They might though. I mean almost every customer fucks them in one way or another.

I have never visited one but I don't see anything wrong with it. The biggest drawback for me is that it's illegal here. Pretty much the same attitude I have about most drugs, I don't see a problem with them except that they are illegal. If I were in an area where it was legal and I had enough spare money to visit an, at least fairly, attractive one I might.

[Sunspace]

I'm such a dork, I wouldn't even know how to go about finding a prostitute. Or buying drugs, for that matter.Look in the Yellow Pages under "Escort Services"?

[Larry Mudd]

In a committed relationship, so the correct answer is obviously, "No way!"

After a bunch of hypotheticals, I would say that I wouldn't rule it out entirely. Certainly wouldn't consider relying on a street prostitute. If I were single and had a troubling surplus of disposable income, maybe.


Generally, any time I've felt a need to get laid in a hurry it hasn't been difficult enough to warrant getting my cheque-book out as a solution. In the past, when I've felt that way it's had a lot to do with the fact that I was trippin' balls. I expect that most escorts that I would consider frequenting would probably balk at "serving" someone who was off their ass on E, so it would probably always make more sense to go to some sort of a club and find some woman who was in a similar state of need-it-right-now.

So, maybe... if I was single... and in a pharmaceutically-induced rut... and too unattractive due to age or other factors to successfully shop it around.. and able to find a safe-seeming professional who didn't mind spending a few hours with some sad old tweaker... and I didn't have anything more pressing to spend the cash on, why, yes, I'd give that option a shot.

I hope it never comes to that, though.

[Balthisar]

Also, if I hear about a single guy or group of guys going on vacation to places like Brazil, Argentina, Thailand, Poland or Amsterdam, I generally assume they are probably going to hit up some prostitutes.
Three of us guys (two married, one single) found ourselves in Amsterdam in November, at the tail end of a business trip. Okay, we didn't "find ourselves" there; we made it a point to spend our last night there prior to leaving from Shiphol the next morning.

Our first problem after getting downtown was how to get to the red light district. We were afraid to ask a taxi driver or passerby. I got a wifi signal on my iPhone (no EU service), Wikipedia'd it, and Google Maps got us there. Turns out it was more of a tourist area than where we got off the tram! In retrospect it was stupid to be afraid to ask in the first place.

Anyway, after window shopping, we went back to the weird hotel, and I don't know if the other two guys left again, but I merely went to sleep.

[PopeJewish]

I got curious one time in tokyo after being assaulted all the way to and most of the way home from several bars/clubs by the "massage" girls, so I went in for a hand job. Worst. Handjob. Ever. Interesting experience, but I wouldn't go back, and I'd never pay for sex though I disagree with the illegality of prostitution

[Cicero]

This probably needs to be classified by age as well- a lot seem to have been with a hooker when young, but wouldn't go near one now.

[NineToTheSky]

Many years ago, when I was young and single, I was at a party, and I went in to the kitchen. The only other person there was a girl. We just looked at each other, and you could almost see the spark that leapt across the room between us. She just laid back on the table, and we had a fantastic time. It was over very quickly, we didn't talk, we went our separate ways, and I've never seen her again. If she had said 'You can have me for £x', I'm sure I would have said yes, and handed over the cash. So I can see a situation where I would have paid for sex; but the qualifier is that there would have to be something there in the first place. That time it was pure, naked, primal attraction.

But entering cold heartedly into a business transaction for sex would be a total turn off for me. I just couldn't do it.

[tacoloco]

I'd have no problem going to a prostitute. Caveat being that I'm happily married and have desire to do so. I'd have to be single and free of any sort of relationship to be able to.

The thing is, if I did it, it would be for the experience. I can't see myself ever being "so desperate" that I would feel compelled to seek one out.

[StusBlues]

Yes, but why would you order a pizza if you're Colin Farrell and you can have this for free? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alicja_Bachleda)

Easy. Say she's got a gig across the pond and he's on a movie shoot in Toronto and wants some soft, feminine companionship accompanied by release. If you're Coln Farrell and don't have any issues with hiring a sex worker, it's a quick, uncomplicated thing. Not unlike ordering a pizza.

Try telling that to Alicja, though.