why when I pee does it spray like a fire hose

[Whammo]

some times when I pee it comes out like a car wash wand or a fire hose and nothing i do can stop it from happening... so while most of the pee goes in the toilet... some goes on the edge and over... HOW CAN I PREVENT THIS?? i yell at it but it doesnt work... any suggestions from the men in the group??

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"Boy, wouldja get a load of the cloaca on that one"? -Cecil Adams, october 8 1999

[BenDover]

Take your finger off of the end.

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Its not junk - its a collection!

[ThufferinThuccotash]

Uh, B, have you had unprotected sex lately? Gonorrhea; it's the gift that keeps on giving!

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TT

"Believe those who seek the truth.
Doubt those who find it." --Andre Gide

[AuraSeer]

Easy answer, B: just sit down.

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Laugh hard; it's a long way to the bank.

[Imthecowgodmoo]

Take a few steps back, then let'r rip. In fact, while you're at it, see how far back you can get from the pisser, I never could go more than a couple feet. Maybe with your super piss, you could get a yard or two away!

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"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."-- Calvin and Hobbes
(__)
`\/-------\
`| |-----| |\
..c.c......c.c....

[Satan]

It's a rare disease called Trollus Urinarius.

I hope it's a fatal case...

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Yer pal,
Satan

[NanoByte]

Doesn't the SD have a janitor? Hey, you're wanted in the rest room at GQ. Wear your highest hip boots.

[NanoByte]

. . .and tell these kids 'PC' does not stand for 'pissing contest'.

[WIGGUM]

I once saw a guy piss over a VW Bug. I mean this guy actually cleared it with his stream. You know this guy's using the handicapped stall to get far enough away from the terlit.


"Hermit's don't have peer pressure."
-Steven Wright

[kellibelli]

Gotta ask...If you dont hold it firmly with both hands, does it flail around and swing back to piss in your face?

[Whammo]

no... I dont mean pressure wise... that would be a DUMB question.. I mean like a fan spray.. not a stream but a pretty, if irritating, fan of pee that goes in many directions.

[SoxFan59]

Of course, if the original poster is female, this conversation takes on a whole new dimension.

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SoxFan59
"Its fiction, but all the facts are true!"

[BurnMeUp]

Are you, perhaps, using the "thereputic massage" attachment on the tip?

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Just add water, it makes it's own sauce!

[Mr Thin Skin]

This happens to me occasionally. You have some adhesion at the end of your urethra. What can cause that- Sticky stuff on your glans penis. Got a blow job lately (w/ altoids)? Had sex and went right to sleep? Beat off and didn't clean up? Painted you dick with water-soluble paint? I guess it could also come from inside (cowper's gland??, etc.). Do you wear edible underwear?

Does it happen only in the morning, or at anytime of the day without warning.

You may wish to inspect you organ before use. My experience is that mine looks sealed up.

Now, if this happens too often for your liking, well you know, you may need to consult you-know-who. It just might be a STD.

[Momotaro]

We could make a whole new thread about thing we didn't want to know....:-/

[handy]

That's it. It's usually foreign matter that clogs it up.

So pee in the bathtub, much bigger target.

[Mr Thin Skin]

Ok, I've come up with a procedure you may follow that should prevent this from happening.

Before you urinate (at home or work), wash yourself with Dr. Bronner's castille (sp?) soap. It's gentle and won't burn you. After that, use a small piece of fish-tank tubing and blow a tiny amount of air in your urethra to expand it. You should enlist the help of another to hold to base of you penis as to not blow air into your nether-regions. Don't worry about the strange looks you may get from the other men, they will know what you're doing. Urinate normally. After that, as a propylactic against future adhesion, apply some vasoline to you penis and rub it in a little bit. Follow my advice and you will have no problems.

[Mr Thin Skin]

Oh shit, there's an easier way.

In the morning, apply a liberal dose of vaseline to the head of your penis. Cover it up with a condom. When you have to urinate at work, just strip of the condom with the vaseline off and urinate normally. Throw the condom away in the paper waste can as it may clog the toilet.

[Buck Naked]

Fire Hose, come on now dont you mean more like Garden hose...anyways

I too have had this problem...just pull your eurethra apart slightly before pissing and you should be fine...

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I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

[Cap'n Crude]

Kellibelli --

I can't speak for the rest of the men here, but for me the grip is dependent on the current level of erection. A gentle thumb-and-index grip will prevent the "fire-hose effect" when I'm completely flaccid -- Junior is very small when he's sleeping. At half-mast or so, a finger on top of the shaft keeps it properly aimed. When there's a serious erection going on, firm downward pressure at two points is required, and some real concentration is needed to hit the target and keep from peeing all over A) the outside of the bowl B) the floor C) my face and hand -- it really bites if you lose your grip.

