Can you trust your girlfriend's guyfriends?

[raverxhouston]

I've learned over the past few years not to trust any of my girlfriend's guyfriends. Especially when your girlfriend has a lot of them. People tell me, "You should trust your girlfriend and you have nothing to worry about." I agree, but the problem isn't with the girl, it's with the guys. All I know is all my buddies(guys), wouldn't mind having sex with their buddies' girlfriends. In general, most guys have one thing one their mind. SEX! SEX! SEX! So would you trust your own girlfriend to go clubbing, getting drunk, with a couple of her GUY friends?

[Chas.E]

"No woman is faithful, as long as there's a man or dog in the room."
-Aleister Crowley

[GingerOfTheNorth]

Well Aleister Crowley (ugh) aside, I know that I personally have never slept with any of my guy friends.

Really what it boils down to is how well you trust your girlfriend. There are those of us out there that are actually faithful.

Ginger

[iampunha]

When I had a girlfriend I trusted her male and female friends (she's bi). Completely, in fact. I knew her, and I knew her well enough to know she wouldn't associate with people who aren't healthy and respectful of her.

All this, and she was about two days' drive from me or so. She could have had an affair and never told me about it (but she didn't:)).

I miss being with her.

[andygirl]

I've always trusted my girlfriend around her male friends.

[Geek Mecha]

All I know is all my buddies(guys), wouldn't mind having sex with their buddies' girlfriends.
If this is the case, then shouldn't guys be watching their own guy friends rather than their girlfriend's guy friends?

[Container20]

No.

I found this out several times.

[Pammipoo]

The last time this was an issue between me and my boyfriend, I ended up sleeping with my guy friend. It was weird though, because we'd been friends for years before, and nothing had ever happened with us. My boy got jealous, and within a week, I was hooking up with my friend. We broke up, and haven't talked since. I don't know if this means anything or not, because I'm twisted like that, but that's just my personal experience.

[CnoteChris]

Originally posted by raverxhouston
People tell me, "You should trust your girlfriend and you have nothing to worry about." I agree, but the problem isn't with the girl, it's with the guys.

Sorry, I strongly disagree. If the girl decides to act on her curiousity with her guy friends, then there wasn't much of a relationship between the two of you to begin with. That, or the relationship you thought you once had is gone and should be forgotten. Go out a find a woman you can trust.

I mean, come on, you're making it sound like the woman here has no say in this at all, like she can't make a rational decision to save her life.

Get real. Regardless of whether you're a man or woman, or who is doing the pursuing or not, it still takes two people to do the dead. The "blame", as you call it, should be spread equally, between all involved and regardless of the sex or circumstances.

Unless, of course, you don't believe in free will.

[CnoteChris]

Umm, Ooops.

That should read deed, not dead. I wasn't trying to cast aspersions on your girlfriend.

[handy]

......Not if I'm the guy.

[AHunter3]

So would you trust your own girlfriend to go clubbing, getting drunk, with a couple of her GUY friends?

I suppose so, although clubbing and getting drunk isn't generally her style. But if she said she was going to do so, I would trust her to follow through on it.

OK, seriously, I think you are really asking whether or not I'd worry that she is having sex with her guy friends. Look, wouldn't you be a lot happier if you stopped worrying about that altogether? Why should you care one way or the other? I mean, if she wants to, you'd rather she didn't anyway? And you think this is an expression of what, exactly?

I mean, if you're the one she wants to come home to, it must be for a reason. If you like her, maybe you should think again about the proprietary "If you have sex with me you can't have sex with other guys any more" attitude.

[ignatzmouse]

"No woman is faithful, as long as there's a man or dog in the room."
-Aleister Crowley


Well, yeah...If you're Aleister Crowley.

