Silly game: Mangle an expression

[Zeldar]

It would be nice if the expression is relatively well known, but don't let its lack of recognizability limit you. Hell, make one up if you wish.

Example: Stupidity means never having to say "I understand."

[YogSosoth]

"Here's looking at your kid"

[Yaxche]

We used to do this all the time when I was younger, intentionally mashing up to sayings that seem to fit together, but don't actually make sense.

Example:

"Why don't you take a dirt nap off a short pier"

[Little Nemo]

Don't put off to tomorrow what you can get somebody else to do today.

[Kobal2]

Lewd lips sink ships.

[Sitnam]

Does the Pope shit in the woods?

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

[Zeldar]

A fool and his gold weigh more than just the gold.

[YogSosoth]

"Revenge is a dish best served with mashed potatoes"

[Little Nemo]

A bird in the hand is worth $2.95 in the KFC.

[Johnny Q]

If I said you had a beautiful body THEN would you bury it?

[furryman]

A stopped clock never boils.

[YogSosoth]

"Don't count your chickens. Ever."

[Peter Morris]

a watched boil never pops

[campp]

"I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous."

[campp]

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do."

[Indian]

Penis mightier than sword.

[Elendil's Heir]

Early to rise and early to bed is boring as hell.

[Toffe]

I think you might enjoy the mangled expressions of Jack Aubrey from the Aubrey-Maturin series by Patrick O'Brian, many of which are collected here (http://www.hmssurprise.org/Resources/Aubreyisms.html):

Some examples:
'But a bird in the hand is worth any amount of beating about the bush, don't you agree?'

-'... they have chosen their cake, and must lie in it.'
-'You mean, they cannot have their bed and eat it.'
-'No, no, it is not quite that, neither. I mean – I wish you would not confuse my mind, Stephen.'

"beating two birds with one bush"

"a bird in the hand waits for no man"

[Johnny Q]

Houseguests are like fish: Delicious with lemon and butter.

[furryman]

I have the heart of a ten year old. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
same

[divemaster]

The early worm gets eaten by the bird.

[Frank Drebin]Ah, the foot's on the other hand, now![/Frank Drebin]

And one that I use all the time: "I had to make sure to dot all my T's and cross all my I's"

[Elendil's Heir]

You've got a good face for radio.

I'd walk a mile for a cameo.

A fool and his money are just who I want to meet.

I don't have a dog in that flight.

Neither a borrower nor a lender bean.

[Xema]

"No sooner said, the better!"

"It's not rocket surgery."

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

a watched boil never popsReally? I grew up, got married, and had a kid just so someday, when I see my teenager looking dolefully in the mirror at a zit, I can say this to her.

[jsgoddess]

One that I always say, inadvertently:

"Well, that threw a monkey in the wrench!"

[Stowed Bob]

Better bedevil the known than to divide those yet to know.

[Elendil's Heir]

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy (attrib. to Dorothy Parker).

Let's burn that bridge when we cross it.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you.

[Nars Glinley]

From my beloved high school math teacher: "Let's kill two rocks with one bird."

[Alka Seltzer]

"It's better to have loved and lost than to have watched reality TV."

[Zeldar]

"It's better to have loved and lost than to have watched reality TV."

Oh, wow! I really love this one! It's a big improvement over my heretofore version: "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all."

One I like but it's not original: "He who lies down with dogs will wake up with fleas."

[robardin]

I often say, "Let's burn that bridge when we get to it".

[Dave Hartwick]

Birds of a feather wear the same clothes.

Familiarity breeds little familiars.

A bird in the bush is better than a badger in your pants.

G-U-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, dyslexic!

You'll get my arms when you pry them off my cold, dead, hands.

Sex is like pizza: when it's good, it's really good; when it's bad you get the wrong topping.

[Elendil's Heir]

I disagree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to be an idiot.

Guns don't kill people; the bullets that come out of them do.

A waste is a terrible thing to mind.

Give me your tired, your sick, your poor, and I'll never forgive you.

A penny saved is still only worth 1/100th of a dollar, so fuck it.

[furryman]

Death Rays don't kill people. Mad Scientists with Death Rays kill people.

[Wargamer]

Early to bed, you'll miss out on a lot of killer late parties.