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jsgoddess
05-15-2010, 03:20 PM
... tells you that your current romantic relationship, no matter how spiffy you think it is, is actually a 3 on a 1-10 scale.

Indeed, the relationship fairy says, there is a 9 out there for you. Right there, in your city or the nearest town.

The fairy isn't going to reveal the identity of the 9. The fairy is kind of a dick, actually, and isn't going to help you in any other way to find your 9.

But the fairy will remove your memory of the visit if you'd rather not have learned about the 9.

So, what do you do? Do you break off your current 3 and seek the 9? You might not find the 9 at all, after all.

If not, do you tell the relationship fairy to erase your memory? Would it torment you to know there's a 9? Would it surprise you to know that there's a 9 and you have a 3?

Basically, is the relationship you've got better than a hypothetical one that would be better?

AClockworkMelon
05-15-2010, 03:25 PM
I'm not in a relationship, but I'd like to chime in to say that I'd almost always ask that the Relationship Fairy remove my memory of having met her. When I'm walking down the street every woman I pass might be the perfect one for me. Unless the Fairy is offering to help in any other way (which you already said she isn't), I'd say no unless I was getting ready to break up with my current girl anyway.

Also, I think you're going to get a lot of responses along the lines of "My partner and I are perfect for each other! We'll never break up!"

What would you do, OP?

Antigen
05-15-2010, 03:31 PM
I've been married for three weeks now and I don't think I'd believe the relationship fairy for a split second.

Even if we're not quite a 10 yet, working on it to get it there is part of the fun and the challenge.

jsgoddess
05-15-2010, 03:35 PM
What would you do, OP?

It's funny. My boyfriend and I pose these silly hypotheticals to each other all the time, and I know we discussed this one and continue to refer to it. "But you're my 3!" But I can't remember now what I even said.

I think I'm aware that there could, potentially, be a better match for me somewhere. After all, finding a partner is as much about location and luck and timing as it is about personality.

I think I'd be shocked at the huge disparity between what I think our relationship is and what the rf was saying. In the end, I think I'd say that I'm staying where I am, and erase my memory please.

Asimovian
05-15-2010, 03:38 PM
I don't think there's anything particularly helpful about being told "there's something better out there for you."

Rating my relationship on a scale of 1-10 isn't terribly important to me. The way I view things now, I have a certain set of desires to make me happy as an individual and within a relationship, and if those desires are being met, I'm going to be very satisfied. I'm not going to abandon a happy relationship for the possibility of discovering a relationship that makes me even happier. This is, in my mind, akin to saying, "You've won the lottery and you have $10 million in your bank account. But you COULD give that up and pick the right numbers that will get you $1 billion! The right numbers are out there. You may or may not find them. Good luck."

I'm generally not a fan of going around being ignorant, either, so it's hard for me to say I'd want my memory of the encounter to be erased. As is, I recognize that it's *possible* that there's someone out there who is a better match for me (and maybe more convenient, since I'm doing the long-distance thing). But I'm very happy with the woman I'm with, and I don't feel the need or even the desire to go searching for something better.

And just to counter ACM's comments, my relationship is not perfect, and I'm not predicting that it's going to last forever and ever. I'm just happy where I am with whom I'm with.

Quartz
05-15-2010, 03:51 PM
... tells you that your current romantic relationship, no matter how spiffy you think it is, is actually a 3 on a 1-10 scale.

Well, it's with the face in the mirror in the morning, so no surprise there.

Indeed, the relationship fairy says, there is a 9 out there for you. Right there, in your city or the nearest town.

The first question I have is whether the 9 is reflexive. She may be a good match for me, but how good a match am I for her? If a good match (not necessarily at the 9 level), then I definitely want to make the attempt. Otherwise I'd rather forget.

Basically, is the relationship you've got better than a hypothetical one that would be better?

