An Uncomfortable Proposal

[Asimovian]

Yesterday, I received an unusual email from an old friend. It didn't seem like a huge deal at the time, and still isn't, but the more I've thought about it and talked about it since then, the more odd it seems. My friend (we'll call her Ann) emailed me to tell me that a friend of hers was going to be in my area for some sort of training for a couple of days, and that she was very strapped for cash right now. Ann asked if I'd be comfortable with her friend staying with me during that time. Now, here are the pertinent details:


I am male.
I live alone.
Ann's friend is female.
Ann has known me for just under 15 years.
I am not gay, and Ann knows this.
I am not single, and Ann knows this.
I have never met and know nothing about Ann's friend.


As this played out in reality, it became something of a non-issue. My girlfriend will actually be staying with me during the time period in question, so I was able to very quickly say no. Further, I tend to be an extremely (to the point of being nutty) private person when I'm at home, and I'm not even fond of friends or family staying in my place, so the idea of a stranger in my home wasn't particularly appealing. Nevertheless, someone I like a lot and care about was asking a favor of me for someone she cares about, so I know that I would have least considered it.

But then, there's this very weird dynamic of a woman coming to stay in the home of a man she does not know. On the one hand, I feel terribly complimented to know that Ann trusts me to the degree that she'd even recommend such a set-up to her friend. But it continues to strike me as a really uncomfortable scenario to put either party in.

So what I want are your opinions. Put yourself in my shoes AND put yourself in the shoes (to the extent you can, since I don't know anything about the mysterious woman) of Ann's friend. How would you feel, from either perspective? What would you do? Would you go through with this proposal? Of course, please make whatever changes you'd need to make as it pertains to your own sexual preference, although I think that for this thread, we should be considering not only the idea that this woman would have been of my preferred sex, but also just the fact that -- sexual preferences aside -- there are people of the opposite sex cohabiting here. Feel free to ask me any clarifying questions.

The poll is set up as multiple choice, so please answer once from my perspective and once from the woman's perspective. Thanks!

[jsgoddess]

I would be more likely to allow someone to stay with me than to stay with someone. Heck, I don't even like staying with relatives. Having a strange man in my living space might be okay or might be really really weird.

[Agent Foxtrot]

I voted:


From Asimovian's perspective, I'd think about it, but I'd probably say no.
From the woman's perspective, I'd think about about it, but I'd probably say yes.
Your friend is putting you in a fairly uncomfortable position. If this woman is in town for training, what is she training for and why isn't her employer footing the bill?

From the woman's perspective, I think I would be uncomfortable staying in the home of a man I've never met. However, taking in to account that my friend ("Ann"), and the man have been friends for 15 years, and that I'm in a fairly desperate financial situation, I'd probably agree.

[Asimovian]

Agent Foxtrot, I didn't get specific details, but I got the impression that the woman isn't actually employed, but is seeking training to gain employment. I could be wrong, but let's operate on that assumption, at least for the purpose of this thread.

[Gyrate]

I've let FOAFs and Internet Friends crash at my place in the past so I'd have no problem letting this FOAF stay, with the large caveat that were I single and in possession of a jealous girlfriend I would carefully consider the girlfriend's views before answering yes or no to letting a strange woman stay. I'm not ruining a relationship over this.

As the stranger in need, if Ann says the guy is okay and I'm that strapped for cash, I'd go for it.

[saje]

I'm an essentially shy and private person. There is no way I'd feel comfortable staying with a stranger/having a stranger to stay , let alone a stranger of the opposite sex.

That said, I *have* stayed with someone I met online, but had never previously met IRL. But we'd been online friends for about 8 years when I stayed with her (I'm female too), so she wasn't a complete unknown.

