View Full Version : My Mom Died This Morning
09-10-2010, 12:18 PM
My mom has been sick for several years. First, diabetes, then a massive heart attack, then renal failure. She's been on kidney dialysis for a couple of years. She began having abdominal pain about 6 months ago, and could no longer walk. She's been in a nursing home for the past 4 months.
I got a call this morning, and the nurse told me that mom wasn't going to make it. So, my daughter and I went in to be with her.
She died at 9:15am.
I went to see her on Tuesday, and she was laying in her bed, in pain. I asked her how she was doing. She replied, "I'm suffering...I'm suffering." She was scheduled for surgery to insert some sort of new port/shunt/whatever for her dialysis, as her old one wasn't working too well, anymore. That was supposed to happen yesterday, but it was canceled, as she was really too weak to undergo the surgery/anesthesia.
I went to see her yesterday, and she was sitting up in a wheelchair, pretty cheerful, but a bit confused. She's been confused for several months, so it wasn't anything new. I told her that her surgery was canceled, so she didn't have to go anywhere that day.
Mom replied, "Yes! I know it was canceled! But I've got to go somewhere tomorrow!"
I said, "Yes. You have your dialysis treatment tomorrow."
Mom said, "NO! I'm not going there! I'm going somewhere else!"
So, I let that go, knowing that she's somewhat confused, and there was no need to try to prove myself right.
Today, when I went to the nursing home, to be with her when she died, she was in a coma/unresponsive. My daughter and I sat there for awhile, and then we went outside, so I could have a cigarette.
When we got outside, there was an absolutely beautiful, double rainbow that formed above the nursing home. We watched it for awhile, and I went back inside. I went to mom's room, took her hand, and told her all about that gorgeous rainbow, and that if she felt like she wanted to go, it was alright. I told her that we'd be fine here, and that she has suffered long enough. I told her that since that beautiful rainbow was out there, she'd better get up there, and hop on it, and it would take her to where she wanted to go.
Mom died not long after I told her that.
Bye mom. I love you.
Swallowed My Cellphone
09-10-2010, 12:20 PM
:( The rainbow bridge is the bestest.
I'm so sad to hear it, but glad that she won't have to suffer any more.
Take care of yourself, OK?
Skald the Rhymer
09-10-2010, 12:44 PM
I don't think we've ever interacted before, nonacetone, but nonetheless I felt compelled to reply in this thread. I remember how difficult it was for me and mine when my mother died, and I know how hard this time will be for you. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you make it through. Be well.
09-10-2010, 12:46 PM
I'm so sorry. Peace and strength to you.
09-10-2010, 12:55 PM
See, she did have somewhere to go. I'm glad she is not suffering anymore, but take care of yourself, as the aftermath can be as strenuous as dealing with an sick loved one.
09-10-2010, 01:18 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss. Nothing I say here will make the pain less, but I will say that you are in my thoughts.
09-10-2010, 01:21 PM
I'm so very sorry for your loss but very glad that she is no longer in pain. My thoughts are with you.
09-10-2010, 01:24 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss, and we're praying for you and your family. :(
09-10-2010, 02:31 PM
'Scuse me, I have something in my eyes.
Take care of yourself, as others have already said. Don't forget to eat and sleep enough, you'll need your strength.
I dread when my grandmother(105+) goes. I know where she will be going, but I'll miss her here.
I'm glad your mom had here family at her side, and hopefully she heard what you said. Take care.
09-10-2010, 02:35 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss, nonacetone. I lost my mom in October so I know how difficult it is. I still have days when I go to pick up the phone and call her before I realize she's gone. Hugs to you and your family.
Alice The Goon
09-10-2010, 02:38 PM
Sending you my condolences for your loss. :(
09-10-2010, 03:11 PM
A beautiful post, nonacetone. I hope you’re okay.
Two Many Cats
09-10-2010, 03:18 PM
I'm so, so sorry, but you did both your mom and yourself good by telling her about the beautiful rainbow. Take care of yourself.
09-10-2010, 04:02 PM
*hugs you very tight*
09-10-2010, 04:04 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss, nonacetone. I'm glad you could be there at the end, though.
09-10-2010, 04:05 PM
I'm so sorry, nonacetone. Take care of yourself.
09-10-2010, 04:25 PM
What a beautiful farewell. Please find comfort in the loving memories you have obviously built up over a lifetime.
09-10-2010, 04:42 PM
I'm sorry for your loss.
09-10-2010, 05:00 PM
I'm so sorry to hear it.
09-10-2010, 05:06 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss, nonacetone.
09-10-2010, 05:06 PM
So sorry... but I'm glad you could be there. It counts.
09-10-2010, 05:12 PM
nonacetone, you have my condolences. Please hang in there and we'll be keeping you in our thoughts.
Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor
09-10-2010, 05:28 PM
nonacetone--I lost my Mom 3 years ago, almost 4.
Someday, you'll be able to smile, then, laugh.
And remember the lady without crying.
09-10-2010, 05:35 PM
Please excuse the cliche, nonacetone, but that sounds like a textbook example of a "merciful release". So glad it came peacefully at the finish, and a moment of unexpected beauty to mark it.
The Second Stone
09-10-2010, 05:39 PM
09-10-2010, 05:46 PM
Thank you, Dopers. I really appreciate all the good wishes.
I'm doing ok right now. I don't think it's hit me quite yet, though. She's not suffering, and that's all that matters to me right now. It's finally over for her. She's at peace.