In my case, it's a fairly definite, "Probably not." :D

Robot Arm
05-15-2010, 03:52 PM
So, what do you do? Do you break off your current 3 and seek the 9?I'm still looking for the 3.

jsgoddess
05-15-2010, 03:54 PM
The first question I have is whether the 9 is reflexive. She may be a good match for me, but how good a match am I for her? If a good match (not necessarily at the 9 level), then I definitely want to make the attempt. Otherwise I'd rather forget.

Ah, good point. Yes, it's a mutual thing.

But she may be in the same situation you are--with a 3 (or a 5 or a 1) already. That's why the relationship fairy is a dick.

AClockworkMelon
05-15-2010, 03:55 PM
That's why the relationship fairy is a dick.Stealing a line from The Invention of Lying, "I say fuck the Relationship Fairy!"

Asimovian
05-15-2010, 04:03 PM
Stealing a line from The Invention of Lying, "I say fuck the Relationship Fairy!"I'm pretty sure that there is universal agreement on the Relationship Fairy being a dick, no matter what we all say about the rest of the OP's question.

Spice Weasel
05-15-2010, 04:11 PM
The Relationship Fairy can take a hike.

For one thing, this new guy, whoever he is, he wasn't the one at my side through the darkest points in my life, he wasn't the one showing extraordinary levels of commitment through countless trials by fire. I went through some of the worst experiences of my life with Sr. Olives at my side, and he didn't even flinch, never hesitated, never once even considered walking away. He dragged my ass out of bed, fed me my medications, and kept telling me that I was wonderful and someday I would believe it and things were going to be better. He didn't do that for a few weeks or two months, he did it for years.

One day, I started believing him. It was a long, slow road back to life, but because he was there, I made it.

And for that I'm going to walk away from HIM just because my life might now be conceivably easier with another guy? Fuck that noise. The very least I owe him is my faithfulness. As long as he will have me, I'm his to have.

Grumman
05-15-2010, 04:24 PM
First, there's no way in hell I'm giving any jerkass fae permission to modify my memory. That's just asking for trouble.

Second, just because some jerkass fae says there's a 9 around, doesn't mean they aren't just lying to mess with me. After all, she's a jerkass. Maybe she's really the Break-Up Fairy.

If she was obviously a supernatural creature (flying, being six inches tall, or something like that), I'd tell my girlfriend what happened, otherwise, I'd ignore the whole thing.

Q.N. Jones
05-15-2010, 04:57 PM
I'm not sure what the scale is rating. But I'm guessing a 3 means the relationship is below average and has a lot of very negative features.

I wouldn't be in a relationship that lousy. I'd dump the guy to be single, regardless of any stupid fairy.

Why is it that most people would rather be in a shitty relationship than be single? This is something I will never understand.

Of course, this assumes that the fairy is accurate, and not just screwing with you.

Rushgeekgirl
05-15-2010, 05:01 PM
I know my Mig and I are not perfect for each other. My life could probably be a whole lot better with another person. I may even know that person. But I love him, and he loves me, and I guess perfect or not, we're in for the long haul. Maybe that's what perfection really is.

What exactly does a relationship fairy look like anyhow? And how would I tell the difference between the relationship fairy and the wicked witch? It could be a trick!

Lissla Lissar
05-15-2010, 05:02 PM
I agree with olives. Relationship Fairy can drop dead. Whomever the 9 is, he isn't my husband and father of my kids, understander of our stupid in-jokes, reader-aloud of books, and many many other wonderful things.

So yeah. Piss off, Fairy.

Skald the Rhymer
05-15-2010, 05:11 PM
Oakminster will be along presently to advise us to murder the relationship fairy on sight. As usual, he and I agree.

gwendee
05-15-2010, 05:16 PM
The fairy is kind of a dick, actually,...
My favorite thing I've read on the boards for a long time.

Why is it that most people would rather be in a shitty relationship than be single? This is something I will never understand. I don't understand people who start a relationship that they see as a 3, and don't expect ever to grow beyond threedom. But I can totally relate to not giving up on one.

