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View Full Version : Where is biographical info about Cecil Adams?


05-04-1999, 10:53 AM
I would like to know the educational/professional background of the Straight Dope. How did he get so smart? Personal info would be interesting, too.

Can you refer me to a web page? I didn't see much bio info on the straight dope home page, expect for small items on THE [OFFICIAL] STRAIGHT DOPE FAQ:

"Cecil's life and methods are cloaked in mystery."

17.What do we know about Cecil's private life?
Not much. Over the years he has revealed a few details in the column. For example, he is left-handed. That tells you a lot right there. We also know that there is a Mrs. Adams, although, now that we think about it, that could be his mother. Cecil has made reference from time to time to "the little researchers." These may be children. On the other hand, maybe he just hires dwarves on the side.

05-04-1999, 11:01 AM
I suspect Cecil just wants his privacy. Think of how badly it would interfere with his anti-ignorance work if he were constantly hounded by the media, groupies, and autograph seekers, and there were plaques and monuments at every spot on the earth where he had ever been.

Ed, on the other hand, seems to love the publicity he gets as the Straight Dope "front man". Go ahead, ask Ed some questions. Then try to get him to stop talking..

05-04-1999, 11:05 AM
Also, "The Straight Dope" is not Cecil's nickname, it's just the name of the column he writes. Cecil's nicknames are things like "The Omniscient One".

05-04-1999, 11:12 AM
Cecil is an intensely private man. He values his personal freedom, which is why he has cultivated the "air of mystery." The deep secrecy is his only protection from the hordes of intellectumaniacs who would dog him all the days of his life. We have learned to respect his wishes and to not pry.
Some of us here have closer ties with the Chicago Reader than others and still know little about the man behind the curtain.
I do have it on good authority that Cecil has been described as "intense" and "weird."


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Dr. Fidelius, Charlatan
Associate Curator Anomalous Paleontology, Miskatonic University
"You cannot reason a man out of a position that he did not use reason to reach."

05-04-1999, 03:11 PM
Sat:J.C.
Sun:His Dad.

05-04-1999, 03:23 PM
Actually, there is no longer a "Cecil Adams." The rights to the name were bought out in 1975 by a consortium of Japanese businessmen, to provide a front for laudnering Yakuza money from illegal Pachinko machines.

They also produce an excellent range of canned cetacean products, including dog food.

At the time of name sale, the individual formerly known as "Cecil Adams" became known as Rene Simard, and enjoyed a short-lived career as a teen heartthrob in Quebec.

Inside sources say that an increasingly eccentric Simard/Adams is kept alive in a hyperbaric chamber somewhere in the Urals, where bills are paid in cash and few questions asked. His two passions are for fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and proving that the Illuminati are responsible for Britany Spear's success.

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"A friend will help you move house. A best friend will help you move a body."--Alexi Sayle

05-04-1999, 07:16 PM
Sure I can tell you who Cecil Adams is, but then I'd have to kill you...

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"I've got a bad feeling about this..."
--Star Wars Episodes IV-VI
Spoken by many people in many circumstances

05-04-1999, 08:23 PM
cecil adams = thomas pynchon????
illuminati = thurn und taxis????


have to display my only knowledge gleaned from 21 hours of college English

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shiner bock

"Now its over, I'm dead and I haven't done anything that I want, or I'm still alive and there's nothing I want to do." -- They Might Be Giants

05-05-1999, 12:16 AM
In the Teeming Millions page(ask OpalCat)there's a picture of Cecil's desk, unless it's a joke.

05-05-1999, 12:41 AM
A&E's Biography has pushed back the air date for a week of shows:

Mon: Director Alan Smithee

Tues: Political insider Deep Throat

Wed: Author Anonymous

Thurs: Sky diver D. B. Cooper

Fri: Columnist Cecil Adams

The shows archivists are calling the shows "a little thin" in actual biographical content, but assure the public that they'll pad the shows out with evocative commentary by host Peter Graves and incisive interviews with members of the British royal family.