[pbbth]

I said no on both ends of the question. In your position I absolutely would not consider it because you have nothing to gain and everything to lose. She could rob you, she could bring drugs/weapons/baboons/etc. into your house, she could accuse you of rape or sexual assault, or any number of things that could cause tremendous amounts of trouble for you. In her position I said that I would consider it but would probably say no because, while I would be gaining something from the situation, it would be too dangerous for me to justify staying with a strange man when I could pay $29 a night for a cheap room at Motel 6 and not have to worry about that kind of thing.

[Asimovian]

She could rob you, she could bring drugs/weapons/baboons/etc. into your house, she could accuse you of rape or sexual assault, or any number of things that could cause tremendous amounts of trouble for you.You know, my friend, I might have voted differently had I first considered the baboon angle.

:cool:

[Vihaga]

For me, this would to a large extent depend on "Ann." I have a couple friends who I know absolutely wouldn't ask me to have someone stay in my place unless it was important and who would never suggest having someone stay with me would would cause even the slightest problem.


I have other friends who's judgment I don't trust enough for me to agree to such an arrangement, on either side.

So, it's "probably no" for most of my friends, "probably yes," for a couple. (From both perspectives.)

[jjimm]

I've experienced so much kindness and hospitality from strangers in my travels around the world that I always seek to pay it forward when I can.

I agreed to almost the exact same thing a year or so ago, and there was no problem - and I gained a new friend.

[Freudian Slit]

I wasn't thinking in terms of sexual assault, but I said no (both from the host/guest's POV) because I don't want someone staying with me (or to stay with) a total stranger. That's creepy.

[Telcontar]

For me, this would to a large extent depend on "Ann." I have a couple friends who I know absolutely wouldn't ask me to have someone stay in my place unless it was important and who would never suggest having someone stay with me would would cause even the slightest problem.


I have other friends who's judgment I don't trust enough for me to agree to such an arrangement, on either side.

So, it's "probably no" for most of my friends, "probably yes," for a couple. (From both perspectives.)

About the same for me, with a caveat. I have a couple of friends who 1.) Would only make such a request if it was really important 2.) Would only make such a request if they were really sure the person was fine. For them, I'd say yes in the case described. Other friends are probable noes.

The caveat is that for one of the communities I'm involved with, folk dance, there's a tradition of crashing on friend of a friend's couches and floors. If the request is "can my friend crash on your floor after the dance" the answer is much more likely to be yes, even though the request would be made more casually.

[Sigmagirl]

I voted:


From Asimovian's perspective, I'd think about it, but I'd probably say no.
From the woman's perspective, I'd think about about it, but I'd probably say yes.
Your friend is putting you in a fairly uncomfortable position. If this woman is in town for training, what is she training for and why isn't her employer footing the bill?

From the woman's perspective, I think I would be uncomfortable staying in the home of a man I've never met. However, taking in to account that my friend ("Ann"), and the man have been friends for 15 years, and that I'm in a fairly desperate financial situation, I'd probably agree.

This is my feeling. I am very private and don't like to have people who might smoke, leave a mess, etc., but if Ann is my friend and says she's OK, I might risk it. If I didn't, I'd make an effort for my friend's sake to try to find the woman a decent low-cost alternative.

[Asimovian]

If it's relevant to anyone, I will say that my "no" to Ann included an offer to contribute to the friend's hotel costs. I was told that the friend had lived in my area in the past and could likely find someone to stay with so the hotel wouldn't be necessary. But I find that odd because, if this woman has friends or family in the area, why wouldn't she just start there instead of having Ann reach out to a stranger?

[Peremensoe]

For me, this would to a large extent depend on "Ann."

I say that it's entirely dependent on Ann. If Ann is a rock solid, close and trusted friend of both parties, no problem. Otherwise, forget it. And for me, that would be the answer regardless of the involved genders.

[MeanOldLady]

What are friends for if you can't call in a favor every now and again?

[Swallowed My Cellphone]

What are friends for if you can't call in a favor every now and again?Yeah, I just see it as a friend asking if a friend can crash on the couch while traveling. It hasn't really come up since I was in my 20s and that was more common, but I'd probably think it's okay now.

