View Full Version : My best friend just died
05-27-2001, 10:54 PM
I just recieved a phone call saying that my best friend Tony died in a car accident. He was probably the person closest to me, other than immediate family. I knew him for about 5 years, and we just got a job together. I'm in shock, all crying and shaking. It just doesn't seem right, he was only 18. He just found a new love interest this week, got a tattoo last week (His sign, Pisces, and I had to hold his hand while he got it,) and he was so happy about the future. He was probably the sweetest, most sensitive and caring person I know. I just cannot comprehend how he could be gone.
I called him at around 3 today, and asked him if we were going to work later (I catch a ride with him, since he's usually over here anyway.) He said that he was going to Salt Lake, and so he couldn't. My sister just called hysterical, and told me he was dead. I don't know exactly what happened, but the story was just on the news. Apparently someone stalled on the freeway in the middle lane, and his car rear-ended them. 2 people are dead, and seven people have severe injuries.
His mom had to drive up to SL to identify his body, and I'm sitting here with nothing to do waiting for news. I'll let ya'll know more when I hear it. Please please PLEASE be careful driving, and hug everyone who's close to you. I know he knew how much I cared, but it would've been nice to have been able to tell him that one last time.
05-27-2001, 10:58 PM
Gods, I don't know what to say...that's terrible to find out that someone close to you has died. I hope things turn out okay for you and the people who knew your friend.
05-27-2001, 11:00 PM
I'm very, very sorry...I know that this time is hard for you. If you need to talk/vent, my contact information's in my profile. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
05-27-2001, 11:21 PM
I lost my godfather, who was my second father, in January to a sudden and freak heart attack. What pissed me off more than anything was when people said "I know what you're going through." Piss off. No one knows how anyone else deals with the pain of loosing someone they love.
Here is what helped me: knowing that I was lucky to have had my godfather in my life. Most people are not as lucky as I was, to have someone love me so unconditionally. And yes, losing him when I needed him most sucked. But I had him in my life for 21 years. And that helped me.
When it starts to hurt, and it will, know that you can email me. I know we don't know eachother, but sometimes telling someone about why your friend was a fantastic person is the best way to remember them. I'd like to listen.
Nom de clavier
05-27-2001, 11:25 PM
And here I am, sweating the petty things in another thread.
Love and blessings and strength to you.
05-27-2001, 11:27 PM
We were concerned when you left #straightdope, Joy. Our thoughts are with you and we are here if you need us. You are loved.
05-27-2001, 11:28 PM
I can't imagine how horribly that must hurt. I am so sorry.
05-27-2001, 11:32 PM
I am so sorry. :(
05-27-2001, 11:37 PM
Joy, I have the deepest empathy for you. Just a little over a month ago, a close friend, who is also named Tony, was also killed in a car accident. I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm finding out how hard it is myself to cope with such a loss. It's very hard, and not a day goes by that I don't miss him.
Again, my deepest sorrow for you and your friends.
05-27-2001, 11:55 PM
I don't do online hugs, so here's a squeeze.
05-27-2001, 11:57 PM
Thank you all so much for the support. I just found out he was in the car with 5 other people (TV news again. No one seems to know anything,) all really close friends of mine. The other fatality was Tigger (the love interest mentioned earlier.) 1 other person in the car is in critical condition, not sure who that is yet. I pray that they'll be ok. 2 people is enough.
I can't thank you guys enough. This is exactly why I love this message board. You represent the kindest and nicest people in the world. For those that have lost people, I'm so sorry. I never really understood how hard it is before, and I'm sure I've just experienced the beginning. I also know I'll probably be taking all of you up on your offers of E-mail and support, so consider yourselves warned.
I really do feel blessed to just have known this person, and I know I'm a better person because of it. I'm surprised I was allowed to know him for as long as I did. Again, don't hesitate to tell people that you love them.
05-28-2001, 12:12 AM
Anytime you need someone to listen, pop into #SD or email me.
My thoughts are with you and your friends.
05-28-2001, 12:23 AM
Just in case you all want to know, here's the news link. (http://www.ksl.com/TV/content/news/n-dnews.htm) I'm surprised they got this up there that fast. Hope it's ok to post it.
Joyfulgirl, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say.
Recently, I lost one of the very best friends I had, but at least she is still alive (though my hopes of rekindling the friendship are all but dead). That's bad enough, I can't even begin to compare it to the grief you must be feeling.