My own current relationship is hovering around 3 or 4 (and some days 5) but that's right now. We've been a 9. If I didn't think we ever could be again, I might think about bailing, but we can.

Of course, this assumes that the fairy is accurate, and not just screwing with you. I'm not inclined to trust the fairy. My gut reaction is "screwing with you".

More directly to the OP, I believe pretty firmly in "better the devil that ya know". If I trusted teh fairy not to just be screwin' with me I might opt for memory removal, but my knee jerk reaction is to politely decline any brain meddlling. Thank you very much and charge it please.

Spice Weasel
05-15-2010, 05:24 PM
I'm not sure what the scale is rating. But I'm guessing a 3 means the relationship is below average and has a lot of very negative features.

I wouldn't be in a relationship that lousy. I'd dump the guy to be single, regardless of any stupid fairy.

Why is it that most people would rather be in a shitty relationship than be single? This is something I will never understand.

Of course, this assumes that the fairy is accurate, and not just screwing with you.
No, the Relationship Fairy is talking about a 3/10 RELATIVE to some other relationship. She's saying ''You might rate your current relationship as a 9, but really it's a 3 compared to who you COULD be with.'' The Fairy in essence is challenging your own perception that your relationship is as good as it gets.

MacTech
05-15-2010, 05:27 PM
Is killing the Relationship Fairy and eating her spicy brains to gain her powers not an option?, what's the best way to prepare FaeSteaks? ;)

IOW, I'd stay with the "3", there's always "something better" out there, "the grass is always greener..." and all that rot, but chasing after "perfection" is the way to madness...

Antinor01
05-15-2010, 06:36 PM
I've had my 3 for almost 10 years. The relationship fairy can take a flying leap.

Clothahump
05-15-2010, 06:38 PM
I tell the relationship fairy that he/she/it is wrong and to screw off. It doesn't get any better than this.

Merneith
05-15-2010, 06:40 PM
The Fae have to tell the truth, so if the Relationship Faerie says there's a 9 out there for me, it's solid.

However, Fae can't be trusted, so it's probable that the 9 is, in fact, a 3 year old, or married, or the wrong gender, or allergic to my dogs, or on Death Row or some other facet that would make the 9 unattainable.

Therefore, I would blow the Relationship Fairy off. And no, I would not permit my memory to be altered. The Fae are like anthropomorphic earthquakes. Do not engage.

Cat Whisperer
05-15-2010, 06:49 PM
I agree with olives. Relationship Fairy can drop dead. Whomever the 9 is, he isn't my husband and father of my kids, understander of our stupid in-jokes, reader-aloud of books, and many many other wonderful things.

So yeah. Piss off, Fairy.
Eggzackly. Maybe passing this test is telling the Fairy to piss off - I'm happy with what I've got.

Asimovian
05-15-2010, 06:54 PM
The Fae are like anthropomorphic earthquakes. Do not engage.Um...I live along the San Andreas fault. Is this something I need to be concerned about? Aren't earthquakes bad enough already?

The Earthquake Fairy can also fuck off.

Sunspace
05-15-2010, 08:52 PM
I'm not sure the math works, because I'm not in a relationship at the moment, and 9/10 * 0 is still 0. Besides, the idea that there's be One Of The Ones in this little town is ridiculous. There wesn't One Of The Ones in freakin' Toronto, for heaven's sake. I think the Relationship Fairy is messin' with my mind, is definitely a dick, and is probably an agent of PETA or The Illuminati or even Stephen Harper (and you know what a control freak he is).

Otara
05-15-2010, 09:41 PM
Given Melbourne has 4 million people, if there's just one out there, you're pretty much into lottery material finding them. So screw looking for the rest of your life looking for someone you have basically zero chance of finding anyhow. If this means theres lots of 4, 5 6 7 and 8's out there as well though, that might be worth thinking about - assuming a 4 is 33% better and a 6 is twice as good, who needs a 9, thats just being greedy. But I dont know how they've convince me of such a thing without some kind of evidence.