[DiosaBellissima]

That's weird. One, as a single woman, I would never go stay at some strange man's house alone, even if it's a friend of a friend (if the co-friend is there, that's a different story). As a person with my own home, short of a best friend's relative or something*, I don't want strangers staying at my house.


*A friend had a baby last year and her whole family came out from Iowa to help her out and meet the baby. I offered up my house if they needed space, but that's different to me, since it's family and not just some buddy.

[PookahMacPhellimey]

I've experienced so much kindness and hospitality from strangers in my travels around the world that I always seek to pay it forward when I can.

Same here. Repaying debts to the universe. I've stayed with and received strangers of either sex on more than one occasion.

Incidentally, the fact of whether the or not this person was of my preferred sex is quite incidental to me. I'd imagine that a trusted friend of a friend would not try to jump me unless we decided we mutually wanted to jump each other, in which case, yay. If I had any concerns it would more about whether this person was annoying, expecting too much in way of entertainment, was chatty first thing in the morning etc.

[The Devil's Grandmother]

But I find that odd because, if this woman has friends or family in the area, why wouldn't she just start there instead of having Ann reach out to a stranger?
I don't find it odd at all. If I had to go to training in Orange County that required my full attention, I would far rather stay with a stranger rather than my demanding mother. There's all sorts of family dynamics (including having to have a meal with every cousin in a 30 mile radius) that makes staying with family on a business trip unappealing.

I've had friends of friends stay in my house, but only while I've been married. I'm sure my husband would have said yes to Asimovian's scenario, but he's very generous when it comes to letting people stay with him in the short-term.

The other way to deal would have been asking Ann to stay with Asimovian, and let the friend stay in Ann's place.

[pbbth]

She could rob you, she could bring drugs/weapons/baboons/etc. into your house, she could accuse you of rape or sexual assault, or any number of things that could cause tremendous amounts of trouble for you.You know, my friend, I might have voted differently had I first considered the baboon angle.

:cool:

Baboons are notorious for pooping on the couch and eating your favorite cereal without asking you. That is a scientific fact!

It would probably be fine and dandy for her to stay for a short while but you just never know. However, if you emailed me and asked to stay at my place because you were visiting NYC I would not only say yes but I would make you pancakes in the mornings and take you to a Broadway show even though we've never technically met, so I may not be the best person to take advice from in this situation.

[Asimovian]

The other way to deal would have been asking Ann to stay with Asimovian, and let the friend stay in Ann's place.Ah -- key point. Ann hasn't lived in the same state as me for several years. I'm assuming that Ann's friend lives near Ann. I'm in CA. Ann (and her friend, as far as I know) lives in Utah.

[tdn]

However, if you emailed me and asked to stay at my place because you were visiting NYC I would not only say yes but I would make you pancakes in the mornings and take you to a Broadway show even though we've never technically met, so I may not be the best person to take advice from in this situation.

Funny, I recall you offering up your place to me when I went to New York last spring. I didn't take you up on it because it felt really uncomfortable.

I answered no to both questions, but it sort of depends on the situation. I, too, am a pretty private person and can be uncomfortable with having people over. In my current situation, I'm single and live in a very tiny place. If the woman didn't mind sleeping on the futon, (right next to me) then I MIGHT consider it for one night, but only if there were absolutely no other options. If I were in a relationship, then no way.

There's one situation where I would have been more OK with it. My last apartment was pretty big, and the living room and bedroom were separate. And the living room had a futon. And, for a while, I was living with a girlfriend. Sure, let her stay a couple of nights.

[Asimovian]

One other tidbit. I know from discussing with my girlfriend that she would have been OK with it, although she expressed surprise that I'd consider it because she knows I'm weird about having people stay with me. But other than that, my romantic relationship wouldn't have been an issue.

