I hate instant messaging

[tdn]

Seriously, we've got war, famine, pestilence, human rigths violations, crime, and QVC. But is there any worse example of human suffering than instant messaging?

Last night I got home late and tired, and I just wanted to chill. I had a few minor things I needed to do first, a couple of them on my computer. One thing I needed to do was quickly check out some music that a friend had posted on Facebook. I logged on, found his songs, and clicked one of them to play. The first few measures were beautiful. His playing has really come along, and the sweet tones of his guitar were perfect for my relaxation.

Ahh, welcome to peace and quiet.

*popup*

"hey"

"whatcha up to"

"how ru"

Oh god. My cousin knows I'm online and wants to chat, mostly about inane non-topics. I can't really ignore her, she knows I'm online and ignoring her would be a bit rude. And I want to listen to my friend's music, but I can't do so without carrying on this extremely boring conversation that I just didn't have the energy for.

Call me. You're welcome to leave a message. E-mail me. I'll respond when I can give you my full attention. But to hang out waiting for friends and family to come online so you can distract them from whatever they're trying to do just bugs me.

And yeah, I know I can disable these things, but it sucks that they come enabled by default. Shouldn't they be opt-in rather than opt-out?

kthxbye

[Hal Briston]

*popup*
"hey"
"whatcha up to"
"how ru"

"Hiya Cousin -- doing fine, thanks. Sorry, but I've got some stuff I need to take care of before I hit the sack. I'll catch you next time, ok?"

And yeah, chats like this are annoying as hell. Is there a stealth mode?

[tdn]

That's basically what I said.

[jonesj2205]

Well it is a social networking site so I can understand why the default is enabled. The good news is if you make your chat status offline it stays that way until you change it or chat with someone, so it's not like you have to keep doing it.

[kayaker]

she knows I'm online and ignoring her would be a bit rude.

I ignore stuff like that all the time. Maybe I'm rude, but I'm happy.:D <--See?

[ZipperJJ]

I stopped turning on IM after 5 PM unless i'm in the mood to chat. Otherwise my business partner sees me online and wants me to work.

I turned off chat on Facebook a long time ago. The first time MY cousin said "hey what's up?" at an in-opportune time. Silence ever since.

[tdn]

I turned off chat on Facebook a long time ago.

How? I'd search around for that option, but I have to be online for a while to do it.

[Zsofia]

I ignore it all the time - who's to say that since Facebook is up in some window that you're actually looking at it?

[Rushgeekgirl]

I keep mine offline on FB too, or I did until they did some recent update. I have all these old friends and distant relatives who decide to make chitchat with me and it inevitably comes to "hey let's get together" and I don't want to get together with these people. That's why I have Facebook, so we can keep up THAT way.

I never liked IMs from back in my AOL days either.

[AuntiePam]

I ignore it all the time - who's to say that since Facebook is up in some window that you're actually looking at it?

Exactly. Just because you're online doesn't mean you're in that window, or that you're even at the computer. I don't like IM either, or chat rooms. It was fun for awhile, when I first got the computer, but it got old fast. But then so did I. :)

[control-z]

How? I'd search around for that option, but I have to be online for a while to do it.

Just turned mine off. We have a company page that I monitor, but I bet friends think I'm goofing off on Facebook all day. Click on the chat in the lower left corner, the click on Options, you'll see an Offline option.

[gardentraveler]

Just turned mine off. We have a company page that I monitor, but I bet friends think I'm goofing off on Facebook all day. Click on the chat in the lower left corner, the click on Options, you'll see an Offline option.THANK YOU!!!

I love my cousins, but they're apt to pop in when I totally don't feel like chatting. They're far away, so it's actually cool to chat when I feel like it, but they're much chattier than I am.

Tried to figure out how to go offline the other day and couldn't find it.

[Elysium]

So true. I hate gchat as well. I have friends who seem to sit on gchat their whole work days just talking about nothing.

I'll keep my gmail open in a window just in case I get anything in, and I usually hide my availability. But I think gmail assumes you want to be on gchat if you're signed in, so several times I get "Hey, what's up!" messages.

I'm at work, that's what's up. Working. In five different windows. Not chatting. I usually ignore it and if they ask me later just tell them I was too busy to even notice the chat was up. Who has time for that?

[control-z]

The web works to make all these connections, we work to break them. :)

[Ellen Cherry]

What is it with cousins? :mad:

[Athena]

I love it. But I use it pretty much 100% for work, and I don't allow casual friends to know my IM name.

It's a lifesaver for remote work; it's a great solution for things that might take a while and don't need constant active conversation. For example, a client might IM me saying "hey, what's the URL and login info for the new DB server?" I might be in the middle of something, so I type back "sec..." I finish what I'm doing, then go dig around for the info they're looking for, and IM them back. They're not sitting on the phone listening to me type for 5 minutes, and they are also not tied to their desk waiting for my reply - they can run and get a cup of coffee or whatever and when they come back they have their answer waiting for them.

They get an answer quicker than they would with an email. I didn't have the intrusion of a phone call, where it's awkward to say "let me call you back" or "wait for 5 minutes while I finish my current task and look up the info for you." Plus phone calls always seem to involve at least several minutes of chit-chat, or the person isn't at their desk and you have to try again or leave a message, or whatever.

I think back situations with IM are either like the OP, where they're being forced to casually chat at a bad time, or people who don't seem to get the async quality of it and who treat it like a phone call. I know a few people like that, who will type something then sit and wait for a reply, and if it doesn't come right away they act like you would on the phone if the other person was strangely quiet. "Hey, r u there? did u get my msg?" when they don't get a reply in 10 seconds.

