Parents: your young adult child decides to become a nude model. Are you okay with it?

[Skald the Rhymer]

A couple of things before we start:

1) For purposes of this discussion, parent includes adoptive parents, stepparents, and other legal guardians as well as biological parents, so long as there is a strong emotional connection between you and the child. If you think of yourself as a parent, you are on.

2) Young adult means at least 18 but under -- oh, let's say 22. College age.

3) A link to the sort of photographs I mean can be found inside the spoiler box below. Obviously it's not safe for work.


David Winge's photo gallery on Deviant Art (http://dwingephotography.deviantart.com/gallery/)

And now the situation. Your child discloses to you that she or he has been approached by a photographer and asked to pose nude for photographs that will be published both on the web and in a book. The photographer is reasonably well-known and has a good reputation and references; additionally, the tog's sexual orientation is such so that you can reasonably infer that the tog's not just trying to get into your child's pants (i.e,, if your child is female, then it's a gay male or straight female; if your child is male, then a straight male or lesbian.) You meet the tog and get no inkling that she or he means ill to your child.

Are you bothered by your child's desire to pose thus? If yes, do you try to persuade her or him otherwise? Why do you choose and act as you do?

[xkit0katx]

As long as they consider the implications (if any) this could have on their future career endeavors, and have made an educated decision re. how much they actually care about that, then I would be quite supportive.

Reasons:
Having a job is a Very Good thing, even better if it's not in the Evil Service Industry.
Also, I've always thought that doing artsy nude modeling would be kindof fun (no idea how I'd get into that, though), and it would be rather hypocritical of me to disapprove

(This is all purely hypothetical, though, as I have no children)

[RTFirefly]

Father, one son currently just shy of his 4th birthday. Given his cuteness factor, it wouldn't completely surprise me if someone tried to get him to be a nude model 15 years down the road.

I'd be a bit uncomfortable with it, but his sexuality is his own, and what he does with it as an adult is his choice. By that point, I'll have already done my best to encourage him to make responsible choices. I suspect I'll be far more worried that he'll knock up some girl than I'd be worried about his doing nude modeling.

[Rhiannon8404]

Mother of a 12 yo boy. I would actively oppose my child (male or female) posing for nude photos. That is, I would voice my disapproval and point out all the reasons I could think of why I thought it was a bad idea. I would ask him to think about it again before deciding. If he still wanted to do it, I wouldn't be happy about it, but I would not disown him or anything like that. I would probably just not bring it up again.

[rhubarbarin]

I'm not a parent yet, but my little sister is basically doing this. It's always artists and professional photographers taking her picture, I've never seen any graphic nudity, but I am not okay with it. I have told her how I feel - but I wouldn't go so far as 'actively opposing' anything she does, she is 20 years old and a self-sufficent (somewhat- she doesn't take anything from my parents at least) adult. It's her life. I just don't approve of this part of it.

I doubt I would feel any differently with my own child when I am older.

No you may not see the pictures. :)

[Maggie the Ocelot]

I did figure modeling in my youth for life drawing classes. I would have no issues with my (hypothetical) child doing this.

[Skald the Rhymer]

I'm not a parent yet, but my little sister is basically doing this.
<snip>

No you may not see the pictures. :)

Nude pictures have been provided in the OP. Besides, in my mischief-maker guise, I have repeaterscopes trained on all Earth's comely women at all times, save only my baby sister and stepdaughter.

[perfectparanoia]

I would oppose it only because these things have a way of catching up to you later in life. If they are okay with all their future peers, bosses and children potentially seeing the pics, I guess it would be okay.

I would definitely inform them about what can and does happen.

[Scubaqueen]

IANAP, but not no way not no how would I allow a child of mine to participate in something like that.

When they reach the age of consent, then we'd revisit it, but certainly not until then. Even after, I'd still probably pitch a fit and fall in it. Kids grow up too damn fast as it is. They don't need any more acceleration.

[Skald the Rhymer]

IANAP, but not no way not no how would I allow a child of mine to participate in something like that.

When they reach the age of consent, then we'd revisit it, but certainly not until then.


The OP is explicit that the person in question is a child only in the offspring sense, not the subadult sense.


2) Young adult means at least 18 but under -- oh, let's say 22. College age.

Clearly the daughter or son in question does not need your signature on any release forms.

[bump]

As long as it's not pornographic or exploitative, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Someone had to model for Michelangelo, you know.

[WhyNot]

I actually vote differently for my son and my daughter, but probably not for the reasons you may think.

First of all, there's just no way my son would do it, so it's less threatening to contemplate. But more to the point, he's not going to be a public figure. Ever. It's just not in him. He's very shy, very private, and wants a career in Electronics Engineering or something like that.