Of course, now I wonder if my answer would be different if I were single. Someone upthread commented about being OK if there was a mutual spark with this random stranger. So, if you are currently in a relationship, would you have answered differently if you were single? And vice-versa for those who are currently single.

[DiosaBellissima]

There's one situation where I would have been more OK with it. My last apartment was pretty big, and the living room and bedroom were separate. And the living room had a futon. And, for a while, I was living with a girlfriend. Sure, let her stay a couple of nights.

You're more kind than I. I have a big ass, two story, 2500 square foot, three bed room house. I still wouldn't want some strange man rolling in for the week. Then again, part of this might be because I'm a single female and it's a little more threatening to have a strange man in my house than the other way around (fair or not, thems the breaks).

If I had a live in boyfriend or something, I'd be a little less freaked out to have a stranger stay in my house, but I still probably wouldn't.

[GHO57]

Single guy with a 3 bedroom house... well, 4... if you count the odd room downstairs that's built like a small apartment. I have the space so why not; although I'd prefer solitude, I could put up with someone for a few days as a favor for a friend.

[MeanOldLady]

Of course, now I wonder if my answer would be different if I were single. Someone upthread commented about being OK if there was a mutual spark with this random stranger. So, if you are currently in a relationship, would you have answered differently if you were single? And vice-versa for those who are currently single.Relationship status and gender of the visitor have nothing to do with my answer. Would I do a somewhat (but not terribly) strange favor for a very good friend of mine? Yes or no. Of course I'd prefer to not have people staying at my place, but hey, friends do that kind of thing for one another.

[Cat Whisperer]

I said no to both. Sorry to be inhospitable, but my casa is not your casa.

That said, things would be different for Dopers, rather than complete strangers. I mean, Dopers kind of are complete strangers, but not completely. You know what I mean, I hope. I can hunt you down if you bring baboons into my house.

[tdn]

You're more kind than I. I have a big ass, two story, 2500 square foot, three bed room house. I still wouldn't want some strange man rolling in for the week. Then again, part of this might be because I'm a single female and it's a little more threatening to have a strange man in my house than the other way around (fair or not, thems the breaks).

If I had a live in boyfriend or something, I'd be a little less freaked out to have a stranger stay in my house, but I still probably wouldn't.

I don't think you're any kinder than I, I get the gender/danger thing. The reason I'd let someone stay if I had a live in girlfriend is more for social comfort than safety. I'm perfectly comfortable talking one-on-one to a strange woman out in public. In someone's home is very different.

It's funny, I asked a woman out the other day. She said yes, but didn't give me her number or e-mail. She told me what apartment she lives in. So I'll go up there tonight and knock on her door, and... Then what? She'll invite me in? It could get very weird.

[Skammer]

When I was in college, some group put up fliers looking for students who lived in the dorms to host students from another school, who were visiting for some kind of event. I had one roommate in my dorm room, but he almost alway slept at his girlfriend's room (she had a single). So I signed up for a pair of guests, figuring one of them would be lucky and get the extra bed.

The time came to pick up my guests, so I walked down to the welcome center where they were all registered. The student checked off my name and said "those two right there are with you." I was a little shocked - they were women! I thought it odd that they would place two female students in a room with two (but really just one) male who went through the rigorous screening process of signing up.

The girls were nice (but also surprised). I tried to give up my bed and sleep on the floor, but they wouldn't hear of it. We hung out in the room for a while, slept, and the next day they went on to their event and I never heard from them again. It was weird.

Sorry for the hijack but I forgot about that story until this thread reminded me of it.

[DiosaBellissima]

It's funny, I asked a woman out the other day. She said yes, but didn't give me her number or e-mail. She told me what apartment she lives in. So I'll go up there tonight and knock on her door, and... Then what? She'll invite me in? It could get very weird.

This sounds like a set up for either a porno or a horror movie plot. IDK. I'm saying it's worth the risk, though.

[tdn]

This sounds like a set up for either a porno or a horror movie plot. IDK. I'm saying it's worth the risk, though.

