US Gripped in "Left Behind" Epidemic

[Jester]

Today, a nation weeps. Or, at least, it should, if it knows what's good for it.

I'm visiting relatives in VA for the weekend, to do some college visiting, but we didn't have anything on the agenda for today. So, we took a trip out to the mall, and visited the local "Books a Million" store. Hey, don't yell at me, I didn't name it.

Anyway, upon entering the newest of mega-hyper-needlessly-large corporate book giants, I laid eyes on the biggest atrocity since the New Coke.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of the main aisle, between the "Children's" and "Sexuality" sections (Hey, don't yell at me, I didn't design it), was a table, nay, and altar of left behind books. Featuring a big cardboard sign stating that I had reached the "Left Behind Station", this monstrosity bore dozens of copies of every Left Behind book ever made. Joining the literary mistakes known as the LB series was a stack of copies of Left Behind movies. Everything was flouted in the face of decency by technicolor banners and fancy computer designs meant to portray the anguish that one goes through while reading the Left Behind series.

I practically broke down in tears right there. But, being the sado-masochist that I am, I ventured up to the table, and even managed to pick up one of the videos without being burned too badly. Upon reading, I was somewhat amused to discover that the plot summary mentions nothing about the Rapture: only that people start randomly dissapearing. In fact, the packaging was modeled more like a sequal to "Dune" than a movie with heavy, if crappily-delivered, religious overtones. My relief vanished, however, when I realized that this meant that some unsuspecting sci-fi fan might be suckered into actually buying this crap, taking it home, and exposing themselves and their loved ones to this crap.

Truly, the virus is spreading. What's next? LB Video Games? Prime Time sitcoms about the Revelation? Rapture Breakfast Cereal (Now with more Bad Acting!tm)?

I feel dirty just from being partially exposed. I can't help but think what this means for the future.

[Jester]

Wow. That kind of sucks. The title was supposed to read "US Gripped in Left Behind Epidemic", just so you know. Not really sure how that happened.

[BF]

OK, I'll bite (or call me confused), but what is Left Behind? Wacky religious tomes, or what? Freaky Sci-Fi? Please help the ignorant.

[wring]

if you use the 'preview' option, anything you had in the thread title inside quotation marks disappears (much like the Rapture, I believe) or so I've heard.

E-mail a mod for the forum and they can help fix the thread title for you, so it reads more than "US" if you want.

On the OP, I guess I've led a very sheltered life, I've never heard of the LB stuff except for here.

[MEBuckner]

BF:

The Left Behind books (and movies) have been kicked around in a number of threads. A few of the more notable ones:

I broke down and started reading the Left Behind series (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=52232)

The "Left Behind" movie - a priceless Dopefest opportunity? (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=58347)

A Movie That Might Change Your Life . . . (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=58276) and its sequel (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=60568).

[pepperlandgirl]

wring, you are one of the lucky ones.

[Eutychus]

Originally posted by Jester
Wow. That kind of sucks. The title was supposed to read "US Gripped in Left Behind Epidemic", just so you know. Not really sure how that happened.

Gotcha covered.

[Ayesha]

Well the books sell. If they didn't they would be on the discount table at the grocery store.

I have read all the books, plan to read the next book. They stay fairly true to what many churches teach about the *catching up* or *rapture* of the church as is written about in (Revised Standard Version) 1 Thessalonians 4:16 - For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the archangel's call, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first;
17 - then we who are alive, who are left, shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air; and so we shall always be with the Lord.
18 - Therefore comfort one another with these words.

I have not seen the movie at this point, but I may sometime in the future. I doubt anyone will be "tricked" into reading more than a few pages, once they figure out what is going on they will either take the book back for a refund or maybe be intrigued by it and keep reading. But I don't think anyone will be harmed by reading the books, either you will believe or you won't, it is still a free choice that each person makes for themselves.

[Krispy Original]

A far as a pit rant goes, the OP scores lowly.

Bone up on sarcasm and mockery and get back with me...

[Jester]

Originally posted by Krispy Original
A far as a pit rant goes, the OP scores lowly.

Bone up on sarcasm and mockery and get back with me...

Nuts. Well, as a more or less inexperienced ranter, save one about Eminem and the grammies, I'm still getting the hang of things. Thanks for the feedback, and I'll get back to you when I get the proverbial clue.

[BF]

Aaahh. Clued in. Well, since KO commented on it, and this is the pit... Fargin' bastiges!!! Sheet! guh-dam, get off your ass and jam, I say, Sheet!, guh-dam...
Sorry, got carried away...

[SPOOFE]

What's next? LB Video Games? Prime Time sitcoms about the Revelation? Rapture Breakfast Cereal (Now with more Bad Acting!tm)?

