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Ad Noctum
04-03-2001, 08:23 PM
Lawyers and Judges of the Straight-dope....

if you know not of my current family situation, let me relay this to you. It all started with my neighbor and ym mom. he fucked my mom (both married at the time) and they lied about all of it. she moved out, NASTY divorce ensued, and divorce was just final a week ago or something.
he was my best friend ever, we hunted, fished, and camped together. Bastard thought of me as a son figure, i think he just took it too far. (just a LITTLE too far). they've been having a little thing for a couple of years now. so I dunno, I just found out about it in December or something
it's one thing to be sat down and told all of this BEFORE it happens, it's another to be betrayed by your mother and best friend, lied to, and then told you won't have a choice who to live with.
Today, I came back to a nearly-empty house with almost everything gone. the lamps, the living-room TV, all of the excess furniture, and all of the wall decorations were stripped from the property by my mother.
she's got nearly-full custody of me, and that is something I don't want. I honestly cannot stand her, or my neighbor (who, I think is gonna be living with her), and that will pose a problem when it comes straight down to it that I have to live with them.
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I want to fight for independent custody in court. she has betrayed me, my Love, and my trust for the last time, and given the current situation I believe I may be able to win.

the only thing I cannot handle is the impending cost if I do this.

there really isn't a question, but I want advice please. Thank you in Advance-- Adam Brown, Age 15
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Ad Noctum; who is stuck between a rock and a hardplace

tiggeril
04-03-2001, 11:21 PM
No comment, as I am neither a lawyer nor a judge.

Just wanted to give this a *bump* before it falls off the page.

Godspeed, Ad.

pesch
04-03-2001, 11:53 PM
Well . . . since you asked.

It sounds like your world was rocked, and in ways that are going to have repercussions for a number of years to come. You're hurting now -- no surprise there -- but you're wisely considering your alternatives.

I'm afraid I can't offer any magic solutions, and even these suggestions may not help any. It seems like you may need two things: someone to vent to safely about this, and a plan for getting out of the house as soon as you're legally able to. Oh, and a way of dealing with the situation in the meantime.

Legally disowning your mother is not something I'm qualified to talk about, except to note that will definitely sever any final ties for good, and land you a starring role on the next Jerry Springer, neither of which I would suggest you want. Your mother's still your mother for all that, and while that doesn't mean you can pretend everything's just fine, nor should you, but there may be a chance, after you get older and her situation shakes out, that you two could sit down when passions have cooled and you may get to hear the story from her side (life lesson #1: everybody has a perfectly good reason to do whatever shameful asinine act that pops into their mind. Everybody.)

OK, so with that aside, and assuming you've got someone to vent to, what about your future? If you really need to get out of the house asap, there's the military. If you can gut it out at home for two years and graduate, a stop in the military will get you out of the house and a host of new experiences to occupy yourself with.

In the meantime, as for relations between you and your mother, well, when I was growing up, I was rarely at home, and when I was, I stayed much in my room, coming out for meals and for chores. Perhaps you can figure out how to do the same, even if it means staying in the library and reading every book there (or writing something of your own, sounds like you have the makings of a great first novel here). If you're not in the same room with your mother, there won't be the opportunity for nasty words to be exchanged. Consider brushing up on a more sophisticated form of the sullen teen-age shrug when she asks you why you're not staying at home much any more (The adult form goes something something like, "Oh, gee, I'm sorry. I've been so busy with (project A) and (project B) that I haven't had time to stop and think! But we'll get together soon, I'm sure." And then you don't.)

And while you are uncomfortably stuck in the middle of this, it may be worthwhile to remember that it has nothing to do with you, and that you still have your life and your needs to consider. Focus on that, and try to let your mother work on hers.

pesch