Wedding gift dilemma.

[racer72]

My younger brother and his girlfriend ran off to Reno a few weeks ago and were married. They have lived together for about 3 years and have a 20 month old daughter together. They are both in their mid/late 40's and besides being new parents, they are also grandparents. Both make a good living and have no real needs.

Saturday I received an invitation to a celebration of this event, this will happen next month. My thinking was card alone would be sufficient but my girl friend thinks I should include something such as a gift card to a nice restaurant. I told her I would ask the opinion of those at this site to determine what I give. So I leave it up to you.

[Alice The Goon]

Technically, I don't think that you're obligated to buy wedding presents for older people who have lived together for years. In the real world, though, you'll probably look like a cold-hearted cheapskate if you don't, so I'd go ahead and give a token gift, such as your restaurant gift card.

[Cat Whisperer]

I'd give them a nice card and a gift card to a restaurant gladly, for saving me the trouble of dealing with a family wedding. :)

[ShelliBean]

Many times the wedding gift is to help the newlyweds set up house - this is obviously not the case here. And no, you aren't obligated to give one but it would be nice. You just need to give a nice little congratulation gift. The card is a nice idea - not one I'd normally give for a wedding but given the situation more appropriate than I'd have thought. I would throw in an offer to babysit with the gift card if that's possible for you. I'd imagine with a 20 month old they'd like to have a night to behave as newlyweds. Also, when in doubt I send a picture frame to weddings.

[Pai325]

I agree; a gift is not necessary. However, it's your brother, so yeah, get him something. The gift card sounds good.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Yah, you're certainly not obligated but a gift card to a restaurant seems like a very nice idea. Assuming you like these people I would go that route.

[elbows]

I vote card with restaurant gift card. Or, a coupon for babysitting, something like that.

[YogSosoth]

He's your brother so get him something nice. Restaurant seems like a good idea

[Zsofia]

I agree that a restaurant gift card strikes precisely the right note.

[NoClueBoy]

Flowers, a six pack, and condoms.

[kittenblue]

Or.....a restaurant gift card, a movie tickets gift card AND a babysitting coupon! Instant date night!

[Chessic Sense]

You should give them a gift in proportion to the extravagance of the celebratory event. If it's a keg party in the back yard, it's $20. If it's a formal dinner, it's $50. If it's basically a wedding reception, it's $100. He's having a lot of people over, I presume, so you want to defray the cost of the party.

[sugar and spice]

I don't think it has to be expensive but I would bring something just because it's a hosted party. Something you might bring if it were a anniversary party or 40th birthday, like a bottle of wine, an inscribed book, etc. A gift card would be great too.

[Tastes of Chocolate]

You should give them a gift in proportion to the extravagance of the celebratory event. If it's a keg party in the back yard, it's $20. If it's a formal dinner, it's $50. If it's basically a wedding reception, it's $100. He's having a lot of people over, I presume, so you want to defray the cost of the party.

Huh? The giving of a gift shouldn't be related to the expense of the party. The gift isn't about offsetting the cost of the event. It's all about what YOU want to give your brother and his new wife, to celebrate their marriage.

Since this isn't a young couple that needs to set up a household, that leaves you wide open as to what is an appropriate gift. What it should say is "I'm really happy for this step in your life."

[Dung Beetle]

I'd give them a nice card and a gift card to a restaurant gladly, for saving me the trouble of dealing with a family wedding. :)

I like the cut of your jib. :D

[leahcim]

Get them a gravy boat.

As far as I know gravy boats only exist to be given as wedding gifts.

[PunditLisa]

Yes, I'd get him a gift to celebrate his wedding.

[gwendee]

Are you and your girlfriend heading toward marriage? Will you have a wedding? What kind of gift might your brother give you?

Cost of gift proportional to the party? I vote no on that. Since it's your brother and not some guy you sort of know 'cause you work at the same place the gift should reflect your relationship with him, or them as a couple.

leahcim, there have been several times in my life where I've actually used a gravy boat. What exists (in this century) only to be given as a wedding gift are soup tureens. (racer72, do NOT get your brother a soup tureen!)

[The Devil's Grandmother]

When some adult/been living together for a while friends of our got married last year, we got them a gift card to BevMo. I think anybody who is a grandmother, and has a toddler, probabaly needs a cocktail more than anyone else on the planet.

[racer72]

Are you and your girlfriend heading toward marriage? Will you have a wedding? What kind of gift might your brother give you?

Cost of gift proportional to the party? I vote no on that. Since it's your brother and not some guy you sort of know 'cause you work at the same place the gift should reflect your relationship with him, or them as a couple.

leahcim, there have been several times in my life where I've actually used a gravy boat. What exists (in this century) only to be given as a wedding gift are soup tureens. (racer72, do NOT get your brother a soup tureen!)

We have discussed marriage but it won't happen any time soon. We don't need anything giftwise but a restaurant gift card would be nice. I bought my brother one today. BTW, when we do marry, if someone wanted to give us a marigold Fiesta soup tureen (http://hlcca.blogspot.com/2011/04/fiesta-soup-tureen-available-for-pre.html), we would be very happy.

[gwendee]

Ignorance fought!

[sandra_nz]

Or.....a restaurant gift card, a movie tickets gift card AND a babysitting coupon! Instant date night!

This is a lovely idea!

No, a girft isn't mandatory, but hey, it's your brother. :)

[SciFiSam]

Maybe something marriage-related would be nice, like Welsh lovespoons (http://www.welsh-lovespoons.co.uk/) or something similar that relates to your/the SIL's heritage. You can get small ones - they don't have to be displayed on a wall.

A restaurant voucher is a nice idea if they have regular babysitting and like to eat at restaurants and if it works at the restaurants they like. A voucher for somewhere generic like Amazon would be more likely to be used; they might then buy something that they would otherwise have considered too frivolous but nonetheless enjoy.