[Container20]

You cannot possibly imagine how much it enrages me to find that a girl, over a tiff with her boyfriend, has gone out and laid some guy friend of hers!! Just for spite. I don't do that (with a female friend, of course) but it's been done to me a couple of times and the instant I found out, the relationship was over. No excuses, no 'but you gotta unnerstand, .. I was hurt!', or, best of all 'but, it didn't mean anything!!'

My reply was usually a bit loud and vulgar and very, very negative. I took back two engagement rings over such incidents.

[handy]

"and laid some guy friend of hers!!"

Yeah, sometimes its the brother of the boyfriend instead. Whoa boy, thats a humdinger.

[sjc]

Originally posted by Container20
You cannot possibly imagine how much it enrages me to find that a girl, over a tiff with her boyfriend, has gone out and laid some guy friend of hers!! Just for spite. I don't do that (with a female friend, of course) but it's been done to me a couple of times and the instant I found out, the relationship was over. No excuses, no 'but you gotta unnerstand, .. I was hurt!', or, best of all 'but, it didn't [b]mean anything!!'

I think perhaps you missed the point on this. It isn't necessarily out of spite that women sleep with a guy friend because you are jealous (though this could be the case) sometimes it is more because you pushed her away to begin with. I'd even say that this tends to enter into the equation quite a bit.

Look, if this is what happened, either she wasn't worth your love (or whatever), you weren't worth hers, or (most likely) a little of both. As unsatisfactory as this may seem with all the sex-crazed guys and faithless girls out there, you've got to trust your significant other to be faithful. This is not to say you should be naive, but if you don't trust her (or him) it is not good.

[This is a little preachy, especially coming from one who has little experience with this particular situation, but I'm pretty sure this is a good idea.]

[sjc]

Whoops, should have previewed before posting. I didn't mean to bold all that. Looks good though.

[Crunchy Frog]

I never trust the guyfriends.

I trust the girlfirend.

[pepperlandgirl]

There's a reason that my guy friends are my guy friends. That reason is simply that I have no desire to even see them w/o shirts on, much less sleep with them. The thought kinda makes me sick, actually.

[Geshtal]

I hate to be the newbie cynic but people in general can't be trusted. Individuals can earn one's trust, but if you don't know these other friends, then they're capable of anything. I speak from unfortunate experience.

[shagadelicmysteryman]

I trust my girlfriend, but not with alcohol around. :D Plus, I wouldn't trust her with my ex-girlfriend at the party because she'd try to start something such as getting guys to put the moves on her......she is such a bitch.

[Manda JO]

I know guys that say 'It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust them.

This makes no sense whatsoever. THe only way it makes sense is if you think that your girlfriend's guyfriends are likely to hold her down and rape her, and if you think they are the type to do that, ok, your concern is justified, but be explicit and say 'I am worried about them raping you.'

If it isn't rape, then her faithfulness is totally up to her. The idea that it isn't harks back to Victorian days when it was assumed that women were so easily overcome by thier passions that they could be seducced by any man and that they had no real choice in the matter. Pretty sexist, to say the least.

[Morrison's Lament]

Originally posted by pepperlandgirl
There's a reason that my guy friends are my guy friends. That reason is simply that I have no desire to even see them w/o shirts on, much less sleep with them. The thought kinda makes me sick, actually.


Oh, great. I have hoardes of female friends I will hate forever now, for thinking bad things about me. :(

--- G. Raven

[Morrison's Lament]

Oh, and Pepper, that "I just don't wanna spoil our friendship" line makes ME sick, so I hope you show your friends enough respect to at least not give 'em that one :D

--- G. Raven

[Chas.E]

"No woman is faithful, as long as there's a man or dog in the room."
-Aleister Crowley


Well, yeah...If you're Aleister Crowley.
I think he was trying to make a more general point. And I agree with him in this case.

