older women,younger men

[vanillanice]

I have always liked younger men.When I was 21 ,I actually like a guy who was 15.No,I never touched him.Now, someone in their 20's seems nice.(I am 40).Is this universally unusual?I know MaryKay is an exception.That is just too weird! :( Any guys on here,how would you feel if an older woman like you?I've always been curious. Also,there is a trend(in Hollywood?) for the much older male,younger female.Witness Tony Randall!I know Desmond Morris says this is much more common,as men want women who can procreate! :) Anyone?

[Sunspace]

To me, an attractive woman is attractive, no matter what her age.

But then I tend to be attracted to women who are their own persons, and who don't need to hide themselves behind trendy superficial fashion facades.

I have met women I found attractive, one of whom was fifteen years older than me (and fantastic!), and another of whom was fifteen years younger than me (and also fantastic). Unfortunately, there was no oppurtunity to follow these relationships...

I found that the major problem with a relationship containing greatly differing ages (greater than ten years) is the reactions of others.

In general, though, I have no problem with the idea of a relationship with a woman older than me. I suspect emotional maturity, friendliness, competence, and general compatibility are more important to me than the number of kilometres on our clocks... :)

(Thinking back to high school, when an age difference of one year was an insurmountable barrier...)

[E1skeptic]

You are 40? Wow! You certainly don't look 40. I'm 40, I should know.

Back to the OP, let me tell you, a lot of young guys are attracted to older women, especially if they grew up around older people. Young girls are a little too insipid sometimes for some men. But on the long run... I'm not so sure.

I was married to a woman three and a half years older than me, and it didn't work.

Regarding women being attracted towards younger guys, well, I dunno... I've met a few, and it has never worked.

Good luck anyway, I guess my chances with you are now lost forever... :(

kidding!

[divemaster]

I have been in two serious relationships; in both cases the woman was older.

My ex (who turned out to be Evil Incarnate) was 9 years older than me. The age difference itself didn't matter to me. She was my first, and thus I think my naivete caused me to have blinders as to her true vile nature.

My current honey, actually my fiancee, is almost 6 years older than me, but again, no matter. I don't have a "thing" for older women, it just turned out that way by chance.

[DougC]

- - - I think the saddest thing about older men and younger women is that (statistically speaking) the situation will often lead to lonely widows for the last part of life. Granted, there's lots of other stuff that can happen to either along the way, but, , , - MC

[Montfort]

Just my personal experience here:

Right now, I'm 26, my girlfriend is almost 33, and I'm not freaking out about that at all. In my somewhat-lurid past, I've dated in some capacity twice now women more than *10* years my senior. Both times were a few years ago, when I was 22-23 or so. One of them even had two daughters, 8 and 5 years old.

I don't know what the connection is. I suppose I like "grown up" women and the majority I've dated around my age have seemed rather immature. I dunno. The older certainly know what to do, though. ;P

Shouldn't this be in MPSIMS, anyway?

[handy]

Easy for me. My father was about 17 years older than my mother. Thus, it's easy for me to date younger women.

Take a look at your background, bet youll find the answer.

[Montfort]

Well, Handy, it's not that simple. My father was about three months older than my mother. I can't think of any of my (immediate) ancestors and family members where the woman was older by the man.

The only logic I can place here is that my mom was the oldest child in her family. So much so that her sister was only 12 or 13 years older than me, and always was more of an older sister than aunt to me.

But, I stand by my original post. I think it's a maturity thing.

Well, I like having cultural references in common, so when you diverge by more than 7 years or so . . . When I was in my mid-30s I dated a 20-year-old. ONCE. I felt like I was out with Bart Simpson. Besides, had I transported him over state lines, I coulda been in for 10-15 years.

[Lucky]

For a lustful roll in the hay, I'll take a 25 year old. Hell, I'll take two. But when it comes to serious relationships, I like men, not boys. I suppose a very mature younger man might....no, I take that back. I like older men.

