Forgetting a female

[AClockworkMelon]

What is up with people and their drive-by relationship threads? (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=563043)
Found my brother-in-law's diary in my wife's underwear drawer (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=562910)
Ladies (primarily): what blind spots to check for as a man whom women value only as a friend? (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=562832)
Girlfriend is spending a lot of time talking to a new guy friend of hers online. Should I worry? (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=562143)

I'm sure a lot of you know most of my back story, given how eagerly I regurgitate it into every relationship thread I visit. But for the uninformed, here it is:
I first met my ex online when I was maybe 17. I, the ultimate nerd, was hosting a... wait for it... Harry Potter server on Neverwinter Nights (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neverwinter_Nights). It wasn't until about a half a year later that we started talking outside the game and by December of 2007 we'd decided that she would fly down to Arizona from Florida for my 18th birthday in February of '08- she was 23 at the time.

So the day of my 18th birthday, after tearfully handing off her son to his father and his wife (this is a great story, isn't it?) she flew down and moved in with me (yup, I still lived with my mom at the time). A month later we flew to Florida to pack up her shit in her car and drive cross-country back to Phoenix. Pulling onto the highway and leaving Lakeland was my first time driving and in Baton Rouge, Louisiana I was given my first speeding ticket.

Within three or four months we'd moved into our own place and there we stayed until November '09 when she broke up with me and kicked me out of our apartment. I took it pretty well and moved in with my best friend where I stayed until this last March, when my friend moved back in with his mom and so I had to move back in with mine. I've slept with a few girls since the breakup (not as many as I'd like but it's hard when you're newly broke and living with your mom) and generally moved on with my life. I'm sure most people go through a phase where they feel their life is over due to lost love but the entire incident has sort of blunted my feelings towards the girls that I've been with; I haven't been in a relationship since the breakup (despite, I'm proud to say, requests) because of that.

A few days ago, as you all know, we got hit by a relationship-thread hurricane, which turns out to have been terrible timing for me- it got me thinking about my ex again. About an hour ago I saw that she recently made an OkCupid account and, due to our high match rating, has had all her updates flooding my home page. I was hit by the finality of it all: She was out there dating again. It triggered in me a powerful reaction and I had something of an anxiety attack right here on my couch. I added her to my hide list but the damage is done, I guess you could say. Now I keep flipping back and forth between crushing emo-anguish and consuming anger/hatred in what feels like the emotional reaction I failed to have when we first broke up. Most of all I'm confused- we've been broken up for a while now and I thought I'd moved on but here I am, months later, having a mini breakdown.Tl;dr - I'm sitting around despairing over a female and looking for an outlet. Well, boys and girls, you're it. I fully expect and accept the emo and pussy labels I'm about to receive, so fire away. Typing something that I know someone will read seems therapeutic, so here we are.

[ajb867]

Son, I am disapoint.

EDIT: and shit.

[AClockworkMelon]

Son, I am disapoint.Am sorry. (http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/2/22/1252555993318.jpg)

[the lone cashew]

What was the question?

[AClockworkMelon]

What was the question?It was a piece of mundane pointless stuff I must share. There is no question.

[the lone cashew]

Seriously, The best way to get over a woman is finding another good woman for yourself. Locating a good woman can be a challenge, many are already taken so it's a matter of being in the right place at the right time. A little luck helps, I wish you the best.

[jjimm]

Delayed angst is something I've experienced - broke up with my wife (mutually), and jumped straight in with the hottest woman I've ever spent time with (google Lucy Pinder - she looked like that), let alone slept with. I was happy as a pig in shit, and fell in love. After four months she cheated on me and left me, and only then did I lose the plot. I put it down entirely to her at the time, but now I think about it a couple of years on, I am sure my mental collapse was actually a delayed realisation that I had lost my partner of more than 10 years and the life that I had known and enjoyed for all that time.Seriously, The best way to get over a woman is finding another good woman for yourself.As my story above illustrates, sometimes doing this just delays the inevitable. According to all the literature I read and counselling I received, it's best to "work through" the misery and come out the other side a better and stronger person.

[Autolycus]

This too, shall pass.

Sorry, it's the best I got at the moment.

[Martiju]

This too, shall pass.

Sorry, it's the best I got at the moment.

Trite - but true. At the grand age of 36 I've finally come to realise that everything feels better after time - convincing yourself that that will happen is the tricky bit. Focus on the positives about being single and carefree and it's amazing just how quickly you can move on...honest!

