My friend desperately needs help

[TokyoBayer]

He's gotten into trouble for a rookie mistake, and feels that the punishment is far in excess of his offense. He says that it falls under the cruel and unusual amendment, and is less than amused by my response that while it may be cruel, the punishment is unfortunately far too usual.

Nor did he appreciate my advice, which was was to purchase an SUV and hope that it contributes to the climate change, so that hell will freeze over quicker, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Background information is always appropriate. He's in is mid 30s, an American attorney would just recently repatriated to the States with his new wife, a professional in her late 20s. "Tony" had gotten a great offer from a firm in social media, so she quit her job and they relocated. He's lived here for five or six years, and they thought it would be a great chance for them to live in the States for a while become coming back at some point.

Like many, if not most Japanese women, especially those in Tokyo, "Chie" had lived with her parents until they were married, although she would stay with Tony over the weekends.

Shortly after settling into their new quarters, Chie discovered that she's pregnant, and while it was sooner than what they had expected, they are both thrilled. So, they purchased a nice, but not too large house and Chie has enjoyed decorating the house and learning all the domestic things that her mother has always done and never passed along.

Funny that no one would think twice that Tony's mother had never taught him anything either, which was without a doubt the greater loss since his mother's culinary skills are, by his account, unrivaled.

So we have a recently married, first time pregnant Chie trying to learn to cook for the first time ever, in a new, unfamiliar environment; with ingredients she's never previously encountered, and competing with memories of the best of the best.

Now for the mistake. After one of her less than stellar experiments, Tony lets an uncensored thought slip out. To a woman in her first trimester. Who has morning sickness. All day long.

"You don't really have a sense for food."

So he's asking me when he can expect to have sex again.

[runner pat]

I predict they will have an only child. :D

[CrazyCatLady]

Oy. See, when women bitch about how guys just don't think, this is the sort of thing we're talking about.

When my parents married, Mom could cook, but she'd never learned how to make some of the down-home things Daddy had grown up eating like biscuits and gravy, and his explanations of the processes involved were...less than detailed. She still laughs about the gravy you could stand a spoon up in, but nobody laughs about the biscuits. Nobody. Not even after 40 years. I don't know if her biscuits were good, bad, or indifferent, but a couple years in Daddy casually mentioned at the table that for the effort involved, he'd really just as soon have the canned ones. There was not another home made biscuit in our house for 14 years.

[glee]

Does that dress make you look fat?
...
No, you are fat. :smack:

[Sunspace]

I'm sorry, I can offer no advice with respect to relationships (that's kind of like asking a tundra-dweller about the best way to grow bananas), but I'm just slightly relieved that your friend isn't homeless or in severe debt or in a major car accident or something.

TP, I think you'd get along well with my friend David the Real-Estate Punster. :)

[Blackberry]

Doesn't seem like a big deal to me. A little insensitive, but nothing to freak out over.

[KinkiNipponTourist]

You have my condolences on the loss of your friend. When Chie is released after her justifiable homicide case is heard/dismissed, I'm sure she'll make a wonderful cook.

RIP Tony.

[needscoffee]

He's got to make dinner for her for a week.

[Hello Again]

Oy. See, when women bitch about how guys just don't think, this is the sort of thing we're talking about.
.
The fact is, some people are just dopes. My best friend was 6 months pregnant, glowing with health and still running a horse farm and riding program (so, incredibly physically fit).

her MIL gets off the plane and says
...

Gee you got fat.
Cue stunned silence.

When she told me this story I literally could not believe my ears, and I've said some boneheaded shit in my day. NO rational person could think my friend looked "fat" with her toned, athletic physique. She looked pregnant because ...she was pregnant.

Anyway, Tony, it was nice knowing ya, I hope you have a goodly stack of take-out menus, because I have this funny feeling a certain pregnant, expatriate, constantly nauseous wife might be on strike from now on!

[cochrane]

I'm sorry, I can offer no advice with respect to relationships (that's kind of like asking a tundra-dweller about the best way to grow bananas), but I'm just slightly relieved that your friend isn't homeless or in severe debt or in a major car accident or something.

TP, I think you'd get along well with my friend David the Real-Estate Punster. :)

I thought Paul was the Real-Estate Punster, and Davy was in the Navy. :D

[raspberry hunter]

He's got to make dinner for her for a week.

I concur.

[Nawth Chucka]

Any chance he can plead poor translation of a compliment?

[TokyoBayer]

Any chance he can plead poor translation of a compliment?Actually, it was worse in Japanese.