[Mel Brooks]

"Left Behind, the breakfast cereal! Left Behind, the toilet paper!! Left Behind, the flamethrower!"

[/Mel Brooks]

[Guinastasia]

They already have the toilet paper-whatta ya think the books are?

[Slithy Tove]

Tonight on "You Asked For It," a poster named Krispy Original requested a Pit-worthy rant on the Left Behind.

If, during the Rapture, the LB's get taken up to heaven bodily, does that include the contents of their lower intestines? What about the LB's who would be in the process of evacuating their bowels during the Rapture? Are they allowed to quick pinch it off, or do they go to greet their savior with their pants around their ankles and a stool protruding?

If you ask a devout Christian this question, they assume your're being insulting (an I am, but only partly). The physical logistics of this isn't adequately answered, and addressed not at all by a devotee who assumes it to be no more than a rude question.

If the LB were all to drop dead with their souls in Gods' care, I'd accept that scenario. But it's the Assumption of the Flesh that bugs me. What if an LB and I ate the same undercooked pork and got eyeworms, or If I were to shake hands with an LB right before the Rapture and transfer bateria. Why do the germs I contracted have to suffer for my sins, but those on the LB get a ticket to Heaven?

But that's too (a) complicated and (b) offensively challenging for you Saved simpletons. I understand, though: life in general was too complicated and offensively challenging in the first place, thus your silly, smug belief in fairy tales like the Rapture.

This will go way over your LB heads, but aren't the vast majority of you LB Protestant - meaning you believe that the just will live by faith - not by relics such as scraps of the Baby Jesus's diaper or splinters of the true cross? But with this "full-body rapture" you are turning yourselves into holy relics - superior to the dust of Genesis that was good enough for all the rightous souls before you to inhabit. This is no less self-idolitry than the sinners you shun who live only for the pleasures of their flesh.

"Warning - In case of Rapture driver will disappear." What really scares me is that you're allowed to drive and vote and sit on juries during the time you're down here!

[Mac Guffin]

Not to poop on a wonderful rant, but the "Left Behinds" are the people who dont get the express lift to the big Guy upstairs.

Just wanted to point that out.

[Slithy Tove]

I know - sorry for not making that clear. I meant "LB" as in "believe in the concept of LB" Sort of like "Homosexual Damnation" means not the gays but rather those who believe in its doctrine.

[gobear]

Well, one good thing I can say about the LB phenomenon is that the books have weaned millions of slack-jawed yokels away from watching tractor pulls on ESPN and Jan Crouch, the demented Pomeranian lady on TBN and has actually got them reading books. Not very good books, admittedly, but starting a Fundie on the road to literacy can only be a good thing. Next thing you know, the Fundies will start going to libraries and bookstores and be exposed to opposing points of view contained in other books. They might actually start reading Stephen Jay Gould instead of quoting him out of context to support creationism. Of course, the more likely upshot is that the Fundies will demand that books on science be burned, but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

[Heloise]

Ouch. And ouch. And ouch again. Some of you are making generalized potshots that are just... mean. I'm Christian, I like the LB series and I can't imagine anything that I have done anything to you as a Christian or a LB reader that would deserve some of these comments!

[gobear]

Now,now. nobody here is picking on Heloise, who I'm sure is a lovely person. Nobody here is picking on Christianity. The
LB series richly deserves to be teased because, well, they're not very good books, and still they are being devoured by the thumpheaded masses who up til now have never read anything more complex than TV Guide. It's a shame, really, that the LB series is so badly written because the basic premise of the Revelation of John being fulfilled could be a really exciting series of books in the hands of a skillful SF writer.

What I find annoying about the Christians who read these books is that they a)forget this is fiction and think that Rayford, Hattie, Chaim, and Nicolae Carpathia really exist, and, more seriously, the Christians focus on eschatology and totally ignore their daily Christian duty. I have met any number of Christians who talk about the devil and the LB series and the imminence of the Rapture, but they do not practice charity or kindness in their daily lives. I see no point in getting het up over possible future events, while disobeying God in the here and now.

Really, I see no difference between God and Satan in the LB books. LaHay and Jenkins don't show that that God is good or loving, just that He is powerful. Really, the Tribulation Force and the Global Community are just two opposing sides fighting over territory.

If the books are meant to be entertaining fiction, they fail . If they are meant to evangelize the heathen, they fail on that count, also.

