Toaster Manufacturers

[blindboyard]

Fuck you, toaster manufacturers and fuck you warburton bread.

What idiot decided to make a loaf of bread with "Toastie" written on it which doesn't fit into a toaster? I hate nothing more than that little soft bit of bread at the top of each slice where it sticks out the top of the toaster. It's just warm and soft and floppy, its cloying moisture sticking to the roof of my mouth makes me physically sick. And the top crust, when properly toasted, is the best bit! If I wanted normal bread and butter then I wouldn't be using a toaster, would I?

Well, from now on I'm buying the little own brand loaves which don't stick out the top of the toaster. Then I'm going to grill them. Take that.

[the lone cashew]

Fuck you, toaster manufacturers and fuck you warburton bread.

What idiot decided to make a loaf of bread with "Toastie" written on it which doesn't fit into a toaster? I hate nothing more than that little soft bit of bread at the top of each slice where it sticks out the top of the toaster. It's just warm and soft and floppy, its cloying moisture sticking to the roof of my mouth makes me physically sick. And the top crust, when properly toasted, is the best bit! If I wanted normal bread and butter then I wouldn't be using a toaster, would I?

Well, from now on I'm buying the little own brand loaves which don't stick out the top of the toaster. Then I'm going to grill them. Take that.

First, place the slice upside down in the toaster assuring that your favorite edge of the toast is cooked.
Next get a dog. That way when you chop off the bottom of the "worthless" uncooked toast - severing it from the otherwise wonderful piece - you'll have a good friend who won't find the morsel miserable.

[Enderw24]

So you're pitting the manufacturer of toasters because it didn't create a toasting device that would fit literally every conceivable bread in existence?

[Zeriel]

So you're pitting the manufacturer of toasters because it didn't create a toasting device that would fit literally every conceivable bread in existence?

I have noticed that every time I replace a toaster, the newer one holds bread of smaller dimensions.

[PlainJain]

I hate nothing more than that little soft bit of bread at the top of each slice where it sticks out the top of the toaster. It's just warm and soft and floppy, its cloying moisture sticking to the roof of my mouth makes me physically sick.
There's this device called a knife...

[blindboyard]

So you're pitting the manufacturer of toasters because it didn't create a toasting device that would fit literally every conceivable bread in existence?

Well, it fails to contain Hovis and Warburton, which are the two brand leaders in this country in the sliced white loaf market. And I've had this problem with at least three different toasters. There seems to be a standardised size for both bread and toaster, with the standard toaster not properly containing the standard bread. It's just a good job that cheap loaves reduce costs by reducing the height of the loaf.

I don't spend my hard earned money on bread and toasters just to cut off the bits the toaster has negligently refused to toast and feed them to a dog.

[Astroboy14]

I don't spend my hard earned money on bread and toasters just to cut off the bits the toaster has negligently refused to toast and feed them to a dog.

Well, see, there's your problem right there!

You just need a change of attitude. Change that to: "I do spend my hard earned money on bread and toasters just to cut off the bits the toaster has helpfully refused to toast and feed them to a dog." and you'll be all set!

YW.

[Mr. Moto]

You're British. You aren't supposed to complain about your ubiquitous substandard electrical appliances - you're supposed to accept them with stoicism.

[Sailboat]

You're British. You aren't supposed to complain about your ubiquitous substandard electrical appliances - you're supposed to accept them with stoicism.

Or bite off the untoasted portion with that stiff upper lip. :)

[friedo]

I want one of those giant conveyor-belt bagel toasters like they have in cafeterias and delis.

Not because I have a tremendous amount of stuff to toast, I just like watching bread get slowly gobbled by the conveyor until it pukes out toast.

[Oakminster]

Get a toaster oven instead of the pop-up style toaster. Problem solved.

[california jobcase]

Just be glad Lucas doesn't make toasters, or your toast would be raw or your house would burn down.

[Darth Panda]

Just flip the bread half way through...

I flip it a few times for perfect eveness, side to side, top to bottom, piece to piece...

But I'm as little crazy, so whatever... I do like toast , though.

[Ferret Herder]

Just flip the bread half way through...

I flip it a few times for perfect eveness, side to side, top to bottom, piece to piece...

But I'm as little crazy, so whatever... I do like toast , though.
Doesn't the very middle get overly toasted, then?