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"I think it would be a great idea" Mohandas Ghandi's answer when asked what he thought of Western civilization

[Cheese Head]

Reminds me of two films: "The Graduate" and "In Praise of Older Women". I liked them both.

[johnh/metalgod]

I've attempted to date at least 5 women who were older than me (by a few months or by as much as 5 years) IT NEVER WORKED BY A LONG SHOT! To tell you the truth, none of them gave even lame excuses. They all just faded away and didn't even say goodbye ;-(

[Manda JO]

I think that if you habitually date/find yourself attracted to people that are much younger than yourself (15+ years)you need to explore your motives. I am not making a blanket statement here, but I think that in some cases the desire to date signifigantly younger people stems from the need to date some one you can control completly. When you are forty years old it is very easy to manipulate a twenty year old (or at least many twenty year olds) They wear their hearts on their sleeves, and are frequently totally inexperienced. This leaves them more or less defenseless to the machinations of an older partner. Hell, at this point many people's personalities are like putty, and you can mold your young lover to be whatever you want. This is very flattering and enjoyable. But it is not right.

I repeat, I am not making a blanket statement here--I think that in some cases relationships involving people of very different ages can be quite healthy. When that happens, however, I think that it is in spite of the age difference, not because of it. And if you are attracted specifically to the age group someone is in, not the individual, I think you need to explore the possibility that at least part of the attraction is knowing that you will be the one in firm control. On a side note, I don't think that gender makes any difference at all in these situations (older man and younger woman vs. older woman and younger man).

[tanstaafl]

Just as a data point, I once dated a woman who was 11 years older than me. It went fairly well for awhile before we drifted apart. (Interestingly, she eventually married someone younger than me.)

I also dated a woman who was 12 years younger than me.(This was many years after the first.) That one didn't last too long; it was like dating someone from another planet. (We had nothing in common.)

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"You can't run away forever; but there's nothing wrong with getting a good head start." --- Jim Steinman

Dennis Matheson --- Dennis@mountaindiver.com
Hike, Dive, Ski, Climb --- www.mountaindiver.com (http://www.mountaindiver.com)

[Persephone]

When I was 18, I dated a man who was 37. He was a great guy, and we had a good relationship. But the life experience thing finally caused us to end the relationship. I was a weirded out girl/woman, and he was a relaxed, mellow hippie. Although the romantic relationship failed, the friendship did not. We're still friends, and it's been 12 years since we split up.

The men I've dated (& married) since then have been much, much closer to my own age. My husband is 6 years older than me. I've dated younger men, though, and gotten a mixed bag. If they were only 1-2 years younger, we got along fine. Much more than that, forget it. We're on completely different planets.

[timmar68]

My past 4 boyfriends have been, on average, 6-8 years younger than I am (I'm 31). Each one ended for different reasons, but the last one sticks out in my mind the most. There was actually a generation gap. I couldn't get past that...stuff he thought was fun was immature to me, and we didn't have the same tastes, nor did we have a lot in common.

On the same token, the others were more mature. It depends on the person. When I first was dating them, I had a hang-up about the age differences but everyone told me it shouldn't matter. And I agree. I have a friend who is dating a man about 20 years older than she is. She's very happy with him.

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MaryAnn
Sometimes life is so great you just gotta muss up your hair and quack like a duck!

[NanoByte]

Optimally I'd date women in their 20s. At 68, that's sort of out of the question. Although asked twice, I never married.

My mother was 4 yr older than my father, who was rather immature at the time of his marriage, though 24. I was first-born soon thereafter. My younger brother, quite immature at 20, married, at that age, a woman of 24. They divorced when their kids were teenagers. He then hung around girls far too young. My sister, 10 yr younger than I, married a man, I guess about 4 yr older, raised 2 kids and is still married. While my mother and father were good for each other and generally good parents, I think switched ages would've been much better for the male offspring. My parents remained happily married until the death of my mother at age 93.

