phrases that may be true but you can't bear utter them for fear of sounding pompous

[Skarecrow]

what I mean is, you have heard other people say them and thought, "man this guy/gal is a real jerkoff" yet you realize that the same sentence could apply to you, so you opt not to say it for fear of sounding like the other pompous schmucks you've heard proclaim them.

(examples)

I don't watch television

I don't eat meat

I only watch A&E or CNN

I try to work out 3 times a week
------------------------------------
you guys get the picture.

[Sublight]

I don't tell people what college I attended unless they specifically ask or I'm interviewing for a job. Even when they do ask, I feel a twinge of "you're being an arrogant jerk" when I tell them.

--sublight.

[scr4]

I usually keep quiet about my college too, except to other researchers. But maybe that's because I don't feel worthy of my alma mater. I also keep quiet about the price of the few expensive toys I have, like my bicycles.

Other than that... I can't think of anything. I guess I really am a snob.

[TV time]

Saying "It is I" or "That's she."

I was raised by parents who spoke, and taught me to speak, well, but in casual conversation I get those, "who do you think you are, Shakespeare?" looks all the time when I use one or both of those phrases. Unfortunately it's like a Texan using "y'all" in Washington society. It comes out before I can think about it.

No, it's worse than a Texan in Washington. We don't have a literate person in the White House.

[lolagranola]

I have the same problem as TV Time. In my case, being a complete bookworm as a child was the culprit. I've spent years dumbing down my speech so I'll fit in better. The odd thing is that I lose that when I get drunk. The drunker I am, the more verbose I become. I'll use long, sometimes obscure words, when short ones would do.

[Ethilrist]

"Well, actually, I have a degree in music, and..."

I use that training so very rarely (other than to make personal decisions about what I like and dislike), it's kind of jarring to have to say, yes, I do have some training here.

[c_goat]

I hate telling people that I do Karate. I just like to talk about the things I do. I'm not bragging or saying that I could kick your ass. I also don't like being referred to as "Karate Master" because of it. I'm only a blue belt (2nd belt) for crying out loud.

[Winnowill]

"Sure, I've read (insert name of tome here)."

I have an MBA. Of course, so do a lot of people, but I'm unique in my office. I don't like to mention it. Unfortunately, one of my bosses always introduces me as "our resident MBA." Woo-hoo. It's not like it's from some spiffy university or anything.

The other one is my volunteer life. I volunteer for an animal organization, and was just appointed to the Board of Directors. I'm bustin' proud of it (I worked hard to get here), but I haven't told other volunteers, except those who are close friends. I still refer to it as "The Board" rather than "we" or "us".

Oh, and Lola? Me, too. Sigh.

Julie

[Pismonque]

I tend not to like the usual Hollywood fare when it comes to choosing movies to attend. But there sure as hell isn't a way to say "I don't like Hollywood movies" without sounding pretentious.

Also, try discussing art in a public place without sounding like an art snob.

[Kallessa]

"I don't watch the news on TV--I listen to NPR". I actually cringed when I heard that come out of my mouth. I didn't mean to sound snarky, I've just never been very impressed with Dan Rather and company.

[Snooooopy]

It's hard to mention a good SAT score without seeming pretentious.

[Tsugumo]

I've got a black belt in Taekwondo, but unless you ask me flat out I won't admit it...It's amazing how many people tell you "Show me some." What am I supposed to do, run around and kick the air shouting for a few minutes?

I've never seen Star Wars. Ever. None of them. That doesn't exactly make me sound pomopous, but you should see the looks I get when I tell people that.

- Tsugumo

[Tsugumo]

Pomopous? Sigh...

- Tsugumo

[iamutt]

I may be wrong, BUT....

[minlokwat]

Well, Jesus said ---and rightly so...

[iamutt]

-Is she ever gonna stop talking?

*wife*> "Do I look fat is this?"
"Hows my hair look?"
*hubby*> " UUUUUHHHHHH......???"

-Oh, is it my turn already..?

-"...yeah, yeah, I know EXACTLY where that is...!"