[blindboyard]

Or bite off the untoasted portion with that stiff upper lip. :)

Biting with your lips is called kissing. It's like biting but without a winner. Kissing my toast isn't something I'm into.

Get a toaster oven instead of the pop-up style toaster. Problem solved.

So you want me to give more money into the gaping maw of the toaster industry? Reward their incompetence and greed with yet more money for another of their substandard products? Never!

[Darth Panda]

Doesn't the very middle get overly toasted, then?

No, you still toast it the normal amount of time you would, it's just that the hot spots (and parts that may not fit) are kind of balanced out. So, one piece isn't more toasted than the other, one side of either piece isn't more toasted than the other, the top isn't more toasted than the bottom, etc.

[kidchameleon]

Get two toasters. After placing the toast into the first one, invert the second toaster over the first. Activate both at once. Remove the inverted toaster when toasting is complete. Enjoy toast.

[blindboyard]

Two toasters is an unacceptable solution. And any amount of rotating the bread will inevitably leave the middle of each slice overdone or the edges underdone.

[Fear Itself]

I want one of those giant conveyor-belt bagel toasters like they have in cafeterias and delis.

Not because I have a tremendous amount of stuff to toast, I just like watching bread get slowly gobbled by the conveyor until it pukes out toast.Ah, what you need is the Toast-O-Lator (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS6HfCN2eLQ). It's like a car wash for toast.

[Smeghead]

What, is your oven's broiler setting broken, you lazy bastard?

[Steophan]

If you're buying sliced bread of any kind, complaining about the quality of the product is like a similie I'm too drunk to think of. But you may get my point anyway.

[SeaDragonTattoo]

I threw out my toaster and now indulge in butter both sides first, brown to toasty crisp buttery goodness in a pan. So much better, anyway!

[Sierra Indigo]

What, is your oven's broiler setting broken, you lazy bastard?

The OP's oven doesn't have a 'broiler' setting

[Dag Otto]

Two toasters is an unacceptable solution. And any amount of rotating the bread will inevitably leave the middle of each slice overdone or the edges underdone.

Well, I guess I won't be suggesting the rotisserie toaster.

[GIGObuster]

You're British. You aren't supposed to complain about your ubiquitous substandard electrical appliances - you're supposed to accept them with stoicism.
Maybe he is a Brit from the future. :)

Does anyone want any toast?
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRq_SAuQDec) (Red Dwarf's hate of toaster manufacturers.)

[blindboyard]

Toaster: Howdy doodly do. How's it going? I'm Talkie, Talkie Toaster, your chirpy breakfast companion. Talkie's the name, toasting's the game. Anyone like any toast?
Lister: Look, I don't want any toast, and he doesn't want any toast. In fact, no one around here wants any toast. Not now, not ever. No toast.
Toaster: How 'bout a muffin?
Lister: Or muffins. Or muffins. We don't like muffins around here. We want no muffins, no toast, no teacakes, no buns, baps, baguettes or bagels, no croissants, no crumpets, no pancakes, no potato cakes and no hot-cross buns and definitely no smegging flapjacks.
Toaster: Aah, so you're a waffle man.

Yes, that's what I want, an obliging toaster.

What I do not want is to buy another toaster, a double-decker toaster, to buy a second toaster to put on top of my existing toaster, to use a special over just for toast, to use a conveyor-belt or car-wash based toaster, a rotisserie toaster, or anything involving mysterious "settings" for an oven (which I imagine to be similar to "temperatures" on my oven).

What I do want is to bring down the evil toaster conglomerates. To tear their ill-gotten profits from their gaping maws. To send their designers back to wherever they learned to design toasters, or possibly somewhere where they can learn to do it properly. To establish a compensation scheme for their victims and to extract from their share-holders, those who have benefited from this villainy, the means to establish a new toaster regime, in which the toasters on the world toast bread properly, evenly, and thoroughly and in which each toaster comes with a complimentary toast rack.

I will therefore be writing a letter to my MP.

[kaylasdad99]

Get a big sheet of asbestos, and pound two nails into it (about eight inches apart should do just fine).

Get a blowtorch. When you want toast, impale the bread on the nails, fire up the blowtorch, and get to work...