[RandMcnally]

That ended better than expected!

Up until about half-way through the OP I was waiting to read about how she was secretly married to someone in Japan and it was all a scam. Once she got to the States she left him with all her debt to run off with her boyfriend who was already here and he met her in a bar, or something.

[ArrMatey!]

He's got to make dinner for her for a week.

I'd disagree. This just makes her feel like she really can't cook.

I'd suggest he make dinner -with- her. The two both get to learn how to do it, she doesn't feel like her efforts are in vain, and it's a little more bonding time between the two of them.

[raspberry hunter]

I'd disagree. This just makes her feel like she really can't cook.

Well, that would be the case if he turned out perfect gourmet meals from the start, but... I have the feeling that isn't going to happen.

If she weren't first trimester morning sickness, I'd agree that it would be fun to make meals together, but when I was going through morning sickness I really didn't want to bond over food.

[TokyoBayer]

You have my condolences on the loss of your friend. When Chie is released after her justifiable homicide case is heard/dismissed, I'm sure she'll make a wonderful cook.:D

Well, that would be the case if he turned out perfect gourmet meals from the start, but... I have the feeling that isn't going to happen.

If she weren't first trimester morning sickness, I'd agree that it would be fun to make meals together, but when I was going through morning sickness I really didn't want to bond over food.That's really the point, that Tony can't cook either, and was expecting every woman to be a Martha Stewart. From Day One. He is kind of old fashion, and tends to stereotypes men and women a bit more than most people of his generation.

When I told my wife, she said Tony got lucky he was married to a Japanese and not a Taiwanese. There would be no evidence remaining.

Come to think of it, he's lucky he's gotten as much as he has . . .

[carnut]

He can apologize by taking a cooking class and then take over the cooking.

[Nawth Chucka]

Actually, it was worse in Japanese.
He's doomed. She's going to tell that story for the next 60 years at every family gathering.

[Yllaria]

He's got to make dinner for her for a week.

He needs to make dinner for a week and do it badly. He should be really embarassed about how badly it turned out and how much he doesn't know. Then he needs to appologize for having spoken without knowing what he was talking about.

Ideally.

[robert_columbia]

...
Like many, if not most Japanese women...So we have a recently married, first time pregnant Chie trying to learn to cook for the first time ever, in a new, unfamiliar environment; with ingredients she's never previously encountered, and competing with memories of the best of the best....

Congratulations, Tony just married an anime heroine <3. Just let him know to keep heavy blunt objects out of her reach ^_^.

Does she have pigtails?

[Lynn Bodoni]

Actually, it was worse in Japanese. I'm not sure it's possible for it to be worse.

Does he still have his balls attached? If he does, I'd say that he got off lightly. And he shouldn't expect to have sex (with her, at any rate) for about another year and a half. I sure as hell didn't feel like having sex when I was pregnant, or for a while after I was pregnant, and I hadn't been mortally insulted by my husband.

[I_Know_Nothing]

So he's asking me when he can expect to have sex again.


Tell him, after a heartfelt apology, why not tonight?

[Miller]

The fact is, some people are just dopes. My best friend was 6 months pregnant, glowing with health and still running a horse farm and riding program (so, incredibly physically fit).

her MIL gets off the plane and says
...

Gee you got fat.
Cue stunned silence.

When she told me this story I literally could not believe my ears, and I've said some boneheaded shit in my day. NO rational person could think my friend looked "fat" with her toned, athletic physique. She looked pregnant because ...she was pregnant.

That's a different stereotype, though. When a husband says something like that, it's because Guys Are Dumb. When a MIL says something like that, it's because Mothers-In-Law Are Evil.

[Nava]

He needs to make dinner for a week and do it badly. He should be really embarassed about how badly it turned out and how much he doesn't know. Then he needs to appologize for having spoken without knowing what he was talking about.

Ideally.

The "doing it badly" part shouldn't be difficult at all, what I don't know is whether he'll be able to learn from it.



When they got married, Middlebro could cook (nothing fancy, but it was good and healthy as far as student meals go) and his wife couldn't, since her mother is one of those women who can't tolerate the presence of other people in their kitchens. He bought her a cookbook that explained everything: it even explains how to crack an egg properly!

Your friend needs one like that, TP, but for himself so he can learn to cook, not to give to her. If he gives it to her now, she'll be justified in turning him into chile con carne.

[Snake Plissken]

I'd be suprised if there werent a married man on the planet that hasnt been in a similar situation. If an idiot like me can be married for 27 years, I think Tony has the smarts to smooth things over.