I hope that helps you understand the plumbing, Kelli. Thanks for the opportunity to talk to a woman about my penis. Let me know if you ever want to practice writing in the snow with me. :-)

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--Da Cap'n

[kellibelli]

I was actually being sarcastic in the last post, but thanks for the info...it has been my personal experience than men find it difficult if not impossible to pee with a raging hard on, or with a woman holding it.

And I have written my name in the snow. ;)

[Buck Naked]

Kelli- I have heard just about every woman, that I have known well enough to talk about this type of thing with, say that, about pissing with a raging hardon...I have never experienced this problem...often peeing straight up in the air if i didnt push it down...are any of you other men abkle to piss stright up in the air?

[Buck Naked]

Kelli- I have heard just about every woman, that I have known well enough to talk about this type of thing with, say that, about pissing with a raging hardon...I have never experienced this problem...often peeing straight up in the air if i didnt push it down...are any of you other men abkle to piss stright up in the air?

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I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

[Buck Naked]

hmm...hmm

i posted twice

i posted twice

ooops

ooops

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I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

[Cap'n Crude]

"Difficult if not impossible?" Well, that's actually supposed to be that way....

The mechanism for causing and maintaining an erection includes the swelling of a muscle that is supposed to prevent urination. The purpose is obvious -- Kelli, I doubt you'd want to be in the throes of passion with some guy and suddenly receive a "power douche." It's not impossible to get around this, but it requires a lot of effort. I could pee straight up in the air (if I wanted to), but it doesn't just happen -- I have to force it. Same with peeing any other way when I've got a major stiffy.

As far as doing it with a woman holding it? I've never tried, but I expect I'd be all engorged and tingly in such a case, so it wouldn't be any different. If, by some evil miracle, a woman could hold my penis without it getting erect, I don't see why I couldn't get the flow started.


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--Da Cap'n

[kellibelli]

Grrrrr-ooooooss!

I see where you get the 'crude ' to go with the capt.

And I meant men get a 'shy bladder' when held.

[Cap'n Crude]

Ahhhh, I see you liked my coinage of the term "power douche," then? Thanks -- we aims ta please. ;->

Re: shy bladder -- never experienced that, myself. Then again, nobody's ever tried to help me urinate either.

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--Da Cap'n

[Sue Duhnym]

I had a friend who has his penis pierced and he peed just like that.

Granted, the ring went through his urethra.

People, there may be a problem here.

A bad one.

Think kidney stones.

Small kidney stones in the urinary tract can cause partial blockage.

See your doctor, no matter what the cause!

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Attention C#3!The inside of your musty head is a exercise wheel;
in which two gerbils, Vanity and Credulity by
name, tussle fruitlessly over the walnut that
represents your banal & pointless existance.

People, there may be a problem here.

A bad one.

Think kidney stones.

Small kidney stones in the urinary tract can cause partial blockage.

See your doctor, no matter what the cause!

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Attention C#3!The inside of your musty head is a exercise wheel;
in which two gerbils, Vanity and Credulity by
name, tussle fruitlessly over the walnut that
represents your banal & pointless existance.

[BoBettie]

Mr Thin Skin said:
This happens to me occasionally. You have some adhesion at the end of your urethra. What can cause that- Sticky stuff on your glans penis. Got a blow job lately (w/ altoids)? Had sex and went right to sleep? Beat off and didn't clean up? Painted you dick with water-soluble paint? I guess it could also come from inside (cowper's gland??, etc.). Do you wear edible underwear?

Man, talk about way more then we needed to know...so, how often DO you wear those edible undies? This thread almost make the "menstrual cups" thread look tame. (almost)

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Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
http://www.angelfire.com/ny3/zettecity/index.html

[Ringo]

Go see your doc. Sounds like D&C time (yes, Ladies, it happens over here on the "outie" side, too).

[sunbear]

I had a friend with two urethra. He did pee kind of funny.I never found out if he got it fixed.

[psycat90]

...when you rub the firemans's helmet, he sprays his hose...

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so you found a girl who thinks really deep thoughts. what's so amazing about really deep thoughts? Tori Amos

[handy]

a fire hose is cool. Wish I could shoot water that far.

I also wish fathers would take a minute to teach their sons how to pee right.

[Sealemon88]

Pissing with a hard on is fairly easy.

Just assume the three-point stance: Both feet planted firmly, one hand propped on the wall over the toilet. Bow at the waist and let 'er rip.

Even easier....Go outside and piss on a tree or something.

I do believe this is my first post to GQ. What an appropriate topic!

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You say "cheesy" like that's a BAD thing.

[ChiefScott]

Hey sunbear --

Was his motto "Piss twice, shake once?"

[handy]

Male equipment, most, like mine anyway, is designed so you can't pee when you have a hard on. That way you don't let her rip inside the girl.

[Nickrz]

This thread has reached its level of incompetency. Let's move on folks, nothing left to see here..
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Nickrz
GQ Mod