[the lone cashew]

She wasn't a good woman if she cheated on you, jjimm. I am sorry that happened to you but finding a good woman shouldn't be compared to what you experienced with the pinder look-a-like. I stand by my advice.

Nothing is better to help heal than finding another good person to be with, a time of wallow is unnecessary and no damn fun. I used to be president of the feel-sorry-for-myself club. This is no organization to cater to, believe me. This is not what anyone really needs.

[gladtobeblazed]

The only person in the whole universe who actually cares about your happiness is yourself. You can either wallow in misery or you can do something about it. The choice is up to you, nobody else gives a shit. So you had a mini-breakdown, big deal, that's just part of life. You can't let it overwhelm you, try to take control of the situation and move on.

[BigT]

The only advice I have is that it's really hard to forget anything if you are deliberately trying to forget. You have to somehow distract yourself, not sit and try to forget.

And don't chastise yourself when she comes back to mind. Acknowledge the thought, and then move on as best you can. You may even need a bit of grieving time. But try to choose when that is. Give yourself x amount of minutes to think about it, and move on.

Note: I wouldn't suggest that if he wasn't wanting to forget. That's what takes grieving for a loved one so much longer. You don't want to forget about them.

[AClockworkMelon]

Delayed angst is something I've experienced - broke up with my wife (mutually), and jumped straight in with the hottest woman I've ever spent time with (google Lucy Pinder - she looked like that), let alone slept with. I was happy as a pig in shit, and fell in love. After four months she cheated on me and left me, and only then did I lose the plot. I put it down entirely to her at the time, but now I think about it a couple of years on, I am sure my mental collapse was actually a delayed realisation that I had lost my partner of more than 10 years and the life that I had known and enjoyed for all that time.

As my story above illustrates, sometimes doing this just delays the inevitable. According to all the literature I read and counselling I received, it's best to "work through" the misery and come out the other side a better and stronger person.Your story might have the moral that it's not wise to attempt to rebound after a breakup, but the way I look at it, you would have dealt with that period of depression either way. At least the way you went you had a period of depression and you fucked a beautiful woman.

Nothing is better to help heal than finding another good person to be with, a time of wallow is unnecessary and no damn fun. I used to be president of the feel-sorry-for-myself club. This is no organization to cater to, believe me. This is not what anyone really needs.

The only person in the whole universe who actually cares about your happiness is yourself. You can either wallow in misery or you can do something about it. The choice is up to you, nobody else gives a shit. So you had a mini-breakdown, big deal, that's just part of life. You can't let it overwhelm you, try to take control of the situation and move on.As I said, I've been with a few girls since the breakup. I'm just dealing with the confusion at only experiencing the emotional fallout of that relationship now. I don't plan on letting this slow me down.

The only advice I have is that it's really hard to forget anything if you are deliberately trying to forget. You have to somehow distract yourself, not sit and try to forget.

And don't chastise yourself when she comes back to mind. Acknowledge the thought, and then move on as best you can. You may even need a bit of grieving time. But try to choose when that is. Give yourself x amount of minutes to think about it, and move on.

Note: I wouldn't suggest that if he wasn't wanting to forget. That's what takes grieving for a loved one so much longer. You don't want to forget about them.This is good advice. I don't think a new girl, like cashew suggested, is a special cure in and of itself. It's the fact that it's something to take your mind off of what's happened. Come tomorrow, I won't allow myself to dedicate any more of my time to her memory.

[gladtobeblazed]

As I said, I've been with a few girls since the breakup. I'm just dealing with the confusion at only experiencing the emotional fallout of that relationship now. I don't plan on letting this slow me down.

Emotions are funny that way. Just when you think you've got them under control they come out of nowhere to bite you on the ass. It's nothing to worry about unless it's seriously affecting your life.

Hell just yesterday I realized that my mother had been dead for 16 years to the day. It felt like getting kicked in the gut and I even shed a tear. But it only lasted 20 seconds. But, even though it felt terrible, it felt good afterwards. Sometimes it's good to remember, even if the memories bring pain.

I think those little breakdowns are good. It's all the shit that got stored up inside you that you conveniently ignored, violently erupting. It's better than keeping it bottled up where it eats away at you, sometimes so slowly you don't even know it's eating you up.

Maybe I'm making sense, maybe not. I'm just rambling.