To get to the OP, I still vividly remember an incident from about 10 years ago, the evening I planned to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years, on Christmas Day. I would have done it on Christmas Eve, but she said she had to go to her office party. I spent the considerable effort to get her to her skip the party, but she wouldn't budge.
When she came over to my house, she was sullen and acting weird, and she blamed it on a hangover. Then as we were just sitting down to eat a special gourmet meal I had worked all day to prepare for this special occasion, she confessed that she had gotten drunk and went home with someone and slept with them. I removed her plate from the table, handed her her coat and told her to leave and never ever speak to me again. She tried to "explain" that she wasn't responsible because she got too drunk. I told her nobody held a gun to her head and made her drink. She had a fit, I cut it short by carrying her, kicking and screaming and crying, out the front door and locking it. And I never spoke to her again.
What was I thinking when I thought this woman was marriage material? To this day, I still absolutely do not celebrate Christmas at all.

[even sven]

I have a lot of guy friends. In fact, the only friends that live near me are guy friends. My guy friends and I are pretty close. We've known each other for years (certainly much longer than I've known my SO) and we spend a lot of time together. Heck, two nights ago I spent the night at their house watching movies and eating junk food.

If I ever went out with someone that was constantly suspicious of my guy friends, he would be out on his ass in a second.

My friends are my friends, and I, as a full-grown emotionally mature adult, am capable of handleing friendship- even *gasp* with people of the opposite sex. To imply otherwise is very insulting to me.

Raver, I suggest a good dose of maturity before you mess around with girls anymore. You are not your SOs gaurdian nor her owner. If you do not trust her enough to let her have her own life, you are too immature to be in a serious relationship. People need their own lives, sometimes seperate from their SOs, to grow as people. To disapprove or forbid that is wrong.

[AHunter3]

I'm glad I don't have to worry about this shit!

[Badtz Maru]

If I couldn't trust my wife around her guyfriends, she wouldn't be my wife. If she was going to cheat on me, she wouldn't have to rely on her buddies and exes coming over to visit, she could just go pick up some random stranger and I'd have less chance of finding out about it.

[SolarPhallusMan]

There is no set rule as to whether or not you can trust a girl who has male friends. Either she wants to be with you, or she doesn't.

In reference to Raver's statement that all guys have on their mind is sexsexsex, then the question is not whether you can trust your girlfriend who has guy friends, but whether you can trust your boyfriend who has female friends.

That is a stupid question anyway. Each female's (and male's) desires are unique to what they each hope to gain.

[nashiitashii]

Originally posted by Morrison's Lament
Originally posted by pepperlandgirl
There's a reason that my guy friends are my guy friends. That reason is simply that I have no desire to even see them w/o shirts on, much less sleep with them. The thought kinda makes me sick, actually.


Oh, great. I have hoardes of female friends I will hate forever now, for thinking bad things about me. :(

--- G. Raven
Don't worry about what your female friends think of you. Some of my guy friends I'm interested in sexually and some I'm not. The ones that I am interested in sexually I might hook up with, but only when I'm single and so are they. Girls just need to learn that guy friends aren't useful for revenge without hurting their feelings. I'm pretty sure that at least some of your female friends think you're good sex object material, or else they might not have started being friends with you.

[cykrider]

I live 1,162 miles away from my g/f and she hangs out with her ex-ex boyfriend that she dated for 3 years and I yet I still trust her. However, I don't trust her guyfriends at all because, well, I'm a guy and I know what our kind is like. I do get a bit jealous sometimes, but not enough to affect the relationship. The key to keeping the guy friends at bay is to inform them that if they engage in any sort of sexual contact, you will not delay in buying a plane ticket to texas and removing his penis with the dull, rusty butter knife that you carry with you at all times. Also make them aware that you are well versed in all forms of fire and water torture and that nobody, I mean NOBODY will ever find your twisted little pansy ass body! Ya hear me David?! NOBODY!!

But always trust your girlfriend. If she messes up, dump her ass, people who truely love each other will not cheat on each other and will not put them in a situation for that to be possible i.e. getting drunk etc.