05-05-1999, 01:32 AM
I thought Cecil Adams was really some guy named de Vere.

05-05-1999, 03:15 AM
I thought Cecil was short for Cecille.

05-05-1999, 11:00 AM
I guess Cecil works for the Chicago Reader. Does that mean he lives in the Chicago area?

"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago." -Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

05-05-1999, 11:56 AM
Isn't Ed Zotti really Cecil? That was in Biggest Secrets by William Poundstone. There is no biographical information though.

________________________________________

Why is there a black sedan with tinted windows and no license plates parked in front of my house?

05-05-1999, 01:24 PM
Yes, Virginia, there is a Cecil Adams.

- We do know a few facts about him.

a) He is omniscient, infallable and the final and highest authority on the Straight Dope. It doesn't really matter how he got "that smart."

b) He's stated in several forums that he wishes to remain anonymous.

- Ergo, proving who he is would refute fact one -- but fact one is irrefutable. His wishing to remain anonymous would likewise be protected by his infallability.

- We must be satisfied -- nay, we must rejoice -- with his apparent benevolence in deigning to address our petty queries.

- So Cheese, bask in Cecil's glow and ponder not the imponderable!

05-05-1999, 02:09 PM
At the time of name sale, the individual formerly known as "Cecil Adams" became known as Rene Simard, and enjoyed a short-lived career as a teen heartthrob in Quebec.

My GOD!!

What a masterful cover! I would NEVER have suspected René Simard was the world's smartest man.

Damn Illuminati!

05-06-1999, 12:12 AM
Sure he is. And Elvis is working the night shift in the 7-11, just down the street.

The truth is, Ed wishes he was as smart as Cecil, just like the rest of his followers do. And he does consider it a compliment when people suggest he is actually the World's Most Intellegent Human Being [TM].

05-06-1999, 12:47 AM
William Poundstone is jealous of Little Ed. He wishes that *he* was writer of trivial books chosen to be the editor of Cecil. Take anything Poundstone says with a firkin of salt.
Have you seen Ed lately? Being Cecil's editor sure has aged him...

Poto
09-19-1999, 07:09 AM
Oh the faq! Forgot to read them when I signed up in April.

09-19-1999, 07:31 AM
Listen, Cheese-Boy!

The Mighty Cecil does not live in the otherwise quite worthy Chicago area.

Instead, somewhere in a remote alpine fastness, a Gothic monestary looms atop a jagged & remote peak.
There, isolated from Cheese-wiz, "Sonny & Cher" reruns, words that end in -gry, and old Gallagher routines, the Celestial Cecil emits his pearls of wisdom; which are immediately inscribed on vellum, papryus, gilt-edged scrolls and old Cheetos wrappers to be distributed around the word to the tasteful;to the discrimminating;to the erudite; and, yes, to lice-ridden cretins like you.

<font size=5> So on your knees, you rum-sodden wanker! And beg the Celestial Cecil for his enlightened mercy! Or come Human Sacrifice Night at the monestary, you gonna be invited, that's for sure!</font>

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We have met the enemy, and He is Us.--Walt Kelly

whitetho
09-19-1999, 08:29 AM
To the best of my knowledge, Unca Cece neither expects nor encourages human sacrifices, despite what some of his more fanatical followers might believe.

I suspect the best way to honor Cecil is to buy, and memorize, all of his books. It also wouldn't hurt to click on some of the banners ads appearing in the Straight Dope web site.

DSYoungEsq
09-20-1999, 08:21 AM
Everyone knows that Christopher Marlowe wrote all Unca Cece's stuff.

Besides, it was all predicted by Nostradamus.

moriah
09-20-1999, 01:34 PM
Cecil is only as good as his editor, who has to do all the fact checking. So, it would behoove you to find out as much biographical information on Ed Zotti, Jane, et. al. (and don't forget the previouse editors!).

Peace.