[Cicero]

Go and find a street girl and get laid. Other than that alcohol is your answer.

[olivesmarch4th]

Well, this explains a lot of your posts. I'm sorry you've had it so rough lately.

As someone who's been through my share of painful shit, I recommend against avoidance behavior. The sooner you let yourself feel this grief the sooner you'll be able to move beyond it and begin to live something of a normal life. If you need to wallow for a while, then wallow. Eventually you'll get tired of it and get back on your feet.

Just don't give up on love. Ever. That's the coward's way out if you ask me.

[Ravenman]

Allow me to use a metaphor: a golfer goes to a legendary coach and says, "I need help. I just can't sink any putts at all." The coach hears this, and starts leading the golfer toward the driving range, not the putting green. The golfer pauses and says, "Wait, didn't you hear me? I need help with my putting."

The coach says, "I know you. You're a good putter. If you aren't making putts, you aren't getting yourself close enough to the hole."

Same advice applies here. The way to get a good relationship going to overcome your last one isn't to go looking for girls under every rock you can find.

You need to work on yourself -- get your shit together, get a better job, work out more, lose 10 pounds, get a better haircut, challenge yourself to do new and more interesting things, etc. If you get your life together, you'll better understand what a fool you were to make those bad decisions that you did, and also attract better women who will put the last one to shame.

[Munch]

First - you gotta get off of OKC. It's a great dating site, but you've got to get away from her. It's too easy to become obsessed and start making bad decisions. Get on LotsOfFish.com or something else in the meantime. (Just be glad your ex isn't incredibly active on the OKC forums like mine is...)

Secondly - you're doing fine. Getting over people sucks, and it hurts. The most important part is realizing that, which you already have. "Hey, I'm acting irrational here..." It's okay to be irrational every now and then, just so long as you're self-aware (and don't make a regular occurence of it).

Third - get out there. You already have, so you know you can do it. The worst is when your "despair" is so crippling you don't think you can attract anyone else ever again. But you can - you've gotten laid a number of times since the breakup. Keep doing that!

[Wheelz]

For god's sake, youre 20!
Just live your life. Trust me, somebody you spent a year with when you were a teenager will be a mere blip on your life's radar in no time at all.

Mind you, I'm not trying to trivialize what you're feeling now. The emotions are real, and they're painful. Nobody will be able to give you any advice that will make everything all better today. Just don't let it paralyze you, and the time will come when you'll wonder what you were so upset about.

Oh, and about "forgetting" her? You won't, so stop trying. I've got my share of broken romances in my past, and I remember every single one. It's just that they're not that big a deal to me anymore. You'll get there.

[Reply]

You're an emo pussy. There.

But then again, most people are to some degree. You're hardly unique in that respect. We're only human.

It's ok. Things will get better :)

[AClockworkMelon]

You're an emo pussy.I'm feeling tougher already! ;)

First - you gotta get off of OKC. It's a great dating site, but you've got to get away from her. It's too easy to become obsessed and start making bad decisions. Get on LotsOfFish.com or something else in the meantime. (Just be glad your ex isn't incredibly active on the OKC forums like mine is...)I have a fair amount of self-control. If not I think I would have read her profile as soon as I saw her face next to an update. I immediately added her to my hide list. So at this point I'm as likely to decide to look her up on any other site as I am on OkCupid. I might try LotsOfFish anyway- always good to cast wide nets. I wasn't even aware OkCupid had a forum. What do they talk about? Dating? :P

Third - get out there. You already have, so you know you can do it. The worst is when your "despair" is so crippling you don't think you can attract anyone else ever again. But you can - you've gotten laid a number of times since the breakup. Keep doing that!I'll try! :D

For god's sake, youre 20!
Just live your life. Trust me, somebody you spent a year with when you were a teenager will be a mere blip on your life's radar in no time at all.Look at this way: I've only been an adult for two years. I knew her for six months before that. So nearly the entirety of my adult life has had her in it as my SO. That being said, I appreciate the sentiment and I'm carrying on.

Oh, and about "forgetting" her? You won't, so stop trying. I've got my share of broken romances in my past, and I remember every single one. It's just that they're not that big a deal to me anymore. You'll get there.You're right, forgetting will be impossible. But I can try to create so many new memories that the ones I have with her seem inconsequential. I'm working on that.

[overlyverbose]

Wait a minute. This woman gave up her kid to move in with you? No offense, but she doesn't sound like a winner. Then again, I have no frame of reference.

