Introducing BOLD NEW ZESTY Tripler!

[Tripler]

Alright,

What the hell is up with everything? Everytime I go to the grocery store, I can't buy just *plain* stuff anymore. It's all BOLD and APRIL FRESH or EXTRA STRENGTH or something.

Like, what happened to just plain regular "Tide". I just want some freakin' laundry detergent. I ran out of socks. I just want some clean socks. None of this MOUNTAIN FRESH crap. It's not like the chicks are bending down in the bar to smell my feet or anything. . .


Tripler
And yes, I am Zesty thank you . . .

[UncleBeer]

Makes ya wanna run over to the corner tavern and swill a couple a Old-Fashioneds, doesn't it?

Ingredients:

2 oz Blended whiskey
1 cube Sugar
1 dash Bitters
1 slice Lemon
1 Cherry
1 slice Orange

Mixing instructions:

Combine the sugar cube, bitters, and 1 tsp. water in an old-fashioned glass.
Muddle well, add blended whiskey, and stir.
Add a twist of lemon peel and ice cubes.
Add slices of orange and lemon and top with the cherry. Serve with a swizzle stick.

[UncleBill]

Originally posted by Tripler
It's not like the chicks are bending down in the bar to smell my feet or anything. . .

Trip, my man, you hang out at the wrong bars, dude.

Oh yeah. Minot. Sorry. Very sorry.

[Ukulele Ike]

Tastes better if you cut back on the sugar (I always use less than 1/4 of a teaspoon), substitute Bourbon for the blended whiskey, use Peychaud bitters rather than Angostura, and limit the fruit intake to just the lemon peel.

Hmph...I seem to be following UncleBeer around and saying things to needle him. Could it be the weather? The pollen count? Is Jupiter aligned with Mars?

[Queen Isabella]

*Goes into stupid mode*

Zesty! Zesty!
Zesty times two!
Zesty, party of two!
Uno, dos, zesty!
Hey Zesty! Hold on a second. Zesty!

It's fun to be stupid.

[FairyChatMom]

mmmmmmm - I always wanted me a zesty young thing... or is it that I always wanted to BE a zesty young thing??

Be that as it may, Tripler, how can you possibly improve upon the perfection that is you???



No, I am not drinking. Well, water, but that's all...

[dragonlady]

Rats!
I was secretly rather fond of the "original Tripler".



And I even know where Minot is!

[Doobieous]

Originally posted by Tripler

Tripler
And yes, I am Zesty thank you . . .


Mmm Trip, can you prove this? I think we need ourselves a taste test contest.


:D

[Hamadryad]

Queen Isabella:
It's fun to be stupid.

I like you.

Tripler:
You may be zesty, but you are not, as I am, magically delicious.

[Falcon]

Originally posted by Doobieous
Mmm Trip, can you prove this? I think we need ourselves a taste test contest.


:D

Hey, can I get in on that? ;)

[trose]

Gee, Trip, I thought you were gonna tell us you were on the program. (http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=65298)

[Snooooopy]

Eventually, people will tire of the BOLD NEW ZESTY Tripler and begin to clamor for Classic Tripler.

[SwimmingRiddles]

I was once told that I was fruity. Now, if I were a man, I'd assume this meant that I was effeminate. But I'm a chick. So I didn't know how to respond.

New Fruity Swiddles!

[Tripler]

Perfection? Moi?!? Methinks not. . .

Ladies and Gentlemen, fear not. There will always be Original Tripler. And after the initial success with Bold Zesty Tripler and a handful of Guinesses at the local pub last night I am proud to announce . . .

Bold Rasperry Tripler


So now on the market is New Fruity Swiddles, Magically Delicious Hamadryad, Original, Zesty, and Raspberry Tripler. Should we look at a "Sampler Pack"?

Tripler
See what drinking in Minot does? It makes you weird. . .

[Bluesman]

I'm pretty sure that I'd have to say that I now have 33% more FREE!

I've changed my packaging, too, but the market survey hasn't revealed any change in consumer's buying habits.

For a limited time, like when Lucretia won't find out, you can get a free sample by just sending in a coupon with your name, phone number, full-length nude picture and a round-trip airline ticket from Baltimore to your city. Some restrictions apply.* Limited time offer (like, until she gets suspicious).


TRY SOME ORIGINAL BLUESMAN TODAY!




*You gotta be a female, and a hottie.

[Simetra]

Mmmm... Bold Raspberry Tripler. Gonna have to try that.

I wonder if they're gonna make a Tripler Light. You know, "All the Tripler, half the fat."? ;)

[andygirl]

What I wanna know is if Tripler is going to come out with a line of products for the ladies.





if that's not a set up, I don't know what is.

[Hamadryad]

andygirl: What, doesn't Magically Delicious Hamadryad at least HALF count?

[Tripler]

Originally posted by andygirl
What I wanna know is if Tripler is going to come out with a line of products for the ladies.


Funny you should mention that. I hopped on-line for the express intent of telling all the ladies about the new line. Strange coincidence!


And now one for the lovely ladies . . .

Introducing New HOT & SPICY Tripler! "Just one taste will put you in heat!!"



Tripler
Set and spike. :D

[Falcon]

So where do I place an order, hmmm? ;)

[andygirl]

Originally posted by Hamadryad
andygirl: What, doesn't Magically Delicious Hamadryad at least HALF count?

I think of you as your own fabulous entity, m'dear.