[justwannano]

Oh you mean something like"I've got the greatest sig line on the board"???

[justwannano]

I forgot to click show signiture,Again

[Cat Whisperer]

Not to start a Great Debate or anything, but I'm seeing kind of a common thread here - intelligent, well-educated, talented people not feeling comfortable with other people knowing they are intelligent well-educated, and talented. What kind of screwed-up, dumbed-down world are we living in where being capable is often viewed as a liability?

[vertigo]

I hear ya.

I used to get a lot of "using one of them $2 words, aint'cha?".

Note: never use the word "pedantic" about your boss, when talking to coworkers. Trust me.

[Cat Whisperer]

Oh yeah, I forgot to list my own pompous phrase; people will sometimes ask me what I'm reading - I'm a voracious, eclectic reader (there's a couple of $2 words for you), so I have been known to be reading things that pretty much stopped the conversation dead in its tracks (in a bad way). "Yeah, I'm just about done Stephen Hawkings Brief History of Time. How about you? How are you coming on your latest Harlequin romance?" Eep.

[waterj2]

Originally posted by featherlou
Not to start a Great Debate or anything, but I'm seeing kind of a common thread here - intelligent, well-educated, talented people not feeling comfortable with other people knowing they are intelligent well-educated, and talented. What kind of screwed-up, dumbed-down world are we living in where being capable is often viewed as a liability?

I don't think that's really it. When you say "Oh' I don't watch TV", while it might be true, you sound like you're being a snob or something. It's not that they'll think you're smart, but that they'll think that you think of yourself as being superior. One can be fiercely proud of one's Harvard education, but still not wish to insert that fact into conversation randomly. There's certain facts that are going to sound like bragging if mentioned out of context.

[CyberHippy]

"Oh, I don't watch TV..."

I did a good 5-year stint without television, and found I had to say this regularly because people so often communicate using the latest catchphrase from <Insert currently cool show here> and I had to explain the blank look on my face. The worst I recall was "Talk to the hand" - WTF:confused:

If nothing else, I learned during that time just how much TV is American Culture, and if you're not watching you're probably going to be out of the loop in many conversations.

Still don't own a television, my roommate's works just fine. :p

[Green Bean]

Originally posted by lolagranola
I have the same problem as TV Time. In my case, being a complete bookworm as a child was the culprit. I've spent years dumbing down my speech so I'll fit in better. The odd thing is that I lose that when I get drunk. The drunker I am, the more verbose I become. I'll use long, sometimes obscure words, when short ones would do.

Bwahaha! Me too!

I have really been enjoying the huge amount of Dopefest activity in the NYC area because Dopers don't tend to look askance at that sort of thing.

[Skarecrow]

Tsu- I have never seen any of the star wars movies either, I thought I was the only person on earth.

[Short]

Originally posted by CyberHippy
"Oh, I don't watch TV..."

I prefer "I don't have a TV." Everyone assumes I can't afford one (not an entirely baseless assumption for a poor college student).

Funny part is I own dozens of movies.

[Lemur866]

Originally posted by vertigo
I hear ya.

I used to get a lot of "using one of them $2 words, aint'cha?".

Note: never use the word "pedantic" about your boss, when talking to coworkers. Trust me.


The reason I love "pedantic" is that the word refers to itself. Pedantic is a pedantic word. Y'see? Isn't that funny? Um...nevermind....

[Balance]

I don't have to worry so much about sounding pompous as being thought deranged. Despite years of blank looks from people, I still use obscure quotes and references, and I still have that moment of surely-they've-heard/read/seen-it denial before I accept that they really don't know why I'm laughing. That's one reason I like Dopefests and my IFGS (LARP) group; they get the jokes.

I hate answering questions about how long I've been working with computers and electronics--that does sound pompous to me. I know the answers seem like too many years for someone my age.

I refuse to dumb down my vocabulary or my grammar--if I can be expected to keep up with other people's silly pop-culture references, then they can certainly keep up with proper usage. I'll stop and explain if need be, but I won't start with words of one syllable. (I like "pedantic" myself, although not as much as "esoteric", another self-referential term.)