What people seem to be touching on is that relationship is not just 'a really nice person', ie that a lot of this comes down to what a relationship 'is'. After a while its about knowing who a person really is, shared experiences and connection, as much as it is about the person.

I guess there is also the dirty trick aspect where maybe the reason its a 3 is because the fairy knows all sorts of things you're shortly going to find out, like affairs with the rugby team, goats, a plan to kill you for the insurance and they've been sneaking broccoli into your food for the last 4 years. But I assume thats not part of the deal, ie your relationship is what it is and you're not being massively deluded about or lied to about the current relationship.

As in being able to guarantee a 9 relationship suggests some level of fixed future/fate or at will ability for people or beings to screw with my brain whenever they feel like it being necessary to make that occur which wouldnt impress me at all, I think Id rather have my memory removed for that reason rather than the 9ness as such.

Otara

BigT
05-16-2010, 01:58 AM
I'm single, but I think you're screwed either way. Fairies may look pretty, but, as mentioned above, they're devious. If they know you'd never leave her, then they know it won't turn out well. If they know you would, then that won't. In fact, probably neither choice is good.

The only way it could possibly work is if the fairy is a Tinker Bell to your Peter Pan. If it's actually in her own best interest to keep you happy, it might work out. (And, of course, Tink is the rare good-hearted fairy.) And, honestly, I think it would be fun to have a relationship with a magical creature. But only as long as you never break up. So maybe that wouldn't work, either.

Mrs. Cake
05-16-2010, 05:41 PM
Naw, I'm with the Send the Fairy Packing with Extreme Prejudice crowd. Over our 20 years together, Mr. Cake has always my best firend even during our worst moments. We've put a hell of a lot of work into this relationship and the thought of starting over with anyone (I'm talking about you, Alan Rickman) is a big no. Besides, if this is a 3, a 9 would probably kill me.

Ferret Herder
05-16-2010, 05:44 PM
Relationship Fairy is a real bitch. My husband is awesome and has been there for me through a lot of rough times, and vice versa. Sign me up for the short-term memory wipe.

Anaamika
05-16-2010, 07:57 PM
I just passed the 13 year mark with my 3. We put in the time. What does "9" mean anyway? I think I'd ask for the memory wipe - it's not as though this dick fairy is helping me find my 9 anyway.

NinetyWt
05-16-2010, 08:55 PM
Yeah, a pox on this fairy! She comes around here, I'm gonna rip her wings off and feed 'em to the dog.

WhyNot
05-16-2010, 09:08 PM
Goodness, if this is a 3, I don't want a 9...my endocrine system seriously couldn't handle it!

Nope, the fairy can piss right off. Not because we've been together for decades (we haven't) but because we're together right now, on the path that we've chosen together, and I'm annoyingly happy right now. Could I be happier elsewhere? I seriously doubt it, but even if I could, it would be abandoning this adventure before it's done, and I want to see how it turns out!

Plus, I adore him too much to do that to him. "Sorry, hon...I know I love you and you love me, but this dick of a Dick Fairy said there's something better out there...for me!"?! Heck, no. Maybe - MAYBE if I had a guarantee that there was a 9 out there for him that he could find, then it would be a difficult decision. But I could never experience that level of happiness knowing it came at the expense of his happiness. I don't mean I'm too good a person, I mean I just couldn't. I'd be too guilt ridden to enjoy it!

gravitycrash
05-16-2010, 09:25 PM
Since I'm a huge pussy who rarely takes chances I would tell the fairy to fuck off. Bird in the hand and all that.

CanvasShoes
05-17-2010, 02:51 AM
I'm single and am just now, after nearly 6 years, starting to think I might be brave enough to meet someone. So yeah, I might go look. Are there any other stipulations?