Anyway, I'm sorry you're going through this. Perhaps you could take up a hobby/set a goal/something else to get your mind off her? Is there any way you could block her profile?

[Ogre]

You won't forget her. Sorry, but you won't. You're not supposed to. She was part of your life, and if you forgot her, you'd be less than what you are now. I know people talk about forgetting all about their former lives when they find "the one", but it's bull. You've had an experience that helped shape you. Don't fucking puss out and forget about it.

I'm very happily married, with a beautiful child. I wouldn't go back and change things now, but still, there was this one woman who got away that haunts my dreams sometimes.

It happens. Stop being a mopey retard and go live your life.

[AClockworkMelon]

Jesus, I didn't think I was being that mopey or retarded. :P I never mentioned my life grinding to a halt because of this or anything. Maybe you have me confused with other posters. And btw, I said emo and pussy! I never said you could call me a retard. ;)

And yes, overlyverbose, she left a child to live with me. At the time I took it as a testament to how much she loved me. Now I think she only used me to get away from her life (which she admitted to hating).

[Munch]

I wasn't even aware OkCupid had a forum. What do they talk about? Dating?
Well, the men seem to all spend their time flirting with the women and the women spend their time posting semi-nude pictures of themselves and talking about all the casual sex they have. I don't have any doubts as to how internet anonymity can change people's online personas, but it's jarring to see it happening in real time.

[AClockworkMelon]

Well, the men seem to all spend their time flirting with the women and the women spend their time posting semi-nude pictures of themselves and talking about all the casual sex they have. I don't have any doubts as to how internet anonymity can change people's online personas, but it's jarring to see it happening in real time.Flirting on forums is part of my bag, but I don't think it'd be efficient on a dating forum. Over-hunting has likely thinned the herd.

[Ravenman]

What hobbies do you have other than online games and posting on message boards?

[Munch]

Flirting on forums is part of my bag, but I don't think it'd be efficient on a dating forum. Over-hunting has likely thinned the herd.

Yeah - and it looks like a pretty small clique. So you'd be flirting with a handful of people scattered throughout the country. With your history, I'd stick with local flavor for now!

[AClockworkMelon]

What hobbies do you have other than online games and posting on message boards?I'm a gamer (360 games, D&D, Warhammer, etc), I'm a writer, I'm a reader, I'm a film buff and I have an interest in magic (my buddy- the one I lived with- and I are both magic buffs and we practice tricks quite regularly for one another). I'm basically a huge nerd. But I make nerd sexy. :cool:

I don't have cool hobbies like kayaking or painting, though.

If you want to get a feel with what I'm working with, you can check here (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/aclockworkmelon).

For those who have already seen my OkCupid profile: I completely redid it last night. I think for the better.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

You're not a pussy. Getting your heart ripped out at least once is almost a prerequiste for becoming an adult.

As trite as it sounds, you DO get over it (I mean really get over it, not just push it into the back of emotional closet until it randomly leaps out at you and stomps on your balls). You actually do get to a point where you truly don't give a shit on any level anymore.

The thing that helps the most is another relationship, but it should be a natural and healthy relationship, nothing forced.

I think a significant part of what people miss when a relationship ends isn't necessarily the person, per se but the whole gestalt of BEING in a relationship.

It's like if you have a car that's kind of a piece of shit, but it's a car, and then it dies and you don't have a car for a while and it totally blows. You miss your car, but it isn't really so much that you miss THAT car, you just miss HAVING a car. Once you get another car, you never even think about the old POS car anymore.

You're only 20. I guarantee that within 5 years you'll be able to walk right past this chick in a supermarket and not even notice or recognize her.

If I have any advice at all, it's not to be afraid of trying relationships again. That doesn't mean you'll be right the first time you try, but you'll have your eyes open this time. Look more for friendship aspects in relationships than sexual aspects. The more you can enjoy just hanging out with a woman when you're not having sex, the better the relationship is going to be.

[Munch]

Dude - my college roommate was into amateur magic. The guy can get women like no one's business with that stuff. He has a fake thumb on his person at all times, and has coin tricks as backup. Simple, short, non-intrusive stuff can REALLY draw someone in. Don't turn yourself into a sideshow, use it strictly as an icebreaker, and then later to impress her friends.

[Alice The Goon]

Seriously, The best way to get over a woman is finding another good woman for yourself. Locating a good woman can be a challenge, many are already taken so it's a matter of being in the right place at the right time. A little luck helps, I wish you the best.