Think good thoughts about the individuals taken from you prematurely, and remember them well. That's the best you can do, and the surest way to honor their memories.
I hope you'll be living up to your userhandle soon. May God (or whoever/whatever you believe in) give you the strength to deal with this painful situation.
05-28-2001, 03:00 AM
I'm so sorry, Joyfulgirl. :(
05-28-2001, 07:46 AM
My thoughts and prayers are with you and all who mourn him. I add my offer of an Email ear should you need it.
05-28-2001, 12:19 PM
Joyfulgirl - I lost my best friend in very similar circumstances about three-and-a-half years ago. He died in a car accident on the way to see me, about three miles from my home. There were many other circumstances that made it especially terrible.
It profoundly impacted my life, and continues to do so.
If you want to talk with somebody who can relate, my email is linked here. And my user-name is the same on both Yahoo and AOL instant messengers.
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, and my thoughts go out to you and Tony's family and other friends.
05-28-2001, 01:41 PM
My deepest sympathies, sweetie.
If you need to talk, you know where to find me.
05-28-2001, 01:51 PM
It troubles my heart to hear of a life passing. I have been through this before as well. It doesn't get much easier, no matter how many have passed in your life.
It is bound to happen. And we can pray that they are in a better place. I have lifted Tony and his friend up to the Lord in prayer, and i will continue to pray for his friends and family. I know that this is a time for rejoicing though.
I am confident that he has good friends that continue to carry his memory with them, you being an awesome vessle of his memory. That is what keeps him with us. Knowing that he is suffering less, and that he is happy is the most important part of this.
It is all about prospective. Think of it as the purpose that his death served. More people are aware of being more awayre of driving safely.
05-28-2001, 01:57 PM
THIS IS FROM A GREAT BOOK called "Accept this gift, from A Course in Miracles"
Healing and Wholeness
becomes an opportunity to heal.
All healing is essentially the release from fear.
All healing is release from the past.
You heal a brother by recognizing his worth.
To love youself is to heal yourself.
God cannot be remembered alone.
This is what you have forgotten.
To percieve the healing of your brother
as the healing of yourself
is thus the way to remember God.
Could you but realize for a single instant
the power of healing that the reflection of God,
shining in you,
can bring to all the world,
you could not wait
to make the mirror of your mind
clean to recieve the image of
the holiness that heals the world.
We are made whole in our desire to make whole.
If you wish only to be healed, you heal.
Your single purpose makes this possible.
Healing is the effect of minds that join,
as sickness comes from minds that seperate.
Those who are healed
become the instruments of healing.
To forgive is to heal.
Sickness is a defense against the truth.
I will accept the truth of what I am,
and let my mind be wholly healed today.
I am here only to be truly helpful
I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
I do not have to worry
about whatto say or what to do,
because He Who sent me will direct me.
I am content to be wherever He wishes,
knowing He qoes there with me.
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.
05-28-2001, 06:16 PM
It gets easier, but over time. I still have bouts of "Well, what if..." happen.
It gets easier to accept the loss, the hole might be harder to fill.
05-28-2001, 06:35 PM
When I was 19, several friends of mine were in a car crash. It happened on New Year's Eve. There was no alcohol involved - just incredibly heavy fog. The driver of the car couldn't see the stop sign, and they were broadsided by a pickup truck.
Of the five people I knew in the car, there was one fatality - Davy, the one I was closest to (we had been planning to move in together, platonically though). He had just turned 17. Davy was the brightest, sweetest, funniest guy I knew. Whenever somebody dies people fall all over each other to say how much everybody loved them, but in his case, it was really true. After 12 1/2 years I'm still tearing up writing this about him.
One thing I found very helpful during the worst of it was to think of how much better off I was for the fact that I had known him at all. And to think of the sheer numbers of people who could say the same about him. To think of his life, and what he had given to the world, rather than dwelling on the loss caused by his death.
I don't know if that will help you at all, but give it a try.
Best wishes J.
05-28-2001, 07:09 PM
I am so sorry, Joyfulgirl.
Losing someone you love that much has to be the worst thing we ever have to deal with. I am so glad that he knew you loved him.
My heart and my prayers go out to you.
05-28-2001, 10:36 PM
Joyfulgirl, I'm a Salt Lake Doper and I wanted to add my condolences here. I'm so sorry for your loss.