[Tokiwoki]

I'm Cyk's girlfriend. I do hang out with my ex-ex boyfriend that I dated for three years. He happens to be one of my best friends. I know Cyk can trust me, but I know there are a lot of girls out there that live by the saying "out of sight, out of mind." BUT unless your girl is a total hussy, she should be faithful to you. If she wanted to dating one of her guy friends, then she wouldn't be dating you. When I go out with my ex-ex (David) to a club or a party people usually think that he's my boyfriend, so I rarely get approached by a guy trying to pick up on me. That's a plus. And yes, David has heard the rusty butter knife threat.

Cyk is all I'll ever need. :D

[msmith537]

Quote by cykrider
The key to keeping the guy friends at bay is to inform them that if they engage in any sort of sexual contact, you will not delay in buying a plane ticket to texas and removing his penis with the dull, rusty butter knife that you carry with you at all times. Also make them aware that you are well versed in all forms of fire and water torture and that nobody, I mean NOBODY will ever find your twisted little pansy ass body! Ya hear me David?! NOBODY!!



Tokiwoki - And you are in to guys who pretend to be crazy because why?

If I were David, I would be playing up how much of a psycho cyk must be. Everytime he did something or said something crazy, I'd be like "wow..you know, that boyfriend of yours really scares me. I hope everything is ok between you." You know, acting all concerned while subtly driving a wedge between you. And then, before you know it, we're sleeping together. You see, making crazy statements from 1000 miles away only proves to David that you view him as a threat.



Why do girls have guy friends anyway? Most guys I know don't like doing stuff that girls like (shopping, gossiping etc) unless they are trying to sleep with them. Most guy friends of girls I know usually are ex-boyfriends, gay or maybe guys who throw a lot of the parties we go to.

In any case, if there is a reason your girlfriend is hanging out with a lot of other men, it usually means there is something missing in the relationship.

[Hamadryad]

The only person I trust entirely is my husband. I suppose my free-floating suspicious nature makes it impossible for me to answer this question in the manner in which the OP intended.

That said...

If you don't trust your girlfriend, why in the unholy name of Fahrquahar are you with her? The hell...??

[even sven]

Originally posted by msmith537
Why do girls have guy friends anyway? Most guys I know don't like doing stuff that girls like (shopping, gossiping etc) unless they are trying to sleep with them. Most guy friends of girls I know usually are ex-boyfriends, gay or maybe guys who throw a lot of the parties we go to.

In any case, if there is a reason your girlfriend is hanging out with a lot of other men, it usually means there is something missing in the relationship.
[/B]

What the heck are you talking about? Do you live in a bubble? Do you only hang out with jerks and hussys?

I have known my guy friends far longer than my SO. I have guy friends because they are my friends, not because the happen to have a dick. I have my guy friends because they have been there for me in times of need. I have good times with them. Contrary to popular belief, not all women hang around shopping a gossiping all day. In fact, I find shopping and gossiping very boring. My guy friends and I do all kinds of stuff that we all enjoy: playing frisbee, watching movies, D&D, hiking, cooking, playing board games, going out to restraunts, going on road trips, going to concerts, creating art and having a general good time. Yes, we are geeks. But we enjoy each other's company.

Believe me, there is no sexual tension between any of us. Most of my guy friends have known me for so long they are like brothers. Many are in fulfilling relationships of their own (and no, they are not all gay). It is possible for adults to have relationships with other adults that are not all about sex. If you can't manage that, then maybe you oughta think twice before refering to yourself as an adult.

I am in a very healthy and loving relationship right now. My SO understands that I need to have my own life at times, too. Romantic myths aside, no one person can be all things to another person. By letting each other live and grow, we strengthen our relationship.

Controlling relationships, my friend, are a bad thing. A very bad thing. Jelousy is not a sign of love, it is a sign of control. If any of you out there are in a controlling relationship, guy or girl, I urge you to get out. It is not because he loves you and it will not get better. I may sound extreme, but I have seen beautiful people made into small dull servile and unhappy people by staying with a controlling SO.