And sometimes a good woman can be right under your nose, and you don't even know it.

[StusBlues]

And sometimes a good woman can be right under your nose, and you don't even know it.

If this is true in real life, you may have a cold.

[AClockworkMelon]

Thanks, Dio.

Dude - my college roommate was into amateur magic. The guy can get women like no one's business with that stuff. He has a fake thumb on his person at all times, and has coin tricks as backup. Simple, short, non-intrusive stuff can REALLY draw someone in. Don't turn yourself into a sideshow, use it strictly as an icebreaker, and then later to impress her friends.I've used magic to impress girls, so definitely.

My favorite is basically the simplest on the planet. Cut the deck and show her the bottom card of one of the halves while sneaking a peek at the bottom of the other. Pop up a few trick shuffles and then tell her that you'll be able to recognize when you've reached her card by looking into her eyes. Breeze through the deck until you've reached the card you peeked at. Hers will be the next one.

It basically gives me the excuse to stare into her eyes in a social situation. I know it sounds cheesy as I describe it, but the shit works.

[StusBlues]

Flirting on forums is part of my bag, but I don't think it'd be efficient on a dating forum. Over-hunting has likely thinned the herd.

This is a good point. Honestly, I've never met a girlfriend when I was "looking" for a girlfriend. I've had more luck just being involved with groups of good people and cultivating a good, general social network. Romance takes care of itself.

How I met my current gf: Here I am, standing in church, waiting for a board member to help me count the offering. Extremely cute young lady (EASILY the most attractive woman in the room) walks up to me, arm extended, and says "Hi, I'm *****, and everyone says I need to meet you." Three weeks later, she makes a Facebook post about her niece's potty training. I reply that my niece had an interesting episode recently as well, and if she wanted to go to an art show/jazz concert with me, I'd tell her all about it. Within the week, we were living together.

[StusBlues]

Dude - my college roommate was into amateur magic. The guy can get women like no one's business with that stuff. He has a fake thumb on his person at all times, and has coin tricks as backup. Simple, short, non-intrusive stuff can REALLY draw someone in. Don't turn yourself into a sideshow, use it strictly as an icebreaker, and then later to impress her friends.

I have a friend who does that too. Works great for her.

[Munch]

Three weeks later, she makes a Facebook post about her niece's potty training. I reply that my niece had an interesting episode recently as well, and if she wanted to go to an art show/jazz concert with me, I'd tell her all about it. Within the week, we were living together.

Moral of the story: Talk about poop more.

[Tom Scud]

It basically gives me the excuse to stare into her eyes in a social situation. I know it sounds cheesy as I describe it, but the shit works.

Well, no shit. Because she knows just as well as you know that this is about an excuse to stare into her eyes. Cf, on some other thread, the "oh, let me look at those rings you're wearing" bit.

[Alice The Goon]

Moral of the story: Talk about poop more.

No, the moral of the story seems to be: Women that you meet in church are easy.:p

[AClockworkMelon]

Well, no shit. Because she knows just as well as you know that this is about an excuse to stare into her eyes.Well, yeah.

[StusBlues]

No, the moral of the story seems to be: Women that you meet in church are easy.:p

Well, Unitarians anyway.

[AClockworkMelon]

Maybe I should convert to Christianity and start praying with these Unitarians.

I mean "pray" in the Shakespearian sense, of course.

[Tom Scud]

Ya don't even need to convert to Christianity - they're pretty open-minded that way.

[StusBlues]

Maybe I should convert to Christianity and start praying with these Unitarians.




The first part would not be necessary, I assure you.

ETA: Beat me to it, Tom.

[Enderw24]

Drown your sorrows in a milk bar?

[melodyharmonius]

what if we pretend your ex is a horcrux - so you must therefore destroy her? Well, but wait - she ripped apart your heart - did she rip a bit of your soul too? Because then you want to stay away from her and wish her only well so your soul can survive for your revenge.

I'm silly, I know.

It does get better - you'll survive. And not all pussies are bad things. The emo thing reminds me too much of elmo - and that just gives me images of red furry things yelling "tickle me!"

Enjoy the ride. The bumps along the way are cool. And if you are with the right partner, the bumps make her boobs bounce.