[nicole1912]

If you turn the bread on its side, doesn't it fit then, without leaving an untoasted top edge?

[blindboyard]

If you turn the bread on its side, doesn't it fit then, without leaving an untoasted top edge?

Would that it were, but the toaster isn't wide enough to contain the bread if I put it in sideways, as it isn't tall enough if I put it in properways.

[Angua]

Would that it were, but the toaster isn't wide enough to contain the bread if I put it in sideways, as it isn't tall enough if I put it in properways.

See, that's your problem! My parents always toast their toastie sideways on in a larger toaster.

[Yorikke]

I have noticed that every time I replace a toaster, the newer one holds bread of smaller dimensions.

Me too! I go through a lot of toasters, and the most recent one couldn' hold anything bigger than a hydrogen atom.

Joe

[SeaDragonTattoo]

When I did have a toaster, it was a bagel toaster. Pretty much toasted everything, including sandwiches. If you must use a toaster, I recommend the bagel style.

[SSgtBaloo]

First, place the slice upside down in the toaster assuring that your favorite edge of the toast is cooked.
Next get a dog. That way when you chop off the bottom of the "worthless" uncooked toast - severing it from the otherwise wonderful piece - you'll have a good friend who won't find the morsel miserable.

Best Answer. Not necessarily the most useful, but best.

Get two toasters. After placing the toast into the first one, invert the second toaster over the first. Activate both at once. Remove the inverted toaster when toasting is complete. Enjoy toast.

Second Best Answer. Same as above, but no dogs.

Yes, that's what I want, an obliging toaster.

What I do not want is to buy another toaster, a double-decker toaster, to buy a second toaster to put on top of my existing toaster, to use a special over just for toast, to use a conveyor-belt or car-wash based toaster, a rotisserie toaster, or anything involving mysterious "settings" for an oven (which I imagine to be similar to "temperatures" on my oven).

What I do want is to bring down the evil toaster conglomerates. To tear their ill-gotten profits from their gaping maws. To send their designers back to wherever they learned to design toasters, or possibly somewhere where they can learn to do it properly. To establish a compensation scheme for their victims and to extract from their share-holders, those who have benefited from this villainy, the means to establish a new toaster regime, in which the toasters on the world toast bread properly, evenly, and thoroughly and in which each toaster comes with a complimentary toast rack.

I will therefore be writing a letter to my MP.

Write a letter to Black and Decker. Include the dimensions of your favorite bread. I'm sure they make a toaster that will fit the bread you have.

I have a toaster oven. It does toast, hot dogs, baked potatoes and so on. It's much more useful than a toaster, and I could very nearly toast an entire loaf in one go.

The source of your pain stems from an inability (or disinclination) of the toaster designers to communicate with bread manufacturers. Many, if not most, engineers are book-smart but real-world stupid. They design things like toasters with an oblivious disregard to the dimensions of actual bread. After all, the manufacturer's standards book has the "official" standard of bread dimensions, so why refer to actual bread?

[elmwood]

Ah, what you need is the Toast-O-Lator (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS6HfCN2eLQ). It's like a car wash for toast.

But not for bagels, which vintage toasters are useless for. I picked up an early 1950s-ish GE toaster at an estate sale last summer for $10. It's beautiful, and in nearly mint condition, with even the original cloth electrical cord being intact. It makes perfect toast. However, try loading it with half of a sliced bagel, or even bread sliced more than a centimeter thick. Can't be done, unless you step on the bagels first. Bread must have been sliced much thinner back in the 1950s.

[Fear Itself]

But not for bagels, which vintage toasters are useless for. I picked up an early 1950s-ish GE toaster at an estate sale last summer for $10. It's beautiful, and in nearly mint condition, with even the original cloth electrical cord being intact. It makes perfect toast. However, try loading it with half of a sliced bagel, or even bread sliced more than a centimeter thick. Can't be done, unless you step on the bagels first. Bread must have been sliced much thinner back in the 1950s.At the time the Toast-O-Lator was introduced, eating bagels was a sign you were a Fellow Traveller, or worse.

[Mr. Moto]

Maybe he is a Brit from the future. :)

Does anyone want any toast?
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRq_SAuQDec) (Red Dwarf's hate of toaster manufacturers.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLzsbtTzIdI

Toast!