My daughter, OTOH, is very outgoing, very passionate about social injustice and already (at age 6) bitten by the theater bug. Add to that a very penetrating intellegence and love for debate, and I really wouldn't be surprised if she ends up either in entertainment or in law/politics. And especially in politics, those kinds of pictures could be very damaging to her career, even 20 or 30 years down the road.

So I'd have more reservations about my daughter doing it, as it would have potentially greater impact on her professional life.

At the end of the day though, of course it's their decision. But I'm going to be doing a lot more, "Are you SURE this is what you want? Remember that Weiner guy when you were 6?" with her than with him.

[Ají de Gallina]

If they are adults there's little I can do about it, but I would actively oppose.

[Anaamika]

Fascist pig!

[clairobscur]

Being a model is a perfectly legit occupation (albeit, from what I read, often tiring and strenuous). I doubt there are many models doing only nude work, and I don't think there's much difference between both in any case, except in the more or less perverted mind of some onlookers. And there are 50 yo overweight people doing modeling, including nude.

Basically, I think you put too much importance in the "nude" aspect, by sexualizing it.


Also, you're a fascist pig.

[NinetyWt]

2) Young adult means at least 18 but under -- oh, let's say 22. College age.

I'm a little confused about this part. Wouldn't a person have to be 21 years old to be an "adult" as far as consenting to nude pictures? That's my first thought but I reckon I could be wrong.

I wouldn't be okay with it for the reason that things of this nature have a nasty way of turning up further down the road at the worst possible time. However, if the child wasn't living with me then it would be none of my business.

[aceplace57]

I have no issues with my adult children posing for a professional photographer that wants to take artistic photos. That would include Playboy.

Gynecological stuff for Hustler is different. I'd certainly caution anyone that pictures like that could be highly embarrassing many years later.

Ultimately it's a choice any adult has the right to make. I wouldn't allow this to harm my relationship with my kids. As adults I have no control over their choices in life. I can offer advice, but they are free to ignore it.

[guestchaz]

Mother of a 12 yo boy. I would actively oppose my child (male or female) posing for nude photos. That is, I would voice my disapproval and point out all the reasons I could think of why I thought it was a bad idea. I would ask him to think about it again before deciding. If he still wanted to do it, I wouldn't be happy about it, but I would not disown him or anything like that. I would probably just not bring it up again.

yeah what you said, maybe explore some of the possible bad results of the decision also

[Moonlitherial]

My kids are right in the range of the OP. Son is 22, daughter turns 21 this month and I voted bothered by but not enough to oppose it.

I would likely have the opposite reaction of Whynot but for the same reasons. My son is the quiet determined type and he's much more likely to find a cause that is worth fighting for and go as far as it takes to get it fixed. That or he's going to be a teacher. Either way this seems like a poor choice.

Daughter is an art student and is determined to find a way to mix her business smarts with her art and make a living from it. She could argue that the pictures would actually enhance her career.

I wouldn't really be comfortable with it but both kids have been making decisions on their own for a couple years with input from us gradually decreasing. Now they really only get advice when they ask and I've had a lot of practice biting my tongue.

[aruvqan]

I did nude modeling back when I was in college the first time around, it was a way to make some easy money. Most difficult thing was holding a single pose, at least the studio was heated nicely.

My mom and dad had nothing to say about it, it was none of their damned business. I was over 18.

[Ura-Maru]

Has anyone ever actually gotten in trouble over artsy, professional nude photos?

I honestly find it difficult to imagine any scenario where this could come back to haunt someone. "Mrs. Simmons, did you take an art class?! That's not the image DoucheBagCo wishes to present!"

I'd be more worried about expressing an opinion on something that later turns to be unpopular, honestly. And I doubt most parents would warn their children about that. Reasonable caution is all well and good, but you can't live your life in fear of what douchebags might say about you.

Course, I'm not a parent. But I'll refrain from accusations of fascism provided you'll share some of those surveillance photos. Preferably from Portugal and the dorms of art colleges.

--
Our new Senator, in additon to beign kind of a douche himself, posed for a sexy shirtless calender when he was younger. This was, at worst, considered fodder for a few light jokes.

[Ají de Gallina]

Fascist pig!

Card-carrying dues-paying fascist pig, mind you.

[kombatminipig]

Card-carrying dues-paying fascist pig, mind you.

So you're saying that fascists have unions?

Skald, you unionized fascist goat, I take offense at the pig thing!

[Peremensoe]

I did figure modeling in my youth for life drawing classes. I would have no issues with my (hypothetical) child doing this.

That's a bit different than posing for photographs. Besides the obvious, the products of drawing classes rarely get much distribution.

[Anaamika]

What blows my mind the most about this scenario is the young adult coming and telling his parent they are doing nude photographs. Would kids really tell their parents such? I would just say I was doing some modeling.

[TriPolar]

If it was good enough for Betty White...

[WhyNot]

Has anyone ever actually gotten in trouble over artsy, professional nude photos?