[AClockworkMelon]

what if we pretend your ex is a horcrux - so you must therefore destroy her? Well, but wait - she ripped apart your heart - did she rip a bit of your soul too? Because then you want to stay away from her and wish her only well so your soul can survive for your revenge.I'm not sure what's nerdier: My hosting a Harry Potter server or your making this comment. :smack:

[melodyharmonius]

I'm not sure what's nerdier: My hosting a Harry Potter server or your making this comment. :smack:

Nerdy? I beg to differ - we are both the hawtness. ;)

Actually, it was my bf's offhanded use of the word "muggles" in his OKC profile that first got my attention. Hence why I told him I wanted to "check him out like a Harry Potter novel." Course - he pointed out that books can only be checked out for 3 weeks and he was looking for something a bit more, y'know, long term. :cool:

Anyway, I made the horcrux comment so you wouldn't feel so 'nerdy' and alone. :D

[AClockworkMelon]

Nerdy? I beg to differ - we are both the hawtness. ;)Well, you're right, I certainly am hawt. :D

Actually, it was my bf's offhanded use of the word "muggles" in his OKC profile that first got my attention. Hence why I told him I wanted to "check him out like a Harry Potter novel." Course - he pointed out that books can only be checked out for 3 weeks and he was looking for something a bit more, y'know, long term. :cool:

Anyway, I made the horcrux comment so you wouldn't feel so 'nerdy' and alone. :DAs it turns out, while I enjoy the Harry Potter series, I have serious beefs with it and I'm not a megafan by any standards. It just so happened that there was some seriously awesome role play going on on this server and I wound up taking over the hosting/DMing responsibilities when the old host couldn't anymore.

Thanks for the thought, but I'm pretty confident that just about everyone on this message board is a nerd. :rolleyes:

[melodyharmonius]

I wouldn't say I'm a mega-fan either - just that the word "muggles" gave my bf immediate geek cred - if he knew what a muggle was, he was on a good track with me.

[AClockworkMelon]

Well, you are that kind of girl.

[melodyharmonius]

Lol -

I ain't the woman in red, I ain't the girl next door
But if somewhere in the middle's what you're lookin' for
I'm that kind of girl, yes I'm that kind of girl

(lyrics thanks to Patty Loveless).

[EvilTOJ]

If you want to get a feel with what I'm working with, you can check here (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/aclockworkmelon).

For those who have already seen my OkCupid profile: I completely redid it last night. I think for the better.

I just got bel-air'd!

[AClockworkMelon]

I just got bel-air'd!Was it as good for you as it was for me?

[Autolycus]

Ah, Hay-ul no!

[septimus]

It was a piece of mundane pointless stuff I must share. There is no question.

Guillaume Apollinaire had similar problems:
Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine
Et nos amours
Faut-il qu'il m'en souvienne
La joie venait toujours après la peine

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

Les mains dans les mains restons face à face
Tandis que sous
Le pont de nos bras passe
Des éternels regards l'onde si lasse

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

L'amour s'en va comme cette eau courante
L'amour s'en va
Comme la vie est lente
Et comme l'Espérance est violente

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

Passent les jours et passent les semaines
Ni temps passé
Ni les amours reviennent
Sous le pont Mirabeau coule la Seine

Vienne la nuit sonne l'heure
Les jours s'en vont je demeure

[ajb867]

My "girl" just came over after a night of binge drinking last night. In fact her friend I never spoke to was texting me on her phone saying she is afraid for her. Her friend had taken her phone because she texted me a whole sentence with only one actual word in it, which was "duck".... So she comes over, tells me she just stopped by because she wanted me to know she is alive, is a total douche to me, and starts crying for no reason. It gets better though, in her nostril is fucking coke. Yup, she's so far gone she comes over with cocaine still smeared in her nostril.


Besides back away slowly, what the fuck should I do?

[AClockworkMelon]

My "girl" just came over after a night of binge drinking last night. In fact her friend I never spoke to was texting me on her phone saying she is afraid for her. Her friend had taken her phone because she texted me a whole sentence with only one actual word in it, which was "duck".... So she comes over, tells me she just stopped by because she wanted me to know she is alive, is a total douche to me, and starts crying for no reason. It gets better though, in her nostril is fucking coke. Yup, she's so far gone she comes over with cocaine still smeared in her nostril.


Besides back away slowly, what the fuck should I do?The answer is obvious: Write an Offspring song about it.

[Superhal]

First is always the hardest, particularly in this case where it appears you were whipped so bad the cream actually liquefied.