[vertigo]

Thank you Lemur866!

I always thought I was being "oh so clever" when I used it in that context (you know..., clever in a ::groan:: kinda way).

Cleverness is lost on the masses.

... at least my version seems to be.

[ianzin]

I do happen to own a TV now, but I can live without easily, and did so for about three years. I was amazed at the reactions I got. Many people used to quiz me as if the concept was hard to elusive or grasp.

Me: "...I wouldn't know, I don't have a TV".
X: "What... not at all?"
Me: "Yes. I just don't watch TV".
X: "What, not even the news or something?"
Me: "Look, it's no big deal, I just don't have a TV".
X: "So you mean you don't watch it much...?"

And so on.

I also used to get people asking what on earth I did when I got home from work, as if to not have a TV meant there were no other viable options.

So I learned not to mention it.

[ChiefScott]

"To properly make love to a woman, I need, at a minimum, an hour. Any less and I feel I may have left her unsatisfied," says ChiefScott.

"There go his delusions of grandeur again," think the Teeming Millions.

[Thirty-Nine]

I have the "I don't watch TV" problem as well, and I wouldn't bring it up if people didn't keep talking about something hilarious from MTV. I usually try and qualify it with "It's not that I think the programs are bad, it's just that I always like to be doing something myself", and add "I don't like reading for the same reason" to water down any perceived superiority complex.

The most hideous example of this concerns my university application. I wrote a personal statement, and my careers advisor told me that a) it was too nerdy b) it could be taken as pretentious and c) they might suspect it wasn't written by me. Too nerdy!? Are universities going to think it's 'nerdy' that I can do some basic programming when I'm applying for a Math course? Apparently so. Is the word ‘lucid' too erudite? I guess it is. Is a 17-year-old high school student incapable of knowing what ‘lucid’ means? Yup. And, what was this personal statement for again…? Oh yeah, an institute of higher education. Please…

I was forced to replace the real substance with comments on irrelevant sports and theatrical activities that I’d already noted. All I can say is that I'm lucky I applied for an unpopular course. I later found out that British universities hardly care about extra curricular activities, and would rather see why you are suited for the course you chose.

Coming back to the word ‘lucid’, I notice that people are far less likely to notice a short yet uncommon word even if they would be hopeless to define it. Oh, and by the way, has anybody managed to use the word “defenestrate” in a non-pretentious manner? ;) There’s a challenge for everybody in this thread.

Quoting is also mired by this social phenomenon. If you want to quote acceptably, make sure you don’t actually acknowledge its creator – any knowledge of its origins will show you to be the book reading, high-and-mighty monster you are.

[Thirty-Nine]

I have the "I don't watch TV" problem as well, and I wouldn't bring it up if people didn't keep talking about something hilarious from MTV. I usually try and qualify it with "It's not that I think the programs are bad, it's just that I always like to be doing something myself", and add "I don't like reading for the same reason" to water down any perceived superiority complex.

The most hideous example of this concerns my university application. I wrote a personal statement, and my careers advisor told me that a) it was too nerdy b) it could be taken as pretentious and c) they might suspect it wasn't written by me. Too nerdy!? Are universities going to think it's 'nerdy' that I can do some basic programming when I'm applying for a Math course? Apparently so. Is the word ‘lucid' too erudite? I guess it is. Is a 17-year-old high school student incapable of knowing what ‘lucid’ means? Yup. And, what was this personal statement for again…? Oh yeah, an institute of higher education. Please…

I was forced to replace the real substance with comments on irrelevant sports and theatrical activities that I’d already noted. All I can say is that I'm lucky I applied for an unpopular course. I later found out that British universities hardly care about extra curricular activities, and would rather see why you are suited for the course you chose.

Coming back to the word ‘lucid’, I notice that people are far less likely to notice a short yet uncommon word even if they would be hopeless to define it. Oh, and by the way, has anybody managed to use the word “defenestrate” in a non-pretentious manner? ;) There’s a challenge for everybody in this thread.