I'm not sure it's ever come up. But I can imagine what the reaction would be if, say, Hilary Clinton's college age artsy nudes were found by FOX news. (I'm not saying there are college age artsy nudes of Hilary Clinton out there, but...)

[jacobsta811]

There are college age nude photos of Hillary, and many other famous people out there who went to Ivy League Schools in the same time period - for some wacked out "posture" study.

http://www.nytimes.com/1995/01/15/magazine/the-great-ivy-league-nude-posture-photo-scandal.html

[WhyNot]

There are college age nude photos of Hillary, and many other famous people out there who went to Ivy League Schools in the same time period - for some wacked out "posture" study.

http://www.nytimes.com/1995/01/15/magazine/the-great-ivy-league-nude-posture-photo-scandal.html

Oh, right, I forgot about that! Still, that was in the name of science and medicine, not art. I can see those pictures being excused a lot more easily, since she didn't choose to do them and they're not provocative.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Being a model is a perfectly legit occupation (albeit, from what I read, often tiring and strenuous). I doubt there are many models doing only nude work, and I don't think there's much difference between both in any case, except in the more or less perverted mind of some onlookers. And there are 50 yo overweight people doing modeling, including nude.

Basically, I think you put too much importance in the "nude" aspect, by sexualizing it.


(bolding mine)

Is that a general you there, or a Skald-specific you? Because I don't see where I sexualized anything.


Also, you're a fascist pig.

Everybody knows that. It's in the FAQ.



What blows my mind the most about this scenario is the young adult coming and telling his parent they are doing nude photographs. Would kids really tell their parents such? I would just say I was doing some modeling.

Well, you can change young adult telling her parent to parent discovering some other way. I didn't bother writing (or thinking through) a detailed scenario here, obviously.

That said, my son's-sister-who-sometimes-calls-me-Pappy-though-I-don't-really-deserve-it told me when she began taking nude photos, and and I know she has some of herself up on her site. Admittedly she didn't so much tell me that as warn me of that. Which I appreciate, because frankly I don't want to see 'em. I can easily imagine someone telling her or his parents about the nature of such photos for just that reason, or because they were ambivalent about the opportunity and wanted counsel from someone they trusted. Just because I can't stand my father and would never ask his advice doesn't mean the attitude is universal.

Oh, right, I forgot about that! Still, that was in the name of science and medicine, not art. I can see those pictures being excused a lot more easily, since she didn't choose to do them and they're not provocative.

Did you look at David's pictures in the link? If so, are they what you'd call provocative?

[Anaamika]

That said, my son's-sister-who-sometimes-calls-me-Pappy-though-I-don't-really-deserve-it told me when she began taking nude photos, and and I know she has some of herself up on her site. Admittedly she didn't so much tell me that as warn me of that. Which I appreciate, because frankly I don't want to see 'em. I can easily imagine someone telling her or his parents about the nature of such photos for just that reason, or because they were ambivalent about the opportunity and wanted counsel from someone they trusted. Just because I can't stand my father and would never ask his advice doesn't mean the attitude is universal.


Yes, I have a hard time remembering that some people respect their parental unit's input. :)

I did look at David's pictures in the link, and they are artistic and some are rather beautiful. It is kind of gross that we live in a society where people have a problem with those.

[WhyNot]

Did you look at David's pictures in the link? If so, are they what you'd call provocative?
I see the "safe" ones only. Yes, they are more provocative than what I'd expect to come out of a "posture study", although I'll freely admit I haven't seen the "posture study" pictures.

And yes, I agree they're lovely, and I personally don't have a problem with them. But I personally do not make up the general public, who tend to have far more problems with nudity and sensuality than I do. And it's hard to predict where future mores on the subject will lie. My personal hypothesis is that we're at about the extreme end of the pendulum swing as it applies to public tolerance of open sexuality, and things will actually get more restrictive by the time my daughter is having children.

[Skald the Rhymer]

Yes, I have a hard time remembering that some people respect their parental unit's input. :)

I did look at David's pictures in the link, and they are artistic and some are rather beautiful. It is kind of gross that we live in a society where people have a problem with those.

Sadly I will never be god-king and thus cannot change that. On the other hand I'd outlaw donuts too, so it's probably six of one, half a dozen of the other.

[Dogzilla]

I did nude modeling back when I was in college the first time around, it was a way to make some easy money. Most difficult thing was holding a single pose, at least the studio was heated nicely.

My mom and dad had nothing to say about it, it was none of their damned business. I was over 18.

I did too and never saw any reason at all to mention it to my parents. They weren't paying for school, so wherever my money came from was not their concern.

[MrDibble]

Okay with it? Sure. Hell, I'd shoot my kid herself if she were that age.

It's just skin.

[Sternvogel]

Wouldn't a person have to be 21 years old to be an "adult" as far as consenting to nude pictures?