Yeah, I'll take a chance. Maybe for my protection I should bring along a big kitchen knife.

[DiosaBellissima]

This sounds like a set up for either a porno or a horror movie plot. IDK. I'm saying it's worth the risk, though.

Yeah, I'll take a chance. Maybe for my protection I should bring along a big kitchen knife.

Yeah, that can't end badly. I say go for it.

[MoodIndigo1]

I wrote yes, but I assumed your friend Ann was closer to you than a subsequent post indicated. Since I assumed she was close, I thought she knew that you were not single. When you said you were not single, I assumed you lived with your significant other most of the time.
Ergo, there is nothing untoward about the request.

Whether you want to take in a near stranger is another question.

[Hilarity N. Suze]

This hasn't come up in my life for a long time, but used to come up all the time. My far-flung friends would call me and say they were sending me a guest for a few days. As long as I had trust in the friend who was vouching for the guest, all was well.

When my son was in college we had surprise guests who were his frat brothers, former roommates, etc. Made me long fondly for the old days.

I don't know what being single or not has to do with it--an SO who lives there would of course have some input into the situation, and one who doesn't live there might or might not.

I think it's weird that so many people will assume that when people of the appropriate sexual orientation but with no other relationshp are in the same space, sexual hanky-panky will ensue.

[Asimovian]

I wrote yes, but I assumed your friend Ann was closer to you than a subsequent post indicated. Since I assumed she was close, I thought she knew that you were not single. When you said you were not single, I assumed you lived with your significant other most of the time.Good points. Sorry.

I think Ann *does* know that I'm not single, but it's possible she forgot. I don't know. And my SO is long-distance, so I am alone most of the time.

[Voyager]

I said yes for you (with thought) no for her. It depends on your living arrangements and if you have enough space to be comfortable with another person there. And assuming that Ann can give a good reference for this person. I think today it is not given that an unattached male and female together in an apartment must automatically get into trouble, and it is good that both your SO and Ann trust you enough to be okay with this. But if your desire for solitude makes you say no, that is fine, since that is purely personal. We had nanny students living with us for two years, and sometimes it got a bit much, no matter how nice they were.

For her, I could see her reticent about the arrangement, depending on how much she trusts the judgment of your friend.

BTW, I think I'd be more willing to do it being in a relationship than not.

[Asimovian]

More good points, so here's more detail.


My place is approximately 1,200 square feet
It is, however, essentially a studio space with no room dividers other than the bathroom.
I have a queen-sized futon, which is on the opposite end of the living space from my bed.
If it matters, I'm a loud snorer. :)
Hope that helps.

[nicole1912]

I said no problem either way - though, practically speaking, we just don't have room in our flat currently. But in principle, assuming I trust Ann's judgment (as either the host or the guest), I'd have no problem with it. Ann's friend clearly needs to do this training course, Ann's a friend and I like to do favours for my friends - not least because I might need one someday - and I've had more than my share of staying on people's sofas because I can't afford a hotel. Assuming I've got the space, I'm fine with it.

The sexual preferences of either party, and relationship status, don't change my answer - the entire concept is completely non-sexual, as far as I can see; it's just offering a spare bed to sleep on. (This is all assuming you have a spare room - looking at the OP, that's not specified, though. If this woman is actually sharing your *bed*, then that's very different, and my answer changes to "hell no, here's some money for a hotel room".)

ETA: Relationship status changes things if you live with your partner - or, indeed, have other flatmates - because then their opinions on this person staying over are important; they need to be ok with it. Otherwise, it doesn't make a difference, IMO.

[Chessic Sense]

I'm a Couch Surfer (http://www.couchsurfing.com). The entire idea is to let strangers sleep over and to sleep on other people's couches. So yeah, I'm cool with it.

I can't this week, though. I just had this Irish couple here and I've got to get some stuff done before the two Belgian guys show up.