Quoting is also mired by this social phenomenon. If you want to quote acceptably, make sure you don’t actually acknowledge its creator – any knowledge of its origins will show you to be the book reading, high-and-mighty monster you are.

[Thirty-Nine]

Hmm... I dig up an ancient post and then manage to double post. Sorry about that... I suppose I got carried way with the search function.

[RunSilent]

I try to avoid saying, "I built my own 1920s Style Death Ray."

[Philster]

"I am a member of the Straight Dope Message Board..."

...either that or 'cite?"

[twickster]

"I am a member of the Straight Dope Message Board..."

Or, even worse, "I am a charter member of the Straight Dope Message Board." :D

And, yeah, I tend to leave my Ph.D. out of casual conversation -- thank god I watch TV...

[Angua]

I don't tell people what college I attended unless they specifically ask or I'm interviewing for a job. Even when they do ask, I feel a twinge of "you're being an arrogant jerk" when I tell them.


Ditto. Heck, I even end up feeling embarrased where someone asks me where I studied.

[Trunk]

Not to start a Great Debate or anything, but I'm seeing kind of a common thread here - intelligent, well-educated, talented people not feeling comfortable with other people knowing they are intelligent well-educated, and talented. What kind of screwed-up, dumbed-down world are we living in where being capable is often viewed as a liability?
You just answered your own question, featherlou.

Because when we hear "I don't watch TV", "I don't eat fast food", and "I don't watch Hollywood movies", what we hear appended is "because those things are for the screwed-up and dumbed-down".

And, its just an American ethic. . .it's like the scene with the "how you like them apples" guy in "Good Will Hunting". It's like the Sam Adams beer commercials. It's why we like Rick instead of Victor Laszlo. It's why Slash rules and Stevie Vai sucks.

It just is. And though I'm intelligent and well-educated, I prefer it that way.

[jsgoddess]

Ditto. Heck, I even end up feeling embarrased where someone asks me where I studied.

My embarrassment about my alma mater isn't based on snobbery but on popularity. I'm a Notre Dame grad and ND tends to be pretty popular for non-alumns to have logos on their clothing or something. And people seem to believe that I care about ND sports programs. So, that seems to crop up, someone asking me if I'm disappointed about the current season, etc.

I also find it uncomfortable to be an atheist grad of a Catholic university.

[DeadlyAccurate]

I do happen to own a TV now, but I can live without easily, and did so for about three years. I was amazed at the reactions I got. Many people used to quiz me as if the concept was hard to elusive or grasp.

Me: "...I wouldn't know, I don't have a TV".
X: "What... not at all?"
Me: "Yes. I just don't watch TV".
X: "What, not even the news or something?"
Me: "Look, it's no big deal, I just don't have a TV".
X: "So you mean you don't watch it much...?"

And so on.

I also used to get people asking what on earth I did when I got home from work, as if to not have a TV meant there were no other viable options.

So I learned not to mention it.

Either that or you get, "Oh, well I don't watch much either." So I've learned to simply shake my head when I'm asked if I've seen Show X. Only if pressed will I admit I don't watch TV. I'm definitely not opposed to the shows. I have an ever-growing selection of TV shows on DVD. I watch a lot of movies.

[Dung Beetle]

Funny this thread should surface when I was thinking of posting something similar! I had an incident today at work where someone mispronounced a word in conversation, and when it was my turn to use the word, I did the same thing so the other person wouldn't be embarrassed by their mistake.
I also used to stumble a bit when reading aloud in elementary school, because everybody else did, and I didn't want them to know I could read the whole book in the time it took them to get through one page.

I also say, "I don't eat meat" instead of "I'm a vegetarian". It sounds a teensy bit less snooty.

[Grant]

"There are weeks when I don't turn on the tv, computer ..."

"I have not eaten at a fast food place in 7 years..." Funny how having to drive 20 miles to get to one changes your perception of these places.

"My body fat is about 9%..." or "I'm 35 and still have six pack abs.." Anything to do with fitness. I don't go shirtless very often or like ever. I feel awkward about it for some reason.