09-10-2010, 06:22 PM
nonacetone I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mother, you and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers.
The Devil's Grandmother
09-10-2010, 06:35 PM
I'm sorry to hear of your loss, but I'm glad your mom got her rainbow. Take care of yourself.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
09-10-2010, 06:54 PM
I am so sorry. I'm happy you and your daughter were able to be with her.
09-10-2010, 08:28 PM
Condolences to you and your family, nonacetone.
09-10-2010, 08:34 PM
All I can add is that, when the shock wears off and the grief takes hold, remember that she really is at peace now.
09-10-2010, 09:10 PM
You have my condolences.
If it's any comfort at all, please remember that the pain of her loss is a small price to pay for her freedom from the troubles of this world. Grief isn't just about sadness, and the peace people talk about isn't just for her. Wherever she's gone to, you can be sure that they don't worry about kidney dialysis there.
09-10-2010, 09:17 PM
My prayers and sympathies to all yours and especially you. May your future be peace and fond memories.
09-10-2010, 09:34 PM
May your future be peace and fond memories.Seconded.
09-10-2010, 09:42 PM
I'm sorry for your loss, but at least you got to say goodbye to her and be with her. And she's not hurting any more.
09-10-2010, 09:56 PM
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
09-10-2010, 09:57 PM
I'm sorry for your loss, nonacetone. It was good of you to voice your willingness to let her go. I believe that on some level, she heard and felt it. It is a wonderful gift to hand this to someone you love.
I had a slightly similar experience when my father passed away at the nursing home. He was very strong in his Catholic faith. We family member stood around the bed praying the rosary for him and with the end of the prayer, he stopped breathing. I never knew death could be so beautiful. It was peaceful and fitting.
09-10-2010, 10:55 PM
I'm sorry for your loss, and I'll keep you in my prayers.
09-10-2010, 11:27 PM
Hugs and gentle strenght from me and mine.
I am so sorry for your loss.
09-11-2010, 04:36 AM
Again, thank you very, very much, everyone. It sure does mean so much to see all these good wishes from all of you. I know that many of you have been through the same thing.
You know, I spent the last 8 years of my life taking care of my grandmother (Died on Nov. 15, 2009), and my mom, who died yesterday morning. This, along with taking care of my own family and our home. I'm tired. Just really, really tired. Yet, I'm also relieved. I'm not feeling the least bit guilty about feeling the relief, either. I know that mom is no longer suffering. That's all that matters.
I'm feeling a bit alone right now, but I know it'll get better with time. Sure, I've got my husband, our daughter, and friends/family, and they're all being very supportive, helpful, and caring. I'm thankful for that, don't get me wrong. But, really, there's nothing that really gets to you, than knowing that, good Og...My MOM (or dad) is gone. Geez. That'll hit you like a ton of bricks, that's for sure.
I'm doing ok, though. So far, anyway. There's not a whole lot I need to deal with, as mom had pre-planned her funeral some years ago. I just need to go sign some papers at the funeral home this morning, and then sign some stuff at the cemetery after that. It's a relief that I don't have to do the 'planning' of this stuff, and I'm grateful that mom had the foresight to take care of it while she was alive. This is something that my husband and I need to take care of, also, so our daughter won't be burdened with it. It has just been moved to the top of our agenda, once this is all over.
Right now, I'm just trying to get everything sorted out, and I'm hoping that I'll finally be able to relax at some point soon. I honestly haven't had the chance to truly relax (or have any real time for myself) for the past 8 years. I'm just really tired, and really stressed. I know it'll all ease up, eventually.
The sooner, the better, if you ask me.
09-11-2010, 08:08 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss.
09-11-2010, 08:13 AM
Hi nonacetone. You have my condolences and best wishes too. What a nice sendoff you gave her!
09-11-2010, 07:05 PM
Wow that was a beautiful OP, nonacetone. My condolences on your mother's passing.
09-11-2010, 07:16 PM
09-12-2010, 05:44 AM
Thank you, everyone.
Well, the service will be on Monday morning. My daughter is not handling it well at all. I'm doing ok, I think. At least for now.
09-13-2010, 11:23 PM
I'm very sorry about your Mom. I have not been online much. Hope your daughter is better.
09-14-2010, 04:07 AM
It's finally over. Mom's funeral was yesterday. My daughter and I did really well, and held it together just fine. At least mom is no longer in pain. I'm just glad it's all over, is all.
Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor
09-14-2010, 04:31 PM
It's finally over. Mom's funeral was yesterday. My daughter and I did really well, and held it together just fine. At least mom is no longer in pain. I'm just glad it's all over, is all.Rest.
09-14-2010, 05:47 PM
My condolences to you and your family, nonacetone. Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor's advice is good: rest, take it easy, be kind to yourself.
09-14-2010, 05:51 PM
So sorry about your Mom. Watching someone suffer is terrible. I'm glad she's at peace.
09-14-2010, 06:56 PM
I'm sorry for your loss.
09-14-2010, 06:56 PM
Yes, I'm trying to get some rest, but things around here have been a little bit neglected the past few days, so I'm going to have to get some things done. The laundry just keep piling up, and I need to get that done first thing.
Maybe I can start getting some more sleep, too. The last several years have been so stressful, sleep didn't happen for me very easily. I've been living on no more than 4 hours per night, and maybe an hour nap during the day, if I could fit it in. Sleep will be very welcome! I think I just need to re-learn how to relax.
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