[MeanOldLady]

More good points, so here's more detail.


My place is approximately 1,200 square feet
It is, however, essentially a studio space with no room dividers other than the bathroom.
I have a queen-sized futon, which is on the opposite end of the living space from my bed.
If it matters, I'm a loud snorer. :)
Hope that helps.Okay, so essentially the question is: "If you were a super-private person living in a studio-sized apartment, and doesn't want people over, would you let a friend of a friend who you're not very close with crash at your place during her visit?" In that case, the answer is no.

[Muffin]

No problem -- the mutual old friend vouches for both parties.

In addition, if the guest finds a job in the area, her having been a guest already will help build a new friendship in her new town, making the transition to the new town all the easier.

[Asimovian]

Okay, so essentially the question is: "If you were a super-private person living in a studio-sized apartment, and doesn't want people over, would you let a friend of a friend who you're not very close with crash at your place during her visit?" In that case, the answer is no.Eh. I want people to adopt my scenario for the purposes of answering the question, but not necessarily my personality. Still seems worthwhile to explain the rationale for my own feelings.

[Muffin]

I said no to both. Sorry to be inhospitable, but my casa is not your casa.

That said, things would be different for Dopers, rather than complete strangers. I mean, Dopers kind of are complete strangers, but not completely. You know what I mean, I hope. I can hunt you down if you bring baboons into my house.Dopefest in Calgary -- Cat Whisperer and Dread Pirate Jimbo will be putting us all up, or putting up will all of us, as the case may be! :D

[mcgato]

As a single male, I would have no problem with the situation. If I had a girlfriend, I would check with her first.

Back in the mid-80s, I was a couple of years out of college. On a cross country car trip, I decided to stay with a college friend for one night. He was living with his then girlfriend, and I figured that I'd just curl up on their couch. It turned out that a female friend of the girlfriend had a roommate out of town, so I could sleep in the empty bedroom of her roommate. The friend joined the other three of us for dinner and drinks, I think. At the end of the night, I went back to her place where she showed me the spare bedroom. She said that she wasn't sure how clean it was, and I could share her bed if I would be more comfortable. I politely declined, as it seemed a little weird to me. The next year, my friend and his girlfriend married. The friend of the girlfriend was also there, and she joked about us almost sleeping together the previous year.

[Moonlitherial]

I said no to both. Sorry to be inhospitable, but my casa is not your casa.

That said, things would be different for Dopers, rather than complete strangers. I mean, Dopers kind of are complete strangers, but not completely. You know what I mean, I hope. I can hunt you down if you bring baboons into my house.Dopefest in Calgary -- Cat Whisperer and Dread Pirate Jimbo will be putting us all up, or putting up will all of us, as the case may be! :D

Internet friends are a special category in so many ways :D

In your place and hers, if I really trusted Ann I would probably say yes. My husband is not good with strangers however and would likely over rule me on the our house side of the equation.

[ratatoskK]

Why can't she stay over when your girlfriend is there? She could sleep on the couch.

[Asimovian]

Why can't she stay over when your girlfriend is there? She could sleep on the couch.Well, as my relationship is a long-distance one and my girlfriend and I get to spend very little time together, and as my space has zero privacy (due to lack of room separation), it is not an ideal time to have someone else there when we're together. If it were a real emergency, obviously, I'd make it happen, but since I am in a position where I can make a hotel room happen for the friend if it was needed, there is no reason I'd put her up in my place while my g/f is around.

[TriPolar]

It just doesn't seem wise to invite a stranger to stay in your home. It doesn't even sound like you'd want Ann to stay in your home under the circumstances. I am assuming you have things you value there, and aren't fond of being stabbed while you sleep, or having someone set up a meth lab there, or simply having to hide all traces of your identity.

[seanchai]

Is there any reason why Ann made her inquiry via your computer rather than phining you and asking in person?