Long story short, you'll never forget her, time heals all wounds, and just remember that you'll forget the crap and only remember the good stuff.

You should write down the crap now while it's still fresh in your mind.

[eleanorigby]

It's like if you have a car that's kind of a piece of shit, but it's a car, and then it dies and you don't have a car for a while and it totally blows. You miss your car, but it isn't really so much that you miss THAT car, you just miss HAVING a car. Once you get another car, you never even think about the old POS car anymore.




Dio--who knew you were such a romantic? :p



In essentials, Dio is right, even if he does think of the fairer sex in such terms. You're young. IMO, your best strength is your perspective on your ex and the now defunct relationship. Get off the computer and go meet some Ginnys, Hermiones and Lavendars. I have no doubt you will. (and the woman who leaves her kid for a 17 year old is NOT someone you want to spend time with longterm. Longterm meaning more than a year of your life. You're lucky you got THAT out of the way so early.)

[Cat Whisperer]

<snip>
Actually, it was my bf's offhanded use of the word "muggles" in his OKC profile that first got my attention. Hence why I told him I wanted to "check him out like a Harry Potter novel." Course - he pointed out that books can only be checked out for 3 weeks and he was looking for something a bit more, y'know, long term. :cool:

Anyway, I made the horcrux comment so you wouldn't feel so 'nerdy' and alone. :DMy husband and I basically met because my tagline on my online ad was "Female: Mostly Harmless." :D

<snip>and the woman who leaves her kid for a 17 year old is NOT someone you want to spend time with longterm. Longterm meaning more than a year of your life. You're lucky you got THAT out of the way so early.)
Agreed, and agreed. It sounds terribly complicated to date someone who has kids, but I'm pretty sure that the way to settle such an issue isn't the parent bailing on the kids.

Your twenties are for learning who you are as an adult, and experimenting and trying stuff; it's good to be single and date various people and try different careers and such.

[Omar Little]

Thanks, Dio.

I've used magic to impress girls, so definitely.

My favorite is basically the simplest on the planet. Cut the deck and show her the bottom card of one of the halves while sneaking a peek at the bottom of the other. Pop up a few trick shuffles and then tell her that you'll be able to recognize when you've reached her card by looking into her eyes. Breeze through the deck until you've reached the card you peeked at. Hers will be the next one.

It basically gives me the excuse to stare into her eyes in a social situation. I know it sounds cheesy as I describe it, but the shit works.

Ahh Melon...you've got to take this shit to the next level.

Don't stop flipping cards once you get to her card. Go ahead and flip it up and a few more. She now thinks that you've muffed up the trick. Then say, "I'll bet you ______________ (whatever flirty bet you want to insert here), that the next card I turn over is yours."

She'll think she's got you beat since her card is laying face up on the table. Then reach down and take her card and turn it over face down.

Oh and time heals all wounds.

[Perciful]

Get back out in circulation. It just was not meant to be. There is a saying about this, "Don't look back at the closed door so long that you don't notice the door that is open in front of you". Or something like that. Good Luck!

[Macnbaish]

My "girl" just came over after a night of binge drinking last night. In fact her friend I never spoke to was texting me on her phone saying she is afraid for her. Her friend had taken her phone because she texted me a whole sentence with only one actual word in it, which was "duck".... So she comes over, tells me she just stopped by because she wanted me to know she is alive, is a total douche to me, and starts crying for no reason. It gets better though, in her nostril is fucking coke. Yup, she's so far gone she comes over with cocaine still smeared in her nostril.


Besides back away slowly, what the fuck should I do?

If you don't want to be a part of that, then just tell her so. I know relationship advice is all easier said than done, because once emotions are involved logic flies out the window.

Sit her down and say "I've noticed this, this, and this. I'm not comfortable with those things. If you want that to be part of your life, I can't be. Please take some time to decide what you want out of your life..." You get the picture. Just express your feelings on the subject, and take it from there. The last thing you want to do is just ignore red flags.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Dio--who knew you were such a romantic? :p



In essentials, Dio is right, even if he does think of the fairer sex in such terms.
Not women, relationships. I was making an analogy about how even mediocre relationships can have some basic utility and comfort that you miss when they're gone, but not to mistake the specific car for the utility and comfort.

That doesn't sound very romantic either, I guess, but I'm just trying to say a lot of people will miss having a boyfriend/girlfriend even if the last one they had was a POS.