Now tell me more about this magic.

[Doobieous]

Originally posted by Tripler


And now one for the lovely ladies . . .

Introducing New HOT & SPICY Tripler! "Just one taste will put you in heat!!"


Tripler, you keep talking like this and well.... :)

So with the new Bold Raspberry Tripler, are you saying you are indeed fruity? Or would that have to be Fruit Cocktail Tripler?

[Kat]

I'm holding out for Milk Chocolate Tripler.

[Tripler]

Originally posted by Doobieous
So with the new Bold Raspberry Tripler, are you saying you are indeed fruity? Or would that have to be Fruit Cocktail Tripler?

No, that'd have to be Fruity Cocktail Mixer Tripler. We're still working on the non-alcohol phase first.


Tripler

[Geobabe]

Originally posted by Bluesman
I'm pretty sure that I'd have to say that I now have 33% more FREE!

I've changed my packaging, too, but the market survey hasn't revealed any change in consumer's buying habits.

For a limited time, like when Lucretia won't find out, you can get a free sample by just sending in a coupon with your name, phone number, full-length nude picture and a round-trip airline ticket from Baltimore to your city. Some restrictions apply.* Limited time offer (like, until she gets suspicious).


TRY SOME ORIGINAL BLUESMAN TODAY!




*You gotta be a female, and a hottie. Ooh, here indeed is a toughie. On the one hand, Bluesman is one fine piece of man-meat. On the other hand, I really like Lucretia, plus I fear she could do some real damage were she to become upset. Hmmm...what to do, what to do...

[Watermelon Man]

Now you guys got me thinking hard!

My general manager of marketing affairs was suggesting we go into some kind of product variation...and put new versions of me into the market: Blueberry Man, Pumpkin Man, Gren Apple Man, Sourcherry Man etc...

Tripler, can I make a market research on your example to see if it works??

[Tripler]

Originally posted by Watermelon Man
Tripler, can I make a market research on your example to see if it works??

Sure! While you are at it, give out little coupons for $3 off when they buy two bottles. And think up something I can do with rebates. I've always loved rebates. . .


Tripler
I now have clean socks.

[Jekeira]

How about this: whenever you buy any Tripler-brand product, you can peel off some identifying feature and collect them, and if you get a certain number, or a certain combination, you can send away for prizes. Tripler t-shirts, bumper stickers, ball caps, leather jackets, tattoos, neckties, stained-glass windows.

So people will buy more Tripler, in order to emblazon their bodies and homes with advertisements for Tripler.

And of course, since no purchase is necessary, there has to be some sort of option (in incredibly tiny print) that allows you to get TriplerStamps by typing your name and address with a Smith Corona manual typewriter in green ink on exactly one-third of a 3x5 card, and send this with a SASE to some obscure address in the midwest (Minot should work nicely) in order to collect stamps in the mail.


As for me, I'm all about "The Joy of Jekeira." Like it? I also come in Jekeira Free, with a little touch of lemon.

[Tripler]

Buy Bold Zesty Tripler and win a trip with Tripler!!

That’s right! By purchasing a bottle of Bold Zesty Tripler you are automatically entered into the contest! Prizes are as follows.

Grand Prize: A three day – two night vacation to scenic Seacaucus, NJ, accompanied by your favorite dislocated Doper! Imagine the beautiful sights of the Empire State building and World Trade center gracing the skyline, with a scenic look at the Pulaski Skyway and NJ Turnpike in front. Marvel at the Meadowlands as flocks of pigeons and seagulls graze away. All the exciting nightlife and tourist spots you can hit are yours on this wonderful vacation!

First Prize: A signed Tripler hockey jersey, worn by the not-so-legendary player himself!

Second Prize: A Tripler Tee! An extra-large and extra comfy white cotton T-Shirt boldly emblazoned with the Tripler (TM) logo

Third Prize: A Tripler Cover! A big comfy beach hat, ready for party action on the distant shores of New Jersey!

Fourth Prize: A free bottle of Classic Tripler! Now 50% bigger and 100% original!

Contest Rules:

For complete contest rules, please send a SASE to:

TripCo
Middle of Nowhere
PO Box 666
Minot ND, 58701

Actual odds of winning vary dependent on the number of Dopers playing, and number of beer provided to Tripler. To claim a prize, send winning ticket, via certified mail to the above address along with signed affidavit certifying eligibility and that you are a female hottie, two NJ Devils tickets, four filet mignons marinated in Worcestershire sauce, two Canadian geese, and a midget named “Bob”. Contest entries cannot be returned, and neither can “Bob”. This contest is void in pretty much any combat zone, any third world country lead by any leader named “Zeke”, and in Pago Pago, except on the third day of the ninth month, during a blue moon. TripCo is not responsible for any damages incurred while using Original, Bold Zesty, or Bold Raspberry Tripler. Tripler and it’s parent company TripCo cannot be held liable for any intentional misuse of Tripler, and any use inconsistent with labeling is a violation of Federal Law. Please use Tripler responsibly, because only you can prevent forest fires.


Tripler
Please use me responsibly.

[BunnyGirl]

Please use me responsibly.
So, what you're saying is that you want to be used, right?

[Falcon]

I had the EXACT same thought, Bunny.

Followed quickly by: "He wants a midget named Bob? Why?" Then I realized....I really didn't want to know. :) (Nights getting long up there in North Dakota, Trip?) ;)