[ataraxy22]

Amongst the people I hang out with, not watching TV seems to be a point of pride, a blood sport almost, with everyone trying to out ignorance the other due to their non-watching. Secretly, I'm a real sucker for the so-called reality shows, but I play the "don't watch TV" game too. And, it's somewhat true due to my discovery this board and my adult-onset ADD. :D

Then there is a meta-pretentious statement, which I shall self-quote for maximal effect:
"I'm afraid to open my mouth for fear of sounding erudite and pompous."

[jsgoddess]

Funny this thread should surface when I was thinking of posting something similar! I had an incident today at work where someone mispronounced a word in conversation, and when it was my turn to use the word, I did the same thing so the other person wouldn't be embarrassed by their mistake.

I've been in that situation. What I've done is to say something like this:

Coworker: Blah blah blah mispronounced word.

Me: Blah blah blah um... mispronounced word? Is that how you say that? I've seen it in print but never heard it out loud. *Mispronounce again. Offer correct pronunciation. All with questioning tone.*

I've found that often the other person hasn't ever heard it and we can all get a laugh, even if I'm lying a little bit. Oh, and it often leads to looking it up and "finding" the right pronunciation.

[twickster]

For that matter, jsgoddess, sometimes my "is that how you say it?" question isn't even disingenuous, because I really have only encountered a word in print.

[finette6]

"I was valedictorian of my high school class"

It's really not that big of a deal, since there were only 103 of us (or was it 102?). I'm just kinda proud of it since I managed it while skipping a phenomenal number of days in Junior and Senior years to hang out with my already-graduated friends, and also after failing to actually pass any of my middle school classes (in another state) due to absenteeism.

The reason it tends to come up in conversation is that most of the members of my current social set were "bad animals" (so to speak) in their HS days, and the talk often turns to what we did when we skipped school, and what the consequences were (in my case none).

also, and related:

"I went to a montessori school until 4th grade."

I feel like this doesn't sit well with people who went to abusive Catholic grade schools or blighted inner city public ones. Even so, it doesn't seem fair that I should have to sit on my stories while they revel in tales of the "Fraction walk of shame" and lining up at recess.

also, but this doesn't really count because I am really proud of it:

"I have yet to spend a penny in a Wal-Mart"

even though there are 3 within driving distance of my home.

[FilmGeek]

I have a friend who used to have a problem with always telling people what college she attended. Yes, she was a snob. Now, she's stopped telling people, because folks around here don't care. It mattered to people when she lived on the coast, it seems.

I have a tendency to tell people that "yes, I have my bachelor's degree"... because I work in a college bookstore, and they all assume that I'm a student. I feel a little snobby when I say it.

I tend to correct my brother in the "is that how you say it?" way now, because as a kid I was always correcting him (I have a knack for remembering how things are pronounced and he doesn't). He's intelligent, a writer and a soon-to-be new daddy, but he still calls the tv show "Steinfeld". :smack:

[jsgoddess]

For that matter, jsgoddess, sometimes my "is that how you say it?" question isn't even disingenuous, because I really have only encountered a word in print.

Oh, absolutely. That's how I learned this trick, by saying it honestly when I ran across a spoken word I'd never heard or tried to say before.

In general, most people will happily admit they might be mangling a word if I say up front that I'm not sure of the pronunciation myself. Of course, that works for almost any piece of information. Saying, "Oh, I didn't know that! I always assumed X" is a really good way to lead to the correct info without coming across as aggressive or judgmental. Yes, it's sometimes a bit dishonest, but heck, I'm so often unsure that I'm willing to look a little more ignorant than I really am.

[DeadlyAccurate]

I've done the "Is that how you say it?" bit myself. I have a friend who consistently mispronounces words. If I'm not 100% sure, I'll ask. He also mispronounces paladin ("PAL a din") as "pa LAD in" and melee (MAY lay) as "meely." I refuse to mispronounce those, since it's kinda hard to play D&D and constantly have to wonder how you're saying two key words.