[Feynn]

"So would you trust your own girlfriend to go clubbing, getting drunk, with a couple of her GUY friends?"

Yes.

Would this scenario happen? Not likely. It would be like me going out with a bunch of women and not inviting Lola.

We travel together most of the time since it's not a whole lot of fun to be out without your best friend in the whole world.

[cykrider]

Originally posted by msmith537

Tokiwoki - And you are in to guys who pretend to be crazy because why?

If I were David, I would be playing up how much of a psycho cyk must be. Everytime he did something or said something crazy, I'd be like "wow..you know, that boyfriend of yours really scares me. I hope everything is ok between you." You know, acting all concerned while subtly driving a wedge between you. And then, before you know it, we're sleeping together. You see, making crazy statements from 1000 miles away only proves to David that you view him as a threat.



::rolleyes:: And yo are into guys with no sense of humor huh? Please.

[Tokiwoki]

Originally posted by msmith537
Tokiwoki - And you are in to guys who pretend to be crazy because why?

If I were David, I would be playing up how much of a psycho cyk must be. Everytime he did something or said something crazy, I'd be like "wow..you know, that boyfriend of yours really scares me. I hope everything is ok between you." You know, acting all concerned while subtly driving a wedge between you. And then, before you know it, we're sleeping together. You see, making crazy statements from 1000 miles away only proves to David that you view him as a threat.
[/B]

Ok, I didn't really think anybody would take that seriously. There's something to be said for a good sense of humor. I really don't think David is interested in sleeping with me. He's not shallow. Believe it or not, he actually values our friendship.

[msmith537]

Originally posted by cykrider
And yo are into guys with no sense of humor huh? Please.

I'm not into guys.

Remember that people on this message board don't know anything about you other than what you post. I'm sure your kidding, but there are plenty of other people who post crazy stuff and actually mean it (or at least want people to think they mean it). Anyhow, different people find different things funny.


Do you only hang out with jerks and hussys?


Probably. If you consider yourself a "geek" (your term) my friends and I would probably seem like arrogant, loud, materialistic, preppy, goofballs who drink too much and hang out with permiscous women.

In any case, I have girl friends. None of them (except my actual girlfriend) are as close as my guy friends. 90% of the time, hanging out with a bunch of girls ends up being more trouble than its worth.

Example:
A bunch of us (about 12, evenly split girls/guys) had a summer shore house a few years back. If we went to different clubs, my buddy always wanted to hang out with the girls instead of the other guys (and would sometimes coerce me into going with him). It was always horrible. We would always have to babysit them, fight off cheeseballs who tried to pick them up, figure out which guys we should let hit on them and which ones to scare off, and eventually carry them back home earlier than we cared to go in. The girls have a great time, but my night ends up sucking.

[Manda JO]

The girls have a great time, but my night ends up sucking.

Saying this is fine: what I object to is your extending this situation about how all guys feel about hanging out with all girls. People come in so many different types and flavors that genralizations based on gender always fall apart when you try and apply them to individual circumstances. For example (and I know you didn't go this far) I, myself, have a real hang up about this: I see red when someone tries to tell me what my husband or my guy friends "really" think about something as if sharing plumbing with someone gives you more insight into thier personality than actually knowing the person.

[romansperson]

raver,

I've had male friends most of my life. I have not slept with any of them, nor do I plan to, and I am sure they have no plans to try and get me to. I also happen to know that I am far from alone among women who have wonderful male friends that they wouldn't ever sleep with, because it just isn't meant to be. Just because you might like a man certainly doesn't mean that you are meant to be in an intimate relationship with him.

My husband trusts me absolutely, and I trust him, which is a pretty damn good thing considering he spent the first 7 years of our marriage in the Navy and we were physically separated from each other for about half that time. Either one of us could have cheated, big time, and no one would have found out, but there was nothing anyone else could offer either of us that would have made it worth it.