Ray

[StStella]

I have always been attracted to older men. I just seem to have more in common intellectually with older than younger men. My husband is 8 years older and we've been married for 6 years (I'm 30 and he's 38).

A year ago a younger man had quite a crush on me. He though I was his age though (24). It was fun to flirt, but I just couldn't take him seriously. He seemed like such a little boy. I can't imagine being with a younger man (more than 2 years or so), they are on average very immature compared to women of the same age. This is just a personal opinion.

[DougC]

- - - Regarding motives: I seem to recall a few years back that a poll was done by the Japanese gov't, to try to find out why younger women had started marrying older men en masse. Short answer: the women wanted a man with an established career and the material wealth that usually accompanies it. - MC

[handy]

I'd date a woman any age, up to the point of where the law is concerned. Most of the women attracted to me are around 20, for some reason.

If they are young, I would ask their folks or at least meet them. Most of their folks are a just a little older than I & kinda pissy at first but eventually see that Im just a nice & respectable guy & their isn't anything to be concerned about.

I'm training myself a new interpreter, who's 17 & they make nice girlfriends. She couldn't make it last night to terp for me, called & said,' I can't come tonight, Im on restriction because I stayed out too late the other night.' :-)

[tracer]

Almost all of my girlfriends have been older than me.

When I was 21, I had my first (ahem) experience with a 23-year-old. When I was 23, I went steady with a 26-year-old. When I was 25, I got involved with a 34-year-old. At 27, I got involved with another 34-year-old. At 29, I was going out with a 38-year-old hermaphrodite, followed by a 41-year-old hermaphrodite (don't ask). At 31, I had my most recent relationship, a 3-month affair with a spry young cutie who was only 51 years old. I'm now 34.

I've had brief (very brief) trysts with younger women, including a drop-dead-gorgeous 27-year-old bassoonist I got to have one incredible date with 4 days before I turned 29, but older damsels are the rule rather than the exception with me.

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Visit the Internet Stellar Database at www.stellar-database.com (http://www.stellar-database.com)

[Whammo]

I am in such a relationship now... I am 27 and my girlfriend will soon be 32, five years difference. Originaly this was more of a big deal for her then it was for me. In the past she had only been with men who were much older then her.. me... I have prefered (but never dated) women older then me. We first met on the Internet in a chat room, hence, we got to know each other without ages first... a big plus. Eventually (after months of Phone talk and flights back and forth) I moved to where she was... that was just over a year and a half ago. If eventually we go our seperate ways I know that age had nothing to do with it.

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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot. And although I never forgot it, I never quite memorized it either. So what I'm left with is the memory of having learned
something very wise that I can't quite remember. -George Carlin

[TheIncredibleHolg]

A bassoonist, tracer?

< insert obvious salacious remark here >

[Bluepony]

After my second marraige, I was dating a 45-year old woman. I was 37 at the time, so I didn't think too much of it. She was more apprehensive about it, at first. I would think after you reach your 30s, you should be emotionally mature enough that age differences should not matter. We could converse on just about any topics with a good degree of familiarity and interest. Her career and mine took us to different areas in the country, so too went the relationship. However, I had nothing but pleasant memories of that time.

My current wife is 13 years younger than me. That was not by design, rather by chance. Both my ex-wives were nearly the same age as I was, so there is really no guarantee in happiness by sharing a common age. I don't know how hung up people are on the age factor in a relationship. Sometimes it should be considered, but it has to be a case-by-case thing.

Of course there are some speed bumps in an age difference of 13 years, in my example. Having been born in 1971, she has very little knowledge of those crappy TV shows in the 70s. I had to explain to her as we watched a Hawaii Five-O rerun, the entire cast of characters and the story line/history of McGarrett and Company. She watched with great interest, reminding me of old TV episodes where Spock studied an alien culture.

She's very emotionally mature for her 27 years, and I'm 40 now, currently going on 25 as far as maturity level goes. It's a pretty good combination.