For the rest of us, here's another link to info about the incident, from the local morning paper, The Salt Lake Tribune. Mon 05/28 edition.
05-28-2001, 11:11 PM
Corixidae, thank you for the kind words and the link. The other one was replaced with another story today, and so it isn't really relevant.
To the rest of you, thank you so much. I really don't think there's anyway I can express my gratitude. I spent the day at the hospital visiting one of the other people who were in the car, and talking with friends who also knew Tony and Tigger. It really helped alot, and I'm doing much better than I was yesterday.
A friend of mine is also starting a web site dedicated to them. Not sure when it'll be up, but when it is, I'll post a link.
05-28-2001, 11:23 PM
*big hugs* Nothing I can say except that my thoughts are with you, hon.
05-28-2001, 11:47 PM
I'm so sorry. I wish there were something meaningful or touching I had to say, but everything that comes to mind has either already been said or sounds trite. But know that I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Please feel free to e-mail me or IM me if you like. And know that we're all here for you.
05-29-2001, 12:27 AM
I'm very sorry, Joyfulgirl.
05-29-2001, 09:13 PM
I am wanting to help build that site. You know how to reach me, and I left you an e-mail. Let me know when things are less hectic.
I didn't know them as well as you did. But I loved that kid, from what I knew of him, he sempt to have good intentions, and a good attitude.
Surely his story can and will be (as well as has been in many ways) a good lesson. Let's put it up.
If this site has Tony persona, it will probably be a good site.
Get a hold of me soon! Please.
I am praying for the best for everyone, to learn and grow from this.
05-29-2001, 10:00 PM
I'm sorry, Joyful. :(
05-30-2001, 01:12 AM
You know..in N'Orleans..they cry at births and rejoice at deaths..not for the death itself but for where your friend is bound. Here's hoping you let him live long and strong in your memory..
the Cause and Effect of the whole universe
the Source from whence we have come,
and the Goal toward which all are bound:
receive this soul, who is coming to Thee,
into Thy parental arms.
May Thy forgiving Glance heal his heart.
Lift him from the denseness of the earth.
Surround him with the Light
of Thine own Spirit.
Raise him up to heaven
which is his true dwelling place.
We pray Thee, grant him the blessing
of Thy exalted Presence.
May his life upon earth
become as a dream to his waking soul,
and let his thirsting eyes behold
the glorious vision of Thy Sunshine.
05-30-2001, 01:33 AM
I tried to reply to this earlier to offer my sympathies and my heart to you but I just couldn't. My other Mom died last month in a horrible pointless car accident and it was just too much to take. I know your hurting alot right now and if you need anything e-mail me even just to curse and talk about how unfair it is. Anything at all, I am here.
05-30-2001, 11:20 AM
I'm so sorry, Joyfulgirl.
05-30-2001, 11:41 PM
that we dont have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive
them for that.
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you a heartache for life.
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.
tat you can keep going
long after you can't.
that we are responcible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.
that you either control your attitude
or it controls you.
that regardless of how hot and
steamy a relationship is at first
the passion fades and there had
better be something else to take
that heroes are people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consiquences.
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best of time.
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
that sometimes the people that you expect
to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.
that sometimes when I am angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you wnt them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
of them you have had.
that it isn't always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself.
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responcible for who we become.
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
secret. It could change your life forever.
that two people can lok at the exact
same thing and see something totally
that your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.
that the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.
05-31-2001, 06:31 PM
I knew tony and i can say he totally changed my attitude towards gay people. Before him i thought they were all disgusting. I know it might not be a P.C. thing to talk about at this time but he set a good example, was a wonderful guy and made me realize that gay men aren't neccisarily perverted men. A year or 2 ago a Co-worker of mine named Nate Cooey died of a gunshot wound. I was the manager and he was the host that night and he went home and got shot. They finally concluded that it was a ricochet and he didnt shoot himself (so i've heard.) I didnt really hang out with him outside of work but i worked with him alot and his death still haunts me. It's been a long time and im still shocked and scared that a thing like that happened. I know its going to be just as tough to deal with tony's death. I've been alot closer to my sisters lately and they were best friends with tony. I love them alot and im finding it easy to show them that. I guess thats all i have to say right now.
(In the memory of Anthony Sexton)
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