[Elysian]

I have the same problem as TV Time. In my case, being a complete bookworm as a child was the culprit. I've spent years dumbing down my speech so I'll fit in better. The odd thing is that I lose that when I get drunk. The drunker I am, the more verbose I become. I'll use long, sometimes obscure words, when short ones would do.

This happened to me at one of the first college parties I ever attended.

There we all were, drinking cheap beer from flimsy cheap plastic cups, boogying to the latest song-guaranteed-to-make-you-deaf, and this guy comes up to me and says something.

I was so drunk I don't remember what he said, but I do remember that I was offended. So instead of clamming up like I do when I'm sober, I just put him in his place in the most delightful fashion. I don't even remember what it was I said, only that it was fun to really speak my mind. I was probably declaiming like the best Shakespearean actor (I had been reading Hamlet for the fifth time that week).

Instead of exiting stage right in a huff like I expected, he called over a couple of friends of his and requested that I repeat all of what I said. I complied, although I was really confused as to why he'd want to be publicly humiliated in that way.

They thought I was great. They owned the house, and they invited me in the back and we played cards and smoked packs of cigarettes until way in the AM. When I left they invited me to come over any time.

I wish I knew what it was I said!

[RainGrowsBrite]

When people try and have a conversation about The Lord of the Rings movies and I have to tell them,

"Sorry, I wont watch those movies...." followed by an explanation. People get so pissed off about it.

Or when I tell people that "I don't drink soda."


I do what I can to avoid those.




P.S.- Don't get on my back about the LOTR thing.

-Rain

[Eve]

I copy-edit a magazine. I always cross out "hopefully" and write in "it is to be hoped."

My editors always cross out my correction and replace it with "hopefully."

I despair.

[stargazer]

Oh, and by the way, has anybody managed to use the word “defenestrate” in a non-pretentious manner? ;) There’s a challenge for everybody in this thread.

My favorite is, "Oh, go defenestrate yourself."

'Course, that's usually best said sotto voce. How do you say voce, anyway? I think it would be "vo-chay," but I'm not sure -- I've only seen it! :)

[Tower Dweller]

P.S.- Don't get on my back about the LOTR thing.

-Rain

You're among friends here... can you share your reason?

My vocabulary really opens up when I'm drunk too - when someone noticed one time I actually said "I get very eloquent when I'm inebriated" and I really wasn't trying to be so pompous. My brain just seems to want to use some big words for a change.

I hate urban legends - I reply to all chain letters telling people to not sent them to me, and I always correct friends that spout of crap that could be disproved on snopes.com in 20 seconds. I'm sure I sound pompous when doing so.

[RainGrowsBrite]

You're among friends here... can you share your reason?



Sure. Sorry, I just kind of shy away from it because I tire of the debates...

First off I will start by saying that I did infact see the first one because I am such a big fan of the book and was so excited to see the film attempt. Also, I realize the large challenge of making any book into a film- especially that one. However, IMHO, I don't think the films do the books justice. There were some very dissapointing parts and parts that made me stand up and say, "Hey, that wasnt even part of the story!". As I said- I love the book, and I would prefer to keep my vision of it clear. I don't want the movies to sway the story and the way that I perceived it by reading it. So, there you go. :)

[Leaper]

Because when we hear "I don't watch TV", "I don't eat fast food", and "I don't watch Hollywood movies", what we hear appended is "because those things are for the screwed-up and dumbed-down".


Well, not just that; in the context of this thread, the appendix is "because those things are for the screwed-up and dumbed-down, like YOU. Yeah, you, the person I'm talking to, you dull-minded Philistinian sheep."

Thus the concern about offense.

Oh, and something for Eve (and others interested), here's a discussion of "hopefully" (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=hopefully) quoted from the American Heritage Dictionary. Interestingly, it says that "[i]t is not easy to explain why critics dislike this use," and that there "is no precise substitute."

[Chastain86]

I try to keep the size of my DVD collection on the down-low. I own about 300 DVDs, and while it's not the biggest collection I've ever seen (the guy that runs my comic shop has over 1,200) my co-workers think I'm a walking Blockbuster or something.

Hey, everybody has to collect something.