I think your real issue here is making sure that you are going out with someone who finds monogamy in the relationship as important as you do. If you are going out with someone who does, then the sexes of her friends (and yours too) aren't going to matter.

The hardest part of any relationship is finding someone who is a match for you in what you want out of life. The only way I know to do it is by talking to the people you go out with about the big issues, and (if the relationship continues on) by spending time with them both alone and with their friends and families to see where they are coming from in their values and beliefs. Lots of people fall in love first and then when they find out that their beloved feels very differently about something that's really important to them, they try to rationalize it or force it to work because it will hurt to break up. Then they're unhappy, and that hurts too.

[The70sMan74]

All right, so how many of you girls have gone and played hide the sausage with your guy friends prior to meeting your current S/O? Hummmmm?

[drewcosten]

I think that if one doesn't trust their g/f with her guy friends they probably shouldn't be going out in the first place (much less getting married). However, I'm of the mindset that if a g/f of mine wants to fool around with another guy that it's her business not mine. I don't feel as though I own her or that she is only allowed to make out with me, but then I don't understand the point of exclusive dating anyway (emotionally, yes I understand why we do it, and from an emotional perspective I have felt slightly uncomfortable when this happens, but from a purely logical perspective I can't justify exclusivity so I don't even try to. And yes, this is my actual belief not a justification or something like that, any girl I "date" is free to do whatever the hell she wants as long as she doesn't give me an STD or something like that), it's not like we're married.

[Superdude]

Well, this isn't really an issue for me, since most of my girlfriend's male friends are gay. But I'm a pretty trusting person. Until she gives me a reason not to trust her, then I will. And I'm usually pretty good at reading people, too.

[malkavia]

Okay, I'll bite.

I slept with a guy friend of mine when my relationship with my SO started to fall to pieces. Was it right? No. I should've broken it off with me SO first. Other than that.. no regrets. Who better to be there for you physically than someone you know and trust? I'd much rather it've been him than some potential date rapist at a club somewhere.

But thats one guy friend out of what.. 15, maybe? The others of which Ive never been in any remotely intimate situations with.

So do girls sleep with their guy friends behind your back? Sometimes. And sometimes they sleep with random strangers and sometimes they sleep with YOUR friends and sometimes they sleep with your sister. If you dont trust that the other end of the relationship is in the relationship for the same reasons you are.. Then its not the kind of relationship you need anyhow.

I, on the other hand, am a bit more forgiving. I realize its impossible to trust ANYONE 100%. But you can trust their intentions. If I commit to someone, I trust their intentions all the way. I also understand that humans aren't failsafe and sometimes we do things we later regret. Anyone as self-righteous to assume that just because they're dating someone, theres no chance in the world that something unfortunate could happen is arrogant, if not just completely naive.

[msmith537]

Originally posted by Manda JO
Saying this is fine: what I object to is your extending this situation about how all guys feel about hanging out with all girls. People come in so many different types and flavors that genralizations based on gender always fall apart when you try and apply them to individual circumstances

Obviously. That's why they call the "generalizations".

If your an attractive girl, there is a pretty good chance your guy "friends" actually want to have sex with you. They may respect your relationship with your SO, they may be a little shy, or they may be afraid your brother in the Marines may kick their ass. But unless they're gay, odds are they wouldn't mind gettin it on. (And don't ask them if I'm right. Unless they are total morons, they won't say "yes I want to bang you".)

If you are a unattractive or average looking, your guy friends probably find you funny or cool because you like doing what they do. They also want to have sex with you.

[Zebra]

I have always trusted my wives to go out with male friends.

The first wife violated that trust and is now my EX.

The second wife has not violated that trust although she has had offers.