The U.S. edition of Playboy has openly featured Playmates who were 18 at the time their pictorials appeared. A few women under that age have reportedly "sneaked in", including Elizabeth Ann Roberts (http://www.dailyspeculations.com/marion/playboy.html), whose posing for the January 1958 issue resulted in charges being levied (and eventually dropped) against Hugh Hefner.

[Skald the Rhymer]

I'm a little confused about this part. Wouldn't a person have to be 21 years old to be an "adult" as far as consenting to nude pictures? That's my first thought but I reckon I could be wrong.

I don't see why 21 would be required. Eighteen is legally an adult, able to consent to contracts and vote.

[NinetyWt]

I get confused because it seems like 21 is the age for some things and 18 is the age for other things. That's why I asked. :)

[WhyNot]

I get confused because it seems like 21 is the age for some things and 18 is the age for other things. That's why I asked. :)

The Rites of Passage, Modern Version
16: Driver's License!
18: Registering for Selective Service ("the draft"), able to sign binding contracts, can have sex and pose for nude pictures in any state in the USA, can buy cigarettes, "Legal Adult"
21: Drinking alcohol is legal
25: Rent a car (I don't think that's by law, I think that's by rental car companies' policy, but it's pretty standard)

[Skald the Rhymer]

I get confused because it seems like 21 is the age for some things and 18 is the age for other things. That's why I asked. :)

I asked my stepdaughter; she says that in Tennessee at least it's 18.

[NinetyWt]

Thanks y'all. :)

[2gigch1]

Since as described in the OP the 'children' are adults of an age of legal independence, I would not feel comfortable 'demanding' they obey my commands.

I may exercise my ability to have a rational conversation with the child regarding their choices, both to enhance their understand of their actions and my understanding of their actions.

I am the biggest fan in the world of creating win / win situations, and making something good out of whatever life hands you, so that is what I would strive for.

And no, I did not look at the example art, partly because I am at work and partly because I believe in my argument of rational steadfastness does not hinge on the individual nature of the art described.

In the end, if my grown children would want to engage in some activity I was morally or tastefully uncomfortable with, I would have to conclude that I had already failed during the time I was raising them. At this point other than some gentle, considerate conversation, I am honor bound to let the chips fall as they may.

I had my chance years earlier to try to instill the values I hold dear. I lose.

[Living Well Is Best Revenge]

I'd be ok with it, as long as I never, ever saw the pictures.

[NinetyWt]

In the end, if my grown children would want to engage in some activity I was morally or tastefully uncomfortable with, I would have to conclude that I had already failed during the time I was raising them. At this point other than some gentle, considerate conversation, I am honor bound to let the chips fall as they may.

I had my chance years earlier to try to instill the values I hold dear. I lose.

A failure of yours? Other people have minds of their own and can choose how to conduct theirselves. If a child of yours chooses something else, it's not a failure on your part. It's their free will.

[Scubaqueen]

The OP is explicit that the person in question is a child only in the offspring sense, not the subadult sense.



Clearly the daughter or son in question does not need your signature on any release forms.


the answer is still no.

[Ann Hedonia]

I'd say not a big deal.

This was actually a situation that came up frequently in my college days.

The art department paid nude "life study" models very well. They paid $20 for a 50 minute session, this was in 1975 and the other work available for students paid about $3 an hour (to put it in perspective a student could purchase an ounce of weed for $15 at that point in time .)

I had two female friends that did this on a regular basis and neither of them was a conventional "hottie", this wasn't Playboy type stuff............one was rather plump and the other one was really skinny...............that said, one of the girls was a bit of an exhibitionist and maybe liked the gig a little too much, I think she got reprimaned once for wearing a garter belt to a session, although the students in the class dug it.

Local legitimite advertising agencies also went through the theater department at my college to procure nude models for advertising.............these were usually trade ads, I remember one for stadium seats and another for some commercial construction equipment. These were very professionally done and a university theatre department rep was present at all the shoots.

These gigs were also really high paying, a student making a couple of hundred bucks for day's work was practically unheard of and REALLY GOOD pay for the model.........this was why the college was so supportive.

So, mayybe it's my liberal 70's upbringing but I don't think it's a big deal at all.

[PandaBear77]

I would very actively and very LOUDLY oppose it whether my child was male or female.

I don't think posing nude is morally wrong per se. Sometimes nudity is art, sometimes it's just plain porn. Either one, though, could put their future career at risk, which is why it'd be a HELLZ NO.

[Skald the Rhymer]

I would very actively and very LOUDLY oppose it whether my child was male or female.

I don't think posing nude is morally wrong per se. Sometimes nudity is art, sometimes it's just plain porn. Either one, though, could put their future career at risk, which is why it'd be a HELLZ NO.

What if the child is planning to be a model in the first place?