[SuaSponte]

I was visiting several friends this weekend, and I discovered our host (a rather rabid atheist) had the LB series on his bookshelf. A few thoughts that arose out of the conversation:

1. In disagreement with you, goboy, if you changed the name of Satan to S.P.E.C.T.R.E. and God to "M", some of the books would make halfway decent Bond short stories;

2. As for the Rapture itself, I realized that I, as a NYC lawyer who doesn't own a car and never watches television news, it would be days before I noticed anything had happened. :)

Sua

[Guinastasia]

Sometimes bad literature can be so bad, it's good.
Like V.C. Andrews books-NOT the original ones, which were very dark and mysterious and thrilling, but the ones where the ghostwriter took over. Yeah, they're predictable and trite and sappy now, but they're fun reading. Beach reads, so to speak.

[ITR champion]

Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly
What's next? LB Video Games? Prime Time sitcoms about the Revelation? Rapture Breakfast Cereal (Now with more Bad Acting!tm)?

[Mel Brooks]

"Left Behind, the breakfast cereal! Left Behind, the toilet paper!! Left Behind, the flamethrower!"

[/Mel Brooks]
What I don't understand is why they didn't offset the film's disasterous box office performance through product placements, think about the possibilities. Good Christians are all drinking pepsi when they get raptured, Ford cars are suddenly out of control, people vanish from a Delta Airliner, etc...

[ITR champion]

I just realised that this is a good opportunity to post the following messages from the messageboard at the movie's official site:

Rocketman2Junior Member posted 02-15-2001 11:28 AM Ohhh, the theaters here in town make me so upset. They are so freaking Indengent. I called up to ask if they had any plans to carry "<u>Left Behind</U>" the movie. And they claim they never heard of it. I tell them that it stars Kirk Cammron and Chelsie Noble and is based on New York times best selling book "<u>Left Behind</U>" and they still claim they never heard of it and that its not on their list of available movies.IP: Logged

misterbobthetomatoMember posted 02-16-2001 08:51 AM quote: Originally posted by Chakotay:I can't believe a theater manager had never heard of Left Behind. That's sad . I hope you enlightened the person in a nice way. Actually, don't be so surprised by this...My Aunt is a Sunday School teacher in a huge United Church of Christ (a protestant church for those who don't recognize the name) AND is also an Elementary/Middle School English teacher...she hadn't heard of the books either. She's even a member of the New York Times "Bestsellers" Book Club. amazing what kind of blinders Satan can put on people who aren't getting the "whole truth!" ------------------Psalm 33:3IP: Logged

That's right, people. Every true Christian on the planet has heard of "Left Behind", and anybody who hasn't heard of it is under the influence of Satan. Also, despite the fact that it's a lousy movie that was a dismal flop, every theatre in existence should have shown it, and anybody who didn't show it is lying to you.

But it has Kirk Cameron and Chelsie Noble (who the hell are these people anyway?), so it has to be good.

[Protesilaus]

Originally posted by ITR champion
But it has Kirk Cameron and Chelsie Noble (who the hell are these people anyway?), so it has to be good.

He's (http://us.imdb.com/Name?Cameron,+Kirk+(I)) best known for playing Mike Seaver on Growing Pains, and she's (http://us.imdb.com/Name?Noble,+Chelsea) best known for, well, playing Mike Seaver's girlfriend on Growing Pains, I guess.

Only the best for Cloud Ten Pictures. :rolleyes:

[SkeptiJess]

by goboy: Well, one good thing I can say about the LB phenomenon is that the books have weaned millions of slack-jawed yokels away from watching tractor pulls on ESPN and Jan Crouch, the demented Pomeranian lady on TBN and has actually got them reading books. Not very good books, admittedly, but starting a Fundie on the road to literacy can only be a good thing...
goboy, my darlin' -- you're an optimist. I worked at a bookstore last year and many of the biggest Left Behind fans proudly admitted to reading only Christian books. Several (at least three that I can think of offhand) told me that they hadn't read anything other than the bible for years before becoming hooked on Left Behind. I don't recall any Left Behind customers ever coming in and saying, "Gee, I enjoyed these books so much, can you recommend something else?" This is in contrast to, say, the Harry Potter books. We got several people in every week looking for something to hold brand-new readers until the next Harry book is released.

Personally, I haven't read any of the books yet, so I won't comment on their quality. However, they certainly don't seem to be "leading souls to reading." Unfortunately.

Jess (who bought a used copy of Left Behind at a garage sale on the way home from her most recent DopeFest and who will soon be ready, willing and able to comment upon the quality of the book)

[vanilla]

Krispy Original said:
"Bone up on sarcasm and mockery and get back with me">

Oh yes, Mr. Original Requires that we [b/improve[/b] our OP's.
Lets ALL work harder to help his "enjoyment" of this board...
(how was that for sarcasm Kris?)