But yeah, if I had friends/relatives who IM me like in the OP, it'd drive me nuts. Or if my mother figured out I was on IM all day and she started using it. I'd have to kill myself in that situation.

[Gedd]

I always just happen to answer someone when they seriously need to talk, not just chat. That is a bad thing. I never realized how important inflection, timing, and facial expression are in a conversation until my gf was overseas and we could only talk via IM. Ouch, talk about misunderstandings. I finally got smart and would lead a statement with things like <enter sarcasm> and such if I was being sarcastic just to be safe.

[Inner Stickler]

I turn facebook chat off every single damn day but there's something screwy and if I reload a page it will sometimes open up again. Very frustrating especially when I check facebook just before leaving for the day and coming home to 47 chats all asking where I am.

[Sister Vigilante]

Heh, my cousin did this to me too, my first time on Facebook. We actually hadn't chatted in a while so I caught up with her. Then I promptly turned it off and it has remained off ever since.

I do use AIM though, but that's for online-only friends, not people I know in real life.

[tdn]

I think that the worst it ever got for me was when I was talking to someone over a web site's e-mail system. We then moved to regular e-mail, which we were doing so rapid-fire that it was almost like texting. But she kept going with the web sites e-mail, AND she fired up that site's chat. So it was like having three conversations all at once. It was out of control. I ended up closing that site so that it forced us to communicate on only one channel.

[Perciful]

AOL Instant Messaging is for tracking down and bothering people that have better things to do. It's another form of an electronic leash like the cell phone. I won't have it on my pc. I like privacy.

[Autolycus]

Sheesh, the balls on that cousin! The nerve! Such kutzpah, engaging in human contact with a program designed for such a purpose.

On the other hand, I can relate to annoying IMs. This one guy Facebook chats with me, and I swear he's retarded.... I feel bad ignoring/unfriending him.

[xash]

On Facebook, you can create different friend groups, and be online to only groups you want to be online to. The rest will always see you as offline.

[friedo]

On Facebook, you can create different friend groups, and be online to only groups you want to be online to. The rest will always see you as offline.

Until a friend from your Group A, who is also friends with a guy in your Group B writes on his wall, "omg just hade a gr8 chat w/xash!!!!11"

Then you end up friendless.

My solution: no Facebook. :p

[Caprese]

I have one son who lives in Paris, France, and another three hours away.
I love Google chat. Rather than pestering them, I mostly wait for them to chat me (if they are not invisible, which I sometimes use and I know they use it, too).
It is a convenient, free way to communicate; I like the spontaneity and the brevity.
We once bought one of the kids an airline ticket while on gchat; it was really helpful to be able to figure out logistics online.

[gardentraveler]

Until a friend from your Group A, who is also friends with a guy in your Group B writes on his wall, "omg just hade a gr8 chat w/xash!!!!11"

Then you end up friendless.

My solution: no Facebook. :pRule #1 - don't create separate groups for people who know each other (except maybe if a subgroup has a specific interest or something).

And I agree with Caprese that chat is a wonderful thing (I planned a possible cruise with one of my cousins through chat just yesterday....), but I also like to browse things in peace without having popups all over the place. So...controlling chat is the really important part. I don't log into chat unless I really want to talk.

[Ann Onimous]

I had the chat on once. A coworker came on and wanted to chat. This is a coworker from a different office, so I only know him by phone: he's a really nice guy, but it was 12:30am and he was beyond drunk. I chatted with him for a bit, but then turned the computer off and went to sleep. Chat has been off since.

[Richard Pearse]

I pretty much always have a Facebook page open, but it's quite rare that I'm actually doing something on Facebook, so I legitimately don't see a lot of Facebook chat messages, no one seems to care if I don't reply.

[GESancMan]

Turning off the chat function was the second thing I learned how to do upon joining Facebook - after blocking applications.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Instant messaging works best if the two persons using it on on the same page.

My favorite young cousin & I use it quite a bit. I don't expect her to have always have time to talk to me, and I don't perceive her as expecting the reverse. The conversations generally begin with something like ":: ringing your bell to see if you're at the computer ::"; if the recipient has time to chat, fine, if not we just send emails.

On the other hand, the young child of a good friend of mine will talk my ear off, given the chance. But she doesn't seem to get upset when I say, "Hey, shorty, I have to dash, have a good one and kiss your mom for me." I can see how it would be vexing if she didn't catch a clue, though.

[FordTaurusSHO94]

I've got a few people that I have moved to a list I keep offline. I don't mind chatting with the rest.

[gladtobeblazed]

I leave my computer on and connected to the internet 24/7. I also have Skype open 24/7. I'll respond when I feel like it.

[Richard Pearse]

Instant messaging works best if the two persons using it on on the same page.
That's a good point. I'll often have Skype conversations with my Mum where we never sign off or say goodbye or anything one of just just stops talking and the other assumes they've gone off to do something else or run out of things to say.

[Ruby]

My corporate office has a proprietary IM program. I was thrilled to find it when I started there in March. Much to my dismay, not a soul in my department knew how to use nor did they even WANT to know about it. I work with Neanderthals. ::rolleyes::

[Projammer]

I'm with gladtobeblazed. My work computer stays on and logged in 24/7 with FB and all other IM apps that I have an account on via Trillian. I'll respond when I respond.

Or never.

[Least Original User Name Ever]

I leave my computer on and connected to the internet 24/7. I also have Skype open 24/7. I'll respond when I feel like it.

I don't Skype or anything, but this is it. So what? They send you a message. That doesn't mean you have to respond to it immediately...

...or at all.