My current wife is an actress. She sometimes has to kiss other guys on stage why can't she be cast as a lesbian and change clothes in cramped dressing rooms. I'm cool with that but the reaction of her fellow actors has been interesting. One was very shy about it and almost couldn't kiss her. (I was offended) One of them developed a crush on my wife and it was pretty tense for a bit. For a short time my wife tried to hide it from me but she felt terriable and guilty. Why, I don't know she really didn't do anything but her job and I did want to commit a felony afterwards. Of course there are cast parties after plays and such where she goes and drinks with men while I'm not there.

And I trust her. She wouldn't do anything. If anything did happen it would be non-consenual. I don't even know the guy friends so I can't decide if I can trust them.

[SallySimpson]

Originally posted by msmith537
[QUOTE]


Why do girls have guy friends anyway?


I acquired my guy friends because, what do you know? Most of my girl friends turned out to be catty, back-stabbing, crazy-ass bitches.

So, to trust your girl with her friends or not....Let me tell you a little story about my guy friend.

This person, whom we shall refer to as "Drama Queen" decided years ago that him and I were "soulmates," and he basically became friends with me based on this train of thought, despite the fact that I had a boyfriend. I always knew he "was in love" with me (his words, NOT mine), but what did I care? I HAD a boyfriend.

But, of course, things change, and I no longer had a boyfriend anymore. (Note: I did NOT cheat on him.) And my "friend" saw this as the perfect opportunity to, ahem, get in my pants. (And good Lord was he laying it on thick: flowers, gifts, he wrote me a song? It was a terribly bad song, but a song nonetheless.) When I told him this was not the next step I wanted our relationship to take, he got all pissed off and started dating a girl I used to be friends with just to "get back" at me. (A word to the wise: this did not work, it just made him look like the asshole he was.)

So after the summer, (and much heartache, because for Christ sake, she was a nutcase) they went their separate ways, and all of a sudden, here comes DQ, proclaiming that I "was right all along!!" and he "should've listened" to me about her!! (No shit.)

So I figured he's got his obsession with me all out of his system since he got to date one of my friends, right? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Because when I brought one of my friends with me to visit him at college, he completely macked on her and they wound up in the same bed that night. She has a boyfriend, and she's never said a thing about it to him.

The moral, fellas? I don't suppose I have one. Some guys suck. Some girls suck. My friend is obviously unbalanced and I should probably be checking into a restraining order. I don't know why I trust him, to be honest.

(Especially since he once tried to throw me from a moving vehicle.)

[elbows]

In my experience, my guy friends are 'friends' because they respect my boundaries of propriety. They simply know that's not on.

I have been with my SO for 16 yrs, we both work high profile jobs with lots of opportunity, but we're not into that and trust each other completely.

All of that said, it was one of his guy 'friends' who pursued me relentlessly and shamefully. I shut him down, but this man was a close friend, SO and I had been together for years at that point and he just wouldn't take no for an answer. He was coming in from out of town and coming to my place of work, I was shocked by it all and assure you I did nothing to encourage or initiate any of it. He had simply decided I was what he wanted and was prepared for having to win me away from my SO! To say I was taken aback is a huge understatement. While it's hard not to be flattered initially, it only takes a moment to see it as an act of complete betrayal of my SO by his good friend. I can't imagine why he thought I would see it as anything else.

I'm just saying it's your spouse you have to trust. Period.

And don't be so sure you can predict where the threat might come from. You could be surprised.

[Helen's Eidolon]

If your an attractive girl, there is a pretty good chance your guy "friends" actually want to have sex with you. They may respect your relationship with your SO, they may be a little shy, or they may be afraid your brother in the Marines may kick their ass. But unless they're gay, odds are they wouldn't mind gettin it on.

I can tell you, for a fact, that is false.

By the way msmith537, anyone who is so misogynistic has his own problems. Serious ones.

On the topic, I don't trusy my boyfriend's girl friends at all (There have been threads on it). Good thing I trust him completely, and don't even worry when he sleeps over ath their houses.