[BiblioCat]

Originally posted by Guinastasia
Yeah, they're predictable and trite and sappy now, but they're fun reading. Beach reads, so to speak.
'zactly. Sometimes you need a quick and easy read.
Great literature, they ain't.
But I read them. They're okay, but you need to remember that they are the author's fictionalized interpretation of events that may happen sometime in the future.

And as Jess pointed out, I don't think these books are leading any fundies to other types of books. The rabid Bible-only-reading fundies aren't suddenly discovering there is a world of books for their reading pleasure. The ones who like to read are sticking with Christian fiction. The others are sticking with their Jack Chick tracts.


Jester asked:
What's next? ... Prime Time sitcoms about the Revelation?
I have heard that a prime-time drama on PAX-TV is in the works for this fall.

[Lauralee]

I don't recall any Left Behind customers ever coming in and saying, "Gee, I enjoyed these books so much, can you recommend something else?"Well, personally, I've always been able to pick out my own books. It's a talent that comes in handy when the people who work at your local bookstore are too "busy" to be of any help.

And not all Christians are raving Left Behind fans. This thread (http://thebruces.stormbirds.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=2961) at the Pizza Parlor as proof.

[Lil Lurker]

I know I am going to regret this BUT--

I read the LB books faithfully. I saw the movie (and didn't like it at all.) Not only that, but I buy the hardback books the day they come out and finish them before I turn the light out that night.

I know it is fiction. I get very engrossed in them. But I also read other things the same way. I read Amy Tan's books as soon as they come out too. But then again, Amy Tan probably doesn't make anyone question whether or not he or she is living the right way so there are no "Amy Tan novels are taking over the earth" threads.

Funny thing about free choice-- most bookstores do not have armed people who will force you to examine a table full of any type of media. For example, I do not enjoy comic books or graphic novels or whatever they are called and wouldn't waste my time looking at any kind of display of them. I might add that I also wouldn't start a thread making fun of people who did like them. Oh well.

He is risen. He is risen indeed. (LB reference there....deal with it)

[jab1]

Originally posted by wring
On the OP, I guess I've led a very sheltered life, I've never heard of the LB stuff except for here. I've seen them in Greyhound Bus station gift shops.

They're also in the Los Angeles Public Library (I just searched their catalog.) So it is possible to read one without giving money to the writers and publishers.

[Guinastasia]

Originally posted by Protesilaus
Originally posted by ITR champion
But it has Kirk Cameron and Chelsie Noble (who the hell are these people anyway?), so it has to be good.

He's (http://us.imdb.com/Name?Cameron,+Kirk+(I)) best known for playing Mike Seaver on Growing Pains, and she's (http://us.imdb.com/Name?Noble,+Chelsea) best known for, well, playing Mike Seaver's girlfriend on Growing Pains, I guess.

Only the best for Cloud Ten Pictures. :rolleyes:


Not only that-they're like Michael J. Fox and Tracey Pollen-they're married.

[Miller]

Frankly, Lil Lurker , I doubt that the LB books are making anyone "question the way they live their lives," except perhaps to make them ask, "Why am I wasting my time on crap like this?" Seems that people who like them are already believers, and people who aren't believers are using them as alternative fuel sources. Also, try to remember that "people who don't like what I like" doesn't equal "people who don't like me." They're just books. Don't take it personally.

[amarinth]

Originally posted by Lil Lurker
He is risen. He is risen indeed. (LB reference there....deal with it)

Since when is that an LB reference? (Instead of, well, just a generic greeting and response used in the church at large and especially on Easter?)

[Guinastasia]

It is especially used in the Eastern Rite Churches. "Christ is Risen!" the first person will say, as an Easter greeting. The next person responds saying, "He is Indeed Risen!"

The daughters of Tsar Nicholas II, when they were separated briefly being transported between prisons (Maria went with her parents, Olga, Tatiana and Anastasia stayed behind with their brother Alexei), greeted each other like this in a letter.

Deal with THAT.

[ubermensch]

my apologies if someone mentioned this before...

anyway, i work at a bookstore. what do i see this morning when i walked it? an email from my district manager announcing the street dates (as of last week) of the next 4 LB books.

10/30/01--desecration
06/04/02--armageddon
06/03/03--left standing
06/01/04--glorious appearing

so...only a little more than 3 years till it's over...
unless the writers eat it before then...but the next 4 novels are probably written already...

[Lil Lurker]

Oy Vey

Actually, Nimune, I don't give a rip who likes the books and who doesn't. I like 'em and I am glad to see them everywhere, including the best-seller lists. I did take issue with the joking around about what will happen to us when the rapture occurs, but I expect that around here.

And thanks for the history lesson, Guinastasia. I knew that the expression "He is risen, he is risen indeed" is not an exclusive LB reference. But those who have read all the books know what I meant by it. No big deal tho.