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"...send lawyers, guns, and money..."

Warren Zevon

[handy]

There are some general rules of thumb.

Women under 30 yield.IE Give the guy what he wants because he wants it.

Women over 30 are versed in something called 'self sacrifice.' In which they 'give of themselves,' which is kind of nice.

[Geenius]

In The Autobiography of Malcolm X, it is revealed that a wife's age should be half her husband's plus 7.

Obviously the mathematics of this relationship break down fairly quickly, but I guess that's why Islam allows polygamy.

[cody]

I have read that, in general, men prefer women on average 3 years younger than them and that women, on average, prefer their male mates to be 4 years older than them. I think the book where I read this is called THE ANTHROPOLOGY OF SEX.

[Danny]

So no one can EVER be happy!

[NanoByte]

What is maturity good for? It's no fun, is it?

Ray

[Sycorax]

Supposedly, it's better for the woman to be older since women (statistically) outlive men. I've dated an older man only twice in my life. Younger men seem to go for me (my age? let's just say over 40); 5 years ago I was seeing a 29-year-old. He told me he preferred older women because they're not fickle and flighty and know what they want. He wasn't marriage material however; my current one is 9 years younger. (P.S. - I've found the sex to be better with the younger ones; although about 10 years ago, I was seeing a 22-year-old and he was, uh, well, too quick, if you get my drift. )

[Sycorax]

To all you men, of all ages, out there: I'm sorry. The p.s. in my first reply above -- after thinking about it, I realize it's a gross generalization, and I don't want to offend you guys. I just meant, of my experiences, the younger ones were better at sex, but I've only had two older guys, and none my own age, so it was kind of a dumbass comment. Sorry guys.

[Boris B]

Hey, Sycorax. It didn't sound like a nasty over-generalization to me. All you said was you'd found the younger ones to be too quick - who can disagree with that? Your experience is your experience.

I always thought the differential could be a good thing too. Having it the other way around can leave lot of widows. I know someone who is a sprightly 50-year-old - her husband is a Parkinsonian 70-year-old. She'll probably outlive him by 30 years. They're a nice couple, and I admire their courage in standing up to Parkinson's, but sometimes I feel as sad for her as I do for him.

[Boris B]

Damn, my post didn't make a lot of sense. First, I meant that an AGE differential (older woman) could be a good thing, given different life expectancies. Second, I re-read your post, and it sounds like you were worried you had offended the older guys, not the younger guys. Either way, I'm not offended. Real men can take it. Huh! Need me to take out the garbage, missy?

[Stoid]

Works for me: I deflowered the cutest little Mormon boy when he was 17 and I was 31. It was delicious.

I'm now 41, and engaged to a man who is 26. We've been together nearly 5 years. It started as a "let me show you the way, young man.." thing, and we realized within the first year that no matter how whacked out it was, we were in love.

I tease him now about something he said to me the first morning after we'd been together, as he was leaving: "You know, I can't really think of you as my girlfriend...." No, just his wife!



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I am #1. Everyone else is #2 or lower.

[vanillanice]

Stoidela,you go girl!(it was snarkberry was it? ;)

[Stoid]

Vanil:

Nah. But I learned alot about Mormons from him. And I was reminded, since I already knew, how religion can really make people sick. The poor kid was so twisted up in his head about his sexuality it was sad. He's still a mess.

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I am #1. Everyone else is #2 or lower.

[Sycorax]

Take out the garbage??? Hey, if you're under
50, willing to do housework and cook, I'll support you (oh, and the sex has to be good
of course!)