I'm old, eh? That sort of arms-length request would tell me I wasn't expected to agree
to the house guest.

an seanchai

I did have a guy I'd only known online (for several years) invite himself to come stay for a month. Circumstances were weird but I wasn't happy with how the invitation went down.
We've always been buddy-like, but not THAT close, eh?

[Muffin]

. . . aren't fond of being stabbed while you sleep . . .Come on, what are the odds of a friend of a friend doing that?

[Asimovian]

Is there any reason why Ann made her inquiry via your computer rather than phining you and asking in person?It's complex, but she and I have probably never talked by phone. I'd see her from time to time when she still lived near me, mainly because she was a very good friend of my ex-wife from childhood (she was the bridesmaid at our wedding). And while we've continued to be friends and check up on one another and such, including email and IM from time to time, we've never talked on the phone to my knowledge. I doubt she even has my number.

[Tamerlane]

Probable yes for letting them stay with me. I'd be slightly unhappy - I'm not crazy about houseguests under the best of circumstances, let alone a stranger, and I have a small place. But if a close friend asked and it involved a plea of poverty, I'd probably give assent and make the best of it without too much fuss.

Probable no for staying with someone else, unless the money issue really was dire and my need to be in town in that situation really strong. I prefer hotel rooms or the equivalent to feeling like I might be imposing on others. Friends who insist I stay with them tend to get their wish, but otherwise I just assume as a safe default that people are like me and aren't thrilled with houseguests.

[TriPolar]

. . . aren't fond of being stabbed while you sleep . . .Come on, what are the odds of a friend of a friend doing that?

It becomes more probable every time you wake up and haven't been stabbed.

[Freudian Slit]

When I first heard about couch surfing, I remember being very surprised at people doing that. A friend of a friend is (to me) bad enough, but a total stranger who you only know from the Internet? It's one thing to meet them in a public space but quite another to let them stay in your house. That would be terrifying.

[Muffin]

It becomes more probable every time you wake up and haven't been stabbed.I have to tell that to one of my clients who was woken up by being repeated stabbed in his head (by his wife, though, not by a friend of a friend).

[amarinth]

I said "probably yes" until I got to this line:

It is, however, essentially a studio space with no room dividers other than the bathroom.Which changes my answer to "probably no."
Room dividers are important. Strangers don't sleep in my bedroom. However, if talking about a 1200 sq. ft. 1 or 2 bedroom with walls and doors and stuff, I'd go back to "probably yes."

[Muffin]

Some strangers took me and friend in for the night, without a divider in the room. We were about to start a canoe trip, when a elderly couple who had a cottage near by invited us to hop on the back of their ATV and spend the night at their place. We had a terrific dinner and evening with them, sharing stories and our love for wilderness canoeing, and then bedding down in the same room (it was a delightful cottage they had built from found material). That was a few years ago. A couple of weeks ago I was back in that area and came upon the husband, who is now 84 and just had his knee replaced, so he and his wife can start travelling again.

I hope that people take them in in their travels, just as they took me and my friend in.

[BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed]

I said no to both. Sorry to be inhospitable, but my casa is not your casa.

That said, things would be different for Dopers, rather than complete strangers. I mean, Dopers kind of are complete strangers, but not completely. You know what I mean, I hope. I can hunt you down if you bring baboons into my house.

Does your answer change depending on how good a friend asks you? I can understand that a not-so-great friend asking would be odd, but if your best friend asked, you'd still say no?

[pravnik]

For me, this would to a large extent depend on "Ann."

I say that it's entirely dependent on Ann. If Ann is a rock solid, close and trusted friend of both parties, no problem. Otherwise, forget it. And for me, that would be the answer regardless of the involved genders.Yeah, same here.

[Sailboat]

Baboons are notorious for pooping on the couch and eating your favorite cereal without asking you. That is a scientific fact!

Plus they drink all your hooch (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/southafrica/7969313/Drunk-baboons-plague-Cape-Towns-exclusive-suburbs.html) and smash the place.