[tracer]

TheIncredibleHolg wrote:

A bassoonist, tracer?
&lt; insert obvious salacious remark here &gt;

Unfortunately, I was the only one out of the two of us to blow on the other's bocal. ;)

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Visit the Internet Stellar Database at www.stellar-database.com (http://www.stellar-database.com)

[DougC]

Works for me: I deflowered the cutest little Mormon boy when he was 17 and I was 31. It was delicious. I'm now 41, and engaged to a man who is 26. - Stoidela
- - - Why do you think you are attracted to people so much younger than yourself? I ask because for various reasons I basically stopped dating when I was in my early 20's, and I find that I automatically look at girls in that age group even though I'm now ten years older. Women my age all seem so tired. I don't really know what they expect, never having had any experience with them. And I don't know what they'd want me around for. My problem right now is that I am past the point where the average 20-yr-old girl is comfortable spending time with me. - MC

[Sycorax]

Well MC, one has to wonder why YOU are attracted to 20-year-old's. If you're around 30, you mean women around that age all seem "tired"??? Don't know where you're looking, but older women these days are much more active, intellectual, ambitious, etc., etc. - maybe you're hanging out in too many bars.
As for why WE (older women) are attracted to younger men - well, speaking only for myself, I'm still attracted physically, but I don't go looking for them as dates or as potential life partners (i.e., marriage material). I haven't excluded any age group; my experience has been that the men who are attracted to me are either too young or too old. And by "old" I don't necessarily mean age-wise. I'd date/marry a 60-year-old man if we were compatible - physical, intellectual, interests, etc. If you're having trouble meeting women your own age, your worrying about it too much and looking too hard. Get involved in stuff that interests you, get out in the world, and eventually you'll meet the right one.

[DougC]

- - - I haven't ever dated anyone from my work, and I very rarely talk about my personal life. Only one female works third shift; the only time I am around any more is between 10 and 11 PM, and among 40 or so female employees, no more than eight or ten are there on any one night. So any have the chance to approach me, but the few that will engage me in conversation are married, and the ones that aren't don't seem interested at all -or if they are, they express it by not speaking or making eye contact with me. Plus, there's a fairly regular amount of employee turnover, and the younger ones tend to be friskier. It doesn't seem like they're really looking to score (dear Lord, I hope they weren't really trying), just that having a bit of fun helps break the tension of everyone not wanting to be there. I don't want a 20-year-old; I want someone who acts twenty.
- - - I don't look for dates or life partners either; I just find myself goofing around with younger women almost all of the time. Sometimes they start it, sometimes I do, but I just don't get the same attitude with older women. It seems like there's a layer of seriousness present - as if their stakes seem higher, their cause nobler than mine. And I don't know exactly what I want - I sure don't walk around with a shirt on that says "marry me and let's have kids", but I don't want to be picking out silverware on the second date, either. It's as if there's some kind of scorecard they judge me by, and I never know what I did lousy in. - MC

[DougC]

- - - And it's a minor point, but I very rarely go to bars. I don't like drinking or cigarette smoke (making bars lousy hunting grounds for me), and so I find most bars to be fairly boring places. -And they overcharge for soda. Which I don't understand, because I don't connect sitting on a stool for hours with soda consumption, but what do I know? Someday I will go into one and they will charge me extra for not smoking. - MC

[Sycorax]

Okay - if you get along better with the young ones - great - why not. I thought you were saying you're looking for serious romance with a 20-something. Have you tried to get to know some of the older ones? Maybe you're intimidated by them and give off bad vibes and they sense it. Just because someone comes off as serious doesn't mean they can't loosen up when you get to know them.

[Manda JO]

I can't help but think that if a man were to boast about deflowering the cuteist little seventeen year old girl and hoe it was "delicious", we would all be up in arms. I think we tend to think that men are more less vunrable to being emotionally scarred by this sort of thing, but I'm not sure that's true.

[TheIncredibleHolg]

Thanks, Manda J0!

[vanillanice]

Actually,I don't want to be in control,to me,we're both equal. My last boyfriend was 21,I was 34.Yes, I was more mature than him,but it's not like he played candyland!We broke up,but not for that reason. When I was 25,I went out with a 37 year old who is the most immature guy ever! Age doesn't matter THAT much,but it does some.

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Information is the key to survival-Abbie Hoffman.